To think that DH is selfish and thoughtless?

(164 Posts)
chinley Sat 25-May-13 20:49:59

This will probably seem petty to some but I'm actually so angry I feel like crying.

DH and I had plans to go out this evening. He's been at his mother's house all evening. I came home at 7pm and started getting ready to go out, spent an hour and a half getting ready, showered, shaved, washed my hair, put full makeup on and then received a text from DH saying he was going to stay there and we could go out tomorrow instead.

Now, tomorrow I'm going to be driving his mother on a 5 hour round trip so I will be too tired to be getting ready all over again and then going anywhere.

I just don't understand why he waited for me to go to so much effort and get ready and THEN tell me!

It just seems so careless!

AIBU to be fuming?

I honestly feel like crying.

OTheHugeManatee Sat 25-May-13 20:51:26

YANBU

StuffezLaYoni Sat 25-May-13 20:51:59

I would be angry and upset too, that's really unfair of him.
Why the change of plan?
D you have anyone else you could gout with?

ssd Sat 25-May-13 20:52:24

I dont blame you at all

is he a mummys boy?

and why the hell are you driving his mum 5 hours tomorrow?

somewhatavoidant Sat 25-May-13 20:53:05

YANBU at all, that's very thoughtless.

Succoria Sat 25-May-13 20:54:03

YANBU. That's thoughtless, he could have told you much earlier.

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 20:54:32

oh this brings back awful memories. my EXp used to do that to me. i would be all ready to go, sometimes having bought a new outfit and he wouldn't turn up to take me out or would text ages later saying, something else had come up with a mate or that he had changed his mind. he even did it on valentimes night.

sorry, i have no advice. i just cried aswell.

Leverette Sat 25-May-13 20:54:59

Tell him you don't get stood up and are considering your options.

Then go out without him and stay at a friends overnight.

And don't drive his mother tomorrow.

Footface Sat 25-May-13 20:55:10

Yanbu he's been thoughtless.

Sure his mum appreciate you driving her for 5 hours

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 20:55:20

YANBU - text back that you are ready to go out now. Do you have childcare in place for tonight? Call round your friends, find out who's free, go out, tell him he can drive his mum tomorrow because you'll be tired.

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 20:55:31

is he staying overnight at his mums? has he had a drink?

RawShark Sat 25-May-13 20:55:51

Yes very thoughtless and also he should have called not texted.

Presumably no underlying actual family issues that meant he acted like such a dick?

Where were you going - if just to the pub he may not have realised how important it was to you, or forgotten the drive tomorrow, or just thought you looked that beautiful naturally!

Tell him you're disappointed, and will be knackered tomorrow and see what he says.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 20:55:52

BTW - does his mother actually want him there if she's going on a long trip tomorrow???

PatriciaHolm Sat 25-May-13 20:56:01

Did he have any idea you were going to so much trouble? DH might do that to me, but he would be apologetic and aware it only takes me 20 mins to get ready. He may have had no concept that you had been spending all that time; it does seem a long time!

chinley Sat 25-May-13 20:56:25

He says the change of plan is due to the fact that his mother is going away on holiday, which makes no sense because he knew about that from last week, he's been reminding ME of the fact every day! So it doesn't explain letting me get ready then telling me at the last minute.

It's too late to get anyone to come with me, they would need notice and time to get ready and tbh I'm too upset to go anywhere now anyway.

Yes, he's a complete mummy's boy.

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 20:56:42

yes go out with a friend or two.

Footface Sat 25-May-13 20:56:52

Why should his mum suffer, she might be stood there having a right go at him for being inconsiderate

chinley Sat 25-May-13 20:57:12

I'm taking her because he has other plans.

Footface Sat 25-May-13 20:58:13

That's really kind of you

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 25-May-13 20:58:16

I would be livid angry.
Does he have a good reason for staying with his mummy?

maddening Sat 25-May-13 20:58:50

as long as there are no issues with his mother (eg is she v I'll?) then yanbu. Also have you arranged childcare for nothing? Either way call some friends and go out - you're ready now anyway.

maddening Sat 25-May-13 20:59:56

well he can change his plans tomorrow!

