more of am i being abit mad..

(40 Posts)
ditsydoll Thu 09-May-13 15:06:54

To consider going to a wedding less than a week after my due date?

I will either be overdue, have a tiny newborn or just not be able to go because I'll a actually be giving birth.

Iv got absolutely nothing to wear so would have to buy an entirely new wedding outfit for it.

I'm wondering how I'm going to feed tiny baby with bfing not properly established.

It's a close family member who I love and would really be sad to miss their big day.

Would u even consider going?

VinegarTits Thu 09-May-13 15:08:54

i would play it by ear, under the circumstances i am sure your relative will understand if you pull out last minute

Sirzy Thu 09-May-13 15:09:48

Do you have to let them know now?

How far from home is it?

If you really want to go I would tell them that you are going to try to go but that as you are sure they will understand it will very much depend on what is happening.

dexter73 Thu 09-May-13 15:11:30

I would have probably considered it before having my baby as I didn't realise what was involved in childbirth and just after. Now I wouldn't go if I had just had a baby.

ditsydoll Thu 09-May-13 15:11:48

They are aware that we may not make it. But do I spend all that money on a new dress?
Iv not bought any maternity dresses yet and with 2 weeks left to go I'm just wondering if it's really worth it. Is it even going to be an option to go?
No probs if I'm overdue, I wouldn't dream of missing it. But it would be a different story with a newborn..

thebody Thu 09-May-13 15:12:59

Send an acceptance card saying you hope to be there but you may be otherwise busy.

mytitsareonfire Thu 09-May-13 15:13:26

No way. But then I'm rather lazy.

Numberlock Thu 09-May-13 15:13:42

I definitely wouldn't rule it out, see how you feel at the time. Even if you just make it for an hour or so, you may feel up for it. Outfit-wise, if it's that close to giving birth, just more your smartest maternity outfit. No-one will be worrying about you're wearing, they'll just be pleased to see you and meet the baby!

Icelollycraving Thu 09-May-13 15:14:30

No. If you commit to going,they will have you on a seating plan,will pay for your meal etc. If she's a bridezilla she may not want a newborn getting lots of attention.
On the other hand,if it's a relaxed wedding then could you play it by ear?

VinegarTits Thu 09-May-13 15:14:57

can you buy the dress and if you dont end up going take it back and get a refund?

Wishwehadgoneabroad Thu 09-May-13 15:15:38

Save yourself the stress of having to cancel last minute (and thus leaving the bride/groom with meals they've paid for etc) and bow out gracefully now.

If you're overdue you will not be in any fit state to go.

With a newborn, you will be sleep deprived in a way you never thought possible.

Agree with dexter73

thebody Thu 09-May-13 15:16:36

Sorry see its less than a week after your due date.

No don't get the outfit.

Going to a wedding with all the standing and sitting around and socialising at 9 months pregs will be vile, being able to do this less than a week after giving birth will be unthinkable.

Get someone to film the wedding for you.

CatelynStark Thu 09-May-13 15:18:28

I went to a wedding two days after DD2 was born. I must have been bloody insane! All that standing around for photos made me feel as if my uterus was falling out.

Unless you really love the couple and can ensure you can sit down A LOT, then I really wouldn't bother tbh.

Hermionewastherealhero Thu 09-May-13 15:19:22

I went to an evening do for one of my best friend's a week after having a c section. I was in a complete state about what I wear and how I looked- daft as I couldn't even walk very well but I was in heels!
I was determined to go as I had missed the wedding abroad. To be honest all my husband and I did was stare at our baby - who slept the whole hour and half we were there.
Glad I did it and friend appreciated it but would only do it gain for very close family or friend

Numberlock Thu 09-May-13 15:20:20

Think positive people!

I agree you don't want to take up a full place for a meal that they'll have to pay for. But going along to an informal affair for an hour or two or just the evening do after the sit-down meal is definitely an option.

Outfit-wise, no-one will care!

Discuss the options with the bride and groom and see what would work for them too, under the circumstances.

redexpat Thu 09-May-13 15:23:20

You'll probably go over, especially if it's your first.

