Not to want to pay for my 17 year old DD's mobile phone?

(111 Posts)
Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 14:39:32

She earns about £40 a week for a couple of sessions of washing pots at a local pub whilst studying for A levels and insists that absolutely everyone else has their phone paid for by their parents. It's only me that's totally tight and unreasonable. Apparently it's her right.... She's having to save her money for something very important but it's not my business to know. I have paid her contract for 2 years but I think it's about time she took some responsibility.

Am I unreasonable?

She's having to save her money for something very important but it's not my business to know. But she wants Mummy to pay her phone bill. She doesn't know if she is an independent adult or not. Because she is a teenager. Discuss it with her. Maybe you go halves.

YANBU. My sisters and I had too. All our mates had Iphones, we made do with normal phones, worked for us! Saying that, I'd tell her that if she feels that it's her 'right', she's obviously too young to be sensible with one!

specialsubject Wed 15-May-13 14:47:04

no, it is not her right. How very entitled.

you do her no favours by giving into this. Tell her that you will provide a simple £10 PAYG phone and £10 of credit a quarter, which should be plenty to keep in touch. If she wants the luxuries - well, she knows what she has to do.

IloveJudgeJudy Wed 15-May-13 14:47:16

YANBU! We don't pay for any of our DC's phones. If they want one, they pay. We can't afford to pay for them, unfortunately.

GreenShadow Wed 15-May-13 14:48:07

Yes, we still paying for our DC, even DS1 who is at university. If we didn't pay directly, we'd still probably end up effectively paying when his loan runs out.

DS2 has an intermittent part time job which wouldn't be reliable enough to pay for a contract, though I suppose he could do PAYG

manticlimactic Wed 15-May-13 14:48:27

Nope YANBU. My DD will be 17 when her contract finishes. I've told her she can go on PAYG as I won't be paying for it once it's finished (more for financial reasons than anything). She's more than welcome to get a job and get a contract herself. Unfortunately you can't get a contract until you're 18 can you? grin

manticlimactic Wed 15-May-13 14:49:51

and she's already looked at PAYG sims and has decided on giff gaff £10 a month (can use her pocket money) and it's better than her contract tarrif.

BreconBeBuggered Wed 15-May-13 14:56:16

I'm sure you're also saving for something private and important, and can't spare the cash. It's one thing to stump up the odd tenner for a PAYG phone to make sure they can stay in touch, and quite another to commit yourself to an expensive phone/contract.

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 14:56:37

no, it is not her right. How very entitled.

'Entitled' was just the word I used!

LineRunner Wed 15-May-13 15:00:49

What's giff gaff? <hopeful>

My DD is 17 too, and mobile phones seem to cause endless angst - but they can't get their own contracts till they are 18.

cozietoesie Wed 15-May-13 15:03:52

Absolutely not unreasonable - but see if you can sit her down and find out what this project is she's saving for. That might be more important than/as important as the phone issue.

MoominMammasHandbag Wed 15-May-13 15:06:38

Well I didn't penalise my kids just cos they got off their arses and got jobs. Paid for the phone before they got a part time job, and still pay for it now.
Having said that, your family finances will be a big factor.
Washing pots is a shit job. You'd DD is really earning her money.

olgaga Wed 15-May-13 15:08:49

Everyone I know still pays their kids' phone contracts while they are in full time education. I would expect to do that too.

If they're earning they don't give them any pocket money, obviously. I've already been paying my DDs contract for a year and she's only 12!

Presumably the contract is in your name or attached to your account, so you can cancel it if you really want to show her who's boss and piss her off, but I wouldn't.

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 15:08:59

I know it is a shit job, because I have a second job at the same pub and I do it too!

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 15:10:10

And I only get an pound an hour more than her and I'm bloody 47!!

SgtTJCalhoun Wed 15-May-13 15:11:40

I agree with moomin. That said, her attitude would piss me right off.

hedgehogpickle Wed 15-May-13 15:12:54

everyone else has their phone paid for by their parents

Just had a flashback to what my mum would have said to that - "well I'm not everyone else's parents!" smile

I would offer to contribute a set monthly amount (£10 suggested above sounds good) towards a PAYG until she's 18 then you can offer to contribute the same to any contract she takes out when she's 18 if you want to. YANBU!

