Football match or family holiday??

(255 Posts)
helsbels03 Sun 05-May-13 08:28:53

AIBU - dh's football team just got into the play offs to move into the premiership. If they get through the semi 's then the final will be the day after we go on holiday to Tunisia. He has just asked I would mind if he flew out 2 days later as he wants to see his team at wembly. I am vv annoyed and upset he would rather watch football than go on holiday with us, we are only going for a week so he would be leaving me 3 young dc and my elderly mum for almost half of the holiday. Please give me some perspective on this- am I over reacting?

WTF? He is being totally and completely unreasonable.
I bet the hotel in Tunisia will have the match on Sky anyway.

Callisto Sun 05-May-13 08:31:25

He is clearly an idiot and YANBU at all.

LIZS Sun 05-May-13 08:32:03

yanbu. If he were a player then it might be more of a dilemma.

I can see both sides on this, I'd be gutted to miss a match like this, but the holiday should come first.

HollyBerryBush Sun 05-May-13 08:33:07

As I live in a sports dominated household, I see both sides of this.

Compromise, google, find a bar locally that has sky and he can watch the match there.

DH woudlnt ask to gip on a family holiday - but I'd probably understand if he did.

I can see why he wants to be with his mates, especially if he supported one of those little teams where this a once in a life timething, rather than an every other season thing (uppy, downy).

But fact of the matter, family is real life, football is a hobby. He should know the difference by now.

Numberlock Sun 05-May-13 08:34:35

Tell him not to bother coming at all. How much extra is it going to cost anyway? (I presume you're just going for one week?)

Yet another reason I'm glad I'm single and don't come second to football.

Is this type of behaviour usual or a one-off?

scarlettsmummy2 Sun 05-May-13 08:34:44

I thought you meant he was a player!

WiseKneeHair Sun 05-May-13 08:34:56

My DH's club also, somewhat unexpectedly, got into the play offs (Leicester?). If its the same team, I wouldn't worry too much as they are unlikely to win the first round. If they do, tell him he's a dick and its just not going to happen.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 08:35:06

YANBU

We are a big football family but I would be livid if DH put a football match over family holiday, unless it was maybe, maybe a cup final. There are always so many up and coming football matches to watch, even though this is an important one (is it CP), and family holidays are a rarity.

HollyBerryBush Sun 05-May-13 08:36:34

But its Wemb-er-ly innit?

>much eye rolling<

CSIJanner Sun 05-May-13 08:37:48

Give us the name f the team, and the power of mumsnet will probably find names of bars, time and probably the cost of their fish and chips for the homesick

helsbels03 Sun 05-May-13 08:39:26

Hi - yes wisekneehair it is Leicester so doesn't happen that often. I am now thinking I might ask me sister to come instead and we will have a great time. It will not be forgotten tho !

waikikamookau Sun 05-May-13 08:44:10

whats wrong with watching it on the telly?
does he often go to matches?

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 05-May-13 08:46:26

How often do Leicester get to Wembley? (That was a rhetorical question. I know the answer -since MO'N left, not very often). Is your DH a season ticket holder? Does he go to away games? If the answer is yes, then I think you should let him go to Wembley. If the answer is no, then he should just watch it on the Internet (I'm far from convinced you'd get the play-offs on Telly in Tunisia). I think it all comes down to his usual level of commitment. Obviously you will be looking for some quid pro quo treat in return (because apart from the faff for you, it won't be cheap for him to go to Wembley).

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 05-May-13 08:47:45

hels If he's a proper fan - season ticket holder, away matches etc - it won't be forgotten if you don't let him go to Wembley. Your choice, but he won't see it your way.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 08:54:19

YANBU, it doesn't matter what it is he is being a complete twit. DH has never threatened not to go on holiday, but once there was talk of leaving me at a French airport at arrival to sort out baggage, car hire and drive to location ( hate driving abroad) whilst he sprinted off to watch the footie. Thankfully it was on at a different time, so it didn't happen, but I'm not sure what my reaction would have been.

Good idea about your sister and would be nice for your Mum as well. Check how much it costs to get it changed over to her, much better than having him arrive half way through and then thinking he has a right to be all grumpy if they don't win.

WiseKneeHair Sun 05-May-13 08:54:28

Ah, then I don't think you need to worry. I don't think they have a cat in hells chance of beating Watford.

Yes. if this was my team I may have floated the idea but still gone ahead with the holiday. It is unlikely to be on TV over there, even if it is no one will be watching, and it is the whole experience, I've been supporting my team with the same bunch of friends for 25 years, they are league strugglers who very unexpectedly got to Wembley (FA Cup) a few years ago, it was amazing. I wouldn't sacrifice a family holiday for it but would privately be pretty fed up about it.

MortifiedAdams Sun 05-May-13 08:57:11

Ohhhhh......I thought he was in the team in which case id say YABa little U. However if he is just spectating - He is BVVVU. Tell him he comes the whole.week or.not at all.

Ive been to Tunisia and im sure they only fly twice a week so do the flights even allow him to do what he is suggesting?

ssd Sun 05-May-13 08:58:54

OFGS let him go, I know its daft and he shouldnt even ask, but its not the end of the world for you, is it?

so he flies out to join you 2 days later, I mean is that the end of the world for you, coping on your own for 2 days?

bet if it was you wanting to do it he'd be fine with it

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 09:00:58

I think that's a bit harsh ssd.

For us family holidays are very precious, we both work and at home there are multiple distractions so holidays are the one time that we all recharge our batteries together.

I would feel very disappointed if DH decided to prioritise the performance of a football team over that time, but the OP is more gracious than me and has already thought of a good alternative plan.

sooperdooper Sun 05-May-13 09:01:37

There'll be some way of watching it over there, he's being ridiculous

Goldmandra Sun 05-May-13 09:02:42

He needs to get a grip. It isn't his team. It's a bunch of people he doesn't even know playing a game that he could watch on TV.

He has a family who know he exists and would like to share a holiday with him. In what universe is a bunch of strangers running around a field more important?

waikikamookau Sun 05-May-13 09:03:00

I agree with SSD.
you never know op you might enjoy those first 2 days more, grin

Rosa Sun 05-May-13 09:03:52

Book your sister anyway , cancel his booking . Before the football matches - so he has made his choice. Then if they loose he has to stay at home. Might help him be a bit more reasonable and possibly put his family first.

HollyBerryBush Sun 05-May-13 09:04:26

In what universe is a bunch of strangers running around a field more important?

>laughing<

Bill Shankley - Football isn't a matter of life or death, it's much more important than that!

StuntGirl Sun 05-May-13 09:04:45

He is BVU. I'd tell him the holiday is booked and paid for and you don't want to be left alone with the kids for half it, you appreciate the timing sucks but it just isn't going to work.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 09:05:51

Oh for goodness sake, the OP has said she has 3 young children and an Elderly Mother. Even physically getting them into the transfer coach will be a challenge.
Do people really think that it's going to be in anyway enjoyable trying to make sure that 3 small children manage not to drown in the hotel pool singlehandedly whilst trying to make sure an old lady doesn't overheat and has a good holiday?

ssd Sun 05-May-13 09:06:44

I guess this comes from the perspective of me having a football mad family

if they wanted to go I'd say fine, be a bit annoyed probably but see it as just part of life

Another vote for taking your sister...much more fun and she can spend time with your DMum as well.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 09:07:36

Agree with Rosa - he has shown you what his priorities are, get your sister on the booking that way you aren't dependant on his whims.

Also I can imagine what he'll be like if they get there and lose all sad and feeling sorry for himself after leaving you to cope on your own for 3 days (which it will be by the time he gets there), plus ridiculously expensive to go for half a week as presumably no charter flights.

ShellyBoobs Sun 05-May-13 09:10:26

If he's a proper fan - season ticket holder, away matches etc - it won't be forgotten if you don't let him go to Wembley. Your choice, but he won't see it your way.

I agree with Russians on this. It's hard to understand to non-supporters but it's a massive thing for a true fan. I'm not saying OP should be happy with it but it's possibly a bigger thing to her DH than she realises.

Are you serious, MortifiedAdams ? If he was a player you would think OP was only a little unreasonable to want to stop him playing in the biggest national league game in the world? It's worth over £100m to the winning club.

shock

Agree with others, get your sister on the booking now and take him off before the matches.

Him joining you halfway through is the worst of all options I think.

Chesntoots Sun 05-May-13 09:11:35

Another vote for taking your sister and leaving the selfish twat at home.
So glad I have never gone out with someone interested in football.

ssd Sun 05-May-13 09:13:16

really op, it will come down to what your dh wants

my dh is completely football mad, when the dc's were young he had the chance of a dream one in a million ticket to see his team in the champions league final abroad, everyone he knew was desperate to get a ticket

..he gave his up as he knew the cost of him flying there would have been the same as the cost of the weeks holiday we had in a caravan that year

but it was his choice, I would have let him go but he choose to put us first....you'll have to hope your dh does similiar

ssd Sun 05-May-13 09:15:09

chesntoots, theres worse things in the world than brilliant husbands and dads who love football, I should know I have one

DowntonTrout Sun 05-May-13 09:16:22

Sorry. My DH has form for this kind of thing. He has flown back early because he has tickets for Lords, come out late because of a golf a golf thing and even flown home for a couple of days in the middle, then flown back.

It bothered me at first. I never said no, sport is his thing. Sometimes I have been cross for about 5 minutes, but really it makes little difference to be honest. However, my DCs are not little anymore, we have lots of holidays and most years I spend 4 or 5 weeks in the summer abroad, with him flying back and forth for business, so I'm used to it. If it is your one holiday a year I can see why it's a big deal.

It may not happen anyway if they don't get through the first round, but if it's his once in a lifetime (maybe?) chance to see his team play at Wembly-,well that's quite a big deal if his a big fan. You have to weigh up who would be more resentful over it- him missing the game or him missing part of the holiday. Also can you afford the extra flight to get him out, plus if you are on a package holiday you need to check that the return flight is still valid if he does not use the outward portion.

RedHelenB Sun 05-May-13 09:21:01

I'm with him - glad i saw my team at Wembley & probably won't do again. Holidays happen way more often!

Coconutty Sun 05-May-13 09:23:27

I would change the holiday to a few days later so you can go together, this may be a once in a lifetime thing for him to do!

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 09:24:20

But SSD whilst it would have been expensive for your DH to go, it wasn't at the expense of a family holiday that has already been booked.

OP has not said she resents the expense, it is the fact that he is prioritising football over an already organised family event that is the problem.

If England were to get into the World Cup Finals hmm I would understand why DH wanted to go and I would understand that some of the family budget would need to support that, but I would think less of him if he decided that he could not attend half of a family holiday as a result. I would consider him a fool if he came up with some half arsed nonsense about flying in half way as presumably he hasn't even checked if that is possible or how much it would cost.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 09:25:06

Coconutty it is usually impossible to change dates of holidays once they are booked.

Buzzardbird Sun 05-May-13 09:28:23

Look on the bright side, that is one less football shirt for people to endure in Tunisia!

