to be jealous of DH?

(52 Posts)
elQuintoConyo Sun 12-May-13 15:18:18

So, this morning we went to the beach, just to play in the sand, very much a last-minute idea.

Just as we're packing up DS's bucket and spade and random crap DH pipes up with, "do you know where my togs are?"

AIBU to be jealous that he can just jump into his swimmers straight from winter whereas I'd have to spend at least 2 hours de-hairing? (Or 3 days in advance of bikini-wearing as I go very red for days after).

So, there I sat, jeans and a t-shirt, feeling like an absolute idiot, "DH, can you go with DS to get a bucket of water? I'll get my jeans wet".

Last night I had a dream where I was wandering about with my yeti-legs and no one battered an eyelash. Mind you, naked DH was also there with a crocodile, so I can't rely on them.


(Or Should I be posting in S&B or Feminism?)

WorraLiberty Sun 12-May-13 15:24:08

Just keep your legs shaved if that's how you's not really a S&B or Feminism thing - it's a you thing.

I'm jealous you live so near to a beach though envy

Euphemia Sun 12-May-13 15:26:52

I live near the beach and it's never warm enough for less than jeans and a jumper. envy

Also, in "togs", too much hair is the least of my worries. sad

quoteunquote Sun 12-May-13 15:28:41

really hmm

So why does your husband not spend two hours de-hairing?

I go in the sea most days, It's never occurred to me that body hair could prevent me doing so, the only thing limiting your spontaneity is your thinking.

CoalDustWoman Sun 12-May-13 15:29:42

What's the worst that would happen if you did the same as your husband?

BrianButterfield Sun 12-May-13 15:30:49

Who the hell would notice hairy legs on a beach? I have never paid a blind bit of attention to anyone else on a beach.

HollyBerryBush Sun 12-May-13 15:31:06

2 hours de-hairing? how so? you drag a razor over and it's done in 30 seconds.

HildaOgden Sun 12-May-13 15:32:20

Plait it.

aldiwhore Sun 12-May-13 15:35:50

I'm more likely to notice a badly fake tanned orange person than someone with hairy legs.

If your bathing suit/bikini is the right size, and you're laughing and splashing about with your children, you MAY catch my eye, but it won't be looking at the hairiness of your legs it will be me thinking "Wow I wish I could have the confidence to just enjoy myself like her". Then I'd probably heave my blubbery body to the shoreline and start having fun with my kids too, and try not to worry about someone from Greenpeace trying to push me further out to sea.

Sirzy Sun 12-May-13 15:36:06

What Brian and holly said

Why don't you jus shave your legs generally, and 2 hours?! What are you? Worst case scenario you whack some veet on for 10 minutes, shower off and then your done.

ihearsounds Sun 12-May-13 15:37:29

2 hours shaving? Wow. Are you a yeti?
Invest in some swim shorts. Fab things. No need to care about the bikini line and the rash.

elQuintoConyo Sun 12-May-13 15:38:33

I have very pale skin with very thick, black, nasty hair that leaves me with a godawful rash and in-growing hairs.

2 hours would be: legs ankle-to-... well, muff! Which grows down to meet upper-thigh hair in its own affectionate way, like long-lost lovers!

On the beach I noticed my hairy toes were a bit carpety, too.

Bollocks sad

mermaidbutmytailfelloff Sun 12-May-13 15:39:17

I am more jealous of it being warm enough to go to the beach! It's freezing here!

WorraLiberty Sun 12-May-13 15:41:12

I have very pale skin with very thick, black, nasty hair that leaves me with a godawful rash and in-growing hairs.

All the more reason to keep them shaved over the winter.

It takes a couple of minutes as part of a bath/shower routine.

HollyBerryBush Sun 12-May-13 15:42:06

TMI grin

Although I'm perplexed at people who don't wave the razor round every day in the shower.

ihearsounds Sun 12-May-13 15:44:37

Veet. Wax. Electric razor. Regular maintenance.

BitOutOfPractice Sun 12-May-13 15:48:01

The thing that amazed me most about the op is why a grown man wouldn't know where his clothes are. And why he thinks you would know.

Saidar Sun 12-May-13 15:54:12

Yanbu. It's how you feel. But for what it's worth I don't look at other women on the beach to see how hairy they are and I wouldn't judge if I did catch a glimpse.

Even if they did, so what, you'll never see them again. Shave if you want, dont if you don't but if you want to go in the water get yourself in!

S&B would be good if you want tips on grooming yourself like this.
Fem is good if you want to dicuss how you feel about feeling like you need to groom before you uncover yourself.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 12-May-13 15:59:19

I'm a big girl - i don't have problems with my body shape - although i got flamed to within and inch of my life on here for claiming that. I have been known to strip down to my bra and pants and jump in the sea with DD (i tend to wear Bridget jones type pants anyway). So not only do i offend people with my blubber I probably scare them with my flowing hairs on my legs (which to be fair are blonde but i never really give it a second thought) Why should i modify what I do just to fit into a stereotype - just enjoy your life. Don't get me wrong, i do shave my legs but not unless its skirt/short wearing weather - There are often days where the sun catches us be surprise, why should i not go in the sea because of a bit of hair on my legs?

