to be hacked off that dp spent £200 on 1D tickets

(77 Posts)
holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 11:46:38

For next year . We are barely scraping thru the week and we both work full time. In fact he gets lends off his mum all the time. Its seriously making me think twice about moving in with him. He bought 4 tickets...he has one dc..they are for dc friends apparently. Plonker.

squeakytoy Sun 26-May-13 11:49:49

are the other 3 sets of parents going to pay him?

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 11:51:01

Nope he told noone. They are for noone in particular just whoever dc wants to take at the time .

Loulybelle Sun 26-May-13 11:52:39

He'd be unreasonable for spending 200 pence on 1D, nevermind 200 quid.

You can sell them? I bought two and then changed my mind.

DoingItForMyself Sun 26-May-13 11:54:15

Maybe he's hoping that whoever takes them will pay him back (& potentially pay over the odds once tickets are all sold out). There will be no shortage of takers. It is a bit Disney dad and I would also be annoyed, but I suppose its nice that he wanted to take his DC to something they will enjoy. My ex would never do that for our DCs but new DP would, although it drives me nuts I know which dad I'd rather have!

squeakytoy Sun 26-May-13 11:54:39

If you dont live together, and it is his child, not yours, then really it is up to him what he does with his money, but I agree it doesnt bode well for the future if you do move in together.

fuzzpig Sun 26-May-13 11:55:06

I think it would be reasonable of him if his DC's ticket will be an xmas or birthday present... but I can't imagine paying £150 on 3 of his/her friends! Is he expecting the parents of the friends to pay him back?

fuzzpig Sun 26-May-13 11:56:24

And how old his his DC, presumably old enough to go unchaperoned?! Or is one ticket for him, and therefore only 2 friends will be going?

Is this representative of his attitude to finance (ie not being careful) in general?

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 12:06:02

Sadly he is in huge debt. Cant pay his mortgage a lot of the time. Asks parents for loans monthly (hundreds) i know it is for his dc but still...its not teaching her anything

Don't move in with him.

ChaoticTranquility Sun 26-May-13 12:08:56

Do not move in with this man. No need to break up with him but don't move in with him.

Loulybelle Sun 26-May-13 12:09:53

Yeah, dont move in with him, he obviously has piss poor money management.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 12:10:09

Agreed. Shit got very close to it.

Booyhoo Sun 26-May-13 12:11:52

if they're for croke i'll buy them

fuzzpig Sun 26-May-13 12:13:36

Huge debt? Ah. Yeah. YANBU at all. And you're right to be reconsidering living together. sad

On the plus side, at least you've found out what he's like before you've tied yourself to him.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 26-May-13 12:26:36

What a stupid thing to do (him not you). At all levels:

- he cant afford it
- what happens if in a year's time DC's taste has changed and would rather watch paint dry?
- what happens if in the mean time they split up? I know he would get the money back eventually but he would have used up the credit
- he cant afford it (worth repeating)

For £200 I would expect the band to come to my house and entertain me with my choice of their music.

Groovee Sun 26-May-13 12:30:44

I paid on my credit card for 8 tickets and expect the money back once my bill comes in. My friend and I took 4 tickets each. I wouldn't pay for it if I couldn't afford it.

I do think he's trying to win his daughter over instead of saying, I can't afford this and need to sort myself out. His parents are enabling him to do this by lending him money.

LineRunner Sun 26-May-13 12:32:14

I had a partner like this. Couldn't pay towards the food bill but went out a bought a music centre on HP. Borrowed money off people I knew. Debts everywhere.

Thanks god I got out when I did. It wasn't the debt itself - it was the attitude that he was somehow 'above' it all.

YANBU and very wise to reconsider living together.

I borrowed the money for our tickets but only till Tuesday when it will be paid back in full.
The only person I would ever ask is my best friend because we lend to each other all the time, if she didn't have it we wouldn't be going.

SignoraStronza Sun 26-May-13 13:02:18

YANBU. Quite apart from the money, buying tickets for One Dimension shows he has terrible taste in music. LTB.

FarBetterNow Sun 26-May-13 13:09:34

Maybe time to dump him.

Does he pay his way with you ie contribute to food that he eats when at your house?
Does he live with his Mum?

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 13:15:39

I wont dump him but the plan to move in is off . We live apart I rent a house with my dc. He owns but relys on mum for money. She bails him out all the time. I really don't like it.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 13:16:04

I feed him all week.

Kat101 Sun 26-May-13 13:17:45

Don't get yourself linked with this guy in a financial sense. Your credit rating will be destroyed . Avoid anything joint (loans tenancies etc). Long term I think you have an uphill struggle with this man.