FarBetterNow Sun 05-May-13 09:30:21

My DB was football mad. His DW & DCs always came second.
He missed most of her familly's weddings to go to the match.

Take your sister.

Give him a list of decorating to do whilst you are away.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 09:31:26

"Compromise, google, find a bar locally that has sky and he can watch the match there"

There speaks a person who isn't a serious football fan. There's no comparison between watching the match on TV (especially not in the team's locality) and being at Wembley, none at all.

There's far, far to much talk of "letting" him go. Let him? hmm Since when did adults have to get permission to go anywhere? I'd love to see the reaction if a woman posted her about her husband "letting" her go somewhere!

I'm very biased as a football fan myself so obviously I'm going to say that if Leicester get to Wembley it'll be a chance of a lifetime and in his shoes wild horses wouldn't stop me from going. I certainly wouldn't be asking or waiting for someone to "let" me go. I'm also a good enough fan to know that the chances of Leicester making it are slim. grin

Far more importantly I'm of a sufficiently independent spirit to think that if he wants to go he should and that it's not beyond the wit of the average able bodied person to travel and be alone on holiday for a couple of days with three young children and an elderly lady - or for that person to keep in mind that she will have a favour up her sleeve that she can call in when she wants to go somewhere.

But, helsbels03, few on here will see it like that, not because I've said anything outrageous but because here on MN there's a groundswell of posters of a certain type who feel it's their duty to look down on anything to do with football and regard it with disdain and the fans and players as if they're thugs and Neanderthals with a collective IQ of 5, which says more about those individuals than it does about the sport or the majority of its fans. wink

Coconutty Sun 05-May-13 09:33:26

No it's not, I used to be a travel agent and we changed dates all the time, for a small admin fee unless the new dates are more expensive then it's free.

Unless she's going with Easy jet or Ryan air. Then she's stuck with the dates she booked.

Yonionekanobe Sun 05-May-13 09:35:38

DH is a huge fan if his football club, season ticket holder, travels to mist away games and also quite involved in the running if the club as FIL is on the board. BUT he wouldn't do this in a million years. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If you can transfer the ticket to your sister is go for it and have a ball!

notapizzaeater Sun 05-May-13 09:40:54

Personally I'd let be pushing for him to go - can you imagine how he'd be if he didn't. Do you really want to be on holiday with 3 kids, mum and a sulking husband.

This way win or loose he should be over it ready to have a good holiday.

It's not just the holiday he'd resent - all his friends talking about it for years etc ....

Hmm tricky one for me as we are football mad in this house. If we could afford it I would let him go.

Dh managed to get hold of tickets for the fa cup semis this year for ds and himself. We didn't think we had a prayer of final tickets. But Wigan haven't sold all theirs and the supporters club offered him some. He sheepishly came to me with a pained 'what do I do? Two wembley trips will cost more than our holiday'

I told him to go for it. Ds is 7 and this stuff is what 7 (and 41!) year old dreams are made of in a supporters household.

But you are talking someone who handed over every penny she had in the world (£125 grin) in Maine road car park un 1999 to get to the division 2 play off final. And it is still one of the best days of my life!

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 09:43:59

Sorry coconutty I stand corrected. That sounds like a good option then. Mind you if I was the OP I think I'd rather go with the sister now.

Geezer I have nothing against football. I don't think it's football that's the problem. I'm sure people would have the same reaction if it was cricket or tennis. It's the prioritisation of a game over the family.

I am perfectly capable of looking after DS on my own, but I would be bitterly disappointed in DH if he chose to go to a football match rather than with his family as the chances are there isn't going to be a time when I'd rather be off doing something else rather than being with my family.

In fact I have an example, my nephew is getting married in New York in October. I would love to go and catch up with my extended family. However it coincides with half term and we always go away somewhere warm. Therefore I have decided not to go to the wedding although technically I could just about do it and then get a flight a few days later to our holiday.

Not quite the same as a "once in a lifetime" football match but still people put their family spending time together above things all the time.

Fucking ridiculous.

Unless he's playing in the match he is being totally U!

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 09:53:18

theoriginalandbestrookie, you might not have anything against football. I never said you did grin but it's abundantly clear on MN that the mere mention of the game turns some posters into nasty snobs who would be less black and white on this if the subject was tennis.

Equally you might put spending family time together above everything else all the time but not everyone does. My comments aren't personal, they're a general observation.

Where I am being personal is speaking as a football fan of course. A holiday can be taken next year, one to one with the kids or wife next week - but Leicester with a chance of going to Wembley? Trust me, it'll be a long time before it happens again!

Personally, I'm handing the business, kids, pets and everything else over very soon and am off to watch a very important match. As I said, wild horses etc etc. grin

MummytoKatie Sun 05-May-13 09:54:08

The problem is not the fact that it is football. It is the fact that the dh has made a commitment to do something and now wants to break it leaving the Op with a situation that she wouldn't have chosen.

waikikamookau Sun 05-May-13 10:06:43

had a thought - can you all go, to Wembley, and delay your holiday? do you ever all go to matches,
should be a good atmosphere.

helsbels03 Sun 05-May-13 10:08:07

It's not the cost, or the fact that its football, and I am sure we will all be fine without him, it's the fact that he is not putting his family, and by that I mean his children first. How do I explain to do 6yrs,4yrs and2yrs why he's not coming-it will be another,Daddy has to work type excuse. If it was just the 2 of us it would be fine. Think I will phone the travel agents later-he def has to decide before the semi, and then if they don't get through then he will have missed the hol for nothing and he can decorate instead wink

sarahtigh Sun 05-May-13 10:14:11

you need to find out cost of

a) name changing if your sister goes instead
b.) DH flying out later will need a return ticket as with many airlines if you do not use the outward portion return is automatically cancelled

the later you leave it the more it will cost and the harder it will be to change

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 10:16:45

That seems like a fair bargain, helsbels03. I'd take the chance of having to decorate if I were your husband, as much as I hate the task.

TBH, the children will probably be so excited that they're going on a plane, going on holiday, being with grandma etc that they won't fuss that their father's not with them for the first couple of days. And, as you've said, the rest of it isn't a problem, you'll be fine without him for those 2 or 3 days, it isn't a money issue so there's no need to stress, you have it sorted.

Sometimes, when it's important to you even though others just don't "get" what it means to you, and as long as the family is not going hungry/uncared for/hurt, it's ok to put something else first, as long as you don't do it all the time (and let's face it, Leicester City aren't going to give him that option, are they? grin ). It's not personal, it's not that he doesn't love you I'm sure, it's just that once in a while it's human to want to let the prospect of harmless euphoria take over. smile

Triumphoveradversity Sun 05-May-13 10:35:05

I would understand DH my DH wanting to do this, I would et him bu he would be paying big time.

DowntonTrout Sun 05-May-13 10:42:56

Why would you have to make an excuse for him though.? Surely if you explain it as it is, once in a lifetime chance, daddy's really excited, he'll join us in a couple of days, the DCs will accept it for what it is? Isn't making it into something you have to make an excuse about turning it into more of a problem? And telling them it's work surely passes on the same message you are worried about- that he's putting something else before them? They will take their cue from you.

And is he putting it before family time or has he just posed the possibility of what happens if they reach the final and he would like to go? It may not happen. Is he a great dad generally? Do you always do everything as a family unit or does he do things with them without you. How elderly is your mother? Does she need looking after or will she help with the DCs? These are all things to take into account.

nannyof3 Sun 05-May-13 10:43:40

My 'd' p would do this too ....

Completely out of order...

I would tell him if he was doing this then he needs to pay for someone else to go on holiday with u to help out...
What if one of the children or ur mum was to end up in hospital? Ur be stuck....

Plus.. He might not be able to get a flight two days later... Also he cant possibly be guaranteed a ticket at Wembley!!!!

ShellyBoobs Sun 05-May-13 10:48:37

If England were to get into the World Cup Finals I would understand why DH wanted to go...

But a World Cup final would be minor and insignificant compared to the Championship play-off final, for fans of the clubs involved.

You just can't compare the two.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 10:53:47

A season ticket holder to Leicester City has a pretty much guaranteed chance of a ticket to Wembley, nannyof3. It has a capacity of 90,000 more than all of LCFC's fanbase in total! As for the what if's - what if the sky fell in and the Uk was overtaken by martians? You can what if all day long, that's just silly.

I see that triumphoveradversity is another of those who would "let" an adult carry out a perfectly legitimate hobby. hmm

Shakes head at the number of people who will or won't let other adults do things.

badguider Sun 05-May-13 10:55:16

For us, the whole point of a family holiday is spending time together for a week, something which doesn't happen normally. We don't often go abroad but do sometimes, but wherever we are the point is not sunshine or swimming pools but time together.
There would be NO option for either of us to opt out of half of it.

The only option would be to cancel and move the week entirely. I guess we'd look into what that would cost and make the decision based on that. It would have to be one hell of a football match to make cancelling and rescheduling worth the cost!!

CelticPixie Sun 05-May-13 10:55:18

I think YABU.

Unless your a diehard football fan you can't really understand how big a deal it is getting to Wembley. Unless you support one of the "big" clubs like Man United, City, Arsenal, Liverpool etc it may even be a once in a lifetime thing, so I can totally understand your husband wanting to see his team playing there. Especially when a win means promotion to the Premiership.

Personally I'd let him go,

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 10:56:25

If England were in the World Cup Final I probably wouldn't even watch it on TV. My club are playing in a final soon - and as I said, wild horses won't stop me from being there.

waikikamookau Sun 05-May-13 10:59:10

just change the dates of the holiday, then if they don't make it to Wembley you can blame your dh grin for the hassle

Annunziata Sun 05-May-13 11:03:17

YABU, let him go.

I still feel guilty about DH not getting to go to see Celtic in Seville.

Really? It's only a fucking game. It isn't more important than life or death, it isn't the most important thing in the world. Medical issues matter, work matters, no sport matters this much. It's a fucking game.

Tell him it's his choice. He either comes on the family holiday and behaved like a father to his children or he goes to a football match. It isnt up to you to "let" him do anything. It's his choice but I'd look very unfavourably if my DH wanted to fanny around with our holiday to watch sport.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 11:19:00

lurkedtoolong clearly you don't understand the passion involved. There will be a huge amount of people who don't see it as 'only a fucking game'.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 11:21:51

It's "only a fucking game" to you, lurkedtoolong. It could be argued that it's only an effing holiday. You can't expect other people to lack interest or passion in a subject just because you do.

I can totally understand how passionate people get about their sports and their teams. There's nothing wrong with that but when they prioritise that over spending time with their children it's just unspeakably selfish.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 11:27:37

Bull, lurkedtoolong! You're effectively saying that no-one can do anything unless they don't have the option of having their children with them. I look forward to reading your comments on another thread where you tell a mother that she can't go to the gym and put her kid in the health club's creche because she's prioritising that over spending time with her children or the couple that they can't leave the kids with grandma and go to lunch/the cinema/a wedding/away for a weekend because they're prioritising that over spending time with their children.

