stranger giving my child money

(225 Posts)
PipkinsPal Mon 20-May-13 20:05:13

It's a Welsh thing too. My Aunties used to try to give me and my DSis money when we were little but because we had been told not to accept money we would try and refuse. In the end my Dad told us say "No thank you" twice and then on the third insistence say "Thank you very much" and take it.

agedknees Mon 20-May-13 19:58:23

I give a pound coin to all the babies in the outpatient clinic I work in. Maybe that's why I am known as the old mad nurse.

GrendelsMum Sun 19-May-13 21:58:25

DO I count at the oldest person to be given money for sweets? A few years back, I helped out an elderly lady who was confused about which platform she should be on at the station, carried her bag to the right train, etc etc. as she got in the train she gave me a pound 'to buy myself some chocolate with'. I was aged about 32 at the time...

englishrosie Sun 19-May-13 21:37:57

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Pouncer1 Sat 18-May-13 21:57:32

Silver is for good luck. My DCs would bring home £5-£10 sometimes after sitting in the trolley in tesco for an hour. In Wales this is completely normal.

ThisIsMummyPig Sat 18-May-13 21:40:42

This reminds me of when I was having a nightmare in tescos with a tantrumming 2yo, and a wilful 4yo. In the end I was pushing the trolley with my belly and wrists, holding the rigid 2yo, while the 4yo put food in the trolley.

I could only buy food from the bottom three shelves, but I had to get some stuff.

Near the end an old lady saw how helpful DD1 was being and tried to give her money for sweets. I was a bit embarrassed, and really didn't want to have to backtrack to the sweetie aisle.

She looked in her purse, and couldn't find a coin, she was so mortified I ended up giving money to DD1 myself. Then I gave DD2 a coin, and she stopped tantrumming. The same woman saw me at the till with the angelic children, we had a nice chat

Then DD2 wet herself, in the trolley seat, all over my shopping.

Floggingmolly Sat 18-May-13 21:21:44

It's definitely an Irish thing smile. There was nothing secretive about it, op, what sinister reason did you imagine was behind it?

pigletmania Sat 18-May-13 19:35:08

Yabvvvu what a kind man. Not all men are paedo you know. Accept his money with good grace and mabey pop it in a charity collection. This used to happen when I was a kid

ladymariner Sat 18-May-13 19:26:11

Yeah a piece of silver pressed into the baby's palm is definitely supposed to bring good luck, ds ended up with a nice little amount to put into his money box.

gobbledegook1 Sat 18-May-13 11:04:17

Its a supersticious thing. Its supposed to be a silver coin though, crossing a baby / young childs palm with silver is supposed to bring luck / good fortune. My friend gave my eldest a fifty pence as a baby for this reason.

edwardsmum11 Sat 18-May-13 09:36:23

Don't see the issue.

overprotection Sat 18-May-13 09:30:52

I realise there are a few weirdos about these days but really?

The only increase in weirdos 'these days' is amongst weirdo parents who think anybody who interacts with their child is a paedo.

Supposed to be good luck. People have given my babies 50p. 'Crossing their Palms with silver'

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 18-May-13 09:05:50

YABU, the fact that you, your DH & some of your friends found an act of kindness weird is more worrying hmm

Kafri Sat 18-May-13 08:37:25

I could understand you op if you were saying you were walking up the street and a crazy looking man/lady came chasing after you to thrust money at you ds but really? a man you have already let interact with your child, got on well with him and then treated him to a 'penny' to treat himself.

I realise there are a few weirdos about these days but really?

and as for going home to get support from dh over why its wrong...

whats wrong with 'oh we had a lovely day having pictures taken and the kimd photographer gave ds 2 quid afterwards for being so entertaining'

HollyBerryBush Sat 18-May-13 08:32:51

One thing my Geordie Nan used to do was stick a 10p coin into any Champagne corkscrew used for Celebratory things then give it to the youngest child. Anyone else know of this?

My best mates family did this - they were of Irish descent.

Never come across anyone else doing it.

Putting a silver sixpence was quite common when I was growing up. Ditto you never gift a purse without a coin in it.

I've come to the conclusion that all these old traditions die out because neurotic mothers think everyone else is a weirdo/paedo it's absolutely ridiculous. No wonder social skills are so lacking in some quarters.

greenformica Sat 18-May-13 08:32:31

It's quite an old fashioned thing to do. As a child I was often given money by older strangers - male and female. I think it's a generation thing. As a family we had little money due to my dads job but we were very charitable too.

Selks Sat 18-May-13 08:27:58

I think things like this are really sweet actually. My grown up son still remembers fondly the day a market stall holder gave him the hugest strawberry from the pile on the stall.

PastaBeeandCheese Sat 18-May-13 08:22:10

YABU. As OPs have said he was just being nice. It has never occurred to me that anyone would mind this.... DD has been given coins before by people who have said she has made their day with her antics.

In fact I once gave a 5 Euro note to a little girl on a flight who made me laugh the whole time. I told her it was for ice creams on her holiday. I hope her parents didn't think I was a weirdo child catcher.

It sounds as though it was just a lovely gesture as your boy had been excellent in his behaviour.
Years ago it was tradition for older folk to produce a pound coin from begind a child's ear.

If this was a child out alone, then yes I would find it suspect but considering you we're with your child I can't see why you would assume anything other than gratefulness tbh.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sat 18-May-13 08:05:50

A sad sign of the times that something do innocent has now got this sort of reaction.

An old gent at church used to bring me sweets every week, guess he must have been trying to groom me hmm

sashh Fri 17-May-13 07:09:33

but apparently it's lucky to put it in the child's palm

It's superposed to show what the child will do with money as an adult, if they hold on they will be a saver, if they drop it the will fritter money away - eating it confused

One thing my Geordie Nan used to do was stick a 10p coin into any Champagne corkscrew used for Celebratory things then give it to the youngest child. Anyone else know of this?

Not to give to a child but for luck, or to mark a celebration so if you order champagne to celebrate getting engaged someone should do the coin (silver) in the cork for you to keep.

louisianablue2000 Thu 16-May-13 17:50:25

It's very common where I'm from (north of Scotland), my cousin would go for a walk round town with her PFB if she needed some loose change. We now live in the (English) north east and it has never happened to me here, and I'm quite happy to chat to random old folk about the bairns.

OP relax, it was just a nice gesture. Nothing sinister about it at all.

PearlyWhites Thu 16-May-13 17:39:21

Err that's a very normal thing to do especially if the man was of the older generation. Why would you be freaked out by kindness?

JustinBiebermakesmevom Thu 16-May-13 17:37:29

Glasgow here and whilst "older" people definitely almost always give the baby "some silver" , my two have also been given money in the pram by younger women (20-30's). I think I got more with DS as he was an absolutely beautiful baby. Blonde hair, big blue eyes and a happy wee chubby face. I remember a Big Issue seller who was a bit worse for wear remarking "Aww hen, check the mince pies oan your wean !" Think it was a compliment.

I understand your concerns if you've recently had the shock of the news of your former friend but I'm sure this guy meant no harm. Maybe it just made a change for him to work with such a happy co-operative child ?

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 16-May-13 16:59:20

Used to be done Up North a lot. Usually the older generation. As long as long as you impress he must only accept things when you/DP/Granny/Uncle Tom Cobly is around, no harm done.

Gracelo Thu 16-May-13 16:52:09

Totally common in Southern Germany where I grew up, don't know if they still do it there but would be surprised if they didn't.
dd got coins when she was a new baby in Dundee, it never happened to ds as a baby here at the West coast of Scotland, but he is a winter baby, maybe we just didn't get out with him enough.

