to ask if anyone has been 'outed' in rl from mn?

(145 Posts)
newfavouritething Sun 19-May-13 21:41:41

It seems to crop up from time to time on some threads that some posters say that they're afraid of being outed in rl? Does this or has this actually happened? Is there really that many people reading this? Or is it just paranoia?

FadedSapphire Mon 20-May-13 09:45:02

I was when my 'local' name same as 'main' name. A Mum at school queried whether I was -.
I changed my name. I am glad local name is different now to my main name [which I change every few months or so]. I'm not that fussed if recognised on local board but would be on main one.

noisytoys Mon 20-May-13 09:57:02

A fair few people on here know who I am in RL. I don't care and I won't name change. I don't have an alter ego so who I am on here is who I am in RL smile

LaQueen Mon 20-May-13 10:08:32

A friend IRL recognised me on MN, well she had her suspicions, then she clicked on my photos and recognised me, and our house smile

But, it wasn't a problem, I've said nothing on here that she doesn't know about, anyway.

CarpeVinum Mon 20-May-13 10:12:30

It happens.

On a board I used to be very active on one woman lost her job becuase some poster worked out who she was, and sent copies of her posts on to her employer.

Basically I think a good rule of thumb is don't reveal or say anything here that you wouldn't in RL cos it could leave you mortified or vulnerable.

The anonymity is more illusion than reality, and people forget that.

No need to be paranoid, just don't detach from your RL self censorship in terms of what you say and how you say it.

TheSecondComing Mon 20-May-13 10:16:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigelYerABawbag Mon 20-May-13 10:19:07

Yeah, I have been recognised on here, by someone I do know IRL but hadn't seen/heard from for years. Luckily she is nice smile but it did make me more careful about what I post.

AutumnMadness Mon 20-May-13 10:43:27

I recognised one of the posters once. Hint - do not post the same message on Mumsnet and on Facebook. But I never told her, never followed her posts and promptly forgot her Mumsnet user name. I think online privacy is very important and just don't want to be in possession of any kind of knowledge of anyone's life like this.

I've not been but am pretty identifiable if someone could be arsed to look for me.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Mon 20-May-13 11:24:00

I had someone pm me fairly recently and ask if I was who she thought I was. Wasnt a problem because of the way she handled it but I have to admit to being terrified of this in general.

MTBMummy Mon 20-May-13 11:24:25

I have, but it was by someone I like and I didn't mind her knowing what I was going through.

I have a seperate name for more sensitive issues that I don't want people in RL to know about.

No. I am easily recognisable though but I don't know anyone who comes on here.

Kewcumber Mon 20-May-13 11:27:35

Yes twice. Once in tesco, once in school.

I don't mind. I'm careful about what I say. Honest, but careful.

I haven't, but like sp I'm very easily recognisable if you know me and happen to see a few of my posts on mn. I don't particularly care.

Tee2072 Mon 20-May-13 11:29:22

Oh please. The whole world knows my posting name, my real life name and everything about me.

I only use a nick name because it's fun.

And my nick name is actually, without the 2072, something I am called in real life by many many people.

It's not a dirty little secret, you know, being on MN.

Mintyy Mon 20-May-13 11:30:22

I recognised someone I know in rl once from her posts on Mumsnet. Tis why I namechange for the sensitive stuff.

Mintyy Mon 20-May-13 11:31:51

Its not a dirty little secret, of course not, but some posters do like to retain a modicum of privacy.

paperclips Mon 20-May-13 11:32:12

If someone who knew me in RL read my posts they'd know who I was because I'd probably have told the same stories, recounted the same old non-sleeping baby problems etc.

If I was writing anything I didn't want people in RL to read I would (and have) name changed. I'm pretty sure a fair few mums I know are on mumsnet but I have never recognised them and we would never discuss whether we use it.

Just waiting to here someone in RL say "did you mean to sound so rude?"


Sometimes horribly.

I really should stop posting.

cherhorowitz Mon 20-May-13 11:35:45

I have. I've NC'ed as I was outed through every fault of my own.

HauntedArmchairOfDoom Mon 20-May-13 11:36:11

All the fucking time <sigh>

This is why I NC constantly. Indeed, I am long overdue another!

Solari Mon 20-May-13 11:38:36

I've been outed, more than once by different people.

Now I namechange regularly, might still get outed, but at least I haven't left such a long trail of highly personal information when it happens.

