to ask for a definition of load parenting, I am afraid I may be guilty of it.

(56 Posts)
honeytea Sun 05-May-13 09:49:24

Newish to motherhood (ds 4.5 months) I was wondering what load parenting means.

I sing lots to ds because sometimes it is the only way to avoid him screaming I chat to him lots and as a last ditch resort I have an app on my phone that plays classical music which always stops ds crying when we are out shopping.

All of these are load activities, does that mean I am load parenting and if so is it a terrible thing to do?

Never heard of it hmm

everlong Sun 05-May-13 09:51:21

Never heard of it. Sorry.

Will google.

BruthasTortoise Sun 05-May-13 09:51:58

Loud parenting, by any chance?

do you mean LOUD ?

x post with Bruthas

Oh! Yes, did you mean loud?? Regardless, if your baby's happy, who cares? loud, load, what ever works!

Flobbadobs Sun 05-May-13 09:57:00

What you're doing sounds fine, babies love being talked to and sung to and if cassical music soothes him then use it!

squidgeberry Sun 05-May-13 09:57:40

Singing and chatting to your child is normal. Loud parenting as I understand it is a kind of boasting?

I.e. When in the park pointing out ducks to dd1 aged 2, another mum with similar aged ds says loudly "look Tarquin there's a Muscovy! Can you say Muscovy?" hmm

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sun 05-May-13 09:58:54

If you mean loud then i guess. It never bothers mean when its being done for babies benefit like you seem to.

I hate situations such as this in libary the other day. Mother with 2/3 year old "what book do you want harry, this one, oh no,it only goes up to ten, thats far to easy for you" <mother looks round smugly> <i kill self>

ivanapoo Sun 05-May-13 09:59:28

I don't think that is loud parenting really. You're meant to talk and sing to little babies to help their speech development. I do it too in public places

everlong Sun 05-May-13 10:00:34

Ok so you might mean loud parenting.

LP is imo is when someone interacts with their child in a very detailed manner, explaining everything, but in a LOUD voice so the whole shop, cafe, train whatever can here. aggravating

What you're doing isn't LP. Don't worry.

BedHog Sun 05-May-13 10:01:03

Isn't loud parenting done for the 'benefit' of other parents though? Not sure if it counts if done in the privacy of your own home.

I thought it involved lots of stealth boasting 'Yes, you do like aubergine Ptolemy darling, remember we had it on holiday in Tuscany in february'. Or 'Yes, well done, that sign does say restaurant, how clever of you to know that Hermione' when one year old Hermione has pointed to the sign and squealed because there was a pigeon sat on top of it.

Nanny0gg Sun 05-May-13 10:01:47

I do draw the line at singing Wheels on the Bus at the restaurant table to entertain small DCs, as I have witnessed in the past.
Family restaurant or not.

<shudder>

everlong Sun 05-May-13 10:01:52

Over use of the word is, sorry.

yaimee Sun 05-May-13 10:03:37

grin excellent examples bed

BruthasTortoise Sun 05-May-13 10:04:19

I wish I could do a bit of loud parenting especially the singing bit. Unfortunately my 2 year old tells me to shush every time I try to sing to him, the baby loves it though smile. Admittedly, I may sound like a cat being strangled...

honeytea Sun 05-May-13 10:15:32

Yes loud, sorry I'm dyslexic so rubbish at spelling! I'm glad to hear I'm not yet guilty of loud parenting. I guess a screaming baby is louder than me singing (badly.)

Thank you for the information smile

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 05-May-13 10:25:37

Yep, loud parenting is solely for the benefit of the audience not the child.

H's parents still loud-parent him. He's 43 ffs.

I used to visibly shrink every time they did it.

Cloverer Sun 05-May-13 10:31:33

Oh LOOK darling, they have hummus! You like hummus don't you darling? Like we made from scratch at home?
Do you remember what the main ingredient of hummus is? Darling? Answer mummy darling!
That's right CHICKPEAS
And what sound does chickpeas start with darling?
That's right CH, CH darling! Aren't you getting the hang of phonics and you're only just 2!
etc etc.

5318008 Sun 05-May-13 10:34:01

hahaha Cloverer, nail/head

LeaveTheBarSteward Sun 05-May-13 10:35:17

Loud parenting is usually boasting but I also found parents who speak very loudly to their dc's just as annoying.
I know their dc's don't have hearing problems, they just choose to speak loudly all the time. V v annoying.

Arisbottle Sun 05-May-13 10:35:21

I loud parent because there are four of the buggers and I have a voice like a foghorn.

JerseySpud Sun 05-May-13 10:36:40

Oh THATS what its called! I knew several mums that did this, one being my ex sil and its annoying as hell

threebt Sun 05-May-13 10:39:31

I got all excited thinking you'd discovered a new style of parenting that I could be judgemental about. And I was also concerned because I sing and chat to my son all the time.

