Sorry, another parking one. Who is being unreasonable here?(89 Posts)
We have lived in our house for 8 years. Small cul-de-sac with some parking at the end near our house. For all the time we have lived here, DH and I have parked in the same spots- in the 2 spaces nearest the houses. Never has there been any trouble with parking.
New neighbours have just moved in next door and suddenly I have been pushed out of my parking space. The bloke asked me earlier if I could move my car over so his wife could park nearest the house, as it is easier for them to get the young kids out of the car.
I did move it, but when his wife came home I went out and said I felt it was a bit off to suddenly be asked to park elsewhere just because they wanted that space. They argued that it was because of getting the kids in and out (baby and 3 year old), and said as mine are older (5) it is easier for me to park over the other side of the close.
I realise this sounds extremely petty, and there is no reason that I can't park elsewhere. It is after all a public road, and no one owns the spaces. It just really annoys me that I have been pushed out of my parking space by people who have only lived here a week. I wouldn't dream of moving into a new street and turfing someone else out of a space they had parked in for 8 years.
So, am I being unreasonable to feel so put out by this? Or are the new neighbours unreasonable for coming in and disrupting our long standing parking arrangements?
Chocolate and wine for anyone who hasn't yet died of boredom!
public street is first come first served. 'Seniority' isn't relevant.
Um, personally it wouldn't bother me, because I can't generally be arsed to argue with neighbours; one day you may need them to take a parcel in/give you a jump start/feed the cat.
Sorry - I can see why you're miffed and nobody likes change etc but I think you're being a bit unreasonable here. A toddler and a baby trumps a five year old in terms of getting out of a car as close as possible to your house.
If they just moved in they don't know you have parked there for 8 years. They probably think that doing what ever is best for everyone is best.
YABU, sorry. They don't have any reason to think about it the way you do.
The way they see it, they've moved in, there are unassigned spaces, they have politely asked you to move your car and you seemed ok with it ... how are they to know you're territorial about it?
Where do you want them to park? If it's further away from their place, I think the only fair thing is just to let whoever gets there first park there, and accept that your neat arragements have been disrupted, which is one of those things that happens sometimes.
Well the spot doesn't belong to anyone, so if it's empty she can park there, and if you are in it she can't.
They knew they had kids, maybe they should have found a house with off road parking if they are that worried about it.
Also, why do you and your partner get both of the closest spaces?
First come first served. No-one owns the space, so it's a case of whoever gets there first gets the space. Having young children and a baby doesn't give them a right to the space - as Squinkie says, they should have gone for a house with private parking if it meant that much to them.
mmm difficult one. You don't want to be at war with the neighbours but they were being cheeky to ask you.
I think I'd say that thinking about it, you are not keen for your young children to get wet in the rain or cross over the cul de sac as they are still not old enough to have much road sense. You would have to closely supervise which you wouldn't parking next to your house, so you would prefer not to always park over there. I'd agree first come, first served for the best spot.
YANBU to feel a bit put out that circunstances have changed, but YABU to really mind.
Actually - thinking it about it - if both you and your DH park in the 2 nearest spaces, couldn't he park across the close which would leave a space for your new neighbours?
It is after all a public road, and no one owns the spaces
suddenly I have been pushed out of my parking space
I have been pushed out of my parking space
You are contradicting youself a bit there OP!
YABU but they were u to ask you to move your car too. Its first-come-first-served, so they need to suck it up if they don't get there first.
Its not YOUR parking space! Pick your battles, woman-you are potentially going to have there people as neighbours for a long time, so suck it up and be neighbourly and share the spaces closest to your houses. If your husband doesn't have your child in the car, them he should park in a spot up the road and let you park nearest your home, or vice versa.
Neither of you have a right to that space. If you buy a house without a driveway then you take your chances.
I disagree that a 1yr old and a 3yr old trump a 5yr old in who gets the nearest spot. First come first served.
In answer to why we get the closest spaces- well, that is just how it worked out when we moved in. Everyone always parked in the same spaces, and no one ever parked in anyone elses.
My DH needs to park near the house as he has to plug hoses into his van to fill it with water (he is a window cleaner).
As I said, there is no reason I can't park on the other side of the close. But equally, so could they, we are only talking a few feet extra to walk here, not exactly far to carry a baby.