I should probably just post with less revealing details, but I can't seem to help myself (especially when empathising with people who've been through similar, or who aren't spotting warning signs I recognise from experience).

5madthings Mon 20-May-13 11:41:11

Yep I had a problem or rather dp did as the teens he worked with found me on here. It was totally random, in that I had a post quoted by the daily fail...about frubes yogurts... They saw the paper and the comment and my username at that point was a nickname my dp gave our four boys and something he referred to them as. The teens he worked with the looked up my username on mnet and reading the posts realized it was me. They gave him some grief at work esp as them looking me up coincided with a big thread I had posted in aibu....

Mnet HQ very kindly deleted the thread for me smile

Oh and one now banned mnetter got Ina hump with me and managed to find me on fb and twitter! I blocked her and again mnhq were very kind offered to retrospectively change my name if I wanted smile

Solari Mon 20-May-13 11:42:16

Don't think being on MN is a dirty secret (especially as the outers tend to be on MN themselves!)

But sometimes things happen in life that you don't want random people who know you to know about (ie. miscarriage, abortion, previous DV, family squabbles).

Part of the appeal of MN is that you can talk about things you feel uncomfortable sharing with people face to face.

Pascha Mon 20-May-13 11:44:26

I'd be quite excited if someone did. Its very unlikely though, I don't know many people that well IRL.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 20-May-13 11:53:07

I've totally recognised someone on here who I knew at the time in real life. She was bitching about a very specific situation (and me), I checked out her other posts and it was very definitely her. I never told her either on here or in real life that I'd recognised her.

YoniTime Mon 20-May-13 12:07:45

That must have been strange Viva did you reply to that thread?

VivaLeBeaver Mon 20-May-13 12:10:29

No I didn't, ignored it. I used to teach and it was one of my (now ex) college students been a bit daft and immature. So it didn't bother me and I didn't want to get into a slanging match.

BabyMakesTheBoobiesGoLeaky Mon 20-May-13 12:11:52

I'd be fairly recognisable and I think I recognised some other Republic of Cork people by how they phrase things but I doubt I know them.

lynniep Mon 20-May-13 12:15:49

yes a few times, but then my username is obvious and I use it elsewhere, and if I want to hide something I will just namechange.

BelleJolie Mon 20-May-13 12:30:15

I got outed once the way Autumnmadness describes... I knew I potentially would be outed but figured I'd never written anything I wouldn't say in RL so wasn't too bothered.

Although, having said that, I did change my username afterwards! I wasn't a huge fan of the person who outed me and didn't fancy watching everything I said in future...

BelleJolie Mon 20-May-13 12:33:56

<wonders if I've just outed self again>

imaginethat Mon 20-May-13 12:42:58

I once received a very narky PM from a DM writer who was upset that her work had been criticised in MN

Mintyy Mon 20-May-13 12:44:31

NO! not really? imaginethat. How funny.

imaginethat Mon 20-May-13 12:46:35

Yes really. It was just so, well, pathetic

DeWe Mon 20-May-13 13:06:20

AutumnMadness is right. Don't put a status on fb and then post it here word for word.

I recognised one of dsis' friends. Dsis had commented on her fb post, then I saw it on here. Very identifiable because it had mention of an appointment and things like that.
I didn't say anything. I nearly replied to both word for word, so she could take the hint without me saying anything. but I don't really know the friend-I've forgotten both posting name and real name by now, so decided it didn't matter.

StillSeekingSpike Mon 20-May-13 13:10:21

I recognised one of my colleagues from a visit she had made to a poster in a professional sense. The whole office was squealing about it grin. Luckily the Op was very complimentary.

bollockstoit Mon 20-May-13 13:49:06

I think I saw someone (who posts on here and has pictures of herself on her profile) on the train this morning! I assume she wouldn't be bothered about being recognised because of the pictures and the amount of personal detail she puts in her posts. I, however would not like to be recognised, and am due another name change.

BackforGood Mon 20-May-13 13:54:29

Only once (that they've told me anyway... I suppose there could be others who have recognised me and then not said anything...), which I'm quite surprised about really, considering I'm not particularly cautious or secretive about my life when I'm chatting on here, and that I've been on here a lot for about 10 years.

