...to be fed up of being told how awful having a newborn is going to be?

(132 Posts)
Quilty Thu 09-May-13 15:31:49

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and no one seems to have a good thing to say about the first few weeks of having a baby hmm

Yes I know I'll be tired and no doubt stressed and over emotional at times but there must be enjoyable times to be had with a newborn? Why does everyone seem to want to tell me what a shit time I'm going to have?

CocacolaMum Thu 09-May-13 15:34:23

It is so fleeting but those hours spent cradling a teeny baby while they snooze are precious. Also, they don't whine about cbeebies at that age which is a bonus AND you can make visitors do your housework hehe

LuisGarcia Thu 09-May-13 15:35:43

It's going to be awesome. People will bring you dinner and champagne. You will burst with love and pride. You will remember every silly song and dance from your childhood. Enjoy every minute.

candycrushhater Thu 09-May-13 15:36:20

I agree with cocacolaMum. I loved that time too grin

I've often told friends that I would love it if a baby would stay 4 weeks old forever. All those cuddles and snuggling and baby smell....

ballinacup Thu 09-May-13 15:36:24

Look at it this way Quilty, IF it's shit, you'll have been well prepared, and won't have any high expectations.

IF it's great and you breeze through it, you can think smugly about how wrong they were.

FWIW I had the opposite; I was told how wonderful and amazing it was going to be and it was hell on earth. To have that bubble popped was awful, and I wish a few people had been more honest rather than looking back with rose tinted glasses.

KatoPotato Thu 09-May-13 15:36:41

Tbf, I heard no negative things about the early days and I remember feeling a complete failure most of the time until I finally received an email from my colleague who said 'this will pass, and it's a bit shite and I struggled' (or something to that effect!)

I instantly felt better.

KatoPotato Thu 09-May-13 15:37:05

x post ballinacup!

MrsBungle Thu 09-May-13 15:37:24

Yanbu. Not everyone finds it horrendous. I absolutely loved that time with both of mine. I was relaxed, happy and content. I love tiny babies! Good luck!

FrogInABog Thu 09-May-13 15:37:39

It's such as amazing time, you will love it. I think people try to prepare first time mums for it being hard incase you have 'Rosey' expectations, yes you will be exhausted, but you won't care smile

Newyearoldmum Thu 09-May-13 15:38:17

It's tough true but holding that little bundle of snuggliness - there's nothing like it and its gone so quickly. I still feel like I only brought dd home yesterday but we're currently thinking about what to do on her 2nd birthday in 4 months!! I'm a bit jealous that you're going to get a shiny new baby soon. grin

I'm sat here with a 9 day old DD, she is my 3rd dc, it is hard work, I'm tired, my breasts hurt and my other children still need attention --how dare they--wink

Then I get the little satisfied look on her face after feeds, sleepy smiles (obviously wind but who cares they are the best) snuffling about when she is hungry, the very un lady like noises from her little bottom, how she holds my hand when we are feeding, how I can stare at her face and never get bored and so many other lovely things that far far outweigh the hard work.

Enjoy your baby! thanks

seeker Thu 09-May-13 15:38:22

I adored the newborn weeks. I wasso happy, and the babies were so glorious and smelled so wonderful and everyone kept telling me how clever I was. It was wonderful!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 09-May-13 15:38:22

People like to project. Yes, there are difficult days but there are many, many moments that outweighs tiredness and so on. A lot of conflicting feelings emerge, I believe, not because you have a newborn, but rather because your old life suddenly seems so distant.

FWIW, I find DD (19 months) loads trickier than a newborn. And currently I'm PG with DC2, so it can't have been that bad or I wouldn't be doing it again!

You are going to be a great mum and there is lots of great advice on here. Avoid the crazies who want to rain on your parade, they're probably just jealous.

TheScreamingfrog Thu 09-May-13 15:38:38

Cuddles, sandwiches, tea and daytime telly. All good from what I remember!

Booyhoo Thu 09-May-13 15:38:47

oh i loved those first few snuggly weeks before life got back to normal and i was expected to 'do stuff' again grin

i loved bedtime cuddles and sofa cuddes and leisurely walks with my pram and the moses basket and the tiny clothes and little noises they make in their sleep and the faces they pull too. tired? yes, stressed and emotional at times? yes but overall the first few weeks were not the hard ones. they were quite lovely. especially at this time of year when the weather will hopefully be good for you to get out and about when you are ready smile

EasilyBored Thu 09-May-13 15:38:54

It's incredibly hard, but at the same time it's just so lovely. Even when you are knackered beyond what you thought possible, you still find yourself just gazing and stroking and cuddling your newborn. It's like a kind of blissful exhaustion. It will be both very hard and kind of awful at moments, but also brilliant and joyful and just lovely. Well, it was for me. I found months 3-9 the hardest (and kind of dullest) to be honest. But the newborn softness of their little heads and the tiny squeaks and grunts and little clenched fists and froggy legs and skinny little chicken thighs...

That giant clanging noise was my ovaries by the way.

BabsAndTheRu Thu 09-May-13 15:39:32

Loved that time as well, god they are gorgeous then all snugly and cosy. Loved BF on the couch watching a movie, relaxed pure bliss. It's over so quick. Yeah you have to get up in the night but it doesn't last long and once you get the hang of it its great fun. Wishing you all the best and enjoy.

squidgeberry Thu 09-May-13 15:39:37

My favourite part was being pinned to the sofa while breastfeeding/napping baby on lap and watching the entire 5 seasons of Mad Men back to back while eating cake.

