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To think my husband needs to grow some balls?

(43 Posts)
sooooannoyed Sat 04-May-13 16:18:44

Basically DH owns a 1/3 share of some commercial property/unit which was inherited 30 years ago. He has never used the property or received any money from it.

His brother has always used it as he is self employed.

DH however has always helped maintain the property ie repairs etc.

Third brother who has 1/3 share has absolutely nothing to do with the property.

They have been offered over the years to sell it (property developers). DH and one brother have always wanted sell but older brother who uses the property has always refused.

Anyway, some major repairs need doing. Older brother has told DH that he either gives up today (there at the moment), sunday & monday to help him do the repairs or his brother is going to pay a friend (on job seekers) to do it and DH will have to pay half to this friend.

I am really angry as

- only DH working and we cannot afford it
- we were planning on taking the children out over the weekend
- his brother has had many years use of the property
- DH has told him to flatten the unit as opposed to the repairs. Brother's work has dropped off a lot so only really stores truck, tools and other equipment there. DH told his brother to rent another unit for this.

- Both DH and other brother have wanted to sell for many years.

Told DH to polietely tell his brother he does not want to give any more of his weekend up or pay anyone else to do work.

DH said he "tried" to tell him but brother is having none of it.

DH is in foul mood with me and children because he's annoyed at brother.

Is DH a wimp or am I being to harsh? I always feel as if I'm the one wearing the balls in the marriage!


over the years to s

LineRunner Sat 04-May-13 16:20:33

The brother with use needs to buy the other two brothers out.

sooooannoyed Sat 04-May-13 16:25:50

Linerunner - I've said this many times but DH and other brother have always said older brother couldnt afford to buy it so they have always refused to ask him.

DH and younger brother have always seemed scared to be open and honest with him. DH has always told me it's none of my business! Funny how my DH can stand up to me but not his brother!

digerd Sat 04-May-13 16:31:47

Your DH is very wrong in taking his frustrations with his older DB out on you and the DC. His gripe is with his older DB and should be angry/stroppy with him.

His older DB has in the past made money from this property, your DH has not but is expected to pay for half of the repairs? The 3rd DB not?

That is unfair. Your DH must grow a pair and tell him "NO".

.

quoteunquote Sat 04-May-13 16:34:18

Have it valued, either he buys out the others, or he can use the money to get somewhere else.

he has had many years free use,

We pay quite a lot to rent workshops, you could redo the unit, to a legal standard, then charge rent.

All three of them need to sit down and sort it out.

Sounds like he is deliberately being difficult to deal with, in order he does not have to give up the very nice arrangement (from his point of view).

who pays the tax to the local authority and insurance?

ENormaSnob Sat 04-May-13 16:37:15

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ConferencePear Sat 04-May-13 16:45:06

This needs to be put on a proper commercial footing. The brother who uses it should pay rent and that would build up a 'pot' of money to pay for repairs and necessary maintenance. I think he should see a solicitor if the brother who uses it is being nasty about it.
There is no way he should be nasty to you about it.

SodaStreamy Sat 04-May-13 16:47:13

If he has never received a penny from it why not just cut his losses and hand it over to BIL? it would save him paying out on something he does not use or profit from. if 30 years have gone by surely doing this would not affected him or you in any way?

sooooannoyed Sat 04-May-13 16:47:46

It's good to hear that I am not being unreasonable.

Just spoken to DH who said that his brother will "fall out" with him if he refuses to do as he says. His brother is the sort who will forever stop speaking to someone over a minor disagreement or if they dont see things his way.

DH said he is being pulled two ways by me and his brother! Said he feels like jumping off a cliff. WTF?

Quoteunquote - No tax or insurance gets paid as his brother has never declared it. I've previously told DH I would report it but DH said he'd also get into trouble as he owns a share. Younger brother actually rents his own unit somewhere else even though he owns 1/3 share!!

LineRunner Sat 04-May-13 16:48:16

He is taking out his frustrations on you. Unfair.

Get a proper valuation.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 16:48:33

You and the brother who want to sell can force a sale.

or the other brother who doesnt want to sell can either buy you both out OR start paying rent

specialsubject Sat 04-May-13 16:49:53

so there's a fraudster in the family, and your partner is colluding, and the rest of us are paying.

isn't that nice of us?

