To have a party a week or so after neighbour has a baby

(118 Posts)
kitsilano Wed 08-May-13 10:40:16

We are planning to have a party for around 30 - 35 friends in a couple of weeks. Saturday night.

Neighbour (in semi-detached house) is due to give birth imminently (first baby) and I am becoming increasingly anxious that they will be really annoyed about the party, having just given birth and being exhausted etc and that it may cause major problems - and I can empathise with that.

Both of us have done building work in the last couple of years (them ongoing) so we've had to put up with a fair amount of noise from each other without major issues.

But we don't get on with them massively well (they were very annoyed about us building an extension and did everything they could to prevent it - before then doing the same and more themselves...). I always try to be cooperative and pleasant and certainly don't want to be in conflict with them.

This will be the first time we've had a party in the evening in the 5 years we have lived in the house.

How do you think I should handle it?

msrisotto Wed 08-May-13 10:42:22

Well it's your house! As long as you are not behaving unreasonably it is fair enough. It is reasonable to have a gathering in your own house on a weekend as long as music isn't too loud.

squeakytoy Wed 08-May-13 10:42:36

Just have your party but let them know beforehand that you are having it, simply out of politeness.

UnChartered Wed 08-May-13 10:42:51

i think you should invite them as an opening line, then go from there

could be the way to rekindle a nicer relationship?

SirBoobAlot Wed 08-May-13 10:43:36

I think you should tell them in advance, and make sure it doesn't get too loud or so on too late. Especially if things are already difficult between the two of you, don't damage it any further.

maddening Wed 08-May-13 10:50:33

As long as you maintain the noise to a reasonable level and turn the music right down at 11pm then you shouldn't have a problem.

Keep the noise to the far side of the house from them. Windows and doors shut and keep an eye on people when they are outside. Let the neighbours know you will be having a party and ensure they have your number so they can contact you if it is too loud.

twooter Wed 08-May-13 10:55:25

Is there a special reason for the party, and why it has to be now?

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 08-May-13 10:58:14

God, I wouldn't. Seems a bit mean. Have the party somewhere else. Hire a room in a pub.

DoctorRobert Wed 08-May-13 10:59:23

if you knew when their baby was due, why have you arranged your first party in 5 years to coincide?

jacks365 Wed 08-May-13 11:00:28

With a week old baby i wouldn't have noticed a party next door. I was too exhausted to do anything other than sleep and feed, nothing would have kept me awake. Its unlikely to disturb a baby that young either.

Enjoy your party just don't let it get out of hand.

I would, its part and parcel of living next to people that sometimes they have parties.

I'd pre-warn them and possibly mention they are welcome to come, although not with the baby.

Branleuse Wed 08-May-13 11:01:16

they might be annoyed but unless its some full scale acid techno event that goes on till the early hours, then theyll just have to suck it up. Give them warning and make sure you keep the noise down after 11ish

PickledLiver Wed 08-May-13 11:02:22

YANBU. Your house. Just be polite and keep the noise down after 10pm. I would not invite them seeing as you don't get on. There's no need to inform them really, either.

Katienana Wed 08-May-13 11:03:06

It won't disturb baby but it might ruin a chance at sleep for the mum. I would have party elsewhere then you don't have to worry about it. Treat others how you would like to be treated!

kitsilano Wed 08-May-13 11:03:28

It's my husbands 40th that weekend. To be honest we don't see them very often and I had lost track of exactly when she was due. Only properly realised the significance when I bumped into her yesterday.

NiniLegsInTheAir Wed 08-May-13 11:03:52

I wouldn't, personally. The first night I brought DD home neighbours on both sides of us BOTH had noisy parties despite knowing we'd just got home. Being at home with a newborn is stressful enough.

What's the occasion? Would hiring a place or going into town be better for the neighbourly relationship?

Patchouli Wed 08-May-13 11:04:27

Well they're probably not going to like it.
But then you might not like hearing their baby crying late at nights.
Just one of those things.

How late is it likely to go?

NiniLegsInTheAir Wed 08-May-13 11:04:50

X-post. I still wouldn't, to be honest. Agree with Katienana - treat others how you would like to be treated.

Not telling them at all would be out of order in my view.

PickledLiver Wed 08-May-13 11:07:07

Do not hire a place out for it. It's your home. Are they going to move out every time the baby has a screaming fit? Let them know if you want to but they cannot rearrange/cancel your birthday parties because they have a child now, they have to deal with it.

