(70 Posts)
C999875 Thu 23-May-13 16:32:47

I gave birth by c/section, am I being unreasonable to feel resentment when women who had N.V.D's say "You cheated, or you had the easy way out". or are they right are N.V.D's worse that c/sections. Have any of you had both? which did you find easier.
Thank you in advance for any replies xx

I had 2 c-sections, no one ever said I cheated. They seemed very sympathetic I hadn't had a natural birth.
Tell them to sod off, they had a faster recovery, you had major abdominal surgery.
It's not a competition.

blueberryupsidedown Thu 23-May-13 16:36:59

Had 2 c sec and nobody ever said that I cheated. Who said that to you? Really? To your face or did you read about it here or on other sites?

There is no easy way out, literally. Both c sections and vb have risks, and there are many cases when either will go well (in my case, 2 em c sec and no problems) and vbs that can go well or not well at all. No easy way out.

Domaby Thu 23-May-13 16:37:01

I've had both. Sorry, the caesarean was much less painful and I recovered more quickly. Mind you, my second baby, who was born naturally, was over 9lbs which might account for that!

TattyDevine Thu 23-May-13 16:37:06

That's silly, a lot of women who had a C-section laboured for hours and hours, then got cut.

Ok so perhaps they didn't end up with tears or have to do the crowning and birth bit, but its hardly the easy way out.

That said my elective section seemed very easy. I had placenta praevia but it went without a hitch and was a very pleasant experience...

I've never been told it was the easy way out though, perhaps you need new friends?

Domaby Thu 23-May-13 16:37:49

Also a c section is definitely not cheating. All that matters is that the mother and baby are ok.

wonderingifiam2013 Thu 23-May-13 16:38:11

YANBU at all.

I had an EMCS which was pure and utter hell - after nearly 40 hours of labour.

Neither is the 'easy' option, but I do feel envious of those who pop in for their 2/3 hour labours on gas and air ... but saying that, we all come home with the same prize smile

Ignore anyone stupid enough to say you cheated and be safe in the knowledge the section probably saved both you and your childs life.

Patchouli Thu 23-May-13 16:39:03

Odd thing to say.
I guess they had pretty bad experiences then.

aloysiusflyte Thu 23-May-13 16:41:25

Yanbu, I had an elcs due to a breech baby and by no means is it the easy way out, it's major surgery!
You'll always meet people who want to comment on or judge your situation, worst one I had at a toddler group was a lady asking me whether I felt I'd failed cos I'd had a c section! shock
I always say as long as the baby came out safely, doesn't matter how it got here smile

themaltesecat Thu 23-May-13 16:41:46

The c-section saved my daughter's life. They said she wouldn't have made it another twenty minutes. I was fortunate to be in a great hospital when it all went quickly and unexpectedly wrong, and I still count my blessings that I wasn't quite seduced by all that fluffy miracle-of-home-birth shit.

I know what you mean though- I've had that shit, too.

ballinacup Thu 23-May-13 16:42:11

I didn't find my EMCS to be particularly easy, particularly as it followed 26 hours of labour so I was physically and emotionally exhausted by the time they got DS out through the sunroof.

Then there was the six weeks of injections and painkillers and infected stitches...

The only positive was that DS had a lovely, non-squished head.

Loulybelle Thu 23-May-13 16:51:17

I had 11 hours of labour followed by EMCS, for the first 4 weeks i couldnt even sleep in my own bed, it was awful, no way an easy way out, i still have lasting effects nearly 6 years later.

Fuckwittery Thu 23-May-13 16:54:47

I found both my emcs bloody awful to recover from, first one after a 3 day labour, and second one after I got stuck at 9cm for several hours. Not an easy option! I'm not sure what is easy about major abdominal surgery. but I'd never compare to those with vaginal births as I'm well aware they are not walks in the park either. M And if I do decide to go for an elcs this time round anyone with an opinion on easy option etc will get short shrift!