SvetlanaKirilenko Mon 20-May-13 13:56:02

Yes, I have been outed and it was pretty horrible (they got me in loads of trouble). Hence I name change regularly (and am a bit more careful what I say on here). It does happen and there are some nasty people out there and there are squillions of lurkers


If I recognised someone I would sooo go up and say hello.

Ilovemyself Mon 20-May-13 14:01:06

I understand the need for privacy when you are asking for some advice ( is my partner having an affair? For instance)

But for anything else you should have the courage of your convictions and not be afraid to put your name to your posts. If you are ashamed of your views there is so,etching wrong!

Solari Mon 20-May-13 14:04:46

For me, the need for privacy is about more than just advice-asking situations.

Its about talking and sharing some deeply personal experiences and feelings in a relatively anonymous manner. Its not completely anonymous because people can and do get outed (I have), but precautions (namechanging) can minimise that.

Solari Mon 20-May-13 14:05:55

Otherwise, we might as well all have to register our real names and use those.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 20-May-13 14:09:05

Yes I've been recognised a couple of times (that'll teach me to post about my bizarre life). Doesn't really bother me, and has kind of taught me that I'm happy generally with the stuff that I post here as its what I would say in RL.

Would probably NC for anything massively personal.

I feel more sorry for the people who've had to read my boring posts!

GlitteryShitandDanglyBaubles Mon 20-May-13 14:25:19

I genuinely don't think anyone would care who I am in the 'real life' to which you are all referring to. I do namechange when the mood takes me, if I think of something especially ridiculous, but as you can see, I am still currently wearing a dodgy Xmas name.

But then again, I am posting about things personal to me but not things that are negative about me, iykwim, so, not things like 'I had friday night sex with my sister's dh.' But then I am an open book.

GlitteryShitandDanglyBaubles Mon 20-May-13 14:25:40

<hides behind book>

DuelingFanjo Mon 20-May-13 14:28:04

yep, I was. Horrible affair which involved some lovely mumsnetter emailing links to a member of my extended family. Still makes me angry thinking about it but I never found out who it was. Hopefully they know what a shit-storm it created.

TheYoniWayisGerard Mon 20-May-13 14:41:47

Not quite the same, but I recognised myself in a thread once. Not exactly complimentary either, although about half of it was untrue. I just ignored it. I haven't been outed by anyone though, but then I don't really post anything controversial or personal anyway, so it wouldn't matter too much.

I have. I wrote a post about a friend, which they then saw. In my defence, I was trying to solve a long standing problem for them, but it turned out that they would rather have their problem than have hundreds (literally) of M'ners trying to solve it for them. smile

I de-registered for a while because of it, and have only just gathered the courage to come back. (Under a new username, obviously!) the school playground...was absolutely awful...continued for weeks and ended up with police being called etc

lostproperty Mon 20-May-13 16:50:30

I have been...not long ago and I was absolutely mortified. It was completely my fault as I was giving too many recognizable details about myself and my life...The lady who recognized me was really kind and we are still friends even if she knows some of my secrets !

poorchurchmouse Mon 20-May-13 16:58:48

No (at least so far as I know) but I don't post much. I did recognise a RL friend on here once, but didn't let on and didn't make a note of her MN name. She hadn't posted anything I didn't know anyway so probably wouldn't have been fussed.

poorchurchmouse Mon 20-May-13 16:58:49

No (at least so far as I know) but I don't post much. I did recognise a RL friend on here once, but didn't let on and didn't make a note of her MN name. She hadn't posted anything I didn't know anyway so probably wouldn't have been fussed.

PimpMyHippo Mon 20-May-13 17:03:23

I haven't been outed on here, but on another forum I used when I was a very stupid teenager, I posted about someone who'd done something that made me angry (eg. if I overheard them making a racist comment - it wasn't that, but along those lines) and she recognised herself from the post and was very angry! It was someone linked to my work so she complained to my boss. blush She said I was posting lies about her but I wasn't, my post was true!

I've learnt my lesson and now try not to post anything I wouldn't say to someone's face. I still try to stay anonymous though, mostly just because I'd be a bit embarrassed if I was outed - young single childless people are not supposed to be addicted to mumsnet! blush

MrsMelons Mon 20-May-13 17:56:55

I am not sure it would bother me if I was outed. I post lots of RL stuff and experiences on here but nothing that is hugely personal. I asked some personal advice about a relationship once which I name changed for, anything else is probably stuff I have discussed in RL anyway.