It's just kindness. I've had it done to me, had it done to mine and done it to others! Soon all the random acts of kindness will be squashed out of the world because they are deemed "weird" or "creepy" sad

Sianilaa Thu 16-May-13 16:33:20

In fact I remember being 11/12 and getting the train to school. Often we'd get chatting to people on the train and they'd press 50p into my hand or whatever. It was really nice!

Sianilaa Thu 16-May-13 16:31:46

What's worrying and offensive about a small child being given a 50p or £1?

When my two were little we used to chat to people in the supermarket and they'd often be given coins for being well behaved and smiley. It was really sweet! We'd just pop them in their money boxes, you don't have to buy sweets with it if that's what bothers you.

What's the problem?!

MrsRickyMartin Thu 16-May-13 16:01:19

Old fashioned but harmless.

My DS was given 50 p by an old colleague, he said they used to give silver to babies.

I gave sweets to a child when I was pregnant ( I used to carry sweets in my handbag when pregnant), his mum was breastfeeding his sister and he was running. I thought it would help his mum.

I can't believe this is offensive now sad

rainbowbrite1980 Thu 16-May-13 15:36:40

I've never heard iof it happening and I wouldn't feel comfortable.

MrsKoala Thu 16-May-13 15:20:55

we have loads of 'lucky corks' (sarf lahnden). i think traditionally it was a sixpence or threepenny bit.

Mamf74 Thu 16-May-13 15:18:05

Corkscrew - corks!

Mamf74 Thu 16-May-13 15:16:46

MiL told me about this when DD was born, and for research purposes I can say Yorkshire is way more into this tradition than SE London smile.

One thing my Geordie Nan used to do was stick a 10p coin into any Champagne corkscrew used for Celebratory things then give it to the youngest child. Anyone else know of this?

MrsKoala Thu 16-May-13 14:27:46

Silver for a baby is considered lucky (why all christening presents are silver). When i was a baby mum took me to the pub and the locals filled pint pots with silver coins. I made £40 and that was in 1977!

KellyElly Thu 16-May-13 13:40:47

DD accumulates quite a few things from strangers but so far never money (must not be a SE10 thing grin). She was been given a Werther's Original and a pocket torch by complete strangers in the last week!

SunnyL Thu 16-May-13 13:34:51

I used to spend most summers in Greece - with white blonde hair I'd make a killing whenever we went near shops. The shopkeepers would come out to touch my hear and give me either money or sweeties - my poor sister who wasn't as blonde as me never made as much money..

woopsidaisy Thu 16-May-13 13:33:30

The first time we got a taxi to the airport with DSs 1 & 2 we had the loveliest taximan. The boys were about 6 and 4, and in open mouthed awe at the experience if being in a mini van! grin
They said thank you after and the taxi man gave them a £1 each. He said they had made his day, and were to buy themselves something on holiday.
DH and I thought it was lovely!
YABU OP. Relax a little!

Pagwatch Thu 16-May-13 13:25:55

<<unclenches>>

My dad always used to put a silver coin in a pram/cot as a good luck thing.

Rhiana1979 Thu 16-May-13 13:21:14

I would have said its a Scottish thing, mostly done by older people. I'd also heard of older folks tucking coins into babies prams, sometimes complete strangers and not necessarily just good acquaintances.

I found pound coins in my (then) 4 month old's pram when I went to put her in after a feed at a funeral wake. It was a Scottish funeral, I'd never heard of it before and never knew who put the money in.

K8Middleton Thu 16-May-13 13:06:40

Easy Pag. Remember your blood pressure wink

But yeah, 50s is hardly geriatric. Most of my friends in their 50s have primary school aged DC.

Londonseye Thu 16-May-13 13:04:42

Haha!! It is very normal. My kids often get money from strangers because they are "beautiful" or just stood nicely, or played nicely etc. When they were babies, if we took a trip around Morrisons, their pushchairs would often get filled with coins from lovely ladies. We are scottish and it is old fashioned but still done.

Pagwatch Thu 16-May-13 13:00:32

DS1 got loads of money
DD just got random people coming over and telling me variously
"she has an old soul"
"she has been here before"
"she is a crystal child"
"her eyes drew me over here"

confused

It was very weird. The money was way better

BoreOfWhabylon Thu 16-May-13 12:57:04

This is most definitely a West Country thing. Bristol, to be exact, from whence, via Bristol's seafaring heritage, it has been exported all over the globe.

I am very old quite mature. In my youth, I well remember myself, siblings and assorted cousins sitting on the wall outside the pub waiting for my Granfer (Bristolian grandfather) to come out on a Saturday lunchtime (the pubs used to close and then open again in the evening). Granfer was usually the last out and we always made a killing from him and his mates. Always silver coins - sixpences, shillings and even occasionally half-crowns (eight to the pound!). Always 'for the babbies to buy sweeties'

Also the coin in the purse thing - it means that the purse will never be empty.

Pagwatch Thu 16-May-13 12:55:49

Fuck off with the 'in his 50s so an older person thing'

Dear God. [pissed off face]

Cakecrumbsinmybra Thu 16-May-13 12:55:11

My son made about £30 the first time we took him out in his pram!

Wow, I need to move there! OP, I do think you are really overreacting. Would it have been different if it was a woman?

A little old lady insisted on giving DS2 a £1 about 6 months ago in a supermarket. I tried to refuse, but tbh, I could see she really wanted to give it to him. He was only 18 months, so I put it in a children's charity box.

I certainly wouldn't recommend you have 'words with the lady who runs toddler group.'

Nicolaeus Thu 16-May-13 12:49:35

From experience it doesn't seem to be a Brummie thing or a French thing sad angry

grin

I think its definitely a thing that gives the giver pleasure. As PP said, as lot of it for the older generation will be thinking of their family members.

buswanker Thu 16-May-13 12:22:33

I live in Devon and this has happened a few times to my babies.
A few weeks ago a old lady have my baby a fifty pence. I told her he had been poorly when he was born and she kissed him and cuddled him.
It made her happy and me. Made my miss my nan a bit as it was just so lovely.
I have kept the fifty pence for luck this time.

melika Thu 16-May-13 10:53:10

Wish it were a Brummie thing, my DC rarely got anything!!

DeWe Thu 16-May-13 10:46:26

When dd1 was about 2 or 3, we were in a shop and an old man asked me to pick up something from the bottom shelf for him. Dd1 bent down and got it, and he had a little chat with her. Later we were leaving the shop, he bent over to her whispered something and left.

Dd1 showed me he'd given her two pounds, and whispered to her, ask mummy to buy you a little present.
She was delighted and we went and spent it straight away.

I saw him a few weeks later and we went and thanked him.

He said he didn't see his grandchildren as they were aboard, and he missed not being able to give them the little treats that he could if he was with them. So he looked out for children about their age and gave them a little something, so he could see their faces light up.
He had tears in his eyes when he said that, and he was so pleased when dd1 told him what she'd got, and gave him a hug.

I found out later he'd died a week later sad

dipitydoyou Thu 16-May-13 10:25:26

kind gestures are few and far between I mean! not giving my DD money wink

dipitydoyou Thu 16-May-13 10:24:23

Haven't read the whole thread but personally I think you and your DH are massively overreacting.
Last week a lovely old couple gave my DD a pound whilst we were in the Q at the supermarket as she "looked so cute in her fairy costume" (that she refused to take off post party hmm) they said she reminded them of their GD when she was little and told her to buy some sweets with it. I remember thinking what a kind gesture, and so few and far between these days, sad really.

