AIBU to have a full time nanny if I have a 3rd child, and for that to be a condition of having a 3rd?

(92 Posts)
TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 18:33:19

Curious what others think.

On the face of it, I know it makes me sound like a decadent cow, which is not the end of the world.

But here's the history - I have 2 children, aged 3 and 5, love them to bits, a boy and a girl (irrelevant). I had 2 bloody awful pregnancies; pre-eclampsia with both, and placenta praevia with the 2nd. I would be having a C-section if I were to have any more babies. Barely slept for the past 3 months of each pregnancy - in fact it was sweet relief when each newborn arrived, even if they fed 3 times in the night I was still getting better quality sleep than in pregnancy!

I come from a family of 2 children, a boy and a girl, just under 2 years apart. I have basically replicated what my mother did, so it feels complete and right for me. If there were nobody else to consider, I probably wouldn't be thinking about having any more children.

My DH, who is the most wonderful loving father and excellent husband, doesn't feel the family is complete. He came from a family of 3 kids (irrelevant?) and both his sisters had 3 kids (irrelevant?) so perhaps he feels he just hasn't ticked that last box. He absolutely loves babies and children.

However. He doesn't have to carry them, something I wasn't terribly "good" at, and he doesn't have to do the majority of care - he is in a Directors role in the City and with that comes long hours, regular travel, etc etc. This is not going to change nor do I particularly want it to, its how we roll.

The thought of going back to "babyland" - nappies, night feeds, weaning, lugging them about, pushchairs, and everything up till about age 2 where they can do some preschool and reliably walk/run and stop plastering weetabix on the makes me feel TIRED. But it doesn't mean I don't want a 3rd child - if I could fast forward pregnancy and that first stage I know I would never regret it. I know you can't fast forward it, but how about make it as easy as possible?

A Nanny to either do the school run for the 1st 2 children whilst I lay in bed with the baby in the morning, who can then take the baby if I want to pop out or take it to a baby group or something whilst I get on with some housework or a leisure activity, then maybe have the baby whilst I do the afternoon school run, help with dinner pandemonium and all that malarkey, and leave at 5 with 2 fed older children and a bathed baby...that, I could do.

We can afford it. Husband has said "sure, no worries" - he just wants that 3rd child. Who am I to deny him? Is he wrong for wanting it so much when it is such a hard couple of years for me (whereas he's back at work in 2 weeks and apart from some disturbances at night and changes to the weekend routine...

AIBU? Sorry a bit long, didn't want to leave something majorly relevant out and dripfeed...

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 18:36:29

Depends. Do you want a 3rd child? If you don't then I wouldn't be planning one. Personally, I'm no ones brood mare, so unless you are Kate Middleton breeding to order, then I wouldn't put myself through that physical trauma.

On the other hand if you are open to the idea and want a third and feel a nanny would help you achieve that goal, then do it.

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 18:38:17

There is a bit of the brood mare about it I agree Holly, and that's mainly because its him that's driving it. Do I want a 3rd child? Yes. Do I want 9 months of pregnancy and 2 years of babyworld? No. Do I want to fast forward to about 2, 2 and a half and look back and say "I'm so glad we went for it" - yes.

He's not wrong for wanting a third child you're not wrong for not wanting one.

If you think you could cope with another baby if you had a nanny, why not?

I have 2 boys & DH is muttering about a third, I've told him he'd have to leave work to help me if we did & we just can't afford that so that was the end of the discussion.

But you need to seriously think about it before coming to a final decision (but I'm sure you know that already!)

mrsslc Sat 04-May-13 18:40:33

If you can afford it, and feel that you would be comfortable with your arrangements, then why not! Every family is different, do what's best for yours!

DontmindifIdo Sat 04-May-13 18:43:21

Most people I know who went back to work and hired a nanny after the first, have kept the nanny for the second maternity leave rather than lose a good nanny and have to rehire after a year, meaning they can focus on the new baby and not upset the older DC's routines.

If it's the only way you feel you can cope with having a third and can easily afford it, then go for it.

If you don't really need full office hours, then you might find there's a lot of nannies who are looking for parttime roles to fit round other parttime roles with other families and/or study.

samandi Sat 04-May-13 18:44:04

Of course YANBU to make that a condition. But are you sure you really want another? Agree with the poster above - there's no way I'd be doing it. But it's your call.

Longdistance Sat 04-May-13 18:44:17

Maybe ask him if he wants to do the pregnancy bit for you???..............

