to stay in an hotel for the night just so I can sleep?

(75 Posts)
insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 08:18:25

Or is it really selfish to leave DH with DCs for one night, after they have been put to bed, and come back early in the morning?
I have not slept properly for years now but had an amazing night last Friday when DH was away. I slept beautifully and felt normal for the first time in a while.
Is it cheeky to just book a room and go?

AnythingNotEverything Fri 10-May-13 08:24:35

Is it DH that stops you sleeping or the DCs?!

bubblesinthesky Fri 10-May-13 08:26:34

So is your DH the problem or the children? Does he snore and wriggle keeping you awake?

If its your DH do you ahve a spare room you could spend a night or two in?

If its the children then YANBU as they'll disturb you where ever you are. I'm so exhausted lately I started fantasising about being admitted to hospital with something minor and curable!! A hotel sounds much nicer though

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 10-May-13 08:33:36

What stops you from sleeping well at home?

Haggisfish Fri 10-May-13 08:38:03

YANBU - you would also be able to have the luxury of an uniterrupted bath, dinner and breakfast, possibly leisurely reading some newspapers as well. And watching what you want on TV. Go for it.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 08:38:05

Itching and scratching keeps me awake, I can drift off then wake up scratching my skin and it is incredibly painful. I have had loads of tests, waiting on a thyroid one and under a consultant dermatologist. I take antihistamines and an immuno-suppresant.I eat and drink properly etc etc. I have done everything I can but the itching combined with DH's incessant snoring and, last night, DD crying on and off meant I didn't drift off until around 4am. Up at 6am.
I really think I can't cope anymore with this. I am not me as I am constantly sleep deprived.
No spare room and no where else to sleep...

Cravingdairy Fri 10-May-13 08:50:39

I think you should.

bubblesinthesky Fri 10-May-13 09:01:03

In that case OP give it a go. It sounds like you need it.

Itching is miserable. I had obstetric cholestatis during both of my pregnancies and was so itchy and miserable I had to lie on the tiled hall floor naked as it seemed to be the only relief I could get. Like you I lost a lot of sleep to itching. I hope they find a solution soon for you.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 09:23:06

thanks, I honestly feel like i am falling apart at the seams through this. I do feel bad for DH as it is not his fault he snores and he gets disturbed by me in the night and he has stuff to worry about so I was worried about being selfish.
Has anyone used a sleep clinic or been referred? It is about the only other thing I can think of that might help me as tried homeopathy, calm music, hypnotherapy etc as well as sleeping tablets.
I wish I could cry but it seems stuck inside me so I just carry on but feel fairly useless and worthless at the moment.
Sorry for moaning.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 10-May-13 09:25:48

Oh bless you, sleep deprivation is so horrendous. Don't feel useless, feel proud of yourself - you've done amazingly to cope under these circumstances.

Right, book a nice b&b. And there's no reason why it should be a one-off, either.

flowers

mezza123 Fri 10-May-13 09:49:37

Defo do it if u can afford it! Perhaps u should make it a weekly thing?! I get eczema and psoriasis, and they are worse, and the itching is worse, when I'm tired, so who knows it might help with that too.

CMOTDibbler Fri 10-May-13 09:55:44

Has your dh done anything about the snoring? I do bang on about it on here, but my dh was a terrible snorer, and it took me having a complete tantrum about it when ds was little for him to go to the GP about it and get referred to a sleep clinic. Turns out he had very severe sleep apnoea that would have significantly shortened his life. He started on cpap straightaway, and there has been blissfull silence in my bedroom ever since.

On the itching, have you tried menthol cream? My mum has terrible eczema, and when she was menopausal it went crazy. A lovely german dermatologist prescribed her 1% menthol in aqueous cream, and it cooled and deitched like nothing else.

But in the short term, book yourself a night in a hotel, or ask a friend for a bed for the night just to get the energy up to cope

orangeandemons Fri 10-May-13 09:57:42

I've been to a sleep clinic twice. They found out...um...well..I had insomnia. As if I didn't know! They got me to try some cbt which didn't work.

I now take very low dose of mirtazapine which is an anti d. Sleep like a baby most nights, and rarely hear dd. the difference in quality of life is amazing. Also it is also an antihistamine which may help with itching.

Can I just say I had tried every single thing up till this point. Even my doctor said she didn't k ow no one else who slept as badly as me

orangeandemons Fri 10-May-13 09:58:07

Know any one else...

JamNan Fri 10-May-13 10:05:41

You poor thing. I can really sympathise I've gone to sleep with friends or slept in the car before now. I often used to go to bed before 8pm just to get some sleep. Ask your DH's GP to refer him to a sleep clinic to find out what the problem is. He may benefit from a CPAP machine that helps stop sleep apnoea (you deffo will).