PeppermintPasty Thu 16-May-13 10:23:59

I love the way everyone's owning it on here, "definitely a Scottish/Welsh/Irish/English/Southern/Northern thing". I think that tells you all you need to know OP. It's entirely normal and has happened to both my dc. I love it!

I live in Cornwall. Definitely a Cornish thing wink

Very normal around these parts.

Awomansworth Thu 16-May-13 10:09:51

It happened a lot with me when my twin sons were younger... it was mainly the older generation who would stop to talk to them and would fish coins out of their purses/pockets to give to them.

My elderly aunt does it too, definitely nothing sinister behind it.

MiaowTheCat Thu 16-May-13 10:09:23

Think it's quite a generational thing - DD1 managed to fleece pretty much an entire northern local council out of pound coins when she was tiny!

As for the tourist thing - we took my identical twin cousins to a big touristy place once - think there was more attention focused on these two girls with identical auburn ringlets (sooo jealous... then they discovered GHDs and hair dye!) than the attraction in question!

Wallison Thu 16-May-13 10:04:34

he has also had his picture taken by strangers one a group of Japanese tourists as they loved his hair

^^ This happened to my DS one time - there was a whole load of Japanese tourists photographing a local church and as we walked past they started cooing and fussing all over him and asked me if they could take his picture because his hair was so nice! I felt flattered on his behalf and he fairly lapped up the attention.

McKayz Thu 16-May-13 10:01:42

This is very very normal where I live in Yorkshire. All 3 of my DC have been given money. One of XHs friends Mum gave them each £20!! She wouldn't take it back so it went in their bank accounts.

Your reaction was very sad indeed.

nameuschangeus Thu 16-May-13 10:01:21

I think we've certainly established that it's a thing grin

burberryqueen Thu 16-May-13 09:59:01

anyway it is normal and you are probably over- reacting.

burberryqueen Thu 16-May-13 09:57:56

not sure if it is a 'Northern thing' at all - happened a few times in South London where strangers wanted to press money into the twins' hands for good luck, when they were tiny - i think they were Jamaican people but cannot really remember.

melika Thu 16-May-13 09:56:15

I also had lots Irish friends of my Dads handing us money, we were bloody grateful. Dad used to tell us off for accepting. But it was great to given anything.

I wouldn't read too much into it, I think your child must have touched his heart, maybe reminded him of somebody, take it for what it is, generosity.

Clawdy Thu 16-May-13 09:55:38

I meant YOUR over-reaction is sad,OP.

Mimishimi Thu 16-May-13 09:55:28

argh.... typed on the phone..

Clawdy Thu 16-May-13 09:54:19

What an over-reaction,OP. Very sad.

Mimishimi Thu 16-May-13 09:53:40

If strangers were coming up to my kids on the street because of yheir overwhelming cuteness and offering them, I'd very graciously accept it on their behalf grin Later I'd tell the kids that it always has to go through managemen firstt - aka dad or me..

I'm Irish and it's very common here for older people to give coins or sweets to children. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been in the supermarket and someone in the queue has bought sweets for my kids.

It's just a nice thing to do, they see a well behaved child and want to reward their good behaviour.

cantspel Thu 16-May-13 09:45:10

I think it is more strange that both you, your husband and circle of friends seem to think that there is something weird about a act of kindness that should be accepted with a smile and thankyou.

What is the world coming to when people look for some sinister motive everytime someone does something nice for another.

SolomanDaisy Thu 16-May-13 08:49:12

How bizarre that your child has reached 3 without getting given anything from a stranger. Totally normal. I can barely get to the shops without DS getting something random. The man who runs the drugs accessories shop gave him a mini twix the other day (we're not in the UK). Do you go out much? Cos it's also pretty bizarre that your child doesn't recognise what money is!

coldwater Thu 16-May-13 08:33:56

I would say he was being kind. My children have been given money from strangers too after speaking to them, usually elderly people. I was in the shop with my 5 year old last year, another customer thought she was so cute he asked me if he could buy her a packet of sweets. lol

GladbagsGold Thu 16-May-13 08:32:48

So its a south, midlands, north, Irish, Welsh, Scottish, mediteranean, catholic, pub, old people, young people tradition.

MrsKoala Thu 16-May-13 08:24:11

Nah - it's a pub thing!

Every time i take DS to the pub someone comes over and presses money into his hand. The only thing that bothers me is he's 8mo and puts it in his mouth. I have tried to intervene and take it, but apparently it's lucky to put it in the child's palm - erm not very lucky if they choke on it confused

kungfupannda Thu 16-May-13 08:15:56

Definitely a northern thing [gin]

My baby book has a reference to me being "given silver" when I went for my first outing.

And I remember being given the odd pound or fifty pence from older people when I was a child.

its just a nice gesture.. my elderly neighbour saves all her coppers and gives us 2 quid for the DC's every time she gets that many. she always gives them an easter egg and an xmas selection box too.

We also get handed money in the pub quite a bit.. there is one we vist where we holiday regularly and there is a guy in there who always gives the kids some change to play on the football table or for a game of pool!

BlackAffronted Thu 16-May-13 08:03:02

My son made about £30 the first time we took him out in his pram! A mixture of it being pension day, a sunny Scottish day (rare!) and him being teeny (5lbs). He still gets a penny (£1) from the old lady he chats to on the way to nursery. Old people love little kids, and like to treat them. In their day, a penny for sweets was a much bigger treat than it is now.

Foxy800 Thu 16-May-13 07:58:55

I think the man was just being nice. I would however have been worried if he had given it to the child without an adult around but that isn't the case here so no I wouldn't be worried.

zzzzz Thu 16-May-13 07:56:32

Yes an Arab thing, and a Malaysian thing and a Chinese thing .....

loofet Thu 16-May-13 07:54:28

Why is this weird? confused

Old people have given our DC coins before to 'buy sweets' or they say 'don't spend it all at once!' We've tried to tell them no but they force it and say 'it's for the kiddies!'. Also when I was a kid I remember oldies doing the exact same thing or even just giving me sweets.

So what? They weren't budding paedophiles, just kind people doing a nice thing for small children. This photographer was the exact same. God, what sort of a world has the media turned this world into? YABVVVU.

Branleuse Thu 16-May-13 07:33:46

never happened to my kids. they must all be tight in north essex.

Bertrude Thu 16-May-13 07:30:18

Can I add an Arabic thing too?

My friends were at the mall with their daughter who was about 11 months old at the time, and she was really taken with a hat that had Dora on it. Her parents went to pay for the things they'd bought (typical just-setting-up-home-in-a-new-country type mothercare stuff) and a local man with his little girl who was a similar age, queued up behind them with 2 Dora hats, paid for them, and put one on my friends daughter's head and said that she had the most beautiful smile in the world. And walked off with a matching hat on his daughter's head.

Same little girl, another day, when she was about 3. An older local gentleman, probably late 60s/early 70s, came over to our table when we were eating lunch and gave her a pink flower and 10 US Dollars. He then left the restaurant without saying a word.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Thu 16-May-13 07:29:19

Perhaps you should talk to your son about being uncommonly chatty to strangers? This would worry me morehmm

My daughter was given a pound by a stranger as we were leaving the hospital when she was a newborn.

