Fiancé double booking me

(117 Posts)
Missy44 Sat 04-May-13 22:40:00

AIBU? I've been working really hard lately so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Yesterday, his friend (a new father) text to invite fiancé out to wet his baby's head. My fiancé asked me if I wanted to go too and I agreed, so he set about texting his friend to 'ask' if I can go out.

Said friend replied this afternoon. He said no, our new mother friend is breast feeding and couldn't join us and she's only happy with the guys going out tonight.

So, fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out. None of my friends were available at such short notice and I'm feeling bored and pee'd off. I don't understand why fiancé has to gain permission for me to go out, I am also annoyed that I've been left without plans when I was fancying a long overdue night out and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation. I'm quietly stewing but please share your opinions to let me know if I'm over reacting or perfectly reasonable. Thanks

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 22:41:58


ParsleyTheLioness Sat 04-May-13 22:42:02

YANBU. This would naff me off too.

ChocHobNob Sat 04-May-13 22:43:35


It should be up to your partner if he wants to take you out with him, not his friend's partner. hmm

You didn't have a firm plan.

His friend won't be having a new baby every week.

It was a bit rude to drop you for his friend but understandable IMHO. I would be dialling for a lovely takeaway and getting comfy with the TV grin

Xales Sat 04-May-13 22:44:10

Why would she have an issue with a woman going?

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 22:44:42

New father asks your P if he would like to go out with the blokes to wet babys head. P asks if you can tag along. No, it's a bloke thing. New mother isolated and can't go out but is tolerant of a blokes night out and is understandably annoyed women want to gat crash it.

If you can't see where you and your P have overstepped the mark, no hope really.

ilovesooty Sat 04-May-13 22:44:57

I wondered that as well Xales

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 22:45:36

I don't get it, did the new mother say she didn't want you going out with the men??

DiscoDonkey Sat 04-May-13 22:46:33

I don't think he asked permission I think he was wimping out of telling you he wanted a lads night.

ilovesooty Sat 04-May-13 22:46:57

I don't see that it makes any difference to the mother if a woman goes or not. Of course the friend could have said no on his own account then the fiance could have made a choice on that basis.

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 22:47:10

Why would the new Mum be 'understandably' annoyed at a partner attending a celebratory drink for the new baby?

I don't undestand at all.

CherryMeg Sat 04-May-13 22:48:11


Why put "ask" in inverted commas? Because actually some people don't like it when partners rock up when it's suppose to be a friends night out.

His friend also just had a baby and wants to celebrate.

You didn't have firm plans.

ChocHobNob Sat 04-May-13 22:48:34

"Will you come out for a drink and wet the baby's head with me?"

"Sure. I'll be bringing Missy as we already had planned to spend the night together".

Your partner needs to grow some balls.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 22:51:36

There are times when MN just is so insensitive.

So, you've squeezed a bowling ball down your smartie tube, spit your arse, your nipples are on fire, you're bleeding and leaking, your hair is greasy, eyes on matchsticks, and some bird wants to tag along on a blokes evening out? Yup - WTG to make the new mum feel like a million dollars

ThreeWheelsGood Sat 04-May-13 22:51:55

I don't understand why your DP's mate isn't staying in with his breastfeeding partner and sharing the load. Why should he get to go out for a drink when she can't?

Anyway IMO yanbu.

Missy44 Sat 04-May-13 22:53:54

I can see that my fiancé would like a boys night out, but I'm just feeling a bit annoyed that he told me this afternoon and I haven't been able to make alternative plans.

The text message that my fiancé got said that our new mother friend was only happy to tolerate a boys night out because she's breast feeding and she wouldn't be happy with partners going along.

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 22:54:37

But it isn't 'some bird' hmm it's his friend's partner. So happy I'm not one of those women who see other women as some dangerous threat.

Softlysoftly Sat 04-May-13 22:55:54

For once I Agree with holly, also I hate blokes wetting the babies head. Basically means leaving the mother to deal with Everything and getting pissed. Awesome hmm

Nagoo Sat 04-May-13 22:56:32

Agree with holly.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 22:56:42

So happy I'm not one of those women who see other women as some dangerous threat

I'm not either - but I see how hysterical this forum gets when it's got an arm full of hormones.

