to think our neighbour shouldn't engage my 5 year old DD in conversation...

(194 Posts)
Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:20:22

... when she is playing alone in our garden? He is an adult with his own children who live with his wife. He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable but I don't know what to do about it. Not sure if I'm over-reacting. What would you do?

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:20:52

I've just looked up and now he is on the trampoline with her.

Sparklymommy Sat 25-May-13 16:22:17

That's a bit weird! It may be that he is just being friendly but I have to say I would find that strange.

HollyBerryBush Sat 25-May-13 16:22:26

Why don't you like other adults talking to your child?

ZZZenagain Sat 25-May-13 16:22:40

go out and ask, oh sorry were you looking for me? I didn't hear the door bell

Oscalito Sat 25-May-13 16:22:45

Go out there!

cozietoesie Sat 25-May-13 16:23:10

Does he have a child of that age? I was wondering if it's possible that he misses them when they're not around.

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 16:23:17

Do you mean he's in your garden??

VinegarDrinker Sat 25-May-13 16:23:49

Talking to her - absolutely fine

Climbing over their fence and getting on your trampoline - bit odd

piprabbit Sat 25-May-13 16:23:55

Our NDN's DD used to come round and help with the gardening, we didn't invite her but would make her welcome so long as her parents knew she was with us. This was in the days before we had DCs and it would have made me sad if our NDNs had been worried, but hadn't tried to talk to us and get to know us before deciding we were a threat.
But I would have him off the trampoline like a shot - rules here are one person at a time (minimises the risks of horrific breakages).

antshouse Sat 25-May-13 16:24:12

Is he letting himself into your garden. That is odd behaviour.

greenfolder Sat 25-May-13 16:24:20

huh? my neighbours speak to my 5 year old dd all the time. thats because they are nice and she is sociable.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:24:45

He's on the trampoline in YOUR garden??

Get out there and chase him off. A wee blether is one thing, but now he's in your garden!!!

squoosh Sat 25-May-13 16:25:27

Chatting is fine but I think it's odd that he's come into the garden and is on the trampoline with her.

Sirzy Sat 25-May-13 16:25:43

I would ask him to leave the garden and point out how dangerous having 2 people on a trampoline at once is.

The talking wouldn't bother me but coming into the garden would

thebody Sat 25-May-13 16:26:35

No not fine, go out there and tell him to get off.

He may be missing his kids or this might be the reason she left him.

Either way its not on.

VinegarDrinker Sat 25-May-13 16:27:53

"this might be the reason she left him"

What, playing with children?

Tailtwister Sat 25-May-13 16:27:55

I don't think talking to her is strange, but coming into your garden and getting on your trampoline is a bit odd. I don't think I would feel comfortable with that.

GoblinGranny Sat 25-May-13 16:28:13

Please clarify what's actually happening. Is he in your garden uninvited and on the trampoline? Is the trampoline in a communal garden?
Either way, for safety reasons an adult shouldn't be on the trampoline at the same time as a child

plummyjam Sat 25-May-13 16:29:58

Talking to DD acceptable - although I'd be a bit suspicious of a bloke who chats to a 5 year old girl when he thinks mum is not looking.

Getting on your trampoline in your back garden with her - definitely not acceptable. Weird.

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 16:29:58

I think listen to your instincts - you're not happy with it/ you feel uncomfortable with it. A grown man/ woman you don't know well getting on your trampoline with your DD without asking you is odd.

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:30:00

Bit of a mixed reaction coming back. To clarify I don't know him more than to say hello and he is letting himself into our garden. DD is very sociable and I am more than happy for her to talk to people but this feels odd and I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I am over-reacting but I just called her into the house which is unfair on her.
Thanks for all your feedback.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 25-May-13 16:30:46

go out there and ask him to leave your garden ffs! Listen to your instincts and ACT ON THEM!"

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 25-May-13 16:31:20

NO. DO NOT call DD in...tell him to leave! Very, very weird. Adults know not to do this.

HotCrossPun Sat 25-May-13 16:32:03

Chatting to her - totally fine and normal.

Jumping your fence and bouncing on a childs trampoline...not so much grin

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 16:32:43

I would speak to him about it and ask (tell) him not to come into your garden. Like you say - why should she have to stop playing out there? You're right - it's odd behaviour.

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 16:33:03

You need to speak to him.

Is he still about? I'd go and tell him that you don't like him coming into your garden and he isn't to do it again.

HotCrossPun Sat 25-May-13 16:33:13

So what are you going to do now, just not let her back out in the garden in case the neighbour wants to come over and play?

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 25-May-13 16:33:14

What NeoMaxiZoomDweebie said.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:33:34

I think it is best if you politely communicate to him that you aren't amenable to him letting himself into your garden 'to play'. Your garden is yours, and does not come with an open invitation to the neighbours.

ArthurCucumber Sat 25-May-13 16:34:05

We live in a friendly, rural neighbourhood. My reaction to that would be that chatting to her is fine, all our neighbours chat to my dds. I was coming onto the thread to say that YWBU, until I saw that he'd come right into your garden and got on the trampoline with her confused. Nope, YANBU, that's crossing a line.

OK, maybe she invited him to come on with her (you can imagine conversations with a 5 yr old where that might happen). If a neighbour's child invited me I'd laugh and say I was far too old and creaky.

TigerSwallowTail Sat 25-May-13 16:34:15

As others have said, chatting to her is fine, letting himself into your garden and playing on the trampoline with her isn't.

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 16:34:26

Btw I don't think it's odd if he occasionally speaks to her. That's just being neighbourly.

It is odd if he's doing it every time your dd is out inthe garden.
It's very odd for him to let himself into your garden.

Oscalito Sat 25-May-13 16:34:43

No, you don't let yourself into someone else's garden without an invitation. If you're a man and you're letting yourself into someone else's garden to chat to a five year old girl then you're really straying into hmm territory. Just odd.

ArthurCucumber Sat 25-May-13 16:35:07

But yes, bringing her in because of him is the wrong way round (although I appreciate that it's easier and I hate confrontation myself). You need to make sure he knows that isn't on and doesn't do it again but fuck knows what I'd say to him if it was me

piprabbit Sat 25-May-13 16:35:15

I don't think you've had a mixed reaction at all - everyone is a shock at him coming into your garden uninvited and playing on the trampoline.