Casey Thu 16-May-13 07:27:53

When my boys were little I was very strict about food. Occasionally, as a huge treat, I would take them to the corner shop and they would choose 5p worth of penny sweets. They were delighted with this.

... After a while we stopped going there, because the shop lady clearly felt sorry for them and kept giving them 20p! :-o and telling them to buy some more.

Even after we'd stopped going to the shop, sometimes she would see us walking past and would come out and try and give the kids money!

picnicbasketcase Thu 16-May-13 07:19:37

Old people just like doing that I think. When I was a kid old people would press a coin into our hands and tell us to buy some sweets with it. There isn't necessarily a nefarious motive behind it.

The other day, an elderly chap starting talking to me and DD in a supermarket and then looked a bit nervous and said 'Oh, I shouldn't really speak to children should I? You can get trouble for it nowadays.' Kind of sad he should feel that way really.

I've had this too. Dd1 chatting away in the bus to an old lady and given 50p " to buy some sweets"

People just like chatty friendly children . Please dont think anything sinister it was honestly someone just being nice,

PiratePanda Thu 16-May-13 07:10:50

It's clearly a traditional thing that lots of people, north south catholic mediterranean london wales old young, do like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. Quite sweet really, and not at all weird.

Flossyfloof Thu 16-May-13 07:06:47

My Dad loved giving kids money. Last time he did it , it was a tenner to a baby. I think the photographer was being really mean, show him this and tell him not to be so tight this time. Do you think he was grooming your child in front of you?

kelda Thu 16-May-13 06:55:31

It is wierd thing for a professional photographer to do while they are working. Imagine if they did that with every well behaved child. They would soon go broke. Or maybe notwink.

Also an act of kindness, but wierd all the same.

One of my small children was given money once on a bus in England. Also to buy sweeties. I had the feeling the person who gave it to us wanted us to like her. She was a complete stranger and we never saw her agian.

youarewinning Thu 16-May-13 06:53:23

Another here who thinks it perfectly innocent.

orry to hear about your hock re Uni friend - I understand why your guard is up sad

Moominsarehippos Thu 16-May-13 06:48:15

I've felt the urge sometimes... You know when you see some kids behaving beautifully and being just so darn cute! I once gave a tenner to a mum on the train as I got off to get some icecream for her four kids. They sat throughout a whole journey being so happy, friendly, polite and never bickering! They looked like such a lovely bunch.

differentnameforthis Thu 16-May-13 06:47:05

Not weird at all. Many older people believe the whole 'cross a babies palm with silver' to mean it will bring good luck.

MrsMook Thu 16-May-13 06:46:05

My elderly (N Irish) neighbour has recently crossed my new baby's palm with silver for luck.

It's sad that we live in a world where we do have to feel cautious about strangers interracting with our children, although th risks are no greater than they ever were, and the greater risk is from well known adults.

Timetoask Thu 16-May-13 06:21:27

Op, I would just reinforce to your child that "it was ok to ake the gift because mummy was with you, but must never accept anything on his own"

KatyDid02 Thu 16-May-13 06:16:57

Not weird at all, but if you don't like it then put the money in a charity collection and then you've made it a more positive thing.

znaika Thu 16-May-13 05:54:19

You're all wrong it's clear;ly a Russian thing wink I remember burning with shame when DD threw an almighty tantrum the first time she went on the Metro and didn't get anything. In her mind- public transport = get something from the old ladies (fruit/biscuits/coin)

munchkinmaster Thu 16-May-13 05:50:51

I do think it's not that awful for someone to give a child a coin. Dd had a fair old collection under her mattress in her pram as a newborn. I also used to go see the old lady who lived opposite my gran precisely because I knew she would give me 50p when I was about 8.

BUT

Look at how some people react to it. People get scared these days - of course they do - put on the news. Whether this is right or not I don't know

AND

This guy is a professional photographer who often works with children. Surely he should think about whether there is the tiniest chance he will come across as creepy.

TheFallenNinja Thu 16-May-13 05:31:28

The OP makes me incredibly sad tha this is what we have become.

And your all wrong. It's a cheshire/north Wales border thing.

raisah Thu 16-May-13 04:50:17

Its a shame that the op cant see an act of kindness for what it is and thought that there was a sinister reason behind the gesture. The current news items on child abuse has put all parents on a high state of alert.

raisah Thu 16-May-13 04:46:08

Its also an Asian thing aswell :-) I still get a fiver from my 75 year old uncle when I see him! He tells me to buy sweets for the kids and myself but doesnt include dh!

sashh Thu 16-May-13 04:05:28

Money to me is not a thing to give a small child.

But it was. My Nana had a bracelet, of a child's size made from silver sixpences, the old ones, about 1cm across, it was made up from the money given to her as a baby and in those days did contain silver and could be used if the child needed a tooth out.

I occasionally give money to a child, but I do always ask the parent first.

cjdamoo Thu 16-May-13 03:19:07

First 3 Dc born in the Black Country. Each of them used to come home from a potter round the markets with a pram full of cash from elderly well wishers. Dc 4 was born in London and the man In the Local PO gave him 40 quid to start his savings when we went in to post a letter when he was a few days old, as well as the odd stranger pressing a pound in his hand (I was always terrified he would try eat it)

Dc 5 born in Australia is either not as cute or Aussies dont do it :D

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Thu 16-May-13 03:11:19

I used to get all sorts from strangers and shopkeepers as a precocious little v chatty child. Ice creams, toys, coins, fruit, comics, pens, sweets.
DD is shy so we haven't had it so much, only a few coins for being beautiful.

Chatty children get most of the free stuff I surmise.

It's a chatty thing.

olgaga Thu 16-May-13 02:32:16

It's a global old/young/male/female/relatives/friends/strangers thing.

Nothing to worry about, unless he followed you home.

Poor bloke. grin

TigerSwallowTail Thu 16-May-13 02:29:38

When DS was born I lost count of the amount of strangers that put money in his pram, one man put a £20 note in it. Even now he still gets given coins for sweets and he's 6, I'm always with him and have never thought anything sinister in it, what a shame that you and your husband have thought so badly of a nice gesture.

Bogeyface Thu 16-May-13 02:28:37

And YY to a coin in a purse. I remember one birthday where my mums sister gave me a cheap purse with a penny in it and my mum muttered "tight cow" before I knew what being tight meant grin All I knew was that grandma always put 50p in bags or purses she gave us, must have cost her a fortune!

Bogeyface Thu 16-May-13 02:24:45

My irish family have always pressed pound coins into my childrens hands when they were babies because it brings luck for a wealthy life. Other non irish elderly relatives do it too. I dont think it means anything that this man did it, when you were there and in front of other parents.

I think you are over reacting tbh.

SomethingsUp Thu 16-May-13 01:10:01

In Scotland a new baby often ends up with pound coins placed in their pram, it's traditional.

And then there are the little friendships you strike up in passing, your child chats to an old lady and when you are done she gives them a pound for sweeties.

I've never felt uncomfortable about it.

Mixxy Thu 16-May-13 00:56:12

We used to make out like bandits growing up in Dublin. You always give kids money for sweets at family events etc.

MapofTassie Thu 16-May-13 00:51:55

It's also an Australian thing! DS1 & 2 (probably because of their accent) get given money. They think it is great!

Letitsnow9 Thu 16-May-13 00:13:10

An elderly lady still gives my mum a pound or two to buy me some chocolate! I think it's a nice thing, it's nice to spread happiness around, lovely your child was chatty and a nice gesture from him.

