to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

(466 Posts)
LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 22:45:46

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

MortifiedAdams Wed 22-May-13 22:46:53

Where will your youngest be?

Couldnt you do it on a weekend day your dh gets off and he can have the youngest?

scaevola Wed 22-May-13 22:48:20


It's half term next week. Plenty of weekdays available then.

VinegarDrinker Wed 22-May-13 22:48:22

Does he not have any days off in half term?

AlanMoore Wed 22-May-13 22:48:31

I think that's ok, as a one off. My dd got sent home from nursery the other week for a mysterious temperature but she was fine and we had a lovely day! Enjoy yourselves smile

OwlinaTree Wed 22-May-13 22:48:33

Isn't it half term next week?

deste Wed 22-May-13 22:49:05

I didnt think school was optional.

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 22:49:07

Can you get a babysitter and sack off the after-school stuff sometimes?

I think taking her out of school isn't a good idea.

VinegarDrinker Wed 22-May-13 22:49:27

And I would say yes YABU and setting up a dodgy precedent

RhinestoneCowboy Wed 22-May-13 22:50:11

I've done that a couple of times in the past! Its really nice, I really enjoyed it, and I think its a lovely sweet thing to do. I hope you enjoy it smile.

Even now, though my son is older, sometimes I crave that "you-me" time, as we don't often get it.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 22:50:31

DP could have her in the week but doesn't have a weekend off until end of July when it'll be school holidays anyway and elder DD would've gone almost 15 months with no one on one time with me

YABU to give her the message that school is optional.

ohforfoxsake Wed 22-May-13 22:51:17

I give mine 'duvet days', not frequently but regularly (once or twice a year). My eldest gets the most out of. He is very self contained and the least demanding - the one who needs the attention the most but asks the least.

Just make sure you make it count and don't spend the day doing chores. smile

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 22-May-13 22:51:23

It's half term in a week!

ChippingInLovesSpring Wed 22-May-13 22:51:55

YANBU - she's in reception not doing her GCSE's - she'll benefit more from a day with you to herself smile

flowery Wed 22-May-13 22:52:20

YABU that's an incredibly bad example to set your DD and you are inviting problems later on. School is not optional and there is half term and holidays and babysitters if you feel you need some one on one time with her.

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 22:52:57

As I said, could you not stop/interrupt the after-school activities and do something after school?

2rebecca Wed 22-May-13 22:53:05

Yes, she'll have to get used to the fact that she has a little sister. You maybe have to design stuff you can do with her and the baby with her being the centre of attention and just pushing or carrying the baby around things she enjoys doing.
One on one time will have to wait until your husband can look after the baby for a few hours, eldest kids don't get lots of individual attention any more when they have younger sibs.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 22:53:09

I don't have anyone else to babysit. We're going away as a family next week - I was thinking of DD and I having a day to ourselves in june

BriansBrain Wed 22-May-13 22:53:27

I don't normally ever agree with time out of school but in reception and a well spent day togeather could mean much more to her health and education.

Have a special day togeather but make it a Friday so she has the whole weekend to forget to mention it at school!

VinegarDrinker Wed 22-May-13 22:54:54

Have a day on your holiday that DP looks after the younger one all day? Or do several activities - one a day, even - just with the two of you?

Why does it have to be a whole day?

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 22:55:10

It's not a good message to send...that school is optional if there's something better to do.

If you're going away as a family, why can't you use one of those days for 1 on 1 time, while your DH looks after your other child?

ChippingInLovesSpring Wed 22-May-13 22:55:21

Having said that - if your DP is home in the week, why can't you have time with her in the half term hols?

TwasBrillig Wed 22-May-13 22:55:59

Can't you have a half day with just her when you're away next week while your partner has some fun with the other one?

I'm curious about the duvet day poster above -what on earth do you tell school? Do you tell them in advance??

LingDiLong Wed 22-May-13 22:56:03

But if you're going away as a family next week can't you have a day to yourselves while you're away?

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 22:56:24

She knows school isn't optional - she has no problem going to school. Even if she missed an activity it only gives us 3 hours or so, I'd like a day

burberryqueen Wed 22-May-13 22:57:01

don't do it your number will be marked and your daughter might start to expect it; dodgy precedent as another poster so rightly said.

ChippingInLovesSpring Wed 22-May-13 22:57:05

Oh sorry, you did say, you are going away!

Watching The Apprentice destroys my brain cells grin

Do it, spend a day with her on her own, it's something she'll remember forever. One day in reception... hardly likely to change her career prospects grin

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:00:05

Precisely my thoughts, chippingin.
We already have tickets booked and paid for for days out next week plus the things DD wants to do with me are at home

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:00:13

3 hours is plenty of time for a 4yo.

Why is she doing so many activities anyway, if you want one-on-one time?

I have 4 children so one on one time is hard to come by, but about every month I pick a night and when everyone else is asleep I wake one of them up and we have a midnight picnic, or snuggle up with a hot chocolate and watch a film or toast marshmallows over a fire in the garden or watch crappy WWE pay per views it makes it really special for them to get up in the night and do something fun, and I do it on a friday or saturday so they can have a lie in, although it makes me a bit tired the next day I wouldn't stop doing it for the world now. I would opt for that rather than time off school tbh.

Fakebook Wed 22-May-13 23:02:36

If you want to then just do it. She's in reception, not sitting her A-levels.

VinegarDrinker Wed 22-May-13 23:02:38

Actually I think a regular thing where once a week or fortnight your DP has the younger one and you collect her from school and do something special, activity, dinner out or whatever, would be more beneficial to her in the long run than a single day which she will then have to lie about to her teacher and friends.

You keep saying you want a full day, but without any real reason.

expatinscotland Wed 22-May-13 23:04:25

Do it!

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:04:54

She's nearly 6, not 4. She does activities because she enjoys them. I don't get why people think it's strange to want to spend one whole day with your child!
Lovely idea Missy but younger DD co-sleeps and is attached to me all night so can't do that one just yet

ohforfoxsake Wed 22-May-13 23:05:16

Twas - 'under the weather' suffices and is normally not far from the truth - its usually when there is a need to feel comforted and they will feel the benefit. Like I say, it's very infrequent. They have never read it as school being optional and it's not impacted negatively at all.

kawliga Wed 22-May-13 23:06:47

YANBU to miss her and wish you could have a day off school to bond with her. I sometimes miss my DD when she's at school. Not always but some days definitely.

YABU if you actually go ahead and keep her off school. Fantasy should not meet reality in this situation. You don't get the luxury of full days off having fun once school starts, unfortunately. Unless you are home-schooling then attendance is compulsory, them's the breaks.

BackforGood Wed 22-May-13 23:07:21

Yes. YABU.
It's not necessarily strange to want to spend a day with your child, but you have 2 days every weekend to do it, and 13weeks holiday a year to do it, plus another 5 INSET days.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:07:37

That midnight picnic sounds lovely.

I can't believe you're seriously considering setting a precedent like this. As some others have said, school isn't optional and it seems you have some capacity to amend activities elsewhere. You just don't want to.

Do it - what a bunch of old miseries; as if any school day when you're 4 is more important than spending time with mum.

At 4 school is optional.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:09:13

I agree the regular thing would be nice but dps days off change every week so would be unfair to not let DD do any activities so we can have time just one of the nights. I want a full day because DD always has to rush because of younger DD and want her to be able to just relax and enjoy herself

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:09:34

What are weekends for then ?

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:10:24

Men she is in reception, its no big deal. My ds4 is in reception amd has had the odd duvet day when I think he is too tired for school and will be having a day off to go to the zoo...

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Wed 22-May-13 23:10:42

Do it! She will benefit more from a lovely special day with you and you're not going to ruin her education. I think people are being quite dogmatic about missing school, yes it's a problem if it's a regular occurrence but this is a rare treat, she is in reception and she won't exactly fall behind!

When I was a child and teenager my father would take each of us out alone about once a year, usually unexpectedly for a full day of fun. That's the kind of thing that makes memories.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:10:55

Hanging she's nearly 6, not 4.

How would you feel if your daughter's teacher took a random day off to spend one on one time with her own child?

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:11:15

You only have to plan a week in advance, especially if the things she want s to do are home-based.

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:12:22

I think the odd day off in Reception is essential, they get so tired.

I would and have. My dd is reading level 7 in Year 1 and surpassed all her targets. My "relaxed" attitudes have done her no harm.

I took her out for a holiday in term time too shock

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:12:40

She may be in Reception but you've chosen to send her to school...therefore you need to set a precedent now.

I think this is more about you than your child to be honest.

You want a day with her.

So spend a day with her next week on holiday.

burberryqueen Wed 22-May-13 23:12:41

I used to let my children have 'duvet days' or let them have a day off from time to time, only to find it had all been noted and was used against me in a report to social services. you have been warned.

ozymandiusking Wed 22-May-13 23:13:15

I don't think it will do any harm at all. Sometimes children need a little special time on their own with mummy. (and visa versa )
It does them the world of good.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:13:20

I don't have 2 days every weekend - her father and I are separated so she has contact for half of them and the rest of the time I have younger DD so can't do the things elder DD wants to do with me

Crikeyblimey Wed 22-May-13 23:13:48

Have a full day whilst you are on holiday next week or wait another 7 and have a full day during the summer hols.

From the way you post it seems to me like this is for you not her. I think you need to think about why "you" want to deprive her of a day with her classmates and set a dangerous precedent.

I would love to take a sneaky day with just ds and I but I can't. He has school and I have work.

He is only in school for 40 weeks out of 52 - we find plenty of time to just do stuff together.

ClartyCarol Wed 22-May-13 23:14:13

I don't see it's a big deal - she's in Reception, it's not a regular thing, giving her the one to one time with you that she's craving at the expense of six hours in Reception (where let's face it, she's not exactly learning quadratic equations, more likely junk modelling and practising her phonics) is not setting her up.for a lifetime of truancy and underachievement.

I did similar with my 4yr old a few weeks ago, she had been up through the night and was clingy and upset in the morning. She wasn't ill but I made the decision she was better off having the day with me. Her lovely Reception teacher was fine with it, nodded sympathetically and said "I think they need it sometimes don't they?".

Loshad Wed 22-May-13 23:14:39

jaw dropped to floor at poster who wakes her kids in the middle of the night for me time shock
say that as a mum of 4 (less than 7 years covering them)

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:14:57

Why does it matter what his shift patterns are in the week if he's the NRP then?

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:15:13

"Dangerous precedent" in relation to a 4/5 year old having the odd day off with her Mum makes me grin.

LittleMissLucy Wed 22-May-13 23:15:46

Do it OP. I would. In fact I took mine out of preschool for a few weeks with me, as her real school doesn't start until september and its our last hurrah.

kawliga Wed 22-May-13 23:16:42

School is NOT optional regardless of the age! You can choose not to enrol your 4 year old but once enrolled they have to attend.

It's funny how some parents think it's ok to keep children off school when they're young and then later (cue teenage years) they'll be wondering how to make them go to school when they want to bunk off. Do you think a magic age arrives where you then start trying to teach them that actually maybe they should go to school after all? What if your 13 year old wants a 'duvet day'?

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:16:53


12 weeks out of 52 for you to have "special" days

although what would suit a 5yo better is a regular hour or two where she gets your undivided attention

making her wait for a full day is not the best model for an immature brain to process

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:17:41

burberryqueen they reported you to SS just for that? shock

SanityClause Wed 22-May-13 23:17:52

Get XP to have them in the week, so you have a weekend together, then get a babysitter for the little one, so you can take DD1 out?

Altinkum Wed 22-May-13 23:17:58

If she needs it she needs it, she doesn't and will not know any better, that Friday will be a school day, personally if she is needing the one to one, then is allow her, you could always tell her its a bank hoilday weekend, hence no school, at 5 she will be none the wiser.

woahthere Wed 22-May-13 23:19:10

fuck it, just have the day off with her...don't even explain it to her. My 5 year old wakes up evey day and asks if it is a school day and would believe me whatever day I told him. If you really really feel like you need a day to reconnect with your child then do it, i dont think it will send any message (unless you make a big deal of it) and I dont think it will make a big difference. As long as you dont do it all the time...