Talking over the fence, fine. Anyone letting themselves into our garden without asking would be questioned and asked to leave. I'd be telling him clearly and calmly that you do not want him letting himself into your garden, tyvm. angry

SarahBumBarer Sat 25-May-13 16:36:06

It's quite dangerous having two entirely differently sized/weighted people on a trampoline. I would use that as an excuse to get him off and a means of telling DD that she should not have him on there with her again.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 16:36:50

How is he getting into your garden? shock. Make it secure, if this loola can get in anybody can.

antshouse Sat 25-May-13 16:37:01

My neighbours dc chat if I go in the garden and I answer them. They are toddlers and they initiate it. Its a relief to get the washing in these days with their constant questions. I certainly wouldn't let myself in and play with them.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:37:33

Chatting now and then, when he happens to be out in his garden- fine
If he's making a point of appearing in his garden whenever she's out there - pushy, and not ok.
Coming into your garden and using the trampoline- bloody weird!

Do you think your dd might have invited him in?

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 16:37:49

Oh, and go out there, stop looking through the window, posting on mumsnet hmm

Lweji Sat 25-May-13 16:37:53

Put a higher fence?

ItsallisnowaFeegle Sat 25-May-13 16:37:59

Tell him to get to fuck OP!

In theory, I agree that having a wee chat is fine, but if there's something you can't put your finger on, trust your instincts.

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:38:10

Thanks Neo that's how I feel about it. It's a very small street and we're new. In fact it's a really small village so I just feel awkward about it. We're trying really hard to fit in so the last thing I want to do is offend anyone.
I would never go into someone else's garden without ringing the bell and speaking to parents first.

SlimePrincess Sat 25-May-13 16:38:31

Go and tell him to GTFO. He shouldn't be In your garden.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:39:49

Also, it sounds like you feel a as though you need a cast iron 'reason' to stop him.. Almost as though you are doubting your instincts. I don't think you need any reason beyond protecting your normal family privacy. I would be extremely irritated if a neighbour appeared and wanted to talk every time I went in the garden. It's just beyond the boundaries of normal interaction - it's pushy

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:39:54

I've never lived in any place where the neighbours routinely let themselves in for a play date with my kids.

Tell him no.

TumbleweedAndSandDunes Sat 25-May-13 16:40:25

I would say"thank you for making an effort with DD, would you mind only playing when me or DH are here though as we're trying to get the message about not going off/playing with adults if we don't know where she is/what she's doing for safety"

piprabbit Sat 25-May-13 16:40:26

So what are you going to do about it?

MagicHouse Sat 25-May-13 16:40:33

It's quite dangerous having two entirely differently sized/weighted people on a trampoline. I would use that as an excuse to get him off and a means of telling DD that she should not have him on there with her again.

Agree with this, apart from the last bit - at 5 she's too young to have the responsibility of not having him on there. I think you should tell him (in her ear shot) that he shouldn't get on there with her again. It should never be down to her - apart from telling her that you'll be looking out there and making sure he doesn't get on again.

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:40:48

Hi Flogging - I should add that I would have been out there but was trying to feed baby in her highchair and couldn't leave her unattended. (However still had a free hand to type...).

Thanks all for your messages.

Snowgirl1 Sat 25-May-13 16:41:45

Sorry Patiencedeficit, but I think you're totally over-reacting.

acceptableinthe80s Sat 25-May-13 16:43:30

You have to speak to him about this otherwise he'll assume it's fine. Very odd behaviour. 'fitting in' would be the least of my worries, normal grown men don't wander into peoples gardens to play with kids they don't know.

ArthurCucumber Sat 25-May-13 16:43:34

Snowgirl, did you just read the OP, or did you read the part where he let himself into her garden and got on the trampoline with her dd ?

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:43:35

You're right Snowgirl - she should invite him round for dinner and offer to do his washing while he takes a bath. hmm

TheHonourableAlgyLacey Sat 25-May-13 16:43:55

I say go with instincts every time. You don't need a "reason" when it comes to your own children - if you don't like him, don't let him intrude like this.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 25-May-13 16:44:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve Sat 25-May-13 16:45:13

Saying hello, a small comment, then getting on with his morning - fine.
Sharing a joke, that you're in on, and comfortable with, when you are around - fine (our neighbour spent an afternoon pretending he wanted to buy DS1's scooter for a pound, when he was out doing some work and DS1 was out with DH, also doing some work - he has grandchildren of his own who are always around, and he is lovely with them, so it was a perfectly normal conversation that made no one uncomfortable)

Lingering too long when your DD is alone - really not fine.
Inviting himself into your garden - absolutely not fine. Tell him to sod off.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:47:00

Is it clear that he 'invited himself in' though?
I assumed it was the little girl asking him- which is exactly the type of thing my ultra sociable dd would have said at a young age!

Not saying its ok- I would find it intrusive and put a stop to it.

BackforGood Sat 25-May-13 16:48:05

From your title, I was coming on to say of course YABU - why on earth wouldn't a neighbour chat to their neighbour's children.

Letting himself into your garden and jumping on the trampoline with her is a different thing altogether.

Is it a gate? Can you put a lock on it ?
I would say - politely but firmly that you would rather he didn't come into your garden which you are trying to make secure so your dd can play without any worries out there.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:48:37

Even if the dd did invite him what? The accepted response is 'no thank you, I have things to do...but I hope you have fun' before making good your escape. It is not to say 'I thought you'd never ask' and leap in!

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:49:43

In answer to piprabbit - what am I going to do about it? I think I need to wait until the next time it happens and ensure that he knows he can't come and talk to her when I'm not around. Easier thought than said - wish me luck. As for the trampolining I have let DD know that she must not bounce on there with an adult and if he tries to get on again then she must get off for safety reasons.
Sound ok?

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 16:50:42

What difference does it make if the dd invited him? She's five years old!
Most blokes wouldn't accept an invite from a five year old to come into her garden and play on the trampoline hmm

Oscalito Sat 25-May-13 16:51:17

Hopefully by calling her in you've given him the message that you weren't happy about it. I'd also look into securing the gate if you can.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him, but that's just me.