YANBU. But I'm someone who doesn't really get why people divide their friends or social activities by gender.

If I wasn't welcome on a night out I would expect dp to choose me over his friends tbh. Not because I'd kick up a fuss, but because he'd be happier knowing we were both having a good time.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 22:57:05

You should have found something else to fill your time instead of having to crash this do just cos you can't cope with an unplanned evening on your own.

If I'm having a girls night out there's no way partners are tagging along.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 22:58:49

Bloke night out - very different social connotations to leaving a post partum woman at home whilst bloke and all his mates and their partners go and party the night away. That would be really excluding for the new mum.

DiscoDonkey Sat 04-May-13 22:59:49

Agree with holly too. If all the partners went out then basically new mum gets left holding the baby whilst everyone else has a jolly old knees up without her. Don't think it's about feeling threatened by other women.

Agree with Holly, and Softly is SPOT ON!

Softlysoftly Sat 04-May-13 22:59:58

I think yabu to be one of those "partner guess too" people.

Yanbu to be annoyed to be abandoned suddenly though yabu if it's a "special circumstance".

HIBU to get pissed with a new father who should be home.

The mother ibu to worry about other women out.

The mother inbu to be annoyed at the blokes being out on the lash so possibly hitting out.

Our possibly her dh ibu using her as an excuse to have a lads night.

So all in all I have no idea confused

Read a book.

Xales Sat 04-May-13 23:00:26

Nothing to do with being insensitive to the woman who just gave birth.

I don't think she was actually asked as I personally think that any woman with a baby that new so her H was going out to wet its head wouldn't give it a rats arse or second thought.

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 23:01:08

Well you should have phoned up a pal and gone for a few drinks yourself op!

ChocHobNob Sat 04-May-13 23:01:18

That might feel crappy for the Mum Holly, but is it much different to how crappy the OP feels tonight, having looked forward to having a night out with her partner, only being dropped on the day for someone else. I can totally see why you are annoyed OP. He owes you an even better night out very soon.

Also, I agree with softly that wetting the babies head is a bit rubbish anyway. I saw loads of new mums at our baby club who's partners spent their paternity leave drinking and sleeping off hangovers. I fail to understand why any celebration of a birth wouldn't include the mother.

DiscoDonkey Sat 04-May-13 23:01:47

Love the way that the bloke makes a crap decision and women pile in on the new mum hmm

CloudsAndTrees Sat 04-May-13 23:02:48

YANBU to be pissed off given the pathetic excuse you have received.

A planned boys night where partners are excluded is fine. A last minute drink where you are told you can't go be use of some ridiculous insecurities belonging to someone that wouldn't even be there is not fine.

Your fiancé made the mistake when he asked if you could go. He should have said he could only go if you were both welcome, because he'd already made a plan to spend time with you.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 23:03:40

One baby wetting, lots of Saturday nights. There is a precedence to some things in life.

If the Op is so desperate to spend time with her fiancé, then he doesn't go to the baby wetting evening with his mates.

Perhaps the next baby could diarise itself so it doesn't have a diary clash?

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sat 04-May-13 23:03:48

I don't believe the friends partner actually said that, I think it was a lame excuse for a lads night out.

There is no reason you shouldn't go along to celebrate the baby's birth. Calling it a 'man thing' is pathetic.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:03:49

Christ, they may just be having a couple of pints in the same way that girls night for me might be a pizza and cinema. Still doesn't mean partners can come. Why do they have to partying the night away? How do you know the mum's not got support at home in the form of her mum, sister or whoever?

The issue here is the OP expecting to be put first when that's not always the case.

And the use of the phrase 'my man' spoke volumes to me.

TheSecondComing Sat 04-May-13 23:05:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Are you friends with thew new mum? How about a visit? bring a take away and a listening ear?

CherryMeg Sat 04-May-13 23:08:45

So happy I'm not one of those women who see other women as some dangerous threat

I don't think it's about seeing someone as a threat.