LineRunner Sun 26-May-13 13:19:44

holstenlips, I expect he's running up quite a lot of debt on his mortgage which will follow him wherever he goes.

And even if you say no to his moving in (which you wisely seem to have decided) - regarding his mortgaged property, whether he sells, is repossessed or carries on getting his mum to pay for him, this will hang like an albatross around the neck of your relationship.

Loulybelle Sun 26-May-13 13:24:24

You need to decide if you want to spend a lifetime bailing out and feeding a grown man, what will happen if he loses his house, will he be at your door or mummies.

QueVes Sun 26-May-13 13:32:46

And the worst part is that your child is now obliged to go to a one direction gig.

LIZS Sun 26-May-13 13:35:44

yanbu , 1D will be past history by then anyway, and I think you should reconsider your future with him if he feels so free with other people's money at the expense of basic living costs.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 15:27:39

Its ok my children dont like 1d. Im cross because we really struggle to pay for our living arrangements. I was planning to move in after summer hols. I suppose his parents can afford it but to me its not something I would do. His mum seems to baby him

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 15:29:41

Just got to tell him now!

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 15:41:08

And yes he is in arrears with mortgage. Because I rent we were meant to be moving in together to pool our resources.
But its put me right off that instead of paying for necessities ie food fares to work bills he buys these tickets to appease a stroppy teenager.
We had food parcel last week from his mum. :-(
I hope im not being too harsh

hermioneweasley Sun 26-May-13 15:49:00

Of course you're not being harsh. He is completely irresponsible. Given his attitude I don't see how you coukd ever live together and have joint finances, so I would reconsider whether this is a relationship you want to be in. He is also freeloadng off you if you're feeding him and he hasn't offered to contribute to costs.

Viviennemary Sun 26-May-13 15:56:32

Well if you don't have joint finances I can't really see that you have a say in how he spends his money unless you are supposed to be saving up for someting in particular. Or unless he owes you money. But he doesn't sound very responsible financially if he is eating at your house regularly and not contributing anything.

"we were meant to be moving in together to pool our resources."
Unfortunately it looks as if his idea of pooling resources is that you would provide and he would spend sad. And your resources are already pooled - you provide food, he eats it. holstenlips, thank your lucky stars you haven't already moved in, and that you aren't financially entangled with him. And make sure you don't become entangled!

CherylTrole Sun 26-May-13 16:03:47

Why would you subject your children and yourself to this jerk?? I cant see any reason why you would?

Oh, and stop feeding him! It may be on a smaller scale, but it means you ARE enabling his behaviour, just the same as his mother is doing.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 16:15:26

Good point Where. Im off to my parents tomorrow for a few days..so I will politely say he cant stay in my house which is what he expects to do as it means no costs for him. Why is he so irresponsible. More to the point I feel pretty sure he wont change. Just intuition though.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 26-May-13 16:41:56

Bad idea moving in with him. Do not pool your resources, you will be paying for everything. He clearly has no idea how to be responsible with money and will look to you to bail him out. Plus your credit rating will be terrible.

Don't do it!

Ragwort Sun 26-May-13 16:45:47

What is the attraction of this man-child? Do you really want someone like that in your life, possibly influencing your own child - what are his good points? Do NOT let him stay at your place while you are away, he sounds like a scrounger.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 16:49:35

He has many good points...so does living alone with my dc though.

Why would he expect to stay in your house when you are not there confused? Has he really become that blatant a user? shock

StuntGirl Sun 26-May-13 16:54:59

Why would you want to date such a feckless loser?

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 26-May-13 16:55:51

He's a manchild.

People rarely change ime, not with deep held attitudes like money. For some it's all for spends and for others it's for bills and savings and a little bit of spends.

Ragwort Sun 26-May-13 16:55:55

Well, what are his 'many' good points?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 26-May-13 16:56:18

Don't be clouded by his good points, it doesn't make up for the fact that he has one big shockingly bad point. Do you want to be forever bailing him out because he can't be bothered to be responsible? Why should his Mum give him money? He needs to grow up.

If you live with him are you going to spend each month worrying about where the money is going to come from?

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 17:35:22

I already spend all month worrying about money. Its ok im not going to do it.

McNewPants2013 Sun 26-May-13 19:33:57

He sounds like a cock lodger, I see big red flags here.

LineRunner Sun 26-May-13 19:37:05

Good for you, holsten.

And don't get guilt tripped. Possibly has been expecting you to move in and pay for everything because otherwise you would make yourself and DC homeless.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 20:13:51

Oh well ive spoken to his mum and she told me he has had thousands from her in the last 2 years :-( meanwhile he doesnt pay mortgage arrears and has bought a new ps3 recently as well as id tickets..his mum said her parents and themselves have always bailed him up...over twenty years :-( oh well ive told him and his mum moving in is not happening :-( thanks all

LineRunner Sun 26-May-13 20:23:41

Are you ok?