Even if she did ask him in, he shouldn't have accepted. She's five, for god's sake!

ProphetOfDoom Sat 25-May-13 16:51:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:52:13

Pictish- I agree, but some adults are socially awkward and might feel that to say no when invited in might upset the child.
I am not saying the situation is ok. I said right from the start that I would put a stop to it. I just think some people are jumping to the conclusion that he jumped the fence and clambered on the trampoline uninvited. All I am saying is that IME some young children can be like limpets with adults, and attach themselves and want them to play with them. One of my own children was very like this- would happily chat away to anyone

gosh talking over the fence is fine, a person letting selves into your garden, um NO

grit teeth (we all hate confrontation, I know, I know) and say 'Please can you leave my garden, thank you.' bright smile, open the gate, make ushering gesture, shoo him out, shut gate with a snap.

Any way you can secure the gate, get a bolt to go inside perhaps?

ArthurCucumber Sat 25-May-13 16:52:33

It doesn't matter whether she invited him in. No adult with an ounce of sense would accept.

hugoagogo Sat 25-May-13 16:52:40

There's nothing wrong with him talking to her. hmm

I think it's a little odd he was on your trampoline. That said, I am sometimes on my neighbours trampoline but i am there with my children. We don't have one and they do and neighbour insists they can go round and play on it.

difficultultimatum Sat 25-May-13 16:53:38

I was going to say you were being U till I read he was letting himself into your garden

That's not right. YANBU.

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 25-May-13 16:53:53

What did you do OP?

piprabbit Sat 25-May-13 16:54:46

I think talking to your DD about trampoline safety and talking to him if he comes around again is fine.
I'd also be looking at putting a padlock on the gate.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Sat 25-May-13 16:55:33

Totally agree with pictish. It really doesn't matter if a 5 year old invites a grown up to bounce on her trampoline. The correct response is always, aww thanks for the offer but I'm really busy today. hmm

Pagwatch Sat 25-May-13 16:58:07

No. Don't wait until next time.

Go around and say
'saw you playing in the garden. It's lovely that when DD chats you have time to reply and be nice BUT obviously she is young, we are teaching her about strangers and friends and need to keep her safe. It will be deply confusing for her if I tell her she must ask before playing with other people if you just appear. I need her to understand the rules so please knock next time and don't let yourself in without my taking you out there.
Obviously sometimes it won't be convenient.....'

And by a huge dog.

janey68 Sat 25-May-13 16:58:58

Yes, I know we are all aware of the correct response. A socially awkward person might not be.
It doesn't mean they are in the right. I'm just pointing out that its not necessarily the case that he took it into his head to vault the fence and have a bounce. She may well have kept asking him to have a go and he thought it was the best thing to do to keep her happy. Clearly to people who aren't socially awkward that's not the correct response

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 16:59:44

I have no problem with neighbours talking to my DD but not regularly when she is on her own. He's not even our immediate next door neighbour! Sorry if the title doesn't quite reflect the post blush
I feel better about dealing with it now. Sometimes I do overreact so I wanted to check with all you kind reasonable MNers. Thank you flowers

pictish Sat 25-May-13 16:59:48

Again...even so.

ohcomethefuckon Sat 25-May-13 17:00:22

Absolutely what Pagwatch said.

mrsjay Sat 25-May-13 17:01:42

sorry but why are you sitting on the internet why you are feeling awkward go out to him talking to your dd is one think playing on the trampoline is another, how would you feel if he came into your garden and sat down int he garden to read his paper or something jeez go out to him

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 25-May-13 17:03:09

In your position, I would knock on his bloody door and inform him that he is not to enter your garden again. I wouldn't bother being's a frigging weird thing to do.

he has a family who he doesn't live with, DC of his own...learning difficulties are improbable but even then, he needs guidance...or telling to fuck off if no LD present.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 25-May-13 17:08:34

What Pag said

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 17:09:27

He's not your next door (as in, over the fence) neighbour? shock
So he just wandered in on the off chance there was a trampoline to have a go on; and even better if there was a resident 5 year old to play with??
I'd buy a shotgun.

GoblinGranny Sat 25-May-13 17:12:13

Why is everything so complicated on MN? confused
Go round and ask him not to come into your garden without a specific invitation from an adult. Be polite but firm.
If he does it again, ask the CPO to have a word.
Why feel awkward? he's the trespasser and however well-intentioned it isn't acceptable.

Wishiwasanheiress Sat 25-May-13 17:12:20

Take this breach of social etiquette extremely seriously.

It's grooming. No other description. He doesn't have to actually touch her does he? Some of this is purely mental.

I think I would contact 101 for advice.

claig Sat 25-May-13 17:12:46

Agree with Pag, and I would put up a 6 foot fence all around the perimeter so that he can't see in or get in.

mrsjay Sat 25-May-13 17:13:35

nobody would let anybody in their garden would they ? cant imagine i would be too chuffed if i went out back and some random neighbour was sitting on my bench


not even a next door neighbour, crikey.

OK, well, this has flagged up an issue: your garden is not secure, and that is of concern. Folk can let selves in, your children may not be able to let selves out yet BUT the gate may not be shut fully when folk leave, allowing a wandering child scenario. That is a massive eeek, isn't it.

Binkybix Sat 25-May-13 17:31:11

Sorry, I might have missed this and I know it's not the main point, but was he actually on the trampoline or just in the garden?

Chatting over fence = ok
Coming into garden = odd
Bouncing on trampoline = very odd

ZZZenagain Sat 25-May-13 17:33:02

he was in her garden, jumping on the trampoline with her dd

crashdoll Sat 25-May-13 17:33:47

The weirdest part of this whole thread is that the OP is not really reacting to the craziness of a random neighbour inviting himself in.

mrsjay Sat 25-May-13 17:35:38

is not really reacting to the craziness of a random neighbour inviting himself in.

thats what got me too she felt awkward and impolite to say something I am honestly not having a go but jeez confused

cocolepew Sat 25-May-13 17:38:41

Does he let himself in just to talk to her too? Or lean over the fence?

ifancyashandy Sat 25-May-13 17:39:31

Chatting to neighbours children whilst in the garden? Totally fine and indeed a lovely, neighbourly thing to do. I do it. It like children and find them good fun.