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:00:22

I told him I'd spent an hour and half getting ready and asked why he couldn't have told me earlier, he said "stop being like that please."

We were supposed to be going to the cinema, so kind of on a schedule for showings etc.

No children so no childcare needed, but I very rarely go out anywhere.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:00:54

He wont stay there overnight, just until later on.

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 21:01:05

no op dont sit in and brood on this. put a shout out on FB or call best friend and see if you can call round for a while. dont stay in being pissed off.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:01:27

Text back he can cancel his plans tomorrow.

(And call round friends, you might find someone is free or doesn't mind quick turn around, if I have someone else to have DS, I can be out of the house in 20 minutes so long as my hair is already ok!)

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 21:02:38

ring your mum/dad/ brother/sister and go to the cinema with them. do something. just dont stay in. you'll feel much better if you go out.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:03:04

Outrageous. How disrespectful he is. He doesn't give a shit does he?

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:03:14

"stop being like that please" ? really? How about "I'm really angry, you can explain to your mum you are driving her tomorrow."

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:03:42

He just said he wanted to spend more time there because she's going away tomorrow, but the fact is he knew that from a week ago so that's no excuse for dropping it on me at the very last minute.

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 21:03:51

if you're in county down i'll go to cinema with you! no dcs here tonight and i still have my make up on. grin

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 21:04:31

I told him I'd spent an hour and half getting ready and asked why he couldn't have told me earlier, he said "stop being like that please." shock

That's really rude - you're not "being like" anything! YANBU to be annoyed and upset. You might not feel like going out tonight, but can you make some plans to go out with friends very soon??

PuppyMonkey Sat 25-May-13 21:04:52

Well if he can change the plans for tonight, he'll maybe have to change his plans tomorrow and take his mum on the trip.
You go and do something nice yourself instead. What a knob.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:04:59

"Stop being like that please"

Translation: Don't bother expressing your feelings about this. I'm not listening and I don't care. Be quiet now.

BreasticlesNTesticles Sat 25-May-13 21:05:09

Well mummy's boy can take his own mother on holiday then if spending time with her is so precious to him hmm

Poor you sad

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 21:05:18

well he's been there all day. what more can he need to do/say to her taht he hasn't already done whilst there?

and as for "dont be like that" that's code for- i cant be arsed listening to you and i know you're right.

Hang on, you're driving her because he had plans?

I would be furious after the effort you've made.

You could be awkward and say you're not driving her, see what he says then. He's a twat for letting you down .

I agree, go out and tell him to do the driving tomorrow.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:05:34

Thanks for all the suggestions but I don't have many friends and people would need childcare etc, cant be sorted in the next hour. I'm just going to stay home.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:05:49

or even better, call round friends, find someone else who's free, even if it's just a friend who's in on their own this evening and fancies company - ask kindly if you could sleep over on their sofa.

Pack and overnight bag, go to theirs, switch off your mobile, stay over, leave a note for him saying "i've changed my plans too, probably won't be taking your mum tomorrow".

You can wander in at 30 minutes before you'd have to leave to take his mum tomorrow.

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 21:07:04

How about getting a bottle of wine and taking it to a friend's? smile (and staying there the night)

karatekimmi Sat 25-May-13 21:07:11

Can't you go to the cinema by yourself?

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 21:07:35

i agree. he should take her tomorrow. he doesn't feel any guilt about changing your plans for tonight at short notice so he should accept you changing his plans for tomorrow at short notice.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:08:18

He wanted to spend more time with mummy because she's going on holiday?
At the expense of standing you right the fuck up.
And then he tells you to "stop being like that" when you complain??

Outrageous!!

Booyhoo Sat 25-May-13 21:09:00

go to a friends house and have a drink there. then they dont need to sort childcare.