I think if partners were invited then that would mean everyone would be going out. Would feel a bit shit to be sat at home by yourself after just giving birth and all friends and partners were out having a great time together.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:10:01

Did you actually see that text where she said you couldn't go OP because I don't think it exists.

CherryMeg Sat 04-May-13 23:14:48

If I wasn't welcome on a night out I would expect dp to choose me over his friends tbh. Not because I'd kick up a fuss, but because he'd be happier knowing we were both having a good time

This made me cringe. When my partner used to go on nights out with his friends I wouldn't dream of tagging along as sometimes it was night out for just the guys. It didn't mean I was disliked by them.

I'm the exact same way with my friends, sometimes it's lovely to just go out with friends and no partners coming.

Booyhoo Sat 04-May-13 23:14:52


Mn is weird tonight.

squoosh Sat 04-May-13 23:16:52

I agree with that CherryMeg, people who refuse to socialise without their partners boggle my mind.

BackforGood Sat 04-May-13 23:18:58

What Holly said.
If you were going out for a drink with the girls, and one of the girl's partner wanted to come, then the answer is likely to be "no" as it's a girls night out. This particular evening was a boys night out. Ergo, you are not invited. It's not that difficult to understand. Why should the dynamic of the evening be changed because you want to tag along ?

Also, I thought you said you were going out with your own Mam
so planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it. So surely you weren't available to tag along to your fiance's night anyway ? confused

Missy44 Sat 04-May-13 23:20:25

I saw the text, i didn't believe that our new mum friend would have said that so i asked to see it too. I'm certainly no threat to our new mum friend. I've been there a lot for her because her family live away and she had a horrific birth. The baby was born a month ago now and he's gorgeous and doing well.

I didn't really want to go on a blokes night out, wetting the baby's head, it was dp idea to ask if i could go and he text to ask without telling me.

I had just wanted a night out with do because I've been working so hard lately and haven't seen much of dp. I was just a bit annoyed that I was only told at 4pm today when lots of my friends had already made plans.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:23:55

Well it's happened, deal with it and move on. It's a bank holiday weekend so go out tomorrow instead.

ilovesooty Sat 04-May-13 23:24:24

If the baby was born a month ago the night out could surely have been arranged with more notice, enabling you to make appropriate plans?

Itsaboatjack Sat 04-May-13 23:25:20

Surely this could have been easily resolved by you meeting your dp later after he's had one or two drinks with his friend after new father goes home to help with new baby? Or am I being too optimistic there on behalf of new father?

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:25:31

So the new dad has to make his

Itsaboatjack Sat 04-May-13 23:26:49

I missed the bit that baby was a month old, in that case what ilovesooty said.

Numberlock Sat 04-May-13 23:27:11

So the new dad has to make his plans around his mate's girlfriend because she can't cope with a night on her own?

ilovesooty Sat 04-May-13 23:30:58

There's no suggestion sne "can't cope with a night on her own". I just don't see why the night out was arranged with so little notice when she and her fiance had been discussing during the week what they might be doing together. I bet if the OP had a couple of young children the answers might be a bit different.

BackforGood Sat 04-May-13 23:32:14

What happened to your Mam ?

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 04-May-13 23:33:23

I'ts traditional isn't it, a night out to wet the baby's head.
One night out with the proud dad and his mates, a one off, and he'll be around for the rest off your life if you're engaged.

ilovesooty Sat 04-May-13 23:35:18

Her mum's never been mentioned.

pinkyredrose Sat 04-May-13 23:45:26

numberlock what?

BackforGood Sat 04-May-13 23:47:04

Ilove -- in the OP, she said she was going out with her mum tonight :

planned to spend some quality time with my man this weekend. We decided we'd go out tonight, we didn't put firm plans as to where or what time but we'd been talking all week about it.

Xales Sat 04-May-13 23:48:22

Man not mam have you had a few grin

BackforGood Sat 04-May-13 23:52:01

Oh Lord ! blush
I've not touched a drop grin, but in my defence I have had an operation on my eye and it's obviously more blurry than I thought! Just read what it sounded like it should say... I'll get my coat blush

Missy44 Sat 04-May-13 23:55:01

Haha, you sound like me without my contact lenses. I do call my mother mam though. This could have been a very different conversation!!