Letting self into neighbours garden? Totally not fine and overstepping the boundaries (literally, as well as metaphorically!)

Coco he's not a ndn, so no fence leaning. Tres odd.

ZZZenagain Sat 25-May-13 17:40:57

she was indoors feeding thecbaby, so called in her dd. When she had the baby back out of the high chair presumably he had gone. When someone is there to look after the dc, OP I would suggest going round and telling him how you feel, politely of course but firmly.

Potterer Sat 25-May-13 17:47:38

I'll never forget that scene in The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo film where he is invited into the house of the killer, he knows he is the killer and yet he accepts the invitation rather than offend! Even the killer says it to him!

I'm sorry but this is totally unacceptable behaviour on behalf of an adult, male or female. I would say what Pagwatch said.

cocolepew Sat 25-May-13 17:50:58

shock er no in that case you go and tell him to stay out of your garden.
I'd be round there like a shot.

TattyDevine Sat 25-May-13 17:53:53

Statistically its more likely he's trying to pull you than anything else sinister, but I can see its weird, and definitely awkward.

EnlightenedOwl Sat 25-May-13 17:58:45

just talking to her in passing - nowt wrong with that. But coming into the garden and jumping on trampoline with her - no. I would get the fence heightened and a lock on the gate. Not over reaction - improves your security anyway.

BoundandRebound Sat 25-May-13 17:59:23

Go round tonight and tell him not to let himself into your garden and that you find it intensely inappropriate as you don't know him.

fastyspeedyfast Sat 25-May-13 18:01:13

Lordy, OP, this is not okay. Secure your garden and politely but firmly tell the neighbour to stay well away from your child.

Also, go to local police and ask them about this. Tell them who your neighbour is, and what's been going on. Not to make a complaint... but if there is a known reason to worry and he's breaking into gardens to access a child on her own... the police will want to know that.

There are innocent reasons he may be doing this (special needs?), but it is so unusual that you should take action.

WuzzleMonkey Sat 25-May-13 18:06:28

I agree with going round and having a there someone you can take with you if you feel nervous?

I think he's testing your boundaries here...and now he knows that you know he was in your garden playing with your DD, and you didn't challenge him. What will he do next time?

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 18:10:50

Tatty you may be right... that did make me chuckle.

In all seriousness though why should I put a 6 foot fence up with a padlock? Don't tell me everyone on this thread has that? How does the postman get to your house? Or should I put a mailbox 80 feet from my house too?

I am concerned but I'm not going to head over to his house and bite the guy's head off. That would be unreasonable. If he ventures into the garden again or even to the end of the driveway then I will tell him.

BsshBossh Sat 25-May-13 18:13:16

He is not your immediate next door neighbour, he is letting himself into your garden without your permission and without your presence, he is only interested in engaging with your DD and not you (?). This is not normal behaviour for an adult in this day and age. You need to take immediate steps to deal with it (and please secure your garden if you have a child playing there alone whilst you are distracted).

Talking to your child if immediate neighbour and known to you, fine.

Jumping the fence and bouncing on the trampoline, not on.

I would have told him in no uncertain terms to leave.

You must go round there and challenge him.

I would also consider applying to your local Police force for a disclosure under Sarah's Law, just to check if he has history. His behaviour is highly suspect.

EnlightenedOwl Sat 25-May-13 18:27:04

I don't have children but yes I have high fences at the back and a gate which is locked. Its open access at the front so not as secure but you can't get "front to back.". Its for personal security - right now I'm "home alone" the front door is locked but back door wide open however I know the gate is locked no one can get in that way. Makes me feel more secure. To be honest with young children it also stops them getting out as much as anyone getting in..

toiletbrush Sat 25-May-13 18:43:46

Anybody with an ounce of common sense would have gone straight out there when he entered your garden and bounced on the trampoline with dd. Instead you were writing posts on here...

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 18:50:42

Your letterbox is surely at your front door? confused
If you actually have a trampoline in your front garden, open to all comers, then what happened is a little though not much less odd than you made it sound.

WeAreSix Sat 25-May-13 18:51:12

I wouldn't bite his head off, but I'd certainly be telling him firmly, but politely, not to come into your garden unless invited by an adult.

Is the trampoline in your back garden? How did he get in?

Pagwatch Sat 25-May-13 18:59:16

This doesn't make sense now tbh.

Where is the trampoline?
I have a trampoline. To get to it you would have to go through the iron gates at the side of my house. The postman does not need to go through the gates as the letterbox is at the front door.

KingRollo Sat 25-May-13 18:59:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletforya Sat 25-May-13 19:00:58

Agree with janey68 you don't need to state any reason to this man to not do this. Even if he's jusst socially inept and harmless it doesn't matter.

You need to just say to him as soon as next you can that you would prefer if he didn't come into the garden. Be firm but cordial. Don't say anything else just state that and stick to it.

What's the worst that could happen if you do that? He'll tell people you asked him not to come into your garden or some other version of that. So what. Let him. You can't have this man coming into your garden and playing and talking to your dd. You don't want it and that's enough of a reason.

I wouldn't care if the whole villiage ostracised me for this. If people did that then really would you want to live there. I really do get that it feels uncomfortable but you have no choice here, whatever the fall out you need to feel and be comfortable and safe in your own home and garden.

Pagwatch Sat 25-May-13 19:04:10

Actually, as it hapens, I am The Queen of the World

WeAreSix Sat 25-May-13 19:07:24

Pag grin

NapaCab Sat 25-May-13 19:07:43

Hmm... what an awkward situation. All you can do now is make sure it doesn't happen again.

Have you had a 'stranger danger' talk with your DD to remind her to check with you before inviting people to play? I'm not saying she did invite him but it's a good idea to refresh her awareness on things like that. If nothing else, it will give her the confidence to say to this neighbour next time that she doesn't have permission to have him over without checking with you first.

Mumsyblouse Sat 25-May-13 19:10:17

Man you don't know (at all) gets into your garden and goes on your trampoline with your 5 year old- why didn't you go out there immediately and say 'can I help you?' and give him a stare? I don't get this.

Mumsyblouse Sat 25-May-13 19:10:48

And, it is not up to your dd to put up the boundaries, she is the child, he is the adult you must get out there and do it for her!