Crikeyblimey Wed 22-May-13 23:19:11

I think the precedent (IMO) is not necessarily wrt the child - but with the op. if she convinces herself it's ok now, what's to say its not ok anytime.

Op - does the baby have a weekend day with dp? Can you not have your day then?

And - yes, I've kept ds off school after a bad night's sleep to recharge his batteries but that's not the same as planning a day out during term time.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 22-May-13 23:19:33

So it's unfair for her to miss after school activities, but a day off school just for the sake of it is ok? hmm

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:19:36

It doesn't sound like the kid needs it

it sounds like the op "needs" it

burberryqueen Wed 22-May-13 23:20:05

yes low attendance is a biggie

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:20:15

"Dangerous precedent" in relation to a 4/5 year old having the odd day off with her Mum makes me grin

You do realise what precedent means don't you?

As in she won't always be 4/5 and she won't always be in Reception class.

But she'll always be at school (until she's 18)

Giving her the message now that school is no important if she wants to do something more fun, is the wrong message to send at this early stage.

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 22-May-13 23:20:15

You need to find another way of giving her your undivided attention. For DS, I try to make sure that he and I get 30 mins or so to read a book together or talk about stuff when DD has gone to bed. I wouldn't dream of taking him out of school just because I wanted a bit more time with him.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:20:17

I agree with AF.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:20:18

What about 'her repeatedly asking for time with me' makes you think it's more about me than her?? Her school behaviour is impeccable, she's ahead at reading (and reading with me uninterrupted is one of the things she wants to do) she wouldn't use it to try and score another day off and has had 100% attendance up until now

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:21:40

Yes I realise what the word precedent means.

Just because I don't agree with it it doesn't mean I don't have a good grasp of the English language.

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:22:19

How did social services even know and the school? I simply phone the school and say that child is poorly/too tired to go to school and the are very understanding. He is my fourth child at the school and we had child services involvement she I was poorly after having ds4 and their school attendence was not an issue.

It didn't set a terrible precedent my elder three all go to school unless I'll no bother and at high achievers doing well.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:22:46

So, OP: you've obviously made up your mind already. It's going to be one of those threads...

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:23:28

OP do what feels right for you and dd.

Another day you'd get a load of posters advocating duvet days for Reception age children. I know because I have quite often seen it.

jacks365 Wed 22-May-13 23:23:47

I'm assuming dd's dad is not dp so we are talking 2 different people there.

YOU seem to be looking for excuses to spend a day with dd, if she wanted it she'd have asked for it while away or ask to miss an activity to be with you. Can you truthfully say you are doing this for your daughter not yourself.

Crikeyblimey Wed 22-May-13 23:23:49

What does the child then say at school when the teacher or her friends ask her I she's feeling better?

School is school - she needs to attend.

Also - to all the people saying "if your dd needs it, just do it", the op clearly admits it is HER who wants this because she "misses" her.

I understand the missing thing. It can be tough but you are the adult. Suck it up for a few weeks. Spend quality "hours" with her before and after school. It will get easier as both your children get older.

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:24:23

But I don't think the odd long weekend can be classed as "low attendance". How many duvet days were you giving them?

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:24:23

children of 5yo do not "repeatedly ask for time" with someone

at this age, they go with the flow

you say today is a school day, that is what it is, you tell them it's saturday and no school, it's whoopee

an hour to them has the stretching expanse of a whole day...a day is a week, a week a year

OP, I don't think you understand children very well

this is your issue...not hers

kawliga Wed 22-May-13 23:25:03

Altinkum you cannot be serious. By the time they are old enough to start school they are old enough to know the difference between school days and weekends/holidays! If I kept my DD off school she would definitely know that something was not going as normal. She knows what school days are! As for lying to her and saying it's a bank holiday...

Don't keep your child off school and then lie to her that it's a bank holiday because you 'miss her'. Please. Don't be weird. Just be a good normal parent and take your child to school.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:25:11

Sooty I wanted to see if anyone had any valid alternatives or downsides that I hadn't already considered

allinatizz Wed 22-May-13 23:25:37

I'd do it. She probably won't even notice it's a school day - my DD1 asks what we're doing each day, she doesn't really know when it's a weekend and when it isn't - make it a Friday, I would. Enjoy your time with her, I wouldn't see it as setting a precedent.

You could even tell the school she's tired so you're keeping her home.

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:26:18

You have been given viable alternatives - an evening in without activities, or a babysitter for your younger child.

EverybodysStressyEyed Wed 22-May-13 23:26:32

I think you're being self indulgent

Try and find a regular time in the day that you spend with dd. I spend half an hour at bedtime with ds reading or chatting or playing a game. If dh comes home early he takes dd off for half an hour and I spend the time with ds.

How many after school activities is she doing? I cut ds' right back because it was exhausting for him and he preferred to spend the time with me.

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:26:58

and when you "miss her" next term..and next week ?

what then ?

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:27:41

Agree Altinkum at that age my dc didn't know. They certainly didn't question why they weren't going. I told them no school today and that was that.

burberryqueen Wed 22-May-13 23:28:04

sgt calhoun it was a few too many days when they were tired or had a cough or an earache or so on, low level stuff that didn't warrant a visit to the doctor....

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:28:47

They don't always know, ds4 doesn't have a clue what day of the week of is and asks most morning if it is a school day,'of I said it wasn't me would accept that. As it is he has older siblings going to school so then he knows bit if he has been too tired I have let him have the day off. The school are fine with that ad the teacher has said sometimes its the best thing for them at this age.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 22-May-13 23:29:05

YABU but not for the schools sake, sod the system.
You would be sending her the message that skipping school is no big deal. What will you do when the temptation is there next time. How will you be modelling good discipline which she will need when she is older.
This comes from someone who took her dd out of school because she wanted to be at home and do her own thing.
There is a difference though, I would never have encouraged her to skive.

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:29:48

Your thread title says it all.

And if she has 100% attendance, why do you want to spoil that...especially when it's half term next week?

BumgrapesofWrath Wed 22-May-13 23:30:16

I am quite surprised at the YABU responses!

My mum and dad did this a handful of times, they'd have a work sickie, and I'd be kept off school. We'd all have a lovely day together, and I've got some great memories from it!

An odd day off makes no difference. I did very well at school, enjoyed school even! It won't set a precedent as long as you make it clear it is a rare occurrence.

Crikeyblimey Wed 22-May-13 23:30:24

Precedent does not mean "always do the same thing in exactly the same circumstances".

If op feels she has "got away" with not abiding by attendance rules for no good reason - the "precedent" would suggest that this non attendance can be "got away with" whenever she pleases.

Anyway, as already stated. Op has decided and that's fine - her choice but she asked and I believe it is unreasonable.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 22-May-13 23:30:39

I don't think 1 day off would really harm her, but nor would it solve the problem that she wants to see more of you.

Whatalotofpiffle Wed 22-May-13 23:31:32

Great idea smile

kawliga Wed 22-May-13 23:32:18

I'm really shocked that some parents just randomly take their DC to school or keep them home as they deem fit.

This is why they say that it's the home life, not the school, that determines how the child turns out. The best school in the world cannot overcome a parent who teaches the DC that school is to be randomly attended and when we miss each other we just stay home and have a 'duvet day' OMG.

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:32:23

AF - I don't think you're in a position to comment on what my child has said and say she hasn't actually said it. Yes an hour may seem like a long time beforehand but it isn't long enough to do the things she'd like to.
She would know it's a school day so would do it on a Friday

morethanpotatoprints Wed 22-May-13 23:32:29

Sorry OP

Just thought, I didn't know how old your dd is. If she is young as suggested above, and she wouldn't know any difference, who would be the wiser. Obviously don't make a habit of it.

WeAreEternal Wed 22-May-13 23:33:23

Sorry but YABU.
You can't just take a day off school because you fancy a day at home together, it sets a bad example, even in reception.

Besides, that is exactly what the weekends are for.

If your youngest DC is so demanding that they require undivided attention 24/7 then it sounds like you have a problem that you need to be working on with that DC while your DD is at school.

I think you should consider hiring a baby sitter, maybe a local teenage would be a good choice since you don't actually plan to leave the house, just someone cheap who can entertain your extremely demanding toddler while you give your DD some attention.

Yes it is difficult and unfortunate that you have a difficult toddler and a DP that works shift. But guess what lots of other have similar situations and they manage to devote at least a small amount of their attention each to their older children without having to take them out of school randomly when they feel like it.

emstats Wed 22-May-13 23:33:37

Absolutely 100% you should do it!!!!! Hope you have a great day together smile my mum did it for me, I still remember it, it certainly didn't effect my schooling (what a load of crap!) But did have a very positive impact on how I felt at the time and my relationship (going forward) with my mum and siblings.

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:33:37

If the OP is this needy, I really can't see this being a one off.

There are so many other ways to spend time with one child.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:35:07

My mum and dad did this a handful of times, they'd have a work sickie, and I'd be kept off school

So your parents were happy to commit fraud and gave you the message that lies and deceit were absolutely fine? I think the work sickie stuff is even worse than the child missing school in isolation.

DewDr0p Wed 22-May-13 23:36:23

I agree with Xmas this won't solve the issue. If your dd is missing you OP then maybe you need to review after school activities or make more use of the baby's nap times?

Pantone363 Wed 22-May-13 23:36:35

Do it

I take mine out every term for one day each. Not half term, over a full term. Just call her in sick.

Weekends and holidays are different, there's other kids about and it's not the same. DS and I went tobogganing last time grin

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:37:28

What are these 'so many ways' Worra? Besides hiring a babysitter which isn't doable as DD and I would both know other DD would be upset and wouldn't enjoy ourselves

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:37:49

Well the odd duvet day when it was needed has done my children no harm, given ds1 is in top sets and other than time off for an operation in yr8 has had 100% attemdemce at high school and is predicted all a* and a grades form his GCSE's. The other two are also doing brilliantly, ds3 actually had quite a lot of 'duvet days' in the months after having kawasakies disease and has done him no harm at all, quite the opposite infact it meant he didn't get overtired and worn out so he was able to do well at school.

thebody Wed 22-May-13 23:38:06

Reading just your post then if course not. Do it. What will she miss? GCSE prep? Oh hang on this is Britain. Yes sorry its a crucial time between 4 and 5.. If she's off for a day now she will fail her sats/ A levels and life chances.....

Any other country chik she wouldn't in formal education.. Think on...

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:38:21

I understand children, OP. I also understand that you are attributing thoughts and mindsets to your child that are originating from yourself.

that is not a healthy situation..for you nor for her

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:38:36

I see no one has commented yet on how they'd feel if their child's teacher called in sick in order to indulge themselves and their child.

Pantone363 Wed 22-May-13 23:38:50

And we got half way to school in the snow and said f it and went sledging instead.

Both of them are above target blah blah blah and I'm loling hard at "what example are you setting".

Altinkum Wed 22-May-13 23:39:26

I said it was a bank holiday weekend, not a bank holiday.

Seethe difference, they will be off on Monday and the rest if the week, one day is not going to harm the child, nor will it confuse her, considering she will be on holiday for 9 possibly 10 days!

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:39:54

having a diagnosed illness that requires rest days is very different to having a mum that fulfils a need in herself by keeping her kid off school

heaven forbid this child is actually ill and requires time off school

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:40:11

Baby is high needs so making use of nap time isn't possible. DD wants to do activities and spend time with me but it isn't a good plan to have her miss one every week

BumgrapesofWrath Wed 22-May-13 23:40:15

My parents taught me the terrible lesson that life is for enjoying...

Pantone363 Wed 22-May-13 23:40:20

ilovesooty, I can't say I'd be overly bothered if it was once a term.