I do wonder if I chat to people on here that I then go off and chat to on the school run which I find quite odd.

SuffolkNWhat Mon 20-May-13 18:06:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruprekt Mon 20-May-13 18:11:24

Yes I have.

It involved a lot of people, threatened my job, had to change my 10 year posting name.

I have never spoken to the bitch since though she knows she outed me.

Am still cross as I do not know who she is on MN!! angryangryangry

I regularly name change, I do feel a bit sad about it as on another forum I made a lot of friends who I met up with in real life.
However, I work in a school so want to protect myself!

VivaLeBeaver Mon 20-May-13 18:21:43

I feel I should name change but never do.

fizzzness Mon 20-May-13 18:23:37

Same here blueandwhotelover , I name change loads. I miss the chance to build up a reputation and friendships. But it also stops it being so

matchpoint Mon 20-May-13 18:24:59

I've recognised a few people on here. Had a little stalk, then moved on with my life. End of story. Can't believe some of the stories on here about job losses etc!

itsallshitandmoreshit Mon 20-May-13 18:32:55

I 'know' someone on here. She talks regularly about where she comes from and lots of identifying details. I know enough about her from her to know that she is an aquaintance in real-life.

I assume she doesn't care about anonymity as she doesn't seem to censor. I haven't outed her and try not to think about it.

Recently I nearly defended her on a thread where someone accused her of exaggerating and I knew she wasn't smile

She's a regular poster too [taps nose]

IneedAyoniNickname Mon 20-May-13 18:42:57

I recognized someone on here once as they posted the same things on here and facebook. I pm'd her, saying I.knew who she was and now we are facebook friends.

Oh god, just realised I sound like a total nutter, contacting someone like that! It was meant to be friendly! I can't remember her mn name, and haven't recognized her since.

I hope if anyone recognizes me, they'd say so!

SugarPasteGreyhound Mon 20-May-13 19:21:23

Yes, which is why I nc every so often.

marriedinwhiteagain Mon 20-May-13 19:23:36

Not outed but a v lovely mnnetter realised I might know some of her family and I did. We now have lovely pm exchanges from time to time and eventually will meet up.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 20-May-13 19:25:17

Yes a few times not so much recently though I name change regularly

Catmint Mon 20-May-13 19:28:55

I just can't imagine the scenario where anyone would give enough of a shit about what I say to either 'out' me or not!

redwellybluewelly Mon 20-May-13 19:29:21

Some of my posts here were then repliacted and i was outed in another forum, very nastily and so I NC'ed and lay low for a while.

It bothers me less now but I never post to do with work and I'm cautious about posting about family.

domesticslattern Mon 20-May-13 19:33:45

I was once at a playgroup and recognised someone and realised I knew all of her sexual problems in quite some detail.
That's why I namechange a lot.

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Mon 20-May-13 19:38:05

Not on here but another forum, i recognised a good friends sister. She had made the fatal error of posting the same thing on FB as forum... So i looked at her other posts to find her bitching about her sister a lot! Awkwarrrrrrd.

amazingmumof6 Mon 20-May-13 19:42:37

I tell people in RL that I'm on MN and if they recognize me they should pm me.

not happened yet

GeppaGip Mon 20-May-13 21:00:15

I name change quite a bit now. Not because I have personally been outed but on another, similar forum, I started reading a post and realised it was about me! Dug a bit deeper and discovered it was someone who was a good friend who had used me anecdotally in a number of posts but twisted things so that the posts weren't even true. I have no idea why someone would do this, but I did find out what she really thought of me haha.

She doesn't know I know and I would never say but it has had a detrimental effect on our friendship and I am often 'too busy' to meet up now.

It was a good lesson for me to learn without ever feeling the pain of an 'outing'.

SoleSource Mon 20-May-13 21:01:56

I haven't as i know nobody haha

MrsMelons Mon 20-May-13 21:05:38

I am not sure I would not be able to tell someone if I recognised them, especially if the story was about me.

I sometimes twist things to make them less recognisable but never to make someone seem worse.

GeppaGip Mon 20-May-13 21:11:28

It was just pointless lies, Mrs Melons. I fell pregnant a few months after her. Her 'story' on this forum, where someone had asked - "have any of your friends been jealous of your pregnancy?" was that I had been trying to get pregnant for years, she fell pregnant, I was jealous and upset but lo and behold, managed to conceive shortly afterwards. Apart from the conception the rest was absolute bollocks and just didn't happen! My pregnancy was a (very happy) surprise! I knew it was 'supposed' to be me from other details. Why? Just why?