I did say I know it's petty. It was more the fact that they asked me to move. I did, because I was so shocked at being asked and couldn't think of any reason to say no. I have just had a really crap day, and to come home and be made to feel that I am in the wrong for not letting them park there just got to me a bit.
I will just park over the other side and let them have the space.
I think they were unreasonable to ask you to move your car and you are unreasonable to think it's your space. I wouldn't move the car again if they ask and just do first come first served. Neither of you have a right to park right near your house or get the other to move your car. If you or the neighbour really want/need to park right outside their house they/you should have brought a house with garanteed parking.
I think you're doing that very classically British thing of being too polite and then seething.
They asked you to move - once.
Next time the space comes free, park right back where you usually do. Eventually you'll both get used to it and either you'll end up swapping between spaces or you'll find it just works out that one or other of you typically gets there at the right time to get the space first.
It's not as if you said 'yes, I will move and I will never park here again', right? So just act as if you thought they meant could you move this once.
First come first served I'd say.
Unless you want to be a pleasant neighbour and give in.
Not sure you should have to though.
Deffo being U we park on road n sometimes someone else is there so we park elsewhere no biggy frustrating with toddler n bags when its much futher away but that's joys of living with open green space to front n no driveways or parking directly outside our house.
They could be your neighbours for next 10-20yrs have them over for bank hol bbq n move on
If anyone came to me to tell me where to park my car I would be pissed off.
Watch yourself OP, they will be telling you what colour to paint your front door next.
I think the only way we are going to avoid bad feeling is for me to just always park over the other side. I think they will just keep asking me to move if I park there, and it will just get everyone more annoyed.
Thanks for all your replies, and I accept that I am being totally unreasonable
it's like that round here, just make sure you get into the space if its free then park elsewhere (and seethe) when it isn't - I completely emphathise with you though, parking is a pita unless it's allocated
let them keep asking and keep on parking in the place you always have if you can
But it is not YOUR parking space, it is not on your land.
It's a free for all, and you should be very lucky you've had 8 years of parking in the same space.
As a compromise, could you agree to park in one of the spaces each? One for you, and your hubby parks further away... and one for them, their other car, if there is one, parks further away.
I think you are being unreasonable otherwise, sorry.
First come, first parked.
And again the next day, and the next.
Op I think the neighbours are being more unreasonable than you.
I don't think you're being totally unreasonable OP.. I completely get your disappointment at the change in things now with the new neighbours...
It would disappoint me too... I think they were pretty direct to ask you straight out to be honest, but maybe I wish I was more like them and actually asked upfront...
Hey ho.. all good things come to an end
See what they say about the compromise?
I would just keep parking there, but DH needs to have his van close to the house. And if I am in my usual space, they will park in his usual space, and then he can't put water in his van.
Have calmed down a bit now, and you are all right, not worth the hassle. Hopefully we will be in a position to move in the not too distant future, and off street parking will be a priority!
I don't think you're being totally unreasonable at all! I think you could probably come to some arrangement whereby you each have one space close to the house, but if that doesn't work then a first come, first served is absolutely fine imo.
I'm very glad we have our own driveway - I would spend my entire life seething at the neighbours otherwise, I think!
Couldn't he move his van down to your house in the morning before work, or in the evening before moving it across the cul-de-sac? A quick double park job - if he doesn't block anyone?
They were being unreasonable to ask youto move. I never get to park in front of my house but I would never have dreamt of going to ask the neighbours to move because I had a baby and a toddler
First come first served, and if they ask you to move again tell them its not convenient.
YABU, it is first come first served.
That said for neighbourly harmony could you not just have one of your cars outside your house, and your other car elsewhere?
That is what me and my hubby do, as we have two cars and my neighbour has just one. So we park one right outside (if there is a space) and the other across the road (where the lady who owns the house doesn't have a car and is happy for people to park there).
Neighbourly relations stay intact and everyone is happy. As a couple we have the car the kids are most frequently in nearest the house.
The parking spaces are unassigned, so they belong to no one.
Your DH wants to plug in his hosepipe, you don't want to cross the road, they don't want to cross the road. All of these are wishes, none of them are rights.