ENormaSnob Sun 05-May-13 00:16:22

Wetting the baby's head is otherwise known as lads night out where I live.

I'm surprised your dp even asked if you could tag along tbh.

In fact, if I were you I would be very pissed off he asked because it really doesn't paint you in a good light.

apostropheuse Sun 05-May-13 01:03:11

YABU to want to go.

I think the new dad didn't want you to go because he wanted to go out with his friend to wet the baby's head. He made the story up about the new mum not wanting you to go because he didn't want to admit it was him that didn't want you there.

It's just a traditional thing to do - men go out and wet babies heads. It does no harm and is a rare occasion.

I could be wrong of course and Hollyberry has given a perfectly feasible alternative reason for what happened.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 05-May-13 01:28:39

Your fiancé IBU.

MidniteScribbler Sun 05-May-13 01:51:16

Good grief you sound like an absolute nightmare. Not being able to cope with changes in plans, expecting to tag along on boys nights, not knowing what to do with yourself on your own for a night, demanding to see text messages because you don't believe your fiance. Poor man.

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 02:07:27

good grief should be able to socialise independent of your dp
why do you need his availability prior to arranging your social life?
I'd not want my dp on girls night out,why you want To go on a lads night?

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 05-May-13 02:31:04

BackForGood the OP said 'my man', not 'my Mam'. grin

So yes, she was available to tag along.

MiniMonty Sun 05-May-13 02:51:00

OP - I'm really jealous that this is the biggest problem in your life.

JassyRadlett Sun 05-May-13 03:02:08

FFS, the only thing relevant to the new mother is whether she's happy for her husband to go out and leave her home alone or not.

For her to get to dictate the gender of attendees, but apparently not care the identity of any of the men allowed to attend, of frankly pretty Neolithic. And ally he people saying its understandable of her are perpetuating the idiotic gender segregation of our culture where there's something 'wrong' with men and women socialising and being friends on a strictly platonic basis.

For the record, I pushed out a 9 pounder with a 99th centile head. And when I was ready for my husband to go out for the evening with his mates, I didn't care whether it was his mate John or his mate Jane. (Or his mate John's partner, for that matter.) That's because I'm a grown up and I trust him, and it's his business who he likes to socialise with.

OP, you'd made plans even if they weren't set it stone - you'd left the time free. You're entitled to be annoyed.

Thumbwitch Sun 05-May-13 03:09:44

God. I went out with my BIL to wet the baby's head, my sis had just given birth, she didn't give a toss!

lunar1 Sun 05-May-13 04:08:40

I'm surprised at all the replies here tbh. I have no problems with dh going out without me. But if we had planned to go out together even if we hadn't decided exactly where I'd be pretty pissed off if he dropped me last minute as he got a better offer.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 05-May-13 08:20:49

Exactly lunar1.

BruthasTortoise Sun 05-May-13 08:28:36

YANBU. Your fiancé was incredibly rude for ditching you when a better offer came alone, your DPs friend's partner sounds unhinged and incredibly controlling and it wasn't like the friend didn't know that the baby had been born and could've planned rather than leaving it last minute. I would be mightily pissed off.

grobagsforever Sun 05-May-13 08:43:27

You lot really are acting like a bunch of vipers! She had plans with her DP and he ditched her. Which is just rude. Her DP should have turned the friend down As if 'wetting the baby's head' is some kind of sacred tradition, its just a bloody pint. Of course OP can cope with a night alone but does this mean her DP can just drop her? OP ignore the faux chilled 'I'm so relaxed I don't care if my DP cancels our wedding at two hours notice to go to a strip club' brigade and give your DP a metaphorical the balls.

As for the new mum, cut her some slack or have you forgotten how irrational having fuck all sleep can make you?


"fiancé has now left me at home while he's gone out ... and feeling let down because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation."
So your fiancé has form for dropping you/changing plans on you at the last minute. That would piss me off too. Personally I'd be inclined to tell him that I was not happy to be so low in his priorities, or that he thought I would be willing to be so low in his priorities. And that if he didn't buck up his ideas, he'd need A&E treatment to recover the engagement ring.