EasterHoliday Wed 08-May-13 11:10:26

well it's very nice of you to be so considerate. Our neighbours threw a party for about 100 in the garden when we had a 3 month old, letting us know the day before with the charming line "we're having a party and it will go on late so if it's too noisy for you at 4am, come and join in". Lo and behold, there was a sound system pumping rave music across teh valley until 8am. Neighbours from miles around were coming to the gates to find out wtf was going on, one woman was in tears. The dog opposite was going demented.
So my view is that you give advance warning, say it's a 40th & they're very welcome to come alogn, don't hire a sound system, and take it indoors at 10. Do you have a room that's useable for guests which isn't adjacent to their wall?

with a first baby, she'll quite possibly be late anyway... and like Patchouli said - they'll be keepign you awake a fair bit soon too.

pictish Wed 08-May-13 11:13:38

Seems mean...hire a room in a pub??

Pfffft....

Just make sure no one gets too rowdy OP. It's your home and you can have a party if you like.

AmberLeaf Wed 08-May-13 11:16:49

YANBU, they will probably be up all night anyway!

As long as you don't have a loud sound system then IMO it isn't unreasonable.

I would tell them now and offer an invite, but wouldn't expect them to come so soon after the birth anyway.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Wed 08-May-13 11:17:50

It depends on the party. Sound systems in gardens are always a bit obnoxious...... Unless you are very detached.

I would tell her that you will turn off any music by 11 and have everything indoors from then on...... And then make sure you do it. Anything later would be inconsiderate and selfish.

Start the party an hour or so earlier.

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 08-May-13 11:18:09

All those saying "her home" well, yeah, but if what you do in your home seriously affects someone in another home, then you should consider them.
I would at least speak to her about it.

randgirl Wed 08-May-13 11:18:24

Put a note saying your having a party for dh birthday and if she is feeling up to it to pop over and join in?

Funnily enough we had dhs 45th party when our neighbour dd was about 2-3 months old. We did let them know and we turned down the music about 11pm. We arent in a semi-detached though and the party was outside. Its never been an issue since. They didnt come but we did invite them..

squeakytoy Wed 08-May-13 11:20:59

I wouldnt have thought a 40th party was going to be on the same sort of scale as an 18th or 21st where it is almost guaranteed that there will be a lot of teenage screeching, throwing up in flowerbeds, and general rowdiness.

OP has no obligation to arrange her social life around her neighbours baby.

Bogeyface Wed 08-May-13 11:22:29

My 40th is in three weeks and I am having a party at our local pub. You get the room hire free if more than 30 people go, so they make their money on the increased bar take, and I am doing the food. Is that a possibility.

You can control the music etc but you cant control people who have had too much to drink, or are in the garden for a fag talking and singing at the tops of their voices!

DaveMccave Wed 08-May-13 11:24:49

It's your home but I would be worried to. I would let them know now, if she knows you are worried about disturbing her she will probably be a lot more tolerant. And most importantly, if she is exhausted the day before the party she can make arrangements to stay at a relatives or friends on party night or sleep more in the day. Not telling her would just be awful.

Yanbu and its rather thoughtful of you to think of your neighbour. Chances are, she will be up with new baby anyway and as you don't make a habit of parties at your home i wouldn't worry too much, just let her know beforehand.

Taffeta Wed 08-May-13 11:29:56

Let her know ASAP so she can make arrangements to be elsewhere if it really bothers her. But that's it, I def wld not have it elsewhere, you harly ever do it, its a special event etc.

Callisto Wed 08-May-13 11:30:55

I would and I would invite them and the new baby. It wouldn't even cross my mind to not have a party because some random has just had a baby. Though my parties are not loud and raucous ones that upset whole neighbourhoods.

iclaudius Wed 08-May-13 11:32:34

Personally I'd have cried - a lot but maybe I'm a wuss . I wouldn't do it I'd wait

Nanny0gg Wed 08-May-13 12:02:40

It's your home but I would be worried to. I would let them know now, if she knows you are worried about disturbing her she will probably be a lot more tolerant. And most importantly, if she is exhausted the day before the party she can make arrangements to stay at a relatives or friends on party night or sleep more in the day. Not telling her would just be awful.
Sleep in more during the day? Stay at a relatives? Hahahahaha.
Sorry, but have you ever had a newborn?