So the only options are:
- free for all
- you discuss and you agree to share (so DH gets the near spot, as do neighbours, and you cross the road)
- you discuss tell them that you won't share - they will either think sod you, and go free for all, or park across the road and seethe.
- you discuss and can't agree to share - ending up in a free for all.
Only option 2 makes any sense.
im in a cul de sac and its a first come first serve basis ,no one has a right to any space , just park the nearest you can , i would never move my car further away for a neighbour to get closer though.
Well, they asked you to move. So it would be reasonable for you to ask that they leave one of the spaces for your DH, so he can fill up his tanks.
Absolutely first come first parked. No-one owns the space. You both acknowledge that it's a public street and no-one has greater rights. Don't move your car for them again, it's really not that much of an issue to get kids out of the car across a quiet cul-de-sac. But if they get there first some days, be graceful about taking your second-choice space.
OP, I hear what you are saying. But having done the 3yo + baby + shopping + change bag trips with a toddler bent on bolting into the road... I think her need may be greater than yours at the moment.
Yes, her DP was forward in asking you. But at the same time, you don't know them well enough to know whether there are any underlying issues, whether mum just isn't coping, etc. It's annoying, but you may be happier in the long run if you assume she really needs the spot and be the bigger person.
Just park where you want to park! You should have said no from the start. But as you didn't, just carry on as before and if they ask again feign ignorance and say you didn't realise they meant permanently. Then whoever gets there first can park there first.
Otherwise, you will end up with them having two children the same age yours are now, and you still feeling like you can't work where you want on a public road, which is ridiculous.
oh mis read op! if there are two spaces you should really expect new neighbours to have one too
Public highway, therefore first come first served. BUT if I came home and noticed she was out I would leave the space near her house as she's got a baby.
<narrows eyes at own neighbours who never extended this courtesy to me>
So they asked you to move there & then so that they could park there-rather than ask if they could use one of the closest spaces in future?
Park where you want to park. If they ask you to move your car, just say politely that you would prefer not to. They can park there if the space is free, just as you can. They are absolutely not entitled to the space by virtue of having younger children.
I think if you've got two cars, and there are two spaces for you and a neighbour, you get to park one near the house and one further away.
Where did the people who owned the house before your neighbours park? Did they have a particular space?
I would say it is first come, first served and take turns where possible.
First come first served would be my view also.
Actually, if there is only convenient space for one car per house and nobody has off-road parking, then you obviously live in a street that isn't suited to anything other than a maximum of one car per household. Therefore YABU, both about the parking and about having two cars in your household.
Instead of getting narked about the situation now you should instead be grateful that you've been lucky enough to have convenient parking for an extra car for the past eight years.
And I say that as someone who lives in a 'only space for a max of one car per household terraced street' next door to a house which doesn't have a proper parking spot in front of it. Right now we are very grateful that the occupants of that house are a no-car-household, although DH does sometimes have to park elsewhere if they have visitors.
First come, first served I think.
Having said that we can't park on our own driveway as our neighbours, who have lived there longer, park their car on their driveway which is directly next to ours and there isn't enough space for our car between theirs and the wall. We have a toddler, they don't. We have to park on the road and walk to the house. Is it fair, arguably not but the fact is they lived here first and it's not their fault that two people carriers can't fit on the driveways.
Next time you have a conversation just state that it should be first come first served. I think YABU to think it is 'your' space but equally I think they are being U asking you to move.
I agree. If you get there and the spot's free, then park there. If they get the first, then they can park there.
Sorry but YABU. Anyone is entitled to park there. Just because you have lived in the street longer does not give your priority.
I know it must be (very) annoying for you, but you can't expect the space to always be there for you. If you are there first though, then don't feel as if you have to park in a further away space because they need that space. Anyone can us it, so if you're there first, then definitely use it.
First come first served, they bought the house with a baby and toddler knowing there was no parking. I wouldn't move again.
I don't understand why you moved it. When someone asked i would have just said 'no, it's parked legally' (which is what i have said when my neighbours want us to move when parked outside their house). First come first served. Just park there and if they ask you again say no with a smile.
They had the temerity to politely ask, rather than just take it over, and they're wrong?
I thought they were being quite reasonable, actually.
Well if there are some houses & some parking spaces I think that most people would assume one space per house, wouldn't they?