Others were nasty and if I elaborate it would out me, lol.

Nagoo Mon 20-May-13 21:23:12

I don't say anything interesting enough that I'd be bothered.

I went through a right paranoid patch, but then I thought 'fuck it' and outed myself with pictures of cat shit and cakes being sick.


MrsMelons Mon 20-May-13 21:28:06

That is awful, all I can say is that she must be very insecure and in fact jealous of you!!

flipchart Mon 20-May-13 21:36:35

Yes and I didn't mind. In a scout leader in the Ribble Valley area so I'm quite well known locally any way.

SoleSource Mon 20-May-13 21:44:39

Hi MrsMelons smilesmilesmile

MrsMelons Mon 20-May-13 21:46:37

Hello smile hope you are ok Sole

Sort of, my sister recognised me instantly from a very mundane list about baby shoes. I'm not bothered though and we know each other's posting names [waves to sis].

Bluestocking Mon 20-May-13 22:18:45

A poster inadvertently outed her son - she said that he was studying at the university where I work and mentioned something he'd chosen to do which identified him to me. I did wonder if I should pm her but decided not to.

StickEmUpPunk Mon 20-May-13 22:20:54

Ive not been outted but i got my mum to come on mn and ive seen her posts and vice versa. It wasnt weird at all.
Except when she moans about Dad haha. (Dont blame her tho!)

Yes. Awful. Now I N/C

HerrenaLovesStarTrek Mon 20-May-13 22:32:21

Ineedayoninickname - hello there! It's me smile I thought you were friendly, not scary! Serves me right for posting identical things in MN and FB anyway, it was kind of you to get in touch and give me a little reality check.

I have met one or two people in RL whom I am CONVINCED are on MN but haven't recognised them here yet. There were references to gin <taps nose>

Samu2 Mon 20-May-13 22:38:13

I have no problems with people irl knowing me here. I never put anything on the internet that I wouldn't talk about irl.

The golden rule of internet usage imo. If something is too sensitive that I wouldn't want out irl then I wouldn't post it online, either. I understand why others would and for some MN might be the only support they have, but for me there is no reason to hide who I am.

IneedAyoniNickname Mon 20-May-13 22:47:02

Thanks for letting me know I'm not a scary weirdo herrena! I am relieved (and I am friendly smile )

EatenByZombies Mon 20-May-13 23:47:50

Sorry, 5madthings , but you being outed because of Frubes was pretty hilarious when I read that post grin

5madthings Mon 20-May-13 23:52:15

Yes yes it is funny! Buy it made dps job very difficult, so no effect for me and I am sure lots of people may recognize me from my posts Andi have friends in RL who know me on here and my sister posts on here as well smile

It was just one if those awful coincidences that the article about the frubes quoted me and at the same time I had a thread in aibu that went a bit mental...

My dsd identified me from a post in step-parenting.


It was a Grump, and I was a bit embarrassed that she'd seen it, it wasn't very complimentry about her mum.

PenelopeLane Tue 21-May-13 09:42:07

My step sister posts in another forum and I know her name so have been able to recognize her posts in the past. After reading I was often left wondering if she was either wildly exaggerating details of her life, or living this secret life filled with things and ideas I knew nothing about. Or a bit of both.

TBH I purposely stopped paying attention to her posts after a while. Even though it's all in the public domain etc I started to feel awkward that I knew things she'd never actually told me.

DuelingFanjo Tue 21-May-13 13:33:00

"Am still cross as I do not know who she is on MN"

this^^ it's so annoying isn't it, that's why I always post on threads like this because at the very least I would like the person who passed on my posts to know how much shit they caused by doing so.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Tue 21-May-13 13:44:54

I'm not sure if I have or not. But a couple of years ago a friend told me that her sister had just found out her husband had been having an affair. As she described the circumstances I realised in horror, that I'd read a thread the night before, by her sister. It was very definitely her due to the specific details. I hid the thread and never read it again.

likesnowflakesinanocean Tue 21-May-13 13:52:46

yep and previously namechanged for it but i like this name so anyone that knows me now will have to accept what i like or jog ongrin quite simply

LaQueen Tue 21-May-13 15:20:37

On a previous forum, someone decided to maliciously dabble in my real life, and actually contacted a company my DH's company had business dealings the hope of causing trouble (this company were looking to buy out DH's company, and I'd stupidly named names, excited about it, on line).