ENormaSnob Sat 04-May-13 16:52:30

Sorry but this is ridiculous.

Who gives a shit if the brother stops speaking to them. He's a scrounging, piss taking twat anyway.

I would suggest legal advice but I don't think your dh is man enough tbh.

LineRunner Sat 04-May-13 16:52:34

I would imagine the twatty brother not speaking to you all again would be a bonus.

Either offer to give him the share in the unit, or force the sale. I would personally force the sale.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 16:58:43

BTW - you are allowed to earn money whilst claiming JSA - it's minimal but nonetheless, it is allowed

sarahtigh Sat 04-May-13 16:59:08

legally if a property was left to all 3 brothers any one of them could force a sale to release their share does not need to be unanimous or even a majority if brother X wants his share it either

a)has to be sold so X gets his third

b) or its is valued and then Y and Z buy X's share between them,

c) or if X does not want his share immediately it is valued and a market rent set says £ 300 a month as X has use he pays £100 to Y and £100 to Z and keeps the other £100 they all agree to put a certain amount aside for repairs or agree to split repairs 3 ways obviously wear and tear solely due to X's business is paid by X on his own and when X finishes with building they all take a 1/3 of final sale

any other solution relies on Y and Z's generosity and if they are that generous then X should pay for repairs and still get just 1/3 at final sale as has had rent free for so long even if his improvements repairs have increased value

sooooannoyed Sat 04-May-13 17:00:49

I agree with what you have all said.

He is a fraudster. DH has always been worried that he'll be liable for loads of unpaid tax if the council were to find out.

The whole situation has always got my blood boiling.

DH would never force his brother to sell. He's too scared to!

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 17:08:01

Really - if it is a viable commercial property - then the three of them should pool some resources, do it up, sell it OR rent it out and all gain an equal income from it.

sooooannoyed Sat 04-May-13 17:13:58

Hollyberrybush - I have made similar suggestions over the years as has younger brother's wife. Older brother has always resisted every suggestion put forward.

My DH and younger brother just go along with whatever older brother wants.

LineRunner Sat 04-May-13 17:19:33

If your DH and his younger brother are scared of the emotional reaction of his older brother, you have to wonder why.

Loulybelle Sat 04-May-13 17:20:01

Tell him, what would he prefer falling out with his brother or falling out with you and sleeping on the sofa and no more perks that you bring him.

If its the former, then he go snuggle his brother in the night then.

SodaStreamy Sat 04-May-13 17:23:04

just a thought but could the brothers sign over/or put in joint names the share to you and youngers brothers wives then you 2 can be the bad guys and sell/rent?

LineRunner Sat 04-May-13 17:32:55

^^ I like that idea of Soda's.

digerd Sat 04-May-13 17:34:38

The older DB is a right nasty bully and DH has done his bidding. Youngest DB will not be bullied by him and has refused to help with repairs. So bully DB goes for the one he can bully, your DH.

I understand your anger, I would feel the same, but could not tolerate a DH who put his fears of his DB above his love for you.

quoteunquote Sat 04-May-13 17:41:16

No tax or insurance gets paid as his brother has never declared it. I've previously told DH I would report it but DH said he'd also get into trouble as he owns a share

You need to sort this out, what sort of square footage floor space is the workshop, as that is how they work it out,

if you sell then they will want back payments, if it has been used as a workshop, make sure it only a store,

take out at least public liabilities, NFU are very competitive and easy to deal with, find the local office have a chat, do not stick your head in the sand on this one.

you are all liable,

You may have difficulty getting out precisely because you have left him there without paying rent, or having a contract,

before any more wood gets put on the fire, try to get the brothers to sit down and talk, it will save huge amounts of stress and money.

sooooannoyed Sat 04-May-13 18:06:30

Thanks for all the advice.

DH not now speaking to me as said I am putting him in the middle and he is stressed. Told me to f off!

diddl Sat 04-May-13 18:17:45

So he can bully you but not stand up to his bully brother??!!

His twat of a brother is putting him in the middle-if anyone is-and his is own inability to stand up to him is keeping him there!

StuntGirl Sat 04-May-13 18:26:10

"So he can bully you but not stand up to his bully brother??!!"

