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to be annoyed at this text?

(71 Posts)
SeeingTheLight Sat 18-May-13 23:45:44

Asked friend if she would like to go out for dinner next Saturday.

She replied back saying -

"I am fully booked all through May and the start of June. Maybe later in June"

..... I just feel a it hmm like I am trying to book a dinner with a famous person through their PA or something.

It's comepletely fine that she can't do Saturday but I just don't buy that someone would be busy every single night between now and the end the middle of June.

Aibu?

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 18-May-13 23:52:20

YANBU, that is a rude response.

I personally wouldn't necessarily doubt that she is booked up (she probably doesn't mean every night, but maybe every weekend night), but responding like this is socially inept, IMO.

StuntGirl Sat 18-May-13 23:53:43

Well, she replied in a bit of a twatty way but its possible she's genuinely busy til then. I'm busy almost every weekend for the next few weeks, and the odd days I have off are earmarked for blissful nothingness grin

Sh1ney Sat 18-May-13 23:54:38

People like this make me laugh. I know a few of them. Just say ' fair enough ' and don't try and 'book' with her again.

apostropheuse Sat 18-May-13 23:55:17

She might presume you would only want to go out on a Saturday night and all of those are booked, rather than every night between now and the middle of June.

Have you had any arguments recently? Do you think she's deliberately avoiding you?

Is she maybe short of money but doesn't want to say she's skint?

flanbase Sat 18-May-13 23:55:53

I like the 'maybe later in June' - lol She has a schedule

Ask someone else.

Doubtfuldaphne Sat 18-May-13 23:56:02

Who does she think she is!

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 18-May-13 23:57:18

I would be ( or rather the dc are) fully booked probsbly until July.

chubbychipmonk Sat 18-May-13 23:58:58

Fuck her! Next time she asks you if you're free tell her you'll need to consult your social secretary & get back to her grin

It's not the fact she's busy it's the way she's replied.

lowercase Sun 19-May-13 00:02:10

I received a reply a while ago " if I haven't heard from X by tomorrow, lets do something "
How I laughed!

Agree with shiney, fade it out.

BreasticlesNTesticles Sun 19-May-13 00:02:14

But if it's true then not much else she can suggest.

Certainly could have put it in a more friendly way though

lowercase Sun 19-May-13 00:03:46

Thing is, if you are friends, you offer an alternative
I do anyway...

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 00:09:22

I like the 'maybe later in June'

I think it's that part that was pretty much the cherry on top.

I can imagine if I asked her later in June, I would probably be told to ask again in August.

Leeds2 Sun 19-May-13 00:13:56

Wait for her to suggest a date. Then tell her that you're busy!

meganorks Sun 19-May-13 00:16:47

Its a bit of a twatty reply in terms of how its phrased but you tend to keep it short in a text. She is probably meaning Saturdays or weekends rather than every single night.
I have friends who book things in and plan their weekends ages in advance. I don't see why this is a problem. If you want to do something with her then get a date set in. If I got that reply I would just respond suggesting a date from mid June.

Bobyan Sun 19-May-13 00:16:54

I think your reply should be "that's a shame, as its the only free Saturday I have for the next 4 months. And that's only because someone else has had to cancel." grin

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 00:18:10

I thought the same lowercase

If she'd replied, I'm fully booked until mid June but how about the 22nd or a weekday? - that would have been completely fine and a total non-issue.

meganorks Sun 19-May-13 00:22:04

And why would you wait till mid June to ask again? Why wouldn't you arrange something now? That's how she has got booked up in the first place - other people have arranged to do stuff with her in advance.

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 00:26:26

Exactly mega - I should just take the hint.

Picturepuncture Sun 19-May-13 00:28:07

I would reply, 'June is v. busy for me as well. Give me a call in a couple of weeks if you have a free night'

Then I'd never call her again if she didn't call me blush

CaptainKirksNipples Sun 19-May-13 00:28:20

Agree if she had put a suggestion of another day it wouldn't be too bad, but it would've been very annoying for you to go through the whole

"what about next sat?"
"No I'm busy then."
"Saturday after?"
"Nope got plans then too."
"Saturday after that?"
Etc...

Think it was good of her to be clear at the start, but I would wait until she suggests a night

CaptainKirksNipples Sun 19-May-13 00:32:32

Actually that is only 2-3 weekends isn't it? It's nearly the end of may now! Think you are being a bit mean, she may only have 26th, 2nd June and maybe the 9th booked. Asking to organise later in the month my friends would understand as it can be expensive and not a usual cost in my budgeting!