It's not that there are only 2 spaces, there is easily space for 5 cars if everyone parks properly. Only 7 houses in street, some without cars, a couple with a drive. The parking is not in marked bays or anything. It is more like a turning circle at the end, with everyone parking in the circle bit. Houses just up one side of the road, and trees on the other side. Our house is at the top end of the circle if that makes sense?
We have been very lucky that parking has not been a problem for so long, but I guess things change. It is not so much that I have to park elsewhere, more the fact that I was just expected to move just because it suited them.
Think I will knock on their door tomorrow, just to say I don't want to fall out over this, and if we all park sensibly there should be room for everyone.
If they aren't allocated bays, first come, first served. I'm sure the extra 6 foot walk won't kill your neighbour, nor you should happen to park there first.
Ditto, if it's a public road, as nice as it is to park outside your house
for convenience, any one who had road tax etc is entitled to park there.
take them round a cake or casserole and be friendly, or invite a few neighbours round to yours and include them so they can get to know you and the other neighbours.
I am on the only one of our neighbours with children. If there is a park outside our house, I take it. If the parks "belonging" to the neighbours are empty, and mine is not, I park further away (where there are no houses) and walk back. Sometimes it is nice to be nice, and life is too short to seethe about parking. If I had heavy bags or extra children, I would take "their" parks and I am sure they would be fine with it (thus far they have been anyway).
If I were you, I would park in the further park whenever it were convenient. Save making things harder for them for when you really have to (weekly shop, packing for a holiday, type ocassions).
If its more important to you that DH can park close to your house then you need to give a bit and park your car a tiny bit further away. rude to hog BOTH spaces closest to the 2 houses all the time.
it is odd they asked you to move
First come first served.
Its not 'your' space but you know that.
They were very cheeky to come and ask you to move your car when they have no claim to the space and could've just parked fractionally further away.
People like this - give them an inch and they'll take a mile.
Yabu have you forgotten how hard it can be to get a baby and a toddler in and out of the car. Also you want to take up two spaces on the same side.
I think you're all totally mad for wanting to pick spaces and stick to them anyway.
We just park in the nearest space free to the house when we arrive home. Sometimes it's close, sometimes far, some people have babies, some have bad backs for carrying stuff, sometimes people have luggage and sometimes they don't, it all evens out in the end.
Only exception is where there's somebody with a disabled space. That's theirs and obviously left empty when they're not there.
We live in a cul de sac too, I don't park near the kerb because people always park behind me and trap me in! So I park in the middle (there's only 2 of us round here with cars). DD is only 3, and she knows to check for cars and go straight to the path, so using her kids as an excuse is poor because cul de sacs are hardly busy.
When I first moved here I parked right outside my house which is at the beginning of the road and I wasn't taking anybody's spot then, but after having my wing mirror completely taken off twice by the council I now park were everybody else does.
Throw a party and make friends with all of your neighbours.
Am I the only one who has never found getting a toddler plus baby in and out of the car a problem?
YABU to expect to have two places right near your house!
Two of our neighbours have a similar parking thing - they both have 3 cars, one neighbour has a 2 car drive and the other has a garage and a 1 car drive - they do all sorts of passive aggressive bits and bobs in the area which is actually supposed to be for turning. I'm just glad we're not involved! Although OP, I have to say, if someone parks in 'my' space (I park on the road, directly outside our house) I get a bit narked, even though it is on road parking and not actually mine in the slightest. So YABU, but I would be too! I realise that's no help whatsoever!
Seriously? Clearly the baby-and-toddler on your own is tough. And its a cul-de-sac? I live in central London. We consider ourselves lucky if the space is anywhere nearby, and I use the double buggy if on my own!
I would just ignore the issue and park there when it's free. I think they are BVU.
But I would try and be friendly with them in general because it's worth being on good terms with neighbours.
They are cheeky as hell.
I am lucky to get a spot out the front of my house and currently there are at least five cars in the street that have just been parked, left and not moved for over a week by goodness knows who- I did see a well dressed couple the other day get into their car with a suitcase- obviously they have been on a holiday and left it in one of the last "free streets to park" that is near busses and trains in London, rather than pay for parking elsewhere.
I still though would never dream of asking anyone to move their car or keep out of "my spot".
which does not exist unfortunately even though it can be a real struggle having to park around the corner.
Can you tell it really annoys me?