Absolute and utter bull.

MeNeedShoes Sun 05-May-13 11:28:22

I thank my lucky stars every day that I married a man with no interest in following TV sport. Seriously. 3 of my BIL are sports mad and the other 2 plus DH have no interest. The sports mad ones are always trying to sidle out of weddings / weekend plans because some men chasing a ball about on a field. I would rather go to the beach and watch some dogs chasing a ball about.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 11:29:01

He's not prioritising it over spending time with his children, he's planning to go on the holiday just a little later.

(I started off as YANBU - it looks like I have changed my mind and think YABU! Not quite sure how that happened.)

MeNeedShoes Sun 05-May-13 11:29:57

Oh and to answer your question YANBU but - when you marry a sports mad man these things happen. Your alternative is to go back in time and marry a man who doesn't give a bollocks about Leicester grin

Xales Sun 05-May-13 11:32:19

This is why I would never date a passionate football/golf/whatever sports fan.

My ex neighbours H used to bugger off every Saturday and Sunday leaving her to deal with 3 kids.

I could hear them arguing when the youngest were babies that she needed help and him arguing she knew he did this when they got together.

Maybe he did but that was pre kids. Selfish.

Yes OP can wrangle 3 kids and and elderly parent around. She can do that easier at home. A holiday is for her to get a break too.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 11:35:24

MeNeedShoes, wedding vs football match? No contest!

My brother in law attended the ceremony and then left after half an hour at the reception as Spurs were playing at home and he needed to get to London in time - we knew in advance and that was fine by us. We'd arranged the wedding on a day when our club weren't playing! grin

I've no desire to go to anyone's wedding at all and don't do things I don't want to do so wouldn't be there, you'd find me in the stands watching my team. If your thing is watching dogs on the beach that's fine too. What's not fine is trying to disallow adults from doing as they please wrt their hobbies or trying to guilt trip them into not doing them.

fuzzpig Sun 05-May-13 11:37:14

I'd take your sister instead. Total waste to have a 'vacancy' for half the holiday! smile

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 11:47:53

I live with a Leicester fan and it's been obvious all season that they may well make the play offs. If he's that bothered and such a 'die hard fan' he should have bloody thought about that before booking a holiday for those dates! And if he decides to go to the game then I suggest he should be the one who has to explain to three upset children that he's prioritised a game of football over spending time with them. Can't see a 6,4 and 2 year old understanding that it's a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'.

Bertrude Sun 05-May-13 11:48:45

Going against the grain but I'd be rearranging the holiday around it. My husband didn't come home for a significant family event on my side to save plane fare and annual leave for his trip to Wembley and they then didn't even make the play offs (thanks to Leicester in the last minute - bad night in our house last night!)

But we have no children to consider and I'm a football fanatic too and have rearranged things around important games for my team. Its a joint obsession for us despite supporting different clubs, so we fully acknowledge its importance. And they don't get to many of these type of things so its not often that I have to compromise grin

delboysfileofax Sun 05-May-13 11:49:57

It's Wembley people, WEMBLEY! The most important game of the season. I would pick that over a family holiday. It's not like Leicester are going to get there often. wink If he was a fan of a big club/glory hunter I'd understand- they get their opportunity to go practically every season.

specialsubject Sun 05-May-13 11:57:24

jesus. Spectator sport is NOT important.

I thought you meant he was actually taking part.

the hotel will have it on Sky, you can never get away from the drama-queen kickabout anywhere you go now.

ShellyBoobs Sun 05-May-13 12:00:21

Can't see a 6,4 and 2 year old understanding that it's a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'.

They don't need to understand, do they?

Don't forget we're talking on MN here; back in the real world DCs don't always have to come before everyone else with regard to their happiness.

I'd rather my OH enjoy his life as I do mine, and DD does hers. Our individual happiness doesn't have to revolve around eachother constantly.

My OH will be away in Malaysia on business for 3 weeks solid before we go to our holiday home in France for a week in June. Only he won't be with us for the whole holiday as he's going to ride his motorbike at a track in Spain for a couple of days while we're away. That's fine with me because it's what he wants to do and I know how much he loves it. So does DD.

Life is for living, not just obeying one's partner's orders. Forcing people to do things doesn't make anyone happy.

GreenEggsAndNichts Sun 05-May-13 12:02:37

Geezer it's not exactly the same as another hobby, because other hobbies can be done on your own time and aren't dictated by outside forces. It is also not a hobby you're taking part in, you're watching other people play a game from the sidelines.

Now you won't continue to read this grin but I actually agree with you for the most part. If it were some thing DH desperately wanted to do, I wouldn't feel like being the person who told him he "couldn't" do it. I'd prefer that he make the choice on his own. However, I'm also the sort who wouldn't mind a holiday on my own with DS (very different from a holiday with 3 DC, I admit!)

I love rock music. On of my favourite bands, I've never seen them live before, they're getting long in the tooth so I won't have many more chances to see them, are finally coming to the UK. A friend and I had tickets, purchased as soon as they were announced last summer. However, in Feb my DF said (very very long story short) we have an opportunity to visit with him, for a very nice long weekend in +Paris, and so I'm taking DS to see him. Because life is short, DS won't be 4 forever and my DF won't be around forever.

The long weekend covers literally every UK date of the tour, btw. sad

Agree with natweb. If you're that into sport, and must keep certain dates free on the off off chance something big will happen on those dates, then do that. It'll save a lot of strife.

ShellyBoobs Sun 05-May-13 12:06:58

...It's only a fucking game. It isn't more important than life or death, it isn't the most important thing in the world. Medical issues matter, work matters, no sport matters this much. It's a fucking game.

And a holiday is only a fucking holiday. That's not more important than life or death, either.

Your argument is shit, to be quite honest.

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 12:09:00

No they don't NEED to understand. Just saying that seeing as he'a been a twonk and booked a holiday over dates where there was a decent chance they'd be in the play offs then he can be the one to see his small children upset and disappointed. That's all.

LittlePeaPod Sun 05-May-13 12:15:03

Haven't read through all comments just responding to original note. My DF is. Massive Man U supporter and if I was in your position Op I would let him go and come out later. My reasoning been his only real passions outside his family/work are golf and Man U. And a one off important game like that doesn't come round that oftain and I would feel guilty beyond belief begrudging him the experience. It's not like holiday would be cancelled. My DF is off to The far east to watch Man U (4day trip) and he told me after it was booked. Didn't bother me one bit. In fact we had to book our holiday round it and that's when I found out. He works round me and I work round him. But I do understand everyone is different so hope you resolve it to everyone's satisfaction.

But I honestly don't understand why it's so upsetting that he wants to come out later.

wonderingsoul Sun 05-May-13 12:17:18

fuck that for a barrel of laughs.

id say , sure sweetie, course i dont mind.. long as you you dont mind that my sister takes your place for the whole hoilday.

id be fuming just the fact he asked and thought it was a good idea.. shows where he priotys lay really dont it.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Sun 05-May-13 12:32:46

I would go with your sister and have a great time. I can't see why your kids would mind if you explained what he was doing. If you were pretending to be openly 'happy' for him then the kids would follow suit.

I woud let him go and I would be pleased for him. My DH is a huge huge sports fan. I don't mind, he enjoys it. It doesn't make him a selfish person. I don't quite understand how you can be that excited about watching sport but there are millions who think otherwise.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Sun 05-May-13 12:34:38

Of course if my DH went I would expect him to be grateful smile

MathsCat Sun 05-May-13 12:35:53

I'm guessing it's not possible to change the holiday dates as that week is half term. Leicester winning yesterday stopped my team getting to the playoffs! I'm generally of the opinion that something already booked, that CAN'T be easily changed takes priority... But then I've been to Wembley quite a few times, in fact the first match I ever went to was there, so may be a bit more relaxed about it. Give him the choice of coming on all the holiday or your sister comes - much nicer to have someone there the whole week (and probably cheaper to change name than try to get another flight during half term!)

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 12:39:36

And the 'will never have a chance again' argument is balls. I'm a Millwall fan and even I've had a few opportunities to see them play at Wembley. One of them was an FA Cup final. If Millwall can do it (we're generally shite for those not in the know grin) then Leicester bloody well can. Ha!

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 05-May-13 12:49:43

Special It's not important TO YOU. It clearly is to other people. Including the OPs husband.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sun 05-May-13 12:54:20

I don't think you're overreacting. It's not about the football, it's about the fact that your DH would rather spend time on his hobby than enjoy a family holiday that's been planned for months. Why should your enjoyment of the holiday be hampered - the extra stress of having to organise the children and your mum - as he's changed his mind about coming? I'd also question the messages this gives out to your children - daddy would rather watch a football match than come on holiday with us?! Lovely.

I think you need to consider if your DH would be understanding enough to do the same for you. If he would, then maybe there's a compromise to be found. If not, his actions come across as being very selfish. He's taking you for granted, knowing you'd still go and care for the kids. Imagine if you'd suddenly said, oh sorry, I've got something better to do now for the first few days of the trip as well. Who'd go then? But you wouldn't do this. And he knows that.

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 05-May-13 12:57:29

To be honest, who wouldn't rather go to Wembley than to Tunisia with three really little kids and an elderly parent? I mean, it's not exactly surprising that someone would prefer the footy, is it?

CelticPixie Sun 05-May-13 13:23:00

Oh for gods same Wibbly. He is not choosing a hobby over his family, he has asked his wife if she'd mind him flying out to join them two days later. He has not said he doesn't not want to go, he has not said that he wants them to cancel the holiday altogether and he would have plenty of time for family stuff when he arrives. People really do need to get a fucking grip here. Do you all expect the world to revolve around you and your kids? Because I here to say it doesn't!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sun 05-May-13 13:41:58

Celtic - I think you're forgetting that they're his kids too! You know, he's equally responsible for taking care of them...

And of course he'd be choosing his hobby over his family. Any decent man wouldn't contemplate planning another activity at the exact same time as a family holiday - the dates would be sacrosanct. I guess it's up to the OP to decide how she wants to proceed, given she's with someone with (IMO) such skewed priorities.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 13:53:20

Agree with wibblypig.

Has the DH actually investigated if he can fly out a couple of days later? I'm betting a significant amount he hasn't, because it's not a priority for him. His priority is seeing the football match at whatever cost financially or to his family.

If the holiday had not already been booked then absolutely I would agree that the OP forgoes a foreign holiday with the children at that time of year so that her DH can go to the football final, fair enough, doesn't happen often etc. etc.

However the blinkin holiday has already been booked. I don't think expecting someone to go on a trip that is already booked and in the diary and has significant cost ramifications if you don't - or decide to saunter in mid way through - is a nice thing to do.

Oh and slagging off Tunisia as a holiday destination, yes mildly amusing, but cheap shot. This is the OPs real life not some imaginary scenario, I'm sure until this morning she was looking forward to her family holiday.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 13:59:49

GreenEggs I did continue reading! I just disappeared for a bit so I could get some stuff done ahead of watching football this afternoon. grin (Yes, that's the truth, really).