I think the OP is in a tricky situation and is being considerate to even pose the question.
I don't think it's unreasonable to have the party, but I agree, warn the neighbours and be thoughtful about the noise and finish time.

Taffeta Wed 08-May-13 12:23:08

Don't get what the problem is staying with relatives with a newborn for a night. And yes have had 2. confused

Fourkisses Wed 08-May-13 12:31:37

It's your home and your husband's 40th. Of course yanbu to have a party. Invite the neighbours well in advance so they are forewarned (highly unlikely to come if they have a newborn and you don't really get on anyway) & can make alternative arrangements of they want. Tell them you will turn the music off at midnight & stick to it.
Hope the party goes well smile

sammysaidso Wed 08-May-13 12:39:11

The world can't stop just because someone has had a baby.
Enjoy your party.

JerseySpud Wed 08-May-13 13:07:01

YABU. It would be horrible with a newborn, people talking outside, music, shouting.

squoosh Wed 08-May-13 13:12:13

YANBU.

It's your home and it's your husband's 40th, go for it. The family with the baby need to adjust to the world around them, not the other way.

It's a good idea to let them know though.

Bunraku Wed 08-May-13 13:38:39

Yanbu as long as it stays under control. The only thing that bothers me is when it starts spilling onto the street and people are rowdy though it's mainly sports,18ths and 21sts that are culprits for this.

TippiShagpile Wed 08-May-13 13:43:20

As others have said, how about having it in a local pub or a hall nearby? That way you don't upset your neighbours (anything would have set me off in the first few days/weeks after I'd given birth). Remember those times when your baby took hours to go to sleep and how stressed you'd be if a party kept the baby awake? I don't think it's worth the aggro.

The added bonus is your house doesn't get messed. smile

Grammaticus Wed 08-May-13 13:47:20

Yes - warn them, tell them music off at midnight and stick to it. If she goes overdue she might still be in hospital anyway.

CoffeeShoppe Wed 08-May-13 13:47:53

have the party, in your own home. It is your home. They decided to have a baby, not you. You cant organise your life around someone who has had a baby. Give them notice, they can go out. A newborn can go anywhere til anytime of the day or night, so if they dont like it, they can go out.We used to take dd out at all times of the day and night . Even a walk on the beach at 4am. Dont let them spoil your party. It is a one off. You will have to listen to their baby scream for years to come!!

Have fun at your party.

KitchenandJumble Wed 08-May-13 13:51:04

YANBU. Presumably it will be a normal party for adults, not a wild free-for-all that goes on all night. Tell your neighbours in advance (or invite them to join in), turn the music down at a decent hour, and enjoy.

kitsilano Wed 08-May-13 14:28:43

Hmm - quite polarised opinions! I can see both sides. The reason we want to do it at home is because we want to provide all food and drink for our friends - affordable at home but gets pricey in pub/hired room.

It won't be mega late, no sound system and we are grown ups not teenagers. But there will be some music and obviously people will be drinking (though we definitely aren't shouting in the street types!) I already said to my DH we should make sure everyone's inside and the music turned down by 11.00. But the houses are semi-detached so I'm sure they'll still be able to hear something.

But then again I know how stressful and knackering it can be with a new baby and I'm generally a do as you would be done by person.

Also my feelings are complicated by how miserable and stressful they made our building project and the fact that I have been determined 100% to not do the same in return with theirs but be supportive and co-operative. I guess if I am honest I dont feel they've ever been thoughtful towards us - maybe that informs my attitude too.

Aargh.

bordellosboheme Wed 08-May-13 14:33:22

Yabu....... She will be tired, sore, wanting space. It's very mean I think ( sorry)

squoosh Wed 08-May-13 14:35:33

Honestly, you sound like a thoughtful and considerate person, more so than your neighbours. Music turned down by 11pm is more than respectful.

ENJOY THE PARTY!

EasilyBored Wed 08-May-13 14:36:55

It's one night. At a weekend. It's not like the OP has said that she's going to let her child have a drum kit next to one of the adjoining walls or anything. To be honest, if one night of a bit of noise from next door causes that much of an issue, they've got bigger problems.

Newborns never bloody sleep in the evening anyway! Just let them know you're having a party, invite them if she's feeling up to it, and keep the noise to a reasonable level after 11.