Dubjackeen Wed 15-May-13 23:59:37

I thought this was an Irish tradition grin I know my mother would do it, as for me, I am too tight or broke...
Your little fellow sounds like a dote wink.. Another Irishism. He sounds lovely, and I would not see anything strange about what happened. It was well meant and please take it that way.

muminthecity Wed 15-May-13 23:36:17

My DD has made a fortune in coins from strangers over the years. Two of our neighbours (one old English lady and and an old-ish Jamaican man, if that helps in the argument about the origins grin) still give her a pound at least once a week and she's nearly 8 now! Her best ever result was from a waiter in Spain who gave her 10 euro because she told him it was nearly her birthday and he thought she was rather charming.

When I was little I used to love going to mass with my nana on a Sunday because I knew I'd come home with lots of money from all the old (mostly Irish catholic) women at church.

The guy who gave the money is dumb, like a three year old knows how currency works? He's not right I don't want to accuse him off anything but giving kids money is never a good thing.

ladymariner Wed 15-May-13 23:32:34

Haven't read the whole thread but think you're really overreacting tbh. Maybe he just thought it was a nice thing to do......

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Wed 15-May-13 23:32:11

A lady at church insisted baby DS must take £5 from her saying it was a Caribbean thing.

An old chap who DH nods to in the market and occasionally passes the time of day with pressed £20 on us for DS. We tried to refuse (especially as the gentleman is quite skint), but he insisted. So it could also be a Fenland thing.

perplexedpirate Wed 15-May-13 23:31:24

I remember getting money from 'strangers' and now people give money to DS.
When he was teeny some people used to drop it in his pram!
A bit hmm, but sweet of them.
Lighten up, they're being nice!

birdynumnums Wed 15-May-13 23:26:35

When my son was 1, he was beaming at an old Eastern European lady whilst sat in the trolley at a supermarket. Her eyes filled up and she put a pound in his hand for a bit of luck and for something nice. I thought it was lovely.

UniS Wed 15-May-13 23:22:35

It happened once or twice when my DS was younger. Its an act of kindness generally, sometimes a child reminds people of their own children or grandchildren and they want to "give the child something". I suspect from the comment one lady made that its a "lucky" thing to do in some people eyes. He was given a pound coin "for luck" by a Caterer at a festival who thought he looked cute.

My gran was fond of buying cakes / cups of tea/ even lunch for people who reminded her of her grandchildren. She didn't see that much of us once we were grown up and she missed our company. So she would be nice to other people grandchildren that she bumped into at village coffee mornings.

RedLentil Wed 15-May-13 23:16:25

I do freelance pottering-about-style work in the west of Ireland. My 4-year-old, who often trails along, makes a nice living on the side, and blows it all on smoothies. grin

twofingerstoGideon Wed 15-May-13 23:15:30

Giving money to babies definitely originated in Brighton at the time when the Prince Regent used to mince down the promenade giving pennies to the infants of the hoi polloi.

'Tis nothing to worry about, OP.

StoicButStressed Wed 15-May-13 23:10:52

TooMuch grin at your granny spinning description.

And spot on post too. Hope OP does get the difference between that and real risks.

ImperialBlether Wed 15-May-13 23:09:04

Oh come on, OP, for god's sake! Is a child molester going to stand more chance of molesting a child by giving him some money in a public place and in front of his mum? And when the child is three and has no idea about what anything's worth? Get a grip!

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Wed 15-May-13 23:07:22

Yep old tradition which I too will claim as Scottish grin I got a fair few silver coins in Ds' buggy when he was little for good luck and he still manages a winning smile with some rellies now he's nearly 7 (tends to be haribo or kinder eggs now from them, they have the notorious Glaswegian sweet tooth!)

And yes it is completely verboten to give anyone a wallet, purse or money box as a present without a silver coin in it. My granny would turn in her grave if we did this. Mind you, she would toss spilt salt over her shoulder into the devils eye, never allow shoes on a table, and never ever walked under a ladder either, so she may well be spinning like the hadron collider now anyway.

StoicButStressed Wed 15-May-13 23:06:41

OP - can I be just a tad direct here? Yes? Excellentgrin

Am gutted (both for you, & just per se, and obviously for anyone impactd by him) that your old Uni mate turned out out to be a vile l'il perv.angry That said though, you are - genuinely - not just having an over-reaction here, but bluntly a WHOLLY skewed view of this (apols, but can't help but be direct here.)

CONTEXT: your DC was WITH YOU; was in a SUPERVISED PLACE; with a photographer HIRED BY THE NURSERY.confused Nice bloke of that generation did what countless others have done - and hopefully still will do as long as not utterly terrified they'll have their cards marked as a potential paedosad - and very simply wanted to give your beautiful and well-behaved child a gift.

But you were (& I believe you) freaked out, stunned, & believed yourself to be off-guard. You didn't NEED to be 'on-guard^ in first place. Manifestly you were there, your child was at NO risk, and this was just a bloke being nice. Agree with those who think you and DH may be taking this a little too far & honestly beg you NOT to 'raise it' with Nursery Owner. Worst case scenario is some poor sod just doing his job AND being lovely will be ejected from that Nursery; and best case scenario is you really will look like a bit of an eejit (Irish term - you know what's coming next don't you? grin]

Yep, it is VERY common for this to happen in Ireland, and - IME - here too. My PFB was stunningly beautiful, very literally people would stop me in the street to comment on just HOW perfect he was (and he really was, unlike 2 other DS's who frankly looked like Winston Churchill when born to point where we both modelled front cover of Mother & Baby Mag etc) and he was literally showered with money by all and sundrysmile Tis a tradition and one I think is sad older people feel they can't do anymore.

Can I suggest you look at THIS THREAD for some context? And then listen to your gut, and not your - however validly given news stories etc. - head?

Is also HUGELY important to talk to your child re strangers etc, but you HAVE to be clear with them about the difference between 'proper' strangers vs. people they simply don't know but are perfectly safe with as you are (were....) there. THAT is a lesson you seriously do not want to balls up for DC as is a world of difference between the two, but IS vital your DC understand which one IS dangerous, and which one isn't...

trackies Wed 15-May-13 23:02:12

thank you Lilithmoon . you sleep well too

Pigsmummy Wed 15-May-13 23:01:47

I am Welsh btw, definitely a welsh thing

trackies Wed 15-May-13 23:00:25

lol SaigonSaigon. never happened to my daughter. only this one time to my son. Clearly i've been missing out !

K8Middleton Wed 15-May-13 23:00:08

Totally normal and not that unusual although less common these days. It's just a way of giving a child a gift from the limited resources most people have on them.

If you are worried about your child being abused things like keeping an eye on them, not leaving them alone and encouraging honesty and trust between you and your child are more sensible actions then worrying about a tiny gift.

There was no risk in this instance that I can see because you were there the whole time and it was a gift given without expectation.

SaigonSaigon Wed 15-May-13 22:58:51

Christ, it's never happened to me. I'm feeling bloody well left out.

It therefore can't possibly be a W Midlands thing...

Lilithmoon Wed 15-May-13 22:58:38

Ahem... it is a Midlands thing for sure. My DD used to make loads with her visits to the library!
Sleep well OP smile

Pigsmummy Wed 15-May-13 22:57:29

I get random strangers putting money into my baby's hand too, I thank them and put the money into a money box, if baby were older I would insist on a thank you to the kind person from her.