ImperialBlether Sat 25-May-13 19:18:51

I'm just trying to imagine a situation where I look out of the window, see a man I barely know jumping on a trampoline with my little girl in my own garden, which he has no right to enter, and my first thought is to write a post on MN asking for advice.

claig Sat 25-May-13 19:22:00

'I don't get this.'

Agree. Is it for real?

Jestrin Sat 25-May-13 19:22:47

I'm not sure if the OP has dealt with it? Has she? If it were me, I'd be knocking on his door for a word.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 25-May-13 19:24:48

It's not unusual to have access to the back garden from the front of the house? Unless you're in a terrace I guess.

No he isn't in the garden anymore, but why wait till next time to put boundaries in place? Surely if you speak to him now (and by challenging him I do not mean shouting the odds, just firmly tell him it is not appropriate), it may prevent it happening again.

Why risk your child's potential safety? You do not know his history, the next time she might decide to go with him if he invites her to leave with him. A 5 year old is not necessarily going to stay where you tell them. You might not notice him in there if you are doing something. It is not easy to think about the worst case scenario, but if it protects your child to acknowledge the possibility then it is worth it.

Even if I did order someone to do something (not that it was meant that way, more in an urging the OP to act kind of a way), they are individuals with free will and will do what they bally well like anyway!

pigletmania Sat 25-May-13 19:29:21

It is very odd letting himself into talk to your dd. fine if he was walking past and said hello how are you, how's school etc. I would put a lock on your gate inyur garden so h cant get in

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 19:31:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Where exactly is the trampoline? Back garden or front garden/side of house?

How many gates/entrances would this neighbour need to get through? Just the front gate (which the postman would also use) or a shut gate to the back garden that only your family would be expected to use?

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 20:05:47

shock what did I say?

EnlightenedOwl Sat 25-May-13 20:17:27

thinking on that's true, if i saw a chap from next door on the trampoline with my child in my garden I'd be out the door like a whippet out of a trap

wordyBird Sat 25-May-13 20:26:06

IMHO you aren't over reacting. This guy is pushing it. Getting on a trampoline with a small child, in someone else's garden, without asking anyone's permission is 100 % wrong and he knows it.

This in particular shows an odd pattern of behaviour
He comes over to talk to DD whenever she is playing on the trampoline. if he did it once or twice, ok, but that looks like a pattern...and your response.. It makes me feel very awkward. I have to watch like a hawk because I am so uncomfortable is telling you something.

I think you have to be very firm and follow your instincts. I'm not saying he's a definite risk but there is something iffy here that wants stopping.

I was groomed by a career paedophile btw....a friendly guy that all the kids loved.. sad my mother's instincts and her watchful eye saved me.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat Sat 25-May-13 20:39:05

Go over this evening and tell him not to enter your garden without your - not your children's - permission again.

The thing with boundary pushers - of all shades of creepiness - is that they start off with something which takes you aback, but you can't really react to and then it becomes harder to address it because they can innocently claim they thought it was ok. They know that that claim will be running through the back of your mind and make it that bit harder to assert yourself next time.

You don't have to be rude or aggressive just "I saw you enter my garden and go on the trampoline this afternoon and I couldn't address it then because of the baby. Please don't do it again. I'm sure your motive was good but we like our private space to be respected, and our garden is part of that." Don't get any further drawn in.

Oblomov Sat 25-May-13 20:48:26

This is a joke, right? This is a repeat of a thread a while ago.How exactly did he get in? Gate? Lock it. Do something for gods sake. Please tell me that this is a wind up and a troll.

Pagwatch Sat 25-May-13 20:54:27

It's all very odd.

GoblinGranny Sat 25-May-13 20:55:24

Like I said, why are things always so complicated on MN? Why so much silent suffering and martyred rolling of eyes and expectation of telepathy?
My DS has real difficulty understanding social conventions, but he's learned because I've been explicit about it, in the same way that I teach children in school what is acceptable and what isn't.
Politely, calmly and unambiguously.
Molehills, not mountains.

Patiencedeficit Sat 25-May-13 21:11:33

Wow, I never expected so many harsh words for what seemed like a reasonable request for advice.
There are so many of you on this thread who jump to conclusions and feel like you have to criticise instead of simply offering good advice.
You don't know where I live, or the set up of my garden, or whether I had already been out to check on my DD. You'd just like to assume that I would rather sit on the computer rather than look after my children.
How many of you faced with an awkward situation know immediately how to approach it?
I'm so grateful to all of you who were sincerely helpful in your replies.
For the rest of you, I've ordered 8 foot high perimeter fences with barbed wire on top. I'll be getting a guard dog after I've called the police and I've told the paedophile across the road to f off.
All the same I'm pleased I stopped to think about it for a few minutes just in case he really was trying to be neighbourly.

GoblinGranny Sat 25-May-13 21:13:08

Have you posted about this same problem before, as Oblomov seems to remember it?

GoblinGranny Sat 25-May-13 21:16:06

'How many of you faced with an awkward situation know immediately how to approach it?'

Well, usually common sense is my first approach.

Jestrin Sat 25-May-13 21:17:31

If he was being neighbourly, he would chat to you too and ask if you were ok with it as your DD is only 5. For you to look up and find him bouncing on the trampoline with her is just incredibly...odd.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:25:13

OP grin

I do love a sassy response.

Pagwatch Sat 25-May-13 21:30:30

You have had a lot of sensible replies. Mine was fairly sensible and dn't require fencing.
But why does the postman need to get to your post box through the garden <puzzled >

kim147 Sat 25-May-13 21:34:32

So what are you actually going to do?

Jan49 Sat 25-May-13 21:39:00

You still haven't answered the question of how he got into your garden? Did he have to walk along to your house and open a gate? If so, put a lock on the inside of it.

It sounds like you're saying that on more than one occasion your dd has been on the trampoline and he's come along the road especially to speak to her. If that's the case I think I'd speak to the police and ask if they can tell you if he is a known sex offender. Or at least speak to them and see what they say. I wouldn't expect any adult male or female to come along from their house especially to talk to your 5 y.o. when she's alone in the garden. And getting on the trampoline with her is weird.

