Pretty sure I was being unreasonable and now feeling guilty

(28 Posts)
pizzaqueen Sat 11-May-13 10:32:02

Background, we were on a self catering holiday last week with DS (2.5). He's slept until 6:30ish except one day he was up at 5am, I got up with him until 6:30 then went back to bed for an hour. The following day when I got up with him at 6:30 DP stayed in bed until I woke him at 9 so I could go for a shower.

Yesterday we got home and I was more tired than before we went on holiday. DP sorted the washing and I took DS out to friends house for the afternoon. DP text to say he had an eye infection and had been to pharmacy so hadn't fond the weekly shop like he was going to. I went out and did the shop after DS was in bed. DPs eyes looked really sore by end of the night but he said 'I don't think I can get up with DS in the morning but I'll try'

DS woke at 6am I returned him to bed a few times (gro clock sun not up yet) then asked DP to help and he said 'why can't you do it, you need to learn how to do things yourself' but he did it. Then when DS came through at 6:30 he played about in bed and I know DP was waiting for me to take him downstairs but I just went back to sleep and he got up with him. I feel bad now because I think his eyes were really sore and he must be feeling rotten, but I was just so tired and I only get one lie in a week (DP works til 11pm so I let him sleep until 9:30ish on my data off, on my 3 working days he's up with DS).

Now I'm up, had a lovely sleep, DP and DS have gone out, no idea where, probably DP mums and I feel guilty for not getting up with DS. Knowing its going to hang over us all day because DP will be a moody. Only saving grace is that DS is away overnight tonight.

pizzaqueen Sat 11-May-13 10:35:39

Read that back now and realised I definately was being unreasonable! I should have let DP stay in bed instead of getting up with toddler when his eyes are so sore. Feel terrible, how can I make it up?

Loulybelle Sat 11-May-13 10:38:15

I dont think you were being unreasonable after getting up to DS pretty much the whole holiday.

I've had plenty of eye infections, still have to get up and take care of DD, its not the worse thing to have.

Loulybelle Sat 11-May-13 10:40:01

why can't you do it, you need to learn how to do things yourself

Also i find that line extremely patronizing

HaughtyCulture Sat 11-May-13 10:40:06

Sorry, but your DH sounds like a total sap not being able to do the weekly shop and get up with his child because he has an eye infection. He's milking it!

HaughtyCulture Sat 11-May-13 10:40:37

And I agree with Loulybelle

Loulybelle Sat 11-May-13 10:40:52

Well and truly milking it!!!

HaughtyCulture Sat 11-May-13 10:41:42

And actually, having read your post again, it sounds like your husband is controlling and that you are a bit scared of upsetting him.

He has a sore eye FFS! Hardly debilitating is it?

Kafri Sat 11-May-13 10:43:47

No you weren't being U. You were tired, he had a sore eye - why is his plight any worse than yours? You got up with DS on holiday and then took an opportunity for a bit of catch up.
I've had toothache for the last week or so and haven't had a magic fairy to sort out DS til it was better. DH has been wonderful when he's been around but he works so the rest of the time it's just me, DS and my poorly tooth...

He'll get over it, albeit after a big man sulk

cornypedicure Sat 11-May-13 10:44:42

An eye infection shouldn't stop him from looking after his child. Sorry but he sounds like a of a wimp.

LeaveTheBastid Sat 11-May-13 10:45:34

YANBU. How many times have you gotten up with him whilst being tired or sick? Way more than DH I imagine.

An eye infection doesn't need hours and hours in bed. He's best being awake and being able to keep it clean than him lying in bed growing eye crust.

If he gets the hump when he gets home point out my opening question to him and tell him he has the chance for a lie in tomorrow when ds isn't there. Honestly, if he sulks all day for losing a couple of hours sleep the he needs to get a grip.

I've sometimes been so tired that I've had to ask DH to get up with DD knowing he has had less sleep than me but sometimes you've just got to do what you've got to do to get through the day. Sounds like it doesn't happen often enough if you feel this bad for having some sleep.

GoofyIsACow Sat 11-May-13 10:45:50

YADNBU he sounds useless!

