to wear a white dress to a wedding?

(156 Posts)
ToothpasteKisses Mon 06-May-13 22:04:40

Have a friends wedding in June.

Have been looking at dresses online and my favourite ones are white. None are "bridey" looking dresses.

If you were the bride would that annoy you? Or is it a silly old tradition that only the bride wears white?

5318008 Mon 06-May-13 22:06:04

oh don't my dear. you'll just look a bit I Wish It Were Me, which ain't a good look on anyone

sarahseashell Mon 06-May-13 22:06:12

Although I wouldn't mind if I was the bride, I think it's best avoided. Just buy a different colour dress save any undue hassle

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 06-May-13 22:06:16

To be honest, I think its a little rude. If you're buying a new dress for the wedding then I would buy a non-white one.

HollyBerryBush Mon 06-May-13 22:07:10

V bad etiquette

Katienana Mon 06-May-13 22:07:28

Don't do it. It's rude and even if the bride doesn't mind other guests wil l think it odd.

dubstarr73 Mon 06-May-13 22:07:42

Dont do it you wil always be known as the one who wore white(to upstage the bride)its not worth it

MikeOxard Mon 06-May-13 22:08:15

Rude, just don't.

Cravingdairy Mon 06-May-13 22:08:27

The bride probably won't notice but the other guests may give you the side eye.

timidviper Mon 06-May-13 22:08:34

Another no vote I'm afraid

chirpchirp Mon 06-May-13 22:09:06

I personally wouldn't but probably wouldn't be annoyed if I was the bride.

If it is the cut/style of the dress that you like could you get it and dye it another colour?

Hegsy Mon 06-May-13 22:09:32

YABU my mum got married yesterday and there was a mother & daughter both in white/cream the daughters dress was VERY similar to my mums at the top. hmm wouldn't have been noticeable in purple/mint etc but in ivory you couldn't miss it!

BikeRunSki Mon 06-May-13 22:09:33

My sister did this to my wedding and my brother's wedding. In neither case did the bride wear white, but there were a lot of raised eyebrows and comments around "bad form", "upstaging", "attention seeker" etc. Bad manners I'd say.

kotinka Mon 06-May-13 22:09:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bootsycollins Mon 06-May-13 22:09:52

Absolutely not

CSIJanner Mon 06-May-13 22:11:13

YAB slightly U - I went to a wedding where a guest wore pure white - clutch, shoes, flower in hair, the works. It did not go down well with anybody, especially the bride and groom.

I'm saying slightly as you've not bought it - your browsing and asking the question. Are you bride or grooms side? Do you think you coud ask? Also, if you put a bright scarf, shawl, shoes etc with it, it could differentiate between you and the bride.

If and only if you accessorise with very not white accessories eg hot pink jacket, turquoise shoes, black and white hat, that kind of thing.

Head to toe white, Fuck No.

stiffstink Mon 06-May-13 22:11:29

As a bride, I noticed. Thought it was weird
One guest has worn white to every wedding I've seen her at. Its weird.
Its her wedding this year. Might wear white, just to be weird.

MonkeyingAroundTown Mon 06-May-13 22:12:59

In the same boat. Seen an absolutely gorgeous white vintage dress in white which I contemplated getting for a wedding I have been invited to. But I have not bought it out of respect for the bride. I doubt the bride would even notice as she would be on cloud nine but its the other guests who wouldn't hesitate in having a bitch fest at another guests white dress.

Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 22:13:38

Don't do it. I have a friend that always fecking wears white to other people's weddings. It does my head in. What's 'worse' is she's a gorgeous, tall, slim, stunning blonde and so she easily steals the show. Strange behaviour in my book.

Fasterkillpussycat Mon 06-May-13 22:13:49

Someone wore a skin tight white dress to my wedding and then proceeded to grind against my husband on the dance floor. We have been invited to her wedding this summer. I am only going if I can wear my wedding dress.

CSIJanner Mon 06-May-13 22:14:07

stiffstink grin

Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 22:14:46

Agree with stiff - I noticed. Thought it was weird. Wasn't bothered but did think 'oh that's weird'.