IloveJudgeJudy Thu 23-May-13 16:55:25

Poor you. They sound horrid. I've had three CS - two emergency, last one planned. They were three completely different experiences. SIL has had 5 VBs, one within a few minutes. We've never said that to each other. Each experience is different. Take no notice.

thebody Thu 23-May-13 16:58:08

I had 4 vaginal deliveries.

A c sec is major surgery not an easy way out.

Its stupid and anyway birth isn't a competition is it?

It is what it is and there are no medals for suffering.

cory Thu 23-May-13 17:32:27

I've had both, doesn't mean I can pronounce on anybody else's experience. As it so happens, the physical damage was greater with the vaginal in my case, as I both tore and had to have an episiotomy, then infected stitches, took nearly a year before I was comfortable again. It's hardly a matter of pride: recovering more quickly from my caesarian meant I could do more for dc.

And my friend who also had a vaginal pushed her son out at home and was going round visiting two days later. Now you could say she cheated...

LegoAcupuncture Thu 23-May-13 17:54:39

Yanbu. I've had three sections, never had a natural birth.

I've only ever had one person tell me that I was too posh to push, unlike her. I replied immaturely that at least I didn't have a chuff like a wizards sleeve.

Tr ignore the comments, they only come from those who have never had a section before and have no real understanding how major of a surgery it is.

JedwardScissorhands Thu 23-May-13 18:00:39

Have people really said that? I've not had any comments, just general chat about different experiences. Is that not all this actually was? It's a bit like the BF /FF thing; I don't know anyone in real life who has had a negative comment or sideways glance for doing either. The real world is much less polarised.

Booboostoo Thu 23-May-13 18:04:44

Some people are just so conflicted about their feelings on birth (the births of their own children but more often those of other people's children).

On the one hand no one wants, admires or wishes on others a horrific birth experience. On the other hand if it's 'too easy' it's perceived as a cop out.

I had a very pleasant ELCS with very manageable pain afterwards and an unproblematic recovery - I see no reason to apologise for that, I am just grateful I was lucky!

ivykaty44 Thu 23-May-13 18:06:51

I had a vbac and it was overall an easer recovery, c section are not a walk in the park by any means it is major surgery

RubyrooUK Thu 23-May-13 18:08:59

Nobody has ever commented to me on my c-section being "cheating". I got a baby at the end of it!

But I have had a vaginal birth - three day labour, complications, awfully painful epidural and cannula, resulting in emergency forceps delivery and bad tearing. Despite this, had a relatively uncomplicated recovery and was able to do most things immediately.

My second birth was an elective c-section due to the previous complications suffered in first labour. Very calm and medical. Terribly painful recovery, very slow with much longer to get back to anything like normal.

So my view would be that vaginal birth was much more painful and hard work but recovery was much, much easier than the section. I would choose a natural birth (without bad tearing) every time if I could do so.

jellybelly18 Thu 23-May-13 18:18:46

I had an EMCS and my mother said to my mil 'she's done it the easy way.' One on either side of the bed so said over my head like I wasn't there. Thanks a lot for that!

Only have one DC so can't comment on VB but YANBU!

I've had 1 vaginal birth with a 36 hour labour / tears etc and 2 c sections and I'd take the vaginal birth any day, In my experience the pain and immobility after a c section are much worse and distressing than a vaginal birth.
Saying that I've heard of people having 3rd degree tears etc and I'd rather have a c section than that .

I've had 2 C-sections. The first one was a crash section and it saved my child.
A healthy baby is what matters, not what hole it came out of.

MummyAbroad Thu 23-May-13 18:35:32

YANBU its a stupid thing for people to say.

I had a VB and a C/Section.

I think what they are refering to is the emotional/psychological FEAR that many women facing a VB have, because in a VB you have to actively DO something whereas with a C/section its the doctors hands not yours. So you "cheat" by not having to face (that particular) fear.

I think in terms of physical difficulty, C section recovery is much harder!

By the way, congratulations on your baby!

Tailtwister Thu 23-May-13 18:40:27

Yes, of course major abdominal surgery is the 'easy way out'. Anyone who says that is a twat. Ignore and enjoy your baby!

Nineathena Thu 23-May-13 18:44:31

They must be effing kidding.

