fed up with bing forced to stay at expensive, poncy hotels at weddings and get my own back by getting married in a cave?

(73 Posts)
bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 01:01:03

Like the titles says really. And hen dos too. I resent paying premium prices, to stay in poncy hotels when you're a wedding guest, but most of all for the kinds of relatives you see twice a year tops. I'm happy to give a pressie, but not so much with the hotel bill. If you dont fork out for the hotel room, people think you are either too mean, or too poor.

So, I am planning to get married in a cave. DP is totally up for this and it must be possible.

My DM thinks it is a terrible idea. She says caves can dark, dank and they are unpleasant places. l like caving and it is beautiful underground. My DM has asked me what people should wear - wellies? I replied that if it works for them, they can wear what they like. She asked if I would wear a wedding dress with a pair of wellies. I replied that it was a distinct possibility. We haven't told ILs yet.

AIBU to get married in a cave and AIBU to derive an evil pleasure from being a bridezilla who will also mildly exact revenge upon all the people who have made me stay in poncy hotels when I didn't actually want to for all these years?

I also intend to get married in a remote location and hire a "down to earth" place for the reception and guest accomodation. they'll attend a wedding in a cave and hopefull stay in a Welsh pub/B&B in the middle of nowhere - deal with it mofos, it's my turn to be bridezilla. grin

By the way, as the bride, I shall also do my own speach and will keep my own surname. Bollocks to convention.

CheerfulYank Mon 20-May-13 01:04:02

Sounds lovely. smile Congrats!

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 01:05:54

Thanks CheerfulYank. I think it sounds lovely. Have you ever been caving? It is very peaceful and comfortable underground. Some caverns are breathtakingly beatiful. I am researching whether it is possible near me or in Wales.

AThingInYourLife Mon 20-May-13 01:20:11

I would go to a wedding in a cave if it was a cave I could easily walk into (and crucially back out of). grin

Any crawling through tight spaces or hint that I could get stuck down there and I would make my excuses.

I'm mildly claustrophobic and start to come out in a cold sweat at the very thought of crawling through tight spaces.

I do love (easy access grin ) caves though.

A really beautiful cavern seems a very appropriate venue for a wedding - there's something almost sacred about a space like that.

tiredlateandup Mon 20-May-13 01:21:59

I have actually been to a wedding in a cave and it was lovely (not in UK though). Didn't need wellies but a lot of the guests (and bride and groom) went mostly barefoot.

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 01:22:42

I wouldn't expect the elderly folk to squeeze though any tunnels, smile but I think you're right. It would be a beautiful place for a ceremony.

WafflyVersatile Mon 20-May-13 01:45:31

I do not want to crawl on my elbows under a mountain but apart from that go for it. don't be upset when people decline your invite though.


Make them camp in tents. None of this fancy B&B nonsense.

WafflyVersatile Mon 20-May-13 01:46:58
StuntGirl Mon 20-May-13 02:07:47

Have you seen that Don't Tell The Bride where she wants to get married in a cave?

Two couples who did get married in a cave.

CSIJanner Mon 20-May-13 02:08:32

Saw a wedding like this on four weddings. It look fantastic and was different. The only thing was that you would need to warn elderly relatives that there will be quite a few steps and it will get cold, so thick cardies at the ready.


MammaTJ Mon 20-May-13 04:13:03

I was just going to say I saw a wedding in a cave on four weddings. IIRC, they did wear wellies. It looked great and really different.

pudcat Mon 20-May-13 06:43:00

There was a wedding on TV last week in the big cave in the Lechwedd slate mines in Wales. All the guests went down in the big cable tram.

AllOutOfIdeas Mon 20-May-13 07:27:51

[[ http://www.wookey.co.uk/wookey-information/weddings/ not quite Wales]] but its lovely there!

jojane Mon 20-May-13 07:30:10

You an get married at dan-y- ogof car in Wales - the welsh national showcases, is easy access for most people as in not having to crawl around, and is cold but can look pretty with fairy lights etc. also when we looked into it the hotel down the road was doing a really good deal of you got married in February

D0GWithAYoni Mon 20-May-13 07:33:32

Sounds fab do it. Your wedding! I rode a horse to my wedding people said I was mad but it was fab.

I had a few stupid questions:

"What if you fall off and get grass stains on your dress"

"Well, then I will have grass stains on my dress who cares"

"What if you're covered in horse hair"

"Well I'll be covered in horse hair <shrug>"

It was amazing none of the above happened and I'm glad for sticking to my guns.