I didn't especially enjoy having my neighbours set off fireworks when I had a week old baby. But, you know, it was New Years Eve. It's not every night, and you get over it.

Sallyingforth Wed 08-May-13 14:37:41

Surely it's entirely possible to have a party without making unsociable noise?
People usually talk louder when they've had a drink but they don't need to shout unless you have loud music.

dexter73 Wed 08-May-13 14:39:33

Won't they be up all night anyway if they have a newborn?! (remembers sleepless nights!)

squoosh Wed 08-May-13 14:39:49

If people expect to live in complete silence they should go and live in a Trappist monastery, if you live in a semi detached in suburbia however you've got to accept a bit of noise from time to time.

DiscoDonkey Wed 08-May-13 14:40:22

I'm not sure the building issue is relevant tbh. If you took that out of the equation and assumed you had a normal, positive relationship with your neighbour what would your decision be?
Our previous neighbour was a complete arsehole but when his dad became very ill we stopped all noisy building works on our house for the duration.
Do what you think is right not what you think they "deserve"

kitsilano Wed 08-May-13 14:46:06

DiscoDonkey

If we got on well with them (as we do with our other neighbours who are coming to the party) I think it would go like this:

We'd invite them, they'd come for a bit, we'd all coo over the baby. We'd say come and knock on the door if it's too loud after you've gone home. They'd also feel well-disposed towards us and so be less likely to get outraged on principle.

EuroShaggleton Wed 08-May-13 14:52:27

I think it's fine to go ahead. It's your home, after all. The baby might be waking you up for many more nights if your walls are as thin as ours! I'd just pop a note through the door along the lines of "We just wanted to let you know that on [date] we will be celebrating my husband's 40th with a gathering for some friends at our house. We intend to start to quieten things down from 11pm, but if the noise is too much, please pop round or give us a call on [...]. Good luck with/congratulations on your new arrival!" If you were to include a bottle of cava or something with it I bet you wouldn't hear a peep from them. People tend to be a lot more tolerant of people who are kind to them!

DiscoDonkey Wed 08-May-13 15:07:58

In that case, send lovely card and flowers on baby's arrival, invite them round to show off their newborn, coo adoringly and tell them to please let you know if the noise is bothering them and reassure them that it won't be going on til 4 am.

maddening Wed 08-May-13 15:10:33

That's true sqoosh but it goes both ways doesn't it - you can't have silence nor can you expect to make and whatever noise you want. It's all down to being reasonable on both sides.

squoosh Wed 08-May-13 15:17:19

I think having a party in your house at which the music will be turned down at 11pm is reasonable.

I think most people would find that to be reasonable.

DinoSnores Wed 08-May-13 15:27:09

I've had 2 newborns, the latest 11 weeks ago. It wouldn't bother me, as long as the noise was down by 10-11pm. I'm with euro and disco on this.

marjproops Wed 08-May-13 16:47:13

Hire a hall. people shouldnt have loud parties at any time in houses unless you live in a detatched in the middle of a field.

its not fair on neighbours, warning or no warning. and even if you turned music off at 11 therell still be clinking glasses and loud voices.

or cant you have it during day instead? a bbq one from lunchtime till early evening if that.

MaxPepsi Wed 08-May-13 17:07:34

Have it.

Ask them to come.

Enjoy yourselves.

dexter73 Wed 08-May-13 17:08:10

Marj - if you aren't going to allow loud parties in the evening then you shouldn't really have a party during the day either though because that wouldn't be fair on people who worked shifts and were trying to sleep.

Shiraztastic Wed 08-May-13 17:20:58

No idea how to handle the pary, but do take them a meal that's easy to reheat when their baby's about a week old, and maybe a cake too. Make sure you drop in a card when it arrives as well.

Simple things, but all worth it in the name of smoothing relations. People remember simple kindnesses at important life stages smile.

marjproops Wed 08-May-13 17:34:14

agree with you dexter re- shiftworkers too, and babies too, just seems a bit more diplomatic rather than at night? (trying to compromise here, i HATE any party stuff at any time, the loudness and shouting etc) im not a grouch, just that DC and I are so sensitive to noise, especially DC with her autism. and no one hears her screams , their ''music'' and stuff is THAT loud.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Wed 08-May-13 17:39:27

Keeping things indoors and 'quieter' from 11 sounds reasonable. Just make sure you stick to it. I suggested starting the party a little earlier than usual. I have done this and it worked a treat.

mytitsareonfire Wed 08-May-13 17:41:52

Our neighbours went away when DD was 2 weeks old and left their 17 year old son at home. They were very lovely and said if there was any bother just to knock on the door and let him know.