I wouldn't. A colleague wore white to our evening do, didn't bother me in the slightest (it was a lovely dress and I said as much) but i later found out she copped some serious bitching from others about it. I felt dreadful for her as she genuinely didn't know it is seen as bad form, she'd made a real effort to be there and I was in no way what so ever bothered by it. (I did speak to those that had bitched at her but that's not really the point! ) smile

Maxium12 Mon 06-May-13 22:15:37

No, don't even think about it.

Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 22:16:07

Oh and said friend last year to a mutual friend's wedding upped her ante and wore a silk white maxi dress. I mean would you?!

rambososcar Mon 06-May-13 22:17:21

It's very bad form. Faster, I dare you to go in your wedding dress and come back and tell us the bride's reaction!

LetMeAtTheWine Mon 06-May-13 22:17:41

Don't do it, it is really bad form!

GirlOutNumbered Mon 06-May-13 22:18:28

I bought a white dress with a big coloured floral thing down the front. It didnt even cross my mind that it may be a problem.

I felt uncomfortable in it all day. I don't think my friend minded or really noticed, it was everyone else.

Don't do it.

olgaga Mon 06-May-13 22:18:51

No, you mustn't. It just isn't right.

Think of the photos! The bride is the only one who gets to wear white. If she's not wearing white, wear what you like...

But don't wear white if she is.

Bumbolina Mon 06-May-13 22:20:04

My sister, who looks just like me despite an age gap, bought a floor length white dress to wear to my wedding. To be fair it was a beautiful dress, and was silk with a painted flower going down it so not like my wedding dress. But, I did ask her not to wear it as our relatives have enough trouble working out which of us they are talking to, that would have just confused things!
She has her own wedding next year and she is thinking if wearing it for the evening... it is such a beautiful dress it deserves to be seen... just not at my wedding grin

Cherriesarelovely Mon 06-May-13 22:20:17

I wouldn' way. I remember someone wearing an ivory trouser suit to my brother's wedding. It was gorgeous actually but my Sil was understandably pissed off. I think you will get alot of disapproving looks and will quite possibly upset the bride making for an uncomfortable day!

Blessyou Mon 06-May-13 22:20:59

My mum wore a lacy white number to my sister's wedding. But she is weird and has no idea of social etiquette. She's lovely, but completely oblivious and wouldn't be told. The photos of her and my dad, in his top and tails, look as though it's their wedding day.

ExcuseTypos Mon 06-May-13 22:22:00

Unless you wish to come across as a desparate , needy, attention seeker, I wouldn't do it.

Fasterkillpussycat Mon 06-May-13 22:22:11

Very tempted Rambo!

OP - I would avoid - even if the bride does not mind, it is not worth worrying about it when there are lots of other colours to choose from.

ArtemisatBrauron Mon 06-May-13 22:22:15

Thread hijack! What about navy dress, navy hat-feathery thing, white jacket? Sudden fear has struck me after reading all this!

Fleecyslippers Mon 06-May-13 22:23:32

My Ex MIL wore white to me wedding. With a white hat that had a white veil.

ExcuseTypos Mon 06-May-13 22:24:28

Bless my next door neighbour did that at her DD's wedding.

In the photos she looks a bit Miss Havisham.

olgaga Mon 06-May-13 22:25:14

Artemis navy dress and white jacket is not the same, don't worry!

Love the sound of the navy hat-feathery thing. You wouldn't see a bride wearing one grin so that's alright then!

Ginformation Mon 06-May-13 22:25:15

My SIL wore white to my wedding- she really was trying to upstage me (I found out later). It did not bother me, but everyone else commented on it.

ExcuseTypos Mon 06-May-13 22:25:33

Artemis- navy and white is fine.

White and more white isn't.

karinmaria Mon 06-May-13 22:25:56

Don't wear white! For a PP - a white jacket with navy dress etc is absolutely fine!

whatsleep Mon 06-May-13 22:26:09

Sorry shameless thread high jack.... I am tempted by this for my DSisIL it also a no??

SirRaymondClench Mon 06-May-13 22:26:27

Amazed anyone would even think it's ok to wear white at someone's wedding.
As everyone else said Op, just don't do it!

selsigfach Mon 06-May-13 22:27:13

Please don't, it looks so unbelievably desperate.
I would be giving you a dirty look if I were a fellow guest, let alone the bride!

Bumbolina Mon 06-May-13 22:27:49

Whatsleep - that is a definite no...