WafflyVersatile Sun 12-May-13 17:53:08

I think it might the suggestion that anyone who doesn't feel as comfortable as you do on this matter is not 'a big girl' might be what gets you the flaming.

I notice if people shave or not. I don't care if they do or not generally but I do notice.

selsigfach Sun 12-May-13 18:03:53

Yanbu. I've the same problem - pale skin with thick black fur everywhere (feet, nipples, leg hair that joins my pubic hair with night discernible difference). There's no way on earth I'd strip off for anyone unless I'd shaved that morning. I'm sure that all of you incredibly lucky ladies who would strip off without thinking are blessed with minimal/blonde hair.

CoalDustWoman Sun 12-May-13 18:15:50

Can someone tell me the worst that could happen? So I can be prepared.

Binkybix Sun 12-May-13 18:19:06

Do you mean that you're a big girl as in a) grown up about it or b) a larger size?

I also wish body hair was a thing of the past (apart from on head, eyebrows, lashes and muff within reason)

WafflyVersatile Sun 12-May-13 18:21:07

You will be shunned by polite society. That'll learn ya.

If you have pale skin and dark hair and enough money you are ideal for laser hair removal. I got my treasure trail done many years ago and once every couple of years I remember how annoyed I used to get with it and it's just so nice not to have to think about it any more.

WafflyVersatile Sun 12-May-13 18:22:15

Oh, good point, if it's the 2nd I take back my comment.

hermioneweasley Sun 12-May-13 18:23:04

OP, I bet it's not as bad as you think. Just go and join in next time. The reality is you don't know what others are thinking, and do you really care what someone who woukd judge a stranger who is having a lovely time with her kids, but has hairy legs, do you care what someone that judgey and shallow thinks?

I have, like LEM, been known to jump in with the kids in my bra and bridget jones when the kids were smaller and I was brave enough for the cold water. I am anything but slimline.

Nobody died of shock that I noticed. My hairy legs pits and bits were not commented on that I was aware of.

BrianButterfield Sun 12-May-13 18:25:29

I have pale skin and dark body hair. I waft an epilator over my pits once a week or so and do my legs when I remember. Shaving is a disaster for me. I rarely go bare-legged because it's not my style but I would epilate the night before if so. I do it while mning on my tablet so not arduous. Nobody has ever recoiled in horror.

Saidar Sun 12-May-13 18:25:41

"I'm sure that all of you incredibly lucky ladies who would strip off without thinking are blessed with minimal/blonde hair."

Nope, I am rather furry. Dark hair too, on pale skin. I do shave but there are occasions where I forget, went swimming with hairy legs, no one gasped or ran screaming. Just hair, unless they're dropping pubes onto your ice cream I doubt you'd give someone elses body hair a second thought at the beach.

I have a friend with pale skin/thick black hair combo and it is shockingly obvious if it's even been a day or two since she shaved it's a wee shame - we're all used to it but some women can be judgemental dicks about it and she gets self conscious.

I have pure blonde hairs but for sone reason they grow straight out of my legs like wee jaggys blush i like to shave even just to the knee before baring flesh too to protect people from my stabby legs

If i was in your shoes op i'd be jealous of your dh too!

CoalDustWoman Sun 12-May-13 18:29:45

Why "shockingly"? Are you shocked by men who have a 5 o'clock shadow?

Binkybix Sun 12-May-13 18:33:31

I used to feel that I needed to freshly shave legs before swimming. Now I'm pregnant it's more effort so I've relaxed my standards a lot. I don't think anyone's noticed. If they have, it's their own fault for looking that closely! I'd struggle to show pubes unselfconsciously though.

Mrsrobertduvall Sun 12-May-13 18:42:33

I am hair free as I have been lasered, but you wouldn't catch me in the sea at all grin

SkaterGrrrrl Sun 12-May-13 19:19:17

Can't decide if its tragic or ridiculous that you can't enjoy the water and beach with your family because of a bit of body hair. Obey some rule about an unobtainable standard of beauty/grooming or run whooping joyfully into the sea? Screw the rule. Come on in, the waters fine.

cory Sun 12-May-13 19:23:00

My doctor suggested that shaving my armpits is the most likely cause of the armpit cysts I have been having for the last 18 months (numerous bouts of antibiotics, one operation under a GA, months of pain and still not in the clear). No idea if he's right, but if so, that would be a good argument for the yeti approach. There is nothing at all attractive about large red swellings leaking pus as you move.

VenusRising Sun 12-May-13 19:27:51

Why doesn't your DH know where his blinking togs are - now that IS a thread for the feminist section!

AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 19:31:30

You need to start waxing. Once every 5 weeks. After a few years the hairs start getting finer and sparser. Honestly I am the same as you but after 10 years the hair on my lower legs is dead so they hardly have to do anything on that bit. The bikini line that used to reach my knees is a normal level and the worst bit at the back of my thighs is getting finer and finer. It isn't massively expensive (unless you have a brazilian like I do which adds £25 to the cost hmm). It is so worth it.