Oblomov Sat 25-May-13 21:40:20

No. You are right. We don't know the set up of your garden.we kept asking and asking, but you refused to answer.
so, prey do tell. You have a trampoline. So not tiny. Is it walled, fenced, bushes? How do you get in? Patio door? Is there a gate?
Normal British gardens have limited access. So if someone is in your garden, they must have jumped, broken in, is the logical conclusion, for most of us.
You seem unable to see our pov on this, how odd it is.

claig Sat 25-May-13 21:42:07

It is very weird and if he does things like that, I expect he would just step over the gate if it was locked.

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 21:44:24

Way overstepping boundaries - your instincts to feel extremely uncomfortable are not unfounded. I'd find it hard to approach the man because I'm not good at confrontation but I can't see that not confronting him is a good idea. It's very very very odd behaviour for an adult - no reasonable adult would think it's ok to just step into someone else's garden, let alone step in someone else's garden and get on their trampoline with their 5 year old daughter. Honestly, the heckles are up on the back of my neck just thinking about it.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 21:47:58

Where is your trampoline, op?. Why don't you answer?

Innacorner Sat 25-May-13 21:50:37

What dancingwithmyself said
OP your spidey sense was telling you there was something off with your neighbour before he jumped on the trampoline - what he just did has surely confirmed that on the most generous interpretation of events that he fails to recognise appropriate boundaries.
Do keep him very far away from your DD and consider talking to the police about his activities.
One thing I have learnt from parenting is that if my instincts tell me something is wrong, then it probably is.

ifindoubtnamechange Sat 25-May-13 21:51:32

Excusetypos you referred to an ongoing court case. I'm sure you wouldn't want to interfere with the outcome.

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 21:53:38

Oh gosh, I'm sorry. blush

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 21:54:18

I'm not sure I really understand how the set up of someone's garden has got anything to do with this man's behaviour. I'm curious, yes, because exactly how far beyond boundaries does this man think it is ok to go? But in all honesty, even if the OP has a garden that is completely open, this man is getting on a trampoline with a 5 year old who isn't his 5 year old without even checking with a parent if this is ok - and likely he's walking onto someone else's private property to do's beyond strange and very creepy.

HotCrossPun Sat 25-May-13 21:54:35

You said you don't live next door to this person and that he comes and talks to your daughter whenever she is alone in the garden.

So he is in your garden or a regular basis and you haven't spoken to him before now?

It bothered you enough to start a thread about it, but then you get arsey when people offer you sensible suggestions on how to keep him out.

If you did what any normal person would and actually went out and spoke to him when he came over to play with your daughter then people wouldn't be suggesting locks on gates etc.

ExcuseTypos Sat 25-May-13 21:57:23

Actually the more I think about this the more bonkers it seems that you haven't done anything. You have to protect your dd. It is your responsibility.

A grown man, is coming into your garden and speaking to your child, whithout your knowledge or permission. Today he thought it was ok to start jumping on a trampoline with her. Apart form anything else, that is dangerous and stupid.

Get out there tomorrow morning and tell him to stay away.

candyandyoga Sat 25-May-13 21:57:30

He has clearly overstepped the boundaries and you need to take this seriously. People who do bad thins rely on people to not say or do anything about their seemingly 'normal' behaviour. You need to call him up on letting himself in your garden and talking to your daughter. You need to do this now.

WastedTomatoGuts Sat 25-May-13 21:58:05

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

kim147 Sat 25-May-13 21:59:52

I've got an open garden with easy access to anyone who wants to get in. If I had a trampoline and someone started bouncing on it with DS, I would not be happy and would be wanting to talk to him.

It's not the kind of thing adults do.

Oblomov Sat 25-May-13 22:00:10

likely he's walking onto someone else's private property to do's beyond strange and very creepy.

EXACTLY. My point exactly. Why can't op see this?

Oblomov Sat 25-May-13 22:04:27

another poster said "if I saw a man in my garden, I would be out there like a shot".
So would I.
I never said he was a paedophile. I never mentioned that word.
But someone in your garden, uninvited. And worse still, or your trampoline, with your child, is overstepping the boundaries, odd and creepy.

Innacorner Sat 25-May-13 22:04:42

wastedtom so do you think the neighbour is behaving in a normal and appropriate way?

nethunsreject Sat 25-May-13 22:05:10

Op, I was in this situation as a kid - neighbour too close for comfort /normal etiquette and a mum who wasn't terribly good with boundaries. In my case, I ended up being abused
Fgs even if this guy is totally harmless, show your daughter that this is not within the realms of usual behaviour and stand up for her '

defineme Sat 25-May-13 22:05:41

My ndn is 80something woman and we share a drive with her. She chats to kids all the time on our shared driveway, feeds our cats when we're away, asks us for help with heavy lifting and so on.
Other than for parties she has been invited too, she has never set foot in our garden.

The only explanation I can think of that's not creepy, is that he doesn't understand social norms, so go round and say exactly what Pag said and then hopefullly he'll get it.

GoblinGranny Sat 25-May-13 22:05:48

No he isn't, but neither is the OP.

ahusband Sat 25-May-13 22:06:42

1. This is seriously weird
2. Get rid of the trampoline, they are ridiculously dangerous

Thesunalwayshinesontv Sat 25-May-13 22:20:07

Is the trampoline in the front garden, open to the road?

ICanTotallyDance Sat 25-May-13 22:21:40

Yes, this is very odd behaviour.

Let me get what I think the story is so far so that my advice makes sense.
You recently moved to a small village with your DH and (at least) 2 DCs.

You do not know many people in the village that well yet.

A man from the neighbourhood (not your NDN) often stops to talk to your DD.

He has started letting himself into the garden.

When you posted this, he had let himself in and got on the trampoline with your daughter (who is only five).

You were inside tending to the baby at the time.

You called your daughter in (not sure on this point)

He left

You did not confront him.
So far, my thoughts, (and please correct my version of events if it is wrong). He is behaving inappropriately. That much is obvious.

How I think you should proceed:

Have a friendly chat with your DD about stranger danger. Just to refresh her memory. Remind her not to play with people she doesn't know, not to invite people over without permission, to come and get you if she feels uncomfortable. Make sure she definitely knows not to leave the garden if a neighbour invites her around to their place.