Not going to get away with that so much with dc2 as dd1 is 3, so will have back to back cbeebies instead

space21 Thu 09-May-13 15:40:38

I have a 5 week old and a 2 year old. The baby is a breeze!
Ignore them all. Yes you will be tired but all those snuggles and snoozes with a newborn are just lovely. They sleep ALOT and nappies are so easy and quick. Yes you will cry at everything for no reason - just give in to it and then have another cuddle ;) enjoy

Primrose123 Thu 09-May-13 15:40:54

It's not awful having a newborn, it's wonderful, just very very tiring. I had a difficult birth, and was not prepared for how bad I felt physically. My baby was hard work but lovely, but I thought I would take a few days to get over the birth. Maybe some people do recover that quickly if the birth is straightforward, but I felt like I had flu for at least a month, really tired and achy, no appetite, grumpy and tearful at times (even more than normal!) Just rest as much as possible, and take all the help that people offer. As long as you have a supportive partner and/or family there is no need for it to be awful.

Booyhoo Thu 09-May-13 15:41:09

oh god i shouldn't have opened thsi thread. so broody now! i want one!! grin

SquirrelNuts Thu 09-May-13 15:41:13

I don't think a newborn is awful at all, that's when they're easiest in my opinion, all they do is eat sleep and poop. Newborns are lovely, im jealous!

thebody Thu 09-May-13 15:41:47

It will be what it is op.

it could be wonderful or it could be very very hard.

However it is, this baby will grow to be a person who you will worship forever.

Who you would die to defend and who you will share laughs, tears, good and bad times.

They are tiny for a nanosecond.

eekazombie Thu 09-May-13 15:42:21

I'm eyeballing my 6 month old who has fought me all day today. Doesn't want to eat, sleep, play, be held. Constant whining. Is now laying on the floor making his whinge noise and I've had enough.

I miss when he was 2 weeks old and I spent all day drinking tea, watching Downton abbey, giving him cuddles and sniffing his head.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse Thu 09-May-13 15:43:28

To be honest, I found it absolutely awful and I wish someone had told me that I was not going to bond immediately with my baby, that my hormones would be all over the place, that I would find BFing nigh on impossible and that I would hurt like hell! However, it would seem that most people DON'T feel like that, so there's no reason to think that you will - and I ADORED it the second time round!

I think it's good to be warned that it might be horrid, so that if you do struggle you won't think you're "weird" or put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone is different. I found that the fog lifted the day my baby first smiled at me at 6 weeks. Be really really kind to yourself, have no expectations, then it will be a breeze! Like *Ballinacup", I wish someone had warned me that it might not all be wonderful, but rest assured the difficult bits do pass!

I loved it.

EasilyBored Thu 09-May-13 15:46:07

Be prepared for how you might feel physically though - I had a rough (ish) birth and lost quite a bit of blood and for weeks afterwards I found even walking up the stairs exhausting and needed to sit down (though the sitting was a different issue). First babies are lovely because you can just slob around. I watched 6 series of Greys Anatomy while eating cake/grapes/anything I could do one handed while sat on the sofa BFing. I don't get to sit down for 5 minutes these days with toddler DS. I miss that! And the head sniffing and cuddles and OH GOD I WANT ANOTHER BABY! (Only slightly joking, not having another)

HeffalumpTheFlump Thu 09-May-13 15:46:08

I talked to my mum about this today as it was really starting to stress me out. Im 17 weeks and all iv heard so far is all the things I'm going to miss, struggle with or downright hate. No one seems to tell you about the good bits and I can't understand why. My mum gave me a more balanced view and said that it is difficult to adjust to but amazing. She also said that the worst thing i could do is to have far too high standards in the first few months. So what if I stay in my pjs all day? I'm going to try and focus on enjoying the enjoyable bits rather than focusing on the difficulties or being too hard on myself for not being perfect.

SuffolkNWhat Thu 09-May-13 15:47:11

Oh man I cannot wait for the newborn stage again!

You can sleep! Yes really, you know how now you just get comfy in bed and then you need to pee, so have to get up, go pee, come back but now the bed isn't comfy anymore so you spend half an hour rearranging pillows (including the fleeting temptation to put one over your snoring partner's face). Finally get comfortable again, when you realise it's now too hot (no matter what time of year) so heave yourself up to open the window/turn on the fan. Get back into bed. Cramp starts, spend a painful few minutes pulling your foot back to stop it and then the heartburn kicks in, so you give up and go downstairs to watch some more shit on Netflix because you know you'll need to pee again in 5 minutes?

Well with a newborn you don't get that, you sleep, like properly sleep, yeah ok they need feeding in the night etc but once that is done, boom the moment your head hits the pillow you sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

ENormaSnob Thu 09-May-13 15:49:11

Dc4 is 4 weeks old now and I find it a lovely time.

Quilty Thu 09-May-13 15:50:37

Thank you all, really cheered me up!

I wouldn't want to be completely unaware of the exhaustion, sore boobs etc but it would be nice if some people could be more positive! Only a couple more weeks of work to go, hooray!

birdbrain17 Thu 09-May-13 15:51:30

quilty I'm sitting cuddling my 3 week old dd. Yes I'm exhausted and most evening there's some tears when she won't settle at bedtime, but who cares, I love her to bits, she was totally worth every min of pregnancy and every labour pain. Newborns are hard work but gorgeous!!!!! Enjoy your lo when it arrives they grow up quickly!

Tailtwister Thu 09-May-13 15:54:10

Well I found it to be an amazing time, especially with my first baby. From the minute he was born I felt completely content and just at peace. I just held him constantly (DH had to prise him off me for a cuddle when he came home from work!) and stared at him. Thankfully DH was very good at leaving food out for me otherwise I'd never have eaten anything.

So no, I don't agree having a newborn is awful. It's definitely challenging and some babies are harder work than others, but there's certainly the potential for some amazing moments.

Omnishambolic Thu 09-May-13 15:54:27

The theme tune to the (American version) of The Office INSTANTLY takes me back to marathon boxset sessions with DH whilst DD was asleep in her carrycot behind the sofa, I find myself wanting to peek to check if she's breathing (would be majorly freaked out to find her lying there now at 5.6, mind you - "GO BACK TO BED!")