AllOutOfIdeas Mon 20-May-13 07:35:21
wibblyjelly Mon 20-May-13 07:54:28

I think Cheddar Gorge do marriages in their caves-I love the idea!

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 07:57:12

WafflyVersatile I wouldn't want to actually make people go caving and crawl through mud! grin Thanks for the links.

StuntGirl Thanks. My wedding wouldn't be weird after all.

AllOutOfIdeas Thanks for the link.

jojane and pudcat Thanks for the info.

We really don't want anything too big. Neither me nor DP are into pomp and ceremony. We would quite like to hire a place for camping and have a massive BBQ for the reception, but the British weather is unpredictable. I suppose that's what marquees are for.

jamdonut Mon 20-May-13 08:01:08

I went to a wedding at a zoo, and stayed at a nearby caravan site.

Love your cave idea! I'd come! Especially as I could wear sensible shoes and not cripple myself in high heels smile

AnneEyhtMeyer Mon 20-May-13 08:02:39

You can get married in a cave in Derbyshire. I haven't been to a wedding in this place, but I was in the cave when it was all set up for a wedding and it looked stunning: here

MrsWolowitz Mon 20-May-13 08:04:41

Not at all what I would like but if that's what you want then great. Much like your friends/families weddings. Just because they are in a hotel and are not what you would like it doesn't mean that they are 'poncy'.

I hope you have a lovely day. I think wellies and a wedding dress sounds pretty cool.

pigletmania Mon 20-May-13 08:04:46

Wookie hole caves do weddings smile. Yabvu you don't have to go to these wedding if you can't afford it! Nobody will bat an eyelid if you stay in a bnb instead of the couples hotel on the wedding night.

DoctorRobert Mon 20-May-13 08:05:45

depends. if all your guests are young and adventurous then fine.

if however you have elderly guests, people with arthritis etc, then yabvu. my mum wouldn't have gone in a cave for example.

weddings should accommodate your guests

Tailtwister Mon 20-May-13 08:07:44

Sounds fantastic! I wish one of my friends would do something similar.

SantanaLopez Mon 20-May-13 08:14:14

Remote (ie in the arse end of nowhere) B&Bs are just as poncy and annoying as castles and hotels.

Cave sounds fab though. Your music could be sooo atmospheric.

HerrenaHarridan Mon 20-May-13 08:24:05

I think it's a great idea!

Can I come?

Will you video yelling you ils and share with us wink

thing1andthing2 Mon 20-May-13 08:45:35

Just don't go off to the other end of the country for your wedding and expect all your guests to trek across to join you! That's the worst bit for me. Worse than the ponsiness of the hotel.
Two friends of ours who live in our town (south east coast) were planning their wedding on a beach in north Devon. Realistically a 6 hour drive! And it was supposed to be child free. DH and I had decided we wouldn't go when she suddenly rang up and asked me to be maid of honour! I was like "I'd be delighted, but what am I supposed to do with a 3 year old and an 11month old?" If she'd organised the wedding 10 minutes down the road there would have been a realistic chance of me coming.
The cave thing though, sounds really nice.

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 08:52:09

I know IAB a bit U about poncy hotels. The people themselves aren't poncy though! I know I don't people don't have to stay at expensive hotels, but some of our family and friends would have been a bit hmm if people didn't. It's their day though.

I have waited for nearly 40 years to get married and thought it would never happen. My friends and family have got married over the years and I'm actually quite looking forward to it. This time I can be bridezilla, but I shall try not to be.

I never yell at IL's and I think they would all like the idea. Some of the family are a bit creaky, so I would obviously choose the most accessible cavern/cave and make the service as short as possible.

Can you get someone besides a priest to marry you? We aren't at all religious. Can you get someone who is all new agey to marry a couple?

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 08:54:08

thing1andthing2 There is actually a cave place near us that is a bit of a tourist attraction and I think you can hire it out. That would be my first port of call. If not, somewhere near us in Wales.

If we could use the one near us, we could put close family up at our place even.

Pos1 Mon 20-May-13 08:59:26

You can get married in Chislehurst Caves in the South East if that's anywhere near you - they have a chapel type thing that they used during the war when it was a shelter for those living there to get married, and if I remember correctly, not many steps, just some slopes. You could then stay at the pub next door.....( no idea what that's like though)

StanleyLambchop Mon 20-May-13 08:59:43

It sounds great to me and I would be up for it!