InkleWinkle Wed 15-May-13 22:57:29

Definitely old Scottish thing.
'Penny for a sweetie or a cone'

Plus the old Scot thing of putting silver in with a new baby. Used to be silver sixpences etc but now possible to go for a walk with baby in pram & come home with £5 in 50ps from random strangers!!

Moominsarehippos Wed 15-May-13 22:56:32

DS makes out like a bandit in Italy - mainly cakes, sweeties and ice cream! He also got an load of pencils and books in a shop. He's a very cute boy though and loves to try out his Italian. Very generous people.

I remember a homeless(and drunk) man following a mum amd her little daughter (cute girl) down the road in Dublin insisting that he gave 'a coin for the babby'. The mum said 'no thanks but he slipped it into the girl's pocket.

trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:56:11

thanks wonderstuff. It was a complete shock. I thought i knew him well. I thought he was a good guy. But this stuff was going on inside his head and none of us knew

spiritedaway Wed 15-May-13 22:55:26

Haha.. North east thing. Pound coins all round. Chill OP.

McSmoke Wed 15-May-13 22:55:13

35 years ogo Nan would take me to scavenge see her friends where they would press money into my palm, fold my fingers over the coin (10p) and tell me to buy an ice cream with it.

trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:54:02

i agree chattychattyboomba. He didn't even know what it was. Just that it might be a small round toy and it was his !

DoctorAnge Wed 15-May-13 22:53:47

I thought it was an Irish thing. Lots of older people do this it's no biggie. Don't get so uptight...

Nagoo Wed 15-May-13 22:53:36

It's not weird. It was nice.

He wasn't luring your child away from you.

wonderstuff Wed 15-May-13 22:53:31

I can understand that making you suspicious. I've had similar, a friend of mine was found guilty of child porn charges, it was such a shock, he was a nice bloke (or so i had thought, turns out he was scum) and while I knew these people didn't really wear macs and hang out on park corners it is sobering to have actual evidence you genuinely don't know a potential child abuser when you meet one.

Having said that almost everyone you meet will be fine, and if you start to suspect everyone who is nice to dcs then you really will drive yourself mad.

I used to come home with lots of jinglers in my pocket when I was a little kid, I'd go out with my gran and all her friends would give me coins "for sweeties" is what they'd say. We used to buy an ice cream on the way home with all the money.

It's definately a Scouse thing. We had our twins after moving to Liverpool and have had total strangers stop and give the DTs a pound coin each "for your piggy bank"

Best one was a 50-ish guy when we were in a cafe coming over and putting two bags of white chocolate buttons on the table "for the babbies" which I thought was lovely...and I enjoyed the chocolate as the DT were 4 months old at the time grin

chattychattyboomba Wed 15-May-13 22:52:19

Happened to me when DD was about 18 months. Older man on the bus thought she was beautiful (she is) gave her a pound! Random. Told some friends and one of them (Romanian) said it is a good luck thing in her culture. also Greek friend agreed. giving money to a small child i apparently a good fortune thing. I was a bit shocked and uncomfortable. Kept thinking- do i look like i'm struggling for cash? Did he take pitty on us? Why? Weird. Money to me is not a thing to give a small child.

trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:51:52

Never thought i'd get this much of a response. ok thanks to you all. Been very useful. off to sleep now

zzzzz Wed 15-May-13 22:50:21

Perfectly normal and NICE. Let go a little.

Weegiemum Wed 15-May-13 22:49:20

I'm in Scotland. First time we took dd1 out in the pram we came home with £26! Outer Hebrides thing smile

GreenShadow Wed 15-May-13 22:48:56

I find it so sad that people are getting so worked up over a gift from someone who took simple pleasure from a child doing what comes naturally.

polkadotsrock Wed 15-May-13 22:48:40

Doesn't happen to ds anymore and he's only 18 months... Is he ugly or are people in Lincolnshire grippit?? envy grin

NannyPlumIsMyMum Wed 15-May-13 22:46:40

4 words - Random Act Of Kindness smile
There are far worse things to get het up about. Wait till your child starts using the internet wink .

seriously though - not all strangers are bad.

Most of the harm that comes to our DC is from people who know them.

I am 53 and northern and you don't need to worry. I ain't giving your kids any of my money

Cloverer Wed 15-May-13 22:46:33

Not weird, just a bit old fashioned.

I really can't see the harm in it either? You were with your child, in a public place.

MildlyMiserable Wed 15-May-13 22:41:43

I think it's a generational thing, definitely a good luck traditional for prosperity (Irish) when meeting a new baby. My DS(9) was loaded after we came back from a few days in Ireland, lots of Euros thrust into his hand. My relatives laughed a lot at him as he was unaware of the tradition and kept trying to turn down the money, telling them all he was fine for money but thanks anyway! Or €20 is far too much to spend on sweets!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 15-May-13 22:41:07

My DC have both been given money since they were born by total strangers....we're in the NW. When they were babies it was placed on their pram "for luck" and as soon as they could hold it, it was placed in their hands "for sweets". It's traditional and harks back to a long time ago...it's fine if you're with the child at the time.

Geeklover Wed 15-May-13 22:40:56

My youngest ds is forever getting 'pennies' given to him.
It's almost embarrassing. I think he's cute but so do a lot of other people obviously grin
He's usually good for a sub if anyone needs it. wink

Cherriesarelovely Wed 15-May-13 22:40:13

Well my mil does it when we are out and about. Some parents are happy with it and think it is sweet others sort of recoil! I know she is doing it because she loves kids and is being kind.

Really common in Scotland.

This has reminded me of when DS was smaller, a guy came up to us on the street and asked us for £1 "fur a can a lager", I admired his honesty so gave him it and he gave us 50p back to give to the baby! confused grin

trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:39:48

babyboomersrock , yes he was older - 50's maybe. So I have considered that it's more normal for this age group. But you hit the nail on the head as to why alarm bells were going off. I know people who have been abused, my DH was very nearly abducted by a stranger, and i also had a friend who turned out to be a child molester hence my caution.

Hamwidge Wed 15-May-13 22:38:58

It's happened to me and dd a few times, coins in the pram or her hand. Definitely an old fashioned thing but still a nice gesture from a stranger.

It's not like he tried to take him to a shop or anything, and nothing expected in return.a

piratecat Wed 15-May-13 22:37:20

i remember as a young girl being given money by relatives who i had never met at my grandfathers funeral. i was taken aback. i remember thinking its been a sad day but also quite a good dayblush

AmbrosiaCreamedMice Wed 15-May-13 22:36:35

Your reaction is really bizarre OP, you should probably look into that.

People often gave my babies money when they were small, "a little something for their money box" popped into the pram usually, and I remember one of the neighbours (in her 70s iirc) actually said a little rhyme each time too as she gave "silver" to the three that were newborns in this house. I can't remember the exact words but something about them "never being without" and "never being without friendship" as long as they never gave that particular coin back to her.
It was sweet, but not something I'd ever seen before.

EuroShaggleton Wed 15-May-13 22:35:42

It's pretty common. My dad had a job which involved to going into people's houses to measure things up. Sometimes he used to take me along to hold the end of the measure tape (and probably with hindsight to give my mum a break if I was being a little shit!) and I would often be given something like a kitkat or a coin. This was in London/South East, btw.

I think he was just being nice.

pointythings Wed 15-May-13 22:35:39

I think it might be an older people thing... My DDs once had a fab time getting a lady in Sainsburys the things she needed from different shelves, doing the bending down for her, generally running errands. She gave them each £1, I told her it really wasn't necessary because she had made their day as much as they had hers, but she insisted. It was lovely.