Google sleep apnoea it is a very unhealthy condition and should be investigated. DH will be sleep-deprived too although he may not admit it. I don't know if you work outside the home. Can you get a baby sitter or friend to look after the DCs during the day so you can get a few hours' kip? I'd go to a hotel myself if I could afford it (one with a spa).

But get it sorted asap. Sleep deprivation can be dangerous especially when driving.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 10:49:48

thank you, had not thought of sleep apnoea. What are the signs of this?

Poor you!

But lets look at your husband. Any chance he can address his snoring? A bit cruel of him not to try?

Is he overweight?

SooticaTheWitchesCat Fri 10-May-13 10:55:57

I have thought about doing this many times. It's ok now but when my girls were younger they never slept well, I used to be awake on and off all night, every night. It is horrible to never get enough sleep.

I can't offer any advice on the itching but if you can go off and have just one good night's sleep it will do you the world of good.

JamNan Fri 10-May-13 11:12:02

OP signs & symptoms of sleep apnoea but it is important to get it correctly assessed and find out why DH is snoring. Don't bother with the plastic nasal separator things you can buy at the chemist they are useless.

SerendipityAlways Fri 10-May-13 11:17:35

Oh OP do it!!! I have often thought about doing that myself too....just one night of silence, room service, fluffy towels and bathrobe and no DCs to keep me awake...sleep deprivation is an awful thing and you in no way should feel guilty about taking 1 night out for yourself!smile

happyAvocado Fri 10-May-13 11:20:23

has your DH been to GP to investigate his snoring?

valiumredhead Fri 10-May-13 11:23:23

Would your hd not sleep on the sofa for one night so you can have the bed to yourself? Or on an air mattress downstairs/in the front room?

If not then book yourself that hotel room! Just thinking that it won't be a long term solution and might actually make you feel worse unless you can afford a hotel room every night.

Quenelle Fri 10-May-13 11:25:38

Definitely just do it. Get a good night's sleep under your belt so you feel able to tackle the other issues.

When you are so completely fatigued your brain just can't function sufficiently to let you solve the real problems.

Quenelle Fri 10-May-13 11:26:32

The problem with sending a snorer to another part of the house is you can still hear them but they're not within stabbing prodding range.

JamNan Fri 10-May-13 12:13:53

Sometimes snorers are not aware of just how serious the problem is, or how it affects those around them. My DH didn't believe it until the people at the sleep clinic showed him the video and told him that the decibel level of his snoring was as loud as a lorry engine, he stopped breathing 137 times during the sleep session and several times his blood pressure was dangerously low.

To get him to the GP/clinic I had a meltdown after spending every night for years in purgatory. It was hell on earth and I was so sleep-deprived that I made mistakes that were potentially dangerous. Things are much better now that he uses a cpap machine and I get several hours decent sleep.

IvorHughJarse Fri 10-May-13 12:35:26

Oh poor you. Agree you should speak to a medical person to rule out any underlining causes of sleeplessness but in the meantime absolutely, why not go and spend the night somewhere else if you can? I did this a few years ago when DH and I had a one bedroomed flat. His snoring was driving me NUTS and I went and slept at a Travel Inn for two days. Bliss

Wibblypiglikesbananas Fri 10-May-13 12:39:07

Short term, the hotel could be a good chance to recharge your batteries but long term, it's not a sustainable solution.

I think both you and DH need to make a concerted effort to ease the symptoms that are disturbing each others' sleep, say for three months, and then after that look at separate beds or rooms.

You cannot live your life on no sleep - neither of you can - and with little ones added into the mix, it's a recipe for disaster. I get the impression that DH's snoring disturbs you more than your scratching disturbs him, but you sort of see it as tit for tat - you can't complain about the snoring as you sometimes disturb his sleep too.

It's interesting that you slept well when DH was away. Do your think it's a psychological thing, ie you can't sleep as you're waiting for DH to disturb you when he's there? When he's not there, you can relax as there's no chance of his snoring noise waking you.

JamNan Fri 10-May-13 13:58:29

Wibbly
'It's interesting that you slept well when DH was away.'...

It was probably because OP had peace and quiet and not the usual noisy experience that prevents her from sleeping. She is addressing her own medical problems. Separate beds or even rooms does not really help much because you can still hear the snoring and (in my case) you listen out to make sure they are still breathing. It is quite frightening when the snorer stops breathing many times a night and you have to turn them to make them breathe in or wish you had an cattle prod to electrocute him with. Of course I don't know if OP's DH does that. In my own experience I used to look forward to DH working away so I and the rest of the family could sleep soundly and get our energy back. Three weeks was bliss.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 17:04:50

thank you all, I will talk to DH about Drs for snoring, although to be fair to him its probably way down his list of priorities as he has just had tests due to blood in his urine so snoring isn't something he is more worried about just now.
When I asked him about the hotel he said 'Oh God' and sighed and then later said there were more important priorities at moment (his tests, and His Dad being diagnosed with something unpleasant)
He did say yes I could do it but I think we might go with the suggestions here with the air bed although I don't think for one minute that he will offer to sleep on it- that will be me.