Let them know that you don't know for sure if you'll be able to attend but that you would like to.

Buy a dress (asos maternity are not v expensive at all and you get free returns).

This way you have options.

DeepRedBetty Thu 09-May-13 15:24:47

If by some miracle you do feel up to it, ensure chairs are available for you to plonk in at all times, and just wear something with a loose skirt, any old top and a large all-encompassing shawl, which has the double merit of covering up whatever you're wearing underneath that still fits and being handy if you feel the urge to bf but don't want Great Uncle Fred's eyes to fall out.

But most likely you really won't feel up to it, and I wouldn't even contemplate it unless it's going to be one of those really informal, chilled out weddings and most of the guests are friends/family.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 09-May-13 15:25:16

My sister came to my wedding 4 days after having her second, and it was 300 miles away, but then she's very relaxed about that sort of thing.

Mehrida Thu 09-May-13 15:27:52

I did this... Got DH to take me to the ceremony (local church) then pick me up afterwards to go home for a rest/feed baby.

I then went for the meal and speeches before he picked me up again after that. (Couldn't drive after EMCS)

Friend was over the moon that I managed that much and it meant I was only away from DS for a couple of hours at a time.

I wore a reeaally floaty maxidress, not a maternity dress, so I can use it again. Maybe you could borrow one rather than buy a new one.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 09-May-13 15:31:29

Well I had an adrenaline rush a couple of days after, so would have been up for it, but then got hit by the three day blues, so wouldnt! BF took several days to get going, so although lunch was on board, so to speak, feeds werent exactly straight forwards!
I really dont think that you can say either way, until the exact day of the wedding. There are so many variables. Each and every pregnancy and birth are different. Just say "we will be there if we can", and wait and see.

ditsydoll Thu 09-May-13 15:42:16

It's quite a formal wedding but there are at least 15 under 4s going to be at the sit down meal so it won't be a quiet affair!
They know we may not make it and we Saud to take us off sit down meal to save paying for us but they wouldn't hear of it and just said to make it if we can. I think I'll buy a dress and just play it by ear.

I'll be sure to buy something dark and breastfeeding friendly just incase I go before the wedding!

Zalen Thu 09-May-13 15:45:50

Not much to add but I went to open day for ds1's secondary school when 7 days overdue with ds2, not quite the same but lots of standing and traipsing about so it will probably be doable if you feel up to it. Speak to the happy couple about the venue, I'm sure having a chair available for you shouldn't be a problem unless their getting married in the middle of a field!

And as for what to wear do what my maid of honour threatened to do at my wedding, wear an oversize t-shirt with "Under Construction" emblazoned across it. It really wouldn't have bothered me, I'd just have loved it if she'd been able to be there.

EasilyBored Thu 09-May-13 16:02:03

Alternative scenarios - you could have the baby at 37 weeks (considered full term) and have a four week old baby and by then you will probably feel more like yourself, you could still be pregnant and a night of dancing might kick start your labour? I would play it by ear, and just see how you feel closer to the time. If you have a tiny baby by then, just wear it in a sling and then you don't even need to take it out to feed.

So YANBU to consider it, but just see how you feel later.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 09-May-13 16:07:40

exactly, or you could go 2 weeks over. Too many variables!

CMP69 Thu 09-May-13 16:10:55

One of my friends came to a mutual friends wedding, in Newcastle from Leeds, with a 6 day old and a 17 month old and a very pissed DH grin
Then she is often determined to prove her kids never stop her from doing anything wink

redskyatnight Thu 09-May-13 16:14:27

I went to a wedding 3days after my due date.
I was still pregnant.
I'd obviously forewarned my friend, but as the wedding was close to home was determined to make it there for at least some of the time unless actively hospitalised.

I bought a smart maternity top second hand from a charity shop and wore it with the black trousers I was wearing to work.

Depends on how you feel but, if new arrival hasn't yet (as it were) then it would be a shame to miss out.