SweetSeraphim Mon 06-May-13 22:28:42

You're going to though, aren't you?

olgaga Mon 06-May-13 22:29:28

whatsleep I wouldn't.

Nice for a holiday but not a wedding - but I may be wrong of course.

meganorks Mon 06-May-13 22:30:00

I wore a white dress to a wedding. It wasn't a glam eveing dress or long or vaguely bridelike. And was wearing a wide tan belt and accessories and a blue jacket at start of day. Already had the dress and only found out about the whole white dress thing just before the wedding and had nothing else to wear.
I might be tempted to wear the same outfit to another wedding but knowing the rules now I would just buy a different colour dress for any future weddings.

HootShoot Mon 06-May-13 22:28:40

I w

HootShoot Mon 06-May-13 22:30:32

Should have been - I wouldn't whatsleep, even though it has some colour it does look bridal as it's long and strapless.

LetMeAtTheWine Mon 06-May-13 22:30:44

Navy and white I would say is fine.
White maxi dress from next, definite 'no' (IMO)!

LetMeAtTheWine Mon 06-May-13 22:31:42

Sorry, that was for Artemis and Whatsleep smile

whatsleep Mon 06-May-13 22:33:26

Ok thanks, ...have messaged my Sis (il) as we are quite close so I know she will be honest. And fwiw my MIL Wore a White dress to my wedding and it didn't even occur to me to be bothered!

Yonionekanobe Mon 06-May-13 22:34:52

I wouldn't, but then I normally check what colour the bridesmaids are wearing too in case of looking like I'm trying to blend in - have been to a few recently where bridesmaids have had a colour theme but different dresses.

Vatta Mon 06-May-13 22:35:33

We went to a wedding 4 years ago where one of the guests wore a White dress (knee length, lots of embroidered flowers, so not at all "bridey").

People still bitch and laugh about it and how inappropriate it was.

Seriously please don't wear White - I wouldn't even wear a White jacket or shawl with a different colour dress, it can really upset/annoy some people.

TooMuchRain Mon 06-May-13 22:40:06

Agree that it looks needy and would really avoid (I went to a wedding once where one bridesmaid/matron of honour turned up in black and the other in white!)

miemohrs Mon 06-May-13 22:40:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helltotheno Mon 06-May-13 22:47:26

Oh come on!!!! So now we can't even wear a white cardi or shawl with a dress of a completely different colour??? Well colour me stubborn if I ignore that one completely, people can be as upset as they want. Good lawd all this tradition stuff really goes overboard sometimes....

specialsubject Mon 06-May-13 22:50:22

it is really bizarre, isn't it? As long as you don't turn up in the top-of-the-toilet roll frilly frock, no bride with a brain should mind.

but evidently a lot of people think otherwise.

ParadiseChick Mon 06-May-13 22:50:25

Anything other than a white dress.

How many white dresses are there out there? I'm struggling to see how it of the whole world wide web they are only white dresses that you w want to wear.

Sharptic Mon 06-May-13 22:50:31

I wouldn't mind. A guest at our wedding wore a white dress, I didn't care and neither did anyone else, as far as I know!

ToothpasteKisses Mon 06-May-13 22:55:25

You're going to though, aren't you?

I'm not sure if you're referring to me as a couple of people hijacked.

But if it's to me then no I guess I wouldn't now, but probably will still buy the dress and wear at some other point.

If it's cotton could you dye it?

It would never occur to me to be offended if a guest wore white at my wedding. How silly. Especially if it was nothing like a bridal dress.

Evidently most people think it's a massive no no tho OP. Back to the drawing board?

candyandyoga Mon 06-May-13 23:00:07

Good to hear you have taken comments on board! Save the white dress for another time like you said and wear something else to wedding.

As for the other poster and the next dress link - no, no, no!

HootShoot Mon 06-May-13 23:01:35

Specialsubject - we had a guest turn up in a white dress and I didn't notice, but obviously others did as I had a couple of comments about it after the day. I personally wouldn't want to invite criticism from others so would avoid wearing a white dress. White accessories are fine I think.

KansasCityOctopus Mon 06-May-13 23:04:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 06-May-13 23:06:06

But why would you? It's the ONE colour to avoid, there are so many others that you could wear!

trixymalixy Mon 06-May-13 23:07:10

When my aunt got married to her 2nd husband she wore an ivory lace dress with a handkerchief hem. Her stepsister turned up in exactly the same dress!!

