to be saddened, disappointed and a little freaked out!

(50 Posts)
yearningformyyoni Sat 04-May-13 13:12:55

So back when I was 9/10 yo, I had this friend and we were inseperable up until I moved away for my Dads work and we went to different high schools.
We often had convos about our future, babies and marriage - as you do at that age. This friend (P) said a fairly unusual but gorgeous name if she had a DS, I said I would call me DS that too so that they could be twins we werent very bright

Fast forward almost 20 years and I return to my hometown with a husband and a DS who I did end up calling that unusual name! Went to a mothers and toddlers group to meet new people and ended up running into this old friend! There were hugs and kisses and all going well until I told her my DS name and her face clouded over. You got it, she had also called her son it. I thought it was quite funny and did the old, "remember when I thought they could be twins...." but she was having none of it.

She ended up grabbing her stuff and her DS and leaving after accusing me of "always being a bloody copier" hmm. Luckily, the other parents were fairly used to her outbursts it seems and welcomed me with open arms.

But I'm still a little in shock tbh. The atmosphere just changed and we used to be so close. How was I ever to know we would end up in this situation? sad

Leverette Sat 04-May-13 13:18:52

Well, she's somewhat unstable and immature isn't she. Sounds like she has a reputation for flouncing - leave her to it.

SavoyCabbage Sat 04-May-13 13:19:50

So, when you were growing up you both said you were going to call your sons 'rufus' then you both did and she's mad.?

It's probably because its a beautiful name and she's had people telling her so and now she has to share it with you.

It's amazing you both picked it. The names I liked growing up are ridiculous!

BalloonSlayer Sat 04-May-13 13:23:41


Well I expect she only remembers that she always wanted to call her DS that name, and has forgotten that you did too. TBH, you did get the idea from her so you have copied it.

If you do see her again you could apologise and say that you never thought you would see each other again so you didn't think you would have offended her by using "her" name, or - if you were feeling particularly crawly - you could say you used it as you missed her so much <heave>

But actually she sounds a bit high-maintenance and you are probably well shot of her. grin

shelli135 Sat 04-May-13 13:27:31

I am intrigued to know what name you both chose? grin

Yes she seems quite unstable

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sat 04-May-13 13:28:58

I really don't see how this is an issue. I'm assuming you haven't been in contact for quite some time so it's not like you've stolen your best friends name is it?! I can't see how you'd be expected to know that she'd be so upset, you were 9/10 years old FGS! Like one of the other posters said I'm shocked that anything you picked at that age has stood the test of time, I'm sure when I was young my ideal baby names were a combination of all five of Take That's first names!

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sat 04-May-13 13:29:37

I was going to call my children Charlotte and Craig.

They would have blonde hair, blue eyes and be dressed head to toe in stone wash denim grin

Your ex friend is madder than a box of frogs on speed!

invicta Sat 04-May-13 13:31:58

Her reaction seems strange. If the name is uncommon, maybe she is jealous that another child has it. ( curious as to what the name is).

EarlyInTheMorning Sat 04-May-13 13:34:27

It's Rory isn't it?

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sat 04-May-13 13:35:16

Early are you the mad friend?! wink

Wouldntyouliketoknow Sat 04-May-13 13:35:21

She does sound a bit odd - I think if I were her I would've just laughed it off!

But you have to tell us the name now! grin

RunRabbit Sat 04-May-13 13:38:04

What's the name? yearning

mamaggie Sat 04-May-13 13:40:15

When I was a child, I was going to have twins, a boy and a girl, called Sarah and Simon. I now have 4 children, 2 boys, 2 girls, and none of them are Sarah and Simon.

I am intrigued as to this name though wink

But I wouldn't worry about her reaction, she sounds a bit high maintenance.

Sparklymommy Sat 04-May-13 13:44:56

My children all have unusual names. I have to say when (or rather if) they meet ANYONE with the same name as them they are ecstatic! My eldest who is 10 has only ever met one other with her name. An american who was my age! That particular lady had never met anyone with the same name until she met my dd. She was more thrilled than anyone!

I think your old friend is bu tbh. How could you ever know that something said at 9 or 10 would stick?

ENormaSnob Sat 04-May-13 13:51:44

Pmsl that she hurled 'copier' as an insult!

