to think that at a children's disco, boys and girls shouldn't be encouraged to judge each other on their looks - hot or not stylie.

(51 Posts)
EightToSixer Sat 25-May-13 16:32:53

DD has just come back from a kids birthday party - they are all year 6 so 10-11 years old.

Apart from the standard dance-offs etc, the children were encouraged to stand in an arch (boys) and for the girls to dance under the arch and when the music stops, be captured and judged by thumbs up - hot and thumbs down - not (ugly) by the boys that captured them.

Am I alone in thinking that its entirely unacceptable to judge pubescent children - who in Year 6 are just learning about sex-ed, just getting their first bras etc - on their looks alone in a party format.

Willing to accept the judgement of mumsnet if I'm being overly precious about this, but surely, public appreciation/mocking of appearance in such an organised setting isn't really to be encouraged among children?

ZZZenagain Sat 25-May-13 16:36:12

no, that is pathetic

Tailtwister Sat 25-May-13 16:37:48

YANBU, that's horrible!

gordyslovesheep Sat 25-May-13 16:38:45

yanbu - that is vile

EightToSixer Sat 25-May-13 16:39:01

I do hope I'm not in denial about DD growing up or anything. I just remembered that in my Year 7 geography trip, some of the kids played spin the bottle and kissed, and she's only 6 months off that age... but it's the public judgement aspect more than anything that gets to me.

MrsMcEnroe Sat 25-May-13 16:40:00

YANBU. What a horrific thing to do.

Fuck's sake. Who organised the judging? If it was a parent they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

scaevola Sat 25-May-13 16:43:52


With the prevalence of shows in which the audience votes for people, I wouldn't have been surprised if children that age came up with something like that off their own bat. But my reaction would be to divert them on to something else (if I noticed, at that age supervision is looser). To encourage it seems like madness.

BackforGood Sat 25-May-13 16:44:23

YANBU - that really is vile. At any age or stage of life that is vile.
Who on earth got them to do that ?

Hummuschocolate Sat 25-May-13 16:44:37

YADNBU, it wouldn't be particularly fun if it was adults involved imo but with children its awful.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:44:54

Dreadful - entertainment from the dark ages that is.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 16:46:40

That is vile! shock

TheHonourableAlgyLacey Sat 25-May-13 16:51:19

That's appalling! Are you sure she hasn't got it muddled, though?

lljkk Sat 25-May-13 17:01:33

yanbu, rather immature. Though it's the age, they are doing a lot of this spontaneously. Don't need to be taught it. My cohort were the same.

lljkk Sat 25-May-13 17:01:53

(meant immature of any adult to encourage it)

Euphemia Sat 25-May-13 17:04:44

Good grief that's disgusting. My DD is that age and self-conscious, easily embarrassed and very sensitive about whether she's pretty, fat, etc.

I'd be raging if she came back from a disco where that happened.

EstelleGetty Sat 25-May-13 17:08:43

That's disgusting. Girls (and boys) are already getting so self-conscious at that age. I hope none of them were upset by it. You really would have to hold me back from decking the idiot who devised that game.

catgirl1976 Sat 25-May-13 17:30:37

YANBU - Was that really adult suggested / sanctioned?


SoleSource Sat 25-May-13 17:34:50



TheCrackFox Sat 25-May-13 17:44:32


I would seriously complain.

EightToSixer Sat 25-May-13 17:45:47

Well I'm glad I'm not over-thinking it.
As far as I can tell none of the parents there were very involved, I dropped DD and friends off and friends mum picked them up but didn't know anything until we got them home.
I might write a letter to ths DJ, who is local and does all the school discos too and give him the opinion of mothers of girls this age and see what he says. I don't want other children at parties to be upset.

sue52 Sat 25-May-13 17:50:32

YANBU. I'd be fuming. Girls do not need this. Would it be worth having a word to the parent who booked this DJ? She might not know this took place.

LovelyMarchHare Sat 25-May-13 17:53:06

dreadful. What a completely terrible idea.

Helpyourself Sat 25-May-13 17:57:14

Horrible. sad

LineRunner Sat 25-May-13 18:06:45

Who on earth booked this DJ and let it happen?