Saddayinspring2 Sun 19-May-13 00:34:37

It's the maybe that gets me..unless it had a ? at the end so then you text back ok 23 rd then etc

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 00:46:45

There wasn't a ? at the end Sad

sad

Saddayinspring2 Sun 19-May-13 00:57:14

Ah, telling you not asking you... How magnanimous of her to let you re request later on ! Mean and self important! Text back.. Am free ( insert day in June and one in July) . Then leave.

I used to have a friend who, every time I bumped into her kept saying we must meet up for coffee at some future point! She would say she had a busy week but we must rearrange the next week and set a date! It just carried on for ages! Makes you feel totally ridiculous!

fortyplus Sun 19-May-13 01:01:23

A friend contacted me this week and wanted to go out one weekend day. I've just emailed her a list of every single Sat or Sun I have free - ten of them between now and the start of October!!

Patosshades Sun 19-May-13 01:14:06

YANBU, she should have replied with a date she did have free or suggestion at least. "maybe later in June" screams, if nothing better comes up. Silly mare, her loss OP!

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 01:34:56

I should give a little bit of background really.

This is a friend I have grown up with, born only 2 months apart - so have known each other for over 20 years. We did not go to the same school or have ever worked together so don't have the same circles of friends or many mutual friends.

This is a friendship I try and put effort into because I'd be quite sad to lose such a long friendship, but it generally is 90% of the time me asking her if she'd like to go out somewhere.

The last time we went out was 5 months ago.

This text has just sent me sort of finally made me realise how much she doesn't value this friendship. Therefore I have been a bit petulant and text her back and said - ok, forget about it then.

TheSecondComing Sun 19-May-13 01:47:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 02:15:32

TheSecond it's not about her being busy, as it very well may be true.

It was the way it was worded, and the fact that there was a maybe you can try and reschedule with me at a later date.

Everyone is busy, everyone has things going on in their life.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 19-May-13 02:29:08

'I''m fully booked' is just a phrase people use surely. It's not meant to be offensive.

The lack of question mark could just be a typo.

People are busy.

I'd just text back 'ok, I'm free 25th June or 3rd of July, do either of those suit?' and see what she says.

MyShoofly Sun 19-May-13 02:33:57

I have a "friend" who does this all the time.....except she is the least busy person I know hmm. only you know this friend though OP....maybe she genuinely has a lot on the go this month.

squoosh Sun 19-May-13 03:16:45

She's clearly a twat.

What's her name Eltonette John?

RollingThunder Sun 19-May-13 05:23:24

I once called my sister in November. Mobile to mobile so she had a missed call from me. I got a text later that said. 'Really busy at the moment but should be able to talk next year!!!'

We weren't close, I did all the running. I stopped after that and, surprise surprise she didn't pick up the slack! She has only met my children 3 times and only one of those was actually down to her making any kind of effort!

SarahAndFuck Sun 19-May-13 05:40:02

Her saying "maybe later in June" without offering an actual date would, depending on my mood, make me think that either she didn't have her diary with her to suggest a firm date or it would make me think she was waiting to see if a better offer came in for later in June before committing to me.

Just saying maybe later in June means that you would then have to text or call her again, perhaps more than once, to say "what about the 15th?", "how about the 22nd", "is the 29th any good for you?" until either you got the message that she didn't want to meet up or she finally committed to an actual date.

maddening Sun 19-May-13 05:52:45

I would just reply - well let me know if you have a date that you would fancy a catch up meal on. Leave it at that - ball's in her court then - and if she doesn't come back to you don't fret over it.

Numberlock Sun 19-May-13 06:08:47

I'm not defending the abruptness of the text but I sympathise with having to run my 'social calendar' like my work one and book friends in weeks or months in advance, otherwise it wouldn't happen.

Wuxiapian Sun 19-May-13 07:01:41

YANBU.

Be busy when she's finally got time for you!

UptheChimney Sun 19-May-13 07:18:30

Goodness some very intolerant respons here. I know what I'm doing practically every at and night until the first week in June, and certainly most weekends through to July. I do a lot -- that's my life. Why is it that that is so rude?

SprinkleLiberally Sun 19-May-13 07:18:38

Agree it is easy to be booked up for weeks, but the tone was a bit hmmm

UptheChimney Sun 19-May-13 07:25:24

but the tone was a bit hmmm

Aaah, I see. You know what I notice in here us how much texting (rather than actually TALKING) causes misunderstandings between people.