The stepsister was mortified, but what was she thinking?!?!?

No OP, I wouldn't do it.

I have worn a white trouser suit to a wedding, but I knew the bride was wearing red and had asked her.

Floggingmolly Mon 06-May-13 23:09:07

Ridiculously attention seeking.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 06-May-13 23:09:38

As a bride, I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't have noticed! In fact, maybe someone did turn up to mine in white, I have no recollection. I just remember everyone looking fabulous, because I was so fabulously happy.

However, I wouldn't turn up to someone else's wedding in white.

As everyone else has implied, the bride is the least of your worries. She's going to be totally preoccupied. The guests on the other hand, have plenty of time to be standing around quaffing champagne, noticing things. grin

ToothpasteKisses Mon 06-May-13 23:10:37

But why would you? It's the ONE colour to avoid, there are so many others that you could wear!

I'm asking for opinions on whether it is an out dated tradition. I'm not saying I am wearing white to wedding and fuck what anyone thinks.

I just saw a dress I really liked. And I've already said I'm not going to wear it so..... confused

I bought a short white dress to wear to my own wedding reception. The shop assistant (Jigsaw, where they will normally kill their own mother to get a sale) got the wrong end of the stick and was horrified. I had to explain very carefully that I was the actual bride before she'd sell me the dress.

RiotsNotDiets Mon 06-May-13 23:16:00

One of my guests turned up in a dress the same colour and a very similar style to my bridesmaids dresses (she had actually seen the dresses beforehand as well) That pissed me off, I think my head would've exploded if someone turned up in white.

I'm surprised to hear other posters saying the bride will be too happy to care. maybe this is why my marriage didn't last very long!!

Anyway, YABU and even if the bride didn't care the other guests would rip the piss out of you.

WheresMrMonkey Mon 06-May-13 23:17:59

Whilst pregnant I went to a wedding in a cream dress but with red accessories, and the dress was short, in no way did I look like a bride, throw another colour in and as long as its isnt floor length I say go ahead!
I couldn't tell what anyone was wearing at mine until I looked at the photos

lisianthus Mon 06-May-13 23:31:05

See, as the point of the custom is that you don't turn up in something that gives people the impression either that you wish you were the bride or want to be the focus of attention, It's tied intrinsically to the custom that brides tend to wear white. So as long as it is the custom that brides wear white, you'll look pretty odd if you turn up to a wedding in a white dress when you aren't the bride.

IMHO, i think it's almost worse if you do it at the wedding when the bride isn't wearing white, as there is a bigger chance you'll be confused for the bride.

And you don't do it to avoid annoying the bride; as most people have pointed out, she'll probably won't notice. You don't do it to avoid your own embarrassment at being thought a bit of a sad wannabe.

My friend turned up in a white dress to my wedding. 20 years ago. I still remember that, though I've absolutely no idea what anyone else was wearing.
I may be old fashioned, but wouldnt do it. Its not your day.
I have since reflected that she was jealous but even so.

finnbob Mon 06-May-13 23:35:13

Don't do it, plenty of other colours

NotYoMomma Mon 06-May-13 23:39:36

I went to a wedding once where a woman was wearing a white crop top and white leggings, the sheer type.

This was recently and not the 90s.

I was grin WTF?!?!

My mum wore a white jacket to my wedding but this was after 20 or so failed shopping attempts and with my blessing she looked fab, bit she was so worried about what people thought she wouldn't relax!

ENormaSnob Mon 06-May-13 23:57:08

Don't do it.

You will be judged.


Sunnysummer Mon 06-May-13 23:57:32

Yabu - as people above said, even if the bride doesn't care, it will definitely make you a focus of negative gossip from the other guests, so it won't help you and won't necessarily help the atmosphere.

GibberTheMonkey Tue 07-May-13 00:00:27

I have no idea what any of the guests wore to my wedding apart from two friends who wore the same skirt.
To be honest it wouldn't have bothered me at all. But I know it bothers other people so I wouldn't do it

duffybeatmetoit Tue 07-May-13 01:05:45

My MIL wore an ivory dress to my wedding. Didn't ask me whether I minded (other people's opinions are never considered) and I wasn't actually bothered. But the number of people who made a point of letting me know that they were horrified on my behalf was amazing - and I imagine loads more were discussing it amongst themselves.

