To be scared to go to work.

(61 Posts)
Sleepgrumpydopey Thu 23-May-13 21:22:05

Finish work late on Saturday and I have to walk to a multi storey car park in bham city centre. Aibu to be scared to walk to car alone as I'm Indian and EDL don't really know the difference and think everyone brown is a Muslim.

ByTheSea Thu 23-May-13 21:26:10

I hate the EDL and am so sorry you are feeling this way.

Fakebook Thu 23-May-13 21:27:05

That's sad. Could you get a male work colleague to walk you to your car?

Sleepgrumpydopey Thu 23-May-13 21:27:24

smile thank you

gordyslovesheep Thu 23-May-13 21:28:07

can you ask a co worker to walk with you? Can you avoid the multi story? Do they have security guards who could escort you?

I am sorry you feel this way xxxx

LEMisdisappointed Thu 23-May-13 21:29:28

Thats awful that you feel that way Sleepgrumpy - I too hate the EDL, in fact, apart from the obvious anger at those utter pigs who did that terrible thing yesterday for what they did, i also feel anger on behalf of he peace loving muslims who will now be fearing retaliation sad Why can't we all just live together in peace, it makes me so sad.

FWIW i don't think that at all, i never really think about peoples religeons.

libertyflip Thu 23-May-13 21:30:16

So sorry you feel this way, would it be worth you speaking to your employer to see if they can do anything to help?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Thu 23-May-13 21:31:27

I am so sorry you feel this way I agree with the others, could a co-worker walk with you?

Sleepgrumpydopey Thu 23-May-13 21:32:46

I think I'm just a worrier. Will try and make sure I go with co workers. If not will phone DH all the way to the car.
Thanks for the hand holding though.

Sticklebug Thu 23-May-13 21:33:27

Agree with asking a sturdy (not necessarily male) collegue to walk with. Horrid that you feel like this.

McNewPants2013 Thu 23-May-13 21:36:53

What is EDL.

Would a panic alarm be any use or have 999 on your phone ready just incase.

Hope you can get someone to walk with you.

sweetsummerlove Thu 23-May-13 21:42:04

have been told walking on the phone makes you more vulnerable, I guess because you can't be fully aware of your environment. so sorry you feel this way. You are not overreacting at all. x

MummyCoolski Thu 23-May-13 21:45:41

McNewPants2013 EDL is the English Defence League. Basically racist scumbags whose members are the kind to smash the local takeaway "in retaliation" after a terrorist attack.

SleepyGrumpyDopey you poor love. Please remember that people like that are a minority. Is there a March planned

MummyCoolski Thu 23-May-13 21:46:56

Oops! Is there a march planned for Saturday or is it a general worry?

qualitytoffee Thu 23-May-13 21:48:10

pet, ring work and tell them how you feel, and get someone to be with you xx
Could you get a taxi perhaps?
There'll be loads of police around, but that doesn't excuse your fear bless you xxx

ivanapoo Thu 23-May-13 21:48:41

I think your employer has a duty of care here... Any way you can park closer to work? Or get your husband to meet you with the car at your workplace?

ivanapoo Thu 23-May-13 21:49:12

PS I too am sorry you feel this way, it really angers me.

McNewPants2013 Thu 23-May-13 21:50:21

No wonder you are scared flowers

NicknameIncomplete Thu 23-May-13 21:50:40

Sleepy that is horrible, i hope u get home safely.

I would keep one hand on my phone & my keys in the other hand. Just incase.

Alicenotinwonderland Thu 23-May-13 21:53:02

So sad that you feel this way when you should feel safe. I did a self defence course and it was excellent. Walking on the phone makes you vulnerable and unable to react quickly. Carry your keys in your hand and (not that anything will happen) should you ever be in the position use your keys or your fingers in any soft spot.

Eyes, soft part of throat, just below the armpit and shout 'Fire' rather than help.

You will never I hope need to do this. thanks

Oldraver Thu 23-May-13 21:54:07

Isnt it PRIDE this weekend ? I think the city centre will be heaving... obviously dont say where you are but could you park in a different place maybe Arcadian ?

If you (or others) work late then your employer should have a risk assessment for late working written and take reasonable steps to mitigate any risks (I was the H&S officer and had to keep ours updated in a previous job). Could be worth talking to whoever is responsible for Health and Safety at your workplace (legally there has to be a named person IIRC).

Sunnywithshowers Thu 23-May-13 22:00:25

flowers I'm sorry some people are such fucking idiots.

Dawndonna Thu 23-May-13 22:08:06

So sorry that you have to experience this.

Sleepgrumpydopey Thu 23-May-13 22:19:20

Thanks everyone. I think I'll email work tommorow and see what arrangements there are. I don't think there's a march planned. oldraver thanks for mentioning pride, I'd forgotten all about that. Feel better knowing the city centre will mostly be full of happy people.

Alice some great tips there, thank you.

I shouldn't really be scared as that's what the terrorists want, people like me born here, British through and through feeling unsafe amongst other Brits.

