To have wanted to say 'grow up' to this woman

(109 Posts)
Kasterborous Thu 09-May-13 20:41:03

Me and DD went to this group today, went to sit in this chair in a circle of chairs only to realise this other woman had been sitting there first. Fair enough. There were plenty of other chairs so I said to her sorry I didn't realise and I'll move and not sarcastically I didn't have a problem with it. She said huffily I'll get another chair and disappeared. I moved to the next chair along and her friend she was with put a book on this chair. Her friend reappeared and said very loudly 'oh good you have stopped anyone sitting there' while looking pointedly at me. It just pissed me off, I didn't say anything wasn't worth it. I know I'm moaning but sometimes the adults are worse than the kids.

TattyDevine Thu 09-May-13 20:45:01

They are knobs, learn the one side of your mouth goes up whilst the other eyebrow twitches smile.

TattyDevine Thu 09-May-13 20:45:33

**NB - MumsnetHq we will be needing an emoticon for that

Boomba Thu 09-May-13 20:46:18

i dont understand confused

TattyDevine Thu 09-May-13 20:47:12

Also, next time fart loudly and say "ooh I am sorry pelvic floor not what it used to be" and waft them towards her.

everlong Thu 09-May-13 20:48:35

What group was it? <nosy>

TattyDevine Thu 09-May-13 20:48:42

**drink cocktail of lemon juice and bicarb first

Bicarb first, then lemon juice half hour later. With a baked bean chaser.

Kasterborous Thu 09-May-13 21:19:50

It was rhyme time at the library

Mynewmoniker Thu 09-May-13 21:28:44

You should have volunteered a rhyme like...

'There was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good she was very, very good
but when she was bad she had a tantrum over a chair that she didn't even own!

and glared at her grin

Euphemia Thu 09-May-13 21:31:08

I went to sit down on a chair
Without knowing your arse had been there.
I was nice and polite,
but you wanted a fight.
You want a piece of me at rhyme time?
Come ahead, I'm in my prime.

smile

foslady Thu 09-May-13 21:37:06

With apologies to William Hughes Mearns

As I was going for a chair
I met a woman who wasn't there
She wasn't there again today
I how i wish she'd piss off go away

CrapBag Thu 09-May-13 21:41:48

"Also, next time fart loudly and say "ooh I am sorry pelvic floor not what it used to be" and waft them towards her."

This really made me grin

MrsKoala Thu 09-May-13 21:55:21

I feel your pain OP. I am just learning baby group madness. This week i went to a group and 7.5mo ds sat next to an older baby (he crawled over and sat there nicely), he looked at the toy this other baby was playing with and the mother shouted NO in ds's face. I looked like hmm at her and she said, 'i was just pre-empting him going for the toy' umm okay then.

i have vowed that if that happens again, i'm going to tell the person to fuck off. i suggest you do the same!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 09-May-13 21:58:24

When all the Mums were sitting and the cow was very mean
Up jumped the nutcase and this is what she said
I'm a dingle dangle nutcase with a problematic tude'
I can shake my head like this and I can be very rude...

LittleMissLucy Thu 09-May-13 22:00:22

The woman sounds like an arse. Can you chalk it up to mommy-fatigue?

HandMini Thu 09-May-13 22:04:54

Twinkle twinkle you're a twat
I wonder how you got like that

Up above, your ego's there
Getting arsey about a chair

Twinkle twinkle you're a freak
Please don't come to this group next week

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 09-May-13 22:06:06

Mini grin "Come on everyone! All point at the twat!"

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 09-May-13 22:07:15

Old Mrs Moany had a chair...Eei Eei Oh! And on that chair the OP sat...Eei Eei oh! With a huff huff here and a tut tut there...here a huff there a huff...

TerrysNo2 Thu 09-May-13 22:10:57

Kastor is this rhyme time in a Surrey town beginning with E? If so, you may have seen my DD there with the nanny. I'm sure it wasn't her though!