Some people are not very helpful. It's like telling people birth stories when they're pregnant - it's too late to do anything about it, so why frighten them? Take it a day at a time, take lots of photos and video, and have lots of cuddles. And sniff that lovely smell before it goes.

The newborn stage is lovely smile Everyone is so happy and congratulates you at every opportunity and you get to put your feet up and eat cake until it's coming out of your ears and receive a million cards and bunches of flowers and open loads of presents which people have bought you the baby.

I did really enjoy that stage, I have very fond memories smile

Then all hell broke loose when each baby was about a month old and only improved once they could walk grin ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!!!! grinwink

NoKandoo Thu 09-May-13 15:58:25

First time with a newborn was unspeakably awful, and was awful for a long time afterwards (not least because it was such a hellish birth). I was in dreadful physical pain, anxious, depressed, couldn't breastfeed, didn't bond easiy, and felt like the crappest mother ever. Second time (medically advised c-section), I was in a completely blissed out bubble of love. There is no way of knowing what it's going to be like for you; I can see why you're annoyed if everyone is being negative, as it might be brilliant for you. I hope so!

Jengnr Thu 09-May-13 15:58:41

I can't remember the newborn stage as a stage. It's just a blur of wonderfulness and madness all in one. We had an early unexpected birth a week after my FIL had heart surgery and four days before Christmas. It was a touch mental.

I remember tons of chocolate, not sleeping (the baby did, it was just me) and wandering round in this dazed dreamworld. A smiley dreamworld.

I took him out in his pram on Christmas Day for the first time and it was the best thing EVER. I felt so proud pushing him and strangers kept talking to me about him and I was so happy they were. It was fabulous!!

AmberSocks Thu 09-May-13 15:59:27

have to say its the easiest and loveliest part for me!you will be knackered for at least the first few weeks but it really is lovely and so special.

abigboydidit Thu 09-May-13 15:59:46

Yes and no. With DC1 I went into it with my eyes open, having seen close friends with newborns. If I hadn't seen the relentless crying/feeding first hand I think I would have been quite upset when DS arrived. However, when DC2 was on the way I kept hearing about the horrors of 2 under 2 and was terrified. I was basically told to wipe out the first 6 months as they would be a living hell..

3 months in and we've had our moments but I would say the highs outweigh the lows.

Good luck OP you'll need it wink

Jembop Thu 09-May-13 15:59:52

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

sort of.

I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, but a lovely happy truck I was glad to be hit by.

I think people tell you all the worst bits to 'prepare' you for the fact that it isn't all lovely newborn cuddles, putting your feet up and being the centre of attention. (That bit is lovely, it just isn't the whole picture! smile

My sil didn't get any of those warnings because I am not that mean and genuinely thought she'd be walking out of hospital the next day in size 10 jeans, baby would bf with no issues, be sleeping through the night after a week and she would have an endless stream of visitors while she sat looking serene and beautiful with a baby that never cried.

Inevitably, when things didn't go like that she got horrendous baby blues, was convinced she had 'failed' in some way snd spent the first month in tears. I wish I had spent some time explaining the downsides, and that when someone else has a baby you usually only see the good bits!

Maybe in a very cack handed way they're trying to be helpful op?

*Disclaimer - the bad bits only make up about 20% of the whole...the rest is the most wonderful experience in life! smile

slightlysoupstained Thu 09-May-13 16:03:19

Heffalump's mum is right, the worst thing you could do is put pressure on yourself by having too high standards in the first few months. Take the negative stuff people say and just tell yourself "they're just saying this because they want me to take it easy and not overload myself".

And then think about the next little wriggle you feel, and when you'll get to see your baby doing that move outside and you'll finally be able to tell whether that lump was a bum, elbow, knee... smile

Jengnr Thu 09-May-13 16:03:57

Don't let the midwives and health visitors upset you though.

I was delighted when my boy weed all over one who was being a bitch smile

Thurlow Thu 09-May-13 16:06:15

People tell you because they want to try and prevent you being floored by something they found hard. I do think it would be awful to go in to those first few months thinking that absolutely everyone bonds straight away, copes on little sleep, doesn't eat 5 Mars Bars a day, breastfeeds easily, doesn't get stressed at colicky crying, and then when that happens to you feeling like the worst person in the world and an utter failure... But yes, it can seem annoying.

I think as long as you accept you might live on toast and 8 times reheated bolognese, and that you'll sleep when you sleep, nothing beats having that tiny scrunchy newborn sleeping on you. I watched so much TV and read so many books in those first few months it was frankly ridiculous.

chickabilla Thu 09-May-13 16:06:18

It's incredibly hard if you have a non sleeping, constantly eating one like the one chaining me to the sofa right now butincredibly amazing and lovely too.

And just when you think you can't cope with the exhaustion anymore, they learn to smile smile

YANBU, love and cherish every second of it.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Thu 09-May-13 16:14:10

...and then when you have the baby, other mothers will constantly say 'Just you wait until blah blah blah..'

Seriously. It's amazing, yes. Newborn snuggles. The feeling that you've made a miracle grin Finally feeling like you've fulfilled your purpose in life!

BUT it is hell also. Sleep deprivation is awful. If you're lucky, it will go on for only 7 weeks (mumsnet on your mobile is your saviour at 3am in the morning)

If you're unlucky, you'll still have had no sleep 6 months in (like my friend)

I would say, just go with the flow. Personally, I'm finding my 6month old a breeze compared to her as a newborn, she smiles, she giggles and we have a real connection. Back as a newborn, she was a tiny thing that stole my sleep grin

PastaBeeandCheese Thu 09-May-13 16:16:05

I loved it too. I hated people telling me I would sit in my pyjamas for weeks just looking at the baby not knowing what to do. I was up, showered and dressed and out every morning right from the start because that is what suited me and DD.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 09-May-13 16:17:43

having a new born is lovely smile, yes I was sleep deprived and chained to the sofa bf for a long time, yes there were moments of anxiety but you have this marvellous, beautiful little bundle of joy. There is nothing like it, it's wonderful! I'm waiting for my DC2 to arrive, due NOW and I can't wait!