This person's actions luckily didn't cause the trouble they hoped. The person they contacted were rather hmm about them infact, and only warned DH that there was 'a loose canon' trying to cause mischief.

I was angry, and upset at first - but, then, as DH said, for a person to stoop so low, they must be very unhappy/disturbed, and are probably desrving of pity, rather than censure.

DH is (obviously) a much nicer person than me smile

<has visions of a morally corrupt priest phoning round companies>

EatenByZombies Tue 21-May-13 16:40:32

^ Hahaha

BandersnatchCummerbund Tue 21-May-13 17:49:12

I realised that I think I know who two posters are in RL here, but I don't know either of them personally so there's no point in mentioning it. They're slightly "famous", which is why I know who they are, but I'm most definitely not so my name would mean nothing to them!

Mintyy Tue 21-May-13 19:13:28

Oooh 'slightly famous'? how intriguing.

Molehillmountain Tue 21-May-13 19:20:12

I was, but I'd name changed because I thought the story I was going to share would possibly out me. I panicked when the person asked me but then remembered the name change. It's not that I have anything completely secret on here, that won't one day be in the public domain, it's just that I am freer with my opinions and deeper feelings than I would be even with some of my close, albeit not closest, friends. I don't think I say nasty things particularly and that's what would make me feel ashamed if I were outed. I just feel that I look a lot less together than I hope to in real life because that's how you have to be in order to get through the day.

ParsingFancy Tue 21-May-13 19:26:42

Eats, shoots and leaves Eleanor for dead.

ParsingFancy Tue 21-May-13 19:27:21

(should have had a grin, too)

MrsMelons Tue 21-May-13 19:34:47

I often wonder how many poster on here are in fact famous, it must be a lovely feeling to be able to talk normally to people and ask advice as in RL you may never know who would repeat your problems especially if in a relationship with someone who is also famous.

PetiteRaleuse Tue 21-May-13 19:57:28

I think at least one of my sisters has worked out who I am, but they knew I used the site anyway. I'm careful to avoid discussing family issues. I would namechange if I had something really secret to say.

MyFunDay Tue 21-May-13 20:03:22

I came across a close friend by accident. Our DC play with each other all the time. I hadn't realised that she posted on relationships quite a few times and I have actually given her advice on her marriage without realising who she was at the time.

Well, one time she gave away too much rl information and I felt sick when I realised who she was. I had no idea that she had such an unhappy marriage. Because she is such a private person, I felt really embarrassed to tell her I knew - she would have been mortified.

I still haven't told her, I just don't know how to broach the subject tbh. And selfishly, I don't want our relationship to change. And it hasn't, I just decided to bury all the information that I know about her. It's none of my business.

Because of this experience, I name change fairly frequently. You probably won't see MyFunDay any more. blush

JoyMachine Tue 21-May-13 20:15:22

I namechange regularly, as I cannot risk being outed. It is hard, as I miss the friends i'd previously made, and I rarely get to chat to them any longer.

There is someone I know on here, and I have pmed them more than a few times to let them know to namechange, but I just keep on spotting them! blush

I know outing has caused huge issues for some, bad feelings for others. Anonymity iis one of MN's greatest strengths, as it allows us to be honest.invaluable really.

TunipTheVegedude Tue 21-May-13 20:55:18

Yes, I have.
Trust nae fucker, as ScottishMummy says occasionally.

FuckThisShit Tue 21-May-13 20:57:16

Someone recognised me when I was under another name and sent me a lovely PM. I was really pleased actually, as we'd been friends when both living abroad and had lost contact so t was nice to be in touch again.

I've recognised my cousin's wife who is very well known, here and in other English speaking countries, but as I see them very rarely I didn't say anything. I've also sussed someone who's child is at nursery school with my youngest DD, but I did tell her as her thread involved people we know in RL.

FuckThisShit Tue 21-May-13 20:58:06

Whose FFS not who's.

Acandlelitshadow Tue 21-May-13 21:12:10

Can't think of anyone in my RL circle who admits to hanging out on forums so AFAIK I'm incognito which is just the way I like it.