MrsOakenshield Thu 09-May-13 22:11:56

oh god, i've been to groups like this, it's like being back at school where X absolutely has to sit next to Y or the world will fall in because they're so socially inept. You know that they will yak all through the group so that the leader ends up having to shriek, not over the toddlers singing and bashing their triangles, but the parents.

comelywenchlywoo Thu 09-May-13 22:12:39

hand I want to come to your rhyme time! grin

HandMini Thu 09-May-13 22:12:55

Zoom zoom zoom, you're nuts about a chair
Zoom zoom zoom, I just don't fucking care
5...4...3...2...1...twaaaaat.

Kasterborous Thu 09-May-13 22:15:01

No it wasn't in Surrey. These rhymes on here are making me grin, especially the one to I'm a dingle dangle scarecrow because we sang that one today. Wasn't mummy fatigue her DC looked older than my 14 month old DD.

HandMini Thu 09-May-13 22:16:00

Wind the woman up
Wind the woman up
Twat twat
Nob non nob

Give her chair back again
Give her chair back again
Fool fool
Arse arse arse

Point to the ceiling, point to the floor
Point to the window but don't whatever you do point at anyone else's chair you bitch

Clap your hands together one two three
I'll sit where I like, don't fuck with meeeee

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 09-May-13 22:16:18

Oh yes Kaster....those groups ALWAYS sing Dingle Frigging Dangle. It still haunts me 5 years later!

TerrysNo2 Thu 09-May-13 22:17:33

Oh I love Dingle Dangle Scarecrow, I know all the different verses too. [where is my smug emoticon] wink

Kasterborous Thu 09-May-13 22:18:26

grin grin at you all. Will have to be careful not to sing these versions next week! grin

HandMini Thu 09-May-13 22:19:42

We're all coming with you next week to take her down.

BonzoDooDah Thu 09-May-13 22:25:31

"Come on everyone! All point at the twat!" <splutters>

This really is the first thread I've cried laughing over.

BonzoDooDah Thu 09-May-13 22:29:23

Incy Wincy Spider climbing up the chair
When she reached the top no-one was sitting there.
Down came the book and squashed the spider flat.
Coz just like her friend the owner was a twat.

MatureUniStudent Thu 09-May-13 22:34:29

Brilliant. I love the alternative nursery rhymes. Takes me right back to a time I never want to visit again.

Kasterborous Thu 09-May-13 22:35:57

I'm a stupid stupid woman,
With a flippy floppy twat,
I can shake it like this, I can shake it like that.

My chair. You sit there.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 10-May-13 01:21:13

oh dear! laughing so much that DS has possibly just had milk shake!

row row your boat anyone?

Look, look there's a twat,
Sitting on that chair,
I accidentally took it off of her,
She gave a nasty stare!

mum11970 Fri 10-May-13 01:31:00

Just have to learn to get a thick skin, happens all the time a school concerts. One person goes early and hogs a whole of front row for laterer family. Most I do is save a seat for dh and dump youngest in it and then stick him on my knee when dh arrives. Luckily we live in a small village, so usually know who's saving for who, and just move ourselves around to accommodate other adults and kids go where ever.

cory Fri 10-May-13 06:30:05

I ran a little baby group,
Nothing would it bear,
But a crop of tut-tuts
And a collared chair.

Littlefish Fri 10-May-13 06:42:57

Absolutely brilliant Handmini

Wind the woman up
Wind the woman up
Twat twat
Nob nob nob

Genius!

MummaBubba123 Fri 10-May-13 06:57:41

I arrived first at my son's school line today. Rarity! He us in Reception.
He stood at the front of the line. A 5 year old marched up to us, looking quite disgruntled, having been playing in the distance. "That's Lee's bag! You're not first!".
I picked the bag up and moved it away, gently. "Thjs is a bag. It is not a person and it isn't Lee. Jack is first because Jack is the first person in the line today.".
Can't bear this crap!
I've been to a kiddy party before where I had a 4 yr old, a 1 year old (in arms) and a huge baby bag. There was one spare chair... with a handbag on it.
"Is anyone sitting here?".
"I'm waiting for my friend to come."
"You're waiting for your friend to come?"
No reaction.
I walked on.
Wish I'd given her her bag back (with my third hand) and sat the hell down!

sunnywindysunday Fri 10-May-13 06:59:18

I am genuinely laughing so hard at all the nursery rhymes here. You people are genius

MiaowTheCat Fri 10-May-13 09:15:11

Aaah one reason I stopped going to fucking rhyme time (the other being our library being closed for 7 months of refurbishment)... I realised how pathetic the chair politics was when people were dibsing chairs for their 12 month olds (nice rug and cushions right in front of where they were sat) and leaving some very elderly granddads (or very virile older fathers in case the granddad statement causes offence) and heavily pregnant women to stand - often while holding kids on their hips (because the circle of dibsed chairs blocked access to the carpet for the kids to sit down on).