It still seems to be a huge no-no.

Thumbwitch Tue 07-May-13 01:13:04

Glad you're thinking of wearing something else, OP - it's not just the bride's feelings to be concerned with (although she'd be the only one with any right to be pissed off) but all the other people who would think it's a bit "off" as well.

Hope you find something you like in a different colour! smile

doubleshotespresso Tue 07-May-13 01:15:08

No, no and thrice no

LittleMissLucy Tue 07-May-13 01:46:54

I didn't even wear close to white at my own wedding, but if someone had turned up in white, I'd have thought them to be a complete, and utter arse.

thermalsinapril Tue 07-May-13 02:27:06

YABU. Given the choice of all the dresses in the world, why would you pick a white one if there were so many other options?

currentlyconfuseddotcom Tue 07-May-13 02:35:53

No, don't do it. It's really entrenched in society that it's a faux pas, even if the bride doesn't mind.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Tue 07-May-13 02:47:30

I wore a cream dress like this to a wedding - honestly not bridal at all, with a big dark green belt and dark green cardigan.
I realise I am going to Hell for this now but at the time I really didn't. blush

Bumbolina Tue 07-May-13 06:13:09

I think as long as it isn't floor length, and you have bright accessories it isn't too bad - but a floor length white dress just looks a bit hmmmmm

TheRealFellatio Tue 07-May-13 06:18:25

Yes. don't even think about it.

Unless it is white with lots of other colours in it somewhere and VERY VERY un-bridal.

coralanne Tue 07-May-13 06:35:06

This reminds me of my DD's wedding.

Her MIL wore a dress exactly the same colour as the bridesmaids.

I did think at the time that it was a bit strange but thought no more about it. Her DD was bridesmaid so she knew what colour the dresses were.

She is a beautiful sewer and made her own outfit so I don't know if she saw the dress and thought "Oh that's a nice colour" and went out to match it.

changeforthebetter Tue 07-May-13 06:50:40

I wouldn't ..... but I am somewhat cack-handed and would spill something like red wine or tomato sauce down myself blushgrin

The Next dress is a bit bride-y.

SacreBlue Tue 07-May-13 07:00:07

I went to a registry wedding with a new bf once, he bought (control issues but of course I thought it sweet at the time) me a monsoon dress to go. i get to the wedding and it was exactely the same as the brides only in dark red. I was mortified and had to stay well away from the bridal party blush

PicardyThird Tue 07-May-13 07:04:47

I'm obviously massively out of step here, but I really, really wouldn't mind this if I were the bride, even if I were wearing white.

I wore green silk to get married and MIL turned up in a fairly similar shade. I did think it was a bit hmm but honestly couldn't be bothered to be offended.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 07-May-13 07:22:54

I personally would only wear white to a wedding if the bride had a colour theme and wanted people in white but otherwise no definitely not

MaryPoppinsBag Tue 07-May-13 07:25:25

A friend of the family wore a white suit (not sure what colour top under) to my wedding, but I let her off it was her 25th wedding anniversary the day we got married. Maybe she wanted to relive the moment.
She was of an age not to upstage me though!

I wouldn't wear white to a wedding though.

nulgirl Tue 07-May-13 07:52:21

My neice's mum (db's former partner) showed up at my wedding wearing a white dress. I wasn't really too fussed but I did think it was a bit sad and desperate to try to upstage the bride. Everyone else there was talking about it and my friends still remember her and laugh.

ZillionChocolate Tue 07-May-13 07:53:12

It's good manners not to try to upstage the bride. For as long as white is traditional, that means not wearing white as a guest. Given that 50's style dresses are quite popular, I think short white is off limits too.

MrsMelons Tue 07-May-13 08:31:18

White with some colour added would be fine. If you were wearing a satin full length white dress with white accesories then that is different.

Brides never wear white now anyway (well I did actually but in general they rarely do)

PeneloPeePitstop Tue 07-May-13 08:34:43

I've got a white tea dress to wear to my cousin's wedding... But it does have lilac roses all over it.
Lilac shoes and bag too - would I get away with that?