AnyFucker Wed 15-May-13 15:18:33

My dd's phone contract (paid for by us) is set to run out just as she finishes FT education and she will already be 18.

I predict some very interesting conversations then, although she has already been warned that there will be changes afoot smile

AtYourCervix Wed 15-May-13 15:21:40

I pay both DDs. DD1 is 17 and works. She buys all clothes and shoes and tickets and stuff and is saving for her gap yah. Phone is only £7.50 a month.

mrsjay Wed 15-May-13 15:24:58

Id cancel it and get her a PAYG if she is being arsey tbh and let her pay it herself she is working having her phone bill paid isn't a right maybe pay half her money is of course her own but you are funding her as well

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 15-May-13 15:25:30

I think she is old enough to learn the value of money and about budgeting. My 12 year old wants a phone and he is doing jobs for the family to earn the money - to save up for one!
Yes there are parents who will pay for everything with no questions asked and who insist on their kids having the most up to date gadgets but what is that teaching our children? They'll grow up spoilt and bad with money.

randgirl Wed 15-May-13 15:25:58

Ds has a top up package so each month its preloaded with a certain amount which i pay for. He knows that if he uses that up then he has to buy his own top up voucher. I did this as he was using his credit to download songs etc. He is 14 but he takes the phone to school as he needs to call when when it time to collect him due to sport etc. So he has to have available credit to whatsapp or call me.

mrsjay Wed 15-May-13 15:26:00

My dd went and got a contract when she was 18 and working before that it was PAYG she had I had heard horror stories of going over contract thats why i never entertained a contract sim

squeakytoy Wed 15-May-13 15:27:45

I am amazed at all the people who pay for their childrens mobile phones.

AnyFucker Wed 15-May-13 15:30:31

Why not, squeaky ?

FuckThisShit Wed 15-May-13 15:32:14

DDs 1 & 2 will each be takin over their contracts when theirs run out. They are 1st year Uni and doing A levels. I will continue with DS's until he finishes his A levels in two years. I suspect their days of getting the latest upgrade for their iPhones will be a distant memory for them once they're paying for it. All three have the iPhone 5, and I see no reason whatsoever that they can't just get he selves a £10 sim only deal with these phones.

FuckThisShit Wed 15-May-13 15:32:31


Dawndonna Wed 15-May-13 15:36:53

Oldest paid for his as soon as he got a Saturday job.
The others get so much per month pocket money, with a tenner knocked off to cover their 'phones each month.

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 15:38:46

I also think that if she contributed to family life in some way I might be more forthcoming but she does absolutely bugger all for anyone and her room looks like a squat.

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 15:40:28

It's the culture of expectation which really annoys me. Not sure how this happened!

Davsmum Wed 15-May-13 15:58:57

It doesn't matter what 'everyone else has or doesn't have' !

My teenagers went out and earned their own money and bought most of their own clothes because I couldn't afford the stuff they wanted.
Its great if you can afford it but even if you can, it doesn't mean you should!

WakeyCakey Wed 15-May-13 16:07:53

My middle sister and I paid for our own phones from first getting them, both worked from 13. Have moved out bought a house etc.
My eldest sister never paid as spent all her money from her part time job elsewhere. Went to uni, is now back and living at home and my mum still pays her phone (and car, food, clothes, booze)

It's a very big extreme but I think she is still useless because she never learnt the value of the money she was earning!
I wouldn't pay

Why on earth parents pay for contracts and iphones I've no idea.
I pay £5 a month on Giff Gaff for my 17 year old and 15 year old. If they want a new phone they have to save up and buy one.

AnnaFender Wed 15-May-13 16:25:33

I am 27 and my Mum pays for my phone contract blush

Although to be fair, I had my own PAYG phones for years, and my Mum and Step Dad only recently got me this one as a surprise. I think they felt bad for me as I have had a rough year and am on a very low income (full time student and single parent) and wanted to treat me. I am very appreciative and would never 'expect' them to do this for me!

