Do I ask friend to replace cake pan she ruined

(61 Posts)
jayisagirlsnametoo Wed 08-May-13 05:24:21

Hi, this is my first AIBU so please be kind! smile

I leant my friend my cake pan as she wanted to make a birthday cake for a mutual friend. When it was returned, the cake had clearly been cut in the pan as there were numerous scratches from the edge to the centre. It was non stick, but obviously now ruined by scratches. I know it isn't a huge item but I don't have a great amount of money and I'd only bought it to make a cake for someone else in the past.

Would I be unreasonable to ask for her to replace it, or does that seem petty over a cake pan?

Thumbwitch Wed 08-May-13 05:29:49

Have you asked her about it? I think SHE might see it as petty, personally if I'd done that to a borrowed cake pan I'd have a) apologised and b) bought a replacement! As she didn't even mention it (assuming from your OP that she didn't) then I'd say she's not bothered that she's spoilt it.

Thing is, it is still usable but you'd have to now line the pan with greaseproof paper, same as if it wasn't non-stick. So she'd probably tell you that.

I think you have to evaluate the friendship, see if it's worth possibly losing it over a cake pan and then decide whether or not to bring it up with your friend.

And, as I should have remembered myself, don't lend stuff you can't afford to replace (Currently in the position of trying to retrieve 6 lent cake pans, 2 cooling racks and 2 muffin trays from a friend who moved while I was overseas!)

RubyOnRails Wed 08-May-13 05:30:27


PurplePidjin Wed 08-May-13 05:37:18

she should replace it, but be prepared for her to rudely go hmm You aren't risking the friendship by asking, though, she is by being disrespectful of your property

And it's alright for some, being able to write off a fiver's worth (minimum) of luxury item for the sake of a misguided sense of politeness

NynaevesSister Wed 08-May-13 05:39:51

I probably wouldn't ask but would write it off to experience. I might ask her if she knew you can't use metal utensils in a non stick pan though. I had a friend stay who ruined a pot using a metal spoon in it. Twice I pointed out to her where the non metal utensils were and I also had a pointed chat about how much of a pain it was not being able to use metal utensils with non stick.

Finally I had to say it point blank before I lost anymore pots. She just had no idea.

In your situation I would tell the friend not to worry, it was just one of those things but she might want to tell the person who cut the cake in the tin that metal ruins non stick.

And you shouldn't use it really now that the non stick coating is coming off.

LittleMissLucy Wed 08-May-13 05:45:13

Not petty. She should have returned it in the state she found it, or replaced it in my opinion.

MusicalEndorphins Wed 08-May-13 05:53:01

Maybe say something to your friend along these lines. "Friend, I guess that you didn't realize this, but my non stick pan isn't non stick since you borrowed it, as it has scratches in the coating from someone using a regular knife in the pan. You need to use a special knife made for non stick bakeware, or turn the cake out onto a plate. I thought I'd let you know so if you ever buy yourself a cake pan, you won't ruin it. "
If she respects other peoples stuff, she should offer to replace it, if she doesn't, then you know never to lend her anything again.

Tailtwister Wed 08-May-13 07:07:20

YANBU. Cake tins can be very expensive and even if it wasn't you don't borrow something and return it damaged.

I don't think you need to beat around the bush on this one. She must know the tin is damaged and is obviously not saying anything in the hope she'll get away with it. Just be straight with her. She borrowed something from you, damaged it and therefore needs to replace it like for like.

TobyLerone Wed 08-May-13 07:08:07

It's not ruined.

pictish Wed 08-May-13 07:09:42

Hmmm...this would annoy me....but I probably wouldn't ask for a replacement, but rather chalk it down to experience.

emsyj Wed 08-May-13 07:16:20

I would be annoyed at this, but wouldn't say anything. It would colour my view of her as a friend though, because I would certainly not borrow something and return it in that state. I once borrowed a maternity dress from a friend - I ripped it and she said she wasn't bothered and not to worry, but I still replaced it. I couldn't have lived with myself otherwise!!!

I had a friend once who I was quite close to until she borrowed a rather expensive evening bag from me that had diamante decoration on it. She returned it with half the diamantes missing. I was really offended and have to confess I cooled the friendship considerably and don't socialise with her any more. If she'd confessed to it, I would not have been worried and would have told her to forget it, but the fact that she just merrily handed it over in a bag and never mentioned having ruined it made me really cross.

Lora1982 Wed 08-May-13 07:18:09

Ive got three you can have one if you around east midlands? They annoy me, hanging around the cupboard.

andadietcoke Wed 08-May-13 07:26:02

Is it ruined? You could always spray it with cake release rather than faffing with grease proof paper or a liner. If you do ask her to replace it (and as others have said you should be prepared for it to go badly) then she should at least get the 'ruined' cake pan in exchange.

usualsuspect Wed 08-May-13 07:29:21

I wouldn't ask her to replace it. I wouldn't even mention it.