Later, maybe ask her about the neighbour, e.g. what's his name, what's his job, what was their conversation about. Keep it all very friendly but try to find out what is was about.

Chances are, this was a friendly neighbour. However, his behaviour has crossed several lines.

I wouldn't confront him unless he does it again. Next time your DD goes out to play, if possible sit outside with her and the baby. If the man comes across, have a chat across the fence. If he tries to invite himself in, tell him that you'd prefer neighbours not to enter your garden without an explicit invite and that your DD needs permission to talk to people. No need for further reasons, imo.

If he doesn't come over when you're around, but comes over every time your DD is alone, something is very fishy. Maybe not in a harmful pedophile way, but fishy nonetheless.

If he comes over again whilst you are inside, particularly if it is after you have confronted him, you will need to march out there are straight up tell him that you find his behaviour inappropriate and would he please stop. You do not need to justify asking an old man to leave your garden and stop playing with your young daughter, particularly on a trampoline!

Does he do this with any other neighbourhood kids? I find this all very strange.

BTW, I find the Sarah's Law preposition very reasonable. Chances are he doesn't have any past convictions but you would be kicking yourself if you found out he had and something happened. There is a very small chance he is grooming your child. Just make sure it doesn't escalate to the point where he can convince your DD to leave the garden with him and he can reasonable argue that he didn't know it was wrong because you have never said anything.

All that said, I also hate confrontation but when it's your child, you have to do something.

Good luck with this.

MoodyDidIt Sat 25-May-13 22:25:32

i still don't get how the man got INTO the OPs garden confused

and if he does not live next door to the OP - how did he even know the ops DD was out playing?

if it was me i would have been out there like a shot telling him to get out of my garden, its just so inappropriate

all so very weird

cocolepew Sat 25-May-13 22:27:02

He wasn't being neighbourly though was he? He was a grown man who let himself into the garden to play with a 5 year old. That's not neighbourly, that's just bloody odf.

cocolepew Sat 25-May-13 22:27:26


LinusVanPelt Sat 25-May-13 22:28:13

You don't know whether he was trying to being neighbourly and simply has poor social boundaries, or whether he is a dangerous person who has started trying to groom your daughter. We don't know either, so there's no point in speculating.

But if he is trying to groom her, this will have been a bit of a test to see how she and you respond to him pushing the boundaries. If he is trying to groom her, and you do nothing now, his next move will be to push the boundaries further. That doesn't bear thinking about.

Your job, which you really MUST do for your daughter NOW, is to make sure that if this was grooming, he knows that he can't push it any further than this. He has to know that you did notice his interaction with your daughter, that you think it was inappropriate for him to engage with her in the way he did, and that you have spoken with your daughter as a result of this to remind her that if any adult approaches her when you're not around, the first thing she is to do is to come and tell you, so that you can decide whether you're comfortable with it.

You can convey all of that tactfully and in a friendly way, in case he just struggles with social boundaries and really meant no harm. If that's the case, you'll be doing him a favour before he is similarly inappropriate with the child of someone less likely to consider all the possibilities before assuming he's malicious. Pagwatch's suggestion for how to actually broach it makes perfect sense, and if you want to remain neighbourly (because he really could be harmless) you can say it all with a "sorry about this but you can't be too careful these days" kind of tone. The important thing is that you say it, and he knows that you are the type of parent who will notice and challenge inappropriate closeness to your kid.

Cosydressinggown Sat 25-May-13 23:21:28

So, you said that this guy always pops up to talk to your daughter when she is outside, yet he is not your next door neighbour, right? He must be watching her then, right? And if he can let himself in, he can let both of them OUT? Especially as you are apparently feeding the baby with one hand and typing with the other, while your very young daughter plays on the trampoline with a man you don't know?

He is BU of course - but more than that he is being predatory and inappropriate and potentially dangerous.

You are also BVU in your response. Feeding the baby is not a good excuse - you either wait till the baby has finished a mouthful or you pick up the baby and take it with you. If you see a man you barely know let himself into your garden and start interacting with your daughter, you do not turn around and with your free hand post on a website looking for advice.

Nor do you worry in the slightest about 'fitting in'.

You go out there (or go round there, since you have now missed the window you should have taken) and introduce yourself, nicely, and say, 'I'm sorry to sound unfriendly but could you please not let yourself into the garden? It's not really appropriate when I'm not outside with her.' He may be embarrassed. He should be. He may even hate you - who cares? Your daughter will be safer and it's your job to protect her.

The way he is acting is not normal, or safe. And yes, you need to secure your garden (no, not with an eight foot fence and barbed wire as you sarcastically suggest, but with some other, normal method that will stop strangers from getting in to the garden where your young child plays alone.

pictish Sun 26-May-13 08:33:49

Gosh just listen to you, all full of how the OP should feel and react. That's some talent you've got there... somehow knowing a situation better than the person who was actually there! You want to market that!

Leave the OP alone folks. We're all the most perfect parents in the world when it comes to other people's kids.

Bet she wishes she hadn't started this thread.

racmun Sun 26-May-13 08:55:50

YANBU at the end of the day she your dd and if it feels uncomfortable then that is all that matters.

Put a lock on the gate so he can't get in any more and so your dd definitely can't get out.

If you think he is odd which he sounds like he is tell him politely next time he does it that you don't think his behaviour is appropriate and you want it to stop.

I think you need to let him know you've noticed him and not let it rest. If you're really unhappy then go to the police - for all you know he may be known for inappropriate behaviour. I wouldn't take any chances

ExcuseTypos Sun 26-May-13 09:07:24

Can I just post about all the 'stranger danger' advice?

It's really inappropriate to use that phrase to young dc. The vast majority of abuse happens with someone the child is very familiar with.

In this case, to the child this man is not a stranger. He lives in the village, has spoken to her several times, and has now played with her in the trampolene.

I no longer have small dc, but I used to just tell my dc, they weren't to go with anyone, what ever age or sex, unless I or Daddy had said 'Yes, you can go with X'

CookieLady Sun 26-May-13 09:11:27

If this man has been in your garden several times why haven't you challenged him?

ChewingOnLifesGristle Sun 26-May-13 09:15:33

How strangeconfused A man has been in your garden several times talking to your dd and you've not spoken to him at all and you wonder if you should?