WorraLiberty Sun 12-May-13 19:38:00

How silly some people are being just because the DH didn't know where his 'togs' were.

When we go to the beach with the kids we've got all sorts of bags with things shoved in them, if my DH packs them how would I know which bags they were in?

I could spend a few minutes rummaging through them all, or I could errr....just ask him confused

crashdoll Sun 12-May-13 20:02:11

Exactly Worra. I assume these people have never lost anything and asked their partner where it is!

elQuintoConyo Sun 12-May-13 20:23:04

Holy cow, didn't think it'd turn into a DH-bashing thread! Conyo, indeed! We've recently moved, change if season/wardrobe and things are all over the bloody place. MrElQuintoConyo has been working flat out to support us (am sahm) through the move and may be forgiven for not keeping his finger on the pulse of his fucking togs. I asked him if he knew where my phone charger was yesterday, so shoot me.

Ok... so, very pale, very noticeably hairy, very painful to shave every day, no money for laser.

I only wanted to know if it was unreasonable to be 'jealous'. I don't have the balls to splash my furry way into the sea, although I do have the balls to stick two fingers up at a lot of other things.

I have now broken my 'First AIBU' virginity grin

WorraLiberty Sun 12-May-13 20:32:26

crashdoll, it just makes me think that their DH's are totally dependent on them and they assume everyone else's are the same. Otherwise they'd probably just see it as a normal question that either sex would ask.

Saidar Sun 12-May-13 20:34:41

And you came out of it relatively unscathed elQuinto.

I lost my bank card again last week, I asked DP if he knew where it was, he's a SAHD so tends to know where things have ended up if he'd done a tidy.

Perhaps you and your husband would like to join me for my public shaming, you can repent for the phone charger and your DP his togs. Swimwear optional of course.

Startail Sun 12-May-13 20:36:22

I don't worry on the beach in the UK, sun just has to be grabbed. I do try to defur for the lkcal pool incase I meet someone I know.

I think my very furry DH gets faintly self con conscious in Majorca where the blokes seem to remove their body hair, but he wouldn't admit it. No way is he shaving, or waxing it would be like sharing a bed with a hedgehog when it grew back.

Startail Sun 12-May-13 20:37:28

how does my kindle do that to local?

Euphemia Sun 12-May-13 21:02:17

I like the word togs.

Shockingly because i can see her on say, tuesday evening and again wednesday lunch and 'boom' she's covered again.

It's not a bad thing just used to make us go crikey o'riley at the speed of her hairs growth.

foreverondiet Sun 12-May-13 22:34:59

YABU for three reasons:

A) takes 5 mins in the shower with razor.

B) I have a homedics (IPL) and am beach ready now at any time smile - so if its important to you (not being seen hair free, deal with it in permanent way and

C) AND nothing bad would have happened if you put on an old t-shirt and old shorts and gone swimming in these, hair and all.

FWIW I have white skin and dark hair. Perhaps I wouldn't want anyone to see hairy arm pits or bikini line - but hair on legs not so bad and that really would take 2 mins in shower (and then wear shorts and t-shirt)

WafflyVersatile Sun 12-May-13 22:39:04


completely off topic. I know someone who used to get armpit cysts. For her it turned out to be anti-perspirant, or the perfume in it. Either way she doesn't use it or perfume any more and doesn't get cysts any more.


Is that a home IPL system? How effective was it? How many sessions?

amazingface Sun 12-May-13 23:28:48

If you're very pale with thick black hairs, I really disagree that you should be shaving all the time. Shaving is shit for this hair/body type. One ends up with giant and very noticeable hair follicles and what looks like perma-stubble. Any kind of fake tan just sits in the follicles and darkens.

Waxing is much much better. Over the years the re growth lessens and is much softer. I do my lower legs and bikini every few weeks with strips and do upper thighs on a need-to basis. Op yanbu to envy your DH, It's all such a bloody nuisance. Next time just run in, though, no one will be looking.

Pigsmummy Mon 13-May-13 11:20:07

I just epilate all year around, have bugger all leg hair left really and I take a lady razor to the growler in the shower. I could hit the beach now I wanted (if dressing gowns are acceptable out there as not dressed yet).

Try an epilator or frequent waxes rather than putting it off to make it a big deal.

VenusRising Mon 13-May-13 22:14:51

I asked why doesn't the OP's DH know where his own togs were because he blinkin' well should know, he's a grown up isn't he?

Hasn't he got a gym bag of his own? Doesn't he sort out his own kit? Does he sort out his kids' kits, or is that another job for herself indoors as well?!

Surely he takes the kids for a swim at the pool without his kids' mummy to help him in case he mislays the towels?

Maybe I'm being mean, the OP didn't say they lived together, but surely he should know where his own togs are then, if he has his own place?!

On another note, hair can be very useful in the cold water, it's like a wet suit. grin

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