AIBU to expect the buyer to pay the cost of my traveling to meet him half way?

(81 Posts)
WeAreEternal Sun 12-May-13 14:01:34

I sold something online, the buyer asked me if I'd meet him half way, I agreed, then realised he lived 5 hours away.

He has asked me to meet him two hours away, it will cost me about £50 to get there.
I told he this and he said "ok it will cost me about the same to get there too."

After several messages I figured out that he was under the impression that I would be coving the cost to get to the meeting city.
I told him that I would like him to send the £50 before I go and he said that he expected me to cover the cost from the money he is paying for the item he is buying. I said no and he has been really rude since.

I'm supposed to be going to meet him tomorrow, but I have said that I expect him to cover the cost of my traveling or I won't be coming.


FannyFifer Sun 12-May-13 14:03:16

You agreed to meet him before you realised the distance.

Not his fault so you should honour agreement.

HollyBerryBush Sun 12-May-13 14:03:47

Did you sell it as collection only?

His problem to collect it.

If you sold it as 'will deliver' - you should have factored in the costs.

Cancel the auction.

Sirzy Sun 12-May-13 14:04:37

You should have checked the distance and come to some sort of arrangement before agreeing to meet him half way.

NoSquirrels Sun 12-May-13 14:05:27

He paid the cost for the item itself, delivery costs are extra.

(Unless you stated that you'd deliver free of charge).

WorraLiberty Sun 12-May-13 14:05:29

I'd apologise and tell him it was a misunderstanding, and you're not prepared to do it.

But if I were the buyer, no way would I send someone £50 for petrol if I didn't know them.

Tryharder Sun 12-May-13 14:05:47

The buyer is being unreasonable and unrealistic.

Although, i cannot see personally how it would cost you £50 to drive 2 hours or even go that distance on public transport.

This is why we have couriers surely??

Earlybird Sun 12-May-13 14:05:49

How much profit will you be making on the item? If a lot, then travel and pay. If a little, ask for reimbursement or get him to come to you. Sort it upfront though.

Or consider selling the item to someone else. Would it be fairly simple / straightforward to sell it to someone else who could come collect it?

Glitterkitten24 Sun 12-May-13 14:05:49

What on earth are you selling? Surely if its going to cost £100 (I.e. £50 each for you and buyer) a courier service or postal service could be employed cheaper than this?

Yanbu to expect the buyer to pay, but possibly could have avoided the agro by clarifying this before agreeing you would travel.

WeAreEternal Sun 12-May-13 14:25:14

The item was advertised as cash on collection preferred but I would have happily posted if the buyer paid through PayPal.

The buyer asked to collect, but then said it was too far for him to cycle so would I be willing to meet him half way (which I why I didn't think it would be too far).
As soon as I realised how far it was I told him that I would expect him to cover my travel costs, but be didn't say anything, in a later message I told him how much it would cost me and he sent the above reply.

When I later realised that he thought I was paying my travel costs I challenged him about it.

The item is a pair of festival tickets.
I am selling them for face value, I'm not able to go for personal reasons but I'm not interested in selling them for a profit, I just want to get back the money I paid.
So I will be making no profit on the sale at all.

I have told the buyer that I can post the tickets, but he want to do the sale face to face.

WeAreEternal Sun 12-May-13 14:25:34

Oh and he has no paid.

Lj8893 Sun 12-May-13 14:28:44

Tell him he can pay via PayPal and you will be happy to post to him.

Or he can pay cash on collection, and he comes to you.

Or he can pay your travel expenses

Or you will have to withdraw the sale and sell to someone else

poopnscoop Sun 12-May-13 14:29:56

Tell him they're cost price, it's postage (which he pays), collection or nothing.

Hissy Sun 12-May-13 14:30:46

Don't do a thing until he has paid for them. Paypal only.

Send them special delivery signed for.

If he doesn't do this, cancel the sale and relist them.

poopnscoop Sun 12-May-13 14:31:17

'I have told the buyer that I can post the tickets, but he want to do the sale face to face.'

Why??? Sounds dodgy to me.

Give him a time limit to send pay and postage cost/collect... then cancel auction and re-auction. Keep all correspondence in case he files a claim.

HollyBerryBush Sun 12-May-13 14:33:19

Nope! he has to pay via paypal and you have to send registered - otherwise you have absolutely no protection whatsoever.

Cancel the auction as a non payer

Iggi101 Sun 12-May-13 14:40:41

He must be unable to use paypal. Which is dodgy in itself surely. No-one in their right mind would drive 2 hours with something the size of a ticket. Maybe the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's factory
Cancel sale. You are being honourable in not trying to make a profit - why give up your time and petrol for this eejit.