WeAreSix Wed 15-May-13 22:35:13

You've just reminded me of having my sun bleached ruined highlights blonde hair touched in Kuala Lumpur by what seemed like several hundred people. They were absolutely fascinated by it.

Accidentallyquirky Wed 15-May-13 22:34:02

It's a lovely gesture, my dd as a baby often got stopped and given money and even now she's 3 still gets the odd person who will after talking to her give her £1 'to buy sweeties' usually in the hairdressers or in church.
I'd never refuse it and I always thank them as does dd very politely.

It's an old fashioned thing but even now if I speak to a parent and newborn baby I 'cross his/her hand with silver' and I'm only early 20s it's supposed to bring luck.

We live in such a strange world now where even doing something innocent and nice is perceived to be wrong.

babyboomersrock Wed 15-May-13 22:33:51

In Scotland it's quite usual (or it was!) to give money to babies, as Disappearing has said - it used to be that on your first outings with a new baby, random strangers would tuck a coin "under the pillow for luck" - even when there wasn't a pillow. Usually with a "God bless him/her" added.

It's a bit more unusual that your child was singled out in that way when there were presumably other children who didn't get money - especially by someone who was there to make money, not give it away, but it isn't as though he was alone with your child, who then turned up with money. Was he an older guy? I know many people of my generation who'd think this was normal.

PilgrimSoul Wed 15-May-13 22:33:21

Yeah, I cleaned up when DD was in a pram! We need someone Welsh to come on and say it's a Wales thing.

gail734 Wed 15-May-13 22:33:11

Not exactly the same, but my old auntie (Scottish) calls it "hanselling the baby". Not sure of spelling. The first time you meet/see a new baby, you must put a coin in the pram or crib. It's for good luck, so that he or she will always be prosperous in life. For the same reason, you must never give anyone a gift of a purse or money box without putting a coin in it first.
But OP's photographer was just being nice!

Plomino Wed 15-May-13 22:32:19

Happens to my lot quite a bit . They take turns to stay with my mum every summer , and whenever they go out anywhere they always come back clutching pound coins !

We went to Italy one year , when the boys were under the age of ten , and had white blond hair. One evening the town had a major religious festival , with about 30,000 people attending . 29,998 patted the boys on the head and tried to give them money for luck . They cleaned up !

SirBoobAlot Wed 15-May-13 22:32:09

Think you're both overreacting and over thinking.

It was a kind thing to do.

DS was give 50p by an older lady a while back because she said he'd made her smile more than she had all week.

Makes me sad that these gestures - and it's the gesture that matters, not the money - are now viewed immediately as weird and suspicious, instead of just nice.

FreudiansSlipper Wed 15-May-13 22:31:51

ds was often given money by people we did not know (all were quite old) to buy some sweets or an ice cream. He was given $10 for being so good on a flight too

he has also had his picture taken by strangers one a group of Japanese tourists as they loved his hair

it's sad we are so suspicious of people being nice to young child

Fairyegg Wed 15-May-13 22:30:47

Strangers often give my kids money, especially more elderly people in The local shop. When they were babies in Buggies they would put a pound behind their ear, I'm guessing that was some sort of tradition. I think your being today ott to be honest.

pollywollydoodle Wed 15-May-13 22:30:17

definitely a midlands thing...happened to dd several times when little wink

BusterKeaton Wed 15-May-13 22:29:16

Enormouse: You can add Canada to the list.

GaryBuseysTeeth Wed 15-May-13 22:28:32

He was just being nice.

A lady in Sainsburys opened her Quality Street tin & let me have one when I was 5, went for a toffee finger, so disappointed I've not had another one since. grin

Can I weigh in with it being a Welsh thing?

polkadotsrock Wed 15-May-13 22:28:10

Aw I love little traditions like this. We had a few 'cross his palm with silver' or something from old folk when ds was born. Loved it.

loopydoo Wed 15-May-13 22:28:06

Yes agree it's also a Scottish thing. We were up in Calendar on holiday as little kids and I still remember a guy outside a pub (who looked a bit shabby), giving me and my sister 50p each to get an ice cream or sweets.

I said out loud as we walked away from where he was standing "is that man drunk mummy?" My mum wanted the ground to swallow her up!

LastTangoInDevonshire Wed 15-May-13 22:27:30

It's not him that is weird, OP - I'd look closer to home. Talk about over-reacting!!

enormouse Wed 15-May-13 22:26:46

So to sum up its scottish/Irish/northern Irish/southern/northern/Mediterranean/Indian/ haveimissedany? thing

smile

chirpchirp Wed 15-May-13 22:26:45

I think he was just trying to be nice. It's not like he was a stranger who approached him in a park and offered him money (that would be weird). He was someone who had been asked to be there, was known to the toddler group and had been interacting with your child. He probably just and thought he was a good kid and wanted to do something nice.

I remember when DS was a only a few weeks old I push him in his pram and every trip out at least one person would put money in his pram.

PlasticLentilWeaver Wed 15-May-13 22:26:29

I think it would be you who will look slightly weird if you speak to the lady who runs the group and try to give it back TBH. He was just being friendly, in a supervised environment. My DS used to go to a bowls club with his grandparents sometimes, and often came home with a few coins in his pockets from the other visitors. Never occurred to me it was anything suspicious.

WeAreSix Wed 15-May-13 22:26:22

I give my friends DCs a silver coin for their money boxes whenever I see them. I've never given a coin to someone I don't know, but I think it's just a friendly gesture.

It's an East Anglian thing wink

wigglesrock Wed 15-May-13 22:25:22

Was a very normal thing with my kids, Infact dd3 was given £1 for sweeties at the hairdressers last week. I am both Irish and a Catholic smile

timidviper Wed 15-May-13 22:25:05

I think it's quite sad that you and your DH are even thinking so mistrustfully of a nice gesture from someone being kind to your child. I know we all have to teach children to be safe but you need to be careful not to make yours over-suspicious if you always react like this.

My elderly aunt died recently and she told me, not long before her death, how sad she felt that she could no longer chat or give pennies to small children without mothers acting as though she was suspicious.

We've had his happen eleven times over two children in London, and six times in Russia for two children (one of whom was the same, but our eldest was grown up when we moved to London and our little ones were either born there or cute enough). A southern thing? Maybe a general UK thing!

God, I've heard it all now. What exactly does your DH want you to say to the woman who runs the group? It's a traditional kind thing to do. Take it in the spirit it was offered and tell your DH to unclench.

Footface Wed 15-May-13 22:24:20

He was just being kind. Don't worry about it

enormouse Wed 15-May-13 22:24:06

I've had a few people do that. Just pressed a pound coin into DSs hand. We live in northern Ireland and DPs dad said its a traditional thing some people like to do with a new baby. My Indian relatives have done it too, for similar reasons and in lieu of giving presents.

FleeBee Wed 15-May-13 22:24:01

A very old chap gave my DC2 a pound the other day as we were walking past him. He stopped & chatted then gave DD2 a coin grin

cees Wed 15-May-13 22:23:53

I'm Irish and the older folk do that here, it wouldn't alarm me or have me running for the peado repellent, he was trying to be nice. YABU

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 22:23:29

I'm in the south east and its fairly common here. Please don't worry.

trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:23:00

ok. thanks all for your advice. Very much appreciated. He's 50 somethink i think. I guess i'm more on guard cos i found out recently that an OLD friend of mine from uni (who i haven't been intouch with for years) was recently convicted of molesting a child. Completely shocked me. Making my lack of trust radar go off.