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:40:33

Oh come on!

DD would be upset because you hired a babysitter? Because presumably you know nobody else in the world who could look after her for a day?


Ask yourself this...where will it end?

What if you miss your other DD when she's at school...will she be taking time off too?

What about when you're working and you miss them both, will you be throwing sickies?

You need to sort something out and I mean that nicely no matter how harsh it sounds.

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:40:33

Yes we had time off she we had snow, the school sent a text saying only travel in of you feel it is safe to do so, our roads and footpaths were lethal so we stayed home and enjoyed the snow!

Crikeyblimey Wed 22-May-13 23:40:46


My issue isn't the "missing lessons" - I appreciate one missed day in reception won't ruin her education. It is the total lack of respect for the school, the teacher, her classmates etc. that bothers me. School isn't a drop in centre. But maybe people also have the same feelings about work and throw sickies left right and centre.

Oh we'll, I'm off to her now cos I have to get up for work (no matter how tired I am).

Do it. One "duvet day" a year for my DD now year3 has only ever been a positive, relationship building thing. She understands how important school is, and is conscientious. But that one day earlier this year was very special for both of us and she benefitted significantly from it as had been struggling with health problems for a while.

Onesleeptillwembley Wed 22-May-13 23:41:44

I came on to tell you to get a grip, but I've been there and a day of family time in the timescale you have given is far more important. Enjoy. grin

kawliga Wed 22-May-13 23:41:57

Some people apply no moral standards to school or work, so they think it's ok to call in sick to work or call their children sick to school because they fancy a duvet day, or even lie to the children that it's a bank holiday so they can stay at home. On the internet, not everybody thinks you have to do the right thing, some people think it's ok to tell lies. OP, think very carefully whether that line of advice is what you want to follow. Is your great duvet day worth it, if you had to tell lies to achieve it?

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:42:46

5mad that's totally different to the OP indulging her own needs in the middle of May.

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:43:57

Indeed, crikey

let's hope I don't feel like having a "fun day" tomorrow as a lot of people that need my services will be greatly inconvenienced and affected detrimentally

fuck it though, I fancy a day off with my kid

we deserve it

McNewPants2013 Wed 22-May-13 23:43:59

I don't know if this is true, but if the whole school attendance is low it can effect ofstead reports which in turn effects the schools funding.

If every parent did this despite the teachers very best effort it can effect the rating.

You need to spend 1-1 with your dd why not make it a monthly thing.

WorraLiberty Wed 22-May-13 23:44:48

Anyway, it's not like the OP is really asking for advice.

She's looking for 'YANBUs' as she's clearly going to do it anyway.

I just hope you're honest with the school and don't make up some bullshit about your child being sick.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:44:55

5madthings if it was unsafe to travel that's a whole different scenario to keeping your child off school for self indulgent reasons.

And I think Worra's right. This could get totally out of hand. I still think the OP is just looking for excuses not to find a solution which doesn't impact on school attendance and wants others' validation for her choices.

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:45:34

OP, I really don't understand where you are coming from. You are desperate to spend time with DD, to the point of missing her, but have no problem insisting on her attendance of several after-school activities. Your excuse for not hiring a babysitter is also very odd - children that young are rarely altruistic without being coached to be so.

There is some specific thing you want to do with her, on a specific day, isn't there, and you're just trying to justify it to yourself?

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:45:37

I don't think it's the OP that needs to get a grip onesleep.

ilovesooty Wed 22-May-13 23:46:06

My issue isn't the "missing lessons" - I appreciate one missed day in reception won't ruin her education. It is the total lack of respect for the school, the teacher, her classmates etc. that bothers me. School isn't a drop in centre. But maybe people also have the same feelings about work and throw sickies left right and centre


BumgrapesofWrath Wed 22-May-13 23:46:35

Love how a "keeping a child off school" thread really gets everyone going!

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:46:44

Sometimes a little child doesn't need to be I'll to have a day off school, sometimes they are just too tired and worn out, especially when you get a long term. I don't think one day join reception sets a precedent and means of will happen loads and it can be to the benefit of the child and the school who then get a child who is refreshed and engages well whilst at school.

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:46:47

I am failing to understand the straw arguments on this thread

child with health problems

treachorous snow and ice

not a problem

staying home with mummy because she misses you...a grip needs getting by mummy

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:47:01

Worra - no I really don't have anyone who could have her, not everyone is that lucky.several of her classmates have had whole fortnights off for holidays or weeks for colds whereas DD has always gone in even if not 100%

Inertia Wed 22-May-13 23:47:45

Well surely if older DD took a day off school you'd have younger DD at home to look after anyway, which defeats the object.

Make a space in your holiday plans next week for DP to have a day with younger DD so that you and older DD can do something together.

I'm one of those people who thinks that taking days out of school , even for holidays, is sometimes unavoidable- but this sounds as though you have plenty of options about spending a day with DD1, you just don't want to consider any other way around it.

Cherriesarelovely Wed 22-May-13 23:49:41

I did this once or twice last year when I was having some health problems and was in hospital alot and Dd found it incredibly upsetting. I know she wasn't exactly ill but she needed some really quiet time with me to make her feel calm and happy again. I was honest with the school, I honestly can't remember what they said about it! I do know that my Dd has very little time off and when she is at school she works very hard and does pretty much every club going!

She has never asked for that since and I've never felt the need again but I don't agree that this necessarily "sets a precedent". I also don't think that the odd occasion makes a huge amount of difference at school and I say that as a teacher myself. It is totally different if your child is off alot due to illness or holidays anyway but if they are not the ODD day to recharge or re connect with a parent is not going to make any difference to their schooling but might to their emotional wellbeing.

I totally disagree with adults phoning in sick when they are not though. I love my job and would never do that to my colleagues either

Bobyan Wed 22-May-13 23:49:51

Children are only in school for 38 weeks a year, so why on earth has your DD not had one to one time in 15 months?!?

Thymeout Wed 22-May-13 23:50:08

OP, what does your child say when the teacher or her friends ask her why she missed a day at school?

The truth? Can't see that going down too well.

I really hope you don't encourage her to fib.

Cherriesarelovely Wed 22-May-13 23:50:43

LittleLisa, I think you make a very good point about your Dds friends who frequently take say 2 weeks off school for a holiday etc.

5madthings Wed 22-May-13 23:50:48

Oh we probably could have traipsed to school in the snow bit a half hour walk would have been more like 50mins+ with a tired four or old and a toddler in pushchair over a snow covered field, so we stayed home as did most others and mine have had the odd day when they were just too tired and needed a quiet day and sometime at home. It snot often and only in reception (and yr1 for ds3) I just don't think that one day will set a terrible precedent or cause problems I the future.

MortifiedAdams Wed 22-May-13 23:51:30

look, OP, the fact of the matter is you decided to have a second child. Common sense would tell you that one-to-one time with your eldest would reduce its not rocket science.

Get a grip and do what ever other parent of more than one does and grab bits of time here and there with one of them rather than keeping your dd off school for a whole day just to satisfy your craving for time with her and an asuage your obvious guilt at which is a prodcut of your own doing.

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:51:34

OP, you either have "no-one to have her" or you won't leave your younger DD with a sitter because your other DD gets upset on her behalf. Which is it?

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:52:16

Because younger DD is high needs and has only just got to the point where DP can care for her

TheSmallClanger Wed 22-May-13 23:53:54

So why say that thing about the other DD getting upset then?

Also, is high needs, SN?

LittleLisa78 Wed 22-May-13 23:54:29

Both clanger, they aren't contradictory things to say.

ohforfoxsake Wed 22-May-13 23:54:49

Bet you are glad you asked now Lisa wink

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:55:41

lisa doesn't care that she asked...her decision is already made

Bobyan Wed 22-May-13 23:56:28

So instead of missing school why don't you deal with the real issue here, which is your inadequate partner?!?

Cherriesarelovely Wed 22-May-13 23:58:40

I think to be fair people sometimes come to AIBU because they are unsure about their course of action but actually reading people's varied veiwpoints serves to strengthen their original veiwpoint which is actually allowed!!! Op does not have to do what the "majority" here think. I have frequently disagreed with the majority veiw!

AnyFucker Wed 22-May-13 23:59:20

I am hoping lisa comes back here with a very good reason why her partner is not inadequate at all, and that her considering cutting into her daughter's schooling to make up for it is absolutely nothing to do with her decision at all

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:59:21

I never get this about AIBU. Posters are actually allowed to post, get loads of dissenting opinions, weigh them up and then still do what they want to do, even if it opposes the majority of the thread. Are they supposed to do what a bunch of randoms on the Internet say without question?

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 22-May-13 23:59:53

Cross post cherries smile

WeAreEternal Wed 22-May-13 23:59:59

Oh and to all those saying 'go for it, it's only one day'
Yes it will be one lovely day I'm sure, but it won't solve the OP's problem that she is basically been ignoring her older DD since the toddler was born.

If your DD feels so ignored that at 5 she is "repeatedly" asking for attention it must be pretty bad because as other have said, at that age they usually just go along with things as they are, they adapt and work with the situation. They are that lovely age where they no longer need you for everything, and they don't want things done for them as they are enjoying the new found independence of not needed everything done for them.

So you have no other person who can look after your toddler? Really, nobody?
Fine, get a babysitter. The toddler will not be "upset" unless you hire really awful babysitters I'm sure the toddler will love some new attention.
Or is it just that you are as attached to the clingy toddler as she is to you and can't bare the thought of anyone else looking after her?

You need to sort out the problem of the difficult, all consuming toddler, as your DD is clearly suffering as a result of it.
I think a babysitter for every the occasional Saturday afternoon would help all of your problems hugely.

But you don't really want any of our advice do you OP.
You just want us all to tell you that YANBU. except you are.

McNewPants2013 Thu 23-May-13 00:00:08

So you have not once spent 1-1 time with your Dd in 16 months.

Op I bet you have, so not once have you sat down with a book when the baby has been asleep or just sat and talked to her or done anything

Cherriesarelovely Thu 23-May-13 00:04:00

I find some of the responses to OP incredibly intense and ott! She is thinking of having ONE DAY at home with her small child for perfectly understandable reasons. If she homeschooled she would be able to do whatever she liked anyway! It's not as if she is saying once a week or even once a month!

Nanny0gg Thu 23-May-13 00:04:05

My mum and dad did this a handful of times, they'd have a work sickie, and I'd be kept off school. We'd all have a lovely day together, and I've got some great memories from it!

Bet their employers were thrilled...

The OP has decided. Don't really know why she asked.

fastyspeedyfast Thu 23-May-13 00:04:15

You should do it! And you'll be setting her a brilliant example - that she is more important to you than a perfect attendance record. It will have such a positive effect on your relationship. I'd say you should keep doing it once a year until she leaves home. smile

WeAreEternal Thu 23-May-13 00:04:38

Are they supposed to do what a bunch of randoms on the Internet say without question?

Of course they are, we are MNers, we are all knowing, our word is basically gospel. Didn't you get that memo? grin

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 00:07:32

I think people who get as intense as they have on this thread and who get pissed off because a poster doesn't take their advice need to consider if they have control issues and/or are maybe a bit over invested in MN.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 00:08:27

Sorry cross posted. That wasn't a po faced response to you eternal grin

WeAreEternal Thu 23-May-13 00:14:49

Out of interest OP.
on an evening and a weekend, when your DP is working his shifts, and 100% of your attention is focused on your toddler 100% of the time, what does your DD do?
Does she entertain herself all of the time?
Does she play by herself all day?
Does she watch a lot of tv by herself?

Or is that why she does so many after school activities? So that she isn't basically entertaining herself alone all of the time.