A c-sec is major abdominal surgery. It took me weeks to recover. I was sore for months.

No. It's not the 'easy way out'. I don't think there IS an easy way out.

mootime Thu 23-May-13 18:58:56

This "birth is a competition" crap annoys the hell out of me.
I've had three deliveries, one natural home birth and two elective c-sections. Sadly during the first my son was starved of oxygen and died a week after he was born. So in your friends eyes I cheated to make sure the other two arrived alive and well.
People forget that the whole point is to get a healthy happy baby at the end. Who gives a crap how that happens.
A generation ago there were a lot more stories like mine. Thank goodness for medical advances.

BonaDea Thu 23-May-13 19:00:33

Regardless of what is 'easier' the reality is I wanted to give birth o my pfb and wasn't able to. I suspect it probably is 'easier' for many but that doesn't mean anyone else has the right to comment.

noblegiraffe Thu 23-May-13 19:04:14

Instead of feeling resentment just say 'gosh, I know, posh people pay a fortune to get what I had for free, bloody marvellous grin'

idiuntno57 Thu 23-May-13 19:06:01

FFS Why are women so 'orrible to each other.

Giving birth in any fashion is difficult and has an impact on the woman. I had 'perfect' waterbirths with my DS 3 & 4, short and really enjoyable labours. Afterwards chronic PND which lasted 4 yrs in total.

I am not sure why we can't help each other celebrate the good parts and work through the more traumatic elements of childbirth but it seems we cant. I often think that if men were the bearers of children they might be a lot better at supporting each other. and use TONS of pain relief

Chocoflump Thu 23-May-13 19:11:02

I had a 38 hour labour...then needed an emergency C section, under general anaesthetic. Baby was incredibly sick, in an incubator in neo natal baby unit. I was so ill I couldn't see my baby for the first 2 days and needed 2 blood transfusions, then couldn't move for about 2 weeks afterwards.

What's easy about that?? hmm

MyDarlingClementine Thu 23-May-13 19:14:01

Yes there is a lot of resentment out there I have had both.

I was v scared during both, the difference was in labour I was scared for 7 hours solid, in un imaginable pain, never knowing when or how it would end.

With the section I was scared for about 15 minuets until they started and I knew it would all be over soon.

With the section the recovery was more intense, debilitating and harder, BUT I felt more recovered from it - when it happened than after first birth, never felt right for 5 years.

People who are not interested in a subject and do not research it - will I am afraid trot out the usual ignorant statements, about NHS resources, no need for sections, too posh to push....

The tide is turning though, I try and be as vocal as I can be about it being the right choice for me.

Joiningthegang Thu 23-May-13 19:15:03

I had 3 elected c sections - never had a contraction or internal exam due to childbirth - no-one ever commented and I really couldn't care less what anyone thinks about how my babies came into the world !
You are only unreasonable to care about others opinions

ratspeaker Thu 23-May-13 19:15:43

YANBU at all

I had someone say similar to me 20 odd years ago. I haven't spoken to her since.
I do not value the opinion of some one who makes a competition out of something you have no control over.

Childbirth is a major, life changing, emotional and physical event no matter how you give birth.

for the record
EMC after labour, baby distressed in SCBU a week.
Vaginal birth, forceps, stitches
EMC after labour, distressed baby fine as soon as delivered, me transfusions etc etc
Elective section, baby still ended up in SCBU

all hurt

Joiningthegang Thu 23-May-13 19:17:42

I don't know but just maybe they are joking and teasing - just laugh and tell them you are far too push to push - or that you didn't want your baby squashed - or just smile.

chunkymonkeybaby Thu 23-May-13 20:08:25

I had my ELCS due to psychological reasons, I chose to have the section. It wasn't easy but it wasn't horrendous either and I had a very good recovery. I don't know what VB is like so can't compare the two.

Most women do not choose to have a caesarean, and even if they do it is a valid choice. It is no-one else's business how a woman give birth, no-one should be commenting on it. Some women should be more supportive of others. No-one would think to comment on any other type of emergency [on non emergency actually too!) operation a person may have, it seems to me that it's always women who are fair game to be criticised, particularly when it comes to having babies.