I'dve been out there like a rocket on day 1.

ShowOfHands Sun 26-May-13 09:18:38

Am I the only one who just assumed it's a front garden? If a postman has to walk down it and the man across the road can see/talk to dd and let himself in, then surely that's the logical conclusion. But there's a lot of illogical stuff going on so who knows?

I don't buy for a second though that anybody wouldn't go out immediately if a man/woman/other child/wild animal got on a trampoline with their child.

Aha, front garden, of course

MummaBubba123 Sun 26-May-13 09:23:17

Screams off 'odd' to me.
I'd knock on when your daughter isn't with you. I'd even ask my partner to come with. I would politely say that you're teaching your child/ren not to talk to strangers and that he is a stranger. You're happy for her to speak to him when you are speaking to him but tell him that you're sure he'd understand about the importance of her not getting used to talking and playing with adults who her parents do not actually know.
Don't get dragged into conversations about neighbours not being strangers. Just say it's tricky to know where to draw the line there but that you HAVE drawn the line and are very uncomfortable for it to be crossed. You have explained to her that a friend is someone mummy has invited home very often for tea.

Cerisier Sun 26-May-13 09:27:58

So would I Chewing.

Oscalito Sun 26-May-13 09:52:11

The OP did go out as soon as she saw him on the trampoline, and called the daughter in. I think this was the best move as it sent a message to him that a) he was being observed and b) he wasn't going to be interacting with the daughter any more.

It's easy to say she should knock on the door etc but he may not do it again. And he may just be an idiot, and not realise how it looks.

The OP clearly watches her daughter when she's outside so the daughter is safe.

Floggingmolly Sun 26-May-13 10:51:21

She didn't go out as soon as she saw the man on the trampoline, actually.
She posted on here for advice on what to do (!), and later justified this by saying she was busy feeding the baby.
That's what posters are reacting to; her complete non reaction to a stranger entering her garden and trampolining with her dd while she continued to watch through the window.

toffeelolly Sun 26-May-13 10:56:28

Yes you have to say something, does not sound normal, talking ok coming into garden no.

pigletmania Sun 26-May-13 11:49:48

Patience that's a big expectation of a five year old! Not all 5 year olds will think safety first and will have te confidence and social,maturity to deal with that situation. It's up to you to keep and eye out and if you see him doing this again, pull him up about it. If it does not stop go to the Police. It is trespassing, him letting himself in your private garden

Innacorner Sun 26-May-13 17:11:44

Another explanation for the neighbour's behaviour is that he has seen your daughter playing in your frontgarden, apparently unsupervised, on more than one occasion, and this is his attempt at demonstrating to you that anybody could be having contact with your daughter. He probably expected you to come out to him when he was just in your garden. Now that he has succeeded in playing with your DD on the trampoline and you haven't bothered challenging him probably means he'll be on to social services first thing Tuesday morning.
Which makes him a bit of a twit - but I am slightly incredulous at your own lack of action. Maybe he is too.

Ezza1 Sun 26-May-13 17:39:53

Good grief.

Cosydressinggown Mon 27-May-13 13:58:51

Pictish there is really no need to be sarcastic.

I'm not even remotely fussed about whether the OP feels picked on because the majority of posters are shocked she let a strange man regularly talk to her daughter, let himself into their garden and then start playing on the trampoline with her, unsupervised.

I don't think that feeding a baby with one hand and typing on a computer with the other hand really makes her capable of also 100% watching her DD, either, who is - she admits - in an unsecured garden where a man she barely knows has just let himself in for a play!

It's ridiculous to scoff at people having more idea of what should have happened in a situation than the op who experienced the situation, unless you believe that all people are capable of making the best decision at all times, purely because they are there?!

In this case, if it's even a true story, I think the OP has spectacularly failed to protect her daughter and am not bothered about telling her what action I think she should take to help remedy this.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Mon 27-May-13 15:27:18

Cosy Although I do agree that the OP should have reacted differently and immediately, I'd like to think she's realised this and if she hasn't ,after not only the great advice offered by many but the bashing she's taken, from many more, she's a fool

Let me quote you

"unless you believe that all people are capable of making the best decision at all times"

Support and guidance is always better than patronising and belittling, IMHO and IME.

littlediamond33 Mon 27-May-13 15:31:44

Trust your instinct.

pictish Mon 27-May-13 15:40:14

Climb out of your own anus Cosy.

xylem8 Mon 27-May-13 16:03:47

patience please would you mind clarifying where the trampoline is ie front garden, back garden etc as I think this is very pertinent to the situation

Jan49 Mon 27-May-13 17:09:53

I think we can assume from the OP's comment that about the postman delivering post that the garden is either open or in the front as it's one where you can't lock people out. So the neighbour presumably just walks through the front gate or wanders into the open garden. The DD could also walk out and anyone could walk in with the excuse that they were delivering a leaflet or advertising, so personally I'd want to try to have the trampoline somewhere safer or be out there with her even if there wasn't this issue with the neighbour.

Veryunsure Mon 27-May-13 17:18:55

While it might be innocent, you said you felt there was something you couldn't put your finger on. I would trust my instincts over not wanting to make him feel awkward.

xylem8 Mon 27-May-13 18:39:10

Engaging a neighbours child in conversation- fine and normal. But coming into the garden and bouncing with her on the trampoline is beyond odd!
Maybe grooming your DD - maybe trying to get a look in through the windows.Who knows!

TokenGirl1 Mon 27-May-13 23:35:29

I think now is the time to talk to your dd about "stranger danger". I tell my 3 and 4 year olds " a stranger is someone who we don't go to their house and they don't come to ours". The essence of this is that it works both ways so that a window cleaner is still a stranger as he or she may come to our house but we don't go to his/hers.

I test my kids on this from time to time, saying "is Auntie B a stranger?" just to hammer it home. Why do I do this? Because my ds will chat to anyone and so the rule is now that we don't talk to strangers unless Mummy/Daddy is standing with you.

Even the 3 yo understands this concept.

Good luck OP. Trust your instincts...

If this isn't a wind up, then seriously this is bizarre behaviour. To talk to her is one thing, but to also get on the trampolineshock
I would not leave her unattended in the garden as your neighbour sounds to over friendly for my likinghmm

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