Footface Sun 12-May-13 14:40:56

If he takes them face to face, he might say he'd not received them and get PayPal to give him the money back

IrritatingInfinity Sun 12-May-13 14:52:12

I would ask him if you can mutually cancel the transaction. It is clearly ridiculous to consider meeting half way even if he paid your travel expenses.

Then I would relist them for local cash on collection (NOT PayPal)

Furoose is very informative and knows what she is talking about. I think she checks the EBay threads regularly. You could post on there and hope she sees.

Alternatively, you could post on the EBay thread on MoneySavingExpert.

diddl Sun 12-May-13 14:58:26

If he hasn't paid I'd do nothing.

Was it a "buy immediately"?-was there much other interest?

Could you re-list & factor in the cost of sending them by registered post?

schoolgovernor Sun 12-May-13 15:03:02

Whatever you do, don't leave him any opportunity to lie and claim non-delivery of goods after he's got the tickets and paid cash.
Personally I'd cancel the transaction and stuff the bad feedback he might give.
Next time just factor in the cost of tracked delivery.

WeAreEternal Sun 12-May-13 15:32:11

I did say on my advert that I was happy to post but would only post recorded delivery at a cost of £7. But that I would prefer cash on collection.
I know never to accept PayPal for a collection item.

I will send the buyer a message as advised.

bamboostalks Sun 12-May-13 15:34:55

Forget this buyer and relist.

Coconutty Sun 12-May-13 15:35:58

Do not go and meet him. Post them or refund him, no-one would travel that far to make zero profit.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Sun 12-May-13 15:39:01

He is either a lunatic, a crook or a murderer. Nobody drives that far for something that can be posted. I thought it was going to be an umbrella stand or double bass or something. You can post next day signed for for about £1.50.

phantomnamechanger Sun 12-May-13 15:42:24

It's tickets that are dead easy to post, and he'd rather you both had to travel long distances at some expense? You have to travel, give up all that time, trust that he WILL in fact be there when you get there? he expects all this of you and yet wont pay? (having blatantly misled you with the "too far to cycle" line!)

something very odd here, bordering on sinister and creepy in fact (it makes no SENSE) - avoid him and relist!

drinkyourmilk Sun 12-May-13 15:56:57

It all sounds very dodgy to me.
I'd cancel sale and relist

thishouseisashittip Sun 12-May-13 16:02:08

Another one here saying cancel and relist.
Quick question, why should you never accept PayPal on collection only?

NynaevesSister Sun 12-May-13 16:05:29

You will travel all that way and spend money and time to get there ... And he will say I only have X money with me counting on you being dispirited enough to just accept it.

If he gives you money in advance then it will be seen as you entering in to a contract and that gets complicated. Don't do this. End it now.

phantomnamechanger Sun 12-May-13 16:06:05

Q - does this buyer know your address? just wonder if he wants you out the house on a wild goose chase to burgle you or something, as there is no reasonable explanation for his expectation that you should incur significant expense in delivering to his chosen place.


Thishouse, the buyer can tell Paypal they never received the item, you won't have proof of postage obviously, so Paypal will automatically rule in their favour. The only safe way of collection is cash on collection.

thishouseisashittip Sun 12-May-13 16:17:36

Thanks breakout, I understand now.

Oldraver Sun 12-May-13 16:22:34

He bought them knowing he lived 5 flipping hours away..the onus is on him to cough up the travel expenses

Seems really dodgy. Buyer pays PayPal and registered post. You then have proof it was received or insurance if it's not. Either way, you're not out of pocket. Plus you'll save yourself the travelling money for you too.

Stuff the feedback and sell to someone else locally.

Iggi101 Sun 12-May-13 17:16:40

Why is the OP charging £7 to post a small envelope recorded delivery?

Iggi101 Sun 12-May-13 17:17:12

(Is that for insurance or something?)

thishouseisashittip Sun 12-May-13 16:02:08

Quick question, why should you never accept PayPal on collection only?

That's really for the buyer's protection, otherwise you could end up paying then going to collect from a false address.

Iggi - postage covers travel to PO and envelopes etc as well as cost of postage. To send recorded might not be much, but I would ask for insurance for the cost of the tickets, PO insurance only covers (I think) about £30? Next day delivery would also bump the cost up.

It's not for buyers protection Jackie. They are protected through Paypal anyway. As someone else said it's to protect the seller from the buyer claiming they'd not received it.

WeAreEternal Sun 12-May-13 17:50:03

The tickets are worth several hundred pounds, the woman in the post office told me I would need to pay extra for insurance as the item is worth more that £100.
It's a larger envelope because of a car parking pass and some booklets that came with the tickets.

