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to be pissed off they aren't happy for us

(48 Posts)
littlebitglum Thu 23-May-13 16:59:31

me and dp have got engaged grin. nothing with frills, just asked at home and both really happy . we are not big event people and don't really do grand gestures. updated fb profile (I knowgrin ) lots of people saying oh are you serious ect now grandparents the same oh you haven't done it properly. we have had a horrible year with close family bereavment and hospital treatment he has been a rock and this is the next step for us but everyone seems so bloody miserable about it because there's no grand gesture or new ring ( family passed down)

RawCoconutMacaroon Thu 23-May-13 17:05:26

Congratulation! As long as you are both happy, don't let the response of others spoil it!

<but no, you are not bu to be a bit peeved!>

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 23-May-13 17:06:28

Congratulations! Passed down ring is gorgeous, remember its not old it's "vintage".

littlebitglum Thu 23-May-13 17:17:44

grin we are. we are the pretty simple no frills type it suits us to just do without some big announcement. definatly will be vintage one day was my mums then will pass down as and when. just abit gutted that people think we are arsing about just because we haven't made a big thing out of it

AgathaF Thu 23-May-13 17:38:50

Congratulations. Your engagement, your way. They have all done theirs the way they wanted, your turn now.

Lovely to have a ring with sentimental value. You can't put a price on that.

QOD Thu 23-May-13 17:53:16

Raspppppt to them


MonstrousPippin Thu 23-May-13 17:55:05

YANBU. My DP proposed over a cup of tea in bed on a Sunday morning and didn't have a ring. I thought it was perfect.

MonstrousPippin Thu 23-May-13 17:55:40

And congratulations!

Boosiehs Thu 23-May-13 17:56:55


Tailtwister Thu 23-May-13 18:00:22

Well, I think wearing a family ring is a lovely. Congratulations!

diddl Thu 23-May-13 18:02:47


We decided-went to choose a ring, had to wait for it to be resized, told everyone when we had the ring!

No party for us!

ILs were shock at the ring-she didn't have one.

So while my parents were really pleased, his were-why? what have you done that for?grin

How does one get engaged "properly"??

JedwardScissorhands Thu 23-May-13 18:03:21

I think it's lovely. Congratulations! Most of the grand gesture proposals I know of either didn't make it to an actual wedding, or are divorced.

We just did the small thing too. New ring, though.

Whocansay Thu 23-May-13 18:04:36


My wedding ring was my much-loved grandmother's. I think it's much more special for it. You do what feels right for you.

What the hell do your grandparents mean by doing it 'properly'? Weird.

Wylye Thu 23-May-13 18:08:33

Yay for you both! thanks
You may as well start stopping caring what they say know tho (iyswim) as if they're like this over the engagement imagine what they'll say about your wedding! grin

Alicenotinwonderland Thu 23-May-13 18:10:11

Congratulations!! It's about you and your husband to be, ignore the others and their opinions. So long as you are both happy nothing else really matters! wine

rumbelina Thu 23-May-13 18:12:25

Congratulations! We decided in a tent in the rain and it was perfect. Dh was berated by colleagues for not doing a grand proposal. I'd have hated that.

It's one of those things where you can be judged for not doing it 'properly' but each to their own what matters is the who not the how.

AgathaF Thu 23-May-13 18:12:57

As Wylye said, be prepared to dig your heels in over their plans for your wedding.

buswanker Thu 23-May-13 18:15:51

My engagement ring was my grandmothers. I would not swap it for the most expensive ring in the world.

Getting engaged at home is lovely.

You said you are simple no frills so why would anyone want you to have a big fuss?! People are bizarre.

Congratulations! I love the family heirloom for an engagement ring.

DH proposed by asking me first thing in the morning when I was just coming to. He said he figured he had a better success rate if I was still half asleep. grin

littlebitglum Thu 23-May-13 18:20:37

aw you guys are lovely. I think you are spot on with the wedding grin. maybe we will run off somewhere and tell Noone haha

CAF275 Thu 23-May-13 18:26:29

Agree with most other posters. If you both like the ring then sod everyone else - YOU'RE the one going to be wearing it FFS.