CombineBananaFister Sun 05-May-13 09:41:27

Can't stand the 'head-wetting' male only malarky. Think it's fine for anyone, regardless of gender, to celebrate a new life in the world and it shouldn't necessarily have to be a piss-up either fgs. My BIL just used it as an excuse to get arseholed for most of his paternity time leaving a struggling SIL.

Personally think if anyone should be allowed to celebrate and have a rest it should be the new mum whilst everyone goes to hers for baby duties grin. loved the bowling ball/smartie tube analogy!

So don't think YABU or new mum IBU but think the rest of them are planks.

ivanapoo Sun 05-May-13 09:55:36

What combinebananafister said.

Honestly I think lad's night out masquerading as wetting the baby's head is for dicks. I wouldn't want to have a baby with someone who wanted to do this. If you're going to the pub, I'm the one who just shat a watermelon so I'm bloody well coming too!

But that's by the by.

OP you're getting a hard time here. You fiancé WBU. He should have gone for a quick drink with them or arranged to see his mate another time and spent the majority of the night with you AS PLANNED, unless he asked you if you were ok with him going and you said yes but actually weren't happy with that, in which case YA actually BU.

AuntieStella Sun 05-May-13 10:04:53

DP is I think in the wrong here. He consulted you about seeing this friend as a couple - so far so good. Friend changes terms of invitation. DP should have consulted you again at this point.

Dahlen Sun 05-May-13 10:08:18

YANBU OP. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your DP having a boys' own night out without you, but you did have plans tonight and he's reneged on them at a time when you've been working really hard and looking forward to this night all week. You may not have finalised the where but the when was established in principle and he's let you down at the last minute. I would be annoyed too.

Samu2 Sun 05-May-13 10:11:11

He's BU

IMO if you make plans with someone you stick with them unless something important comes up, and wetting the baby's head in such short notice isn't that important, they can do that another time. You may not have had firm plans but you were both expecting to go out so he's being unreasonable.

BornInACrossFireHurricane Sun 05-May-13 10:20:31

Personally, I think the 'proud new father' should be at home supporting his partner and looking after his new baby, instead of having a 'boy's night out'.

McNewPants2013 Sun 05-May-13 10:33:35

I know this sounds controlling but no way would DH be going out a month after i have given birth and at home struggling with a newborn baby.

In fact if he did he would be on the sofa as i tend to bring the baby to bed for feeding and to go to sleep.

your DP shouldnt have broken the arrange night out with you.

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 10:33:49

it's parenthood not internment if one wants to go out,good for them

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 10:37:01

you tell your dh to sleep on sofa so you can feed in bed?and he does it
what a mug

McNewPants2013 Sun 05-May-13 10:42:00

do you think its a good idea to have a drunken person in the bed the same time as co-sleeping.

quoteunquote Sun 05-May-13 10:47:41

Find a better standard of man to spend your life with,

he hangs out with limited odd people,

I can't imagine dictating who can or cannot go on evening out, when I'm not going,why would you care, that is weird, it's even weirder that two people agreed to entertain that silly demand,

so either the blokes made it up, because they don't want you there, which is more than a bit sad, or they went along with someone paranoia, either way, they are men of limited ability,

so run, find a real man (there are lots of decent ones out there that are not twonks), one who isn't gender bias, because a life time of it will be really shit.

simplesusan Sun 05-May-13 10:49:51

Here's my 2 pennth.

You had planned to go out with dp. His mate suddenly suggests a night out. Ideally your dp should have gone for an hour with his mate and then arranged to meet you.

I don't think it's the new mum being funny, I think her h didn't want you there or any other partners as he saw it as a men only piss up.
He didn't have the guts to tell his mate this, so text that his wife has said no to partners going.

Your dp should stick to his arrangements or at the very least, alter them only slightly so that you are not left out.