The cost of 1st class recorded 'sign for' delivery plus the insurance was £6 something. I rounded it up to £7 for the cost of an envelope.

QueenStromba Sun 12-May-13 19:04:09

As others have said, this sounds really dodgy and you should just cancel the transaction. Sounds like this guy has just clocked you for a mug since you're selling the tickets for cost price.

For the people querying £50 for a two hour journey - it's that much return on the train from London to Bristol for about the same travel time.

facedontfit Sun 12-May-13 19:06:23

Cancel the sale - it sounds like the buyer is dodgy. Do not waste your time driving to meet him when they can be easily posted with insurance for a few pounds. I think he is out to rip you off. Why on earth would anyone be willing to spend £100 on petrol and hours driving when they are easy posted. It does not make sense. Cancel and relist.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 12-May-13 19:09:10

I would cancel it. I wouldn't be going miles and miles away to meet up with a stranger. what if he takes the tickets and legs it? or pays you with some fake money? or only has some of the money and tries to get you to accept that?

MysteriousHamster Sun 12-May-13 19:20:48

Cancel cancel cancel

PatPig Sun 12-May-13 19:45:44


phantomnamechanger Sun 12-May-13 19:52:20

fake money is a good point actually - I would not be going to meet an unknown person and handing over something valuable for heaps of cash on trust

as a pp said, you also run the risk they turn up minus some of the money and say take it or leave it, with you already out of pocket for the travel!

No no no!

sarahtigh Sun 12-May-13 20:03:47

tickets should be sent special delivery signed for is only upto £50

special delivery for upto 100g and £500 costs £6.22 so £7 is reasonable it is £6.95 if upto 250g

tell him to pay paypal send special delivery should be there the next day add tracking number into both ebay and paypal and you are safe

lljkk Mon 13-May-13 07:41:12

I think he's just a peculiar eccentric, he probably expects you to cycle all that way, too.
Just say you can't do it, £7 delivery price is more than reasonable.
Post order, cheque, Direct bank transfer or paypal* from a friend of his would suffice, too. (*you would be required to post to friend's paypal address, though, I think)

ENormaSnob Mon 13-May-13 07:57:08

I would cancel altogether.

He's a weirdo.

WeAreEternal Mon 13-May-13 08:07:55


so I emailed him as suggested and said that I wasn't willing to travel anywhere other than locally, and that if he wanted the tickets he either had to come and c

WeAreEternal Mon 13-May-13 08:09:17

Collect them or I could post them.

He has replied this morning.
He said I should post them and he will pay by bank transfer.

If there anyway this could backfire on me?

TwoFourSixOhOne Mon 13-May-13 08:10:20

Dodge city.

Avoid avoid avoid.

EasilyBored Mon 13-May-13 08:17:47

I think he can do a claim back on his account as an 'unauthorised' payment, if he does a transfer. Is there some reason he can't use paypal? I would say no, only through Paypal, as that way you are both covered if something goes wrong. He sounds dodgy though, so I would just cancel and re auction.

fedupofnamechanging Mon 13-May-13 08:18:52

You said cash on collection or paypal. Bank transfer is neither of those things.

I would ask him to send postal order, including cost for you to post items and once you have received it, then you post the tickets.

If you let him collect, arrange public meeting place and have someone with you. Don't give him home address.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 13-May-13 08:19:51

Well you would have to give him your bank details for a bank transfer so I wouldn't agree to that

Iggi101 Mon 13-May-13 08:33:17

Well, it's the other way round for a start - he pays by transfer, then you post. Don't think he could cancel it once you have money cleared in your account. But I can see you'll be extra cautious with all this.

Shutupanddrive Mon 13-May-13 09:15:25

I would tell him your sick of being messed about and he pays in the ways you have stated or forget it

loofet Mon 13-May-13 09:20:47

Demand payment by paypal and say you'll either post by recorded delivery and give him the price or he can collect. Not sure why someone would want to drive two hours to pick up some tickets... If he doesn't comply then just relist.

fdparis Mon 13-May-13 09:23:22

You must get the money before sending them.
Giving someone your bank details doesn't give them free access to your account.

MrsBertMacklin Mon 13-May-13 09:36:37

No to a bank transfer! There isn't any buyer protection offered by EBay for BACS payments.

shinyrobot Mon 13-May-13 09:36:57

Never, ever post your item out before you have the money. Bank transfer is safe to use but only post the tickets once the money hits your account.

MustTidyUpMustTidyUp Mon 13-May-13 09:41:17

Tell him PayPal by the end of the day or you will cancel the sale.

fdparis Mon 13-May-13 09:42:13

Mrs Bert Macklin - only if you're the buyer. Bank transfer is very safe when selling.

fuzzpig Mon 13-May-13 09:49:45

Have you got time to relist and only allow paypal/special delivery?