I've often said that I'm booked up, but if I say it, it's usually apologetically and a bit of-mocking because I'm soooooo important < joke >

Vividmemories Sun 19-May-13 07:31:40

I am currently the 'other woman' in a similar scenario, in that I've sent a similar message to someone recently. I'm trying to let the friendship fizzle out and hoping she gets the hint that I don't want to see her any more! I'm gutless. But your assessment of the situation sounds about right OP, sorry.

littlewhitebag Sun 19-May-13 07:37:17

Thing is with texts is you don't know the context of what she was doing when she replied or the tone she was implying. She might have been in a rush and just keen to respond to you and didn't think too much bout the actual words or at work (hence the use of a work like phrase.) If someone text me that reply i wouldn't even think twice about it.

OnwardBound Sun 19-May-13 07:42:11

I completely get where you are coming from OP.

I think it's fine that this friend is busy until possibly the end of June.

But the tone of her text was so dismissive of you, intentionally or not.

It was rude and thoughtless.

If she wanted to indicate that she valued you and wanted to meet up at some point in the future she should have made more of an effort.

If she truly didn't know when she would next be free, ie didn't have her diary on her or something, well she could have mentioned that in the text and also added 'Will check my diary and get back to you asap'. That would have been quick and easy, took me all of 2 seconds to write and probably would have made you feel a whole lot better.

Or why couldn't she have said 'So sorry, This month and June is pretty hectic, but are you free in July?'

We all know that texting can be a little short and sharp [not always meant] but it is always helpful to still be polite and considerate of the feelings of the person you are texting!

alpinemeadow Sun 19-May-13 08:08:38

Second all those who say texting can lead to problems - it can be very difficult to know whether someone is giving you the brush off or just has a diferent texting style!
I've come to the conclusion that unless someone actually says 'you are the most loathsome person i've ever met' or similar in a text, you can't be certain they're brushing you off - though they may be, and that's the problem! I certainly wouldn't assume other woman in this case doesn't want to see you op (but i completely understand how you felt)

WhatDoesTheDogSay Sun 19-May-13 08:14:06

YA maybe BU, but I would be annoyed by that text too and agree that it sounds like your friend is waiting for a better offer.

DIYapprentice Sun 19-May-13 08:15:08

If it's someone you know well and can joke with, why wouldn't you just send back a text saying 'Just give me a bloody date, X!!!'?

I send texts like this - my friends know I am direct, so it doesn't result in fall-outs. If I sent this I would expect a text back suggesting a date at the end of June.

everlong Sun 19-May-13 08:33:44

I would have replied ' oh I'm really sorry I've got stuff on every sarurday till x June can I get back to you ASAP? Would love to see you. Type of thing.

Is she always a bit stuffy?

alpinemeadow Sun 19-May-13 08:42:10

Also about the failure to suggest a return date (though this ow did sort of at least envisage the possibility of one).
I'm not certain any longer that that means 'go away' - although for me the convention would be to suggest an altenative or at the very least say would love to see you, not sure about dates, can i get back to you, i think that's not a universal convention. Some people just respond to the question 'can you do x' date,?'with 'no', because that is the question that they were asked! Not necessarily trying to get rid of you - but sometimes they are, and how are we verbose types supposed to tell which is which?

UptheChimney Sun 19-May-13 09:07:25

I've come to the conclusion that unless someone actually says 'you are the most loathsome person i've ever met' or similar in a text, you can't be certain they're brushing you off - though they may be, and that's the problem! I certainly wouldn't assume other woman in this case doesn't want to see you op

But what I get quite shock about in here, is how many AIBU stories involve texting quite serious stuff. Surely, you say things to people's faces if you have something important or significant to say to them?

Maybe its becaus I am such a sloooow texter that its easier to email, or pick up the phone.

Or maybe I'm just old & old-fashioned (well I know Im middle-aged eeek)

ControlGeek Sun 19-May-13 09:44:58

If she does it again, just text back 'ok, have your PA talk to my PA and see if they can work out a date'

Bowlersarm Sun 19-May-13 09:53:45

YANBU

My first free Saturday is 27th July <proud emoticon>. However if I were your friend I would have text back something like 'sorry can't make next Saturday but can you do x y z date'

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sun 19-May-13 09:56:19

I think you are being abit over sensitive tbh. I think you was just giving you to opportunity to say when you are free in June.

scaevola Sun 19-May-13 10:03:13

Well, the next two weekends are either side of half term so plans may well be in place and at takes us into June. One event the next weekend after that then puts you into the second half of June. So I don't think it's an unusual level of busyness.

And her intention by suggesting the second half of June could simply be an indication of when she is free. If you want to see her, suggest a date then. If you're not sure about the friendship, then you can let it slide.