Erm, maybe not then.

Nanny sounds like a good idea to me though.

MarshaBrady Sat 04-May-13 18:44:56

I'd say it's more about whether you really want a third child than getting a nanny.

Get a nanny it's fine, I know loads that do.

samandi Sat 04-May-13 18:45:47

Sorry replied before above. If you want another baby and can afford a nanny to do all the baby work and make life easier - then there doesn't seem to be a problem.

Theironfistofarkus Sat 04-May-13 18:47:48

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable to get a nanny. Go for it!

marriedinwhiteagain Sat 04-May-13 18:47:58

Not in the least bit unreasonable. I could have taken the decision you are making. I didn't have the courage and looking back with two lovely older teenagers it is the biggest regret of my life. Go for it.

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 18:48:51

Yes, I guess the real question is does having conditions attached to considering pregnancy matter? Deep down I think probably it doesn't, because it isn't the idea of a 3rd child in the family that bothers me at all, its the crap that is pregnancy (made much easier if I can rest whenever I want in the last 3 months because I have a nanny to deal with my children) and the drudge of weaning and just general conveyorbelt feeding/changing/napping etc that somehow just passes and gets suddenly easier at 2.

See, 2 year olds and toddlers and pre-schoolers and school aged kids are fine! Its the mega hands on care of babies that does me.

Tryharder Sat 04-May-13 18:53:27

Sounds like a no-brainer to me. I would have an army of kids if I were in your position. smile

TheseFoolishThings Sat 04-May-13 18:53:39

I'm past worrying about all this stuff grin but if I were you and at that stage of my life, and could afford it - hell yes! Yes yes yes! I say do it!

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 19:00:55

Thanks for all your thoughts. Do keep your anecdotes, experience, general brain dumps on the concept coming, thanks!

" if I could fast forward pregnancy and that first stage I know I would never regret it."
Stop beating yourself up. You've had two stressful pregnancies, and a nanny would allow your third to be a lot better. It's practical, you can afford it and your husband has already agreed.

rootypig Sat 04-May-13 19:02:25

YANBU. It sounds as though you'd like a third child, just not sure you can handle the baby years without a lot of help. Well, fine. You already have two DCs and you know what you're talking about. The baby years are hard, many people feel that way. I'd be more worried if you wanted a baby and not the child, iyswim. If you're worried that people think a full time nanny for a SAHP is excessive, it really is none of their business. If you can afford it and it's what your family needs, knock yourself out. As for conditions attached to pregnancy..... surely that's just the nature of building a family? I have 1 DC and before I have the second DH will be agreeing to a bloody hymn book of conditions-!

Go for it, and get the nanny in from when you're halfway through the pregnancy, at minimum, so you can put your feet up.

rootypig Sat 04-May-13 19:03:18

ps I hate pregnancy too grin

MarshaBrady Sat 04-May-13 19:04:28

I've thought similar. I'd have a third if we can get help, or I'm at work. I've done two long baby and toddler years, I think it's absolutely fine to put this condition on the third.

littlepeas Sat 04-May-13 19:11:03

I would have done this without a second thought if we could have afforded it. I sometimes ponder it now (although we still can't afford it) thinking along the lines of the nanny being able to help me with the 'drudge' work, so I can focus more on the nice bits! YANBU.

Theironfistofarkus Sat 04-May-13 19:12:00

I have 3 young DC and had a nanny during mat leaves 2 and 3. I have not found the jump from 2 to 3 particularly hard (perhaps because of the nanny!).

I actually still spent almost all my time with my Dc. Having the nanny meant though that I could have a shower and go for a run for half an hour if I wanted. She could cook lunch for my DC while I played with them. It really did mean I could spend more quality time with my DC and I was much happier for it.

zoobaby Sat 04-May-13 19:12:27

Sounds like my ideal situation. I often apportion funds for this very scenario out of my fantasy lottery winnings grin. As long as baby is wanted and brought into a loving and caring home then all should be great.

But what type of nanny will you get? One of those cheapo glorified baby sitters who need instructions for absolutely everything, or a proper bells-and-whistles one who knows everything and will teach you a thing or two?

Maryz Sat 04-May-13 19:13:11

Third children are a doddle.

You are used to living in a pit, managing on no sleep, and spending half your life in tracksuits. And they get weaned onto smarties and cat food, and happily spend hours falling asleep in the car/pram as you pick up the kids from activities and school.