ShelleyBoobs, I agree with you 100% - "Don't forget we're talking on MN here; back in the real world DCs don't always have to come before everyone else with regard to their happiness."

natwebb - Millwall?
Rolls on the floor laughing grin wink [pokes tongue out]

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 14:05:35

Now now Geezer - the only joy I get from football nowadays is that by some fluke we always beat Leicester and I get to see the other half sulk. For this reason alone Leicester are NOT allowed to be promoted so this whole thread should be a non issue! grin

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 05-May-13 14:06:59

It's just as valid to 'slag off' Tunisia as it is to be offensive about football. Particularly in a context where people are acting surprised that someone would rather go to a Wembley play off final than Tunisia. Of course there are people who would prefer to go to the footy. Football fans. Like the OPs husband.

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 14:11:48

Why did he book a holiday for the weekend of the play off finals when he knew there would be every chance of his team being in it then Russian?? If he was that bothered he would have made sure they booked a different week. It's not that tricky really!

Flobbadobs Sun 05-May-13 14:17:48

I'd let him go, a couple of years ago our team made the play offs, it was bloody obvious they would so we didn't book anything except a weekend in London and tickets to Wembley! That was with the DC's btw so we all got to go but we're all footy fans here. (DD was only 3 and she loved it grin)
Let him go then when he joins you take yourself off for the day to do some no pestering sightseeing on your own and let him amuse the DC's and look after your Mum.

LadyLech Sun 05-May-13 14:28:49

Sorry, but I think it is bloody selfish of him.

1. He has promised to go on holiday, by booking it. He now wants to renegade on that promise by missing out of 30-40% of it (depending on flight times etc) to do something else.

2. How many holidays per year does the op get? If the mother is elderly, then I'm assuming won't be much help- that's the impression I got, so he's leaving his wife to take three young children, to fly, board the luggage, unload the luggage, all whilst coping with a two year old and on her own? That's not fair. Then, she will have to spend two days of her holiday looking after the young children alone. What kind of holiday is that for her?

I think that's a big ask, and very selfish of him. I wouldn't ask that of my husband, and would not put my hobby above the needs of my family. Personally, I think your responsibilities come first. He booked the holiday first, that's his commitment.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 14:39:41

Oh yes because i'm sure a day wandering round Tunisia on her own (which I would imagine is not a great idea for a lone female) would make up for the missing half the holiday and the extra cost .
I'm sure the children would love that as well .Daddy doesn't turn up for half the holiday and when he does Mummy suddenly disappears . Lovely i am sure .
Look i am not a footie fan so i dont get this but If he feels he has to gowould rather my sister came than
him turning up half way through.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 14:41:57

Oh and I was taught that once you have accepted a commitment its rude to then decline for a better offer.

joydivisionovengloves Sun 05-May-13 14:43:28

YABU. It's the play off final. Games don't get much bigger than that. The thing with football is - for those involved, no explanation is necessary, for everyone else, no explanation is possible. Not wanting to miss such a massive game doesn't make him a bad bloke. I would do the same in his shoes.

Ashoething Sun 05-May-13 14:48:21

Don't worry op-I am sure he can make up it up to you by booking you a weekend in a spahmm

Andro Sun 05-May-13 14:52:33

I'm a rugby nut, I always have been (probably always will be) so the lure of big matches is something I'm very familiar with. The key thing though when you're so into a sport is preparation, anything can happen so planning is key. The way to manage a situation such as playoffs is to not book anything on those days/that will impact those days. To make a set of firm plans and then renege on them sends a bad message, it says that a sport takes precedence over your family (unacceptable imho)...a little care could have avoided the situation completely.

For that reason OP YANBU, your DH should have ensured that nothing was booked to coincide with playoff w/e just in case.

SuperSaint Sun 05-May-13 15:03:09

I haven't read the whole thread but I agree with natwebb79. Why did he book the holiday at that time if he wasn't prepared to miss the play off final? I am a massive football fan and my team were possibly going to be in the play offs in 2011 and 2012. I made sure I kept any potential play off match dates free just in case (luckily I didn't need it as we got automatic promotion both times grin).
However, there'd be no way I'd be able to miss a match like that so I would understand if he wanted to go.

Yeah I agree with natwebb too, if he's such a massive fan that he gets a pass to miss the family holiday, then he should have not booked anything for those dates.

I love football -- been sports mad my whole life actually. But I'd never want my family to think it's more important to me than they are.

And I agree that people should keep their hobbies and fun, but when said hobbies have a pretty significant impact on the family then yes, the partner is allowed to have an opinion about it.

Squitten Sun 05-May-13 15:28:17

Times like this I'm very thankful my DH isn't a devoted sports fan!

Sometimes events in life clash. It's tough luck really if you have to miss out on something because you're pre-booked elsewhere. There is absolutely no chance that my DH would be dumping me with three young kids on a plane while he swans off for a nice footie match with his mates. Snowball's chance in hell.

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 05-May-13 15:32:49

It's the play off final. For most serious football fans that's bigger than the FA cup final or the World Cup. And if you follow a small club it's likely to be a once in a lifetime event.
Of course if you aren't a serious football fan you won't understand the passion involved - I don't myself. But I have enough imagination to put myself in that football fan's shoes.
All the male members of my family are football mad Wigan supporters. Occasionally events have had to be rescheduled around DH and the boys' obsession. It doesn't make DH a bad father.

Facebaffle Sun 05-May-13 15:37:09

YABU. This is a big match to a dedicated footy fan. Our team had their chance at Wembley a few years ago and DH would not have missed it for the world. He still goes on about what a great day it was.

As we got closer to the end of the season DH would not have missed any matches. He travelled home from our recent holiday (mid week match, about 90 minutes drive away) and I had fully expected it to happen...and it was my birthday grin

Let him go.

LittlePeaPod Sun 05-May-13 15:46:13

Facebaffle. I am with you on this one. I am surprised how angry people would get if this was their DH. I still honestly can't see the problem with it. Now if he did it every single time you went on holiday well that would be a problem.. But to get slightly historical over one occasion which is clearly so important to him..... I really don't get it... confused

webwiz Sun 05-May-13 15:47:05

Oh goodness Moominmammas I thought I was the only one suffering the special agony of living with Wigan fan.

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 05-May-13 15:58:59

webwiz yes I live with three of them and we have two weeks of agony now don't we? But my lot would trade a cup final defeat for staying up.

webwiz Sun 05-May-13 16:10:17

We moved away from Wigan for 25 years ago so I've told DH he needs to pick a new team next season as I don't think I can take any more end of season relegation battles. I've suggested Chelsea but he did this face hmm

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 16:12:46

So those people still saying 'but if you're a huge football fan you won't get it, he neeeeds to see this game!', why can't you see that it doesn't take a genius to not book a fucking holiday on the weekend of the play off final??? Aaargh! It's his own bloody fault!

webwiz Sun 05-May-13 16:16:38

I agree with natwebb - if this was DH's (stupid) team we would have booked the holiday to start on the sun (or mon if its a sun game) to avoid a possible clash and so the situation would never have arisen.

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 05-May-13 16:17:49

Yes but it is just so amazing when they do the great escape every season. Supporting Chelsea is probably quite dull in comparison. DH and the boys are already getting excited about next season's adventures in Europe hmm.

StuntGirl Sun 05-May-13 16:21:03

"So those people still saying 'but if you're a huge football fan you won't get it, he neeeeds to see this game!', why can't you see that it doesn't take a genius to not book a fucking holiday on the weekend of the play off final??? Aaargh! It's his own bloody fault!"

Quite. He's either such a huge fan or he isn't.

Watching something on tv isn't a hobby either. By that reckoning Corrie is a hobby too grin <runs away from football fans>

ilovesooty Sun 05-May-13 16:22:18

A friend of mine did this when Bradford City last reached the League 2 playoff finals. He flew out to the family holiday the next day. His wife (not a football fan) wasn't too thrilled, but that was nothing to the grief he got from both sets of parents.

People who aren't football fans simply don't understand.

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 05-May-13 16:22:43

But you don't have a crystal ball about these things. DH missed his team's first ever match in the Premiership because we were on holiday. He was pretty gutted after supporting them since he was a little boy and they were non league.

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 05-May-13 16:25:24

stuntgirl real football fans don't watch it on the telly. (Unless there is no alternative).

ilovesooty Sun 05-May-13 16:26:37

Of course they don't.

to people who aren't football fans its not a big deal, its only a game. to people who are football fans its a massive deal, and possibly a once in a lifetime moment.

if it was my team or DH's team in the play off finals, we would be going. together; even though we support opposing clubs, because we support each others passions.

however, we're season ticket holders, and would plan for such an eventuality. i have to agree with natwebb79- if he's passionate enough about his team to want to go to Wembley if they reach the final, he should have been thinking about then when booking a holiday. we wouldn't book a holiday for this time of year for that very reason!

his lack of foresight would suggest he's not really that passionate about the team...

Real football fans do indeed watch it on the telly when tickets are £65 a pop

helsbels03 Sun 05-May-13 18:20:34

Wow so many responses! He didn't book thd holiday, I did, we are limited up school Hol dates as I am a teacher and 2 dc at school so flexibility / moving Hol is not an option. To me football is a game, my family are real life children who need a week with their parents focusing on enjoying ourselves together. We all lead busy life's and someone is always doing something after school/ weekends etc. I have read all posts and my decision stands- he chooses before the final, comes for the dhole week or not. It will be fine, but NOT forgotten.

fuzzpig Sun 05-May-13 18:35:45

Indeed, dreaming, dh has been a supporter of his team for most of his 45yrs, but he never once saw them play until this year (as his son got a good deal on tickets through a mate and treated him as a birthday gift) because it is fecking expensive!

DH is sports mad, he would love to see his team in a final, or to have gone to the olympics and wimbledon etc, but it is just too much money especially when you factor in travel. Watching it on telly, or sitting in a sports pub with his son, is good enough for him, because it has to be <shrug>

StuntGirl Sun 05-May-13 18:45:04

"stuntgirl real football fans don't watch it on the telly. (Unless there is no alternative)."

I suspect given ticket prices tv is the only alternative for many, many fans.

It's still just a game though. Family is real life.

SO glad my partner isn't into sports.

fuzzpig Sun 05-May-13 18:50:58

My DH takes the same view stuntgirl - as I said, he is sports mad, but he would never put it before us, in terms of time or money.

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 05-May-13 19:10:00

I'm so glad I'm not married to someone who thinks they can sacrifice anything that is important to me so that they can get their own way by using the excuse of 'but it's for the family'.

natwebb79 Sun 05-May-13 19:27:05

And I'm glad I'm not married to someone who would let their children down for the sake of a game they should have thought about beforehand, Russians. Jeeeeze.