PeterParkerSays Wed 15-May-13 16:35:04

I think the phrase you want is "then everyone else's mother is failing to prepare their child for the real world"

MoominMammasHandbag Wed 15-May-13 16:54:42

My kids have iPhone 3s on unlimited contract for £15 a month. They had them for their main Christmas present the year before last. I think it was a reasonable deal actually.
We are fortunate to be reasonably wealthy but my kids certainly don't get anything they want, or half as much as most of their friends.

bobbywash Wed 15-May-13 17:13:39

I pay for DD1 on a contract whilst she is in full time education. It will end when she finishes. However I did set the tariff and the phone, so it's a trade off. She gets her phone paid for I get to pick the tariff that's best for my finances.

University is expensive enough, and she works to pay for fees and cost of living. Also she would be lost without a mobile to organise and meet up with friends think it's fair.

marciaoverstrand Wed 15-May-13 17:27:14

After dd ran up a bill of over £200, she went on PAYG which I gave her £10 a month towards and she had to pay me back the £200 from her Saturday job.

usualsuspect Wed 15-May-13 17:30:54

PAYG giff gaff is a brilliant deal.

StuntGirl Wed 15-May-13 17:32:38

Peterparker has it spot on!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Wed 15-May-13 17:51:16

I'm amazed too! I finished uni in 2005 and I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my parents to pay for my mobile contract!

I had a student loan (still paying it back) and then did an MA on an AHRB scholarship. I worked weekends and holidays to pay for anything else I needed.

zzzzz Wed 15-May-13 17:56:03

Just say "no"

Dumpylump Wed 15-May-13 17:58:52

Maybe a compromise? I have a capped contract for ds2, set at £15 a month. If he goes over that then he can top it up like a payg by himself. In reality he has never gone over it.

Theas18 Wed 15-May-13 18:02:50

Like some of the frugal others on here the school age teens get £5 giffgaff a month (soon to be 7.50 as they are changing the deal, but I'm looking at a slightly cheaper deal on 3) and the uni one gets £10/ month towards her phone ( which she uses for £10 giffgaff deal) .

They all have sub £100 phones that were Xmas or birthday pressies.

If they wanted contract phones they'd have to wait till t was their own credit file at risk not mine, and fund it! I'd still give them the basic monthly amount towards it though as its fair enough that they have basic mobile functionality for going out and about at their ages.

Mind you this is how I've run things normally- i'll buy simple basic stuff and if they want brands/ultra fancy I'll pay the basic amount and they top up. Primark/M&S/next jeans -no problem, new Levi's -you top up

deleted203 Wed 15-May-13 18:03:24

I don't pay for mobile phones. I don't see them as an 'essential'. And I can't afford to.

We give DD2 (17) an allowance of £80 a month during school which TBH is quite a struggle financially for us. She works in holidays from Easter to Sept (tourist area) so has top up earnings for 6 months of year.

Apart from food, uniform, bus fare, and anything I consider essential then that is it.

Anything else she wants she pays for herself. This includes mobile phone.

GoblinGranny Wed 15-May-13 18:33:05

Mine both had a cheap PAYG that I topped up. DD upgraded a couple of times using her own money, DS is on his third PAYG £10 phone.
She's being rude and ungrateful, fine for her to save in secret, but you shouldn't be manipulated into feeling responsible for fulfilling her desire for a mobile.

OhLori Wed 15-May-13 18:35:51

If you're washing pots in a pub OP to help pay for her mobile phone contract, I think you know the answer hmm.

Ragwort Wed 15-May-13 18:40:52

I would absolutely not pay for my DS's mobile once he is old enough to get a weekend job. No wonder kids are so entitled these days.

And, as OhLori says, no way would I go out and wash pots in a pub to pay for my child's mobile phone.

Don't believe the 'everyone else's parents do X' line - all kids say that grin.