The more I think about it the worse I feel for your poor DD.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 00:23:53

Why do you feel sorry for her? You don't know the answers to your questions yet? confused

RachelHRD Thu 23-May-13 00:59:51

OP I think YABU there are plenty of opportunities to have one on one time with your Eldest when the youngest is napping etc or when you are on holiday next week - it doesn't have to be a full day for it to be enjoyable. Taking a day off school to do it isn't the right example to set. I wouldn't and I have a DS in Reception and we get even less one on one time as my DD is 3 - we certainly never have a full day together.
Emstats the odd day off may not have 'effected' your schooling but it may well have 'affected' it...... wink

WhiteBirdBlueSky Thu 23-May-13 01:07:02

Sometimes there are more important things than school for a child in reception.

StuntGirl Thu 23-May-13 01:16:20

I can't stand this kind of selfish parenting. I have friend who wakes her child up while it's napping/sleeping as "She misses him so much". Get a fucking grip.

I agree with the poster who said upthread that essentially you 'miss' your daughter because you're not giving her enough attention. And a day here or there won't fix that, how about in another 6 months time when she's had no one on one time with you again?

You need to work some alone time with your daughter into your routine and stop throwing up imaginary roadblocks to very sensible solutions.

Or just go ahead and take your daughter out of school like you're going to anyway, sticking plaster solutions always work so well.

MidniteScribbler Thu 23-May-13 02:32:18

I think a one on one day with DS sounds lovely. I'm sure the parents of my students won't have a problem if I'd rather spend the day in bed watching movies and eating popcorn, will they?

dufflefluffle Thu 23-May-13 02:37:48

I find some of the responses to OP incredibly intense and ott! She is thinking of having ONE DAY at home with her small child for perfectly understandable reasons. If she homeschooled she would be able to do whatever she liked anyway! It's not as if she is saying once a week or even once a month!

I totally agree - it's only a day and she'll love it and maybe you'll make a regular event of it. As I have a dd and a ds I do a boys day and a girls day as an excuse o do something with each but it was near impossible in the first few years. Give yourself a break OP and do what you feel best which is take the day, give your DD the time, she might not remember it 10 years down the line (when she would rather do anything than spend time with her mumwink) but you will and she will benefit from it. Do it!!

christinarossetti Thu 23-May-13 03:06:38

Did it take 7 pages for someone to trot out the 'I feel sorry for your child' line or did I miss something earlier on?

Why does this topic get under peoples' skin so much that they ask OP to justify her choice of partner and make comparisons between a 5 year old being off school for ONE day and an adult in a responsible job phoning in sick?

I wouldn't wait until mid June to address this OP, but start doing what I could to build in more one to one time on a daily basis. Does your older child go to bed a bit later than your younger one - could you make this half hour or so count more?

Fuckwittery Thu 23-May-13 03:19:18

Cant you do it in the summer holidays? You're thinking june so not much longer to wait til end july. I do a special day with my eldest every summer hols - usually theatre trip to london.
But i know someone who does this with her daughterjust dont tell everyone or post on mn for opinions! She calls child in sick and tells child hmm you are v hot etc in the morning, oh you seem much better lets go out etc.

Sokmonsta Thu 23-May-13 03:25:51

Yabu. You have chosen for her to do the extra curricular activities and you have chosen to have another child.

These are the decisions which have put paid to you having a whole day with your dd.

I can assure you my dd has not had a whole day with me to herself in 3 years. We chose to have more children. Ds has never had a day with me to himself as dd was always there. Then before she started school I had twins. They have not had just me time in their whole 13 months.

We make time in other ways, when the twins are asleep during the day for ds. He has what we call his 'mummy day' when he doesn't go to preschool. We still have the twins though. Dd gets an hour on a Sunday evening when the twins are in bed and ds is at nana and granddad's. sometimes we let her go to bed later on fri/sat so she gets time with just dh and I.

A few snatched minutes here and there on a regular basis will do more than the odd day off school.

MyBaby1day Thu 23-May-13 03:58:46

YANBU, it's so cute!! smile

rainbowslollipops Thu 23-May-13 06:22:11

Someone I know at Dds school did this in nursery, it then followed through to reception and its only been this year she's actually sent her son to school. Her son got 57% in reception attendance. It's got to the point where if her son says he doesn't feel well or his head hurts she'll tell the school he's got a bad migraine and has been sick.

landofsoapandglory Thu 23-May-13 07:13:04

OP what about your DS, do you miss him enough to give him a day off too?

Am I the only one wondering why the OPS DD is in reception if she is six?

Anyway. I agree with everyone who said get a grip. Children have to go to school. If you miss her, do something about it after school or in the holidays. Or when your younger dd is sleeping. Or whatever other suggestions everyone else made.

LittleLisa78 Thu 23-May-13 07:28:08

I did not say 100% of my attention is focused on toddler 100% of the time. Elder DD and I go to the park, read, make dinner, draw, make cakes TC but always with younger DD there- it is one on one time she would like for the activities she would like to do which are impossible with her sister there. No, younger DD doesn't go to bed earlier or nap without me so those aren't options. DS is older and not fussed about doing things with his sisters there. Not sure why you think DP is inadequate for going to work...!

musicposy Thu 23-May-13 07:34:56

I think YABU, sorry.

If you want her at home, home educate her.Then you can have lovely days with her every day. If you can't commit to that, then you need to commit to school. To lie to the school and keep her off because you feel like it sends entirely the wong message. Only 190 days out of 365 are school days. It's ridiculous to say you can't get time alone with her somehow on one of those days off.

And for the people taking sickies shock It's because of people who do this that DH's work have a policy of 3 times sick in the year is automatic dismissal. It ruins it for the honest people. You are paid to work, not to stay at home and have fun.

OP, home educate or commit to school properly. Anything else is setting a very bad precedent.

Groovee Thu 23-May-13 07:38:59

Why can't you make a plan for a day next week while away?

Personally if dp was at home during the week, I'd be picking my child up from school and going to their activity then out for tea to just spend time together.

What happens when your dd announces "I wasn't sick on Friday, I got to spend time with mummy instead!" at school?

RachelHRD Thu 23-May-13 07:43:05

OP what are you planning on telling DD to say if she is asked about her day off?? Presumably you'll be telling her to lie and say she was poorly? Again not a great example to set is it?
I understand you want quality time with her just don't do it this way.

jacks365 Thu 23-May-13 07:48:02

The comment about dp was because you stated he has only just learnt to care for your youngest.

What activities is it that your dd wants to do.

Is it you she wants to spend time with or is it the activities she wants.

Why does it have to be a full day?

If I honestly thought this was going to be one day then I'd say go for it but something is just not sitting right. It could be because you started the thread on your terms ie "I miss dd" but it comes across as you trying to justify keeping her off unnecessarily for your own needs.

thegreylady Thu 23-May-13 07:53:37

I would make it the last week of term and go into school and talk to the head teacher. Book one day of authorised absence. Alternatively make an appointment for an eye test or dental check up and take the whole day off. Lovely as it sounds she is nearly 6 and having done it once will no doubt want to do it again.

Wishihadabs Thu 23-May-13 07:55:47

One of the mothers at Dc's school does this on different days with each of her dc. I don't think it's right. I would dearly love to keep the dcs off school on a Monday when I have been on call and away all weekend (they would love it too) But instead I get up , get dressed and do the school run. As I see it we have a contract with the school that they will attend if they are not ill.

Attendance is a big issue and I think by keeping them off you are making the schools job harder than it needs to be.

I also think you need to find ways of giving your elder dd what she needs with the younger one around.

thegreylady Thu 23-May-13 07:57:57

I have been re reading-what would you do with dd2 during this full day with dd1?

christinarossetti Thu 23-May-13 08:00:35

A simple solution would be to leave your younger dd with your partner on his many days off whilst you pick your older daughter up from school. Does she really do an after school activity every day? If so, why not have a day off one of these and do something nice eg go to park, go for juice together?

Or dp could take your youngest out for a couple of hours after school whilst yo and your older child relax at home?

Juggling the needs of two young children is hard but shift work should give more flexibility not less imvhe.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 08:22:48

Are you going to tell us why it is your p is only just able to look after your youngest child on his own, or continue to let us fill in the blanks (not to his advantage)?

CorrStagnitto Thu 23-May-13 08:34:20

YANBU... just do it, missing one day wont do any harm

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 08:42:15

extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and d

stop some of those and spend time with her if you are in england it is half time next week isn't it spend time with her then, I think you sound a little bit needy your child is in school and you want her to spend the day with you , <shrug> yabu

arethereanyleftatall Thu 23-May-13 08:50:40

Agree with the above posters. This makes no sense whatsoever. You start the thread saying you don't have the time to have one on one, then go on to to say that next week you're all going away as a family?! Am I missing something? Why can't you have a day on holiday with DC1 while your DP has the one year old?

HerrenaHarridan Thu 23-May-13 08:58:29

Cardinal sin warning: I have not read the whole thread blush but after reading a few posts along the line of school is not optional unless home educating I feel the need to point out that actually there is a grey area between the two and you absolutely can educate off site for a day or a week.

If the school query it and they might because its not widely advertised you can a sen her in with a project book from the lovely day at the museum you shared or d) print off some info about it, give it to them and get on with life.

I will continue in to read the whole thread now and I sincerely hope someone before me has said similar.

Please people remember they are your children, not the LEAs and you are entitled to take some responsibility for their education.

Samu2 Thu 23-May-13 09:06:18

I wouldn't do it, school is not optional for me. You turn up every day unless you are ill or there is a family emergency or something.

However, hardly the end of the world if you give her the day off, especially if it will only be a one off.

Blu Thu 23-May-13 09:07:43

Given everything you say, I would do it. You could always go to a museum or other activity connected with something she is doing at school, as long as she would enjoy it.

Blu Thu 23-May-13 09:09:53

Actually your title is misleading if you are Actually doing this because she misses you. If it would benefit her, do it. If only for your sake, don't.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 23-May-13 09:11:27

OP What do you mean by 'high needs'? Put DCD2 down to sleep on her own. Then you have time with DD every single day.

If you genuinely had no time to have one on one time then I would say YANBU.

But, you have, you've got plenty. Every single day and all the holidays. So YABU and very selfish.

HerrenaHarridan Thu 23-May-13 09:25:07


An this is a classic mn example is spending years agreeing with almost everything another poster says only to find yourself going "you fucking what!"
I'll name no names but I do love the eloquently argued "but school is school!"

Also a classic example of lots of yanbu/ yabu and one particularly vehement side getting offended because when her conviction were challenged she realised the strength of them (go on, spot the quote wink)


By a cheap scrap book, go to the museum and fill it full of drawing and pictures, often they have little worksheets and finding challenges.

Life is for living

As for adults taking work days off well it depends on your job really, shitty dead end factory job that you hate, just do it! Brain surgeon, maybe not.

And as for the poster who said her dp gets automatic dismissal for 3 days sick, that's either not true or you should report his employer for breaking the law.

ElizaDoLots Thu 23-May-13 09:32:35

YABU - but I'd do it anyway! I think school is optional actually, until they are five. At our primary school a few children took a day or part day off if they became too tired by full time school and they were still four.

I wouldn't explain it like that to your daughter though - I just say 'no school today' and not expand. If you feel she is missing out on 1:1 time, she's probably feeling it too and getting a bit of that will far outweigh a day of jolly phonics in the long run.

ElizaDoLots Thu 23-May-13 09:35:10

Didn't realise she was 6. I'd still do it anyway though if she's not behind.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 23-May-13 09:42:59

Herrena, I agree this thread is bringing out strong opinions for both sides! I thought "WTF - noooooo" at the OP!

flanbase Thu 23-May-13 09:43:10

I would say for the weekdays meet your dd after school whilst your dp looks after your dd2 and go out together and do something. For the whole day off school I'd wait until it's a day off for everyone. You could say to your DD1 that in the school hols you will do things and make plans. I know it's hard with having to give attention to other kids and the not having time just per child.

WorraLiberty Thu 23-May-13 09:49:21

I feel the need to point out that actually there is a grey area between the two and you absolutely can educate off site for a day or a week.

Only if the school agree (in my school anyway).