NoWayPedro Thu 09-May-13 16:17:50

I loved that stage and think its easier than my now 9 mo. Everyone thinks you're amazing for having produced a baby; everyone will say how gorgeous your baby is and you'll be stopped in the street; loads of people to chat to; meals and drinks on demand; loads of help etc. LAP IT UP - ITS AWESOME grin

(I was lucky with an easy baby and no feeding issues so there are good stories out there too. You hear the worst as people get accused of smugness otherwise and to prepare you it can be like that.)

Then everyone assumes you know what you're doing at about 6 mo (still no idea); they start sleeping in the day a lot less (you have to start providing proper entertainment); you can't go to the new parents groups any more as you need to graduate to the other baby groups and you get less help generally as everyone assumes you have a routine confused

Still good though smile

I loved it too, they are easy at that age IMO! glares at DD (nearly 2, wiping yoghurt on the telly smile

Squitten Thu 09-May-13 16:24:42

The truth is you just don't know what's going to happen until it does!

I did have a rough time with my eldest - it all started going wrong the first night and just got worse! My second, on the other hand, was an absolute pleasure.

I'm really looking forward to doing the newborn thing again this time. This may, of course, be because I now know the horror that is toddlers... wink

Dorris83 Thu 09-May-13 16:25:24

Don't listen to the 'pooh poohers'. I am typing this one handed as I breastfeed my three week old DS, I literally couldn't be happier. It's the BEST. Stock up on cake.

TigerSwallowTail Thu 09-May-13 16:25:45

Having a newborn is great, all they really want is to be clean, dry and fed. They sleep most of the time and best thing of all - they're stationary grin

I'll have a newborn again in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.

MTBMummy Thu 09-May-13 16:26:53

It's hard - but it's the best time, they're quiet, sleep loads, and their world is literally you.

SO excited about doing it again (only 36 weeks to go smile )

arcticwaffle Thu 09-May-13 16:29:13

I loved having newborns. I found it much easier than pregnancy or childbirth. I was expecting it to be grim and then it was mostly pleasant.

But it's hard to tell in advance if your baby will be calm/shrieking/sleepy/never sleeping etc.
And everyone hates you if you have a good sleeper and people don't also believe you if your baby sleeps well, that's partly why people only hear or remember the bad stories. 2 of mine were fantastic sleepers from birth but you're not very popular if you go on about that among the sleep-deprived people.

VenusRising Thu 09-May-13 16:29:29

Good luck! It's one of those life changing things: no one can predict how you'll feel about it either.

What I found helped me was to get all my ducks in a line: have a number for a physio who specialises in post natal care in case you need one
Ditto a lactation consultant just in case you need one

Arrange your shopping online.

Ime Having a new baby and how you feel about it really depends on the kind of delivery you had, and how well you can sleep afterwards.

If you're in pain, or have had a long and medicalised labour you may find that the first few days are really miserable. You may change the way you sleep and not feel rested: I know I became a very light sleeper, and that was a big surprise to me. My brain went into overdrive to listen out for sounds from the baby, and I only dozed, never getting restful rem sleep.

If you have an uncomplicated vag birth, the endorphins may buoy you up for weeks. If you have a crash section, you may be too freaked out/ exhausted to enjoy the birth, and not get the rush.

Breast feeding, rather surprisingly, doesn't come easily to everyone, babies included, so it can be very uncomfortable, especially if you get mastitis. The girls here are brilliant for advice though. And a lactation consultant can solve a problem latch which may have eluded you.

Just be kind to yourself and your partner if you're not feeling the love.

Fwiw it's not obligatory you fall in love with our baby immediately: sometimes being exhausted/ on morphine/mastitis can do that!

Don't forget to take lots of photos, and to rest.

Tbh, I think babies are lovely, but toddlers are amazing, preschoolers and wonderful and kids are fantastic: the teen years await us, so am reserving judgement grin

It's all good, just in different ways.

Hope it all goes well! Some good advice from previous posters- don't overload yourself is brilliant advice, I had a friend who practically went out to show off her baby before the placenta was born, and she crashed from exhaustion a few weeks later.

Take it easy and keep us posted on how you get on.

Thurlow Thu 09-May-13 16:34:31

Arctic is right, people don't go on about certain good things as anyone who is struggling with those things - sleep in particular - thinks you are just being a smug wanker and rubbing their nose in it. I had a ridiculously easy baby who ate well and slept well. I actually used to play up the bits I struggled with (daytime naps) in order to not look smug blush

I don't find newborns hard at all - the first 6 weeks are brilliant!

They sleep they feed they puke and they cuddle it is lovely smile knowing this is one of the things keeping me from hating being pregnant again.

TattyDevine Thu 09-May-13 16:38:11

I actually didn't find it bad at all.

It would be unhelpful to say "mine was so good and slept better than I imagined and indeed better than some of my friends", but this was true and random luck of the draw and there is no reason why it wont happen to you, but if it doesn't, its not your fault.

And looking back having one newborn and nothing else to look out for seems incredibly easy but then its not that toddlerhood is that hard...it can be hard being heavily pregnant and with toddler, etc but 2nd time round it does seem easier and the baby is entertained by the toddler.

But at times that can seem hard, so you blink, and they are both at school and that's even easier!

Honestly they practically raise themselves!

Chill, smile, nod, etc.

Dogsmom Thu 09-May-13 16:38:22

I've slept better in the 9 weeks since my daughter was born than I did during pregnancy, yes there's a night feed to do but no more hip pain or million trips to the loo.