Milliways Wed 15-May-13 18:42:17

My DS gets £50pm from me. He pays for his own haircuts, clothes and phone. (He does have a part time job as well.) He recently finished a £30pm phone contract and bought outright a posh Samsung Galaxy Note2 for about £300 on ebay and his contract for that is < £10pm now for unlimited texts and loads of data - from a StudentBeans deal.

fedupofnamechanging Wed 15-May-13 18:44:21

Maybe link paying for the phone with dd pulling her weight around the house?

Although, if mine refused to tell me what she was saving for and gave me the entitled attitude that yours is, I would be be refusing point blank to pay for anything, bar essentials.

AnyFucker Wed 15-May-13 18:44:34

I doubt OP is "washing pots in a pub to pay for her dd's mobile phone"

Is there something wrong with washing pots in pubs ? That's a rather snobby comment actually.

BellaVita Wed 15-May-13 18:52:17

DS1 16 next month gets £40 a month and has to pay for his own phone top up.

She needs to grow up.

Mosschops30 Wed 15-May-13 18:57:29

YANBU I don't pay for dds phone, she even bought the phone herself.

I'm not being a braggy bragger though cos we have lots of issues like this in the mosschops house, mostly around being tidy or helping with chores

OhLori Wed 15-May-13 18:58:10

Actually AF, OP does work at the same pub doing washing up, if you read thread properly. I am not making a snobby comment, so there is no need to make a personally unpleasant directed at me, pretty rude of you actually. I am trying to point out that the OP is a 47 year old woman working very hard in a kitchen, hard work by anyone's standards, to help make family payments like this - i.e. its not like she's sitting on a retirement pot sunning herself in the south of france.

Anyway OP, I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Perhaps you're pissed off generally as you say, and your daughter means well but just doesn't understand the full picture here, I am sure you can enlighten her kindly, and well if that doesn't work perhaps a more factual approach ...

marriedinwhiteagain Wed 15-May-13 18:59:59

Hmm perhaps we're soft. The DC 18 and 15 have contract phones and quite nice ones which, with insurance, cost me about 60 pcm combined. They have gone over a teeny bit once or twice. The deal is they can contact us and we can contact them and my peace of mind is cheap at the price.

DS has a monthly spending money allowance of 70 and DD 30. We don't expect them to work although DS has a baby sitting round and caddies and dd is beginning to build up a blvery local baby sitting round.

Expect to payy for their phones for as long as they are in full time education.

cut the contract off then, my dds contract is £15 a month, I am sure with your daughter could pay that out of her money. she is on a capped contract and cant go over that

AnyFucker Wed 15-May-13 19:06:23

I am not making an unpleasant anything directed at you, OhLori, although it was you doing the hmm face at Op "washing pots in a pub" so if the cap fits, eh ?

I assume she is doing that to give her kids the things she thinks they need. A bit of gentle support/guidance rather than a hmm face might not go amiss.

This coming from a poster (me) who gets criticised for being too harsh, so I do recognise it when I see it

cardibach Wed 15-May-13 19:07:36

I am a teacher and decided I did not want DD to work as long as she was in sixth form as I have seen the rather nasty effects in terms of underachievement over the years (I know it doesn't always cause this, but way too often to risk it). Because of this, I give her an allowance and pay for her phone. As another poster said, it is my peace of mind too.
However, if you can't afford this as family finances are tight I don't think YABU to ask her to pay/contribute.

BackforGood Wed 15-May-13 19:10:27

Why on earth would you pay for your dcs' mobile phones ? confused.
I never have. From their first phones, when they start Yr7, they've paid for their own calls / texts. PAYG generally when on pocket money only, then their choice when they start earning.

OP, of course YANBU!

I pay my 2 DC bills.
It is their annual Christmas present.
Every year for the past 4 years.
I quite like the idea.

Madlizzy Wed 15-May-13 19:15:36

If she's earning £40 a week, then she's got ample money to pay for her own phone contract. I never care what other people's parents do, I do things my way and my kids can like it or lump it.

confusteling Wed 15-May-13 19:17:00

My mum pays for my mobile phone (£35 a month). However it's a slightly different situation - I'm a full time student, my mum's carer, need a mobile phone so that her "telecare centre" can phone me 24/7 and for medical purposes.

