to sometimes feel so suffocated by my 4yr old?

(41 Posts)
iProcrastinate Sun 05-May-13 13:31:43

I feel so bad about complaining about this! I just want to find out whether I'm the only one (and therefore a horrible mother) or whether other people feel like this sometimes!

I love my 4yr old DD to pieces and wouldn't change her for the world, but sometimes she makes me feel so suffocated and claustrophobic! I'm hiding in the loo with the laptop to write this!

She is VERY talkative - literally feels the urge to fill every second of the day with CONSTANT questions (often the same one over and over, which I answer every time until I get sick of it and tell her to stop asking the same sodding question). We've just had lunch and once she had finished hers, the dialogue went like this:

"Are you drinking your drink, Mummy?"
"Are you drinking it all?
"Is it nice?"
"Can I have it?"
"Can I have Cbeebies on?"
"I want Cbeebies on?"
"Can I have some pudding"
"Can I have it now?"
"How many sleeps till my birthday?" (it was last week)
"Is it preschool tomorrow?"
"Can I play upstairs?"
"Are you drinking your drink?"
"Are you?"
"Are you?"

I was answering - although if I paused to answer every single question then I'd probably starve to death or pass out from lack of oxygen!

Any gaps in speech were filled with "Mummy? Mummy? Mummy? Mummy?"

I DO give her a lot of 1:1 during the day, we play a lot together and do things, and she will play alone, although conversing constantly throughout.

If I sit down she will climb on my knee and put her face right into mine, if I protest or try to lift her down she clamps on koala-like. She is on my case CONSTANTLY and can be quite bossy. If she is ever in another room she will pelt me with questions at an increasing volume until I have no choice but to stop what I'm doing and go to her. Most of her questioning has no reason to it, some of the questions have no sensible answer ("Where is the cat going?") or have incredibly obvious answers that she already knows - she asked me what her name was early, just to fill a gap between breaths.

Sorry that became a rant! That feels better! I feel less like I want to scream "JUST SHUT UP!" now!

Please tell me I'm not alone!

kotinka Sun 05-May-13 13:36:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iProcrastinate Sun 05-May-13 13:41:11

Oh good! :-)

I feel so mean! I've gone from dreading her starting school (she's an only child and most likely always will be) to looking forward to her going to school!

Forgot to add, if I dare to ask her a question, I get a blank stare, ignored or "I don't know" - like:
Me: "DD, where are you shoes?"
DD: "I don't know"
Me: "They are on the floor, right infront of you"
DD: (looks directly at shoes) "Where?"
Me: (touches shoes) "There"
DD: (looks directly at shoes) "Where?"

repeat 200x

Doubtfuldaphne Sun 05-May-13 13:41:21

I wa the same as a hold, I still remember my parents telling me to be quiet. If I wasn't chatting I was humming and always felt bored even though we did lots of things to keep me occupied.
She will grow out of it!
I feel suffocated sometimes by my 12 yr old and 2 yr olds demands and lack of space and privacy. You need a break once in a while.. It will help you feel more positive about it.

You are not alone.

My 4 year old never stops making noise. If she has nothing to say she sings or hums. If I go to the toilet she has to follow. Yesterday I was in the toilet MNetting (to get 5 minutes of peace) and she was shouting up "Are you ok?" repeatedly.

She follows me everywhere. Finds it difficult to play alone. Has to be sitting on my knee. Its exhausting. I am very used to my own company and need time alone. It does get suffocating.

Doubtfuldaphne Sun 05-May-13 13:41:55

I mean 'I was the same as a child' sorry!

Your second post is also exactly like my DD OP.

thepixiefrog Sun 05-May-13 13:49:19

I can TOTALLY relate to this! I am an introvert and ds1(5) is very extroverted. He emotionally feeds off other people and requires someone to talk to ALL the time! I find it absolutely exhausting, and sometimes I really resent not having 2 seconds to myself.

I love him to bits and I'm fascinated by his personality but sometimes it's just too much.

We also have ds2(2) who is an introvert like me, and I find it so much easier to be around him. I feel a lot of guilt about that, but I know that we can't help our personalities. I try really hard with ds1 and do my best not to show any difference in my attitude towards them. I love them equally, but I am very aware that I feel much more relaxed with ds2.

Dh is an extrovert and he and ds1 revel in each others company, so I suppose it all evens out.

tulippa Sun 05-May-13 13:53:14

Sounds just like DS who is also 4. Apart from the constant questions - which he will repeat and repeat until he gets an answer - he always has be where I am. If I go upstairs to brush my teeth he's there 30 seconds later.

Sometimes I feel like shouting 'stop following me!' and then feel really mean.

I'm sure your DD will grow out of this but for now yanbu.

HotCrossPun Sun 05-May-13 13:57:20

''Where is the cat?'' grin

znaika Sun 05-May-13 13:58:20

Wow- you have just described my four yo exactly. I also seek refuge in the loo or frequently have to "take the rubbish out". I "take the rubbish out" several times a day!