TheRealFellatio Tue 07-May-13 08:39:31

Of course!

frikonastick Tue 07-May-13 08:57:41

A guest came to my wedding wearing all white. With flowers in her hair. I did notice, but wasn't bothered. Everyone else really was bothered on my behalf though! I must admit, it does look a bit weird in the photos. Hehehehehe, might just scan a couple onto Facebook grin

FeckOffCup Tue 07-May-13 09:21:33

Is it really a no-no to wear white accessories. I didn't know that, I wore a turquoise dress with white shawl and feathery hairband thing to a wedding last summer. Oops.

Lambzig Tue 07-May-13 09:46:43

My MIL made my SIL's white wedding dress. She then wore a designer floor length white evening dress which was much nicer than the dress she made her DD. she also had flowers in her hair.

It was the first time I met DH's family and I was a bit shock

ModernToss Tue 07-May-13 09:52:45

I wore a cream suit to a wedding once, but checked with the bride and the bride's DM and MIL first.

eccentrica Tue 07-May-13 09:57:58

I've just bought this for a (casual) wedding next weekend - it's not breaking the 'no white' rule is it?

eccentrica Tue 07-May-13 09:58:16
Floggingmolly Tue 07-May-13 10:02:53

That dress is gorgeous, eccentrica. I'd say it would be fine.

ephemeralfairy Tue 07-May-13 10:10:12

I would err on the side of caution and my friend's wedding a few years ago her MIL (who had form for such things) sashayed in wearing a white trouser suit and long flowing white coat. No-one knew where to look. My friend took it on the chin but was secretly a bit upset.

ephemeralfairy Tue 07-May-13 10:12:42

Having said that, what are people's thoughts on wearing black to weddings...? I'm going to a wedding and am thinking of wearing a black prom-style dress with either bright pink or bright red accessories....

Mumsyblouse Tue 07-May-13 10:13:02

Prints on a white background fine, long white bridal type dresses or head-dresses- just no, how hard is it to find something else. I once wore a white shift dress (in the days before MN) to a wedding, it wasn't at all bridal and the bride was (IYSWIM) so hopefully it didn't cause any offence, but I wouldn't now.

Viviennemary Tue 07-May-13 10:15:39

Everyone knows you don't wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride. People will think why is she wearing white when she knows it's bad form.

Viviennemary Tue 07-May-13 10:17:20

Print on white fine. Just to clarify!

FoxyRoxy Tue 07-May-13 10:18:36

Two friends wore white to my wedding, I didn't give a shit I was clearly the bride. I don't understand the fuss, tbh. They were both short dresses not long bridal looking ones! Yanbu

CelticPixie Tue 07-May-13 10:19:45

My Uncles partner turned up to a family wedding in a white suit and everyone noticed and passed comment of it. Its disrespectful and bad manners.

I'm not sure why anyone wold want to wear white anyway? I think the only time you can get away with it is when you get married!

CooEeeEldridge Tue 07-May-13 10:22:07

I've worn 3 white dresses, to several wedding. All coast, strapless, knee length with some black detailing on, non were remotely similar to a wedding dress in my opinion. Had loads of compliments including from brides, also purchased one of them with friend who was bride to wear at her wedding. I really don't think it's an issue unless it looks like an actual wedding dream.

Bertrude Tue 07-May-13 10:25:47

As the bride I didn't give a shit and I'm sure many brides don't any more. As a guest I wouldn't even if the bride said ok, because the endless mutterings from other guests would piss me off.

Although I did read coralanne 's post about someone being an excellent sewer and read it not thinking about haberdashery and a little more, erm gutter thinking grin

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 07-May-13 10:28:23

Hmm, disagree that you csn get away with wearing white is when you get married...!

White frocks can look completely fabulous, especially on certain skin tones. It would be a crime not to wear white sometimes, IMO. smile

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 07-May-13 10:29:49

Terrible typos in that post, soz.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Tue 07-May-13 13:02:27

The one time I would say it's fine is if it's a maternity outfit and the wearer has like one formal item - who would expect anyone to buy something new just for a wedding?!

But if you're buying something specially, it's a bit bizarre to insist that there absolutely isn't any other option available for you apart from wearing white.

notso Tue 07-May-13 13:27:43

Can't believe anyone cares as long as you are not wearing an actual wedding dress.
I have a friend who wore a wedding dress to her DB's wedding in protest to the fact they booked their wedding the day before hers but that's a whole other thread!