I wonder what 'load parenting' ought to be? Is it people who make their children carry stuff? Or parents who burden their children with adult problems? Or parents who try too hard to be perfect and collapse from exhaustion.

Eskino Sun 05-May-13 10:54:26

I heard cracking loud parenting yesterday

"It's not bread, its BAGUETTE. Isn't it?"

"You can say BAGUETTE, can't you?"

"It's FRENCH, isn't it?"

"You can speak FRENCH, CAN'T YOU?"

"CAN'T YOU, *TARQUIN?"

(*obviously not his real name)

TARQUIN by this time was crawling under the sofa in the hairdressers on the hunt for dropped soggy hair covered BAGUETTE grin

Wouldntyouliketoknow Sun 05-May-13 10:57:04

I think some people are getting a bit confused - loud parenting doesn't refer to actually being loud i.e. singing/shouting at your children in public. It's about stealth boasting, i.e. making sure everyone around you knows how clever/advanced/middle class your child is, like the examples given by Cloverer!

honeytea Sun 05-May-13 10:58:52

I think load parenting could be carrying unnecessary objects like a 17 different types of vegetable in little pots incase the child fancied some asparagus rather than carrot sticks. Or maybe parents who use slings for an extended amount of time.

lougle Sun 05-May-13 11:00:54

Yes, loud parenting isn't about what you are saying, but why you are saying it.

For example, a mother talking to her 5 year old:

"I'm so sorry, Sebastian. We can't possibly fit in a play date with Arthur this week because Mummy is still catching up with the washing from our short break in Italy over the weekend, you have your fencing club today and then, of course, you are competing at the chess championship on Wednesday."

Arisbottle Sun 05-May-13 11:12:40

I don't stealth boast, there would be little point, no one would be impressed. I am a loud gobby shite though

Arisbottle Sun 05-May-13 11:13:48

One of my children does go fencing though and is the school chess champion.

TSSDNCOP Sun 05-May-13 11:18:05

Loud parenting always done for the benefit of the audience.

Loud parent "Look Crispin, that sign is in French shall we translate it together" when there's a sign written in English directly beneath.

Arisbottle Sun 05-May-13 11:22:17

But maybe they have been learning French and they like having a go at translating. My eldes son is maths mad, we spent years doing sums in the supermarket, on the train etc. I had to do that out loud because he cannot mind read, Apparantly that coupled with my foghorn voice makes me a twat.

catgirl1976 Sun 05-May-13 11:26:07

1. Talking and singing to your child (even if audible to others) is just parenting

E.g. "Look Alfie. A green frog! Frogs say 'ribbitt"

Perfectly fine.

2. Talking to your child with the sole purpose of letting others know how amazing you / your offspring / your lifestyle is is ^loud parenting^>

E.g. "Look Alfie. A green frog. It's the exact green of Farrow and Ball paint in the kitchen of our second home in Tuscany. You eat frogs don't you? When we were in Monaco you ate frogs legs with an organic aioli and a pomegranate jus. You can say frog in 7 languages can't you Alfie? Tell mummy, what is frog in French?"

Loud parenting and fecking annoying.

Wuldric Sun 05-May-13 11:26:12

I am enjoying the thought of load parenting. So much so that I insisted DS carry the basket in Sainsbury's yesterday. I felt it was his turn to carry the load. He is a big strapping boy of 13 and the load was not too heavy.

TSSDNCOP Sun 05-May-13 11:33:50

Well if the beret fits Arisbottle grin

Merrin Sun 05-May-13 11:36:40

I am a loud parent sad I get insecure, loud parent Tarquina until she counts to three in Japanese, feel a temporary satisfaction at other parents unenthusiastic responses then feel low self esteem because of my need to loud parent. Its a vicious cycle. grin

Viviennemary Sun 05-May-13 11:40:07

Never heard of load parenting.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 05-May-13 11:42:38

Aris have you tried maybe not talking in a foghorn voice?

I get that you need to be loud if you're corralling several children at once but unless your child has hearing issues can you not just converse at normal volume when it's one on one?

I know you're not playing for the audience so to speak so technically don't fit the "loud parenting" profile but if you are aware your voice is very loud why not just talk more quietly?

Dawndonna Sun 05-May-13 11:48:51

Crispin is my brother's name. As somebody on here will vouch, he's known as Cris or Crispy! I strongly suspect the she witch from hell known as our mother spent the late fifties and early sixties loud parenting, in fact she may well have been the start of it! blush

It depends OP. If you're walking along asking your child if they'd prefer Bach or Beethoven, then you may be guilty of loud parenting!

Otherwise, you sound fine.

OhGood Sun 05-May-13 11:56:41

Oh god, I sometimes catch myself.

NOT I assure you doing the Tarquin / Tuscany / 'That's right darling she looks JUST like the lady in the picture by Vermeer'-type.