FourLittleDudes Wed 15-May-13 22:22:54

My youngest boys make me a fortune some days. I remember being out with a friend once and her soon was being naughty, running off and shouting etc - a man gave him £1 to behave!

I would think it really odd to complain in your situation. Its not like he have him the money sneakily and told him it was a secret.

HotCrossPun Wed 15-May-13 22:22:35

Why is it weird?

Your DC was chatting away to him, it made his day, he gave then a few pounds to buy some sweets.

Why did that warrant a discussion with your DH and then this thread?

FannyFifer Wed 15-May-13 22:22:33

Total Scottish thing as well, random folk often give my bairns a "penny for a sweetie" usually a £1

Old folk would be very offended if you refused, I think it's lovely.

Your reaction is beyond bizzare.

GreyGardens Wed 15-May-13 22:22:00

very sweet. My next door neighbour gives dd a 'paaand', cos she's 'so pretty', apparently. We are S London, no idea if it's tradition, but I fined it v endearing

eosmum Wed 15-May-13 22:21:49

It was a tradition in Ireland especially for newborns, old people would put a coin into the babies hand and they'd hold on to it, if they were asleep they'd put it in the pram. I still have the coins my dds got 21 yrs ago, but ds never got any so must be dying out now.

Op he was being kind, giving it while you were present nothing sinister there.

zimmyzammyzoom Wed 15-May-13 22:21:48

What is the world coming to when someone can't give a nice kid a treat? I assume you think the photographer must be some sort of paedophile? It was a nice gesture; a bit OTT granted, but I'd be flattered if a stranger thought my child was so lovely they wanted to treat them. It's 2quid for gods sake, to put in his money box, and its not like he gave it secretly like some sort of covert bribe confused I am northern fwiw though, so maybe it's just me!

Chocotrekkie Wed 15-May-13 22:20:41

Def a Scottish thing.... smile

Wallison Wed 15-May-13 22:20:18

Aw, sounds like he was just being nice. What possible harm could come to your child from a gift given to him by someone when you were with him and could hear everything that went on?

Or do you think there is a camera hidden in the £2 and the guy is using it to find out where you live and steal your child while your back is turned?

Disappearing Wed 15-May-13 22:19:31

I would have said its a Scottish thing, mostly done by older people. I'd also heard of older folks tucking coins into babies prams, sometimes complete strangers and not necessarily just good acquaintances.

MrsBungle Wed 15-May-13 22:19:31

My child has been given "a penny for a sweetie" a good few times. Where I'm from lots of people put coins in the pram. Bit old fashioned but harmless.

PilgrimSoul Wed 15-May-13 22:19:24

I thought it was an Irish thing. Not weird at all. A bit traditional, maybe old fashioned. But not weird.

StellaNova Wed 15-May-13 22:19:09

I took DS1 to have his haircut aged two and the guy in the next chair gave him 50p for being so good - I thought it was nice!

toffeelolly Wed 15-May-13 22:18:15

Do not see any harm in it , I would think not another thing about this .

cocolepew Wed 15-May-13 22:18:03

pound

Tobagostreet Wed 15-May-13 22:17:15

Not weird, just an act of kindness, which is less common nowadays.

freddiefrog Wed 15-May-13 22:17:14

I'd just think it was a nice thing to do

I remember taking DD1 to a tea shop when she was quite young and getting a barrage of tuts and eye rolls from a table of elderly ladies who, I assume, took one look and assumed she'd be a PITA. She behaved impeccably and one of the ladies came over, commented that DD was a lovely little girl and gave her £1 to buy some sweets

TidyDancer Wed 15-May-13 22:17:08

It is a southern thing, and it's happened to my two DCs a fair few times.

Never heard of it being a catholic or Mediterranean thing....

cocolepew Wed 15-May-13 22:17:00

I've had older people give my DDs a ound when they were very young, I just smiled and thanked them.
It's obviously an Irish thing grin

Nah its a west Wales/old person thing.

Fuckwittery Wed 15-May-13 22:16:37

ah catholic thing that would make sense

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 15-May-13 22:16:35

Was he quite an old guy? I think in their day it was quite normal to give some money to kids to get themselves some sweets. It happened quite a bit when I was growing up.
Now we are much more protective or on our guard about strangers and I think, rightly so. When things like this happen its easy to think back about it more and think about what you should've said or done but its done now.
You did the right thing saying it wasn't your child's fault but not to accept things from strangers.

chocolatebee Wed 15-May-13 22:16:09

I was on the bus with DD1 (4) and DD2 (10days old) and a (30ish year old) women give them both 50p. I tried to say no but she got off the bus.

I was shocked and asked MIL about it and she said all old ladies used to give children silver as good luck.

I was very shocked but allowed both DD's to keep the 50p. this thread reminds me to buy DD2 a money box

ForkInTheForeheid Wed 15-May-13 22:15:55

Not weird at all. (The photographer that is). Your reaction on the other hand...

ShatnersBassoon Wed 15-May-13 22:15:45

I think it's an everywhere, everyday thing. It's really not unusual at all.

longingforsomesleep Wed 15-May-13 22:14:46

You say your ds chatted to the photographer while you were there so it wasn't like he was doing it sneakily. Why do you need to do anything?

HazeltheMcWitch Wed 15-May-13 22:14:22

Arf at SOuth / London / North thing.

To my mind, it's a Catholic / Mediterranean thing!

anothershittynickname Wed 15-May-13 22:14:20

Really?

The poor guy was just being nice - relax a little!

YABU

CocacolaMum Wed 15-May-13 22:14:14

Best place for this is those seats at the end of supermarket checkouts.. my kids clean up there! especially on pension day!! mwahaha

Fuckwittery Wed 15-May-13 22:12:33

its an old-fashioned and possibly a northern thing. whenever i take my kids to church in the north east kindly old ladies press pound coins into my hands. i wouldn't have taken offence. its a bit offensive to refuse it i think.

Honeybadgerdontgiveashit Wed 15-May-13 22:12:27

Was he from South / London? Thats quite an old school thing to do, would not immediately alarm me.

ShatnersBassoon Wed 15-May-13 22:11:55

Aw, a few strangers gave my children money when they were young. It's just a kindness, they don't want anything in return.

CocacolaMum Wed 15-May-13 22:11:49

he was just being nice?

trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:09:36

Was at a toddler group with my 3 yo. There was a professional photographer there taking pics as approved by lady who runs it. They sit on a seat infront of a white screen. My child had a turn. My child is very chatty and friendly and likes posing for photos, and he found him easy to deal with. Bit later on my child, who likes attention and chatting to people, chatted to him for few mins, whilst i was there. Photographer was saying how lovely he was and he'd made his day, and then he gave him a gift of £2 and told him to buy some sweets with it. This freaked me out. I was a bit stunned. I tried to politely say that we can't take his money (i didn't want it!) but he insisted on me taking it. As i was leaving i tried to prize the £2 away from my child but he was clinging onto it so i left cos i just wanted to get out there! Got home and explained to small child that should not take gifts from strangers, but it wasn't his fault. I should have done something at the time. I was just caught off guard. Told my DH who said this man should have not been giving money to my child, and agreed that it's weird, but it could have been just someone being nice. But he was not happy. I told couple of Mummy friends who said it was weird aswell. DH said i definitely need to talk to the women who runs the group just to say that it made me uncomfortable and give the money back. Do you think it's weird ? or an act of kindness ? what would you do ?

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