Come the evening their horrid son played dubstep ridiculously loudly until 4am. We hammered at the door, no answer. I sat up crying my eyes out until the music stopped. I was so exhausted trying to establish BF and just couldn't believe that someone could be so selfish (I was very hormonal and sleep deprived!).

Personally I wouldn't do it because of the above experience, but then again you're not a self absorbed teenager.

Nanny0gg Wed 08-May-13 17:45:45

Having read your other posts, I think you should go ahead. It's one night, you'll be as thoughtful as possible and it's a special occasion.

Warn them, send round a plate of party food and enjoy!

rubyflipper Wed 08-May-13 17:45:49

Have the party! It's your home and it's just one night.

Just give them a bit of warning and leave it at that.

Potterer Wed 08-May-13 18:00:28

Our neighbours threw a 30th birthday party when ds1 was about 3 weeks old. They sang loudly along to 80's songs. Ds1 slept through it, Dh and I did too purely because we were exhausted but not before laughing our heads off at fudged words or completely forgetting the lyrics

They did tell us in advance so we knew, and yes it did go on till around 3am.

Your party is one night, not every weekend. They chose to have a baby.

I dreaded bonfire night with loud bangs, whistles and screeches. It's all part of life. Babies sleep in the day and you can't expect people to tiptoe around someone who has a newborn.

Have your party just tell them in advance. I am sure they will be pissed off but then they will no doubt have a baby that cries in the middle of the night. And let's face it, judging by the number of people on MN on the sleep section, that doesn't necessarily stop for quite some time.

Viviennemary Wed 08-May-13 18:08:50

It might be better if you put the party off for a few weeks longer. And it is usually normal to invite neighbours if you think the party might be a bit noisy even if you don't really want or expect them to come.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 08-May-13 18:26:00

Have the party, you are doing nothing wrong. It would be polite to let them know, but if they complain then they are being unreasonable, not you.

Scholes34 Wed 08-May-13 18:36:35

The teenage children of neighbours had a mad party, late into the night with kids throwing up in the street and basically making lots of noise. No neighbours invited (parents were away). Everyone in the street was woken up, except the immediate neighbours, who had a three week old. All of them slept through it.

QueenStromba Wed 08-May-13 18:43:15

If I were you I'd be too exhausted by being the bigger person when they did their extension to give a crap about what they think now.

I'm saying this as someone who never vacuumed or put on washing in the evening in my old flat because the downstairs neighbours had a baby who went to bed at 7pm. If they were dicks I probably wouldn't have bothered.

Coffeeformeplease Wed 08-May-13 18:57:45

I think it's ott to hire a hall.

She could have her baby 2 weeks late (my first one was), they could be away to visit relatives, they could be up with a screaming baby all night and and and.

I would have the party, it's not just a random occasion, it's a big birthday.

Tell her in advance (or even invite them), and have fun at the party!!

motherinferior Wed 08-May-13 19:05:31

It's my 50th- birthday in a few weeks' time and I'm afraid nothing is going to stop me having a party. Tell her nicely and then enjoy yourselves!

thermalsinapril Wed 08-May-13 19:47:10

I think the music can be the sound that "carries" the most, especially the bass line. So it would be considerate to keep that to a reasonable level. But it doesn't sound like you're planning a rowdy evening with lots of shouting etc. like the lads parties I have lived next door to!

redexpat Wed 08-May-13 20:22:00

Invite the neighbours to the party!

Oh for god's sake, I can't believe there are people on here going "they chose to have a baby" or "the baby will be keeping you awake shortly, tit for tat" - have some compassion! My baby is 5 months, but if my neighbours had had a party when she was just new I would have cried. Your neighbour will be sore, shellshocked, tired and emotional. I think it's cruel and I wouldn't do it if I were you. Put yourself in her shoes, what would you honestly think about yourself? Fair enough after a month or so, it is your home and you should be allowed to have parties (although I'd still tread carefully), but I'd show some consideration here.

At the very least talk to her and ensure she feels like she can approach you if the noise gets too much.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 08-May-13 20:57:36

Cruel? To have a 40th birthday party with just 30-35 people in your own home?