The rest of their time is spent watching said older kids play at home.

Third children stop that awful 2 plus 2 thing you often see in families - dad with older child and mum with younger, or dad with dd and mum with ds etc. Putting a third child in the mix makes everything more interesting.

BUT pregnancy is tough when you have two little ones. I got pregnant when ds1 was 2.5, dd was under 1.

One day I woke up on the sofa to find dd screaming - she had been sick in her cot. I asked ds why he didn't wake me, and he told me he tried, but couldn't. Another day I fell asleep and fell off a chair, because i was exhausted.

So go for a third (if you want one) but get help (if you can afford it).

Maybe not a full-time nanny though. What you really need is a part-time granny and a cleaner. A granny to spend time with your older children, to read them stories and to hold the baby while you have a shower. And a cleaner so you can enjoy them all.

I employed a local woman to come in two mornings a week; the intention was that she would be a cleaner, but in fact she became a part-time childminder/granny/ironer/clear up the shambles-er. She was a life-saver, and became a surrogate granny for my three - they still see her now, 15 years later.

Queenofknickers Sat 04-May-13 19:15:43

Sounds reasonable BUT what if things change and (hope not obvs) your circumstances become different and can't afford it any more?

Bobyan Sat 04-May-13 19:15:46

Are you me? I would love a third DC but I just can't face another pregnancy...

flossy101 Sat 04-May-13 19:15:49

Absolutely. If I was in your position and could afford it, I would probably have four/five kids and a full time nanny! Don't think attaching conditions to your pregnancy matters, I would go for it, if you feel it's right for your family.

It doesn't have to be about having conditions attached - it's just about being practical.

Many people time a third so that the eldest are at school so to make life easier.

I had a nanny two days a week when I had my second (well we just kept our nanny on while I was on maternity leave). Thank god we did as dc2 was a nightmare baby - she didn't do the whole sleepy newborn thing! Low point was her waking every 20 mins at night shock I could barely function some days with a toddler in tow.

So do what works for your family.

Although I will add while practically it was great to have our nanny, my eldest (and I) found it hard because he didnt understand why mummy wasn't looking after him even though I was home. He wanted to be with me and his baby sister.

do it. I think we most of us would be like the Beckhams/Pitts if we could afford the support. I would in a heartbeat. You can afford it, do

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 04-May-13 19:19:43

You see I don't the third child is a doddle at all. My 3rd was born when number 2 was 19 months and it just meant I had years of pregnancy/bf/pregnancy/bf and no sleep.

Its the sleep deprivation that does me and also I'm not great at pregnancy.

I know lots of families with SAHM and nannies, in fact - I was seen as being very odd at school not to have any type of childcare help hmm

But I think the main thing is you sort of know deep down if you want another or not. My 3rd wasn't planned but I'm very glad about my surprise baby and never considered for a moment not having that baby. But now, there is no way I'd have any more children, that door has most definitely closed.

MrsMook Sat 04-May-13 19:24:05

Go for it. It's affordable and would make your life easier.

I've had PGP making the 3rd tri very difficult for both my pregnancies. Fortunately my CS (and symptoms of PE) was with my first birth, not the second with toddler to look after too. Trying to look after small children and a home when your body's not co-operating is tough. If a nanny will help you enjoy having a 3rd child more then go for it.

Mr Mook is currently more cautious than me about the thought of a 3rd child, and the main reason is coping with a return of PGP.

Dededum Sat 04-May-13 19:25:29

When I had our second baby, I employed a fabby mothers help part time, then when I went back to work she was full time nanny.

A full time nanny when you are around could be a bit suffocating. Think of it more as pick and mix childcare / cleaner.

PlasticLentilWeaver Sat 04-May-13 19:27:26

Sounds ideal to me. I am one of three and feel my family isn't complete with two, but at the same time I am stretched to the limit already as I work full time and 2 is tough enough. I would jump at a third if we could afford a nanny. I also find pregnancy hard but it is such a short time in the big picture.

nannynick Sat 04-May-13 19:28:55

Having a nanny could help you recover from the C section faster, as the nanny could do the running around for the older children, plus care for baby some of the time.

If you can afford it and if you can find a nanny who does not mind working with a parent at home (some really want sole charge but many will work alongside) then why not. It gives someone else a job and gives you time to recover and then to spend quality time with each child.

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 04-May-13 19:31:34

Yes the recovery from c-section is very valid. My 3rd took a lot longer to recover from and help would have been wonderful.