Liara Sat 25-May-13 21:11:03

He's like this because you let him.

Stand up for yourself. Tell him to be ready to go out in 5 minutes or you will not be doing him the massive favour of driving his mother tomorrow.

And stick to what you say.

People can only walk all over you if you allow them to, and more often than not if you allow them to they will.

Euclase Sat 25-May-13 21:11:15

I'd be livid angry

He change HIS plans tomorrow and take his mummy.

inneedofrain Sat 25-May-13 21:11:23

Um he is very selfish

BUT I think I would be going to the cinema on my own to see something that I wanted to, something nice and long and then maybe a drink or to on the way home (if your getting a cab)

Go on get your self a stupid big pop corn drink etc and watch a film

Don't sit at home moping and waiting for him to come back it is exactly what he wants

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:11:25

Never mind going to the cinema or a friend's - be there to greet him in all your dolled up glory when he gets home, and rip him a new one.

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 21:11:26

You're taking her because he has other plans? Well, I guess he's now just going to have to take her! He just massively inconvenienced you by changing his plans last minute...so now he gets to be massively inconvenienced by having to take his mother because, oops, you've changed YOUR mind last minute!

Wanker.

Without wishing to stoke the fires but I would be wary of having a child with him seeing as he puts you second already.

Think hard as to whether he is worthy of you, he sounds like a limp lettuce.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:12:05

Thanks boohoo. smile I'm up norf though.

Dontmind, I'd love to see the look on his face, but I'm nothing like him so couldn't put his mum in that position and stress her out, even momentarily.

Euclase Sat 25-May-13 21:12:15

That should have read he can change HIS plans tomorrow blush

DorisIsWaiting Sat 25-May-13 21:13:28

How long have you been together and what are his plans for tomorrow?

I would be seriously rethinking the agreement to take his mother.... in fact I would be seriously rethinking the relationship full stop.

Please do not let him treat you this way you deserve better.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:14:22

He has a meeting in another city Doris.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:14:48

9 years.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:15:00

Well then just go to a friends tonight, leave it to him to panic when you're not home... (childish, yes, but so is his behaviour)

BreasticlesNTesticles Sat 25-May-13 21:15:08

Why would you be stressing her out? She doesn't need to know anything about it until darling offspring apears to take her tomorrow

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:15:39

You've all made me feel a little better and less like a crybaby, thank you.

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 21:15:51

OP - if you let him do this to you and do not teach him a lesson he will just keep treating you like this because you let him and he can get away with it.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:16:09

Important meeting?

Does his mum know you had plans tonight and he's cancelled on you?

Sod him, give him notice that you're not a doormat !! Tell him you're not free.
tomorrow.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:18:35

TBH, I don't want to drip feed or get sidetracked by all the other problems in our relationship. He is not the most reasonable of people and he has anger issues so I don't like to do things specifically just to provoke him. I just wanted to find out from MN if I was overreacting or not in this situation because I knew I'd get honest opinions.

SanityClause Sat 25-May-13 21:19:06

An hour and a half to get ready for the cinema? Wow!

Seriously, though, standing you up in favour of anyone, apart from someone in dire need, is outrageous.

I'm guessing she has done some kind of guilt trip on him, and that's why he is staying.

You really need to sort this out with him. Not by doing something petty, but by talking to him. He needs to choose who is more important - you or his mother. And you both need to accept that if it's his mother, then you have to make decisions about your future, based on that knowledge.

Oldraver Sat 25-May-13 21:19:10

Yes but seeing as he is going to miss his Mummy so much, you will be doing him a huge favour getting him to spend extra hours with her tomorrow.

myroomisatip Sat 25-May-13 21:19:21

My EX (yes EX smile) often did things like that to me.

I bought tickets to see someone in concert and he decided that evening he did not want to go! I wish I had dumped him then but MN had not been invented!