Me and my kids all wear our poppies every year, we are Sikh but celebrate Christmas and Easter too. I hate the thought that when someone sees me they see an immigrant who hates England. This is my home.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 23-May-13 22:26:11

Yes HR should be understanding...not that you should be made to feel like this it's utterly shite that you do. sad

MrsSiba Thu 23-May-13 22:29:23

OP, so sorry you feel this way and I agree, ask someone to walk you to your car. I'm sure there will be plenty of people willling to help.

I am a Muslim married to a revert and we were discussing that we too are worried about reprisals from narrow minded idiots. Genuinely understand how you feel.

sooperdooper Thu 23-May-13 22:30:45

So sorry and sad that you feel scared like this, it's so unfair

It really is a minority of idiots and the vast majority of people are utterly against the EDL or any other racists, I'm so ashamed that people like this exist on our country

I hope your work can offer some support or someone can walk with you

Thinking of you x

ItsallisnowaFeegle Thu 23-May-13 22:42:06

Your post highlights the sad state this country finds itself in. I'm so sorry that you're scared sad

I agree with the escort to/ from your car and YY to using your phone making you more vulnerable. Keep it in your bag and just be extra vigilant.

flowers for you

AlbertoFrog Thu 23-May-13 22:43:05

I have nothing helpful to say but if I were a colleague I would accompany to your car then walk back to wherever I had to go. I wish you didn't have to worry but unfortunately the world we live in is crap.

Good luck and thanks to you.

MammaTJ Thu 23-May-13 22:58:14

Sleepgrumpydopey, I would see you and asume that either you parents or grandparents were gratefully welcomed to this country in times of labour shortage, at leat until you opened your mouth and maybe proved otherwise. And even then it would not mean you were a terrorist, it would mean you were new to this country and willing to join us!!

Quite frankly, those who are anti 'immigration' and think they are 'pure British' need to have a look at the history books and work out where their ancesters come from!! There are very few who really are pure bred British in these isles!!

TonysHardWorkDay Thu 23-May-13 23:47:44

I'm sorry you feel this way. My best friend had abuse shouted at him today. He has the same skin colour as the attackers so is clearly one of 'them.' It disgusts me. In the past I was once berated for 'betraying my country' when out with him. His grandparents were immigrants, I came here when I was 2. How does being white qualify me as more British?

Speak to your colleagues, I'm sure there will be plenty of people happy to ensure you get safely home.

The people who carried out the attack yesterday and the EDL/BNP lot are all the same and all disgust me equally. None of them will ever represent me or any decent person I know.

I enjoyed the thought for the day on R4 this morning, hatred can never be fought with hatred, only our humanity can defeat it.

Sleepgrumpydopey Fri 24-May-13 00:26:15

Thanks for all the messages. Your kindness has really touched me. thanks

namechangeofshame Fri 24-May-13 01:03:59

I have to say I picked dd up from preschool this morning rather than allow mil in her headscarf to do it as she normally does.

Sat worrying now about dh getting home safe.

It's shit.

sad How awful for you OP and others in this situation.

Keep safe.

Fanjango Fri 24-May-13 01:38:50

Can't believe it's coming to this! There is no excuse for racism and bigotry. I despise the EDL. I am white, British, pagan and proud but all I read on fb from some people that I thought should know better has saddened me. The actions of two sadly misguided men should not be the opening of the floodgates for the hatred that has been underlying in some people for years. Sadly some are now showing their true colours. Many "friends" are gone now for me. RIP soldier but let's hope his passing dies not lead to more violence. Look after yourselves to all who don't feel so safe now hmm

Thingymajigs Fri 24-May-13 06:04:12

This has made me cry a little. I can't believe that we live in a time where anyone feels scared to walk around in the UK. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. x
The EDL will get bored very quickly and go back to whatever other moronic activities they do normally I'm sure.

ClocksInALine Fri 24-May-13 06:14:30

It is absolutely awful the idiots who make people feel like this!

MummaBubba123 Fri 24-May-13 07:11:29

I really feel for you. Even if you think you're just a worrier, speak to your employer and ask whether there is an alternative parking spot for you as you're scared. Don't mention being a worrier. You're scared. It's enough.

potofpaint Fri 24-May-13 07:23:00

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Dilidali Fri 24-May-13 07:31:18

Sleepgrumpydopey, I am so sorry! It makes me sick to think it has got to this. Holding your hand, stay safe. Don't go to the car on your own and try and park as close to the door as possible. Have 999 ready to just press the button. Let us know how you got on.

gostraighttojail Fri 24-May-13 07:35:35

I used to feel like this. Sometimes to a lesser degree, sometimes to a greater degree. We moved to another part of Northern Europe and it is much much better. It wasn't the only reason we moved but it certainly played a major role. hmm

Zara1984 Fri 24-May-13 07:39:35

Potofpaint hmm

LEMisdisappointed Fri 24-May-13 07:41:27

Potofpaint - did you mean to be so rude such a cunt?