LadyHarrietdeSpook Tue 07-May-13 13:29:26

I guess your story just reinforces people's view that a person who did it might be a bit attention seeking...

ceebie Tue 07-May-13 13:31:51

The bride probably wouldn't care but other guests will always comment. At my friend's wedding, her best friend wore a white trouser suit, and I overheard other guests bitching. I really don't know why they felt the need to bitch, but there you go.

pickledginger Tue 07-May-13 13:32:20

Think of every colour you could wear. Why pick white?

Apparentlychilled Tue 07-May-13 13:34:01

Someone wore a white prom dress to our wedding (w black flowers on it). I wasn't impressed, though was too excited to get really narked about it on the day.

Apparentlychilled Tue 07-May-13 13:36:44

And btw someone wore a white dress to my DF and DSM's wedding party (small wedding abroad, huuuuge party back at home). DSM kept insisting it wasn't a wedding, just a party, and she wore a black and white cocktail dress, but I was miffed on her behalf.

Don't do it.

My cousin wore a white dress with black trim to my wedding, didn't even think about it, until years later I heard someone said its " bad form".

Still doesnt worry me, I was the one in a wedding dress at the front of the church marrying DH. Not like anyone would get confused.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. As long as you don't turn up in a full wedding dress, veil, flowers etc and try to walk down the alse, can't see it being a problem.

Tweasels Tue 07-May-13 13:43:35

I find this so very strange. I would have no problem no matter what colour anyone wore to my wedding, it's all a bit precious. i would never assume someine was out to outstage the bride, Surely no oe in real life does stuff like that. I've wore a white trouser suit to a wedding (they were fashionable at the time, honest). It didn't even enter my head that anyone would think it was odd.

What happens, if like several of my friends, you get married in red or another colour. Does that mean you CAN wear white but can't wear red or is white still unacceptable but red is fine confused

ExRatty Tue 07-May-13 13:46:28

go ahead

go the whole hog...bring your own bridesmaids, arrive in a carriage etc

you really can't find another dress for one day?

MummaBubba123 Tue 07-May-13 13:49:14

Don't do it. Whether it's inappropriate or not, you're likely to have niggling doubts and feel a tad uncomfortable about wearing it - which might spoil your evening.

DailyNameChanger Tue 07-May-13 14:11:55

Feelings seem to run high about this but best not. I saw a beach wedding in Mexico years ago and one of the guests totally outshone the bride in a gold dress and accessories. Did anyone bitch about her? No they did not. They slated a slightly tubby nondescript woman in a non wedding dress style white dress! I think some people see it as bad for and others genuinely don't know it's not the done thing.

notso Tue 07-May-13 14:24:11

I guess your story just reinforces people's view that a person who did it might be a bit attention seeking...

I think it's safe to say a wedding guest who wears a wedding dress to a wedding is more than a little attention seeking!

But really, people getting narked about someone wearing a non-wedding that is white need to get over themselves.

notso Tue 07-May-13 14:24:55

non-wedding dress that should be.

PowerPants Tue 07-May-13 21:57:14

Oh NO! I wore a cream trouser suit and cream hat to a friend's wedding once! I thought because it was a trouser suit it'd be OK! blush

I am ashamed.

Helltotheno Tue 07-May-13 22:02:38

people getting narked about someone wearing a non-wedding dress that is white need to get over themselves.

Exactly. In fact this whole BS list of wedding dos and don'ts needs to be gotten over; at this point, I've seen everything at weddings, from black to white to everything in between, and even jeans, and guess what, the sky didn't fall in. hmm

More to life...

raisah Tue 07-May-13 22:07:45

Absolutely not. Asian brides traditionally wear red & the last wedding I went to one of the guests wore a red sari. It was heavily embroidered like a bridal sari & she wore heavy makeup so lots of people tbought tbat she was the bride. Lots of people disapproved of the wannabe bride.