Personally I hate big engagement do's. Especially the ones where gifts are requested expected. I've lost count of the ones where the "happy couple" didn't make it to the aisle or, when asked when the big day is say something like "oh not for a few years yet, nothing arranged etc..." confused

Many many congratulations - just do, or don't do, whatever you and DP want and are happy with.

Bunnylion Thu 23-May-13 18:29:01

My DH proposed on the sofa while we were having a cuppa one evening after work - with his mums engagement ring. Years on we are even more in love and very happy.

I'm always dubious of couples who need some public, top of the Eiffel Tower, 45 minute firework display, extravaganza. If the only motivation for getting married is because you are deeply in love and want to spend the rest of your life together, why would you need a big public production?

Bunnylion Thu 23-May-13 18:29:56

PS - congratulations! smile

Nelly000 Thu 23-May-13 18:30:38

Are your family annoyed because it's 'no frills' or are they annoyed because they found out at the same time as friends/acquaintances on Facebook rather than before?

If it's the former, YANBU. What's a 'with frills' engagement supposed to look like? confused

If it's the latter, I understand where they're coming from.

Nelly000 Thu 23-May-13 18:30:50

Oh, and congrats!

Alicenotinwonderland Thu 23-May-13 18:32:55

When we got married we decided to have photographs taken prior to the ceremony as we wanted to capture those first moments of seeing each other in private. Amazing photos by the way! When folk found out you'd think we had done something awful!

Bollocks to them, carry on as you like!

littlebitglum Thu 23-May-13 18:43:09

suppose its a bit of both for some nelly. dp is really private doesnt tell anyone anything so didnt tell his family, not sure what a frills engagement would be fancy meals and embarrassing me somewhere In public which I would hate grin.

ipswitch Thu 23-May-13 18:44:42


My DH asked me in bed, ( yes.... after fantastic rudey pokes) and we have been happily married for 20years. No ring either. Just anounced we were getting married and told everyone the date after booking registry office. My parents when we told then cracked open champers while my ILS got out the argos catalogue and showed me all the
" lovely " rings in there!

I have since inherited my darling Grandmas engagement ring and love it all the more than any I could of been given or choosen. And so much nicer than any in the argos catologue! So it was worth the wait.

Dont be glum. Its all about what you want and shocking the oldies now and again is quite fun.

littlebitglum Thu 23-May-13 18:48:01

grin Ipswich , did you tell the oldies you had just had the best and filthiest sex ever and realised you couldn't possibly live without each other..cause that would of been genius grin.

Lifeisontheup Thu 23-May-13 18:52:31

Well I have my DH's Granny's engagement ring and my Granny's wedding ring, no engagement party or big announcement and I've been married 23 years this year so something must be right with my secondhand jewels.

Congratulations little , I wish you all the happiness I have been blessed with.

kinkyfuckery Thu 23-May-13 18:55:24

Sorry you've not had the response you should have, but YAAAAY huge congratulations on your engagement!! grin

ipswitch Thu 23-May-13 19:11:31

Ah Yes little, Always makes me smile when anyone asks me when we got engaged!

Sometimes I tell people the truth, sometimes I dont. Depends on my mood. But I do like shocking the oldies. Like this alot and think it does them good and keeps them ( and me) young!

AgathaF Thu 23-May-13 20:05:05

The wedding. On a beach somewhere maybe, or a little registry office with a couple of witnesses? Tell them when the deed is done.

We invited the grand total of two people to our wedding (many years ago). I still don't think most have forgiven us. They quite like to pretend we are not really married, I think, which amuses me somewhat. My SIL asked if we would like a double wedding when they got married a few years ago, so that we would be "properly married" grin.