Cruel? confused

MoominsYonisAreScary Wed 08-May-13 21:09:39

Ds is 13 weeks old, I wouldn't care as long as the music wasn't too loud.
People have been outside having BBQs and playing music all weekend with the weather being so nice (us too)

maddening Wed 08-May-13 21:11:38

I'm not suggesting that isn't reasonable squoosh.

marjproops Wed 08-May-13 21:11:57

look OP at the end of the day if you did have a party in your house would you be enjoying it or totally foccussed on what the neighbours thinking/feeling?

youre obviously concerned about it (and good for you on that) so why not just go and hire a hall or something, then you wont be worrying about it, can have a good time and be able to make all the noise you want?

plus you wouldnt be clearing/tidying up your house afterwards.

TooMuchRain Wed 08-May-13 21:25:14

I think party is fine but music down so they can't hear it from 11 onwards - though til I read this thread I thought that was normal even without newborns! Can't believe people think it's ok to keep poor neighbours up til 3am.

NiniLegsInTheAir Wed 08-May-13 21:52:25

I with Dewey on this. Very surprised to see posters saying 'well the baby will keep you up when it cries so it's fair to make noise now'. Are we really like that as a country now, all this tit-for-tat rubbish? confused

If it were me, I'd be ok with it as long as I was told in advance - not everyone has relatives they can stay with or a beach they can go walk along with the baby as one poster suggested hmm. Music should be turned down at 11pm. That is reasonable.

greenformica Wed 08-May-13 22:04:41

Invite them or at least let them know it's happening. That way she can arrange to stay with friends/family if she wishes.

Pixel Wed 08-May-13 22:57:59

God, I wouldn't. Seems a bit mean. Have the party somewhere else. Hire a room in a pub.

This made me laugh as we lived in a busy pub with lots of live music when my babies were born. The night I brought dd home we had a 12 piece band playing right underneath our bedroom. The floor was shaking!grin

Sorry, not very helpful. Just y'know memories...

OP this is a difficult one but as others have said it depends, there are parties and parties. Some people just take the mickey with music blasting out in the early hours but you don't sound as if you mean to do that. As it's a special birthday perhaps explain that you started making arrangements some months ago so that family members could be sure to be able to come (whether true or not) and you didn't know then that there might be a new baby next door, then promise to keep the noise down when it gets late? You are letting them know in plenty of time (my neighbours would tell me the day before, if they bothered to mention it at all) so you are being as fair about it as you can.

motherinferior Fri 10-May-13 16:28:47

I'm boggling at the suggestions they postpone a birthday party - the clue's in the name 'birthday'. And I think it's utterly unreasonable to expect them to go to the expense and hassle of hiring somewhere.

valiumredhead Fri 10-May-13 16:36:49

Tell her in advance.

Invite them.

Enjoy smile

Dahlialover Fri 10-May-13 16:57:11

Tell them in advance
Invite them
Send a piece of cake round if they can't come
send a nice card and pressie for the baby

They might turn out ok in the end!

My neighbours had a loud party next door (detatched) the night after we moved in, without telling us anything. They managed to wake me up at 3am, despite me being 4mths pregnant and sleeping like a concrete log. They were arses. Never got any better. You sound better than that.

WileyRoadRunner Fri 10-May-13 17:08:09

If the baby is born that weekend it could be a double celebration?

chansondumatin Fri 10-May-13 17:12:58

I'm due to have a baby the week before Christmas and I live in a terrace.
I'd be mortified if my neighbours started cancelling parties for my benefit. Having a baby is my choice, and other people have lives. I feel guilty enough that my neighbours probably have plenty of disturbed nights ahead of them...

A 40th birthday is a big deal and it's only one night. Have the party and just make sure you don't blast out loud music all night long, as others have said (just as you hopefully would with any party in built-up surroundings).

Maggie111 Fri 10-May-13 17:13:24

I have a newborn (3 weeks old)

I worry I will be keeping my neighbours awake much more than a party on one night!!!

Just let them know in advance about any noise and be apologetic.

And enjoy!

pinkyredrose Fri 10-May-13 17:24:42

Have your party! Why should you change your plans just because they have a baby? That's madness, it was their choice.

Doesn't sound like they've been friendly towards you anyway.