I love having 3, especially as youngest is nearly 4.

YANBU to have a nanny. However, are you really sure, having had two high-risk pregnancies, that it's a good idea to have a third if you're ambivalent about the idea of another baby? Every pregnancy is risky to a woman's health, some more than others. Might be worth at least getting an expert opinion on how much of a risk a third pregnancy would be to you.

jazzandh Sat 04-May-13 19:39:32

What about adoption? Could that work for you?

Shellywelly1973 Sat 04-May-13 19:50:19

I think you've come up with a good solution to a complex issue.

If i had the money i would have a nanny, cleaner & gardner....

ladythatlunches Sat 04-May-13 19:51:47

I have 5 children. Believe it or not I have never thought about a nanny ... till reading this thread.

I was coming to read and think 'Pffft who couldn't cope with 3 kids' then reading you op I think why the hell not and why the hell haven't I thought of it.

Life is hard enough if you can afford to doit go for it sounds like you would probably enjoy having a third more with help.

Staggers off to look for nannys...

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 19:56:37

Thank you everyone. Rootypig particularly; the "I'd be more worried if you wanted a baby and not a toddler" is jumping out at me. Its honestly not a 3rd addition that bothers me at all...its just that hard first bit at my age (I'll be 37 in November, 38 minimum by the time its born, mother nature willing, and 40 by the time it reaches that "magic" age of 2 ish.

Lots of people say the 3rd slots in.

Love the falling off a chair (sorry) and the trying to wake. We are all human!

I can handle a bit of that but too much daily drudge, lack of hands on support and fatigue will spiral me into depression...I had pneumonia 2 years ago after swine flu and that tipped me into mild depression, I never had PND but don't want to be too challenged, no matter how much he or I or both want the child. We have also asked our existing 2 children who would love a sibling.

Dozer Sat 04-May-13 20:02:27

Have you had medical advice about another pregnancy (eg risk of pre-eclampsia again)? For me, in a similar situation (but no nanny option sadly!) this info really helped the decision. My GP wrote to the NHS consultant who delivered Dc2, who reviewed my notes, had an appointment and discussed the risks etc, then wrote to GP / me in follow-up.

We decided not to have DC3.

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 20:02:46

This is it, Ladythatlunches, imagine school holidays, school runs, those little difficult patches of the day, that don't necessarily go on all day, that could just have that load shared.

That said it might be a pain having someone in the house I guess, in which you either go out by yourself, with the baby on your own, or make use of the nanny being there and get her to take baby out whilst you chill - because there is still lots of parenting to be done outside the hours of 8-5, its not like the baby won't know you or whatever! In fact, chances are you are dealing with one or other child and she is dealing with another child or baby...

You could be all super planny and make time for each child to have one on one time with you each week (so its not necessarily about offloading either!)

Hmmm. Still can't decide but its on the "next spring decide" list.

ladythatlunches Sat 04-May-13 20:06:33

I have 3 under 2 (twins) and ik sitting here thinking while do I struggle. I can't go out on my own unless I get a tripple buggy but then I cant get on bus or fot through doors.

My two older ones are at school but life isvery hectic.

Something has to give. Im looking now at how to find a good one etc.

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 04-May-13 20:10:27

Actually the someone else in your house is a big thing - it nearly drove one of my friends crazy.

Another friend has someone to do the school run in the morning for the older two and then the witching hours post-school, along with cleaner etc. This seems to work well as she doesn't feel suffocated but gets the help she needs.

lotsofcheese Sat 04-May-13 20:17:50

I'd be requesting a consultant referral to discuss the health implications of a future pregnancy, given that you've had PE twice already.

YANBU in terms of a nanny though!

CheerfulYank Sat 04-May-13 20:19:40

I say go for it. smile

Gwyneth P, whom I normally loathe, said "someone told me not to plan my family around the pain in the ass that is infancy, because it's so finite. Plan it around how many people you want at Thanksgiving." I kind of liked that.

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 20:21:30

Interesting about the PE - it was no bloody picnic AT ALL. I looked and felt like Jabba the Hut and god knows what was going on inside my body.

Like the school run then witching hour thing. That's a good idea if a full time nanny is too much (thought might be hard to manage). That said, a full time nanny in the last 3 months of pregnancy and the first 6 months could never be a bad thing!