TattyDevine Thu 09-May-13 16:38:39

(Its not soooo easy that I want a 3rd though but that's another thread)

valiumredhead Thu 09-May-13 16:40:45

What ballinacup said -I wish I had been a bit more prepared for how shit it was going to be!

valiumredhead Thu 09-May-13 16:41:29

It's all good, just in different ways

YY, this^ smile

CoolStoryBro Thu 09-May-13 16:43:16

There is a video of me holding and playing with ds1 when he was 3 weeks old. That was 16 years ago and i still like to watch it occassionally. It was one of the happiest times in my life, and you can tell. I loved all 4 of the newborn stages, even for dc4 when dC3 was only 12 months and DC 2 was only 2!!

CoolStoryBro Thu 09-May-13 16:44:38

I did find it tougher around 6 months though. The shine had worn off by then!! wink

Thurlow Thu 09-May-13 16:47:42

Newborns get milk drunk.

I would seriously consider the entire best forgotten pregnancy and birth just to have a milk drunk baby again.

Milk drunkeness is the best thing in the world.

rainbowslollipops Thu 09-May-13 17:12:11

Obviously you'll.be tired etc but you get to finally meet your baby! You get to know your baby, your baby gets to know you! You get to cuddle your baby when others desperately want to! You get to put him/her in cute outfits. They have a smell about them as well i can't quite put my finger on it but its such a nice smell.

Forget the grumps! When my friend was pregnant I was more excited than her. Even worse after baby was born. I kept popping in on my way to and from work for a quick cuddle blush

MyShoofly Thu 09-May-13 17:23:58

Aww its not awful. It can maybe be a bit of a shock but definately NOT awful. People are just razzing you - baby cuddles are one of the best things in the whole entire universe. Second possibly only to toddler hugs and kisses smile

Congratulations OP

MyShoofly Thu 09-May-13 17:25:24

It's all good, just in different ways

oh yes this ^^ definately!!

Stinkyminkymoo Thu 09-May-13 17:33:16

Bah, they are idiots! I loved having a newborn! They're so tiny and snuggley and gorgeous.

Yes you'll be tired but you'll have a beautiful little baby.

My dd is nearly 9 mo and I adore her but I do miss the newborn stage though! Lucky you!

Booyhoo Thu 09-May-13 18:17:47

btw OP

and i know everyone will have said this to you but it really makes sucha difference so i'm going to shout


i know you will think oh i can just do the floors while he's sleeping or you could just strip the beds etc. i did it too but really really really you will be far better placed to cope with colic or teething or anything really if you have had as much sleep as possible.

if you do have a difficult birth/baby etc you will be stressed out enough without adding chronic exhaustion to the mix so really do take all offers of babysitting or cleaning and get that rest.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Thu 09-May-13 18:21:14

No one told us anything negative. So 3 days in we were thinking "what in hells name have we done". Second time around however, I enjoyed it a lot more.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 09-May-13 18:22:14

Of course having a newborn is lovely, when they're all scrunched and snuggle into you.

All stages are great. I loved having a newborn but I love having a 15 month old (who is currently emptying my cupboards).

MrsLouisTheroux2 Thu 09-May-13 18:25:05

I LOVED the newborn time, loved every minute of having a baby! Yes they cry, wake in the night, sick, poo etc but it was one of the best times of my life!
Ignore the misery-mongers.

everlong Thu 09-May-13 18:26:24

It's my favourite time in the whole world ( did it 5 times grin )
Yes you're tired, yes you're sore, yes you're emotional.

But you have this gorgeous brand new baby, with tiny pink feet and lovely soft skin, they make little snuffling noises and lie on your chest.

You will 100% love it smile envy

MrsLouisTheroux2 Thu 09-May-13 18:28:21

Ah, the snuffling! smile They're so snuggly and gorgeous!

diddl Thu 09-May-13 18:30:17

Oh I loved it too.

I mostly slept when they did.

You could put them in moses basket & if you went out of the room-they were still there when you came back!grin

maddening Thu 09-May-13 18:41:32

We had a hard time sleep wise but it was fun with dfiance on paternity leave and getting to know ds and what to do. Once dfiance was back at work I cosied on the sofa with ds (feb so cold to go out (plus physically hard) ) just bfing and watching trashy tv and having people over for visits was nice too.

The thing is - I want to do it again so it can't be that bad.

maddening Thu 09-May-13 18:43:23

Oh and I did nooooo housework smile dfiance took it all on for a while - I did bits but that was it. My job was ds, bfing and eating and bathing.

anonpost Thu 09-May-13 18:43:34

Ahhh, the newborn stage is the best. My dd was early and had to spend 2 weeks in special care. When she came home it was bliss. I had everyone telling me it was sleepless nights blah blah but I slept better than when I was pregnant.

Enjoy, it goes so quick.

rocketupbum Thu 09-May-13 18:44:05

I think this passing on of horror stories is so wierd. I am currently pregnant as a surrogate for some friends and people are really scaring the shit out of them with stories of no sleep/reflux/puking etc!
I know it is good to be realistic about the fact it is not all rose tinted but actually it is a pretty exciting thing for them having a child and they will be bloody good parents and will cope fine with most things.
I didn't love love love the baby bit but actually it is fairly short and they are so perfect and little and fabulous it does totally make up for lack of sleep or puke covered clothes.
Try to enjoy it and accept that not everybody loves every single minute of everyday.

yousankmybattleship Thu 09-May-13 18:49:40

Having a newborn is easy - its all the rest of parenting that is hard!

StephaniePowers Thu 09-May-13 18:51:50

Oh for goodness sake
Do you think people tell you it's hard because they want to piss you off?
They tell you it's hard because they are scarred - because they refused to listen and had unrealistic expectations.
(Disclaimer: some people have babies who are a breeze, and a high tolerance for being sleep-deprived. IGNORE.)