Other reason I stopped going was one very very violent 3 year old being allowed to jump off chairs to land on younger children while his insipid father flirted with all the mummies. It was getting to the point where there was GOING to be a child (either the jumper or the child-shaped landing pad) injured and it sure as fuck wasn't going to be mine.

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 12:52:29

Glad I started this thread. These rhymes are brilliant and made me grin from ear to ear.

RenterNomad Fri 10-May-13 13:21:15

Mrs Muffet Deathstare
Sat on HER chair
Wriggling her bum with some strain.

She went for a tea,
And o gracious Me!
Someone's discovered her stain!

megandraper Fri 10-May-13 13:23:32

Loving the passive-aggressive nursery rhymes. This needs to go in classics.

megandraper Fri 10-May-13 13:27:30

Blah Blah Fat Creep
Have you any Chair?
Yes Sir! Yes Sir!
Me! Me! I was first to sit there!

One (chair) for the Creep, one for the friend
One for the newbie mum who's had e-fucking-nough.

I saw a grouch
Where ?
There on that chair
Where on that chair?
Right there!
A big old grouch with a cob on
Well I declare
Going nuts over a library chair
Oh yeah!

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 10-May-13 13:32:42

another nomination for Classics! brilliant grin

I bet you never imagined this OP, from tiny rants great threads grow grin

PMTIsMe Fri 10-May-13 13:50:09

To the tune of 5 fat sausages:

1 empty chair
Sitting in the room
1 empty chair
sitting in the room
And if 1 tired mum
Should accidentally sit
There’ll be 2 arsey mums
Getting on her tit

Feeling suitably juvenile now grin

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 14:06:26

No BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM I didn't imagine this thread would go this way. Glad it did I've not laughed so much for ages grin. It would have gone differently if it had been a toddler group in the village hall and much more boring. Won't be able to take rhyme time seriously again at all. Will probably be sitting peeing myself laughing if they sing any of the original rhymes that have been altered on here. And getting confused hmm looks wink.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 10-May-13 14:28:41

if you get any other mums joining in then you'll know there's a MNer in the room!

PMT - brilliant grin

The Mumsnet Alternative Nursery Rhyme book.
G'wan Justine, you know you want to....
smile

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 18:31:53

All the chairs were empty,
I had gone to sit,
When up jumped a stupid cow,
And this is what she said,
I'm a stupid, stupid cow,
With a flippy, floppy twat,
I can shake my tits like this, I can shake my tits like that.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 10-May-13 18:38:44

all these references to floppy twats, got me doing my pelvic floor exercises good style grin

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 19:32:43

grin at *BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM].

Maybe if this woman at rhyme time is a mumsnetter her nn would be that's my chair you meany waaaaa

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 19:33:33

Ha ha my highlight went wrong used the wrong brackets.

suzanski Fri 10-May-13 19:37:08

Handmini that is superb!

HandMini.....are you from a northern town beginning with C? your songs are familiar....but then again i now have a feeling all the songs sound the same (Led Zep ref anyone?)....

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 22:15:25

I am a little nut tree,
Get off my fucking chair,
Unless you want a black eye
Fuck off over there

foslady Fri 10-May-13 22:25:33

We could write a book 'That's not my chair - it's go an arse on it......'

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 22:28:34

Second page: 'Thats not my chair, it's got a twat on it..' can you imagine the illustrations!

foslady Fri 10-May-13 22:58:45

Last page 'it's not your chair either - sod off!'

MummaBubba123 Fri 10-May-13 22:59:43

Hilarious!

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 23:07:03

'Thats not my chair, it's got a but head on it' very childish but funny grin

Kasterborous Fri 10-May-13 23:08:29

'Thats not my chair, it's got a cow on it'

grin at foslady

TimrousBeastie Fri 10-May-13 23:19:53

You get chairs for rhyme time??? when DS was wee, the rhyme time we went to just had little rugs envy

RenterNomad Sat 11-May-13 07:45:54

THAT'S your chair; it's got a bogey on it!