I agree that you should go round to a friend's.
they won't need childcare if you're staying in. you're still going out but they're not iyswim
take nibbles and a bottle of wine and ask to stay over.

he is being an arse. so react like that. call him on it.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:21:33

Oh dear OP.
I'm sorry to hear that, not surprised...but sorry.

An angry man who you tread on eggshells around and who dumps you at the drop of a hat?

Not kind. Not loving. Not respectful.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:21:53

I know sanity, but if I was going with anyone else I normally just go as I am, don't even bother getting ready, it's just that we never do anything together so I wanted to look nice for him. Stupid I know and wont be bothering again any time in the near future.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 21:22:29

I would be gutted too.

I don't think much of Mummy's boys though.

You are scared of him sad.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 21:24:46

I would still take his mum tomorrow as it isn't her fault (assuming she didn't know and put pressure onto him to stay) but I would not be doing it again.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:24:59

Yes, pictish, you could probably smell the deeper issues!

I'm not brushing them off, I'm working on them but it's hard.

Sometimes I just need temporary confirmation that I'm not going crazy.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:25:16

You don't have DCs, you never go out together, he's angry and agressive, he dumps you when he feels like it but expects you to be available when it does suit him, he expects you to run round after his family but can't put himself out for you?

Sounds like you are in a bit of a shit relationship - why are you with him? I assume there's lots of good points to keep someone who doesn't have DCs with a man who treats her like this.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:25:50

UPDATE. He says he's on his way home now so I guess he must have felt ever so slightly guilty about being such a selfish wanker.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:25:51

No mate - you're not crazy. Far from it.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:26:51

He's on his way home now? could it be that his mum wants to get ready to go away rather than he wants to come home? He's now coming home too late to do what you planned.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:27:38

I hope he's not coming home for a row.

waitandsee Sat 25-May-13 21:28:28

Chinley, you need to let him know that this is NOT ok, and by no means let him twist this so that it's somehow your fault (have been there with angry partners). Doesn't matter how you do it, but you need to put the fear into him a little bit and think for a sec that good old Chinley won't just put up with this. Good luck xx

simplesusan Sat 25-May-13 21:28:57

YANBU.
Stop wasting your time trying to impress him.
He isn't interested. Sorry. Why waste your life with him? What is the point?
Seriously go out. Do not sit at home stewing.
why don't you get dressed up to meet friends? I do and my dh loves it. Is it because this might anger your dh.

There are serious issues here.
Think hard about how you envisage yourself in 10 years time. At this rate he will still be letting you down and then making you feel silly for causing a fuss.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:28:59

Me too...

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:29:46

*that was directed at pictish.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 25-May-13 21:30:24

I still wouldn't take his mother. What sort of meeting happens on a Sunday anyway? Are you sure there isn't another woman?

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:31:06

Well...we'll be here, should it blow up.

You weren't in the wrong. At all.
He will tell you you are.

But you're not.

Ok?

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:31:44

Thank you.

hermioneweasley Sat 25-May-13 21:34:55

He has anger issues so you don't want to provoke him? Can you hear how that sounds?

I Wouldn't be there when he got back. Permanently.

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 25-May-13 21:35:37

LTB.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 25-May-13 21:36:28

You dont want to confront this because he has " anger issues"? Such as what op?

Maryz Sat 25-May-13 21:36:51

He was watching the soccer wasn't he?

It's over now, so time to come home.

Fucker.

Ashoething Sat 25-May-13 21:40:15

He is a mummys boy. You don't have kids-get out now op while you still have the time.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:43:51

Yes it's started. It's all my fault now.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:44:31

He's angry now.

Tell him to stuff his meeting tomorrow, you have other plans. Take control - don't stand for this. If he gets angry and scares you, call the police.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:45:49

Because I "had a go at him", which I didn't, and "made him leave his mum and come home.", which I also didn't.

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 21:46:15

You do know you're living with an emotional abuser and a bully....