I have namechanged but haven't summoned up the energy for a while. This thread might focus my mind grin

Molehillmountain Tue 21-May-13 22:33:21

Just so I know, what kinds of details would out me? I very careful not to talk about problems on here that have very specific details and I don't usually discuss a problem in real life that I've also talked about on here.

PoppyWearer Tue 21-May-13 22:37:35

My RL friends tend to refer to the other site more than MN, at which I just nod and smile and judge. Yes, some do call me "hun" IRL. grin

I give away far too much information on here, I sometimes tweak details about DC ages just to try to throw people off.

But yes, I get scared when I remember that thread when someone put all the info together and had a frightening amount of data about the volunteer....

I have. I name change quite abit because of it.
There is nothing worse than chatting at the school gate and finding another mum thinks I might like to read something she read on the Internet. Then emails me with a thread I'm on.

PoppyWearer Tue 21-May-13 22:41:26

Molehill stuff that would out you:

- location-related stuff
- disclosing your age, DCs' age, Professions
- wearing the Mumsnet scarf
- uttering the words "naice ham" or admitting an aversion to Greggs or Fruit Shoots IRL
- offering Pom Bear crisps with glee at any gathering

PoppyWearer Tue 21-May-13 22:43:28

Oh, and putting something on Facebook and also posting a thread about it on here <taps nose>.

kim147 Tue 21-May-13 22:43:40

If Gove ever read my stuff on here and then recognised me, I'd probably be kicked out of teaching. I think my views on his reforms are quite well known.

I'm surprised I haven't been recognised yet. Maybe I have. I'm quite careful what I post about but will be vocal on certain issues and that's probably why I won't change my name (except I have occasionally).

I meet a lot of parents on supply so I've probably taught some of your children.

Molehillmountain Tue 21-May-13 22:44:34

Ah, if the ages and professions are critical I'd better pop off and name change! I fear the Pom bear situation is irretrievable but commonplace! And I shop at asda so the naice ham thing probably not a problem!

GoshAnneGorilla Tue 21-May-13 22:54:29

Kim - is there a teacher alive who is in favour of his reforms?

Wasn't Gove's wife a MN er?

Molehillmountain Tue 21-May-13 23:00:36

Molehill is leaving the virtual building...who knows what I'll be next. And all because of the Pom bears.

wonderstuff Tue 21-May-13 23:10:26

The pombear thing still makes me laugh every time its referrenced.

I think that it is very easy on here and on other social media to imagine that you're having a cosy chat with your mates. Of course what you are doing is publishing things on the internet, which isn't really the same.

I very rarely discuss anyone I know on here, I give opinions on other peoples stories, but I don't often disclose my own.I'll ask for advice, but rarely on things that involve people I know. I know a couple of people on here irl, and I think I am fairly identifiable. I hope though that I don't post anything that would cause any rl upset. I am a teacher and think this makes me more cautious about what I post online.

Mepyramine Tue 21-May-13 23:12:15


wonderstuff Tue 21-May-13 23:16:42


How do you do a pombear?

wonderstuff Tue 21-May-13 23:17:44


My new favourite smiley.

reelingintheyears Tue 21-May-13 23:22:11

Gove's wife is Sarah Vine,beauty columnist in The Times and occasional columnist elsewhere.

She has a political opinion on everything.

A stalwart supporter of her DHs views.

ArtexMonkey Tue 21-May-13 23:23:40

As far as I now, no one from rl has recognised me, although some of my friends know I am on mn, and I recall one bloke I know going on about having lurked on the Center parcs anal thread (But that op wasn't me MMKAY?).

I have a really good friend from rl who I know is a mner but she hardly posts, and another really good friend who purely lurks. But I try not to go on about real stuff too much, and I'm very boring really, so it dunt matter I hope.

Helenagrace Tue 21-May-13 23:30:14

Not outed as such but I had coffee with a friend around the time that there was a really long running thread about being organised in AIBU. LaQueen and I were on the thread quite a bit. My friend mentioned the thread and mentioned this poster on there who had some great ideas who posted as HelenaGrace.

I fessed up.

I identified my SIL on here. She spotted me. She's name changed I think. I haven't - despite frequently posting about my awful inlaws. She agrees with me!

Lioninthesun Tue 21-May-13 23:43:25

I have no problems with friends in RL knowing who I am, it is the stalker on here I name change for. Prob due another one now then!