Saddayinspring2 Sun 19-May-13 10:47:58

<grin>@*controlgeek*, good idea

Saddayinspring2 Sun 19-May-13 10:48:11

Oops

Mia4 Sun 19-May-13 11:09:34

YANBU, that text was abrupt anyway but given the added context with you being the only one pushing for meet ups 90% of the time and her not bothering, it sounds like she's really reached the point of seriously not bothering.

I'd just let her be, if she does value your friendship then she'll text you about meeting up sometime but I'd treat this as closure myself that the desire for friendships not there anymore.

SeeingTheLight Sun 19-May-13 11:13:15

If she does it again, just text back 'ok, have your PA talk to my PA and see if they can work out a date'

Hahaha, or maybe -

Have your people speak to my people and see if we can't start a dialogue.

DoJo Sun 19-May-13 12:39:54

I don't see what's so bad about it - she answered your question and gave you an idea of when she might be free. She perhaps hasn't got her diary on her whilst texting, or didn't make an effort to make it clear that she wants to see you, but if you are annoyed with the way she treats you generally then that is probably why you find her response rude - of itself it really isn't that bad.

MrsMelons Sun 19-May-13 12:42:59

I am booked up every weekend until mid July so it is quite possible, I am not a celebrity just always seem to be busy.

I am not sure why you don't book in a date for the end of June now so its sorted? Although if the text is exactly as you have written then it does seem a bit short!

Lovingfreedom Sun 19-May-13 12:46:14

Your friend sounds very popular and important and you should be flattered that she's got a window of opportunity at the end of June

twooter Sun 19-May-13 13:07:57

Tbh, if I've had a run of busy weekends, then I crave a quiet one. Maybe she just can't bring herself to organise something else. Sometimes you just want free weekends, so you can be spontaneous , and do whatever you feel like at the time.

alpinemeadow Sun 19-May-13 13:26:25

Upthechimney i agree, texting has turned out to be a fraught activity! Particularly as i think sometimes people text precisely when things are awkward, to avoid having to speak to the person - which makes it worse. Always pick up the phone if it's difficult subject matter and you value the friendship!
Then we have the whole area of not replying to texts - which i think can often/at least occasionally be because the text has not arrived or has been overlooked. Though to be fair that problem happened with not replying to answerphone messages as well.
So yes in some ways its better to phone and speak - but the reality is that some people don't really want to be phoned, we are used to text and email. So we plough on, using all the different methods at our disposal...are we that much better off? A bit, probably.

fortyplus Tue 21-May-13 14:09:15

People lead busy lives...

I recently sent a friend details of every single weekend day I have free over the summer and this is the list:

16 June
6&7 July
3, 10/11, 17, 24/25/26 August
29 September

August looks good!!

grants1000 Tue 21-May-13 14:35:01

I have a friend like that, are used to have, because not only did she use fully booked all the time, she'd say yes then cancel at the last min as something better came up, she asked me recently why I had not been touch and I told her why and she had no idea and was quite upset and sorry, I said I was a friend not a colleague and she agreed she'd been a bit twattish.

Sadly, there are certain months during the year that my text messages go out like that, if they go out as an answer at all. During particularly busy periods at work (all March, all April), I drift off mid-way through conversations / text messages. I am crazily busy during that period.
This year, I was working @ 11 at night, and had got a message on facebook on my phone from a friend. I replied an answer with a swift "still working". She'd replied but then I got side-tracked and totally forgot to answer, so came across as being really rude. I really didn't mean to, but it's enough to keep track of work and family at that time, everything else falls by the wayside.
I generally do warn everybody ahead of time that I'm not going to be my usual responsive self until May, and fortunately most of my friends work in the same environment so understand as they're just as crap as I am.
She may not realise how rude she came across in the message. Maybe point it out to her. If she doesn't have mitigating circumstances, then ditch given you are doing all the running. Once I get out of April, I pick back up on all my outstanding conversations and hope people get why I haven't been in touch!

KellyElly Tue 21-May-13 14:54:01

But if she had have put 'can't make sat, sorry', then you would have said 'what about xxx' and then she would have said 'I'm really sorry I'm fully booked until the end of June'. It would all have come to the same conclusion really. She was just saving you a game of text tennis. You are being a bit precious IMO.

wigglesrock Tue 21-May-13 14:59:26

I send texts like that! My husband works shifts, weekends and is doing a rake of overtime. I sent a text like that to a friend last week shock . We don't have a free weekend night until mid July, my friend just went "fuck you're busy" and I went "yup" - no big drama, no slights intended.

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