NoelHeadbands Wed 08-May-13 07:30:31

It's not a huge deal is it? I couldn't risk bad feeling for the sake of a cake tin myself, she won't have done it deliberately

Molehillmountain Wed 08-May-13 07:31:10

Yanbu to hope that she would offer-I absolutely would offer to and actually insist to replace. But I don't think it's worth risking a friendship over. If she asks to borrow again, then either don't lend or explain about how to look after tins. It's really frustrating sad

pictish Wed 08-May-13 07:31:13

All of my non stick bakeware has a few scratches on just the same tbh.

usualsuspect Wed 08-May-13 07:32:35

You can still use it it's not ruined.

newbiefrugalgal Wed 08-May-13 07:33:17

I'd be annoyed and might say something if timing was right but wouldn't ask for a replacement.

usualsuspect Wed 08-May-13 07:33:59

My cake tins are all scratched from use.

Bananasinfadedpjs Wed 08-May-13 07:38:48

She might not know it is ruined. I often cut cakes in the pan. I didn't realise it ruined them until I read this. If she doesn't even own a cake tin, she's probably even less likely to know how to look after them. You should have told her how to make sure it didn't get any scratches before you lent it to her, but it's too late now.

I think it looks a bit petty to mention it, chances are she didn't realise, and she'll be mortified and embarrassed.

pictish Wed 08-May-13 07:39:56

And tbh, when I said earlier that this would annoy me, I was just trying to be understanding.
It wouldn't annoy me. It's a cake tin. That will work just the same.

usualsuspect Wed 08-May-13 07:44:13

Have you withdrawn your understanding ,Pitish grin

gaelicsheep Wed 08-May-13 07:45:16

It depends if she's actually your friend or not. If not then sure, ask her to replace it.

usualsuspect Wed 08-May-13 07:45:50


Wowserz129 Wed 08-May-13 07:46:45

Petty to ask for a replacement, it's a cake tin.

SacreBlue Wed 08-May-13 07:48:09

V annoying when people borrow things and return them damaged, I expect it is one of those things to let go this time and don't lend the next time tho.

Khaleese Wed 08-May-13 07:48:56

Petty to ask now, i'd chalk it up to experience. Don't give her your stuff again.

pigletmania Wed 08-May-13 07:58:54

How much do you value te friendship? I personally would let it go but not lent to her again. It's not worth it really. I am sure you can buy another cake tin, go to Wilkos, Home Bargains, pound stretcher for again ones iam sure they have cheaper non stick pan, dies not have to be a branded one!

pictish Wed 08-May-13 08:07:03

I have usual.

It's a cake tin. Just a cake tin. A cake tin that will still bake a cake.

gaelicsheep Wed 08-May-13 08:16:12

Anyhow, you grease and line cake tins, no? So it will make no difference at all.

It depends which you value more; the friendship or the cake pan. If it's the cake pan, then definitely ask for a replacement.

wiltingfast Wed 08-May-13 08:21:29

Definitely petty. Let it go.

And never lend anything expecting to get it back in the same condition it went. If it is that precious, don't lend.

senua Wed 08-May-13 08:26:24

You should have said something when it was returned damaged. It's too late to say something now and will appear petty.

However you are allowed - should the occasion ever arises - to loudly refuse to lend to someone else. If karma is kind it will be in earshot of friend and you can passively/aggresively explain why you no longer lend your bakeware.
OK, OK I know this will never happen but if you replay this scene in your head it will help you to get virtual closure.grin

RubyGates Wed 08-May-13 08:40:06

Maybe she didn't do the damage, but someone else (the friend for whom the cake was made perhaps?) did it.

Maybe she knows that the tin is damaged, but can't afford to replace it and is too embarrassed to mention it.

Either way I think it would be petty to mention it.

And as several other people have mentioned it's better not to buy non-stick cake pans in the first place. Cake release or greasing/flouring the tin is healthier for everyone.

Littlehousesomewhere Wed 08-May-13 08:50:35

I wouldn't ask her to replace it.

I would make a mental note to never lend her anything again.

I would also be more cautious about lending things that can get damaged easily to others.

I wouldn't use it either, scratched nonstick pans releases toxins.

2rebecca Wed 08-May-13 09:05:55

You can just coat the inside with greaseproof paper or the cake liners lakeland etc sell.
Googling the nonstick toxic issue it's inhaling the fumes if you heat a nonstick pan to a high temp with nothing in it that is toxic, the more academic reports say scratches are harmless.

Thewhingingdefective Wed 08-May-13 09:23:10

I would be peed off about it, but I wouldn't ask for a replacement. Just remember not to lend her a cake tin again!

lessemin Wed 08-May-13 10:18:12

If I lent a cake tin to any of my friends I would be impressed that I got it back at all grin

AngryGnome Wed 08-May-13 10:19:42

I have recently lent a lot of baby things to my sister's in-laws, who had a baby grandson visiting from overseas.

We lent them a ball pool - came back to us with a total of 10 balls as the dog had chewed and punctured the rest. They told me it was 'hilarious'.