My friend has two under three. I go round with wine, help with 2.5y/o's dinner, bath and bedtime, she cooks and then we drink and eat and chatter and I sleep in her spare room. Always an earlyish night as she's up at the crack of dawn with the DC but I always sleep like a log. Any friends with spare rooms who might be up for that sort of evening?

(Or even a friend with a spare room and no DC...!)

By all means go for a hotel/BB if you can afford it though.

"More important priorities" than his wife and the mother of his children on the brink of collapse from exhaustion? confused

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 10-May-13 17:20:30

YANBU. Sign up on Travellodge for deals. If you can go any night at anytime sometimes it's as low as £15. You need to sleep a bit before you can handle anything else.

Or crash at a friend's.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 17:28:24

I know Mermaid, thing is this has gone on for so long that I think I may be a bit broken now and therefore not 'putting out' for DH (such a lovely expression) and I think this is a factor with him not taking me as seriously as I think he could. I would love a lazy evening together with some affection etc that did not have to end in sex but he says it is a 'give and take' thing and what would he get out of it.
When written down it does look at it like he's a real sod but he's not, I just don't think he understands how I feel and I may be expecting too much.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 17:29:32

so- sorry posted too quickly- I may be in bed and a bit anxious with him there and that may trigger the scratching. This would explain why it was bliss last weekend without him.

I read somewhere that a survey showed that even though people think they sleep better with their partner in the bed with them, it's actually not true - they monitored many couples and on the nights they slept apart each had more deep sleep. (I am single, and LOVE that I get a double bed to myself with no-one waking me)

Re your itching - perhaps bring your own sheets to the hotel just in case different detergents on the hotel's linen exacerbates the itching. If you're going to do it, may as well make sure you get the most out of it!

squeaver Fri 10-May-13 17:34:20

Just waned to echo CMOT re the snoring. My dh also has sleep apneoa. It really is a life shortening condition and he should see the doctor about it.

Pigsmummy Fri 10-May-13 17:47:59

I dream of a night on own in hotel!

MissBetseyTrotwood Fri 10-May-13 17:51:24

My friend's DH gave her this one birthday. Go for it!

Mumsyblouse Fri 10-May-13 17:52:51

It is far from clear that his snoring is an unimportant health problem- if he has sleep apnoea like my husband it causes accidents, high BP, raises the risk of stroke/heart attack and make the person feel terrible. He might not have it, but look at the symptoms online as the person listening to it is sometimes better placed to hear if they are stopping breathing as well as snoring, and even just extremely loud snoring is very bad for the airways. If you think it is that- go to the GP, get a sleep study done and find out for sure.

I think OP you need to start putting your health higher up your list of priorities, at the very minimum when my husband's snoring was at its worst, I wore earplugs always and slept separately several days a week. Not romantic, but neither is being on the edge of a breakdown through exhaustion.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 18:49:51

Right- bag packed. Booked a room and off shortly. An actually really excited!

DublinMammy Fri 10-May-13 19:43:01

Enjoy!! Oh! You are probably asleep already or raiding the minibar

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 10-May-13 20:00:34

Great stuff.

Sleep tight OP.
Xxx

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 20:11:21

Right, I'm at the hotel. Fingers crossed I sleep well. I do feel a bit conspicuous on my own and just walked past a room from which there were loud amorous noises. Odd!

DrSeuss Fri 10-May-13 20:14:08

Check out Groupon for a deal and go!

SybilRamkin Fri 10-May-13 20:21:27

Ooh, well done OP, I really hope you get a decent night's kip! Have a nice glass of wine and relax!

BearsInMotion Fri 10-May-13 20:27:01

Enjoy smile

I am going to a conference in 2 months and will spend 2 nights away from snory DP and never-sleeping baby DD, and am already looking forward to it and wondering if I can blag an extra night

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 10-May-13 21:00:11

Oh that's ace!

I use these to help me sleep. They are really good.

needaholidaynow Fri 10-May-13 21:09:35

I can't sleep next to DP, haven't been able to for a while now due to his snoring sad its either me or him on the couch every night without fail, and a lot of falling out.

needaholidaynow Fri 10-May-13 21:10:17

Oh and OP,

YADNBU!

BIWI Fri 10-May-13 21:13:16

How lovely! Room service dinner with a large glass of wine or three, hot, deep bath and an early night. What bliss grin

LaGuardia Fri 10-May-13 21:16:35

I wouldn't sleep well in a hotel without my family - I would worry something bad was going to happen while I was away.