DrWhoTenant Sun 05-May-13 14:03:27

my ds is exactly like this hes 7 now and still like it, he is currently being assessed for ADHD but i feel your pain!

iclaudius Sun 05-May-13 14:14:25

My ds is like this and four also
I have found him a delight but school have found him hard ( ponders if him being summer baby has made it easier for us!)
School say he is just always wittering and 'at' people . Summer is coming and he's just started to go out into the garden and play alone wittering but to himself (!) I am cultivating this to the point of delaying meals round it to try to get him better at bring happy with his own company.
I am sad that we all feel like this because essentially it's so sweet but wow it's DRAINING!!

O my goodness, OP are you me?

DD just hangs around my neck all day. If I sit down, she will sit on my knee face to face, nose touching and trying to kiss me. Sometimes I feel like she wants to climb inside of me. Does that make sense?

She NEVER plays by herself in her room. Always has to be where I am and the questions. The endless questions.

She is lovely really, very sociable and very bright. Like thepixiefrog I'm an introvert. DD is very extroverted. Yip, sweet but draining.

SuffolkNWhat Sun 05-May-13 14:27:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springdiva Sun 05-May-13 14:28:53

If this means they are extroverts can you take them to the park, or somewhere with other people about, where you can relax and they can harrass chat to someone else.

Mintyy Sun 05-May-13 14:40:20

Do these 4 year olds go to pre-school? You all deserve a break!!

Kat101 Sun 05-May-13 14:50:39

I understand the feeling that they want to get inside of you. Suffocating. Whatever I do is never enough for them. Tempting to say "look, I love you to pieces but will you please just piss off for a bit".

I went back to work which improved things x 1000. Is she in preschool? Any babysitters?

iProcrastinate Sun 05-May-13 14:56:17

The introvert/extrovert thing - it's a tricky one in our house!

I consider myself as an introverted extrovert lol - with friends/in small groups/with myself I'm quite extrovert/loud/confident, but in a large group/with new people/in the spot-light I'm VERY shy and stand-offish. DD is very similar!

DD does go to preschool 2 days a week, I miss her when she is there and look forward to collecting her but omg am pulling my hair out within 20mins of getting through the door!

DD is now having a full-blown conversation with her Furby lol

My five year old DS asks so many questions too. It's so annoying because I know he just wants to know and isn't deliberately being annoying and is just a chatty little boy, but I live for the day when I can tell him to be 'quiet now, please' and he actually listens and doesn't ask weird questions like if the dog had a past life as a person! hmm

NoSquirrels Sun 05-May-13 15:00:53

Ha! I have one of those 4 yr olds! I also have a 2 yr old, and I was thinking to myself only this morning how glad I am about the smallish age gap (not totally planned for!) because if DD was an only she would have driven me round the bend by now with the constant talking and entertaining. Tbf, she is getting better as she gets older.

However, having had the thought I then realised I have got a bit complacent and leave them to it a lot, so I got down on the floor and had a stimulating 20 minutes playing pet shops. Then I got bored.

DD1: Mummy, now you be the pet shop ballerina teacher and I will be the pupil, and you need to say "Hello, DD1, I am the ballerina teacher, who are you?" And I will say...

Me: DD. DD. DD!!!

DD: What?

Me: I don't want to play that.

DD: But why not?

Me: Because I don't want to.

DD1: Oh. OK.

And then she just did both parts herself, pretending to be the teacher and the pupil and I snuck off in relief. I think that 20 mins of playing allowed her to be OK about it and not pester when I said I'd had enough. I totally sympathise with all the introvert parents of extrovert children. It's completely exhausting yet fascinating.

DD1 loves her talking Ben. grin

CheerfulYank Sun 05-May-13 15:50:45

Ohhhhh no, you're not alone.

People think I exaggerate how much DS talks. And then they spend 3 minutes with him and are asking me if he has an off switch!

He is an only (only for a few more weeks) and is almost 6 and sometimes I think my ears go numb.

I make him go outside every day and also time playing upstairs by himself; I'd go mad if I didn't. He gets more TV time than I'd like, but he's so blissfully quiet when he's watching. blush

poozlepants Sun 05-May-13 15:57:32

I have a 4 year old DS like this. In the past couple of months we have told him nicely that he can't just talk all the time- that he needs to stop and think before wittering endlessly and we won't respond to him if he is in another room. If he wants to talk to us he has to come and say it to us personally.
It has worked to some extent. I figured he's about to go to school and the inane wittering will put other kids off. He is very quiet when at nursery in the morning so I wonder if he just saves it all up.

rainbowfeet Sun 05-May-13 15:57:58

My dd is still a bit like this at 10!!! Lol shock
I am a lone parent so it is all aimed at me.... I keep encouraging her to do a sponsored silence for charity!! But it is because she is very bright, she gets bored easily & wants to know the ins & outs of everything & what's words mean etc.. So it really is like a barrage of questions all the time!!
Roll on bedtime eh?! wink

racmun Sun 05-May-13 16:01:10

It sounds like my ds who is 2.9. I ended up in tears on Friday to the point where I cried to Dh that I can take no more.