Some examples of being educated off site would be something arranged by the music lessons/a spelling or maths competition at another school.

A parent telling the school they're keeping their child home for 1 on 1 cuddles with Mummy...or even a random trip to a museum would go down as an unauthorised absence.

The parent would simply be told to do this in their own the weekends/after school/during the 12 weeks holidays a year that the kids get.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 09:51:07

And that would be because that is what all the other millions of families are expected to do

Most of them manage it pretty adequately

ShatterResistant Thu 23-May-13 09:53:38

OP, can you please tell us what you plan to do with your baby on the day you'd take DD out of school? And why can't that same plan apply in a half term or holiday day?

decaffwithcream Thu 23-May-13 09:54:42

If you are genuinely motivated by your daughter's needs, then it makes far more sense to build one-to-one time into your daily routine, as that is far more beneficial than whole special days or special activities. Because everyday time becomes something she can expect and rely on as part of her everyday life.

If you are motivated by missing her and wanting to meet your own needs that is incredibly unfair to put that expectation to meet your needs onto a 5 year old.

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 09:54:44

A parent telling the school they're keeping their child home for 1 on 1 cuddles with Mummy...or even a random trip to a museum would go down as an unauthorised absence.

^ ^ that most people manage to spend time with their children when they are not in school they dont need special days off to have a cuddle wink and if they do then it is time to rethink schedules imo,

Educating off site with school permission is slightly different to wanting your child at home because you miss her.

and this whole thing is baffling me.

Why is your 6 year old in reception?
Where is your younger DD going to be when you spend this day together? Because if she is going to be at home with you doesnt that defeat the object of the day off?

and what after school activity for a 6 year old takes 3 hours? Every day?

WorraLiberty Thu 23-May-13 09:58:23

Yes that's a good point. Why is a 6yr old in Reception? confused

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 09:59:37

maybe the OP didnt send her to school at 4 ?

Disclaimer we dont have reception in scotland so i may be talking out of my backside

I'm pretty sure that even if you defer school starting, they have to go into the correct year?

Actually, no I'm not pretty sure at all. But I think I read that on here once smile

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 10:05:36

oh so even if they defer they would go into year 1 and not reception ? if we defer they go into primary 1 even if they are 5,

waterrat Thu 23-May-13 10:06:36

what a bunch of misery guts. take the day off is short, she is tiny - its really really not a big deal

I think so mrsjay

I might be wrong though.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Thu 23-May-13 10:14:29

Tantrums she said nearly 6 so I assume shell be 6 in seltember. But yes I was!
Op I wouldnt do it. Im of the thought that you teach your child from an early age that they honour commitments if possible.

jacks365 Thu 23-May-13 10:17:30

They have to move into the correct school year at some point due to leaving school age. You can't force them to stay in school past 16/18 and its easiest to make up the lost ground in ks1 which is why its preferable to go into the correct year. Our local grammar will only take a child in the correct year they won't even take those moved ahead a year.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Thu 23-May-13 10:18:51

If her child is ahead I most things then presumably shes in the right year. I asssume she will be 6 in september

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 10:20:17

our young kids have to stay on till they are 16 dd2 was a young starter and she has to stay on to school till christmas she is staying on anyway , ( our young starts are winter babies and not summer babies)

Notcontent Thu 23-May-13 10:21:04

I could never have a duvet day because I would feel too guilty. Basically lying to my employer.

By the way, the op never said where the baby would be during her "bonding" day with her dd !!!!!

nellieellie Thu 23-May-13 10:22:49

It is very naughty to take a day off. School is not optional - your daughter needs to know that she cannot just stay off school if she/you wants. Just imagine all that chaos in a class full of 30 children that she will miss, "the choosing time" (aimless wandering around while trying to decide what to do)...........
What was it David Bowie sang to his child (was it "Kooks"?)"...and if the homework brings you down, we'll throw it on the fire and take the car down town.."
Be bad.
Go girl.

GladbagsGold Thu 23-May-13 10:29:52

I very very very nearly kept the DC off school today and rang in sick to work. In the end I didn't but I can really understand people who do.

Bobyan Thu 23-May-13 10:37:57

Most parents work op, that doesn't excuse your partner not being able to care for one of your children, on his own.

BornInACrossFireHurricane Thu 23-May-13 10:58:03

Yes, I would do it OP. I wouldn't tell her she was having the day off for this particualr reason though in case it causes her to expect it to happen again. But one day off together is fine in my opinion!

WorraLiberty Thu 23-May-13 11:05:26

So what does she tell her then Born?

VinegarDrinker Thu 23-May-13 11:12:44

Are there really (non SEN) 5 year olds who don't understand the days of the week and school days vs weekends?

Anyway, for those asking what would happen to the toddler, the OP clearly says she would choose a day that the DP is off work so he can look after the younger one.

Still don't understand why it can't be done in half term - you have prebooked tickets for day trips for every single one of those 9(?) days away? Really?!

And I maintain as I said upthread that she would benefit much more from regular time with you, OP, rather than big schemes. I agree that if she has 5 days of after school activities at age 5 that seems a tad excessive. I would drop some of those before dropping school.

ephemeralfairy Thu 23-May-13 11:13:12

I had a day off once when I was about 10 to go to an exhibition of Monet paintings at the Royal Academy. It was a bit of a one-off as it was the first time for ages that such a wide collection of paintings had been together in one place I think. My dad had died the year before so I think it was one of the first times that my mum and I had been together just the two of us, doing something nice purely for the sake of it. School were fine about it as they recognised the academic and pastoral importance of such a trip!
It makes me smile just thinking about it.

DewDr0p Thu 23-May-13 11:13:13

A few points are confusing me!

I don't understand who will be looking after the baby during the sickie if the baby can't be left with anyone else on a weekend day or in school holidays?

I don't understand why it's OK to miss school but unthinkable to skip a non-compulsory after school activity?

I don't understand why you can't plan something during your week's holiday next week?

I stand by what I said earlier OP: if there is an issue with the amount of time your dd gets with you then one day really isn't going to magically fix it. You need to look at your week and find some time to carve out for the two of you on a more regular basis. After school activities are fun but really a 5yo doesn't need to do them every single night.

Having DCs and having to share time with them between work, nursery, school, grandparents, friends etc etc etc - it's just life. Your DD2 will never know a time she hasn't had to share in some way. Your DD1 might miss you but that is life. She is in school now and a day off here and there is not on.
What happens when she really needs a day off (ill, family crisis etc etc)- they might start adding up to more than you'd want.

When my DD starts school in Sept, I will make sure that in school hols, I send DS (17m) to nursery to keep to his routine and so I can have time with DD. Equally, they adore each other so i will take DS out of nursery in school hols occasionally too so they can play together.
DD will also have to spend some of the holidays in holiday club as I work. I'll miss her but this is life.


cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 11:18:23

cut down ona fter school activities and spend those three hours with her eg on tuesdays and thursdays EVERY week not just a one off

if your youngest has severe special needs (other than jsut being "neeedy" ) you can ask for help, respite for her

crashdoll Thu 23-May-13 11:27:39

Lisa it sounds like you really need to start thinking of ways to spend time with your elder DD is you've really not managed to have any quality time with her. Be creative. You don't need a whole day. Have more quality time - but in shorter bursts then neither of you feel deprived. You said your younger DD is high needs, does that mean SN? If so, is there any specialist support you can get? If not, perhaps it's worth looking at other options to get her settled with your DP. I wonder if DD's way of asking you for more time is a way of her saying she does too many after school activities? Not sure how many she does but IME, children do not need constant stimulation after a day of school. They need down time.

I'm not sure why you can manage to get younger DD looked after on a school day but not looked after on the other 12 weeks of a year but that's just me.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 23-May-13 11:37:58

Yes, you probably ARE being unreasonable, but you're going to do it anyway, so why worry? grin

TigerFeet Thu 23-May-13 11:49:54


You want a day off because YOU miss HER, rather than her needing the rest.
If she was struggling with the hours, knackered, not coping etc then fair enough

But this is about you not her.

Can't your dp book an annual leave day for a weekend day instead?

I miss my kids when they're out sometimes but I won't pull a sickie for either myself or them unless one of us is actually ill, I won't pretend that I'm not pleased when I have to keep them off due to post-illness exclusion/inexplicable temperature rise and they're actually fine, but I won't deliberately do it.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 23-May-13 11:50:03


School is optional, but granted not if you are registered.
However, it is the responsibility of a parent to provide the dc with an education as they see fit, they are also responsible for the emotional and physical well being of their dc.
Most people out source their dc education, but its not compulsory to.
So perhaps the OP can exercise her right for just one day, I'm sure she'll gain a lot whilst at home with her mummy.
However, you do need to look for a long term solution to providing for your dds emotional needs.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Thu 23-May-13 11:57:21

FFS it's one day home with Mummy. OP clearly cares about school, her DD has 100% attendance and OP was concerned enough to canvas other parents opinion here.

Some comments are ridiculous. You don't understand children?! How is that called for. Being rude and criticising a woman's parenting skills "you don't understand children very well" over THIS? Really?

And so what if it's more about the OP missing her eldest. I guarantee DD misses her too and it a good thing that her mother wants one on one time, misses her and cares enough to make one on one time happen.

SS are concerned if a parent habitually puts their own needs before a child's. In the context of school this would mean days off because parents can't get up to bring them in or enforce school for an older child. This is flagged by the school for habitual absence. What the OP is suggesting wouldn't even register.

LtEveDallas Thu 23-May-13 12:01:53

OP, I don't understand what you are going to do with your younger DD if you take elder DD out on a school day that you cannot do with younger DD if you take elder DD out during the school hols?

katrinefonsmark Thu 23-May-13 12:03:27

Do it. As above poster says, this isn't habitual. You have genuine personal reasons which mitigate the rule flouting.

But she is putting her own needs before her child IMO

And, sorry but having a day off school is not the way to make her dd feel "special". That would be to organise one to one time more than one day off school if this time is so important to the OP.

Because what happens in a few months time, when she hasn't had any "one to one" time since the last day off?

It makes no sense to me, sorry.
If you "miss" your child and do not feel as of you spend enough "special" time with them you look at your life. And see what you can do to change it.
You drop one after school club and spend time together then. You arrange time in the holidays when there's someone to look after the other child. Surely that's just what every one else does?

PearlyWhites Thu 23-May-13 12:14:40

No yanbu at all quality time is very important it will hardly affect her gcse results.

TigerFeet Thu 23-May-13 12:16:46

It sounds to me as if you have too many organised activities outside school. Why not cut back on those a bit and spend one on one time with your dd then? Make it a regular thing, timetable it round your dp's shifts if it helps.

Are you really so booked up on holiday that you don't have a single day that your dp can take the baby and you can take dd? There isn't one day upon which you don't have a booked and paid for activity? If that's the case then I think you need to rethink your holiday time as well.

I can see the pov of "she's only little" "it's only one day" "she's only in reception" but where do you draw the line? IMO it's easier to set the rules out from the start so that you don't have to explain why it's OK this year but not next or the one after.

I say all this as someone who has taken dd1 out of school for a week on two occasions (3 years apart), both with good reason behind them. Both absences were authorised by the school. It won't happen again as she's Y4 now and would miss a lot, and last time she reacted badly when she went back.

redskyatnight Thu 23-May-13 12:27:10

OP - I have 2 children. I have NEVER had a day alone with either child, since the 2nd one was born. That's the norm for most families with more than 1 child.

My DC do get regular one to one time - but the other child is always about - doesn't meant it can't be "quality time".

I'm wondering if the issue isn't really your 2nd child, but more that you miss the days you spend with your older DD before she started school? I think that's a very natural reaction and lots of mums feel bereft when their PFBs move to spending the whole day with them to spending a lot of it at school/on other interests.

Doesn't mean that you should consider taking her out of school to spend such a day. Like others, I suspect if you start doing it, it will become a regular event - and that's not good for her long term education.