Without the phone I'd be bloody lost..

I can't afford to pay mine - I live on about £30 a week, to buy food/travel/living costs so a mobile's out of my reach!

FuckThisShit Wed 15-May-13 19:21:57

I can't see how paying for my children's phones is 'failing to prepare' them for the real world.

My older children are all studying hard, the girls have had to rein in their shifts at the restaurants they work in as they've been revising for and have now started their A levels/first year uni exams; and my son spends his weekends playing sport at county level and cannot just pick and choose when he plays.

They don't get an allowance any more since their father died and I have always said that I will pay their phone bills (£25/month) each. They never go over as they have unlimited deals.

MammaTJ Wed 15-May-13 19:52:04

My teen was allowed a contract phone in her dads name. I told him he was daft, but he said she would have to pay it out of her wages. She was 14 at the time and twice overran the contracted allowance by a considerable amount. She had to pay that too.

She is now 18 and has one in her name. She pays.

mrsjay Wed 15-May-13 22:18:09

a mobile phone is like an extension of a teenagers arm grinI don't think you can deny them a mobile the only reason I got mine and paid for PAYG is I didnt want them going over, I do think if they are working then they could pay something towards their mobiles though

Lovesabadboy Wed 15-May-13 23:09:25

We are the same as BackforGood

Both DDs (now 16.5 and 12.5) only got basic mobiles(no Iphones here!) when they started secondary school.
They both get monthly pocket money from us and from their only set of grandparents, so they have always paid their PAYG top ups of £10 when they need them (this gives them 300 free texts too).
This way they can stay in contact and we have peace of mind.
We certainly would never pay £60 a month as someone upthread pays!shock

Our eldest now has a Saturday job plus odds and sods of babysitting and she is proud to be paying her own way, feels more grown up and with that comes a sense of responsibility

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable, OP.

BackforGood Wed 15-May-13 23:09:58

No-one's suggesting denying them a mobile though MrsJay, just not forking out these incredibly high contracts each month for them shock

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Wed 15-May-13 23:22:27

"everybody elses parents pay", lol. Hope you don't fall for that one!

Yes the entitled attitude sucks.

Personally I haven't and wouldn't pay for a teenagers phone, she is just trying it on, don't fall for it!

SacreBlue Wed 15-May-13 23:24:35

DS has PAYG and sometimes I top it up, I preferred not to go on contract as it made him realise how much he was going through at the star. Anytime he wants to upgrade (only twice so far tg) he pays himself.

Personally I like that he is saving up for something himself but, like your DD, he has to know that bills get paid out of the same money as savings so he needs to budget accordingly. I don't give him pocket money - I feel topping the phone up, only a tenner a month bargain, is enough. DVDs, games etc he buys from his wages.

You are being a parent teaching her to take responsiblilty for her budgeting so YADNBU refusing to pay

similarly 'tight-fisted' mum grin

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 23:29:28

Giffgaff looks great - sadly we can only get Vodafone here...

olgaga Wed 15-May-13 23:37:42

Well DD and I both have SIM-only contracts, currently hers is £11 a month, mine is £15 a month, and the actual cost of both is around £30-35 a month. I don't see that as expensive given the amount of use they get.

I've been with the network for about 10 years so every now and then I ring them and say I'm paying too much! I can get this on (other network) for less and I always get a result, whether it's more texts/talk/data or a cheaper tariff.

I buy other people's unwanted upgrades off ebay every couple of years as replacement phones - just got DD a new HTC Desire C for £43!

I want her to have a phone as she's walking to school and back on her own now, and it's just as useful for me to be able to contact her as it is for her to be able to contact me.

My brother still pays for my niece's mobile phone and she left university last year, but although she's working really hard she is struggling to find a permanent job, and has all the cost of living in London.

Phones aren't a luxury item IMO.

Absolutelylost Wed 15-May-13 23:37:58

'Is there something wrong with washing pots in pubs ? That's a rather snobby comment actually.'