Booyhoo Sat 11-May-13 10:50:52

eye infection doesn't mean he needs more sleep! tiredness does!

eye infection doesn't affect his arms or legs or brain function. tiredness does.

he is milking it. why was he unable to do the shopping?

tbh i think you deserved the lie-in.

and why must you learn to do thing by yourself? does he think you depend on his support too much?? confused

i think that's a really odd thing to say to the other parent of your child- unless he was planning to leave!

wonderingsoul Sat 11-May-13 10:50:56

i dont think you are.

this is where the myth "children are better off with ther mothers" comes from. becasue we jsut get on with it, eye infection or not.

(i realize this is not true for s ome men, but other half id say)

when he gets back, dont say anthing other did you have a lovely day. dont clap his rewards for taking his chidl out, and you cant argue if you refuse to.

Booyhoo Sat 11-May-13 10:52:36

btw- some mornings i'm so tired it's fucking agony to keep my eyes open but i do it.

wonderingsoul Sat 11-May-13 10:55:53

he cant start a argumeant if you refuse part take.. that should read.

shelli135 Sat 11-May-13 10:57:51

He needs to get a grip and grow some balls. Eye infection pfft, definitely milking it and you have fallen for it by feeling guilty.

pizzaqueen Sat 11-May-13 11:02:34

Thanks ladies! That has helped me thinking maybe I wasn't being so unreasonable afterall.

He's really not that useless, he does a lot of DS childcare when I'm at work (and when I'm home) and more than his fair share of the house work I think that's where the 'Learn How to do it yourself' comes from because he's better at settling DS than I am and I'm always asking him where things are or how to work things (like the washing machine). It's just the sleep thing that gets to me! And his eyes did look very painful but you're right it's not going to stop him taking care of DS.

Hope he's not gone to his mums and said 'look at my poor eyes and pizzaqueen is still in bed'.

DragonMamma Sat 11-May-13 11:07:25

I don't think an eye infection is the end of the world so YANBU but how on earth do you not know how to use your own washing machine?!

cornypedicure Sat 11-May-13 11:07:43

that's probably exactly what he has done pizzaqueen - I thought that when I saw he'd gone to his mum's.

Will he be sat watching TV while his mum fusses over him?

cornypedicure Sat 11-May-13 11:08:38

Yes how do you not know how to use the washing machine?
Are you making excuses for him now?

pizzaqueen Sat 11-May-13 11:09:28

He does majority of the washing. I do know how to use it but I use it so rarely that sometimes I forget what setting (yes embarrassing). Just how we split things up, DP never cleans the bathroom for example.

Wishiwasanheiress Sat 11-May-13 11:14:01

I was with you til you mentioned the washer, now I'm left wondering if he's not quite as unreasonable as he initially sounded.....

So, I think ur both unreasonable.

Booyhoo Sat 11-May-13 11:20:46

washing machines are pretty self explanatory nowadays. i do think it's a bit lazy of you not to bother working it out yourself instead of depening on him and tbh if that's what he was reffering to with the "learn to do things yourself" then he has a point. but i'm guessing the washing machine wasn't the only thing he was referring to and i'm wondering if you actually are taking the piss a bit?

I have no idea who is being unreasonable really but just wanted to add, conjunctivitis (if that's what it is) can actually leave you feeling quite off colour and rotten as well as the obvious gritty painful eyes.

I've had it and was surprised to feel generally unwell as I always thought it was just a 'sore eye' thing.

LeaveTheBastid Sat 11-May-13 11:28:31

Oh FFS, OP dares not to take control of the washing in the house so that means she is a lazy cow and does nothing else so her DP has the right to stomp about all day with a nark because she needed some sleep? hmm

She has already said the washing is balanced out by her cleaning the bathroom. Fair compromise I think, I'd rather do washing than scrub a toilet.

Fair enough it's daft that she doesn't know how to work it properly (perhaps put a little sticker next to the setting you use most OP) but I fail to understand how that means she doesn't deserve some sleep.

Booyhoo Sat 11-May-13 11:33:36

yeah that's what i said bastid hmm

i didn't say she should be doing the washing. i said it was lazy of her not to bother working out how to do it herself when she chooses to do it. it really would take all of 30 seconds to look at the dials and buttons and see which ones need to go on.

i didn't say that had any bearing on whether she didn't deserve to lie-in this morning. i already said upthread she deserved the lie-in. my comment about teh washing machine was saying he might have a point saying "you need to learn to do things yourself" and that i'm guessing he wasn't just talking about teh washing machine.

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