AThingInYourLife Fri 10-May-13 17:42:55

Have the party.

frogwatcher42 Fri 10-May-13 18:04:46

I wouldn't have a party for more than 10 or so in a semi anyway to be honest. I think it is unreasonable - nothing more annoying than noise you can't control or benefit from and you only have to look at councils stats to see how many hundreds of complaints they receive about parties each year and how many parties they shut down after listening to it in the neighbouring house for ages and agreeing it as unreasonable.

You may think you are controlling the noise but after several drinks and your ears adjusting to the noise of 30-40 people talking in one small house you will be surprised how much noise is generated and how much louder it is to those not there or slightly deafened by it! Its amazing how much noise travels through the average semi wall.

Thats what pubs and village halls are for. A village hall costs £20 and you can make as much noise as you like!

marjproops Fri 10-May-13 18:53:22

here here, frogwatcher. !

MiaowTheCat Fri 10-May-13 19:04:47

Love it - the same forum that had people saying that kids had a right to enjoy the garden at 7am and damn the neighbours wanting some quiet this morning, and now someone wanting to celebrate their 40th (which I doubt will involve an orgy in the garden at 2am somehow) is selfish and mean for wanting to um... enjoy THEIR house?!

Seriously.

To be honest in the newborn phase I wouldn't have given a shit about a party next door because when I got the chance to - I could have slept through armageddon and so would both my babies... it's when DD1 got a bit older that she started to be woken up by stuff of the non-milk or rumbly tummy variety.

frogwatcher42 Fri 10-May-13 19:09:43

But Miaow - what about the neighbour who cant enjoy THEIR house because of the noise. That is the problem with noise - one person may be enjoying it in their house but others may have the enjoyment of their houses ruined because of it.

motherinferior Fri 10-May-13 19:09:54

Some of you lot just don't like parties, do you.

The occasional noisy Saturday night is part and parcel of urban life. And in a few weeks' time I certainly intend to have a party which will - gasp - spill out into the garden and may involve people Talking Quite Late. Sometimes my neighbours do likewise. We all seem to cope.

frogwatcher42 Fri 10-May-13 19:11:39

I love a good old party (actually have a little tinnitus for over doing it in my early adult life!).

But I also have consideration for my neighbours and think they have a right to enjoy their properties as well as I enjoy mine.

I do make a lot of use of local village halls though!

AThingInYourLife Fri 10-May-13 19:24:57

"Love it - the same forum that had people saying that kids had a right to enjoy the garden at 7am and damn the neighbours wanting some quiet this morning, and now someone wanting to celebrate their 40th (which I doubt will involve an orgy in the garden at 2am somehow) is selfish and mean for wanting to um... enjoy THEIR house?!"

Well I think children should be allowed to play in their gardens and adults should be allowed to have parties in their homes.

Some people don't think people should ever do anything that might make noise.

You can't expect a forum to be consistent.

The people two doors down sometimes have parties. If the doors /windows are open, then we might hear people chatting and laughing. The odd tune. Tbh, there are worse noises to listen to then people enjoying themselves.

I can't believe the OP is being told to move her party. She has a right to entertain people in her own home. The neighbours can just put up with it till 11pm. That's life with neighbours. They've got a new baby. It's not teh end of the world. The ONLY possible circumstances in which I would expect the OP to rethink her plans would be if somebody next door was quite literally dying. In that situation any party should be moved or cancelled. Otherwise party on!

Quangle Fri 10-May-13 20:12:50

I think you sound very fair and thoughtful. Inside after 11 and music under control sounds reasonable. Have fun. Agree with suggestions re bringing round a meal etc. those early days are hideous but just as likely to be hideous at 10 am as 11pm tbh so a party like the one you are describing would have been fine for me when I was at that stage. Crying all day anyway so wouldn't even have noticed a party! I def wasn't asleep then either - more pacing and worrying about bf!

kitsilano Sat 11-May-13 09:23:17

I've been thinking about all the different responses and opinions. I've now looked into our local hall (although we live in London it is a "villagy" bit so does have one.) It is £350 on a Sat night - as well as being dark and not very nice. Our house has plenty of space, new big extension, lovely garden (and is free). I don't think there is anyway I am going to be able to persuade my husband to do the hall thing...

Looked at rooms in pubs too - but there's no way we could pay for everything as planned as you are paying pub prices for food and drinks.