All that matters is that mums and babies are happy and healthy.

chunkymonkeybaby Thu 23-May-13 20:15:38

You know what as well, even if a c-section WAS the easy way out (I'm not saying it is, I don't think there is an easy easy way out when it comes to having a baby) and it was a choice available to everyone, what would be wrong with them taking it? I can't think of any other medical procedure where a person is criticised for making things easier by, for example, taking advantage of pain relief or anaesthesia.

TooManyDicksOnTheDancefloor Thu 23-May-13 20:16:10

I've had both. First birth, natural, episiotomy that healed well. I was back on my feet straight away. Second birth, crash section after 20 hours labour. It's a lot harder to get out of bed and lift your baby after a section, I was also anaemic due to blood loss in theatre and felt like crap for a good week. I wasn't back to normal until three weeks later. I know which I'd choose if I did it again.

doublecakeplease Thu 23-May-13 20:16:27

My mum said this to me. Actually she says it a lot - i was shopping with her last week - bumped into her friend whose grandson had just bbeen born by section. My mum said - ooh, double had one - i wish we'd been offered the easy option too...

I reminded her that she'd never had emergency (or any other) abdominal surgery. I hated having a section and felt very out of control with it. As soon as i was mobile i was dragging myself and my catheter down to nicu where i sat on the lowest chairs imaginable all day for days - missing the painkillers being dished out and so in lots of pain because i was slightly crazed reluctant to leave poorly DS.

I was an idiot for not taking pain meds - certainly made recovery tough. I would never comment on someone elses birth though and my mum makes me very stabby when she says it!

CabbageLeaves Thu 23-May-13 20:21:01

Competitive birthing is vile

Wtf do some people think suffering is something to be admired, endured, proud of, a rite of passage, important or a competition.

I had two vag births and one planned c/s. The home birth and planned c/s were lovely. The horrendous POP birth would probably match a emergency section in terms of trauma. No one gave me a choice and had they.... I'd have opted for the easy one and poked anyone in the eye for judging me on that smile

SherbertStraws Thu 23-May-13 20:24:14

Does it matter which is harder? I had no idea it was a competition over who suffers the most. Absolutely barking

Sorry to hear that you've had to put up with comments like that, OP.

I've only had one DS - by C/S, as he was breech - so can't compare, obviously. The only person who's ever said anything to me about the manner in which he was delivered is my DH, who, even now (nearly seven years later), says that I didn't give birth properly. Oh, how I laugh whenever he says that hmm

Spice17 Thu 23-May-13 20:41:59

I had an EMCS with DD, meconium in waters, 12 days over, induced, laboured for 16 hours, head turned to side and not budging so they decided to whip her out (well, I say whip...)

I definitely don't think it was the easy way out, makes the early days harder. I was lucky as I had minimal pain, was up and out of bed about 6 hours after BUT, I have a scar with a lovely overhanging pouch - and that annoys me more that any stupid comments sad

If I have another DC, would have an ELCS if I could and I HATE needles.

DC 1 was elective CS, due to developing pre-eclampsia, plus DD was breech. I was told blood pressure was far too high to induce for a VB.

DC 2 was VBAC, and bloody quick. I did have stitches. Not for a tear, but because he scratched me internally on the way out as his hand was up by his head.

I would take a VB over a CS any day. It certainly was NOT the easy option.

Kasterborous Thu 23-May-13 21:09:07

I had a ELCS as my DD was breech. I must admit in some way I was relived not to have to go through labour. But it didn't stop me feeling I had taken the 'easy' way out. I later felt guilty that I hadn't had a 'natural' birth. No one ever said anything to me but I always seemed to find myself justifying myself to people. But at the end of the day it was taken out of my hands really, I didn't choose a section it was just the safest way for my daughter to be born safely. And I now look on it as the first sacrifice I made for her.

MoominsYonisAreScary Thu 23-May-13 21:15:20

I've had 3 vb an emcs and an elcs, the sections were worse even though my first vb was to an 11lb 2 oz giant!