Yaba littleu .He has asked you whether you mind, he hadn't.told you he's going and he is trying to comprise coming out later. He asked and gave you the option to say no (not I presume for permission to go, but rather to ask if you will be happy to look after His DC - shakes head at idiots arguing that you can't stop adults doing things, you bloody can if they expect you to babysit for them! I hate the presumption that it's okay for men to leave their DC with dw without the courtesy of asking if she minds, because they.don't need permission to persue hobbies. Excepting work, I would never leave dc with dh without asking him if he minds and nor would he me. The responsibility for dc is shared not mine by default)

ilovesooty Sun 05-May-13 19:55:20

the sake of a game they should have thought about beforehand

He didn't book the holiday:the OP did.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 20:03:13

Yes but presumably they consulted dates beforehand.

In our family one of us (generally me) books the actual holiday, but the dates have been agreed with DH and checked on the school calendar for DS.

ilovesooty Sun 05-May-13 20:48:22

Well, the OP made it clear that because of the school terms the dates were non negotiable.

helsbels03 Sun 05-May-13 21:43:54

I am a teacher, so dates are non- negotiable. And it was a long shot that his team got into the play offs when I booked the Hol almost a year ago. My question is am I being unreasonable for being upset that he would rather go to the match than holiday with us. I do have some issues with him not putting the dc first, but also over react. Now am quite looking forward to taking my sister instead- he will now probably decide not to go!!!

LittlePeaPod Sun 05-May-13 21:49:25

Helsbells on this occasion personally I do think YABU. It's a big deal for him, it's a one off and I assume he doesn't do this every time you go on holiday. It's only two days.

ShellyBoobs Sun 05-May-13 22:10:47

I have read all posts and my decision stands- he chooses before the final, comes for the dhole week or not.

I think if I was the DH, I'd be quite resentful of an ultimatum like that and would be more likely to choose the match. Especially given that you've got 13 weeks' holiday per year and he pressumably hasn't got that luxury when deciding how to spend his time off.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 05-May-13 22:39:58

But shellyboobs we have no idea if there are mid week flights available to Tunisia and if there are how much they cost.

If I was the Op I'd be highly resentful that the DH assumes that it's ok for additional family money to be spent on what's probably going to be an expensive flight in school holidays , assuming of course that this mythical flight actually exists.

I would hate to try to navigate 3 DCs 2, 4 & 6 at say for example the swimming pool, in fact I'm sure there's a rule at our pool that you can only look after 2 of that age on your own. I certainly wouldn't want to chance it, oh and that's without trying to take the needs of an elderly lady who might not cope with the heat that well into account.

By bringing her sister OP has company as safety for the DCs plus they will be able to devote some attention to their mother who has also presumably paid money to go on holiday. I think it's a very elegant and thoughtful solution. DH gets to go to his oh so important football match and OP gets to go on holiday without having to look after the children by herself for at least 2 days.

The DH can just use the days he needs for the match and then work the rest.

TheSecondComing Sun 05-May-13 22:52:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DadOnIce Sun 05-May-13 22:54:55

Hmm - torn on this one! People who treat bloody football as more important than life or death really annoy me, but so do wives who think they can "let" another grown adult do something. I think my brain will explode if I think about this one for too long smile

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 22:56:22

Oh OP now your sounding controlling.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 22:57:06

'You're' sorry, pedants

ilovesooty Sun 05-May-13 23:08:33

* I have read all posts and my decision stands- he chooses before the final, comes for the dhole week or not. It will be fine, but NOT forgotten*

Whatever he decides to do, it will hardly be "fine" if you're going to hold it against him.

Dad on ice-.she isn't letting him do anything, she is agreeing to look after his children whilst he does something.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 23:24:18

pregnant but at a cost to him! She is agreeing reluctantly, "he comes for the whole week or not" "it will not be forgotten". Poor guy, he's hardly got her blessing to go to the match

2712 Sun 05-May-13 23:26:28

So the father of your children would rather spend his time watching grown men kick a ball full of air round a field than spend precious time with them????
Nice!

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 23:29:53

No, he would rather watch grown men kick a ball around for just under two hours, and then join his children on holiday to spend precious time with them. OP is excluding him from doing that

2712 Sun 05-May-13 23:34:22

Well maybe he should rethink his priorities. I always thought my family were more important than sport, but hey ho.

Bowlersarm Sun 05-May-13 23:37:46

Well as you can see from comments on this thread, if you have bothered to read it, many people think that sport is important too.

2712 Sun 05-May-13 23:38:53

But is it more important than family?
That's what I mean about priorities.

level3at6months Sun 05-May-13 23:47:52

Well I think he should go to the match. Sorry, but I would.

ilovesooty Sun 05-May-13 23:52:39

Will his children be permanently scarred if he goes to the match? I doubt it.

Is this more important to the OP than to the children? Probably, because to her it's "just a game".

Will there be other holidays? Yes.

Will he have the (probably slim chance) of seeing Leicester clinch promotion to the Premiership again? Probably not.

Can her sister go instead? In all probability yes.

2712 Sun 05-May-13 23:55:19

Well I remember when my DH took me to Rome on my 40th.
It transpired that it was at the same time as the world cup and DH spent all his time at the airport watching the match on TV. England lost so he spent the whole weekend in a shit mood just because of a poxy game.
Ruined my birthday and it still bugs me now.
like I said, Its only a game, not real life.

SparkyDudess Sun 05-May-13 23:55:27

Insane. I live with two massive football fans, to the extent that for 2 years running season tickets were bought instead of a family holiday (I weighed up total enjoyment, and an afternoon together each weekend for ds and dh plus the time I got to myself outweighed 10 days away together for those 2 years.

That said, I would be very unimpressed if dh wanted to go to a footy match when we already had a holiday booked. I've no problem with them finding somewhere to watch a key match if we're away, but sending me off while he skips off to wembley, and missing half the holiday? Certainly not, that's taking obsession far too far.

All this garbage about passion is a nonsense - it's not more important than real life, and if it is then some growing up is required.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 06-May-13 00:01:34

To answer your question YABU and melodramatic to be upset that he 'would rather watch the football than go on holiday with his family'. He proposed doing BOTH. He would still go on holiday with his family, he would just join you a couple of days late. Surely, that isn't so bad.

Can your sister come for the whole time and your DH join you after the game?

What are your reasons for not wanting him to come if he watches the game? Is it financial, practical (your sister will be in his bed smile or is it because you want to 'punish' him. Sorry if you have already explained but I couldn't see it.

hopipolla Mon 06-May-13 00:09:50

YABVU Football is much more important than any holiday will ever be

Darkesteyes Mon 06-May-13 00:11:41

2712 he did that on your 40th?! How mind bogglingly selfish.

DrCoconut Mon 06-May-13 00:31:30

I have no time at all for football and the way it dominates people's lives. Fair enough, some people like it and thats up to them but the totally OTT mania that is often attached to it is crazy. DH's workplace closed for a day at short notice during the world cup and he lost a days pay because he had all his holidays booked for family activities. I really think they should have budgeted for paying staff if they were going to close for such a silly reason. And if they couldn't do that then let those interested book holiday for it on a first come first served basis as DH has to to indulge our interests. I'm so glad that he is not interested in sport of any form.

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 00:35:41

confused
And here we go with the boys will be boys comments ... Or you will probably enjoy the time he is not there nudge nudge wink wink .

I'd tell him to get a grip! If he can not make it to precious family time away with the rest of the family not to bother coming at all!

My DH has a season ticket and is obsessed with his team, but family time away is far more important to him that wasting two days to watch a match he can watch on holiday. Every time we go away there seems to be an important match which ends up in him hunting bars down when we're away, getting up at 4 in the morning ect...

Ridiculous.

ShellyBoobs Mon 06-May-13 00:36:13

I'm so glad that he is not interested in sport of any form.

What a bizarre thing about which to be 'so glad'.

StuntGirl Mon 06-May-13 00:40:26

I suspect the subtext is "I'm so glad he's not obsessive over a hobby to the point of putting it before the family".

I would feel the same about any hobby that had that effect.

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 00:50:27

Genuinely an eye opener that so many women put there DH obsession for grown men kicking a ball around before them selfs or that their DH find it Acceptable and actually do that ??!!

BUT saying that my friend is obsessed with cycling, spends all his holidays cycling for charity, touring ect his poor baby dc and dp go away on their own sad

I just find it really bizarre that any one would put a hobby before there family. It's just selfishness .

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 06-May-13 01:45:27

I have no problem with my DH's love of sport. He enjoys it and gets an immense amount of pleasure from it. I love the fact it makes him happy and I encourage him. He does the same for me with things i like to do. We are in a partnership where we genuinely want each other to be happy. If I give a little it is not because I am a doormat it is because I love him. .I know he really appreciates the times our whole family have happily gone along with him on sports related trips. (Lions Tours anyone grin )

We have been married nearly thirty years. This way of doing things works for us. We don't argue about this type of thing and neither of us resents the other.

Other posters are talking about sport as though it is another woman confused.

Does anyone actually think the OP's DH prioritises football over his family ??? Isn't it just that he would like to see this one match.

If the OP ends up insisting her DH skips the match it would be best if his team lost terribly.

Remotecontrolduck Mon 06-May-13 02:50:51

Jesus Christ, YANBU

Family and holiday first, obsession WITH A GAME second!

As you can tell, not a football fan.....

Inertia Mon 06-May-13 07:13:21

I think Yanbu . Ok, so you booked the holiday - but if he was really that bothered about the football he would have asked you in advance to avoid those dates. It's about more than the football - it's about him avoiding responsibility, and avoiding his commitments to his family.

Him travelling out 2 days later would not be an acceptable solution to me. The journey with 3 children and an elderly mother will not be a picnic . I would give him the choice - he either comes or doesn't, and if he chooses the football above the family holiday then swap his place for your sister.

(And BTW I watch football, I used to travel to watch my team - but then we had children, and football dropped way down the list of priorities.)

aderynlas Mon 06-May-13 07:16:38

Just want to say Im so happy that we are not going to wembley, been there so often with our team it was becoming like a second home. Promised myself I wouldnt go back this year and am over the moon that we now dont need to. We are up without the dreaded play offs, infact we are up as champions grin. Good luck to your dh s team and to Watford, Palace and Brighton. Must add that if we had been in the play offs i would have been there no matter how many times id swore never to go back.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 06-May-13 08:09:29

This is a bit like the other thread where the OP was wondering if it was reasonable for her P to book a stag do costing £1500 that they couldn't afford when she was pregnant.

Usual slew of posters going oh I can't understand these people who don't have separate interests I love my DH going away it's so relaxing.

It's a different matter to support your DH's interests when they don't directly contradict those of you and your family.

Has anyone tried going on holiday alone for three days with a 2,4 & 6 year old with an elderly mother? If not can they imagine that it would be in any way enjoyable? I'd be ok with DH not coming out for 2 days, although I wouldn't be in any way happy, but that's because we have one 7 year old and it's an entirely different matter as I know I would be able to look after him safely.