I can think of better ways of spending my time for £7 an hour to be honest. And DH has recently picked up a great new job so I will probably knock it on the head soon and stick to just my normal day job. However, having a period of having to be very careful indeed has made me think of the value of money more - and I think it's that that has made me feel resentful of her attitude.

olgaga Wed 15-May-13 23:41:36

I forgot to say, when she first got her phone last year she went over her limits in the first three months. She was only 11 at the time, and had no idea how these things worked but we went through the statements together and when she got to grips with it she got her phone usage right down.

You can teach them to be responsible about money without denying them the things they need.

Yonihadtoask Wed 15-May-13 23:56:22

I wouldn't pay it.

DS is 15. He has had payg since year 7. At first he had my cast off phones which I paid the credit on . I then bought him a slightly nicer ( but still quite cheap) handset for a bday gift. He barely uses any credit. I wanted him to have one as his school is a public bus ride away, and there are sometimes problems him getting home.

I wouldn't ever get a contract for a child. Y
DSSs each have a contract phone, paid for by their mother who has NO money.

I don't expect DS to pay his top ups as he doesn't get spending money. And he probably makes a tenner last over sic months.

A contract phone is a luxury. Kids do feel that they have to have one. But they don't.

I didn't even have a landline when I was a young adult, yet still managed to conduct a social life.

SacreBlue Thu 16-May-13 01:14:46

I didn't even have a landline when I was a young adult, yet still managed to conduct a social life

Lolled at this ^ as I recall public phone boxes being a source or entertainment when I was a teen sad but true <hoiks Zimmer frame pants>

olgaga Thu 16-May-13 01:23:03

In my day you had to have access to a telegraph. Optical semaphore was just so uncool grin

musicposy Thu 16-May-13 01:31:43

DD1 is 17 and I pay for £5 of a £10 top up once a month, no more. I figure that's enough to cover her phoning me to ask for lifts.

The rest, she pays for. All she's had until now is the odd bit of babysitting money to pay it out of. She's just got a job for the summer but it's going to be a truly shit wage as they can pay teens so little. But I'm still not coughing up more than £5 a month. She always acts grateful for the £5 as without the gratitude the amount might quickly reduce itself by around a fiver and she knows it grin

Bogeyface Thu 16-May-13 01:45:32

Well as someone else who was also washing pots in a pub (until I got shafted, thanks new Landlord) I can say that I would resent being up to my elbows in dishwater to pay for a luxury that my child could pay for themselves.

And washing pots in a pub is shit, there is no two ways about it. It isnt snobby to say that no one would do it unless they had to! And yes, the fact that the OP is having to do that, because her first job wasnt bringing in enough, does pretty much give her the answer!

Bogeyface Thu 16-May-13 01:49:09

In fact, ignore the washing pots bit..

"AIBU to think that as I am working 2 jobs to make ends meet, my 17 year old DD should pay for her mobile phone out of her own earnings?"

That would have got a resounding YANBU

Oh and if you are not privvy to what she is saving for, why the hell should you subsidise it? If she were to tell you what she is saving for (I am guessing driving lessons and a car) then you could judge for yourself whether it is important enough that you are prepared to help her save by paying her phone bill. But if she wont tell you then no deal!

Is there something wrong with washing pots in pubs ? That's a rather snobby comment actually.

There's nothing wrong with it, but if OP and her DD are doing the same job in the same pub and the DD thinks that nevertheless the OP should be paying for her (DD's) phone out of her (OP's) wages rather than the DD paying for her own phone out of her own wages, then there seems to be something a bit askew.

Absolutelylost Thu 16-May-13 07:09:49

Actually, sad face I also took on a few cleaning jobs too - which I much prefer to the pots. But we are now back to a more relaxed financial situation, thank goodness. But, to be honest, we've never had to worry about money before and it's been a pretty sobering reality check.

The discussion I was having with my DD was about choices - she reckons she needs £10 a fortnight. If she cut down slightly on the junk food and fizzy drinks, she could do that easily. And I know exactly how much she buys because its scattered all over her room.