The last time someone commented on the sections I told them in detail how lovely it was when the spinal started to wear off before the baby was even out and All I could have was gas and air.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 23-May-13 21:15:40

I would consider c section to be the very fucking hard way to have a baby. I would have been terrified and devastated to go through a major operation whilst awake. Thank God I have a stretchy fanny grin

parakeet Thu 23-May-13 21:47:03

I had two elective C-sections (out of choice, to avoid damage to pelvic floor) and I do feel it was taking the easy way out - compared with all the hideous birth stories you hear.

If anyone told me it was cheating, though, I'd laugh in their face. Cheating implies we are in some sort of competition, or that we are all have to bear the same level of pain. Screw that.

MoodyDidIt Thu 23-May-13 21:48:33

yeah pisses me off

one friend laughingly called me a wuss for having cs's :/

picnicbasketcase Thu 23-May-13 21:52:09

It comes under the same thing as people who make stupid judgy comments about bf/ff - it's nobody else's business how you feed your baby just like how it's none of their concern which way the baby came out of your body. A simple 'Oh, piss off' would work wonders.

Euphemia Thu 23-May-13 21:53:59

Some fucking eejit once said "Too posh to push?" to me, to which I replied "No, life-threatening pre-eclampsia." That put the fucker's gas at a peep!

McNewPants2013 Thu 23-May-13 21:56:54

I had a very easy 5 hour from start to finish birth and within an hour I had showered and feeling on top of the world.

With a c-section many women are bed bound for hours and hours in a bit of pain. ( based on what my sisters have said) and recovery is slow.

I believe that c-section are not the easy option, it's major surgery.

MikeOxard Thu 23-May-13 22:03:19

I've had both. And I've never heard anyone say c/sec is the easier way out.

The Vaginal delivery was awful, 22 hours labour, and baby got stuck so I had to have forceps and they gave me an episiotomy without ANY pain relief even though I was asking for it.

Second baby was 50% bigger, so I was very scared. 12 hours labour and once I got to pushing stage they suddenly announced baby was too big and I was rushed for an EMCS. I was relieved because I was so scared and really didn't have the energy or ability to push baby out. It was unpleasant, obviously, but not as bad as the vaginal delivery. But the recovery was much, much worse. I had terrible afterpains, real pain and difficulty moving, picking up, carrying and looking after baby. It took ages to heal.

If I had to have another baby, I would probably prefer to have a vaginal delivery, but there really isn't much in it, and there certainly isn't an easy way out!

C999875 Sat 25-May-13 13:07:40

Thank you for all your replies. The reason I asked was because a few weeks ago I was at a party and the conversation turned to child birth of all things.
The were all talking about how they had no pain relief and needed stiches ect. When I said I gave birth by c/section someone said "Oh we have a cheat in the room. I wouldn't mind but it wasn;'t that I'm too posh to push, I had severe high blood pressure and pre eclampsia.
I really wish people would think before they speak. xx

Smartiepants79 Sat 25-May-13 13:11:59

Never heard anyone say this but what aloud of bollocks.
C-section is a major surgery, how is that easier.
Both mine were NVD by the way and I felt very sorry for the lady with the section in the bed next to me.

Wheresthepopcornagain Sat 25-May-13 13:19:40

I think it's easy to think what you haven't been through is better. ots of women I know have been through births that were difficult - c-section or not. tell them that giving birth is not a competition and that they should think more before making mass generalizations.

noblegiraffe Sat 25-May-13 13:38:11

Didn't your jaw just drop in amazement at how rude she was? I think I'd have been speechless.

rainrainandmorerain Sat 25-May-13 15:41:22

Attitudes towards caesarians in general are a ridiculous mish mash of cultural values, religious inheritance, sexual politics and whatever the feck else.

On the one hand, women will be warned that C section is horrific - months of recovery and pain, unable to hold baby for hours after birth (never understood that one, having had 2 Csections meself), the constant refrain of 'it's major surgery, you know...'