Likewise I adore him but literally never ever getting a seconds peace is doing my head in.

Eg if we're going out he HAS to wear a coat zipped up - even if it boiling hot and literally repeats over and over and over and over and over..... Until I do it. Same as getting out the car I haven't even stopped the car when he starts going on and on a out getting out the car. You get the gist they're just a couple if examples.

I'm not allowed to sit on a chair without being climbed over etc it is exhausting

I was praying that he'd grow of it but from what you've all said I've got a while yet. Jesus help me.

He's going to Pre school 5 mornings a week in sept and I cannot wait.....

Choccyjules Sun 05-May-13 16:02:44

Another 4yr old just like that here. I always feel guilty, as I know (work with) families who would kill to hear their child say one word ever (very special children)...yet it can drive you insane.

Is it like this?

ClartyCarol Sun 05-May-13 16:14:24

We have got three DDs like this and I am like a limp dishcloth by the time they're finally in bed. I back out of their bedrooms, head going like a nodding dog, repeating, "Yes, yes ok, but it's time for sleep now," whilst they still continue to chunter at me from their beds.

I often go straight to lie on our bed in a practically meditative state, bathing in the blissful silence grin.

alienbanana Sun 05-May-13 16:16:55

Bloody hell... Do you never crack and just tell them shut up?

kotinka Sun 05-May-13 16:21:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exexpat Sun 05-May-13 16:22:47

My two were both like that, but by four were old enough to understand (when told) that mummy needed a little bit of peace and quiet sometimes. Occasionally mummy even had to develop a headache and go and have a lie down...

DD is 10 now and still needs reminding sometimes that she doesn't have to say out loud every single fleeting thought that crosses her mind.

ditsydoll Sun 05-May-13 16:28:11

Haha it's like your describing my 4yo Dd op! I'm due with dc2 in just over 2 weeks and it can be tiring (although I wouldn't change her for the world)
Sometimes I'd just like some head space to think about something... Anything really lol.

Starting to think poor dc2 will probably never get a word in edgeways!

snotfunny Sun 05-May-13 16:33:30

I have a 4yr old DSS. I find I sometimes have to go upstairs and leave him to his Dad because he doesn't draw breath for hours at a time. It doesn't help that, although I get on ok with his mother, She can be very bossy and stubborn and, quite often, when DSS is wittering on, it's her voice I can hear. He tells me what to do endlessly. When I'm driving him around I'm going the wrong way, I should be taking a short cut, why have we stopped? Why aren't we moving? Where are we now? Can't you go faster? My Mummy doesn't drive this way...


NumTumDeDum Sun 05-May-13 16:34:45

Ha my dd (4) is also like this. I can just about cope with the incessant pestering, chattering, humming and tuneless singing. It's the constant interruptions if I dare to attempt a conversation with an adult that I can't stand. I am firmly convinced she thinks I invite my friends over for her to chat to and not the other way around. I also can't stand her yelling to me from wherever she is in the house. I never got away with or did this. I asked my dad about it and he just said he had a zero tolerance policy. I think I'd rather parent my way than his way as I remember being a bit scared of his temper. I guess I'll just have to give the 123, naughty step routine a bit more use and be more consistent.

EmmaBemma Sun 05-May-13 16:36:13

"I consider myself as an introverted extrovert lol "

As an aside, I've been reading about this recently because I'm a bit like you. Apparently it's a myth that introverts are shy and retiring and that. I thought there's no way I'm an introvert because I'm quite chatty and outgoing and enjoy company - but I find it draining as well: being around people takes up a lot of energy and I need to recharge on my own afterwards. Anyway, as you were - just thought it was interesting!

SuffolkNWhat Sun 05-May-13 16:41:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JulieCarp Sun 05-May-13 21:08:27

Children dont implode if you tell them that:
"No dont stand on me it hurts"
"I am tired - its quiet time now"
Teaching your child about social boundaries is good and a positive thing, why anyone would allow a 4 year old to dictate to them is beyond me.
It is ok to say No to your children Really, they will be ok

JulieCarp Sun 05-May-13 21:10:37

No doubt this wil be a terrible thing to actually come out wiith and I will be hounded off the thread ...

FreudiansSlipper Sun 05-May-13 21:18:07

ds is like this he is 5

he comes into my room in the morning and it starts the questions followed by a lecture and a question and answer session that lasts all day. I do tell him to let me have some quiet time does not last long and it is just me and ds

He caught me mumbling to myself please do shut up blush of course he asked questions about this I lied and told him i was talking to the cat

i had his friends round today and they are the same it was exhausting I am already in bed

thepixiefrog Sun 05-May-13 22:05:29

JulieCarp, I think most of the people on this thread are capable of, and probably do, say no as and when the situation requires.

Some children are just not great 'self starters' and will always look to someone else as a source of entertainment/stimulation, and it has nothing to do with the style of parenting. Saying 'no' cannot change a child's personality.

I agree whole heartedly that boundaries are vital, and nowhere on this thread has anyone indicated that they believe otherwise. Your assumptions are puzzling.

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