Do people actually know how package holidays work? As in the OP booked it a year ahead to get what they presumably decided upon at a reasonable price because it is half term ( oh and btw I'm not sure on what planet booking holidays on the only dates you can make due to your job could be viewed as controlling). The chances of adding an extra bed half way through are slim I would think and there would be an additional cost for the extra flight home. In any case why is the OP the one who should be investigating all this, her DH is the one with the clash, I don't see any posters at all saying that he is the one who should be sorting it out.

iiiiii - I do believe the DH is prioritising football over his family, of course he is. If they hadn't already booked the trip then I'm sure she would send him off with her blessing and her family would miss out on their trip abroad, these things happen. But its already booked. There is no parallel universe where they can go back in time and unbook it and not lose money.

The solution the OP is fair, not controlling, but fair. Her sister goes instead, if I was the OPs DH I would be delighted with that, he gets to go to the game and his wife is reasonably happy and they don't have to spend a fortune on extra flights for him oh and his children aren't put in danger by having one adult trying to look after 3 of them.

Haven't discussed this thread with DH - have a horrible feeling his views may not coincide with my own grin

I think the OP makes a good point in saying that the whole point of a family holiday is to get away from all the usual distractions and business that is daily life, with people always having other activities and interests, and just to take some time to focus on the family and enjoy each other's company.

Missing half the holiday to see a match defeats the whole purpose of that.

racmun Mon 06-May-13 09:03:52

When I first red the post I thought he was a player and I kind of thought well its his 'job' then I realised he's a supporter!!!

I'd be livid. I'm sure the wags of the players he'll be watching wouldn't have their family holiday ruined so their husband could watch your dh play.

I'd be inclined to say if he'a not prepared to do the whole holiday you'll cancel the whole thing and he can explain to his children that watching a football match was more important than going on holiday with them.

I think he is being very unreasonable expecting you to go on your own.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 06-May-13 10:27:43

Itwould be interesting to know when the OP would fly out and the very earliest the OP's DH could fly. Is is possible that he could fly out after the match? Then he may only be a day late confused

Also, is the OP's elderly Mum not able to help at all?

Goldmandra Mon 06-May-13 10:42:58

I just find it really bizarre that any one would put a hobby before there family. It's just selfishness

At least that bloke is actually participating in the hobby and making plans in advance.

We can probably assume that the OP's DH doesn't even know know the guys playing these games of football.

He's not participating in this hobby. He's just watching it and getting all excited because this bunch of strangers are playing the game on one rectangle of turf instead of another.

I'm all for people playing sports, having hobbies they enjoy and having 'me' time. The thing is that common sense and reason seem to go out of the window once people are watching a bunch of strangers wearing matching shirts and allying themselves with a town the probably have nothing to do with.

Bizarre doesn't come close. Mass hysteria maybe? Will he claim to be suicidal for the next fortnight if they lose too?

aderynlas Mon 06-May-13 11:25:07

The thing is Goldmantra, if you dont go to football matches then its difficult to understand the emotions involved. We have followed our local team home and as many aways as weve been able to, for many years. We have come from the lower divisions with one man a dog and us watching, to just gaining promotion to the prem. I think this allows the getting all excited to be fair.smile

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 11:44:01

The choice of whole holiday in Tunisia or couple of hours at Wembley? No contest. See you when you get back.

Do some people not understand that the, "Go for the whole holiday or not at all" thing might not be any use as a threat at all?

I don't see what all the fuss is about. If that's the threat, if that's the punishment the OP will mete out for "letting" hmm her grown adult husband attend the match then so be it. If that's what the husband accepts I'm sure that there will be people who complain about that too - for some it appears to be a case of "either do as your wife wants you to or be castigated". The poor sod can't win.

I'm just about to see if I can book tickets for football. It will cost me around 600 Euro, whatever that means in real money, plus flights and accommodation, I'll be handing children, business and pets over to the care of my perfectly capable other half and I'll be off. No "permission" required. The situation will no doubt be reversed in the forthcoming months and I'll be the one running the home, kids and business.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 06-May-13 12:23:08

The choice of whole holiday in Tunisia or couple of hours at Wembley? No contest. See you when you get back

grin. My DH loves me very very much but I think he may just choose the footie. [Hmm] He has done the most ridiculous trips to Euroupe to see games, ones involving overnight coaches, no sleep whatsoever etc etc. he loves every second. Good for him. I do things I enjoy too.

We can afford it and we spend lots of time together asa family. We can spare him for the regular odd weekend.

He talks about games he saw thirty and fourth years ago and will rewatch games endlessly. There is a bit of snobbery saved just for looking down on footie fans I think. My DH has a double first Degree from a super prestigious Uni, is an all round big wig, is an active member of The National Theatre and is very 'cultured' but he still loves his footie and rugby, and cricket and..... etcetera

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 12:30:42

iiiiiiiiiiii (however many of them there are), I think I might be a little in love with you. You've said it all. No-one's going to be saying to their adult son in 30 years time, "Do you remember when we got on the plane to Tunisia? You had your winter coat on, took it off when we arrived and had an ice cream". A football fan would be saying to their adult son, "It was fantastic, there were 80,000 of us, it was 1-1 in the 89th minute. And then, just as the ref looked at his watch, Nugent hit the back of the net from 30 yards. The whole stadium erupted, I hugged the bloke next to me, never seen him before in my life, we were both crying."

And snobbery about football on MN? Not much!

Why on earth would you treat another grown adult like this.

I'd have liked me saying to exP that he couldn't go off and do his shit.

Sorry Geezer but I think you're being a bit disingenuous. It's not about 'permission', it's about making sure that the kids are taken care of and neither partner is being unduly put out. Are you really going to jet off without making sure your partner is at least available to have the kids on his own (ie, doesn't have a business trip, or a once in a lifetime thing of his own already booked?) If he did have something booked, would you really just go anyway? Say there was something going on at that time that was important to your partner, like your anniversary, and he said he would be quite upset if you missed it -- would you really just ignore that, even if it wasn't that important to you?

That's what I don't get. It's not about 'letting' people do anything, it's about having consideration for other people's lives and feelings, not just assuming you can do whatever you want and the other person will just put up with it.

Football may be important but it's not more important than family. When you're old, it's not going to be John Terry taking care of you. When your kids graduate uni, Frank Lampard isn't going to give a toss. If you're sick and need help from your kids, will you be happy for them to say, sorry mum, there's a match on?

I'm not saying you should do anything differently, if your family is happy with it all -- knock yourself out. But other people aren't wrong to feel differently, and putting family above football does not make one less of a fan, it just means having a different perspective.

DadOnIce Mon 06-May-13 12:57:20

I can think of television programmes over which people are equally obsessed as some are about football - if not more so. To the point of believing they are real life, almost. I wonder if the same indulgence would be extended to someone whose holiday coincided with the season finale of one such programme?

(And if "you can watch it on TiVo/iPlayer" is the answer, then that's the answer for football too.)

I'm still uncomfortable about the whole "I won't let him" subtext. Ultimately, if he decides it's what he is doing, he won't be stopped - the price to pay will be extreme pissed-off-ness. Maybe he knows this and has already banked it.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 06-May-13 12:58:32

Agree with dreamingbohemian. Unless you have taken the family calendar geezer and picked a weekend that you are all already committed to something together, then I fail to see what the relevance of you going off for your football jaunt is. I hope you enjoy it and it sounds like you and your DP have an equitable agreement whereby they can go off and do their thing at some point as well. All great and good but doesn't bear a huge amount of resemblance to the OPs situation.

This isn't about "letting" the DH go off and "do his shit". If there had been no existing plans already already made, or ones that could be gotten out of without financial consequence then I'm sure the OP would be fine with that. Or at least if she wasn't it would be a different thread and one in which I would probably support the DH in having his own interests.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 06-May-13 13:03:03

DadonIce, maybe to get you over the whole "I won't let him" subtext it might help to think of it another way.

The OP's subtext to me is that I won't let myself be put into a situation where I'm on my jack jones looking after 3 very young children and an elderly mother for half of what is meant to be a relaxing family vacation.

She has found a solution that works for both of them by taking her Dsis instead, but apparently that's not enough for some folk. Apparently she shouldn't try to control her DH, suck up whatever solution he cares to offer and make it into steak and you know what night because the poor diddums supports a football team.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 13:07:14

The kids are going to be taken care of in the OP's scenario, dreamingbohemian. They have their no doubt perfectly able mother with them plus another adult who, although "elderly" (what does that mean anyway? 60? 70? 80?), is not described by the OP as in any way incapable.

The OP's husband hasn't made plans without ensuring that the OP isn't available. She isn't unavailable. He merely wants to fly out to join her two- yes, two, not 22 days later in order to experience something he is highly unlikely to get the chance of experiencing again.

My point is about "letting" people. Several posters have said that they would or wouldn't "let" their husband's do this, that the OP should or shouldn't "allow" her adult husband to do this. Several.

Would I go and miss the anniversary in your example? You bet your life I would.

If I'm sick and need help from my kids etc etc - well for one thing this case isn't about the OP being sick and needing her husband there, for another I'm a very firm believer in my kids not being obliged to care for me in old age/ill health, for well thought out personal reasons so I would say FFS go and watch the match love and give the boys a cheer from me too, but that's going a little off-topic.

And I go back to what I said earlier - the person who has never got a babysitter in so they could go to the cinema instead of being home with the kids, who has never used the creche at the gym, who has never left their child with a friend while they went to lunch or shopping or to a wedding, who has never left the kids with their other half and gone out with friends, who is with their kids 24/7 rather than ever doing anything for their own pleasure which doesn't involve children, they might have a reasonable claim with the accusations of putting a personal interest and oneself before one's children. I don't honestly think there will be a lot of those about though.

And finally - what makes you think I'm not an Arsenal fan!! :P grin

How many grown men enjoy going on holiday with the MIL?

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 13:14:03

theoriginal, my other half's work is seasonal. I didn't look at the calendar, I just know that at this time of year, especially in this weather, there's going to be a lot of it. My absence may well cost us financially and be knackering for my other half but I'm sure that, in the forthcoming months, the tables will be turned.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 13:15:35

Fair comment, Freddie. He may be daft in supporting Leicester, this OP's husband, but he's not so green as he's cabbage-looking, is he? Two birds with one stone and all that, yes? wink

expatinscotland Mon 06-May-13 13:16:08

YANBU. It's a poxy fecking game and he's not even playing in it.

aderynlas Mon 06-May-13 13:17:05

The end of the football season and play off dates are well known to supporters. There is no way my DH would make plans that would include these dates; especially without saying, Aderyn how do you feel about missing another trip to Wembley, save yourself all the emotion. I hope helsbels and her DH work this out in a way that makes them both happy.

Goldmandra Mon 06-May-13 13:20:11

I think this allows the getting all excited to be fair.

Of course it's OK to get excited. I get excited watching certain sports. I even pay to go and see them sometimes. I clap cheer and smile and sometimes groan if something goes wrong for someone I want to see win.