If you google St Michaels Cave in Gibraltar (I am no good at linky things)you will find pictures of the Cathedral Cave, which is actually used for concerts as the setting is very like a cathedral, they put chairs in with an aisle down the middle, it looks amazing! So it is not such a crazy idea after all.

KentishLass Mon 20-May-13 09:01:33

Betty yes you can hire an Independent Celebrant (like myself grin ) to conduct your wedding ceremony! We can hold this anywhere you like, a cave sounds amazing! If you'd like more details I will PM you x

EllaFitzgerald Mon 20-May-13 09:01:41

pudcat Was that the programme with Caroline Quentin? The cave looked stunning and the cable cars made it look like everyone would be able to get down there with no problems.

OP; I think it's a wonderful idea, I'd love to go to a wedding like that.

CruCru Mon 20-May-13 09:02:36

Re new agey types, why don't you try the Humanists? I think the Druids would be a bit funny about marrying someone who doesn't follow their religion.

Circaea Mon 20-May-13 09:06:23

I got married in a cave, it was lovely. No wellies required. Go for it!

Damnautocorrect Mon 20-May-13 09:12:57

The one with Caroline quentin looked beautiful, loads of candles lighting it, just beautiful.
Yes do it, it will be amazing

Katnisscupcake Mon 20-May-13 09:19:40

Cave weddings are beautiful.

I know because our family has a Wedding Business (flowers, decorations, cars, jewellery etc etc) and has already done a couple of cave weddings.

It's amazing how beautiful they can look with a few lights, candles and flowers. Let your imagination go wild!!! smile

We had a church wedding and our reception in a Hotel, but that was before my Dparents started their wedding business. I wish I was doing it now so that I could have something really different!


theodorakisses Mon 20-May-13 09:48:50

Totally agree and never go to weddings for that reason and also being told where to sit and what to eat and be expected to entertain the dullest humans known to man. And, no, I am not interested how you know the bride and groom, the fact that you used to live next door to them is of no interest and I am, taking into account travel expenses, gift, hotel and will to live that has been expended, having this making me want to kill myself conversation at the rate of about 50p a minute.

theodorakisses Mon 20-May-13 09:49:41

I would however love a cave wedding. I am never, ever going to Thailand for a poncy wedding again though

Sleepysocks Mon 20-May-13 09:56:14

Ooh I went to some caves in the Forest of Dean, Clearwell Caves. Very atmospheric (filmed Dr Who and Merlin there). One massive cavern near an underground lake was very memorable!

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 20-May-13 11:40:34

We're hiring a field and letting people camp smile I love the idea of getting married in a cave!! Quite jealous I didn't think of it first, although with DP's actual hobby a cliff face would be more appropriate and I'm not sure I fancy that.

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 11:40:43

DP and I discussed getting married abroad, but his DS already did that one. We also felt that it was unfair to expect people to fork out for the travel, especially people with DC. On the other hand, my folks live abroad and it would be nice to get married there. They are only in Europe though.

We really don't want anything formal. We want something simple, fun and quirky.

We now just have to decide upon a date. DP doesn't make any decisions quickly and has to research all possible avenues of enquiry. hmm I am a chronic procrastinator. It would probably be wise to set a date for some time in 2015. grin

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 20-May-13 11:44:02

I think you can just hire a registrar as long as your cave ie licensed for weddings.

tunnels and beach in ilfracombe

CwtchesAndCuddles Mon 20-May-13 14:11:58

My brother almost got married in a cave but in the end he and sil just went off abroad on their own and got married there.

Dan yr ogof is lovely!


BackforGood Mon 20-May-13 14:13:57

Ultimately up to you, as long as you are not going to moan about the people who then don't come.... people who are claustrophobic, people who are unsteady on their feet, people who just don't like standing around in cold, damp environments!
There's a whole lot of options you could choose that involve neither poncy hotels, nor caves.

Snoopytwist Mon 20-May-13 14:39:08

We made people camp in the middle of a wood and had a big BBQ - it was great and very memorable - do they cave thing, OP, people will love it - much more interesting than some bland hotel.

Khaleese Mon 20-May-13 14:48:28

Snoopy, we did similar but with a church!

Hate all the stupid costs of weddings. Don't get me started on the tens of thousands friends have spent on wedding yet can't afford to buy a home.

curryeater Mon 20-May-13 14:49:42

YANBU but I personally hate caves. I might not go if I were on your guest list, because I, too, am over claustrophobic wedding environments. No worse than an overheated, corporately decorated, window-challenged hotel, but as far as I am concerned, not much better - not that you care, and why should you.
Do you like camping? Maybe your guests should all stay in tents.

curryeater Mon 20-May-13 14:50:54

x-posted with snoopy on the camping thing.