Floggingmolly Thu 23-May-13 12:34:29

She knows school isn't optional. Do you?

Love how most people are fine with a seven year old being taken out of school for a weeks holiday, but there is abject horror at one day off for a five year old!

Not sure what I would do tbh.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 12:49:02

That's what I thought Jackie. There's a thread running where pretty much everyone is in agreement that a week is fine with many even suggesting that the OP calls her dc in sick and no one seems to have an issue with it.

You just got unlucky on here OP, I think there has been badgering and close to bullying posts on this thread actually.

2rebecca Thu 23-May-13 12:50:04

If you won't leave your youngest ever with a babysitter because she'll get upset then you are making life hard for yourself. If you had to work your youngest would have to go to a childminder or nursery. Small kids sometimes get upset, it usually doesn't last long, particularly if there is no reason for them to get upset.
Is the youngest really "needy" ie has special needs/ a major health issue or just clingy and "wanty"? If the latter then maybe more time away from her so she realises other people are OK may help things. The wants of a youngest child don't always have to come before the wants of an older child.
It sounds as though you're maybe reluctant to let go of your children if you have only recently started to trust your 1 year old's father to look after her alone.

QueenCadbury Thu 23-May-13 12:51:45

If you can really say hand on heart that this is day off is needed for her emotional well being then do it. But be honest with the school about it nd don't lie. It will probably go down as unauthorised absence although if you speak to the head beforehand and explain the importance then they may authorise it. If however this is for your emotional well being and you could sort other time out to spend time with her then yabu.

There have been lots of other good suggestions on here but you don't seem to want to consider them. I agree with others that you need to make regular time and if tht means cutting back on after school activities then do that. Dp must get some time off during the week so go out after school or breakfast before school. Like others I don't understand why you can't do it next week in half term. Also if you're planning on a day in June, can you really not wait until July when DP has a weekend off?

I have 3dc, the eldest 2 are at school so they don't get any 1:1 time with me but that's life. They have to learn to share me.

I think if you don't get something regular sorted then dd may well expect the day off school whenever she wants mummy time and won't necessarily understand why she can't have it.

Sgt glad I wasn't the only one who read that thread as well!

jackie for me,taking a 7 year old on a family holiday during term time is very likely to be a one off.
In the OPs case, unless she makes changes in her life and takes on board some alternative suggestions, she is always going to miss her daughter and want one to one time with her, because apparently there's no time to do this ever, apart from school time.

So surely her dd will love spending these days off with mum, mum will think it's the only chance she ever has to do it and both will want it to continue.

IMO there's a difference between a family holiday, in term time, once and wanting a day off to spend time at home, doing stuff you can do during holidays.

ThoughtsPlease Thu 23-May-13 13:14:37

I may have missed this, I admit that I haven't read all the pages, but OP what are you proposing to say to the school about why she is absent?

And what would you say to DD about why she was having a day off school?

TigerFeet Thu 23-May-13 13:31:44

JackieTheFart, neither of dd1's absences were "just a family holiday", they were somewhat more than that. They were discussed with the school and authorised. Had we been refused the authorisation I wouldn't have taken her out.

DD's reaction to the second absence means that I won't be doing it again. She was worried about what she'd missed, whether she'd understand what they were doing if she'd missed something important, nervous about starting school again - she's a nervous child anyway and the beginning of every term is difficult for her (she does settle down very quickly but there are usually tears on the way to school on the first day back).

There's a world of difference between a break from school for good reason and a day off on a whim. The OP wants to spend time with her daughter - of course I can understand that - but she needs to find the time outside of school hours, imo. If the OP had said that her daughter wasn't coping and needed time at home to rest, I think the responses would have been very different.

trianglesaregood Thu 23-May-13 13:32:07

YANBU. She is five years old, one day from school won't make a difference. You do need to think about how you deal with it longer term as taking a day off every now and then isn't viable in the long term.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 13:32:51

I honestly don't think we should be answering the OP based on what we think she might do in the future.

sunnybobs Thu 23-May-13 13:37:10

Sounds an excellent idea to me. My mum kept me off most Fridays in reception I was so exhausted and I'm a very responsible, well educated, rarely ever off teacher these days! its hardly going to harm her education or set a long term precedent. She's tiny, needs you & a fun mummy day will be an amazing memory to have forever.

MummytoKatie Thu 23-May-13 14:10:20

I'm amazed at all these 5 year olds who don't know what day is what and what they do on each day.

Dd has just turned 3 and greeted me this morning with "It's Thursday today - Stretch, Stretch and Grow!!!"

Dd knows exactly what days she goes to nursery, what days she has with me (and what we do on those days "but mummy it's Wednesday, why aren't we going to Toddler Time?") and which days are the weekend.

How did you manage to keep them so beautifully in the dark?

(Imagining a Sunday morning when I'm not greeted by a child waving a peppa pig swimming costume and saying "Shall we go swimming then to the pub for Sunday lunch". It sounds very peaceful.)

Floggingmolly Thu 23-May-13 14:15:18

A fun mummy day will be an amazing memory to have forever. hmm
I seriously doubt it, if that were true the rest of the child's life must be exceptionally shit.

arcticwaffle Thu 23-May-13 14:19:17

Actually my 13yo and 9yo often don't know which day it is.

I have some very vague children.

fishandmonkey Thu 23-May-13 14:22:43

flogging - not necessarily - some one-off special days from early childhood do stick in peoples minds and can be memories that are cherished forever, even in normal happy lives.

TigerFeet Thu 23-May-13 14:29:16

I really don't think that one on one time with an individual parent should be a "special day". If the OP feels so strongly about spending time with her daughter then I think she should be considering cutting back on the dd's schedule a bit and doing just that, on a regular basis.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat Thu 23-May-13 14:50:23

I think you are wrong to think that a one off day is any kind of panacea. Can you not put shorter periods of more regular time into your schedule?

That said, When I was slightly older than your daughter, my father was very ill and my mother was totally bound up in taking care of him. She was able to arrange for a relative to come down for a couple of days and the school let me have them off. I was so grateful for a few days of having my mum. But we did it with permission (don't know if these days they'd be as willing).

MummytoKatie Thu 23-May-13 15:11:30

arctic Well that's the irony - it always takes me a few minutes to work it out in the mornings. I just figured she was better at it than me as her head isn't as cluttered with "buy milk", "meeting on the 14th", "don't forget MIL's birthday" etc. She beats me at Peppa Pig Pairs these days so it wouldn't surprise me!

Op - how many activities does she do a week? I think you'd be better to building a regular thing where you and she have a few hours together whenever her "evenings off" are the same day as your partners day off. Then she can anticipate and look forward to them but also know that they will happen regularly.

Or if she is doing lots and lots of things maybe it is time to cut down. About 6 months ago I realised that I was spending my days off with dd telling her to hurry up, get in the car / buggy, get out of the car / buggy, stop dawdling, we were going to be late etc etc before driving like Jensen Button / running like Jess Ennis to whatever activity we were (always) late for. And then I cut down what she did. She does miss some of the activities I think but she now gets to potter around playing with her toys and when we met up with friends for lunch and one of them said " shall we go to the new ice cream shop for pudding" she got to sit out in the sunshine coating her face with eating chocolate ice cream on the one sunny day this year rather than have to race off to Mini Musicians

Admittedly she's a bit younger than your dd.

everlong Thu 23-May-13 15:13:47

Well I suppose you could but I don't see why you should tbh.

It's half term and you're all going away next week.

School isn't optional.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 15:20:32

School is optional actually, that's why some people HE and by law are allowed to do so.

No the OP is not HEing but it's inaccurate to say its not optional.

School is not optional once you have registered at a school and sent your child there for the best part of a year is it?
I mean, surely you can't just invoke the "actually, school is optional" rule whenever you feel like it?

Otherwise there would be no unauthorized absences, no fines, no worries about taking your children out of a school for a day whenever you feel like it?

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 15:46:14

I think you can actually, within reason, at that age.

School is optional, education is not. If the OP feels there is value in her 5 year old child being out of school for the odd day, then yes in that case I believe it's optional.

VinegarDrinker Thu 23-May-13 15:48:36

She isn't talking about taking her out for educational reasons though.

So why are there unauthorized abscences then? If it is not compulsory to attend the school you are registered at, why on earth is there education attendance officers and people being fined in court?

everlong Thu 23-May-13 15:52:20

I'm not sure you're right on that Calhoun. Once they're in school they're in school.

landrover Thu 23-May-13 16:02:34

FGS its one day!! get a grip everyone, child won't have a clue! parent and child will love it1!! reception class does bloody naff all most days anyway, then they are in school for the next 14 years, get a grip people! so what if it is for the parents sake!!!!!!!

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 16:02:40

I think the odd day out at the parents discretion for tiredness or bonding time is and should be at the discretion of the parent. It's remarkably easy to withdraw your child from school you know, it's only on here that everyone makes a big meal out of it, ranting about it being compulsory. It's not. I agree do one or the other and commit to that but if you choose the "school" route I do not think that one day off a term for five year olds is an issue and neither do any of the education professionals have known.

I also find it quite amusing how this obsession with attendance diminishes and ways round it can be found when nuisance SEN kids are involved. I was regularly asked to keep my ds with ASD home when there were "stressful" ofsted inspections days happening. Somehow his attendance wasn't an issue then.

So I am sorry but I am just not able to get worked up about it. Believe me the school do not care about your child being there as much as you do.

landrover Thu 23-May-13 16:04:40

I am truly amazed at people saying create a precedent!!! fgs its reception!!!!

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 16:06:16

"dangerous" precedent in one post grin

everlong Thu 23-May-13 16:07:11

Landrover chill with all the !!!!!!!

Well, yes create a precedent.

Because the OP has already said that there is no other time she can spend with her dd. so she takes her out of school, they both love it, 3 months later she is back in the same position. Or dd wants a day off to spend time with mum because it was ok last year so why isn't it ok this year.

That's the precedent.

pinkdelight Thu 23-May-13 16:17:54

Haven't read all eleven (!) pages but has anyone suggested the DP taking a day off at the weekend so OP can have one-to-one time with DD? I know they're on hol next week so presume that he's able to take time off. And it'd be better to use one of his days off rather than missing school. Although I'm not sure about the precedent thing, there is still the underlying sense that school isn't a big deal, seeing as the OP seems tp favour skipping school for a day rather than any of the other options.

crunchbag Thu 23-May-13 16:20:32

I don't have a problem with having a 'duvet day' for an infants school age child now and again especially when it's a long term, but to do it the day before half term when you have planned a family holiday seems very strange.

And if you really haven't had 1to1 time with DD for 15 months, one day is not going to magically make that better. You need to do better than that.

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 16:25:34

get a grip people! so what if it is for the parents sake

I didnt quote the many exclamations marks there were OTT, so if it is for a parents sake what if the parent feels they are lonley on another day then maybe a week , etc etc , taking a child out of school to spend time with the one to one is rather odd the child is obviously missing some time with her mum but I do think it is too needy and the OP (who hasn't come back ) will have to reschedule her time better,

louisianablue2000 Thu 23-May-13 16:27:42

Do it! I had an accidental home day with DD1, she'd been a bit poorly at the weekend so when she woke up on the Monday and said she didn't want to go to school because she felt rotten I accepted it (she loves school and had never asked for a day off before) and kept her home. By 10am she was fine (the power of breakfast and calpol) so we had a nice relaxed morning at home. She did flake out in the afternoon so I think she wasn't 100% but these things can be difficult to call sometimes. But maybe I'm not the best person to ask since I took her out when my family came down from Scotland during the Scottish October break. I reckon she got as much education out of our days out as she would have at school.

landrover Thu 23-May-13 16:27:56

Sorry for all
the !!!!

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 16:28:03

one day is not going to magically make that better. You need to do better than that.