On a note of caution though - A friend of mine's due date was v.close to our wedding date, and we just counted her into the pot, but left the decision up to her. She was over due and after a week of "no, won't go"/"yes, I will" went with "yes I will". She started labour during the service (4pm) but found it manageable and was enjoying being out so came to the reception & meal and only left for hospital after midnight. Child arrived half an hour later...

that's lovely Moonlight - way to steal the bride's thunder! gringrin

OP, I would do as the bride has suggested - say yes but she knows that you might not make it.
even if you have a tiny baby, you don't have to stay for the whole time, and you could always ask for facilities to rest away from the party if you need it.

there's always far too much food at these things, so that won't be an issue! grin

I went to my BFs wedding when DS1 was about a week or two old. I only went to the church and she quite understood why.

The only downside was that I found myself crying my eyes out in an hormonal puddle when she walked in!

Blowninonabreeze Thu 09-May-13 16:34:42

I've just ordered a dress from hire expectations to wear to a dress at 39+ weeks pregnant.

They hire maternity and breast feeding dresses, and you can cancel your hire at any time up. The point you receive the dress in the post.

Jengnr Thu 09-May-13 16:36:51

I went to one when baby was 10 days old. We only went to the church bit and justbsat at the back. They were delighted we'd gone.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Thu 09-May-13 16:43:02

I'm hoping to do the same. The bride and groom have kids already and I don't yet. They've insisted on keeping us on the list even though I offered to drop out just in case, and are happy to play it by ear - she said that a week after DC1 she couldn't, but a week after DC2 she'd have been fine, so understands that I just don't know yet.

HappyJoyful Thu 09-May-13 16:48:16

I drove myself and DH to a wedding, in a blizzard 120 miles away from home when I was 4 days overdue. I did stood in for my 'stand in' and did the reading in the church as well. But, I'm a stubborn and determined type and many had scoffed at 'how I certainly wouldn't be attending that wedding', it was a dear, dear friend and when she saw me in the church the tears were worth the treacherous rather foolhardy drive I didn't want to miss it for the world so I didn't! I was convinced mind over matter played a part and DD wasn't born for another 5 days.

It's entirely up to you! Is your DH supportive ? Able to drive etc ? I think being pregnant was probably easier than having the baby by a long stretch.. though I did have emergency c-section so it would have been worse.

I contemplated 'worse case' scenario giving birth in snow drift in a layby with a drunk DH and decided I coudl hack it ??! So as I say, decided to go. So yes, just be sure you can handle all the possible scenarios and plan accordingly and you'll be fine.

Oh, and I would most certainly not spend any money on a dress etc - I actually wore one of the brides hand me down maternity silk tops and leggings, you can get plenty of cheap non maternity that fit flowing for wedding or borrow ?

Good luck! Relax and enjoy if you want to go!

Unique - it certainly makes it easy to remember her DC's birthday!

I have to admit to boasting on a very frequent basis occasionally that I've had the whole "my wedding really was enjoyed by guests" belief independently verified - she only left when persuaded by a friend who was expecting her fourth as she'd decided her own DH was just being precious about needing to leave the party as he couldn't drink... grin grin

grin

raisah Thu 09-May-13 17:32:14

My cousin got married 2 weeks after I gave birth and I didnt attend. I am glad I didnt because I was a bit hormonal, tired and achy. I didnt want loads of people breathing their germs over and holding my unvaccinated baby

Flobbadobs Thu 09-May-13 17:39:39

I did this, 4 days after to be precise, it went fine and we just went for the wedding itself and the meal. I then fell asleep on the way home!
Just be prepared for the tiredness and the potential for your milk to come in unexpectedly... blush

MammaTJ Thu 09-May-13 17:53:54

Buy a dress, but don't remove the labels until the day, just in case you don't use it.

EauRouge Thu 09-May-13 17:55:26

My cousin was back riding her bike a week after giving birth. I, on the other hand, was gibbering on the sofa with stitches from ear to ear and milk squirting all over the place, lying down because I was unable to sit for more than a couple of minutes.

I'd wait and see how you feel!

HollyBerryBush Thu 09-May-13 18:23:40

I think it depends how close the wedding is to your hospital.

We were invited to a 40th Anniv party on DS2s due date, but it was the other side of London, so I declined. Had it been within a 20 min drive, I probably would have accepted.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now