Pigsmummy Tue 07-May-13 22:14:33


DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 07-May-13 22:22:40

Ha, Toothpaste, I bet you're regretting starting this thread now, right? grin

EuroShaggleton Tue 07-May-13 22:46:42

I had never heard about this "rule" until a couple of years ago, and before that I had worn white to a wedding (although the dress did have a print on it, so not terribly bridal; and the bride at that wedding was a rockchick who wore purple!). My StepMIL, who I get on with very well, wore a cream dress to my wedding. I didn't care, but other people did notice and comment. And she does stand out a bit in the group photo.

2rebecca Tue 07-May-13 22:48:44

I'd run it by the bride. I didn't wear white to either of my weddings so wouldn't have minded. I wanted to be the only one in a veil though so definitely no-one else gets to have a veil and I want the biggest bouquet.

Bumbolina Tue 07-May-13 22:55:02

Just to throw this in to the discussion - my Mum was shocked that I wore green to a wedding as apparently that brings bad luck... she'd never heard of white being an issue!

thebody Tue 07-May-13 22:59:50

Definatly not op. it's very bad manners.

ToothpasteKisses Tue 07-May-13 23:24:15


Just getting your attention.

I very much forgot about this thread. Already said about a year ago I'm not going to, but will still buy the dress because I like it.

I asked. Got my answers. Realised I WBU. Changed my mind.

Odd that people are still going on about this really. Let it go confused

YABU OP, because you said "about a year ago" and made me worry I'd been suckered into posting into a zombie thread, and I scrolled all the way up to the top sad in order to find out you were just speaking metaphorically. I am now sulking, and looking for a phrase that expresses the triviality of my complaint. Middle class, first world problems doesn't even begin to cover it grin.

Thumbwitch Tue 07-May-13 23:37:11

Bumbolina - green is the colour of envy, so it's meant to be bad luck to put your bridesmaids in green because it suggests they're envious of the bride; not sure about it being bad luck for a guest to wear it though!

LittleMissLucy Wed 08-May-13 02:55:40

I think you are not supposed to wear green to a wedding, as a guest, but its archaic, and I don't know if people care so much about that one as the guest in WHITE.

Mabroon101 Wed 08-May-13 08:06:55

Oh God no. Don't. The queen wore white when Charles and Camilla got married and I've never forgiven her for it.

I doubt Camilla has either.

Trill Wed 08-May-13 08:11:49

OP - people are not "going on about it" - they are "discussing the topic you raised. Thy can do so without you if you'd rather leave.

Even if the bride doesn't mind, would you mind all of the aunties looking at you and muttering?

I went to a wedding recently where a guest wore a short white sparkly dress. The top half could have been a wedding dress. I muttered and ask my friends if they had noticed, and I am not an elderly auntie. (the woman in question had shown herself at the hen do to be rather attention-seeky)

Trill Wed 08-May-13 08:14:22

If it had been someone lovely we might have just said "oh, that's not a choice I would have made", but since we already believed her to be not-very-nice we were quietly mean. Because we are bitches.

olgaga Wed 08-May-13 08:24:47

OP, consider us all told - but surely you can allow us to talk amongst ourselves?

I saw a fantastic emerald green silk suit I wanted to get married in - all my friends were horrified!

In the end the engagement fizzled out. Five years later I met my now DH, so as far as I'm concerned green is quite lucky in relation to weddings!

I eventually got married in a long (but not full length) pale gold damask dress I found in Dorothy Perkins for £59.99.

glendatheveryexcitedwitch Wed 08-May-13 10:02:06

Big fat no I'm afraid - my wedding dress was a strapless ivory with black embroidery affair and my neighbour ( who had seen said dress) wore a strapless prom style dress in ivory with black embroidery!!! I was pissed big time and she ruined my day completely (by doing other things too)

weisswusrt Wed 08-May-13 10:22:19

If you break the 'rules' of wedding etiquette, you set yourself up to become a social pariah. I have spent many a happy hour at weddings slagging of the 'bitches' who turn up in white.

Snowflakepie Wed 08-May-13 10:24:14

Don't do it. Definitely not if there is no other colour or pattern on it.

My BILs then-girlfriend wore white to my wedding.

I drunkenly convinced another BIL to accidentally spill his beer on her, and then gushingly offered her my jeans to wear as our flat was nearby.

I hope she learned a lesson that day. She was also not BILs girlfriend for much longer. Job done.

hambo Wed 08-May-13 10:32:22

Toothpastekisses - that was my song at my wedding (toothpaste kisses)

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