^ ^ this making a special day in over a year isn't going to make the girl very happy yes I know children are tiring but there is 5 years between these children surely the OP can make time for her eldest dd it doesn't need to be a special day, and it might send out a message that the sister is a nuiscence which she isn't

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 16:28:36

Sorry for all
the !!!!

tis ok they were a wee bit dramatic though grin

Floggingmolly Thu 23-May-13 16:29:27

Have you actually explained yet, op, why the holiday in half term you're all going on won't be enough? Why can't your dh take the baby one day during the holiday to let the bonding session take place?
Taking a day off school is not literally the only chance you'll get, it just for some reason seems the easiest option.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 16:34:34

I think there's far too much worrying about creating precedents (dangerous or otherwise) in day to day parenting and that fear prevents us from enjoying our kids AND life!

Kids aren't little dangerous animals that must be contained and controlled at all costs. Most children I know are perfectly capable of recognising that something is a one off and not often repeated.

What are you all so scared of? A tantrum when she decides she might fancy staying at home today? I have never experienced this. They don't seem to need it explaining that this is a one off and won't be happening again.

All this caution about parenting to prevent a problem in the future. It's so bloody stressful. Just deal with things as they arise and do what feels right.

jacks365 Thu 23-May-13 16:38:29

Molly a few have asked questions which haven't been answered and any suggestions for ways of making time got dismissed which is why some of us doubt this will be a one off or for the childs sake.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 16:39:23

OFFS she's 5 years old and needs her mummy. Take the day off. And more if you want to, you have my blessing anyway, fwiw.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 16:41:58

She'll remember that day forever, I would have done anything as a child to have my mother spend time with me. She worked full time and I only saw her when she was tired or busy.

Yonihadtoask Thu 23-May-13 16:43:41

I think OP YABU to want your DD to take a day off school because you miss her.

School is only 6 hours per day. Get up early - have a nice breakfast and walk before school. Do something after school - 3.15pm finish? That leaves 4 hours or so before bedtime. Plenty of time for a nice trip out somewhere - the park etc.

School isn't optional. What happens when she grows up and gets a job. just doesn't fancy going in today? Day off?


It's half term next week, then in another 6 weeks or so it's the main school summer holidays. Plenty of time then to do family activities.

calhoun maybe the reason you have never experienced a tantrum or not wanting to go to school is that one day is not the only "special time" you spend with your children in 15 months?

The OP has said this is the case for her, she hasn't had any one to one time with her daughter for 15 months. So to me, if that's the case, it seems logical that the dd will want this time again and again. And apparently the OP cannot provide this at any other time. Not during family holidays, weekends, after school.

OnTheNingNangNong Thu 23-May-13 17:03:46

Invest with a sling then do what you need to at the weekend.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 17:04:57

She's 5. It really doesn't matter, it's about pros and cons for you.

From what you have said you both need each other, have had a difficult time and this is the only way round it. The benefits far outweigh the costs to her education or potential lack of future work ethic.

PaperSeagull Thu 23-May-13 18:05:10

I think some of the posts on this thread have been rather OTT. One day at home for a 5-year-old is hardly the end of the world. If it seems important to do this as a one-off, why not?

OTOH, I don't fully understand why you feel it is important, OP. What exactly can you do only during a school day spent at home that you couldn't do after school (since your DP will have many weekdays off and can look after your younger DD then)? Why can't you cancel some of the after-school activities once or twice and enjoy that time with your DD then?

everlong Thu 23-May-13 18:26:53

Haha wonderingagain that's ok then hmm

TwasBrillig Thu 23-May-13 19:07:41

I missed why she couldn't spend any time with her daughter at the moment or why she couldn't have a half day with her next week? Having some one on one time while on holiday would be a lovely way te bond!

At 5 is she doing activities every single day?!

Thymeout Thu 23-May-13 19:11:49

OP still hasn't answered the questions about what excuse she is going to give the school, and what she expects DD to say if/when someone asks her why she was off.

One day off for one child may seem unimportant. But schools tend to see it differently because attendance figures affect Ofsted ratings. And it's a sllppery slope from turning a blind eye to one mother's bonding needs hmm to another mother's can't be arsed to get out of bed in time.

crashdoll Thu 23-May-13 19:55:56

"She'll remember this day forever" is a load of sentimental crap! Do what you like, keep your child off school but don't try to justify it by pretending it's a once in a lifetime experience.

lljkk Thu 23-May-13 20:14:13

I used to have one or 2 mental health days off school every year, I now think my mom (always worked FT, too, I suspect she was pulling sickies herself) just booked them in so we could spend a bit of time together.

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 20:15:34

of making time got dismissed which is why some of us doubt this will be a one off or for the childs sake.

I was going to say something along those lines tbh a lot of us are baffled why a day off would be needed I know the little girl is maybe feeling a bit left out because her sister takes up to much time, blah blah

but a 'special day' is way to over the top if this was a we are going away for the weekend some posters would say yeah keep her off school it is only a day etc
but to keep a child off to spend the day with them and make them feel special and wanted imo is needy and selfish probably on the mothers part to relieve some guilt which is sad,

it is easy to manage time to spend with children even large families manage I do think by the op the little girl is doing far too much after school and this is partly the reason the mum wants to take this day off , manage time and spend time with your child , keep her off if you like tbh it really makes no odds to any of the posters but really what happens when she feels a bit neglected next time, this little girl is in school her mum can't clutch her to her busom every time she feels sad about not spending time with her child,

mrsjay Thu 23-May-13 20:19:44

She'll remember that day forever

no she wont will she say at 25 oh i remember the day my mum took me out of school no she won't she will remember the time her mum couldnt give what she needed because she was busy with her sister and after school clubs. sorry i sound harsh but really she will remember it forever hmm

Floggingmolly Thu 23-May-13 20:24:21

What are you planning to do on this special day that she'll remember forever?????? The holiday will have a hard act to follow, obviously.

IfNotNowThenWhen Thu 23-May-13 20:50:56

I have done this once or twice when both ds and I were frazzled. Nobody died. We went to the seaside for the day, and did maths games on the train!Small children have years of the sausage factory ahead of them, years to conform and obey.
Every now and then its good for the ( and you, because you matter too) too say " fuck it. Lets break the rules a little bit".
But, in the future, maybe can some of the after school activities, and let dd relax a bit?

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 20:52:45

Jeez I've never seen such highly hoiked judgy pants as on this thread.

OK she's only five she may not remember it forever, but you will and I do believe she will get a lot out of it. One to one time with Mummy is hard to find in your household and if taking a day off is the only way you can manage it, what with both of you doing shifts in order to cover duties, so be it.

OP do what you feel is right for you.

crashdoll Thu 23-May-13 21:03:21

I only got judgey because OP cannot be arsed to listen to suggestions to making more time for her DD in the longterm which suggests that this may not be a one-off. I also wonder if this day off is about the OP or the child.

Oblomov Thu 23-May-13 21:05:16

Why hasn't op answered the q about sn? Op is a parent who lives through her child. I think it is selfish self indulgent parenting.

MarnieMadden Thu 23-May-13 21:22:25

I just don't understand this way of thinking at all, keeping child off school to have bonding time. What's wrong with weekends, after school, up coming half term holidays?
I think you need to organise your time between your children better, rather than keep your daughter off school. As an eldest daughter myself, I never felt like I needed a day off school without my sister there, to have some quality time with my mam.
I'm sorry but if school is open, and your child isn't physically unwell then that's where she should be.

dearcathyandclare Thu 23-May-13 21:30:12

I did this with my son when he was in reception, went up to London for a ' mummy day' without his sisters, visited a gallery, drew lots of pictures and he did some of his first ever real writing. He still remembers that special day out of school and no it did not set a precedent or ruin his attitude to school. He is in year 10 now but for both of us it feels like yesterday.
My view, go for it and trust your instincts as a parent.

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 23-May-13 21:53:32

Op hasn't been around for a while!

Why not just book a day of holiday instead of being dishonest?

I'm a teacher too, and it makes me laugh when people say they do bugger all in reception. They are learning more in FS/key stage 1 than at any other time in their school careers, IMO. Eg how to actually read and write, add up, socialise, deal with others, etc etc. We lay the foundations.

LittleLisa78 Thu 23-May-13 22:09:29

OP back.

We have dropped an activity to have regular time alone but it's only once every 6 weeks or so that DP has that day off. The things she wants us t do are local/home based so can't do them on holiday. Younger DDs SN have made her difficult for DP to care for, it isn't that he hasn't tried. Elder DD sometimes has night terrors during which she's been sick before but previously I've still sent her to school the next day as knew she didn't have germs. However technically school have a 48 hours off after sickness policy so could utilise that and DD wouldn't be lying to anyone. Black holes - I agree that they learn lots at this age but she's a year ahead in reading alone so don't think she'd be affected by one day, during which time she wants to do some educational things one on one which is more than she'd get to do at school

LtEveDallas Thu 23-May-13 22:12:03

Ok OP, so why can't you do whatever it is during half term?

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:14:14

All this talk of "it's ok if the kid is the kid is ahead with school work" is a poor argument

when your daughter has a day off for fuck-all reasons, a teacher has to spend precious time filling in that gap...thus taking away input from other kids

thus doubling your selfishness with the "but I wanttttt tooooooo" wailing

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:14:37

is the kid

sunnybobs Thu 23-May-13 22:17:31

What astounds me is how irate people are getting on this thread about 1 day off for a 5 year old & yet there's a thread in chat about taking 2 children out for a week at the end of the summer holidays which is almost universally people saying "go!" It's like an alternative mumsnet universe. And the situation is the same - family time with mum or family time as a holiday. I'd take her myself OP & enjoy the day & then if she needed it again take her out again. It isn't actually going to create a lifelong dangerous precedent or damage her educational opportunities.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 22:23:18

That's good that you can drop an activity. It's tricky at that age when they are often signed up to after school things, then at home there's just about enough time for tea and bath.

If your youngest has SN you should try and get respite care from your local disabled childrens team, or SEN service. You have to push but they are given plenty of government money to provide it so dont't be afraid to ask.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 22:26:17

OP get yourself over to the other thread about taking a whole week off with much advice about fibbing about it too. You'll get a much more pleasant reception smile.

DaveMccave Thu 23-May-13 22:27:50

Oh she's only in reception, do it. I did it a few times when dd was the same age, she spends the weekend at her fathers and everywhere is so busy in school holidays, so very occasionally I'd keep her off and let her have a lie in, then we'd have a lovely day at an empty zoo or museum just us. Do what benefits your daughter most, not what keeps offsted happy. They start school far too young in this country imo.

LittleLisa78 Thu 23-May-13 22:28:30

Precisely, sunny, thank you. I posted a while back about her dad wanting her to miss a day of school so he could travel back from a weekend away on a Monday instead of 'getting stuck in traffic' on a Sunday - also known as because he wanted an extra night of drinking as they were leaving at 9am so wouldn't get to do anything extra on weekend away. I was categorically informed that not only was I being unreasonable for not wanting her to miss school for that reason but that I was a contact blocking bitch and bonding time with her father was more important

Bobyan Thu 23-May-13 22:28:38

What Anyfucker said, as usual grin

morethanpotatoprints Thu 23-May-13 22:31:20


Totally agree there, my dd has come on leaps and bounds in one year of H.ed
DD can do in 2 hours what would take all day in school.
IMO, school is over rated grin

Thymeout Thu 23-May-13 22:32:12

No it isn't the same. The OP wants to take her child out of school to do what could and should be part of a normal routine.

And I don't see how she can do this without lying and making her daughter complicit in that.

LittleLisa78 Thu 23-May-13 22:34:11

So AF, there's been a girl in DD's class who only went back today from Easter half term because she has excema. Should I have a go at her mum for all the filling in the gaps the teacher is going to have to do which, by your logic, will detract from DD's education?

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:34:16

You are axe grinding about previous threads, lisa ?

Gosh, why are you still trying to justify are certainly digging deep. I thought you had already made your mind up you were going to keep your child off school so you could bond with her (while simltaneously layering her up for 3 hour stretches with pointless after school activities 4-5 days a week)

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 22:34:44

I'm puzzled as to why anyone who thinks "school is overrated" isn't home-schooling their child.