Absolutelylost Thu 16-May-13 07:11:27

I don't think she's saving for anything, I think it's a ruse for me to dig deep. I dream it's a deposit on a flat. Only joking, love her really.

Butkin Thu 16-May-13 07:27:40

I'd pay - they are only young once and at least she seems to be working hard. I would try and find out what she was 'saving' for though in case it was something I thought we should contribute towards.

comingintomyown Thu 16-May-13 07:51:27

My DC 16 and 14 both wanted iphones so both used all their birthday money to fund it. I pay £20 for each of them per month and they had to buy out two years contract value in advance so its all paid for up front apart from my £20.

I was against my DD in particular having one but I think teens really do put so much value on their phones and when I was a teen Mum was skint and I never had anything everyone else did so I think that affects my decisions.

If your DD at 17 doesnt do much around the house OP I can see why you would resent paying her phone costs and I would refuse to as well. MY DC get generous allowances too but are expected do regular jobs around the house all month without whinging.

Absolutelylost Thu 16-May-13 08:02:00

She does ok, she's just gone off to school with her iPad...

It's the attitude that bugs me the most - no appreciation just expectation. Though she's just agreed to babysit next week so perhaps we're moving forward....

Absolutelylost Thu 16-May-13 08:04:58

And can I also mention the 3 previous iPhones that have had cracked screens within weeks, and I have shelled out £60 a time to fix. And she had the cheek to complain that I did it on the cheap and I should have sent them back to apple and have them done properly....

stupidlybroody Thu 16-May-13 08:11:53

I'd make her pay. I've been paying my own phone since I've been old enough to have a contract. Unbelievably I'm 22 and the only one of my close friends who pays her own phone bill!!

LottieJenkins Thu 16-May-13 08:28:13

Absolutelylost It sounds to me like your daughter says "Jump" and you say "How high DD???" I cant believe that she complained about the repairs to her phone. She has broken it umpteen times so she should pay for repair. I bet she couldnt afford to send it to Apple like she wanted you to. My ds has a basic alcatel phone and I pay £5 a month for his contract to Virgin!

mrsjay Thu 16-May-13 08:36:57

just not forking out these incredibly high contracts each month for them

yes I agree with that that is why I refused too a tenner a month 02 did mine fine and no iphones either and I think if they have money then they should be paying for top ups or contracts, nobody really deserves an all singing all dancing mobile just cos their friends have them

Ibet all those saying oh I didnt have a phone when i was young I managed I bet if they were around in the dark ages you would all be wanting 1 and texting like loons like teenagers do today wink

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 16-May-13 08:39:33

I certainly wouldn't. Not while she was giving me that sort of attitude.

mrsjay Thu 16-May-13 08:45:02

Unbelievably I'm 22 and the only one of my close friends who pays her own phone bill!!

what shock

LottieJenkins Thu 16-May-13 08:45:44

Why are the contracts so expensive? Wilf's contract is £5 a month and includes unlimited texts which is fab as he rarely rings due to his deafness and communicates with everyone 99% of the time by text! smile

mrsjay Thu 16-May-13 08:52:09

I think it depends on the network lottie and what they have if they have say an IPhone then you have got data as well, DD2 has internet on her phone but hers is a tenner a month and she uses the wifi,

olgaga Thu 16-May-13 09:24:43

Unbelievably I'm 22 and the only one of my close friends who pays her own phone bill!!

Yes, I think it's quite common now. It depends entirely on whether the parents can afford it. The same, I suppose, as buying a car/paying for the running costs a car etc which a lot of parents seem to do as well.

There's no reason to be paying for really expensive contracts. People tend to pay way over the odds because they never compare when the term is up, never switch, or stick to PAYG which often works out much more expensive.

I'm a bit of a nerd in this respect, I admit, but I keep a close eye on mine and DDs usage and average it every 6 months.

In my case, years of being with one network has paid off because as an established customer I always get a positive response when I get in touch and ask to reduce and personalise my tariff.