There is a difference between enjoying seeing a person or team being successful and the ridiculous behaviour you see people displaying about football. I know men whose whole weekend/week is ruined (and that of their whole family) if 'their' team loses. They act like it is really important in a life or death kind of way and it is childish and ridiculous. I just don't understand why these people haven't grown up.

lol Geezer, if you're making plans to go to a cup final you obviously don't support Arsenal grin

Fair enough -- like I said, if it works for your family, great. It doesn't sound like the OP's family has the same set-up, so I don't really blame her for being annoyed.

Peevish Mon 06-May-13 13:35:45

Goldmandra, I agree entirely with your last paragraph. In my extended family and ILs, there are several people, all male, who make life a living hell for their wives and children after a 'bad' result for 'their' team of overpaid millionaires. I don't mean drink or DV but tantrums and extended sulks, after afternoons either glued to the TV or in the pub. It is very depressing to watch , and I don't see that kind of latitude extended to fans of anything else.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 13:41:45

wink dreamingbohenian

"I get excited watching certain sports. I clap cheer and smile and sometimes groan if something goes wrong for someone I want to see win.
I just don't understand why these people haven't grown up."

Goldmandra, I just don't understand your version of "excited". grin

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 13:59:54

How glad I'm I that my DH is nothing like geezer! Loving and supporting your team is one thing, but putting a group of over paid millionaires above your family is just awful!! We can defiantly see who wears the pants in that relationship.
How truly sad sad I also have a feeling that geezers partner is not as happy he thinks she is either as he probably dosnt give two hoots about her feelings/needs or is oblivious as long as his football ones are met.

My kids would be devastated there dad did that but then again my DH wouldn't want to miss out on two days on holiday with his kids, his priorities are bang on. He is a family man, done men just can't fulfil that.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 06-May-13 14:02:26

Ok Geezer so you didn't check the calendar, but I'm pretty sure you would be aware if a major foreign holiday had been booked for the same weekend as your football jaunt.

If you don't know and there is then I wouldn't bet on your DP being as sanguine as you think she might be. You could ask her and find out.

Goldmandra Mon 06-May-13 14:04:28

"Goldmandra, I just don't understand your version of "excited".

It seems like a pretty normal description to me. I understand the highs completely. I have been there.

The thing is, you don't have to tramp all over the needs and feelings of your nearest and dearest to prove that you're a die-hard fan.

There seems to be some competition to be the most committed, most enthusiastic fan who will go to the greatest lengths to be around the team and be the most traumatised if they don't win.

I honestly think that the hobby becomes more about extreme 'fan'ning than it is about what happens on the pitch. If you don't go to ridiculous lengths you don't qualify as a proper 'fan'.

When it comes down to it, it is all about the random movements of a ball and some blokes round a piece of grass. What happens to the fans is just mass hysteria and, at times, it escalates to the point where others have to intervene and introduce some common sense. Sometimes that is family members pointing out that they have feelings too and sometimes it is the police intervening to stop people smashing up property purely in order to demonstrate how much more upset they are than the next fan.

If you enjoy following a sport that's great. Go and cheer them on, scream and shout, cry, hug strangers if you want, whatever turns you on, but don't lose sight of the things in life that really do matter because football certainly isn't one of them.

The last two years I was extremely lucky and got to see Arsenal-Spurs at the Emirates, both of which times we trounced Spurs 5-3, and in one case had the added pleasure of seeing Adebayor sent off grin

I will never forget jumping up and down, hugging random strangers when we scored, the way we all sang for hours, walking in the streets afterwards feeling so happy -- and that was just a regular match! It really is a high, the best feeling in the world.

So I get the excitement, honestly I do. I still would not put that above my family's happiness.

I admit I may be biased in this because my DH never really asks me not to do things, so if he did ask, I would know it was extremely important to him, and I would not want to let him down.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 14:10:35

"How glad I'm I that my DH is nothing like geezer! Loving and supporting your team is one thing, but putting a group of over paid millionaires above your family is just awful!! We can defiantly see who wears the pants in that relationship.
How truly sad I also have a feeling that geezers partner is not as happy he thinks she is either as he probably dosnt give two hoots about her feelings/needs or is oblivious as long as his football ones are met. "

My other half is perfectly happy, thank you very much. hmm And here comes the football snobbery and jealousy - "over paid millionaires" - would my lifestyle be more to your approval if the team were on the National Minimum Wage? hmm

You fell at the very first post, whatamadarse. You made an ass out of yourself with your assumptions. We're all no doubt glad that your husband is nothing like me. He'd look a bit silly with a pair of tits, a fanjo and wearing, as I am today, a skirt and high heels. My other half - he's the one wearing the "pants" today, as he does every day. He'd look silly in a skirt too.

This is not about putting a football team (or "a group of over paid millionaires", if you insist), above anyone. This is about having the freedom to take 48 freaking hours out in order to enjoy a one off event which can't be moved or replicated another time. Jesus, anyone would think some people are jealous.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 14:13:11

theoriginal, you've done it too, but I think whatamadarse might win the prize.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 14:15:21

dreamingbohemian, now I feel guilty about my Arsenal remark and that you knew they weren't my team due to lack of cup finals! grin

ha, no worries

there's always next year!

please beat spurs for us on wednesday though grin

AllFallDown Mon 06-May-13 14:35:56

I'm a football fan, and a parent of two children. My son and I have season tickets at a club. We go to six or seven away games a season together, normally in a group of five or six adults, plus my son.

What he understands, and what the people who think football is just a game don't - as there's no reason they should - is that in many ways, the actual game is the least important part of a big trip like this. It's not about drinking either, or about having a day out with your mates. It's about a feeling that you hardly ever get in life: being part of something much bigger than yourself, about feeling part of a community that is united - whatever the differences between the individuals - in something. You don't get that at home games; you get it away games; you get in spades at something like a trip to Wembley. It's a feeling it's impossible to describe to those who've never experienced it: it's all encompassing and exhilarating and on a good day leaves you feeling wonderful for days.

At which point someone will doubtless ask how wretched my life is that I have to get emotional sustenance from football. My life isn't wretched. I'm happy. But I get something from the experience of football that I not only don't get anywhere else, but which I couldn't get anywhere else.

As for the actual OP – I dunno. I'd probably go on the holiday. But I would feel utterly miserable about missing Wembley if it were my team.

PS Football fans more than anyone else have strong feelings about the overpaid showers of shit that are players. We don't go to support the players; we go to support the club – of which the most important element is our fellow supporters.

outtolunchagain Mon 06-May-13 14:36:40

All those people saying that there will be other holidays that's not always the case ,a close friend of mine thought this last year ,this year she's not heresad

It's a straight choice surely either the sister goes or the dh that's why it has to be all or nothing ,because the sister is taking the dh"s place.The OP is clear that actually they don't get much quality time as a family therefore holidays are important.I have to admit I am baffled by people wanting to go to a football match rather than a holiday with family,presumably the fellow football fans will be looking after the dh in his old age or supporting them at tough times.I also can't believe the people here who are saying they would rather look back on a football match in their old age than spending precious time with their children .

Maybe I am just sensitive about this at the moment but this past month has taught me that you never know what is around the corner and time spent with those who love and care for you is precious in the extreme

Goldmandra Mon 06-May-13 14:48:34

It's a feeling it's impossible to describe to those who've never experienced it: it's all encompassing and exhilarating and on a good day leaves you feeling wonderful for days.

If there are people who can only get that feeling from a football match fair enough, although I think that says more about the rest of their lives than it does about football. Football fans don't have copyright on excitement and exhilaration.

It still doesn't justify placing your own desire to see someone playing football in a particular place over the fact that you've made an important commitment to someone else. It also doesn't justify railroading the feelings and needs of others because a certain team of footballers didn't get a ball into a net enough times to keep you happy.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 14:57:26

outtolunch, I'm very, very sorry for your recent loss.

I learned only yesterday of the death of a very dear friend of mine. She was only 59. As I sat thinking of her, of all the fun we'd had, of the important things I'd learned from her one comment stood out.

"Do it. You're a long time dead".

That's how I would feel, I would go out there and experience that highly unlikely to be repeated day at Wembley, knowing that unless something very unusual happened 48 hours delay in being on holiday is nothing in the big scheme of things. Nonetheless, I think I understand why you take the opposite view.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 14:58:37

dreamingbohemian, you bet we will! grin A certain gentleman has a record to beat, and what better place than WHL? grin

AllFallDown Mon 06-May-13 15:02:01

Goldmandra - you're completely missing the point of what I said. And I also ended by saying I'd probably go on the holiday.

outtolunchagain Mon 06-May-13 15:05:04

I think that's fine Goldmandra I honestly do,it's just that decision isn't it.If after thinking this could be the last chance I have to holiday with the children OR the last chance to go to Wembley you would choose Wembley then that's fine ,I suppose I have just had a reminder in living life to the full .

My friend's small children will never get another family holiday with their mum,and I know you can't live your life all the time in the shadow of what might happen.But just at the moment I can't think why any parent would want to sacrifice those precious few days of the year that you get with no work or other distractions to spend with their children to watch a game ,but like you say I'm not a football fan .

outtolunchagain Mon 06-May-13 15:07:36

Oh sorry it was Geezer not Goldmandra blush sorry

Longdistance Mon 06-May-13 15:11:38

Maybe the op can leave 2 days early and book in for a spa for a few days..........I doubt he'll agree to it hmm

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 15:14:24

No apology needed at all, Goldmandra, I guessed who you meant. smile flowers

(But for those who are still in any doubt, I'm Geezer, the one with the tits, skirt and heeled court shoes). wink grin

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 15:17:27

Longdistance, why on earth should the OP's husband not agree to the OP leaving the holiday a couple of days early and booking into a spa? Where does the OP say that her husband has stated that he wouldn't let her do this be ok with this?

Why are you assuming that he wouldn't? Do you know something the rest of us don't?

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 15:19:04

Either way if you have tits or a cock, ur still very selfish! Yes it probably would be better if they were on a lower wage, they are not gods just humans kicking a ball. Not as if they are saving life's or educating people.

It's self indulgent .

Bowlersarm Mon 06-May-13 15:21:11

What's self indulgent?

AllFallDown Mon 06-May-13 15:23:46

whatamardarse - Who called footballers gods? And why does it matter that they don't save lives? Football brings a great many people a great deal of pleasure – why does that upset so many people so much?

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 15:43:25

Ah, so having made a huge and incorrect assumption and having decided that my man is unhappy, I wear the pants and that you know more about my life and our lifestyle than I do and that I don't give two hoots about him, and having been made to look rather silly for those assumptions you're now reduced to deciding, on the strength of the fact that my (male) other half supports my decisions rather than tries not to "let" me do things, that I'm selfish, whatamadarse?

Yes, that makes perfect sense. hmm

I guess he really thinks I'm selfish. You can tell that by the fact that he's offered to pay for my forthcoming football trip - with an income which comes from working in an industry which entertains people. Maybe he shouldn't earn so much money either, as he's not out there curing the sick or lecturing at Oxbridge. hmm

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 15:44:55

(Correction - having decided that I'm a man, my man is a woman and that he's unhappy, I wear the pants and I don't care about him).