When we got married my dh bestman (his brother) insisted on bringing his then new wife for the pre drinks, getting ready/dressed arrangements with dh. Dh didn't like it and told his brother so. She still came! Can you imagine a husband being present at the brides house whilst her bridesmaid is helping her get dressed, having a glass of champers etc totally odd and pissed my dh off. They are now divorced btw , due to him not wanting her out of his sight.

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 10:50:23

is your dh incapable of going out without returning home drunk?
oh dear,is that why he's banished to sofa
not all men return home bladdered.just yours

Loa Sun 05-May-13 10:56:48

because this isn't the first time I've been in this kind of situation.

Year I spent years putting up with that from my DP - now DH. It actually upsets me less once DC came along.

He is a great DH and father - but god I wish I could build a time machine and go back and slap myself so i don't put up with it.

It made me feel second best and I think it lead DH to think it was o.k way to behave.

I can only suggest you talk to you guy and make sure he knows ditching you and plans at last minute for any reason - and I've heard some good ones - isn't on.

McNewPants2013 Sun 05-May-13 10:57:47

he doesnt go out, he is a gamer so his evenings are normally attached to the headset. He very rarely drinks.

perhaps I just presummed a group of males going out to wet the baby head, where each of them will buy him a drink he will be coming home drunk.

YANBU - call him on it. I have let my DH get away with a lot and wish I hadn't!

IsItMeOr Sun 05-May-13 11:16:25

YANBU to call your DP on this. It's making you feel like second best if he's doing this regularly. If you don't want to be treated like second best, don't put up with it. But bear in mind that this may mean ending the relationship.

badguider Sun 05-May-13 11:16:33

My DH went out with his best mate to 'wet the baby's head' - it wasn't a piss-up, it was a pretty sedate chance for a few blokes (4-5) to talk through what being a new father meant to them and their hopes and fears for their new role (all first babies). Even though I have lots of male friends and often go out with men due to the sport I do, I can see that a woman in that environment would really have curtailed the freedom of the guys to chat, just like a man changes the post-partum conversations of new mothers.
A couple of the partners of the blokes who know the mother well went to visit the mother and baby that same night which was nice for us too.

I imagine my DH will do the same, sometime during his two week paternity leave with our first (due soon), when we are both comfortable with it, but it certainly doesn't mean he'll be coming home drunk and it's not a 'party' for everybody and their new girlfriend, it's a quite night with his very best friends.

I don't often do single-sex gatherings but I think that sometimes they can have a role to play.

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 11:24:39

quite simply I don't seek permission to go out,nor do I give it
adults in a relationship should discuss activities,not curtail or set restrictions
if op at loose end with no plans up to her to sort it.not complain because her dp going out

Loa Sun 05-May-13 11:32:53

I think she is complaining as she had plans to go out with her Fiancé. Where they were going and when was still vague but the actually going out together part was firm and decided.

Then Fiancé got a better offer and went.

This has happened before. Usually OP sucks it up and make alternative plans but can't because she was dropped so late.

I don't see that as curtail or setting restrictions.

I put up with my DH doing this for years as I didn't want to stop him having fun. I ended up feeling my company is second best - not good way to feel about yourself.

notsoyoniface Sun 05-May-13 11:43:14

I'm not sure why the op has had such a pasting. The way I see it is:

Op and fiance made loose plans, fiance got another offer, fiance ditched op under the guise that the baby's mother didn't want women there.

OP ywnbu to be pissed off. Can you and your fiance do anything today?

Chandelierforagirl Sun 05-May-13 11:47:04

I think this is about communication. There are some assumptions on your part and on his that don't match up, so you approached that evening with different expectations. Can be easily rectified OP.

BruthasTortoise Sun 05-May-13 11:47:32

scottishmummy the OP did have plans, she had planned to go out with her DP, he ditched are at the last minute. How can you think that's acceptable?

badguider Sun 05-May-13 11:48:26

It's hard to say if OP is being unreasonable, depends on the fiance and how normal this is.
If his other offer had been watching footie or a normal pint with a friend that would be out of order, but some of us have mentioned that the 'wetting the babies head' drink, if it's a very good friend, is something we'd be happy to be trumped by because it's a unique moment. I would dump vague plans with my DH in a hearbeat if a very good friend gave birth and asked me over for the first visit and he'd totally understand.