I looked into getting married outdoors - admittedly years ago - but it didn't seem to be legal. Are there any caves licensed for weddings? (sorry for being a wet blanket)

Inertia Mon 20-May-13 14:52:26

Sounds fabulous- but you do need to bear in mind that some people might not be able or willing to come.

ChaoticTranquility Mon 20-May-13 15:20:40

Sounds good to me grin

bettycocker Mon 20-May-13 15:27:29

Snoopytwist That sounds like a fabulous day. I've also thought about doing something like that. I want an outdoor wedding, but the weather is so unpredictable, my reasoning is that you won't get rained on in a cave, but you're still outdoors iyswim.

Snoopytwist Mon 20-May-13 16:34:01

Betty, stick to your guns and do what you want to do - there will always be people who moan if you stray from the norm, but as you say, you've had to go to weddings in places that you don't really want to go to - and I bet most of your guests will love it!

If you can't find a cave that is licensed near you, you could have a little basic legal ceremony in a registry office and then do the big ceremony in ANY place you like! We did this and ended up writing our own ceremony and getting our best friend to be the "vicar"! Oh, and I recommend a huge pile of donuts instead of a cake grin.

captainBeaky Mon 20-May-13 16:36:22

Friends of mine got married in Wookey Hole caves and it was probably the best wedding I have been to. It was original, romantic and very atmospheric. Go for it!

I've been to a wedding in the Showcaves in Wales. Great fun but the outside weather was horrendous, so we preferred the caves and the waterfalls and rock formations were stunning.

I remember a lass on another forum getting married in a cave in Devon or Cornwall. It was so beautiful with hundreds of candles.

There's The Caves in Edinburgh too...

VerySmallSqueak Mon 20-May-13 18:50:47

Sounds bloody lovely OP

It'll be magical.

PipkinsPal Mon 20-May-13 18:54:02

Do you mean Dan-yr-Ogof in the Swansea Valley, they do weddings.

MummytoKatie Mon 20-May-13 19:02:31

If I can get a buggy into the cave I'd think it was brilliant. If I couldn't (and so had to lug about two kids) I'd hate it.

Can you get buggy friendly caves?

LineRunner Mon 20-May-13 19:34:17


ihearsounds Mon 20-May-13 19:53:05

Wedding should accomodate guests.. That is funny. No the wedding should be what the bride and groom want. Doesn't matter if it's church, registry office, underwater, cave etc, if this is what they want it should be respected by those invited. If people don't like it, they have an option to stay at home.

If it is what both of you want op, then go for it. All the miserable sods can stay at home and whine, while you lot have a wonderful time.

SoupDragon Mon 20-May-13 19:58:39

Cave: fine
Camping: I would rather gouge my own eyes out


AmberSocks Mon 20-May-13 20:06:06

ds good,but only if its really what you want and not just to get your own back on your family!

PavlovtheCat Mon 20-May-13 20:08:58

I got married in a cave. It was ACE! Very romantic. Well, I didn't get married down by the underground lake, but in the 'rumstore' part of the cave. Candles, spanish guitar playing, flowers, our friends, champagne and mingling among bronze fairies in the garden afterward.

Reception on a farm.

ilovecolinfirth Mon 20-May-13 20:09:42

I saw someone getting married in a cave on tv the other day. It looked LOVELY!

PavlovtheCat Mon 20-May-13 20:10:00

whipp my wedding was in cornwall. Had hundreds of candles. I have not posted on another forum. The bitch copied me angry

PavlovtheCat Mon 20-May-13 20:12:44

waffly linked to the cave I got married in.

Carnglaze Caverns in St Neot Cornwall.

Aw Pavlov, sincerest form of flattery and all that. smile

If yours looked even half as good as hers then it was the most beautiful wedding ever.

Katz Mon 20-May-13 20:55:19

Cool, I think you can get married in one of the caves in the Peak District, one of the ones near castleton,

PavlovtheCat Mon 20-May-13 21:02:17

grin i wasn't being serious, caves and candles go well together.. it's quite dark, and unlike hotels, there is not much to burn down! it was amazing though. and relatively inexpensive. the most expensive part of our wedding was the venue, a third of the total cost. the rest was hard work, planning, imagination, a wing and a prayer, oh and lots of candles!

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 20-May-13 21:04:38

I am just coming on this thread to say RISPECK for saying 'deal with it mofos'

Cave sounds a fantastic idea anyway.

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