He is a twat.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 25-May-13 18:13:48

That's really horrible. School discos weren't like that when I was that age (2000). Children can be cruel enough without adults encouraging it.

muffinmonster Sat 25-May-13 18:50:44

Jesus Christ, that's awful. I'd complain.

ShadowStorm Sat 25-May-13 18:52:41

YANBU. That's horrible.

That's truly disgusting. Poor children. Who allowed that kind of 'game' to happen?

EightToSixer Sat 25-May-13 21:19:44

DD says no parents were there,the parents of the birthday child were in the kitchen of the hall with an open serving hatch. I don't know the parents but it seems they had nothing to do with it and it was all down to the DJ.
I've checked that the DJ is CRB checked and will write him a nce letter just giving him my point of view in the hope he doesn't continue this game at parties. I thought I was over-reacting to start with but I'm glad you have all confirmed my thoughts.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 21:50:16

I wouldn't make the letter too "nice". I'd rip him a new one.

LineRunner Sat 25-May-13 21:53:32

Yes, hand him his ass.

And all other ass-related metaphors.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Sat 25-May-13 21:57:46


WastedTomatoGuts Sat 25-May-13 21:59:10

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Smudging Sat 25-May-13 22:00:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantanaLopez Sat 25-May-13 22:02:14

Horrendous. I'd certainly be spreading the word not to use him again.

YoniWheretheSunDontShine Sat 25-May-13 22:27:52

Horrific and very mis guided, nice letter - strongly worded.

I think a negative reaction at something like that can crush self confidence.
I was traumatised for a long time about an incident, small and silly by an entertainer when 5.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 25-May-13 23:04:57

I'd have had to stop that game immediately. What a wanker. Complain to him or his company and tell him you're telling ALL the parents you know not to book him because he's a shitty arsehole.


NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 25-May-13 23:06:00

Yes...NO nice letter....a strongly worded one in which you let him know you'll name him on MN unless he swears never to play such a sexist piece of shit game again.

almost50 Sun 26-May-13 06:13:20

Absolutely unacceptable. I would let the birthday child's parents know. They need to complain too.

BiscuitMillionaire Sun 26-May-13 06:16:29

Utterly appalling. Is that what our culture has stooped to? Boys grabbing girls and giving them the thumbs up or thumbs down? What's at next year's party - wet t-shirt competition?

CheeryCherry Sun 26-May-13 06:56:40

Terrible idea, how soul destroying. DJ must be an absolute tosser sad

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sun 26-May-13 07:24:20

Agree with everyone else, plus two additional issues. Of course it's the girls being judged and the boys doing the judging hmm. In addition there will be a few girls who get thumbs down after thumbs down and go home completely humiliated. potential for bullying huge.

GraduallyGoingInsane Sun 26-May-13 07:31:43

YANBU! I'd be absolutely fuming. At that age on negative comment can cause years of upset. My DDs are all very conscious of their body image so a public 'vote' against them would kill them.

I often wonder where some people's brains are. How could that game ever be a good idea?!

ZillionChocolate Sun 26-May-13 07:31:44


ZillionChocolate Sun 26-May-13 07:32:26

I wouldn't expect that anywhere other than a club 18-30 holiday.

GraduallyGoingInsane Sun 26-May-13 07:32:29

*one negative comment, not on!

Chivetalking Sun 26-May-13 07:37:39

How foul. Totally inappropriate.

A letter is good but a phone call maybe from the parents who booked him would get it stopped sooner.

He might be planning to pull the same stunt at parties today and tomorrow sad

MummytoKatie Sun 26-May-13 07:57:32

Inappropriate a 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22, 24, 26, 28, 30, 32, 34, 36. I could carry on!

MummytoKatie Sun 26-May-13 07:58:12

Ahem - Inappropriate at

mrssprout Sun 26-May-13 08:10:15

We went to a kids in care christmas party where the clown, asking for a helper, said, I need an idiot, is anyone here an idiot ?
I was so stunned I didn't act immediately but when asked after the party by the manager what we thought of the entertainment I told her exactly what I thought. She made lots of notes as I was telling her & I don't think they will be using that company again any time soon.

delusionsofadequacy Sun 26-May-13 08:11:23

It sounds like a game version of the equally horrible videos that my 13 year old cousin gets tagged in on face book. They call them hot or not videos and they seem to list their class and decide if they are hot or not! I would def complain to the DJ

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