Kasterborous Sat 11-May-13 10:24:06

TimrousBeastie if it was just rugs I would have probably been told, 'Thats my bit of rug, can you not see my buttock imprints'. grin

idonthaveone Sat 11-May-13 10:35:15

The mummies on the bus go shift that arse
shift that arse
shift that arse

the mummies on the bus go shift that arse right off that seat grin

Kasterborous Sat 11-May-13 12:55:21

The mummies on the bus go piss off please,
Piss off please,
Piss off please,
The mummies on the bus go piss off please, or bloody else.

Kasterborous Sat 11-May-13 14:46:54

Oh the grand old woman of rhyme time,
She had ten thousand chairs,
She marched up

Kasterborous Sat 11-May-13 14:51:14

Posted too soon.

Oh the grand old woman of rhyme time,
She had ten thousand chairs,
She marched up to a woman,
And said don't you dare sit there,
And don't you sit there,
And stand up again,
And now you are halfway up,
Don't sit down again.

HandMini Sat 11-May-13 15:21:10

Nope, London. Foul-mouthed nursery rhyme mummies everywhere it would seem!

That's your chair. I spat on it!

Kasterborous Sun 12-May-13 14:43:01

That's why my chair was wet! grin

Kasterborous Sun 12-May-13 14:43:44

I should have spat on hers wink

Mynewmoniker Mon 13-May-13 00:05:14

Ring-o-ring-o chaaaaaaaairs
Who knows which is theirs
I'll hit you, I'll hit you
If you dare to sit down...on mine!

Kasterborous Tue 14-May-13 23:12:19

grin at Mynewmonicker looking forwards to rude rhyme time this week!

neunundneunzigluftballons Tue 14-May-13 23:36:04

There was an old woman who had sat on a chair
who had so many reasons for not being there
When she returned and saw her chair was gone
She over reacted with passive aggressive scorn
if it happens again you may need to allude
To the classic mums net question did you mean to be so rude

Kasterborous Tue 14-May-13 23:38:45

Love the last line the classic mumsnet question indeed grin

KatoPotato Tue 14-May-13 23:52:46

Nu uh went the silly chair mum one day

Nu uh went the silly chair mum

Oh whoops said the sorry normal mum that day

But the bitch went 'no no no!'

We know that's not a big deal at all
No big deal at all
No big deal at all x 2

You shouldn't get your knickers in a twist!

RenterNomad Wed 15-May-13 13:04:31

Kaster, Kaster set down her bot
Stole another's fav'rite spot

When that mummy'd had her say
Kasterborous slunk away...

You can do better!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Wed 15-May-13 13:27:47

Kasterborus sat on a chair
Kasterborus received a death stare

...um...

The evil twat mummy and the evil twat friend
Couldn't make Kasterborus feel welcome there

SoleSource Wed 15-May-13 15:51:23

Put electrified barbed wire onher chair next week

I would have caused a scene

Got something.you want to say, to.me???

TryDrawing Wed 15-May-13 16:05:53

Hickory Dickory Dair
Kasterborous sat on the chair
The Clock struck One
The grown woman said OI THAT'S MY CHAIR
Hickory Dickory Dair
Tick Tock.
Tick Tock.
Fuck Off.

Kasterborous Wed 15-May-13 17:26:36

I like the idea of electric barbed wire! Might try that tomorrow!

terry. My ds went to that rhyme time, the one in Surrey, with his granny last week.

I met a petty mother
her name was by the by
I sat down in her chair to see if she would cry.
She threw a mighty tantrum
a grown up hissy fit
and now she's sitting scowling
but I don't give a shit
fuck
fuck
fuck
you.

Kasterborous Thu 16-May-13 12:06:19

Well I went again today and it was most disappointing! No one gave a stuff about who sat where and there was just general niceness. We did sing twinkle twinkle little star and the grand old duke of york so no other rude versions! The get of my chair women weren't there this week. Maybe they are on mumsnet!