Here's a hand for you, OP. And some flowers

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 25-May-13 21:46:29

9 years with this man ? Why??

StuffezLaYoni Sat 25-May-13 21:46:30

Are you ok? This is horrible. You have done NOTHING wrong and we are here for you.

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 21:46:44

Can you go to a friend's?

Ray81 Sat 25-May-13 21:46:52

Chinley sad hope you are ok.

Please don't let him treat you this way, you're worth more then this .

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 21:48:03

At least you realise he's talking rubbish. I think you need to get out of there for the night and let him calm down.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:48:09

Of course it is. How dare you call him out on his bad behaviour? He does what he wants and your role is to suck it up! How impudent of you to question him...never mind express displeasure!!

Now he'll have to put you back in your place, you tiresome wench. You've brought it all upon yourself you know.

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 21:48:50

And think about what you want to happen next - agree with other posters - you deserve to be treated better than this.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sat 25-May-13 21:49:37

Leave the house and go to a friend's or a hotel. Keep yourself safe.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:50:10

Needless to say OP - this cannot continue.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sat 25-May-13 21:50:25

I'm worried by what you say about his anger.

imaginethat Sat 25-May-13 21:52:11

What a prick!

Please think about leaving him.

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 21:53:03

He let you down at the last minute - but he's turning it all round and saying it's your fault, and worse, he's doing it aggressively. Could you go to a friend's?

oh chinley sad

you should be glad you've got no kids and you need to leave.

he kept you hanging on for a date, stood you up and then got angry at you for being upset about it? sad

SgtTJCalhoun Sat 25-May-13 21:53:57

You have no children.

You need to Dump Him Now. He's an abusive twat who doesn't care about you.

ThePinkOcelot Sat 25-May-13 21:54:50

Made him leave his mum??!! Boo hoo, he sounds like a right soft shite to me! What did he want to do, sit cuddled on the sofa. FFS, she's going on holiday not emigrating! What a prick!

WastedTomatoGuts Sat 25-May-13 21:56:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this crap.
It's all your fault?
He has anger issues and treats you like crap. I doesn't get better.
I do however think you could do better.

LineRunner Sat 25-May-13 22:01:29

I think Maryz was probably spot on about him watching the football match.

He sounds horribly self-centred. I really hope you are OK.

BusStopWanker Sat 25-May-13 22:01:36

I'd tell him you've made other plans tomorrow so won't be able to drive his mum 5 hours so he'll have to do it. Cheeky bastard!

TheBookofRuth Sat 25-May-13 22:02:04

He sounds awful.

Please leave him.

CSIJanner Sat 25-May-13 22:06:51

My first LTB

Here's another virtual hand to hold thanks

I hope you are ok OP.

formica5 Sat 25-May-13 22:09:04

Hope you are OK

Inertia Sat 25-May-13 22:10:30

Another one offering a hand hold. It sounds as though you are terrified of him, and treading on eggshells around him. And you are absolutely not in the wrong, no matter what he tells you. And you are not over-reacting- I'd say you were under-reacting, probably as a means of self-protection.

You always have options. As you don't have children with him, your options are more clear-cut than many women in relationships with men like this.

Please be careful.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 22:11:24

Let's all pass round the brew and sympathy.

This OP needs lots of bolstering and reassurance. She knows it's wrong. She has brought it here because she needs to confirm it.

Apileofballyhoo Sat 25-May-13 22:11:41

What everyone else said, and flowers. Please look after yourself, you don't deserve this, you really don't.

SweetSeraphim Sat 25-May-13 22:17:39

God, this is awful sad

OP, you don't have to live like this. You can be happy, and free thanks

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 22:19:52

sad

You make plans to go out.
He phones late, to tell you he isn't coming home.
You get the blame.

What a nasty piece of work.