Are you less itchy in the hotel linen?

CMOTDibbler Fri 10-May-13 21:51:50

BearsinMotion - 3 of us at work who all travel on business had babies within 3 months, and I remember going on a trip when they were 9 months old odd and we were working out that if we got to the hotel and threw our bags down we could eat dinner and still go to bed by 9. It was the knowledge of the fact that no one would wake you in the night till the alarm went off that was blissful. Ds sleeps like a log now, but I still like stretching out in a spotless bed and waking up without a little friend, much as I love him and the cuddles

WhitesandsofLuskentyre Fri 10-May-13 22:33:32

I spend weeks of my life sleeping on our (very comfy) sofa because we don't have a spare room and I snore really badly. I've had surgery for a deviated septum, and although it's better, it still sends DH into a rage after a number of sleepless nights (he's an insomniac, and if I fall asleep faster than him, he doesn't fall asleep at all). My GP won't take me seriously, unfortunately, so I've never been sent to a sleep clinic. I've tried mandibular devices, throat sprays, nose strips and chin strips (which basically tape your mouth shut), all to no avail. Oh well, not long now till DD1 goes to uni, so we can sleep in separate bedrooms...

Sadly, it means we can't ever go on holiday. Camping is out of the question because it's selfish of me to inflict my snoring on other people, and we can't afford the extra space for me to have my own room elsewhere.

insomniarules Sat 11-May-13 05:15:40

Well, although I woke up at 5am I slept from 9.30 and was itch free. Feel very rested and a lot calmer. Thank you for your support and suggestions yesterday, really appreciated it.

chrome100 Sat 11-May-13 06:05:12

Yay! Pleased to hear it smile

Trumpton Sat 11-May-13 06:12:20

So pleased for you. DD has two children (2.5 and0.8 ) and has started to have a night with us ( local ) one night a week. I make sure that there is loads of hot water and candles in the bathroom and clean linen on the bed. Welcome to the Hotel DD !

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sat 11-May-13 07:10:20

Hooray! Could you make it a regular thing OP?

BIWI Sat 11-May-13 08:54:10

Yay! It's amazing the difference a good night's sleep makes, isn't it?

insomniarules Sat 11-May-13 08:57:09

Ooh. And after my cup of tea with two tiny tubs of plastic milk and the little packet of biscuits I fell asleep again! Just woken up! Love if! Feel so much happier.

CMOTDibbler Sat 11-May-13 09:30:26

fab to hear that - sometimes just one nights really good sleep makes all the difference

Wonder why you itch at home and not in the hotel?

There must be something you can do sad

do this regularly.

take the kids today and give your dh a break.

make it worth his while to let you get a decent night's sleep.

valiumredhead Sat 11-May-13 13:49:20

Glad you slept well smile

Yuu have done all the basic stuff like eliminating washing powder/softener as the culprit of itching, haven't you?

Joiningthegang Sat 11-May-13 13:57:37

I am smiling for you

Sleep deprivation is hideous - for a year I went to a friends house for dinner and wine and caught up on sleep there - she was a lifesaver x

Joiningthegang Sat 11-May-13 13:58:17

Once a month over a year - not a whole year! That would be out staying a welcome!

If you itch at home and not at the hotel, what laundry detergent do you use?
Do you use fabric conditioner?

insomniarules Sun 12-May-13 09:25:20

Well... Some progress as itch free last night in own bed! Yay! I got the air bed ready downstairs and maybe knowing if was there was enough to sleep in my bed as there was an escaped route- if you know what I mean.
We wash with Surcare and no conditioner.
Just really pleased I've managed two nights consecutively!

BIWI Sun 12-May-13 09:29:45

Re the itching, one thing to consider is your diet - are you eating a lot of carbs? That may seem an odd question, but one of the unexpected side effects I found of eating a low carb diet was that my itchy skin totally disappeared.

I found, from my reading, that it can be a condition that is linked to both candida albicans and Irritable Bowel Syndrome - both of which I suffered from, and both of which has disappeared since I started low carbing.

BIWI Sun 12-May-13 09:30:12

...both of which have, of course blush

SarahBumBarer Sun 12-May-13 09:34:59

Wow - insomnia. I'm so glad you got your night away. The fact that I occasionally work away (hence get to relax for a night in a hotel) has saved my sanity a couple of times since I had DC (DH also snores) as I make the most of it and it is bliss. DON'T feel self-conscious on your own -no-one cares or notices - it is so common place these days. Last week in the hotel I went down for dinner and of the 8 tables occupied only one table had more than one person on it.

If I could afford it and trust DH to actually wake up when the boys do I'd do this in a heartbeat.

I start itching when I am tired.....

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