Still thinking...but definitely taking on board the advice I am being given in terms of how to handle it so thank you all.

eccentrica Sat 11-May-13 09:36:50

Yanbu. It's only one night. It's persistent noise that destroys your wellbeing.

marjproops Sat 11-May-13 18:28:47

well done OP btw for being diplomatic. Im against the house party but at least you're thinking about it so kudos for you grin.

try looking into a a church hall, theyre usually cheaper?

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 11-May-13 18:50:09

I love parties! But when I had a newborn I lived next to a house of Crazy Italians. They were always bringing all their mates home from the pub at midnight. They had a piano. I had insommnia anyway with baby ds, so it nearly sent me proper off my rocker.
Now, if someone says "party" and "newborn" in the same sentence I say "run for the hills!".

Also, I reckon OP's neighbour only got the extension after OP's mahoosive extension blocked out all their light.
<crosses arms and tilts chin>

FoodieToo Sat 11-May-13 19:10:01

You are very considerate. If I were you I wouldn't dream of hiring somewhere.

We live beside a nutter who wants our five young kids to keep quiet during the day. Is vicious about them playing in the garden or practising their instruments.

You sound very nice. Please come and live beside me lol!

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 11-May-13 19:30:41

I wouldn't consider changing it, obviously don't play blaring music at 3am or have folk shacked up screaming on the lawn but otherwise its your house as long as your respectful its a one off.

WhizzforAtomms Sat 11-May-13 20:12:08

Babies don't come on time, especially first babies.

As a poster said upthread, they may be away at relatives, up all night anyway with a screaming newborn, so exhausted that they sleep through anything, in hospital giving birth, or a million other things...

How would you feel if you chucked loads of money at hiring somewhere and then they weren't even at home?

Send over an invite now, say it is a special occasion as DH's 40th, about taking it inside at 11 and turning the music down, and that is plenty considerate enough.

When you have young children you have a routine and want to get them off to bed by a certain time, but newborn schedule is all over the place - who knows when baby or mum will be sleeping.

I like the idea of sending round a plate of food early on too, really thoughtful and they won't be able to sit there grumbling about you while enjoying it!

maddening Sat 11-May-13 21:54:22

Wonder if there'll be a few new mums in semi detached houses where both sides have had an extension waiting to see if there is a party and they are the neighbours grin

kitsilano Sat 11-May-13 22:33:43

LOL maddening - really hoping not to be identified!

Pinkflipflop Sat 11-May-13 22:50:50

YABU

You haven't had a party in five years and yet you are having one now when your neighbour will have a one week old baby?

Bad form.

Bogeyface Sun 12-May-13 09:54:46

No Pink they havent had a party in 5 years and are having one now, in the week her husband turns 40.

You make it sound like that picked the date deliberately, it isnt their fault when his birthday is, and if not that week then when? When the baby is 3 months and settling in the evening? 6 months and sleeping through?

Op, you sound very considerate but I lean towards the have it somewhere else. That would be the MOST considerate thing. Yes yes to turn the music down at 11. Our neighbours do this and then the noise of thirty or so drunk people talking/laughing/screeching drives us bananas into the wee hours.

If your relationship with the neighbours is already strained, I don't think this will help. Just sayin, from having been on the other side of the wall so to speak...

Yes, it is your home, but the nature of shared walls is that it's not all about you..(meant in the kindest way)

quesadilla Sun 12-May-13 10:28:40

I think it's fine as long as you give them at least a week's heads-up and then make clear to your guests that they have to keep noise levels down.

motherinferior Sun 12-May-13 10:30:45

O come on, keep noise levels down? Maybe after 11, but otherwise just enjoy yourselves!

It's a birthday. A big one. Dance on tables and have a good timegrin

Purple2012 Sun 12-May-13 11:14:13

Have your party. It's your home, you are entitled to invite who you want into it. It's a one off occasion. So, I would let them know you are having a party, tell them you will keep the noise down and for them to let you know if it's a problem after 11 pm.

There's no way you should hold it elsewhere. It's good to be considerate but I wouldn't be bothered by a one off party keeping me awake.

Ask the neighbour what she regards as acceptable. Let her know she can call you if she's disturbed.

If she doesn't want the party then I think YABVU to have loud music or other noise after 10pm Yes it is your home. However, her home is hers and she's entitled to peace and quiet in it.

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