Why put your child through 14 years of something you don't value?

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:35:58

lisa...what do you make of the logic of the saying "two wrongs don't make a right" ?

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Thu 23-May-13 22:36:56

Fuck me sideways I didn't think this thread could get anymore ridiculous. OP were I you I wouldn't bother justifying or defending your completely understandable decision because some posters on here are going to enjoy whipping themselves up into judgemental hysteria no matter what you say.

I have a two and half year old and a baby, I miss my two year old because I am very busy with my ebf baby and although I see him every day and do fun things when baby sleeps my eldest was my only for a two years and I miss whole days of uninterrupted time when we decided what to do based on his enjoyment. It sounds like the OP and her little girl miss this too. And that's OK.

You are not a selfish parent. I hope the insanity on this thread has not upset you too much. Don't let it spoil a lovely idea.

<bangs head on table again in disbelief>

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 22:37:00

Just this once I shall agree with the home educators. grin

LittleLisa78 Thu 23-May-13 22:37:08

Potato prints - I would love to home educate and think DD would excel. Would seriously consider doing it once younger DD is older but not sure eldest DD's dad would agree

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 22:38:56

No I didn't mean you should home educate... please don't!

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:40:17

home educate

or state educate

pissing around between the two is not justified because it fucks up other people's education

LittleLisa78 Thu 23-May-13 22:45:23

Extra curricular activities aren't pointless; they improve her confidence, give her new friends, keep her fit and heaven forbid ...she enjoys them!

Exactly, northwards. Just because I see DD every day it isn't the same now we have younger DD. I can't just cuddle up for a story when we'd both like to etc and forever feel like elder DD is having to make sacrifices for younger DD. She doesn't complain about that but I kind of feel like that's why she deserves some special time even more

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 22:47:31

Theyoni, I don't think anyone said the OP is selfish, did they?

I just think most posters can't understand why half-term can't be used a bit more creatively to give her the (extra) one-to-one time she seems to need.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:48:22

hours and hours of extra curricular activities for a 5yo "starved" of her mother's attention (as you are trying to convince us) is what I would call pointless

mydadsdaughter Thu 23-May-13 22:50:12

Haven't read all the posts but no yaNbu unreasonable, have a great day together, enjoy yourselves, no harm is going to come from missing one day off school

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 22:51:56


^ that

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 22:53:39

I think you're being a very good mother, LittleLisa. You want to make sure both of your children are getting what they need.

Rhonda yes Oblomov said she was selfish.

AF it won't harm anyone else's education, it is just as likely to make it better. A child with more confidence, a greater sense of security and self esteem might enhance the classroom.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:56:07

oh give over, WA, you are stretching credulity now

a little girl wandering round the classroom telling lies her mother put her up to because of her own neediness is hardly likely to enhance anyone's else's education

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 22:57:54

by that logic, every snot nosed kid whose mother can't be arsed to get up on a monday morning is dragging every other child up to genius standard

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 22:58:15

Oh ok wondering, I skipped a couple of pages as everyone seemed to be saying what a lovely idea it was for OP to take her DD out of school for her own needs, not her DD's.

Maybe the comment was on one of those pages.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 22:59:05

AnyFucker, you're on fire tonight!

Can I have a pint of what you're having?

Jan49 Thu 23-May-13 23:00:35

Why not use the half term holiday to spend some one to one time with her whilst your DP is with your younger DD? Then spend more one to one days with your DD in the summer holidays on days when your DP is off work and can look after your youngest and use those to do the things close to home that your DD really wants to do. Cut down on extra-curriculum activities to spend more time with her. I can't believe that you spend every moment after school having to do things with your youngest and not able to give your older DD attention. If the only time after school that you spend not doing something with the youngest is spent doing things like preparing a meal, then have an easy meal or a picnic type meal prepared so you can spend some of the time with your DD instead.

I don't think having one day off school is the answer if your DD really needs and isn't getting any one to one time. It's just not enough.

I'm a bit puzzled that you're willing to take your DD out of school for a day but seem to be saying you haven't kept her off school when she's been ill. I don't think missing one day will do any harm to her schooling but it would be a little awkward if it came out that on the day she was"off sick" she was seen at an activity with you or she realised she'd missed something they did at school and she didn't even know she'd missed a day's school. Or if a stranger comments when you're out with her. One of my friends has a child at a religious school which ends early one day a week and has been hassled by strangers disapproving because they think her child should be at school.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:02:47

rhonda, a pint of what I am having would put you on your back

and you definitely wouldn't get up for the school run in the morning wink

Xmasbaby11 Thu 23-May-13 23:03:04

One day together is just one day. If you don't see enough of each other on your own, you need to change your routine.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:04:23

AF OP is not telling lies, she's lying to her daughter so dd won't have to lie to the teacher. That's responsible parenting, she's sacrificing her own credulity for the sake of her child. She's telling her she is ill, when she kind of is, really.

I like to look at the positives. grin

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:05:08

no, her daughter is not ill

op might be though

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:05:19

AF *DD is not telling lies...

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:06:08

She is, but she's not sure if she will be tomorrow and it could be construed that she is.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 23:06:13

Make it a pint and a chaser then, AnyFucker.

Xmasbaby11, you've hit the nail on the head.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:06:27

Ill, that is.

ThoughtsPlease Thu 23-May-13 23:07:07

OP I see that you say you posted a while ago complaining that her dad wanted her to miss school so he could have a longer weekend with her, but now you want her to miss school so you can spend more time with her? Presumably you do spend more time with her than he does anyway?

Double standards?

Oh and have you asked her dad if it is ok, seeing as you wouldn't allow him to do it?

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 23:07:37

"She's lying to her daughter ...that's responsible parenting."


wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:08:37

Xmasbaby she has changed her routine, but it doesn't buy them much time.

I say she needs respite, but in the meantime, a day off is fine by me.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 23:09:12

Respite? From what? Is her DD disabled?

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:10:04

What do you mean when you say the OP might be ill AF?

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:11:15

I think op may have a very bad case of selfishitis

there is a cure, but it's a very hard pill to swallow....

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:11:38

Her younger dd has SN Rhonda.

Clarabellthecow Thu 23-May-13 23:14:16

No SgtT she said het baby is "high needs" this is not the same as special needs.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 23:15:06

Oh, ok, Sgt, I missed that. The OP just said she was very "full-on", so that SN bit must have been drip-fed later.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 23:16:19

I think all children are "high-needs", aren't they? My two teenagers certainly are grin

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:16:46

In OP's post of 22.09 she mentions her younger dd's "SN" and explains this is why it is difficult for her DP to care for her.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:18:12

Well I would there's definitely a few cases of twatitis going round on this thread.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Thu 23-May-13 23:18:17

Is there a cure for self important obnoxiousness?

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:18:54


wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:19:12

I think we all suffer from selfishitis once in a while.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Thu 23-May-13 23:19:43

SgtCalhoun you are the voice of reason.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:20:26

It can certainly be very contagious

Clarabellthecow Thu 23-May-13 23:22:37

On page she said high needs, then changed it to sn.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Thu 23-May-13 23:23:12

Stone her!!

Clarabellthecow Thu 23-May-13 23:23:19

Page five I mean

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:26:50

Sadly I don't think there is a cure theyoni sad. It's seems to have become increasingly prevalent due to a steady cross contamination of arselickingitus.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 23-May-13 23:28:52

As someone said way back, OP has already decided.

Not wasting any more time on this.

Thymeout Thu 23-May-13 23:29:06

I think OP's DP is able to care for younger DD now. Or surely there'd be no point in keeping DD1 off school, because OP would still have to split her attention.

OP - why don't you just ask the school? If you've got a good case, they could authorise an absence. And you wouldn't have to lie.

If you haven't, perhaps they could explain to you better than we can why attendance rules exist and how they are for the benefit of all children.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:29:17

Stone her at the school gates and put her daughter in the naughty corner for a week.

Does anyone still do 'lines' as a punishment these days?

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:30:41

No mutual arse licking going on here, no sirree grin

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:33:41

Lines! What an arse punishment that was.

Why did we think it was quicker to write the first word a hundred times, then the second and so on?

Or was that just me?

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Thu 23-May-13 23:39:11

Yes! Lines!

OP must write

"I must not let my 5 year old miss a day of school because I am needy, selfish, lie and don't justify my thinking to a load of irritated posters on mumsnet in a timely enough manner"

100 times. On this thread. NOW!

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:40:12

That was inventive SgtCalhoun, I didn't think of that. I think I quite enjoyed doing lines actually.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:42:55

Did someone really accuse AF of arselickingitus?

I'm actually quite worried now.

Bumbez Thu 23-May-13 23:44:24

I am 46, when I was 6 my parents let me have a day off school as my dad had the day off . It was a beautiful day. We went for a picnic played rounders and sunbathed . It's up there in one of my top lovely memories of childhood iyswim.

It never happened again.

If it doesn't become a habit yabu op

Bumbez Thu 23-May-13 23:44:48

Sorry yanbu

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:44:55

No I did not accuse AF.

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 23:47:46

Phew. It must have been some misunderstanding...

Thank you Bumbez for your supportive post. smile I told you doubters that she would remember it forever. How you laughed. How wrong you were.

FourLittleDudes Thu 23-May-13 23:49:44

I would do it.

Infact I did do it a couple of weeks ago, I let ds1&2 have the day off school to come for a picnic in the park, the weather was gorgeous and we had a lovely day. They are (were, there has been a birthday since) 9 and 10 and I don't get to spend much time doing nice stuff with them especially with a baby and toddler - and as a single parent I don't have the option of leaving the younger ones to do stuff with the older ones. I could've waited until the weekend but it was a spur of the moment thing. Plus shoot me now it was during SATs revision week, ds1 was stressed about revising for his meaningless exams, I don't think he will look back in a months time and think i really wish I hadn't had that one day off school but he will probably remember eating ice cream and having a lovely day out as a family. He starts senior school this year, and I wouldn't take him out for the day or have term time holidays then but one day during primary school isn't going to matter.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 23:52:35

You're brave fourlittledudes batten down the hatches!

FourLittleDudes Fri 24-May-13 00:01:03

I know, I'm feeling reckless. I just think that life is to stressful to be torturing myself over the guilt of them missing one day of school, and they are far to young to be stressing over exams that mean absolutely nothing when you look at the bigger picture, never have I heard of anyone being asked what their SAT score was at age 10 during a college or work interview. I want to enjoy my children whilst I can, plus it was educational, they learnt about structures when building sandcastles, physics - how heat turns an ice cream from one state into another when it melted and I let them choose and pay for their own donuts and spend the change so we got maths in there too.

2rebecca Fri 24-May-13 08:22:57

I wonder if the special time with mummy idea has come across because the daughter's parents are divorced. When we were growing up the idea of special time with a parent alone didn't happen, there were 3 of us, as the eldest child I just accepted I was at school whilst my mum was at home with the youngest 1 or 2 and when i was at home so were other sibs and usually dad.
If she has time alone with her dad on alternate weekends that is maybe where the idea came from.
I still wonder if the youngest father is particularly useless or the OP rather clingy that the father hasn't been able to cope with a needy 1 year old.
I can't imagine an illness that would have made me decide my ex never got to look after his kids alone or where he could opt out. The child is only 1. If it cries or poos or shouts more than usual why can't a man cope with this as well as a woman? There are only so many ways in which a 1 year old can be difficult to look after, i wouldn't have thought there was anything magical about being female for dealing with any of them.

SgtTJCalhoun Fri 24-May-13 08:30:48

Not sure why special time not happening when we were kids is particularly relevant tbh. There were a lot of ideas about parenting back then that we don't subscribe to now.

A lot of posters are relating times where they had these special times with their parents and it seems to be overwhelmingly positive. It's also advised in many parenting manuals.