I also lent them a couple of Annabel Karmel/baby led weaning cookery books (the baby is weaning, and his mum was keen to read them). They have obviously had somthing spilt on them, as none of the pages will separate now (in all three books!) and are completely unsusable. It is very obvious - not only are the pages stuck together but the covers are all stained. They didn't even mention it - presumably not as 'hilarious' as the dog chewing hmm

I won't be asking for replacements, but neither will I be lending anything again in the future.

pictish Wed 08-May-13 10:20:59

Never lend out what you can't afford to lose.

Stick to that rule and you'll do well.

msrisotto Wed 08-May-13 10:27:44

Leave it and never lend her anything again.

dufflefluffle Wed 08-May-13 10:31:01

I would never cut a cake in its tin but I would always line even a non-stick pan your case I'd let it go, know not to lend anything to this friend again and try to forget your irritation. Everyone has different standards of care for their (and others) possessions.

Fakebook Wed 08-May-13 10:34:03

How badly is it scratched? I doubt it will stop working from small scratches. It would annoy me too, but I'd never lend my prized possessions to anyone. (My cake tins are all from the 99p store, not even the pound shop, so not very special to me).

I am a bit torn on this one. If it was just a bog standard circle tin then I would mention it to friend but not ask for a replacement.

However, if it was an expensive shaped tin (teddy or train or something) I would have smoke coming out of my ears and would definitely ask for a replacement.

So which was it op?

CSIJanner Wed 08-May-13 10:40:13

Are we talking a series of tiny scratches or chasms as they've welded carving knives into the base?

Not mocking - have seen it done. Te encore were rock cakes that bent knives

Branleuse Wed 08-May-13 10:40:59

I wouldnt say anything. It will still work

dont lend her anything again though, and if she asks why, then mention it then and then say that you wont be lending anything to anyone that you cant afford to be lose.

AngryGnome Wed 08-May-13 10:45:16

It comes down to which do you value more - your cake-pan or your friend? Do you think she could have genuinely not realised the damage she has caused? She might be mortified if you bring it up, and apologise and offer to replace straightaway.

Bricklestick Wed 08-May-13 11:18:52

Just don't lend her anything again, job done. Did she know it was non-stick?

Nagoo Wed 08-May-13 11:25:00

It's not ruined.

The proportionate reaction to getting a scratched pan back is this: hmm

Don't mention it.

jayisagirlsnametoo Thu 09-May-13 16:15:17

Hi all, sorry for not replying sooner, and thank you for all your input.

I do believe it is ruined, in the same way that a shirt would be if it had an ugly black stain on it that wouldn't wash out. It could still carry out the practical function of a shirt, but it would definitely be ruined.

It wasn't a cheap cake pan, but it wasn't overly expensive either. It is the principal of having something returned to me in a much different condition than I leant it out which bugs me. Whenever I borrow things I always make sure it is returned in the same condition, I forget that others aren't so careful! Next time (if there is a next time!) I will make sure to warn the borrower to treat it nicely!

Anyway, I texted my friend on the same night the pan was returned to me (when I wrote the OP) and she was very apologetic and said she would replace it before I suggested, and asked me where it had been bought so I know she will get me one of the same quality. Result!

EldritchCleavage Thu 09-May-13 16:16:41

Glad it's sorted out. By the way, TK Maxx is a great place for decent, inexpensive cake tins.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 09-May-13 16:21:50

I think your friend is the petty one not to have noticed and offered to replace it. It's tricky - do you say nothing and inwardly seethe or point it out and risk the friendship? I think I'd have to say something - but you'd hope a real friend wouldn't put you in this position in the first place.
I'm not much help, am I?

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 09-May-13 16:22:37

X-post - glad to see it's sorted.

fromparistoberlin Thu 09-May-13 16:22:44


use greaseproof paper!

jayisagirlsnametoo Thu 09-May-13 17:28:23

I don't really want to be using greaseproof paper, that was the reason to get a non-stick pan in the first place.

Unfortunately we don't live in the UK and there isnt any TK maxx/ Poundland- type shops anywhere near us.

but all sorted now anyway smile I'm very much looking forward to baking in my new pan. I think my friend responded well, she is not a bad or disrespectful person, just very careless and clumsy and i honestly don't think she even realised!

Thanks everyone!

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Thu 09-May-13 18:13:41

That's a good result. I would have texted her to. If I had accidently damaged something that had been lent to me by a friend I would be upset if they DIDNT let me know confused

TheRealFellatio Thu 09-May-13 18:15:27

I have loads of non sitck bakeware that has scratches and knife marks on it and it's all still perfectly usable and non-stick.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Thu 09-May-13 18:25:44

We must all be using different recipes smile. My scratched bakeware DOES stick , I can now only use it with cake cases.

Otherwise I use my 'unscratched' non stick tins

Thumbwitch Thu 09-May-13 23:22:32

Good result, well done.

If your non-stick is too scratched, the teflon starts to release bits into the food - we had a non-stick baking tray that did this, and a non-stick sauté pan - both had to be ditched.

ImagineJL Thu 09-May-13 23:31:36

Good result.

I would let her keep the scratched tin when you get your new one.

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