YABU it is first come, first served. If they don't like the parking situation then why did they move there ( as my husband once said to one of our neighbours)!
I don't think you're being unreasonable, but unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it if it's first come first served and not designated.
The trouble is that because you have been able to park quite happily there for years, in your mind it's become 'yours' and now some one has come along in effect and used your space!
I think either you'll just have to come to an amicable arrangement with the new neighbours that suits you both, but if they don't cooperate in the way you would like you're just going to have to change your way of thinking to along them lines of "well, we have been very lucky over the last eight years, and it has been handy parking there when the kids were tiny but now things have changed so we have to get along with the new arrangement......"
heh, it sucks but- that's life. I (seethe and swear) feel a bit put out when anyone has the end space where I normally park - especially if it is not one of the 'regulars' as we all sort of park in the same spots, without talking about it and I have to remind myself I don't own the space. (even if I did vow to piss it up and down to mark it!!)
I think YABU. You want a guaranteed spot for your husband and his hose but think they are BU to want one because of their small children.
Either it's a free for all (and your dh loses out occasionally if your car and their car are in the spaces) or you compromise with them and you park on the other side to guarantee your dh gets the other space.
Why don't you park where your husband likes to park and then if there is space when he comes home he can park where you like to. In the meantime if someone else parks there he can always switch your and his car around so he can fill his tanks.
Or alternatively come to some arrangement with the new neighbours or buy a longer hose.
Take the bus.
All these kids should be able to walk down the street. It is good for them to get out more.
I nannied one year for three boys aged 2 (was 18 months when I started) 3 and 4 and managed to walk with them to the bus stop (I didn't drive) and get them all on with a buggy and shopping. I think some people are being a bit lame.
Exactly how much further away is the spot you have been asked to park in? 10m, 20m?
I have already said I realise I was being unreasonable. It is nothing to do with parking further away, where I used to park was not even the space closest to my house. I have been having a bit of a crap time lately, and just blew everything out of proportion when the neighbours asked me to move my car. I am well aware it is petty, so now am parking elsewhere and leaving the space for them.
It is certainly nothing to do with not wanting my kids to walk an extra few feet, they do plenty of walking anyway.
You are not being unreasonable - some of the above posts are just ridiculous and predictable. You and your neighbour have just as much right to the space - first come, first served, and no need for you to park elsewhere and leave the space for them
The neighbours were very rude asking you to move your car, we have on street parking though and more cars per house than room for them outside the house. usually one of us paks outside our house and one over the road (where there is always space) leaving the spaces outside the neighbours' houses free for them.
Sometimes we get home a a visitor is parked outside our house or one of the neighbours. We just accept it and park elsewhere.
If a neighbour never left room for our car I would think them selfish and say something, maybe that is what happened here.
YABU. Your 5 year old is easier to unload from the car than a baby and toddler.
If you're the one who usually has the kids in your car why doesn't your husband park over the road?
Because his hose isn't long enough, Rebecca
OP-if you park close when you want to-why can't your husband move your car when he gets in & put his van there?
I'm in my second end of cul-de-sac home with space for parking in the turning circles. Everyone has drives, but some houses have more cars than off-street parking (lots of adult children still at home). People do generally have "their" space, but life happens and iit's not a guarentee that you'll get in, but no one would ask to move an already parked car unless there was an obstruction (not mild inconvenience)
Our current drive has parking that accommodates our cars. Car 1 can turn, but car 2 then has to reverse off (long shared drive with 90o turn- not easy) we then have to use the turning circle to drive in the right direction. We've made a general request to our neighbour who parks 2 of their 4 cars in the turning circle to aim to keep them to one side keeping the gap in the simplest spacing for us to turn. It makes manouvering much easier for us, but no difference to their distance from the house. The only time we've requested a move was when a son parked on the other side that left access off the drive rather tight- this was when I was 39+ wks pg ( I'd already been to hospital with warning signs of labour starting) and reversing off the drive at silly o'clock in the morning was a real possibility- due care and attention may not have been DH's strong point for avoiding a random awkward car!
But you haven't been turfed out.
They asked you to park somewhere else and you agreed.
Then you later thought better of it and thought they were cheeky to even ask so will presumably park wherever you want to now. Whoever gets their first will get the space.
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