YummyCalpol Sat 04-May-13 20:29:18

I would think it would be quite hard to find a nanny. Many nannies aren't keen on clients that don't work but still want full time childcare, and you may find a nanny is a bit disapproving of you

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 04-May-13 20:32:02

I'm not sure the nanny would disapprove but I can imagine it wouldn't be an ideal job, having the boss so ever-present.

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Sat 04-May-13 20:34:24

Just had my third child.... Would love a nanny more than life itself. Go for it!

Talkinpeace Sat 04-May-13 20:53:36


I said to DH I'd only have a third if I had a full time Nanny
which we could never in a million years afford - but I meant it.

DorisIsWaiting Sat 04-May-13 20:56:22

I had 3 (one of 3 and didn't feel right with just 2)

I also had horrendous pregnancies (hospitalised 7 timkes between the first 2). BUT DH stepped up to the plate and where ever possible (and I mean wherever) took care of the elder 2. He did all the cooking (I had HG and the sight of food made me want to vomit).

We survived and the sheer relief when the baby popped out and I could feel normal (ish) again was fantastic. We now have our 3 and I do feel complete. I love other people's babies but have absolutely no desire to have anymore of my own.

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 21:47:30

Tricky. I do think I'd hate to be a nanny to a woman at home (mainly; I do have a sort of little job and little business thing but I wont bore you with that)... - but actually, if I had a nanny, once recovered, when the children were at school, I would happily pop out, be busy or whatever on the basis that I could, and its the whole point, etc. I would be suggesting a daily activity (which I think babies need from a certain age...when there are not older children a toddler group etc plus have her feed them lunch etc)

That said I would be pottering around cleaning and doing stuff. I had a nanny helper person after my 2nd was born for a while and I found I would drop them off at the park and go and do stuff, or clean, or do a cupboard or something.

Arghrrr. I dunno. Now thinking I am actually done sad

Wish I could just have the decision made for me which is stupid.

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 21:56:35

But, I don't have to make the decision yet. Bah.

Dozer Sat 04-May-13 21:58:13

Not stupid to wish someone else could make the decision, it's how I often feel about adult life! smile

lookoveryourshouldernow Sat 04-May-13 22:04:40

...looking ahead though

...get a Nanny - but make sure you choose one that is athletic...

I used to ask mine to take my place at in Mothers Race on Sports Day - she used to win every time !!!

TattyDevine Sat 04-May-13 22:08:25

Dammit lookover, that's the only way I'm ever going to win!

scarecrow22 Sat 04-May-13 22:10:30

I would give my arm for a DH that wanted more children, let alone offered to pay for a OPs say if you want the child do it, with the nanny ; if not, the nanny is an irrelevance. And there is no reason to feel guilty - you had a tough time and the strongest among us would almost all say yes to the nanny, certainly for three.
Wishing you well with the decision

emalushka Sat 04-May-13 22:13:46

Go for it. But be aware, I'm in haze of newborn bliss. Just had my third and he is perfect. Has completely made my family. There will be no more, but am so pleased we went for 3. Do it! And for me, the third has been the easiest. Easy birth, sleeps through the night, rarely cries and just fits in like the final jigsaw piece. I feel so lucky. You won't regret it. Just grit your teeth to get through he 40 weeks of pregnancy!

Karoleann Sat 04-May-13 22:15:39

I had a nanny for third child 35 hours (various shifts through tout week depending on school holidays etc), dh also worked v long hours. It was good, we wouldn't be done it if it was a financial strain, nd it allowed me to spend time with my older two withouth baby being around.

Kids are now almost 7, 4 and 2 and we don't have any help at the moment, both older children are at school and its fine, but I'm glad we ad help.

Interestingly my mum (who lives 200 miles away) questioned why I needed a nanny and I did point out that she had her mum, and mil within 10 mins drive, both had us for a day each a week. Pls babysitting.

No it's not necessary, bu it makes your life and your marriage much happier so why not if you can afford it.