IfIonlyhadsomesleep Thu 23-May-13 20:06:18

A proposal is special enough not to need bells and whistles. Save the party for some other occasion that needs jazzing up. That's why I will be celebrating my fortieth mightily over several months days grin. Congratulations!

GibberTheMonkey Thu 23-May-13 20:06:29

It all sounds lovely to me

My dh proposed while sitting in an armchair with feet up drinking a beer. I think his exact words were 'go on then, marry me' I actually think he was he joking but I called his bluff.
It's our 11th anniversary on Saturday

thegreylady Thu 23-May-13 20:08:45

flowers and many Congratulations- a family ring is the best sort smile

LouiseD29 Thu 23-May-13 20:12:01

Congratulations! Sounds like you got engaged in the way that was just perfect for you - and that's what matters.

I have a hand-me-down ring as well (and it's not even a precious stone - shocker!)

CheshireDing Thu 23-May-13 20:14:35

Aww Congratulations, Sod the misery guts.

I would have DIED of embarrassment if DH had done some fancy public/in front of friends and family proposal. I remember someone proposed to their girlfriend at my Uncles wedding, talk about stealing Uncles thunder on his big day ! grin

DH proposed to me when we lived abroad so near nobody to celebrate with (which suited us fine) and he had to take the evening of work as he had got so nervous he got bad guts and a poopy bum grin

HairTodayShornTomorrow Thu 23-May-13 23:22:28

You are both happy with getting engaged. That's lovely, and congratulations to you both! You don't need 'a grand gesture' just to keep other people happy. I hope your family members will come round to your way of thinking. If not - well, that's their loss, not yours.

I'm sorry about your bereavement and hospital treatment, but it's great that you have good news now.

All the best to you and your fiance! x

mardyelsie Thu 23-May-13 23:49:45

My DH proposed in a card last Christmas. I had a family necklace converted into an engagement ring, and then had my Granny's wedding ring resized to fit me. We got married in a register office, there were 10 people in total (we have three kids) then went for pizza. It was the most perfect day.

Do what you want, if people aren't happy because you're not doing things their way they're not worth worrying about. Congratulations!

CheerfulYank Thu 23-May-13 23:57:46

Congrats, sounds lovely!

DH and I wandered around an outdoor
art garden type thing for awhile, freezing in the snow, and then he knelt down and asked me. It was very sweet and private...and some people were irritated it wasn't a bigger, more public thing. I'd have hated that!

It isn't about anyone but you. smile

LittleMissLucy Fri 24-May-13 01:16:50

Congratulations. I think sometimes engagements bring out the worst in people. My dad was great but my mum was miserable. And she skipped out of the wedding meal that was completely designed around her dietary needs! ARRGGGHH.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 24-May-13 01:39:25

Remember this OP as your mantra from now on "Fuck 'em!"

You don't need to say it, just keep it in your mind.

Because this mind set will rear its ugly head over and over again.

Practice stock phrases, "that's what we've decided", "that was lovely for you but we want to do it like this", "that style is great for some people but it wouldn't suit us" etc.

Or of course you could just say Fuck Off And Mind your own Business.
But you sound far too nice to do that grin

Congratulations, and lots of luck thanks

Congratulations. flowers
I think its really nice to have a grandmothers/great grandmothers etc ring passed down (not an option for me I'm afraid - too many cousins!) . . . also if it's alright for prince William with Kate having Diana's ring . . .

Fairylea Fri 24-May-13 06:10:22


Don't let anyone spoil it.

Kate Middleton's engagement ring is second hand! smile tell them to sod off.

cory Fri 24-May-13 08:09:38

Congratulations flowers

Cinnamom Fri 24-May-13 08:13:24

Congratulations flowers

My inlaws put the phone down on DH when he phoned to tell them we were engaged grin that was 20 years ago now smile

littlebitglum Fri 24-May-13 08:19:53

how rudegrin I hope they made up in the end. glad for all the positive comments and reactions to our simple ways grin.

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