Beamae Thu 09-May-13 18:56:28

I wish that someone had told me that it was awful. All I heard was how you feel this rush of love for the baby, how it's like a second honeymoon with your husband where you are so in love, how it's such a wonderful time and to enjoy it because it gets harder and harder but the first weeks are the easiest. I had none of that. It was hideous. And it made it so much harder for me because I had it in my head that it was the easy bit! I wish I had someone tell me it sucked but in real life not a lot of people admit that because they think it makes them look bad.

MrsLouisTheroux2 Thu 09-May-13 18:58:29

Stephanie ? Either 'scarred because of unrealistic expectations' or have a 'high tolerance'? How about happy to take the rough with the smooth, don't panic, be kind to themselves and enjoy it?

BonaDea Thu 09-May-13 18:59:44

I wish someone had told me how hard it is. Seriously. It is hell.

Of course it is lovely in its way - becoming a mother, meeting your LO at last, getting to know him or her, the outpouring of love from friends and family. But it is so damn hard. Sorry.

No I don't think it's that Beamae some people honestly do have all that. And as someone else said, they are less likely to say it,because others think them smug. But it does happen.
And then sometimes it just doesn't, like you say, and it's a nightmare, honestly think it's luck of the draw, nothing to do with parenting at that stage.

GirlOutNumbered Thu 09-May-13 19:02:37

It's brilliant, loads of people come round bring food, drink, pressies! You can nap all day and watch Crap on TV whilst people run around and do things for you! !

Shutupanddrive Thu 09-May-13 19:03:15

I would quite happily love them to be a newborn for ever, it's the best part in my opinion. They only wake up to have a feed then back to sleep again. It's such a special time, I can't understand anyone that says otherwise. Don't listen to them

zzzzz Thu 09-May-13 19:04:22

I loved it, magical times. I hated giving birth though!

Machli Thu 09-May-13 19:06:06

It's not awful, it's perfect, was for me anyway. Totally loved up and snugly. Got harder at about three months but you roll with it.

Laquitar Thu 09-May-13 19:15:19

Another one who enjoyed it OP.

Some people do the same with marriages or anything else i.e. oh you only have sex in the first year,no one has passion after that, or oh you will have awful holidays in Italy, its too hot, or you cannot fly with a baby etc. My aunt said when i was doing my degree 'you will put on 10 kilos, i was double size when i was studying' grin

Good Luck with your birth!

sherazade Thu 09-May-13 19:16:36

I expected: natural delivery like they teach you in birth classes to do deep breathing bounce on a birthing ball and baby comes out

I got: breech baby, c section. No closure from birth. I was Scared and confused, the midwives chucked my birth plan away.

I expected: babies latch on and feed instantly, thats the natural way isnt it? how hard can it be?

I got: nipples chopped into quarters and massive breast abscess to be removed surgically leaving theatre with 3 tubes sticking out of my boob to drain the pus

I expected: to bond with my baby and feel ecstatic about her birth

I got: postnatal depression, didn't know who I was anymore

second baby: knowing better i expected the worst and it was all a pleasant breeze even with a toddler in tow. Easy birth, easy bfeeding, instant bonding.

So you're better off preparing for the worst. Nobody ever told me how hard it could be.

Shiraztastic Thu 09-May-13 19:18:08

I have had four newborns and absolutely adore small babies.

When it goes well it is wonderful, bliss etc. some newborns feed, sleep, cuddle and that's it There are always good bits.

When it goes badly it is shit beyond comparison. There are no words to explain the terror of thinking your newborn might be seriously ill or the despair at a screaming baby at 4am for the 6th night in a row who you can't figure out how to trouble shoot. I have met lots of first time mothers in the first fortnight professionally. Invariably they look grey, shellshocked, tired and often sore and anxious. Second, third, fourth time parents not so much. People tell you these things because all the I agree of motherhood is of soft focus enjoyment. Yes, that happens, but the constant focus on how amaaaaaazing it all is may well contribute to many parents' initial sense of failure, or even pnd. People are trying to be kind.

I suggest reading What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen and The Food of Love by Kate Evans. Both are light, positive, practical and realistic.

Good luck and enjoy your baby.

sherazade Thu 09-May-13 19:19:16

by the way despite my horrific experience my baby was a breeze (slept through, placid, beautiful, peaceful, never cried) so people wondered why I looked so miserable and teary, it's not always about the baby! your hormones wreak havoc with your body and so can birth.I had friends with far more challenging and exhausting babies who say they enjoyed the newborn period.

Shiraztastic Thu 09-May-13 19:19:51

All the I agree = all the imagery

bigTillyMint Thu 09-May-13 19:20:37

I loved it too - such a magical (if knackering!) time.

Don't take any notice - enjoy your baby when it arrivessmile

Bowlersarm Thu 09-May-13 19:22:33

Having my first newborn was hard hard work. Total shock to the system and really true that if you have reached the end of the day and achieved something important, like, ooh cleaned your teeth, that was a HUGE achievement indeed.

My 3rd newborn was so so enjoyable. I loved those days with new DC3.

GentlyGentlyOhDear Thu 09-May-13 19:23:49

I LOVED that time!
Family time when dh was on paternity leave, lots of daytime naps, night-wakings were an Event and I had a little snack table by the bed and dh used to make us both a hot chocolate, lots of baths with the baby, lots of cuddles, lots of lazy days watching tv and iplayer in bed. I didn't have any problems feeding at all and didn't have the baby blues either.

It is hard and a bit of a culture shock and I may be looking back with rose-tinted specs, but it is so much more tiring now with a 13month old who will not just be still and has started having little tantrums! I also find it harder if we have a bad night now as my body isn't used to it. I maybe had an 'easy' baby and will be eating my words if a second comes along!

mummysmellsofsick Thu 09-May-13 19:24:52

Having a newborn can be exhausting and emotional but I have decided the reason people complain about their kids is because it wouldn't be fair on people who don't or can't have children if we went around saying that having children is the best thing you will ever do. That's how it is for me anyway, it's the best thing. The smell of your baby, your toddler running up to you overjoyed when you get home from work, all the fun and cuddles and the privilege of showing them the world and teaching them things... It's all worth the harder times a million times over.