RenterNomad Thu 16-May-13 14:26:13

Booo!

boatclub Thu 16-May-13 14:38:10

We didn't have chairs last rhyme time but there was always a rammy for the best instruments

Stroppy lady had a chair ee ii ee ii oh
And on that chair she had a book ee ii ee ii oo.
With a huff puff here, and a huff puff there, here a huff there a huff, everywhere a huff, huff,
Stroppy lady had a chair, ee ii ee ii oh

SoleSource Thu 16-May-13 21:09:14

Oooh maybe she has other chairs to stalk

Mynewmoniker Thu 16-May-13 22:54:26

I bet she was stuck in the car park arguing over a parking space grin

SoleSource Thu 16-May-13 23:04:50

Spread super glue on chair, offer her chair

PlatoonBuffoon Fri 17-May-13 19:53:54

I was reading this thread the other night with much amusement.

Imagine my surprise when my 4 year old DS started singing 'cunty cunty sat on the wall' today.

I am wondering whether his CM took him to your Rhyme Time group today OP

<hard stare>

SoleSource Fri 17-May-13 20:07:19

Platoon LMAO!!!!

PlatoonBuffoon Fri 17-May-13 20:11:36

It did actually get worse solesource. He later progressed to 'gunty gunty'.

foslady Fri 17-May-13 21:49:03

Hickory dickory dock
The chair woman threw a strop
She said 'That's my chair
You can't sit there'
Then buggered off the next week to the shops.....

AlpacaPicnic Fri 17-May-13 21:52:15

You lot of vipers are going to get me in trouble...

I was leading rhyme time this week and kept thinking of this thread.

I have never worked so hard to try and keep a straight face... everyone thought I was terribly jolly

grin

CouthyMow Fri 17-May-13 22:18:02

"Row, row, row yer arse
Right down off me chair."
"Hang on, hang on, hang on,
I can't see yer name on there"

The ladies in the group all got in a huff, got in a huff, got in a huff.
The ladies in the group all got in a huff,
For a chair.

Kasterborous Sat 18-May-13 13:07:04

Wasn't the same rhyme time PlatoonBuffoon we never sing Humpty Dumpty cunty cunty smile

grin at AlpacaPicnic I can just imagine the alternate versions going through your head and accidentally singing the wrong one!

rabbitlady Sat 18-May-13 13:14:56

remember the thick kids when you were at school? when they grow up, they don't change.

Kasterborous Fri 07-Jun-13 21:31:31

See the silly woman
Sitting in my chair
Shall I try to shift her
Without a single care
She's so strong
Is she wrong
Shift out my chair
I was sitting there and
Hop, hop, hop, hop off.

Loopylala7 Fri 07-Jun-13 21:35:55

Haha! loving this thread, the rhymes are fab!

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac Fri 07-Jun-13 21:50:55

Mary had a little chair
To sit her fat arse on
And everytime she moved away
She primed it with a bomb.

Ugh, I don't miss the Mummy Quiches from maternity leave.

That's not my chair... Its completely empty but surrounded by mums who deathstare anyone who walks in the room and look like they're thinking about doing something ordinary like sitting in an empty chair

Think my career as a children's author isn't on the horizon any time soon wink

Kasterborous Fri 07-Jun-13 22:07:51

Pmsl at ThePathanKhansAmnesiac especially at the 'primed it with a bomb'!

chocolatebuttiiins Fri 07-Jun-13 22:21:13

Hand mini I want you in my life

Gave me a much needed laugh

trackies Fri 07-Jun-13 22:55:26

Twinkle twinkle little chair
How i would like to sit on there
But evil mummy's are giving me the glare
They are not going to let me sit on that chair
Twinkle twinkle little chair
I'll have to go and sit elsewhere

Kasterborous Thu 20-Jun-13 21:26:01

We went again today after not going for a couple of weeks and those women were there again saving seats for each other and giving the evil eye to anyone else who dared to go near them. Most of the nice ones weren't there today.

I'm saving this chair, I'm saving this chair,
Don't sit there,
With a shove off here and a shove off there,
Here a shove, there a shove,
Everywhere a shove, shove,
Old sourpuss saved a chair ei, ei, o.

Geekster Fri 26-Jul-13 22:01:06

I am a little nutter,
I am saving this chair
Butt your arse out of it,
Or I'll pull out your hair

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