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Tue 21-May-13 23:50:35

I recognised a friend on here when started a thread that was the same as her facebook status. I thought it had to be her so clicked on her profile and she had pictures so I know it was. The thread wasn't anything personal, she was asking about a baby product. I never told her and have forgotten her name. She knows I know she's on here but not sure if she knows how I know.

PimpMyHippo Wed 22-May-13 00:17:27

It's quite interesting that so many people who have had negative experiences with being "outed" continue to post on here, I think. Maybe I'm a wimp but when it happened to me on another forum I didn't dare go back, even with a namechange. blush People who've had their jobs threatened or even been stalked, what brings you back?

Lioninthesun Wed 22-May-13 00:39:56

I wasn't going to let her beat me! I enjoy it here and as far as I know I was 'ere first wink
This is the only forum I am on and, although I over share on FB, one of my few links to new ideas and friends. Not going to spoil that for one nutjob smile

LittleMissLucy Wed 22-May-13 00:43:52

A few years ago someone I knew in RL I think, tried to find me on here with questions about how people met their other halves. It was probably the only story about my life she actually knew. And the way she wrote her threads was very much in the same vein as the way she spoke - everything was "lovely ladies, gorgeous ones etc" though having said that, a lot of people on here speak that way.

RonaldMcDonald Wed 22-May-13 00:51:25

yy my friends know who i am on here

EatenByZombies Wed 22-May-13 01:59:48

Of course they do, you're the McDonalds clown, what numpty wouldn't recognize you? shock


Good grief, where is the Centre parcs anal thread?????

LaQueen Wed 22-May-13 07:57:31

Pimp I don't know about others, but for me I actually saw it as a weird type of bullying? And, I really don't like bullying.

Pimp, I love this place and it would take more than a stalky ex or a rl crossover to spook me away.

I post less and I'm a bit more circumspect nowadays, but I'm quite obviously me.

TunipTheVegedude Wed 22-May-13 10:09:43

Pimp - there are different approaches you can take.
You can assume everything you write is identifiable and never write anything you wouldn't be happy with the whole world knowing you'd said. That's what I try to do. When I joined Twitter I did it under my own name for precisely the same reason. (Makes me a nicer person online, too.)

Alternatively I know people who've had bad experiences and just become much more security-conscious about what they post: frequent namechanges, nothing identifiable and even deliberate red herrings.

I agree with LaQ. Why be bullied into silence?

arcticwaffle Wed 22-May-13 21:34:17

I used to post all sorts of personal stuff under my old name, but a few people recognised me, I didn't mind people knowing personal details cos I'm not that private, I'd tell my life story to a stranger after half a glass of wine anyway.

But I realised I was too obvious about my work and too identifiable about that, so I namechanged and became boringly reserved.

Helenagrace I think you're my sil aren't you? We share the same problem relatives?

Letitsnow9 Thu 23-May-13 08:58:51

Ive always wondered why everyone on here is always posting of not wanting to be outed in RL and worry a friend will know its them. I've never known any other message board where so many people say that

Lioninthesun Thu 23-May-13 12:13:10

I think because people on here can be in very scary situations - DV and EA for example not everyone wants people in their town to know, but need the advice.
I shouldn't really care, because the funny thing is if my ex sees my posts he will recognise himself (and therefore know it is me) because I have been truthful on here about him. If it wasn't true he wouldn't know it was me grin The stalker on the other hand is just a meddling, bored housewife.

fromparistoberlin Thu 23-May-13 12:18:33

some people are way to free and easy on here, I wince for them

I am am fairly open BUT try to cut back some data and I name change alot , well not alot as I've had this for a year now!!!!

what solari said

Pigsmummy Thu 23-May-13 12:26:21

I actually wanted a friend to spot me on here having a dig at her but I had to have a chat in RL instead! Would have been easier on MN I think.

I'm happy if people recognise under this name. But if I need to post/ask anything that is sensitive, I'd name change for that.

The DCs and DP are aware of this name, but no-one else is, although people are aware I post on MN.

I post as if it'll be picked up by people who know me in RL anyway.

Lara2 Thu 23-May-13 21:17:13

I've never been outed in RL, but have just sorted out my new class for next year (year R) and recognised one of the names on list from local MN.
Interestingly she gave away so much info, that it would have been hard to miss her!smile

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