Maaaan, I wish that there was an edit button on MN!

geezer and outtolunch I'm very sorry for your losses.

I also lost a friend earlier this year and have been thinking a lot about what's important in life.

I think the key thing is embrace the things that make you happy, for some it will be a family holiday, for some it will be a football match.

The problem in this scenario is that the OP and her DH are not on the same page -- they would make different choices. So either way, one of them is not going to be happy. In which case, I think it's kind of fair to go with whatever plans were made first. To you, it's just a holiday maybe, but it seems that to the OP it is just as important as football is to her husband, and that's completely fair.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 06-May-13 16:01:40

Exactly bohemian, the key point here is that the holiday is already booked.

If there were a scenario where they hadn't already booked the holiday and the OP was annoyed that he valued football more than the possibility of the holiday, then that would be a completely different matter.

In this specific case the holiday has been booked, deposits have been paid. Most package holidays I am aware of are non refundable.

DH and I also have our own weekends away focused on doing what we want and enjoying our own hobbies. I did not mention them earlier in the thread as they are irrelevant as they do not pertain to the circumstances mentioned by the OP.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 06-May-13 16:02:45

Whoops I meant to bold that irrelevant not strike it out - you're not the only one needing an edit button geezer !

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 16:07:58

Yes, but I sometimes need one in real life too, theoriginal. grin

dreamingbohemian, my sympathies go out to you in your loss too.

Thanks Geezer. It's really shit, isn't it. (inarticulate understatement of the year)

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 16:12:13

The choice of whole holiday in Tunisia or couple of hours at Wembley? No contest. See you when you get back.

Would I go and miss the anniversary in your example? You bet your life I would.

My absence may well cost us financially and be knackering for my other half but I'm sure that, in the forthcoming months, the tables will be turned

There is actually a lot more I could high light but can't be bothered.

Me me me me me ...... I find you extremely selfish. The fact that you got so much glee and amusement about me thinking you was a man shows that you are indeed quite immature hmm . It's probably the reason you put a watching a sport before your family. Lucky them!

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 16:18:50

Indeed, dreamingbohemian, indeed. sad

whatamadarse, you've added to the hugely incorrect assumption you made by following it up with insult when the assumption was pointed out to you. Now you're embarrassing yourself even more by making a further personal attack.

Would you like a spade for that hole you're digging?

Panzee Mon 06-May-13 16:21:47

It's a play off final. It's important. These days they are more exciting than the FA Cup. I would be encouraging him to go. You did ask. grin

AThingInYourLife Mon 06-May-13 16:22:12

"being part of something much bigger than yourself"

I think it is pitiful to describe a football club in those terms.

It's just a business based around selling the entertainment of watching people play football.

Panzee Mon 06-May-13 16:26:41

athing I saw my team lift the European Cup. Words can not describe how wonderful to was to see that, and to talk to people in the city that night and in the journeys back about it. I still remember the stories of how we and others got there. The build up,during the day was so,special. I will never forget the night itself. If you don't understand that then you don't understand it. But don't dismiss it.

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 16:28:51

But your personally attacking people that would oppose there DH doing this on a planned holiday.

I just pointed out, just like you did, why I made those assumptions. If you can't take stuff thrown at you don't dish it out.

A random poster could never make me feel embarrassed about what I believe , I just don't give that much of a fuck .

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 16:31:23

Panzee, tell me that your European Championship memories stem from May 19th last year or I'll sulk for a week! wink

Panzee Mon 06-May-13 16:37:57

14 years ago....god I'm old!

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 16:40:03

Um, whatamadarse, where have I called anyone selfish? Or self indulgent? Or immature? Where have I personally attacked anyone? Remember saying that there's another way of looking at it, and that I have that other way, is not the same as a personal attack.

Where have you pointed out why you made your assumptions? I can't see where. I can see that you called me immature because of your own lack of understanding of my words. I can see where you wrote that immaturity is probably why I (in your opinion but oddly not that of my other half) "put watching a sport above [my] family". But I don't see where you've made any sense, where you've explained your reasoning or where I've made personal attacks.

Would you prefer a JCB for that hole you're digging?

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 16:42:39

Panzee - 1999? And if that's right, did your team lose at home yesterday afternoon? grin [ducks]

I have to say, the last time Arsenal played at Wembley is not such a hot memory for me.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 16:53:30

And I have to say that my team's fans are going to have to think up a new song when May ends! grin

Panzee Mon 06-May-13 17:01:05

We deserved that yesterday, we always go to pieces when the pressure is off! Daft really. grin

AllFallDown Mon 06-May-13 17:06:18

AThingInYourLife - And I think you are pitiful for completely failing to comprehend that it's not about the business, or about the players. It's about the community of supporters. And I think you are pitiful for having so little imagination that you cannot comprehend that sense of coming together. And I think you are pitiful for the innate snobbery of assuming that being a football supporter is worthy of pity.

Stuff you, too.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 17:15:37

Panzee, you had nothing to fight for and didn't bother to field a competitive team. We may have been in trouble otherwise!

I don't think your manager was best pleased though. grin

AThingInYourLife Mon 06-May-13 17:24:19

"And I think you are pitiful for having so little imagination that you cannot comprehend that sense of coming together."

grin

It doesn't take any imagination.

I've been to large rock concerts, where thousands of fans all watch people doing something and cheer along.

The ones who think they are part of something "bigger than themselves" just because they all enjoyed watching the same thing at the same time are as ridiculous as you sound.

It's just entertainment.

That's it.

It's not a movement.

It has no higher purpose. No profound meaning.

It's watching an entertainment product.

Fun. But nothing more.

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 17:30:08

I've been to scores of large (and small, very personal) rock concerts as well as football matches, AThing. In my own experience there is no comparison. The camaraderie, unity and level of emotion found in the football stadium doesn't exist at the rock concert.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 06-May-13 17:37:29

I don't get the football thing either. I know someone who has just paid £800 to move their family holiday just on the off-chance that his team make it through to the final. He says he's supported them through thick and thin and even though he's positive that he's now jinxed it by moving his holiday, he can't take the chance that they will make it and he would miss the game. The reason I can't wrap my head around this is that holidays are very rare beasts in my household and £800 is a huge amount of cash to be squandered in this way. I realise this is not OP's situation because she says money isn't the issue and I'm projecting.

As for the question about whether you let your partner do things or not, that's tricky. I think there's a sliding scale based around the impact on you. For instance, if DH wants to spend a Saturday afternoon out with his mates and I've got nothing special planned, then although he will tell me about it before he says yes, to be sure I'm free, then there's no issue. I will look after DD and everything will be peachy. However, we were having a discussion about me possibly going on a 3 day trip with some friends and leaving DD (who will be 19 months then) behind. This does have a fairly big impact on DH - he has to take the Friday off work (I don't, as it's my non-working day) and care for DD on his own. While he is perfectly capable of doing this, there's no denying that, although adorable, she is very hard work just now, and I wouldn't be happy to look after her completely on my own all weekend while he swanned off to get drunk and sleep in. So I haven't just announced to DH that I'm going and that's that.

GreenEggsAndNichts Mon 06-May-13 17:38:37

Alright I'm mostly just skimming this thread at this point, cause it's up on my "Threads I'm On" list and I just wanted to see how things have descended since I was last here. I've just read this:

But for those who are still in any doubt, I'm Geezer, the one with the tits, skirt and heeled court shoes

and I had no idea if you were a man or a woman but now I'm really hoping the answer is 'very large man.' grin

I see poor OP is long gone. smile

Geezer Mon 06-May-13 17:54:28

grin

The other half's the big fella. smile I'm just the short, petite woman who spends his money. wink

MoominmammasHandbag Mon 06-May-13 18:02:38

But if you are in a relationship with someone you love, and they want to do a once in a lifetime thing that they have waited a long time for, then surely you are happy for them to do it, even if you are slightly inconvenienced.
It is not a massive thing to look after your own three children for a couple of days.
You get a choice in a situation like this. You can either get into a downward spiral of mutual begrudging resentment or you can get into an upward spiral of supporting each other and enabling each other to do the enjoyable life enhancing stuff.
Surely if the OP is generous to her husband here, then he will be generous back in a similar situation.

aderynlas Mon 06-May-13 18:59:11

The only way you can compare football to a concert etc is if you are talking about people who watch a team on sky now and then. If you are a season ticket holder you see the same team once or twice a week, watching with fellow supporters who you know well. Same old faces at away grounds, miles from home. And just once in awhile along comes that magic moment. Welcome to the prem Cardiff City and if your DH s Leicester gain promotion, see you next season.

Goldmandra Mon 06-May-13 20:12:13

The only way you can compare football to a concert etc is if you are talking about people who watch a team on sky now and then.

It doesn't have to be an identical experience to be just as exhilarating. All sorts of experiences can create the sorts of fantastic memories and memorable highs described on this thread.

Football fans are not the only people who have magic moments in their lives.

aderynlas Mon 06-May-13 20:32:42

There are many varied magic moments in life Goldmandra,I wasnt suggesting otherwise. If i go to a concert , one of the childrens school plays, even walking the dog and enjoying a lovely evening all these things are magic moments. I am just saying that after many years my own particular football moment has arrived.

AllFallDown Tue 07-May-13 09:35:43

AThingInYourLife - being a football supporter is not at all like going to rock concerts. Because you see a rock band every few months - you don't have the day to day connection with something bigger than yourself, not the sacrifice that comes with watching crap - it's rarely entertainment for most fans. Your contempt for football supporters is pathetic and offensive. Get off your high horse.

Blackqueen Sun 12-May-13 16:01:35

Problem solved? (But probably best to leave DH alone for a while yet whilst he gets over it!)

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 12-May-13 16:05:56

Can I come on the holiday ? Currently sitting one place off relegation as this afternoons results come in.

I think yabu to be upset that he wants to do this rather than family holiday.

My DH has spent the best part of 40 years putting time, money and emotion into his team. They're quite high up in the prem but wintrophies aobut once a decade. He flys all over the world supporting them and its something he absolutely loves.

Your DH obviously loves his family but this is a one time event for something he must have invested years in, a holiday to Tunisia, regardless of who it's with doesn't compare. He probably thinks he will ge to go on holiday with you all again but not have this opportunity, if I was him I'd probably put the football first.

Also a assuming your DC must be very young, or are they not interested in football? Mine would probably be desperate to go to the match rather than the holiday too.

riskit4abiskit Sun 12-May-13 17:10:41

If I was the kids I would be gutted to be left out if daddy was going to wembley.....

Panzee Sun 12-May-13 18:02:25

Ah well, no longer an issue.

IrritatingInfinity Sun 12-May-13 18:05:06

sad for OP's DH
grin for OP

annielouisa Sun 12-May-13 18:34:55

Smile sweetly, be sympathetic and laugh inwardly at all the Mumsnetters that could not care less about football but were collectively willing Watford to win!!

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