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 12:12:25

I'm astonished an adult woman is at such loose end without a man
plans changed,so what.should be able to fill evening without stewing as she put it

BruthasTortoise Sun 05-May-13 12:15:56

Really? If on one of our very rare nights out my DH decided to ditch me in favour of his mates at the last minute, I would probably be hard pushed to find anyone else available at such short notice. People have to organise babysitters etc. I would be pissed off.

Sickofthesnow Sun 05-May-13 12:23:42

You COULD have gone to spend time with the new mother since you are friends?
Bit of friendly female company whilst the men are out "wetting the baby's head" could have been just what she needed, and would also have stopped you feeling left out.

Missy44 Sun 05-May-13 13:13:59

Thanks for all of your comments. We moved out from the city to a more rural area to bring up our family. My fiance drove into the city but ended up drinking and had to get a taxi home. As for today, I had arranged special tickets for him to meet his favourite football team today but dp is annoyed at me because he feels that I shouldn't have said anything about him going out to wet his friends baby's head so is taking his father instead.

For those who find socialising easy when you have a small toddler, a full time job and not a great deal of available childcare that's great, but its not my situation.

So not only did he stand you up last night, he has repeated his behaviour today - plus with the extra salt-in-the-wound that you are paying for it? angry Unbefuckinglievable! OP, your fiancé is a prince amongst men (not).

Why do you stand for this? angry

AmberSocks Sun 05-May-13 13:41:22

wetting a babys head? what does that even mean?do people really do that?when i had mine dhs friends came to our house to say congrats to us both there was no going out for drinks,men only,what a load of old bullshit.

Do you really want to marry this guy? hmm

RenterNomad Sun 05-May-13 16:14:30

He dumped you again today? Bloody hell, ust put the wedding on hold while you sort your relationship out, as he's giving you loads of cause to resent him.

Maybe the compromise could involve moving back to the city/ town, where you will be less isolated (you're the one lacking childcare: he's got you). We moved to the 'burbs a couple of years ago, and I miss our old neighbourhood terribly.

Numberlock Sun 05-May-13 17:31:53

In that case, last night wasn't a one off and he's prone to sulking when challenged. Get rid.

squoosh Sun 05-May-13 17:34:59

He's punishing you today because you were annoyed with him.

Sounds like a prize.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 05-May-13 18:35:59

The thing is, OP, your fiancé didn't ask you if you minded him going as you and he had plans, he asked you if you wanted to go (without checking first with his mate).

Now he is saying YABU for saying anything about going along? That doesn't make sense. And the football thing today sounds petty on his part.

grobagsforever Sun 05-May-13 19:11:41

Horrible behavior. Are you ok op? Is this typical?

TheSecondComing Sun 05-May-13 19:26:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Sun 05-May-13 20:19:14

do you two get on,do you like each other?

2rebecca Sun 05-May-13 22:21:54

This is bizarre. I would have refused to give him the tickets if he wasn't going to be spending time with me. If you have a small toddler and limited childcare how were you going to go out anyway?
Are you just planning to marry this bloke because you've already had a child? You don't seem to like each other much and he seems to be using pathetic excuses to avoid spending time with you.
Who were you talking to about him wetting the babies head anyway? If he gets shirty about you chatting on mumsnet anonymously it doesn't bode well.
I'd be cancelling the wedding until you can talk to each other and he shows he wants to spend some time with you.

cumfy Mon 06-May-13 00:57:56

Well you chose the right solution.wink

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 01:14:01

YANBU . Your bloke should have said I have made plans with missy.

New mums fella was taking piss leaving her holding baby while he went out on piss!! Why the hell is this misses fault ? She didn't know new mum wasn't going .

Don't be a quiet seether, honestly , if your fucked off or font like done thing get in the habit of saying so. Me and DH were brutally honest with each other in beginning and it worked wonders! Keeping your mouth shut to keep him happy will only lead to you being unhappy .

whatamardarse Mon 06-May-13 01:15:11

Don't like some thing ---- sorry fat swollen fingers!

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