Kewcumber Thu 09-May-13 19:28:08

I missed the tiny baby stage (DS adopted at 11 months but size/development of a 5 month old) when I told people I was adopting I had the most extraordinary responses basically telling me my life was over!

One person out of all of this just said to me...

"More joy than you can possibly imagine"

Yes it was harder than I could possibly imagine and I was so much crapper as a parent than I ever expected to be. But he was right.

GentlyGentlyOhDear Thu 09-May-13 19:29:09

I did, however, struggle psychologically with the birth experience and the fact that I didn't cry/get a mad rush of love for dd when I saw her. I felt very guilty for a long time for not being overwhelmed with emotion for her, but I think I was just shellshocked. I love her more and more every day noe though smile

It is both, though.

You are emotional and exhausted (honestly, you have never known exhaustion like it) and maybe sore, and anxious and frightened and hormonal ... and quite possibly loved up and calm too.

Telling you it is ok if it is horrendous is a kindness, if it is part of a conversation about how squidgey newborns are and how lovely they smell.

But some of us genuinely survive the first weeks, with little in mitigation. It is no comment on our bonding or parenting in general, just one of those things.

IsThatTrue Thu 09-May-13 19:34:04

I love the newborn stage. Sitting snuggling ds2 (5mo) at the mo and in so many ways he's so grown up already.

My advice would be cuddle your baby lots. Don't worry about housework that's what guests are for. Don't listen to anyone who tells you you are making a rod for your own back while cuddling/staring at your little bundle endlessly. Make the most of this time.

how the fuck can I be broody, he's 5mo ffs!!!

MamaBear17 Thu 09-May-13 19:35:37

My dd had colic so the early days were traumatic. I wasn't prepared for just how badly my hormones would affect me, the 'day four' weepies were a real shock! I also suffered from Primary Lactation Failure so ended up bottle feeding when I wanted to breastfeed which didnt help because I beat myself up terribly about it. But, there were lovely moments alongside the tough times. She is almost 2 and I still can not get over how wonderful our first cuddle was. The first smile, first laugh, first co-sleep were all brilliant. I think people warn you that it might be tough because we are often sold this idea (in the media) that motherhood is this wonderful, floaty experience and everyone takes to it like a duck to water. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xx

Makingmama Thu 09-May-13 19:37:26

I also LOVED the newborn and baby stage smile...honestly those first weeks were so unbelievably amazing, I can't imagine ever having such an experience again (unless I persuade dh to have no 4 lol!) Just go with the flow, try and be as laid back as possible, don't keep up with the house etc...cuddle and enjoy smile

EasyToEatTiger Thu 09-May-13 19:40:50

Having survived childbirth and cancer, the fabulous thing about childbirth is that it brings new hope and new possibilities. And in this country most of the time you survive childbirth. It's a little death and a new beginning. Huge changes. It is awful having piles and not being able to go to the loo. My husband was fabulous when my dcs were born.

Xmasbaby11 Thu 09-May-13 19:46:10

Yes, it is a tough time - the first 6 weeks were pretty rough for me. Got better and better after that!

ilovecolinfirth Thu 09-May-13 19:50:35

I loved the first few weeks as it felt like EVERYONE would stop me in the street to tell me how beautiful my child was. I felt so so proud. There are obviously very difficult times in the first few weeks too, so just do what you want to. It is so special, enjoy it! X

stopgap Thu 09-May-13 20:19:51

I hated it. We had force ten colic/silent reflux to deal with from week three to month seven. Up to eight hours of crying a day, and twelve hours on one memorable occasion. I loved my baby with all my heart but I was so exhausted that I felt like throwing up. But colic only affects 20% of newborns, so the odds are stacked in your favour!

(I should add that my colicky nightmare has blossomed into the most wonderful, engaged, talkative 22-month-old boy, who is an absolute breeze compared to most toddlers we know.)

Lamazeroo Thu 09-May-13 20:20:41

See, I read way too much MN when I was pregnant and was expecting this lovely, special, snuggly time. And I'm sorry to report that it was sheer hell. Weeks - months - of screaming, sleeping in 20 minute bursts, splitting the nights into three hour shifts with my mum and husband, sobbing with horror that this was now my life. When I think back to the newborn phase I feel instant tension and revulsion.
BUT I am pleased to report that if babies are fucking horrid, toddlers make up for it. My boy gradually improved from about 12 months, and at 18 months it was like a switch. Suddenly he became happy, funny, charming, sweet, more independent and he started sleeping for more than two hours at a time. Now he is the light of my life, we both adore him and would never be without him. The little boy we live with almost makes the baby phase worth it.
So OP, if you're still reading: it doesn't matter what the newborn phase is like for you. It will pass. And whether it's blissful or soul destroyingly awful you'll be a mummy to a gorgeous unique little being with whom you'll share a love unlike anything else on earth.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 09-May-13 20:22:44

i got bored of hearing it too and how would i cope as i was on my own

well it was fine actually much better than that ds was a very easy baby. it was a very very special time but most of it you are in a daze

katkit1 Thu 09-May-13 20:35:14

Loved the endless baby snuggles - hrs and hrs.

i only put him down at around 4 months.

Hated breastfeeding

My 6month old only uses me as a viewing post now - no more lovely, snuggly cuddles

Blu Thu 09-May-13 20:41:56

I loved the newborn stage. We had fun, and were quite adventurous, really - went on a 3 day break to the sea when DS was 2 weeks old. It was bliss. You have unconditional permission to rest whenever you are tired and the baby is sleeping, it's great if you have a DP or DH on paternity leave...it was lovely.