You deserve better, you really do.x

foslady Sat 25-May-13 22:20:31

PLEASE think carefully about this relationship. You know you deserve better. He's a bully and abusive. You should NEVER feel threatened by someone who is supposed to love you.

beth27123 Sat 25-May-13 22:20:45

Hope you're okay. Thoughts are with you tonight.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 22:23:50

OP hope you are safe.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 22:27:11

He came home and screamed in my face for 20 minutes. Called me a selfish bitch and some other nasty things. Couldn't get a word in edgeways. He broke the bathroom door then went downstairs. I'm just in the bathroom crying.

I know what you all will think about this and you're right but I just don't have the strength to get into that right now. I honestly didn't think things would escalate tonight. I just wanted a simple AIBU...

Thank you all for listening.

SweetSeraphim Sat 25-May-13 22:30:16

What are you going to do? Do you want someone here to help you? We will, you know. Please don't stop posting.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 22:31:08

Awwww OP...
I'm so so sorry.
What a cunt.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 22:31:12

Oh Chinley sad

Do you have family close by you could go stay with? friends?

I don't like the thought of you around him like this, it's scary.

When you feel stronger please start a thread in relationships so people can support you xxxx

I didn't think they'd escalate either sad

you have to leave.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 25-May-13 22:32:56

do you have a friend you can go to ? Family? I promise you, within a month of being away from this, you will feel much stronger.

I imagine he has worn down your self-esteem to such an extent that you can't see a future without him. The sad truth is - he will not change and you should not accept someone treating you like this.

JetSetWilly Sat 25-May-13 22:33:26

Honestly just get rid of him
Why would you want to fill your life with this?? Surely the point of having a boyfriend is to enrich your life not
Make it more upsetting?

imaginethat Sat 25-May-13 22:33:31

Chinley that is just awful, you must be in a state of shock.

You know this needs to end, don't you?

Corygal Sat 25-May-13 22:34:04

Chinley, he's AWFUL. There's nothing else to say, it is that simple.

Leave him, really. You could do a million times better.

JetSetWilly Sat 25-May-13 22:34:57

And honestly if you were anywhere near me I would take you in. I've put up with all that sort of crap. Not anymore though

MadamFolly Sat 25-May-13 22:36:08

I think you need to LTB OP, this goes nowhere good...

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 22:36:31

It would be nice Jetsetwilly if she could just get rid of him that easily, but like Twogoodreasons said her self-esteem is probably so low she is scared to do no. I doubt she wants to fill her life with this at all, it's just isn't always that simple as it seems when you are in the thick of it.

Please keep posting OP if just to let us know you are safe.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 22:37:23

scared to do so*

pictish Sat 25-May-13 22:39:08

This man is no good.
You really should think about a future without him in it.

How awful for you. It's absolutely and horrifically unfair on you.

You have not brought this upon yourself. He has done this to you.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sat 25-May-13 22:39:28

Please go to a friend's or somewhere else. This is absolutely out of order and you must protect yourself. He is a bully.

Inertia Sat 25-May-13 22:48:33

Chinley, I understand that you are worried about just turning up at a friend's house (wouldn't be surprised to hear that your H has actively tried to stop you going out to see friends). Do you have family that you can go to?

If you do stay home tonight, and you do drive his mother tomorrow, then you might want to think about taking a small bag with you containing important documents,bank cards , phone, any laptop or ipad, maybe a change of clothes- just in case he is thinking of 'punishing ' you while you are out of the house. He really doesn't sound safe to be around.

Calling the police is always an option if you are frightened.

foslady Sat 25-May-13 22:50:53

You are worth more than this. You are a strong person, look what you have been putting up with, that takes strength. Before he takes that last bit of strength, please leave. I hope you do have somewhere to go tonight, but if you really have to stay, if he's leaving before you tomorrow, gather your essentials (bank books, passport, driving licence and birth certificate), a few clothes, any important photos, drive his mum wherever and drive anywhere but back home leaving your phone switched off.

Good luck and unmumsnetty ((((hugs))))

foslady Sat 25-May-13 22:51:47

X post with Inertia - but can you see how important this is?