Moneysavingexpert and Moneysupermarket are good places to start!

mrsjay Thu 16-May-13 09:27:29

TBH i am with tesco and I think we are 30 a month for 2 phones and that is with data added

BackforGood Thu 16-May-13 20:45:35

I'm with Lottie though - I pay £7.50 a month for 5000 texts, 250minutes and some internet (can't remember the amount but I've never got anywhere near the limit and use it most days).
Why would you want to be paying out £30 a month or more ? confused
Oh, and in case you think I don't use it 'cos I'm an old codger (true) my ds has his phone surgically attached to his hand, and he sticks to his £7.50 a month contract too (different provider)

CheapBread Thu 16-May-13 21:06:29

Bloody hell she's got an ipad aswell?! Just say no.

I can't help thinking mumsnet in 10years time will be full of parents moaning about having to give their adult children money to make their mortgage/car payments because they're financially clueless and entitled.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 16-May-13 21:27:44

Lolled at this ^ as I recall public phone boxes being a source or entertainment when I was a teen sad but true <hoiks Zimmer frame pants>

Is busby in?

marriedinwhiteagain Thu 16-May-13 22:15:23

Who with Backforgood. Which provider and do you have wide and strong signal cover throughout tHe UK and Europe?

SacreBlue Thu 16-May-13 22:38:40

sock grin Beattie splatter him against the wall as she opened her fridge

BackforGood Thu 16-May-13 22:53:17

I'm with TalkMobile.
ds is with Tesco.

Neither of us has ever had a problem with coverage, except in the remotest mountains of North Wales (and that's the same for all providers). No idea about rest of Europe - never used them there.

mum11970 Thu 16-May-13 23:22:10

We pay £15 a month for ds1 (15) contract with unlimited calls and texts. He has my old iPhone 3 gs and actually offered to pay it himself out of his paper round money but we agreed to pay it as part of his Xmas present. We're all on O2 as it's the only network we can get at home. We're on the north Wales coast, a mile down the road it switches to Vodafone.

I pay all my kids cell phone bills blush they are 20,19 and 17. They all work part time but are still in full time education so I told them Id pay till they finished college

lets not talk about the car payments and car insurance payments

EldritchCleavage Fri 17-May-13 12:09:57

I would tell her she can have a contribution (not the whole lot paid) when she starts making a regular, not nagged for and proper contribution to the running of the household: tidy room, basic chores (ironing, emptying dishwasher, putting bins out etc).

Absolutelylost Fri 17-May-13 12:48:22

I like the idea, Eldritch, can't see it happening in my lifetime!

EldritchCleavage Fri 17-May-13 13:21:55

Yes, but by offering (and her failing to accept) then the reason she doesn't get a contribution is HER OWN FAULT and ENTIRELY IN HER POWER TO CHANGE.

I'm very keen on making reasonable offers that are bound to be unreasonably refused. It outmanoeuvres the opposition and gives one the moral high ground!

What does your DH think, by the way?

LottieJenkins Fri 17-May-13 13:30:31

OP it sounds to me like you let her get away with it. You should tell her to do the jobs suggested rather than shrugging your shoulders and saying "not in my liftime........" hmm

higgle Fri 17-May-13 13:41:00

I amnot a particularly generous parent and DS2 isn't over indulged but I do pay for his phone (Contract, just under £11pm) as part of his pocket moey. PAYG is more expensive and he couldn't have the contract in his name until he was 18 anyway. I'll carry on paying while he is at uni - will ensure he keeps in contact and keeps safe, then he will be on his own.

Absolutelylost Fri 17-May-13 15:43:38

I do, to a certain extent Lottie, because she wears me down. I have 3 other children, 3 part time jobs, a DH with a demanding job and a fair size house to run. It's easier not to get sucked in. DH is supportive, we agreed that we would restore her contract when she cleared her room. She is in the middle of AS levels at the moment so she claims, probably reasonably, not to have time. As soon as they finish, she won't have that excuse anymore.

Absolutelylost Fri 17-May-13 15:46:11

I think she leaves her room looking like a squat to prove that she won't give in to my petty bourgeois demands for a semblance of order. Just seeing a square inch of carpet would be nice.

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