I found it harder at about 6m when the sleepless nights began to take thier toll, and desparate when I went back to work and he still was not sleeping... and wouldn't take a bottle...But some babies are much easier.

Lavenderhoney Thu 09-May-13 20:44:03

It's lovely as soon as you leave hospital and are snuggling in bed with your own baby, or reclining on the sofa in pjs watching daytime tv, cuddling your baby. I didn't put mine downsmile

Even getting up in the night is ok, change, feed, cuddle... Yes they cry, but its ok, they have just arrived! It's normal.

The crap bit is when you have another, and you have to watch cbeebies instead.

At least no one is regaling you with birth horror stories.

KingRollo Thu 09-May-13 20:44:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsannekins Thu 09-May-13 20:50:06

I've said to a couple of friends who've had babies shortly after me that the labour part is easy compared with the time afterwards, and you need to put a bit more focus on having proper meals in the freezer that you can microwave, lots of easy to eat snacks (mars bars are good for milk production, my HV said so), and getting your house in order so that you don't need to go hunting for anything.

I found it very hard, and spent most of the first few weeks in a bit of a fog, but once that lifts and you get into your stride, it does pass, and life gets a bit more enjoyable. Hopefully.

Pigsmummy Thu 09-May-13 21:00:38

Imagine the worst and it won't be so bad. I got on ok, DD is fast asleep and I am relaxing with the cat.

anniroc Thu 09-May-13 21:05:44

Lots of happy memories pushing my sleeping son round the park in the sunshine, browsing the shops, meetings friends for coffee. As the mother of two toddlers, those days are long, long, gone. Newborns that don't move: heaven. It will be hard sometimes because it will be so different to what your life used to be like, but you will adapt. Enjoy it - its so precious as they grow up so fast!

MagicHouse Thu 09-May-13 21:06:43

I could have writeen lots of Lamazeroo's post! Another one here who found the newborn stage horrific! Silent reflux and sleeping no longer than about 40 mins in a chunk day or night at her worst. I was a sleep deprived, sobbing wreck.
Another chronic illness with ds meant sleep and breathing problems - so yet more months of worry and sleepnessness.
Now my dd is a gorgeous, witty, loving 7 year old, and my ds a gorgeous (tantrummy but still funny and lovely!)..... and life is soooooo much better.
I would never tell anyone that the newborn stage is awful - but I do say don't worry if it's not what you thought or you don't feel happy. When dd was a newborn, other mums who told me their similar tales of misery (which get better if you just hang in there) were my absolute lifeline tbh, and made me realise that what I was going through was "normal".
Good luck with your new baby - no matter what happens, becoming a mum is pretty incredible :-)

CailinDana Thu 09-May-13 22:02:31

I have a 2 year old ds and a 10 wk old dd. I find babies incredibly dull and tbh i'm just wearing away these early days with dd as i can't wait for her to get older and more interactive. I didn't find ds's newborn days hard as he was the most chilled out baby ever to exist (i honestly can't remember him ever crying for more than 2 mins) but it was only when he got to about 10 months that i really started to enjoy him. Now he's 2 he is beyond amazing i love being around him. I'm looking forward to those days with dd.newborns are cute but by gum are they boring.

minouminou Thu 09-May-13 22:25:38

I absolutely loved the newborn phase, especially with DS, who was first, as it was just me and him when DP went to work.
With DD it was a bit different, as she was difficult, and I also had DS to think about, but I'd still go back to either period in a heartbeat!

DS was a dream.....I was tired, but I didn't care!
Just say "I'm sure I'll live...." and change the subject when someone starts up.

itsaruddygame Fri 10-May-13 07:47:04

I love the days (DS 9 weeks) but the nights are seriously tough. No sleep and bloody exhausting!

GingerBlondecat Fri 10-May-13 08:03:13

I too absolutely Loved those first few weeks.

But, then I loved ALL the stages (((Hugs)))) flowers

GingerBlondecat Fri 10-May-13 08:04:04

^^ Except for the few severe colicky months. grin

MonkeyingAroundTown Fri 10-May-13 22:59:21

I loved every moment of my sons newborn stage. Even the night savings. I used to enjoy seeing him and having a cuddle even if I had just been woken up at silly o clock.

Cherish every moment and don't fret. You will love being a new mummy. Make sure you take lots of photographs and recordings as they change so rapidly. Its weirdlooking back at my baby as a newborn his features look way too big for his face!!

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 10-May-13 23:11:18

It depends, I have 4 boys and it has been different every time. I love it when they start to smile and coo. Ds4 is 14 weeks and his face lights up when he sees me. He never stops talking, I'd love to know what he's trying to tell us.

They grow up so fast, the awful tiedness, constant feeding and everything elso is just a tiny part of it. There are far more happy moments than awful ones.

Fakebook Fri 10-May-13 23:12:04

Newborns are easy. They just drink milk and sleep and smell of sweetness. They can't move around and break things. They don't spill water/juice/milk over the floor and sofas. They don't take pots and pans out of cupboards and bang them with random objects. Toddlers are the ones you should be afraid of.

2blessed Fri 10-May-13 23:19:08

Those first few weeks were fantastic. Newborn snuggles, stroking his velvety ears. Don't get me wrong, it was tough and I was recovering from a C-section, we hit a breastfeeding wall on day 4, cracked nipples etc but all in all, I loved it and still loving it 18 weeks later. Good luck OP

NatashaBee Fri 10-May-13 23:33:29

The newborn stage was lovely. My back pain went when I gave birth, so I actually slept better than when I was heavily pregnant. And DS would sleep most of the day on and off so I slept when he did, and spent his first 10 days in a lovely sleepy haze, curled up on the sofa watching DVDs and cuddling with him till my mother invited herself to stay and spoiled it

NatashaBee Fri 10-May-13 23:34:21

Oh yes, Fakebook... And you can lay them down on a playmat on the floor and they stay put! I miss those days.

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