StarsdontShine Sat 04-May-13 22:22:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woopsidaisy Sat 04-May-13 22:24:00

I had a nanny for DS2, and I didn't work. It meant so much, as we live away from all family support.
I would do it again if I could.
Have DC3 now. But others are much older now and in school and then activities after...I enjoy every minute of my time with DC3. I still have a cleaner and DH is hinting at a DC4.... only if I get a nanny again! grin

Fefifo Sat 04-May-13 22:27:58

It sounds like you would love another child, but not enthralled by the idea of another baby because you've already got a lot on your plate with 2 older ones. I feel the same. So if you could make that short baby phase easier by getting a nanny then I would absolutely go for it. Sounds wonderful for you as well as your dh.
The only thing I would throw out there is what if your 3rd had long term additional needs so that magic age of independence came a lot later? I don't know, the chances are probably very small but for me, and this probably is ridiculous, but it does factor into the many reasons I wouldn't try for a third. I too enjoy my children more the more independent they become and I just don't think I have it in me to do the absolutely amazing job that I see parents of children with SN do with two older kids already in tow.

Afritutu Sat 04-May-13 22:29:37

I feel slightly embarrassed to be quoting Gwyneth Paltrow, but in a recent article she said someone told her that you should picture your family at thanksgiving dinners in years to come and plan around that, rather than worry about the baby years which are fleeting in the grand scheme of things. She is apparently umming and erring about a third, and recently had a miscarriage. I think it's good advice actually. If your 'family vision' is 3 kids for both of you, and you have an affordable solution to help you manage the difficult baby period in the short term, then do it.

louisianablue2000 Sat 04-May-13 23:22:06

Do what you need to do to survive. We have three, I have a lovely DH who is very hands on with the kids. When I was pregnant with DS he did most things around the house. We don't have a nanny but DD1 is at school and DD2 is at nursery 3 days a week, those days are bliss because I can have some time to catch up with myself and have some one to one tie with DS.

I'd agree with PPs that maybe a combination of cleaner plus mother's help or au pair might be a better fit for what you need, which is really an extra pair of hands.

louisianablue2000 Sat 04-May-13 23:22:51

one to on time. Doh!

louisianablue2000 Sat 04-May-13 23:23:37

Or should that be one to one even.

Snazzynewyear Sat 04-May-13 23:36:41

Agree that the nanny is a no brainer, if you yourself actually want a third but don't want the extreme pressure of all day and all night care of an under-two. But I would just echo what a pp said - is your husband's job secure? If this all rests on uncertain bonuses, or the sector is unusually volatile atm, I would hesitate if that would shunt you into the situation you really want to avoid.

BeaWheesht Sat 04-May-13 23:40:22

If you can afford it and want to then go for it.

I had hyperemesis and SPD in pregnancies as well as PND. If it weren't for the PND I'd have another one or two (have a ds and dd).

I personally wouldn't go for a nanny because I'm a control freak I can't be doing with people in my house but if I could afford to move closer to family so they could be there if thins were bad I'd definitely have more.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 04-May-13 23:44:06

If I was you I would. No two pg are the same, I've had some bloody awful ones and some that were ok (hate being pg) same with babies, my 13 week old is by far the easiest, sleeps well and is really happy (so far)

If we could afford help I'd probably have another

foreverondiet Sat 04-May-13 23:44:39

If you can afford it, and if you want to have a 3rd child why not?

If you really don't want to have a 3rd child then don't agree.

I think a full time nanny when you not working and older 2 at school is a lot of "help", so make VERY sure the person you employ has a good attitude and is prepared to clean your house too wink!!!!

With the right help shouldn't be too hard - and make sure your DH agrees to help at weekend.

bellabelly Sun 05-May-13 00:48:35

Reading your thread, I want to say yes go for it! BUT just a thought... how would you feel if it's not one baby but twins? I love having 4 kids but bloody hell it's bee hard work (2 sets of twins here). It's maybe not going to be relevant but do remember that it might not be "baby no 3" - it might be more! Does that change your feelings at all?

Softlysoftly Sun 05-May-13 00:49:34

I have always said though I love my babies to tiny bits and enjoyed pregnancy/labour, I would be happiest with:

3 month pg (the middle non pukey/non elephant months)

10 minute pain free labour

Handed a 2 year old

So until that happens yanbu!

I'm not sure about you btw but this thread and particularly the stories/envision your family bits have pushed me into deciding to have dc3 which I was erming about! and to work my ass off to pay a mothers help

wreckitralph Sun 05-May-13 00:55:50

If you can afford another child then I say go for it.
YANBU to have a nanny. One of the things I hate most are martyr mums. If you can afford help - take it. Years ago mums would have their own mum, aunties and sisters and in-laws helping out. It takes a village to raise a child. Don't feel guilty, go for it.

wreckitralph Sun 05-May-13 00:58:31

FYI my DH won't agree to a 3rd baby. We had a lot of stress with no.2 pregnancy and he says "he can't go through all that again" like he was the one with the troubled pregnancy!!!!! I would love to have a 3rd but he said NO.