It's the right decision, holstenlips, you know it is. I hope you have a nice time at your parents, and some headspace from all of this. brew

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 20:31:30

Thanks yes im ok. More relieved that I have avoided a tits up scenario where I move my kids and my life .

LineRunner Sun 26-May-13 20:44:23

I do think you have make the right decision OP.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 20:50:16

Yep. Moving in would mean a new home school job for me and my kids...whereas he would be giving up / changing nothing.
Im actually feeling pretty relieved that I dont have to do this.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 20:51:50

And his mum was so cross that he tells her he needs money for mortgage..and doesnt pay it . Perhaps he will wake up now (doubt it)

LineRunner Sun 26-May-13 20:53:09

You don't have to do anything, especially 'for love'.

I think you sound light a very bright spark, tbh. Good luck - you deserve it.

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 26-May-13 21:10:55

His mums enabling him though.

You don't deserve to be his new surrogate mum now do you? You've already got children.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sun 26-May-13 21:17:17

Good decision. It would be too big a risk and you would very likely regret moving your kids' schools, your job etc all to end up paying someone else's mortgage (you wouldn't even be legally entitled to any of the house then either!) while he spent all his money on crap for himself.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 21:21:26

Precisely . My relationship history is not getting any better but at least im spotting the pitfalls prior to upheaving. My kids and I will survive..I can manage my own finances. Cheers :-)

The fact that you feel relieved now you've made the decision to not move in; well really, that say it all!

HansieMom Sun 26-May-13 21:29:14

I would not feed him. Not when your money is tight.

Donnadoon Sun 26-May-13 21:32:15

Well done OP thanks

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sun 26-May-13 21:34:52

Onwards and upwards holsten! flowers

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 21:37:23

Thanks everyone . Flipping idiot.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 22:43:51

Final nail in coffin: I just said to him if I move in and he does this sort of stuff with money it will cause all sorts of arguments.
His answer: if I was living with him he would need me to stop him doing this sort of thing.
Errr NO. Im not your mum . Crikey.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 26-May-13 22:57:55

Well done OP.

It sounds like he can't and won't take any responsibility for himself. He expects his mum to do it, and he'll expect you to do it too.

Darkesteyes Sun 26-May-13 23:03:13

Well done OP. I had an ex like this.
He said i would have to nag him to be careful with money.
When i said "I dont want to because it will become very wearing and i dont want to be turned into a nag"
His reply? Oh no Nag me I love it. I didnt move in with him either.
Youve done the right thing.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sun 26-May-13 23:24:55

Oh, great, so then when it happened it would be your fault for not stopping him doing it? You're well out of that.

holstenlips Sun 26-May-13 23:39:09

Exactly snazzy. Its just not happening. Apparently he called his mum after buying the 1d tickets and asked for another loan. Fgs.
I think its cheeky. My eyes are opening to the fact that as a lone parent of 2dc I work full time and he uses my home about 4 nights a week on average which means all my costs are up. I cook for us all. And his salary is twice mine.
He spends on an expensive hobby too.
His mum even said she had bought me and kids some chocolate did we enjoy it? You know what, he ate the lot and never even told me. Petty but still...why is he so entitled? His parents are paying for him to have a holiday this year and giving him money for loss of earnings too for the week. He wont learn if noone tells him no.
He said I was making him feel ashamed and guilty for wasting the money.

Bobyan Mon 27-May-13 00:21:17

Run, run like the wind.

You want a partner not another child.

Loulybelle Mon 27-May-13 00:37:55

You do realise if you moved in with him, it'd be you paying the mortgage instead, you'd have basically been a lodger he has sex with occasionally.

hermioneweasley Mon 27-May-13 07:23:24

Well done OP for realising you are worth more than this.

LIZS Mon 27-May-13 07:28:38

Well done op . He behaves like a spoilt child , not an adult on a decent wage. His mum may moan but he couldn't do this without her and even she may have hoped you'd be in line to take over.

holstenlips Mon 27-May-13 07:45:20

thanks yes his mum looked gutted when I said im not moving in. She wants someone to take care of her baby! The house needs a total overhaul too so I would have paid for that too im sure.
Happy to be staying put.

JakeBullet Mon 27-May-13 07:52:31

You have made the right decision, my exH was like this and I didn't realise until too late. Wen we separated he basically defaulted on all loans etc and left me with the lot. It has taken YEARS to sort myself out financially. I will never get involved with someone like this again.

holstenlips Mon 27-May-13 07:57:45

Amen to that Jake. Idiots that never grow up.

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