On the other hand, the snide comments and sometimes overt judgement for having taken 'the easy way out'. Not having gone through the ordeal of vaginal birth.

I think a lot of it arises from not distinguisnhing between emcs and planned cs. But still, you can't have it both ways. I do find it interesting that if I let on that my CS's were planned and that was how I wanted it (and I tend to keep quiet about it IRL), I get quite a few women asking me privately how I 'got' mine. Personally I think my CS's were an easy option - very little pain, very fast recovery, minimal scarring, very short hospital stay - compared to some vbs. I'm very glad I had an easy time of it. I was able to be very positive about the whole experience and quick recovery meant I was in a good place to take care of my babies and generally get on with life. I wish that every new mum could say that about their birth experiences, whatever they were and whatever their choices/ideals were.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sat 25-May-13 16:09:03

I've had both and vaginal deliveries were easier in my case. The 2 posh to push thing had come en vogue when I had my section and I got an earful of that but I just used to retort that it was an emergency section used to save my baby's life that was usually enough to shut people up even if it was only a slight exaggeration since it was for failure to progress.

LaGuardia Sat 25-May-13 16:12:07

Tell them to look forward to when their wombs prolapse from all that pushing. Total heroines, the lot of them.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sat 25-May-13 16:14:31

La guardia that is not very nice

HollyBerryBush Sat 25-May-13 16:18:22

DS1 natural labour and emergency CS

DS2 & 3 elective CS

Give a me a CS, preferably elective, every time. You know where you are with that.

Pinkflipflop Sat 25-May-13 16:20:08

Who said this to you? I would be telling anyone who was so rude to me where to go!

Someone said to me that "I was too posh to push" after my csection, I told them that even if they'd had major surgery and had a newborn to look after their opinion still didn't matter!angry

None of my friends would say this though!

1944girl Sat 25-May-13 17:42:08

Totally agree with you Pinkflipflop.

I have given birth twice, both times by EMCS.both could be called crash sections.
I now have two live sons.

If anyone told me I was too posh to push I would push that person as hard as my 4ft 11ins frame will allow me too.

We now have a new syndrome it seems.It is called birth envy.

fuzzpig Sat 25-May-13 17:49:44

It's a horrible thing for people to say so I'm really sorry if you have had such ignorant comments.

I had VBs (although only narrowly missed a CS with DD due to pushing for so long).

It is horrible, the pressure that women can feel to 'do it properly' - colleague of mine still feels sad and guilty that both her babies - now in their twenties! - were CS.

1944girl Sat 25-May-13 17:55:50

fuzpigBoth of my two are in their early forties now.I have never felt sad or guilty.
Tell your colleague not to feel sad or guilty there is no need for her to be.

fuzzpig Sat 25-May-13 18:20:44

Of course I said that smile a friendly comment is not going to undo years of feeling like that though. In a similar vein I am 26 and my mum still feels guilty about not being able to breastfeed me (she tried but lack of support/slow supply etc...). Motherhood is just a big guiltfest sometimes.

thezebrawearspurple Sat 25-May-13 19:08:37

I don't know anybody stupid enough to say something so offensive and ignorant about a medical procedure, if I met one they'd get a lecture on medical necessity before I go into bragging mode about how my amazing surgeon left only a tiny barely there silver line that only I can see because I know where exactly to look and my bits remain nice and tight. Then ask what her husband thinks of her loose vagina, it must be in a fairly bad way if she needs to put you down to feel better about herself.

The best way of dealing with obnoxious idiots like that is to out ego, out bitch and out arrogant them, they're like bloodhounds in smelling passive people who won't put them in their place.

QueenofWhispers Sat 25-May-13 20:29:19

yes, one ugly ass m-fing b*tch did call me 'too posh to push' ... she laughed at me and had a good time mocking what she thought my experience was.

(sorry if I sound violent)

I had pre-eclampsia and was in a 'hypertensive crisis' when I had my DS.

funnily enough, she runs a 'domestic abuse women's help service' or something like that. i hope she either 1. never has children (because she is a bully) or 2. has pre-eclampsia too.

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