UseHerName Fri 24-May-13 07:53:44

it is shocking that you are beibg made to feel this way

even though i dont think you should have to modify your behaviour, i second what the others say about getting a co worker to walk with you

if there is any co parking is there anyway you could explain to your bosses how you feel?they might accomodate you with a co parkkng space?

wonkylegs Fri 24-May-13 08:03:50

I'm sorry you feel scared. I agree that this tragic incident has brought some nasty bigots out of the woodwork.
When I was younger I worked in a not so great bit of town and if I worked late I was always scared of my vulnerability walking back to the car at night. I used to get one of the security guards to walk with me. It wasn't far and he never minded. He always said that it was better to be safe than sorry. I got a lot of hassle on the job but that walk to the car with him was always fine.

potofpaint Fri 24-May-13 08:10:44

mature lems , im allowed to say i dont feel safe im my country , or is that not allowed now !

whosiwhatsit Fri 24-May-13 08:16:06

I'm so sorry you feel scared. My heart really goes out to people who now have to live in fear of reprisals just because of the colour of their skin. I wish I and a whole parade of mumsnetters could be there to stand by you and walk you to your car on Saturday night! But I do think your work will be happy to help. Please report back on what they say to your request?

magimedi Fri 24-May-13 08:24:22

So sorry you feel like this. flowers

LEMisdisappointed Fri 24-May-13 08:24:46

Not on this thread, no, its highly inappropriate, besides, the OP IS in her own country. Why would YOU be singled out?

Sleep I'm so sorry. That is shit that you feel that way.
Just what have we become??

potofpaint you do not speak for all white people. TBH I find your post quite disgusting and you sound like a fool.

Kneedeepindaisies Fri 24-May-13 08:36:15

PotofPaint No one has said you can't feel scared but using words like "white people" and "own country" makes you sound like some idiot from the EDL.

This is the OP's country and she has just as much right to be scared as you.

potofpaint Fri 24-May-13 08:54:13

did i say im speaking for all white people ? i said i dont feel safe . why shouldnt i say white ? the op said brown but thats ok , i dont think its right that black brown white pink or any other colour person that lives in their own country doesnt feel safe .
Kneedeepindaisies This is the OP's country and she has just as much right to be scared as both ways then doesnt it .

Kneedeepindaisies Fri 24-May-13 09:00:49

I said no one has said you can't feel scared. I think everyone is well within their rights to feel bloody terrified!

Zara1984 Fri 24-May-13 09:15:24

Potofpaint the fact is that racist idiots are targeting non-white people who "look Muslim" with verbal and physical violence at the moment in certain parts of the UK. This is is a very real issue for the OP and her safety.

White people are hardly being targeted and stereotyped in this country so stop being so ridiculous.

What happened to that poor soldier was a rare and extremely shocking tragedy, and incredibly disrespectful to the poor man's family. The media coverage is revolting and sensationalist, designed to whip up fear to increase ratings and sell papers and advertising. Please don't buy into it.

Zara1984 Fri 24-May-13 09:17:45

I meant the media coverage is incredibly disrespectful to the soldier's family. As the mother of a young DS I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be in his mum's shoes right now sad And what a frightening time for his colleagues at the barracks, too.

OP, I hope you've been able to get some help from your employer and colleagues?

potofpaint Fri 24-May-13 10:07:44

white people are targeted as well, i dont know what planet you live on , i dont feel safe where i live ,my skin colour is a minority ,i have every much a right as anyone living in this country to say i dont feel safe , you dont live where i do , you dont feel the tension in the community so you have absolutely no right to say im ridiculous .

Zara1984 Fri 24-May-13 10:23:48

My apologies potofpaint. Of course I don't know what it's like where you live. I'm sorry you feel scared in your community sad I hope there are community leaders or other representatives tackling the tension head-on where you are.

But your comments came across as quite flippant and aggro when the OP was simply looking for advice and help so she could be safe.

potofpaint Fri 24-May-13 10:57:59

thank you zara i wasnt being flippant or aggro i think its terrible anyone should feel scared in the community where they live ,you are right there are a lot of racist people my point was not all racists are white , i understand the op being scared and i feel for her and hope that she is safe ,and i would advise her to not walk alone at night .

Sleepgrumpydopey Fri 24-May-13 11:04:17

Potofpaint I understand your point. And I agree in some places there are people who are non white and racist. When my parents came here from India in the 50's they didn't segregate themselves they speak English have always worked paid taxes and brought me and my brother up to be good honest citizens. I am fully aware that not everyone's story is the same and there are immigrant families that haven't integrated and that is wrong.
My concerns were more that I might get targeted because of this awful attack. I wasn't really commenting on race relations in general .

LEMisdisappointed Fri 24-May-13 15:01:14

Sleepgrumpydopey - you are a true lady. I wish there were more people in the world like you. Your parents should be proud of you - as i am sure they are xx

It breaks my heart that there is so much anger and hate in the world, not just here, but in other countries too - I cannot imagine what it must be like to live in syria just now for instance. These sort of massacres are happening daily - its so so sad.

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