ChocsAwayInMyGob Mon 13-May-13 09:56:20

Cancel and start again. Paypal only, postagec cost include next day special delivery. Nothing else will be accepted. This buyer keeps persuading you to sell it in ways you don't want to.

Also, there's something very weird about someone who will travel for 2.5 hours to collect something that can be posted.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 13-May-13 10:00:55

Is it Glastonbury tickets? I'd buy one off you!

Fairylea Mon 13-May-13 10:10:22

For a pair of TICKETS?!

I thought you were going to say a whopping great sofa or something.

Tell him to get on his bike (pun intended smile ) or offer to send them special delivery. He is being a twat.

WeAreEternal Mon 13-May-13 10:23:56

I can understand wanting to be cautious, it is a lot of money.

What I'm worried about is whether he can reverse the bank transfer, by claiming he sent money to the wrong account accidental or something. Or if he can do anything with my details.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 13-May-13 10:33:47

I wouldn't give him your bank details are he already has a lot of info about you if he's intent on, say, id theft. He sounds strange and dodgy. I'd say Paypal today or you're cancelling the sale as he is refusing to buy according to the terms of your sale.

Ffuntimewincies Mon 13-May-13 10:34:21

Paypal exists so you don't have to give out bank details to all and sundry. You stated your terms, by bidding he agreed to them and now he says that he can't comply.

I agree with MustTidy. Paypal by the end of the day (say 8pm) or you'll cancel and relist. Too much money to risk losing.

Bearbehind Mon 13-May-13 10:42:50

I really would cancel the transaction. If he gives you bad feedback you can dispute it as he is failing to stick to the buying terms you stated.

It sounds well dodgy to me. If you had met him to give them to him he may have claimed never to have received them.

The bank transfer thing is weird too, in theory once you have the funds he can't get them back but you never gave him that as a payment option.

It sounds very dodgy.

Does your listing say you accept bank transfer?

I would cancel and relist, and flag him up to eBay - if this is where you are listing.

TooManyDicksOnTheDancefloor Mon 13-May-13 14:09:48

Don't do it. We sold lady gaga tickets and sent them special delivery and the buyer put in a chargeback on the payment. We we're out of pocket by £150 for 6 months while it was sorted out. The bank ruled in our favour but we still ended up with £30 in bank charges that we didn't get back. If something smells fishy, it usually is.

sarahtigh Mon 13-May-13 16:35:40

bank transfer is safe he may not have a paypal account it is not essential when bidding on ebay,

cumfy Mon 13-May-13 16:44:13

Always Paypal.

Always Post.

Cancel the transaction and inform ebay you're being pissed about.
Include a link to this post.
Ebay will not want bad PR.

I would also just suggest relisting and posting the link here!
I bet someone will really want the tickets.

Sarahtigh yes Paypal isn't essential to bid on Ebay. However the seller is entitled to state what payment methods they are willing to accept and the op clearly started Paypal or cash on collection only.

The buyer is taking the piss. They may well be genuine but you have to be concerned when he can't even read the listing properly. It would have been one thing to ask you these things prior to the auction ending but I wouldn't be putting up with this now in your shoes.

unless you want to risk being totally messed about then I'd relist. If he can arrange a bank transfer he can set up a Paypal account.

He is seriously trying to pull a fast one. He has your name and address, and you are considering giving him your bank account details? Just cancel the auction and relist. You are being set up for identify theft.

firesidechat Mon 13-May-13 18:03:17

Bank transfers are the safest payment method for the seller, not so great for the buyer because they cannot be reversed. The bank details you supply for a transfer can only be used to put money in, not take it out.

Apart from that, the whole transaction seems to be a right pain in the bum and the buyer is either dodgy or incredibly ignorant about how Ebay works.

firesidechat Mon 13-May-13 18:06:16

Personally I would go for one of two options:

Payment by Paypal and you send by special delivery.


He collects from your house and pays in cash.

You are perfectly within your rights to insist on this because you didn't offer other options in the listing.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Mon 13-May-13 18:36:59

God don't let him come to your house!

sarahtigh Mon 13-May-13 19:28:20

I agree he should stick to terms and it is a bit silly he can't read the description but it is scaremongering to say do not take bank transfer it is completely safe for seller no paypal fees and it can't be reversed

I would cancel the sale and relist the tickets TBH.

You listed this as cash on collection, or PayPal & post recorded. He wants to do neither. It's pinging my scam radar, I'm not sure I would trust him to not find a way to rescind the bank tranfer or even the PayPal (it can be done and PayPal are shit at actually listening to the seller IME).

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