This. I'd be telling him firmly that he can channel that anger and frustration in his brother's direction, not be taking it out on you or the children.

sooooannoyed Sun 05-May-13 11:38:25

Well Stuntgirl, DH still not speaking to me. We had an almighty row, I told him he

sooooannoyed Sun 05-May-13 11:42:04

Sorry, pressed enter too soon!

DH still not speaking to me. Found out he'd spoken to younger brother who has agreed to chip in on materials. Apparently DH told older brother I was having a go at him and telling him not to contribute, obviously DH used this tact as opposed to him being up front and honest with his brother! Therefor making me the baby guy.

DH went up to A&E last night with chest pains - my fault apparently. He's obviously ok as he's gone to help his brother on the repairs

Oldandcobwebby Sun 05-May-13 12:16:42

You know all about the goings-on here. Therefore you are party to fraud. This is serious stuff. You have allowed yourselves to get into a nightmare situation, putting your finances, and perhaps even your liberty at huge risk, just to avoid upsetting DH's brother. You need to speak to a solicitor about this urgently. Either to get this millstone sold and taxes/fines paid, or for a divorce. I am a bloke, but I can't imagine why you are choosing to live in this ridiculous situation.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 05-May-13 12:58:20

Yes, your DH seriously needs to man the fuck up and grow some balls.

LineRunner Sun 05-May-13 13:12:37

Why mustn't DH's older brother be upset? Has he got some sort of emotional hold over everyone?

Of course now he has a very real hold over everyone - they all appear to be avoiding paying business rates together or whatever it is they should be paying.

I woiuld go cap in hand to the council and voluntarily admit there has been a huge cock-up and ask them to help sort it out. Some council departments would let you negotiate a settlement - some would be more hard-line. You could make a tentative anonymous call asking for generalised advice.

As regards your DH, he sounds like a bit of lost cause, tbh.

sooooannoyed Sun 05-May-13 13:51:03

Think I will go with ringing the council for advice. The brother definately wont sell because yet again DH said he cannot afford to.

Linerunner - Never understood why DH and younger brother let older brother control them.

Older brother didn't talk to me for first 8 years of my relationship with DH as he didnt like me because my dad had died of alcholism. He has never spoken to younger brother's wife (35 years together) because she's been married before and had already had children.

Weird thing is older brother is in his 50s never been married, no children. Not been in a relationship for last 10 years. I know he'd like to have been married.

Never been able to work him out!

sooooannoyed Sun 05-May-13 13:52:12

Mistake - younger brother 25 years together!

LineRunner Sun 05-May-13 14:05:11

Wow. That's some brother. What are the PIL like? Are they nuts as well?

Loulybelle Sun 05-May-13 14:11:16

50, never been married, no kids, no relationship in the 10 years,

Im stumped to work out why.

<insert sarcasm emoticon>

Oldandcobwebby Sun 05-May-13 14:21:06

Yes, baffling why he hasn't been snapped up.

expatinscotland Sun 05-May-13 14:35:34

I'd hire a solicitor. Time to make it clear to him that he buys your husband and his brother out or sells up. Fuck him if he stops speaking to you.

YANBU.

fubbsy Sun 05-May-13 16:12:31

The brother can't afford to sell? That doesn't make any sense. If it was sold he would get one third of the proceeds. Given that he paid exactly 0, it's basically free money.

More like he wants to continue to bully his brothers into subsidising him and supporting his tax evasion.

sooooannoyed Sun 05-May-13 18:18:12

Linerunner. Their mum died when DH was at primary school and dad when he was 19.

He's very stubborn, never came to ours or younger brother's wedding.

DH says he feels sorry for him which makes me rather angry. It's his brother's way or no way!

LineRunner Sun 05-May-13 18:25:15

That's a fair old emotionally-laden dynamic. I think you might be better off just signing over your share to the older brother, just to get rid, like SodaSteamy suggested upthread.

lisianthus Mon 06-May-13 00:42:02

Well, if you do get fed up with being bullied, lied about and to and being made party to fraud and divorce him, make sure that the property is counted in the assets that need splitting.

Actually, if EITHER you or younger brother's wife get a divorce, the cat will be out of the bag. Your DH might want to think about that.

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