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 22:57:18

Oh OP....you have almost nothing left do you? I'm so sorry.

If you can just go to sleep for now - rest your brain, your spirit. (So long as you feel he's not going to harm you, of course)

|Tomorrow's another day, another opportunity to make things better for yourself.

Hugs.

BringOn2014 Sat 25-May-13 23:34:21

Hope your ok OP, really hope you have someone IRL to turn to and possibly stay with tomorrow. If Im anywhere near you Im here for RL hand holding too, had my fair share of bastards. Im in West Scotland.

JetSetWilly Sat 25-May-13 23:34:29

Samy2 my self esteem
Was that low. I posted in mn and that told me (what I needed) to do
Fingers crossed op is ready to
Make that move also. I hope so x

Buzzardbird Sun 26-May-13 04:57:03

Chinley, you have nothing tying you there to stay with him do you?
I think it's time you did something for you.
Make your plans to start a happier life. You can't lead your whole life on a knife edge.
when you are on your death bed what do you think will be your greatest regret?

BookieMonster Sun 26-May-13 05:31:05

He's an angry man.
He's an inconsiderate man.
He's a bully.
He's violent.
He scares you.
YANBU. Please call Womens Aid.

JumpingJackSprat Sun 26-May-13 05:40:25

You really, really dont have to put up with this. imagine that first moment youre free of him - does it feel like relief? I know it did with my ex, and my current DP is such an amazing loving person... you can find someone who cherishes you.

Pinkflipflop Sun 26-May-13 05:45:53

Someone I know is married to a man who sounds similar.

She's 59 now and will never leave him.

She looks back and is full at regret of her wasted life and what could have been...sadsadsad

WinkyWinkola Sun 26-May-13 05:47:46

What a vile man. He really thinks it is okay to let you down and then scream in your face? The word is wanker.

Wouldn't it be nice to know that he can no longer bully you like this?

He can no longer let you down on a whim?

Your doors will remain intact.

You sound like a lovely, caring person and you do not have to live like this.

You do have choices. Women's Aid can help you like they've helped thousands.

hope you're ok Chinley x

myroomisatip Sun 26-May-13 07:14:45

I'm another one hoping you are okay sad

I know how you feel, I've been there sad

Here's hoping you can find the strength and courage to LTB flowers

Chivetalking Sun 26-May-13 07:31:54

You poor thing.

I hope you are OK this morning and I really hope this thread has helped clarify just how much you need to kick this tosser to the kerb.

MrsWolowitz Sun 26-May-13 07:48:41

Hope you're ok.

I've not ever said this before but I think you should leave him.

He will never put you first. Never accept responsibility and never respect you.

flowers you don't deserve this. If you're scared, call women's aid.

BearsInMotion Sun 26-May-13 07:57:25

Hope you're ok OP, and thinking about the future flowers

Cerisier Sun 26-May-13 10:44:23

Hope you're ok OP. Please start getting organised and prepared. Wishing you strength and courage to face up to him and to extricate yourself from this relationship.

Mimishimi Sun 26-May-13 10:49:33

He got into such a rage that he broke your bathroom door? You do realise, don't you, that it's only a matter of time (especially with the frustrations that come after having kids) that the violence is going to be turned onto you?

Moxiegirl Sun 26-May-13 11:02:32

Reading about these men on mn makes me so angry. Hope you're ok, I know it's not easy but please try and think about getting away from this nasty man sad

foslady Sun 26-May-13 11:32:23

Another one hoping you're ok OP, been thinking about you and hoping that you are gathering strength from this - you deserve to be happy and without fear

RhondaJean Sun 26-May-13 11:46:18

What a cunt of a man.

Op you don't need this in your life.

I'm sure you are probably driving your mil right now rather than reading MN but I hope you are telling her what her son is like as you do so.

Please consider leaving.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Tue 28-May-13 18:48:23

Are you ok op?

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