More the 'Do you want a red one or a green one? Angel? A red one or a green one? A RED ONE OR A GREEN ONE?' in growing volume and level of impatience.

In my defence DD is pretty speedy, and I can't always be bothered to run her to ground to talk to her.

Mnetter111 Sun 05-May-13 12:03:12

I've often worried I am this parent but now reassured as it seems to be different. i do sing to dd (now 2.5) a lot as she loves it and joins in but I am aware that a) I can't really sing at all and b) at some point she's going to realize her mum is odd as singing and sometimes a little dance in public is not really normal...smile

MsJupiterJones Sun 05-May-13 12:24:29

Love the loud (and load) parenting descriptions.

But NannyOgg sometimes singing Wheels on the Bus (with actions) is the only way to prevent delay certain meltdown which would surely be far more annoying?

I sing and talk to DS almost constantly, he's only 6mo so he can't answer. I can't seem to help it but it's definitely not for the benefit of passing strangers. It's more embarrassing when I realise I'm actually out alone.

Arisbottle Sun 05-May-13 12:35:15

Randall I just have one of those voice that carries and I suspect I am very common, but now that you have suggested lowering my voice I wil try it.

Arisbottle Sun 05-May-13 12:38:50

I think it sounds worse because I live somewhere quite posh ( by my standards) and yet have retained my accent from my childhood, so even if I did not have a voice that carries I would stand out.

lougle Sun 05-May-13 12:54:58

Aristotle, the key is, does everyone know that your DS does fencing and is the chess champion because 'word has got around' or because you've made damn well sure they know by announcing it at every opportunity by 'talking' with your DS in front of people?

grin

I loud parent. Deliberately. DD1 has SN, but her SN are not physical. She can seem like a tantrumming toddler (at the age of 7 hmm). If we are somewhere very public and she goes into meltdown, I will say something to her that is very specifically worded, to let people around me wind their necks in know that there is a reason for her behaviour.

Something like:

'DD1, stop that now. You've done really well to cope with x, but we can't get back the car any faster just because you've had enough. Needing extra help isn't an excuse for screaming.'

Code for: 'Yes she's big. Yes she's in a buggy. She's got SN. Yes she's screaming. She's had enough. Yes, I'm taking her home now. No, I'm not oblivious to it.'

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 05-May-13 13:13:33

Ah, if they've got regional accent snobbery then fuck 'em!
Shout as much as possible, snobs are way worse than shouters grin

WafflyVersatile Sun 05-May-13 13:29:44

I fell backwards off the door step and bashed the back of my head trying to help by carrying two shopping bags from the car into the house when I was 4.

Load parenting is bad m'kay?

WaitingForMe Sun 05-May-13 13:43:45

Surely it's a sliding scale Waffly? Ok so I'm a bit defensive because I load parent sad

It all began when I had PGP when pregnant with DS and made my DSSs take it in turns to carry the bag to the park. Most recently I asked DM to buy them bags for their Birthdays and they'll only be allowed to take on holiday the toys that they can physically carry.

Yet another patenting crime I'm guilty of. Will it ever end? confused

DogsAreEasierThanChildren Sun 05-May-13 13:44:44

Is it always showing off or is some of it thinking out loud so you don't chew your own arm off with boredom/at saying the same things over again? Someone up thread has an example about ducks: I was at the park this morning with DS, looking at a pair of very exotic ducks. I said something like, "Oh look at those funny ducks, I think they might be mandarin ducks", which might have sounded like pretentious parenting to some people. But I can't bear to converse all the time on the "Look! Ducks!" level. Talking slightly above DS's level keeps my brain if not engaged at least somewhere in the neighbourhood.

(DS looked and said "Chickens!" enthusiastically, so I've clearly got some way to go on the Loud Parenting front.)

WafflyVersatile Sun 05-May-13 13:46:05

You could at least get them ergonomic rucksacks or trunkis.

Bad mother, WFM. Bad mother. sad

What's "loud parenting" when you do it quietly?

DD (2.3) is very inquisitive, and it's not enough that it's a bird, flower, whatever... she wants to know what one. So I am one of those parents that will say "Look, it's a daffodil/blackbird/etc." and ask her if she can say it. But I don't do it at full volume.

WafflyVersatile Sun 05-May-13 13:47:20

Chickens is a good effort.

It's not just the noise level though; it's the way they make sure to look around smugly in order to make sure you've heard them. To see them in their natural habitat go to somewhere like Barefoot Books in Oxford on a Saturday. It's cringeworthy. I had no idea what a fucking Babyccino was but I can tell you that Jasper (real name) adores them. Not likes. Adores. Pshht.

Kafri Sun 05-May-13 17:21:06

this whole thread has made me giggle.

loved some of the examples but the best bit was the names. only because DH was originally supposed to be a Tarquin. thankfully he didnt become a Tarquin but that was the name MIL had chosen. he is soooo not a Tarquin.grin

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