Instead he has agreed that I can get a dog hmm That will be my 3rd baby.

Disappearing Sun 05-May-13 01:08:50

YANBU, that sounds like a great plan.

My mum has told me she regrets not having more than 2 kids, she also told me I was a PITA as a baby. Personally I'm happy with just 2 DC, because I know my limitations, and I'm not in the position where a nanny would be an option. However if I could have a third child who arrived as a happy 2yo then I would do so.

How about getting a housekeeper rather than nanny though, but make the role flexible so that your employee could do a bit of dropping off and picking up also?

stopgap Sun 05-May-13 01:18:36

I only have one toddler DC, but have already said that I'd like a "mother's helper" for the second, as we have no family close by, and I developed an autoimmune condition after my first pregnancy, which still plays up from time to time, and I'm sure would play up tremendously after having another child. So no, I don't think YABU in the least.

I do like my privacy, though, hence I'd prefer a mother's helper for five hours a day, say, rather than someone under my feet the whole time.

CheerfulYank Sun 05-May-13 02:35:32

Afru don't worry, I quoted the same Gwyneth article further up grin

RainbowSpiral Sun 05-May-13 10:24:41

I'd only agree to have a third child if you want a thrid pregnancy and baby and can manage on the nanny's day off.

Maggie111 Sun 05-May-13 10:33:06

I think a nanny is an excellent idea! Sod all the guilt about having one - why not?! If you were a high flying exec you'd need a PA. Why not have some help when you can afford it and know that it will give your family what they want.

firesideskirt Sun 05-May-13 12:44:50

I've got 3 and would recommend a nanny/housekeeper or a mother's help. Any of those can safely do a school run or an activity class as well as making your home and laundry clean and tidy. I am a big fan of lots of help but would not want someone who was paid to do the fun stuff with the kids while I did housework/tidying up. If you don't work yourself I would say you want someone very flexible. It may be a bit cheaper as well. Unless you already have a housekeeper that is...

Nanny, cleaner, gardener and cook.
At the very least wink
Go for it.

Ikeameatballs Sun 05-May-13 13:06:53

I would, as Dozer has said and other think about the health stuff too.

I would definitely want a pre-natal meeting with your obstetrician around the risks of pre-eclampsia and placenta praevia in your third pregnancy. I had this after PE and HELLP syndrome with dd and it conformed to me that I wanted another pregnancy (which was fine) but I would really reccommend getting a clear idea of the risks in this case.

I would also think carefully about other health issues, increased risk of twins and disabilty eg Downs syndrome, consequences of a prem birth if likely due to PE and PP.

Bonsoir Sun 05-May-13 13:09:30

Absolutely! It sounds as if a FT nanny, to whom you could delegate all the things you don't want to do, would be the right compromise here.

i have done exactly this.

pm me if you like.

Ikeameatballs Sun 05-May-13 13:14:43

Sorry for bizarre spellings

issimma Sun 05-May-13 13:15:13

Do it!

Mnetter111 Sun 05-May-13 13:54:42

It's clear most mums know what you mean about the baby phase, I found this the hardest bit and as you say, pg is an awful nightmare for you too. Am also quite indecisive, if you are happy to get out on your own for some of the day, dh is happy for you to get a nanny then yanbu, even if circs changed and you needed to cutback the baby would likely be older.

noviceoftheday Sun 05-May-13 14:40:06

Tatty, I am also crap at pregnancies and just getting to 2nd birthday with dc2 who is not a fan of sleep. Dh and I are work full time in demanding jobs and so have spent most of the last 2 years exhausted. With the pregnancy, it's been a hard almost 3 years but there are chinks of light in the tunnel. However, we are still contemplating a third dc. I am 40 (dc1 at 36, dc2 at 38) though so feel I need to make up my mind this year. I already have a nanny. This thread has been interesting for me to read as I am also torn.

my advice is that as you can afford it, a nanny with dc3 (if you have them) would be a no brainier decision for me. Good luck!

TattyDevine Sun 05-May-13 16:13:04

I just needs loads of staff don't I! Can just lie there bearing offspring then (lol) hmmm...yes though, lots of you have said you'd never regret it.

Fact is, once they are there, you just get on with it...

TattyDevine Sun 05-May-13 16:14:35

*need a load

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now