Must admit that I have had friends that copied me from clothes down to decor and car. It is really fucking annoying.

You haven't seen her since you were a child though so doubt you would be the same as my copier grin

What's the name?

yearningformyyoni Sat 04-May-13 13:56:43

I feel like I am setting up for disappointment here but it is Dante, I've never seen another Dante hence why I said it was unusual. If we want to get really picky we could argue it's "my" name as it is of Italian descent, as am I.
But, agreed, she obviously went a bit cracked over the years. I am just saddened, especially as I was so excited to see a familiar face at my first toddlers group sad

When I was a teenager my BFF at the time had the same first name as me. We loved it at the time, and it was our little gimmick. We lost touch after we left school.

I grew up married DH and had kids. Thanks to the wonders of Facebook we got back in touch. Freakily we had both named our first born daughters the same name. Very strange as we had never even talked about babies when we were friends. Anyway we both laughed about it and moved on.

She sounds very insecure if this is such a big issue for her. Either that or a major drama queen!

CocacolaMum Sat 04-May-13 14:02:15

when I was a teen I wanted to call my first daughter Courtney and it was something my friend and I would talk about a lot.. I didn't in the end, bumped into my best friend from the time and she introduced me to her little girl.. Courtney. I was pretty touched tbh.

TSSDNCOP Sat 04-May-13 14:04:54

Haha at calling you a "copier" as her ultimate insult.

Sounds like she is still 9 though.

What are the chances of the boys being in the same class?

trikken Sat 04-May-13 14:05:06

out of my close friends our ds's two have the same first name and the other one is one letter out. I was first but it doesnt bother me.

firawla Sat 04-May-13 14:05:14

She is being silly, you both agreed you would use it so it shouldn't be too much of a suprise, I actually would have thought its quite a lovely thing to meet up after so many years and find you did both have a little Dante as you wanted when you were growing up, not many people would have a story like that for their kids having the same name!

pigletmania Sat 04-May-13 14:09:36

Oh my goodness what a silly immature woman. Well now you know how she is really like your best off without her. Any sane person would have laughed it off

yearningformyyoni Sat 04-May-13 14:10:02

They probably won't even go to the same school TSS and I didn't get much info about her child but he looked at least a year older than mine anyway!

You all have v. v. reasonable friends regarding baby names.

LazyMonkeyButler Sat 04-May-13 14:12:51

This quote from the OP tells you everything you need to know;

Luckily, the other parents were fairly used to her outbursts it seems and welcomed me with open arms.

She's obvious a childish woman with a reputation for being a diva. Please don't let it put you off going to the group again though, providing you & your DS enjoyed it.

MrsMelons Sat 04-May-13 15:00:56

I find it odd she was bothered - I would have been flattered TBH. She sounds very childish. I suspect she will tell people and they will tell her not to worry about it so maybe next time she will be fine.

My mum and her best friend both called their DDs the same name, they still saw each other and I was born after, my mum asked her if it was ok and her friend was flattered and excited.

Maryz Sat 04-May-13 15:05:43

Aha, her child is a year older [lightbulb].

Obviously you have stalked her, found out her son's name, called your son after him, and purposefully looked up her toddler group.

You want to steal her life don't you you bunny boiler

She had to leave. She's terrified you will make a move on her husband next.

Alternatively she is a loon.

thebody Sat 04-May-13 15:09:36

You can't own a name, she's mad

Andro Sat 04-May-13 15:09:46

Dante is a lovely name, I know a couple of people called that but none in England (I also have Italian heritage).

I've never met anyone else with the same name as me though.

pigletpower Sat 04-May-13 15:15:06

Tbh, my kids have fairly unusual names and i do feel a little bit pissed off when [if] we do meet a child with the same name.I know it's irrational but there we are.

Euphemia Sat 04-May-13 15:28:50

I bet it's Jason.

Bearcrumble Sat 04-May-13 15:46:45

One of my good friends recently had a baby Dante and then moved away. Are you in a town beginning with B on the south coast?

olivertheoctopus Sat 04-May-13 23:28:26

Weird. I have a Barnaby which is quite unusual and love it when we find another one!

Kyrptonite Sat 04-May-13 23:33:54

Dante is lovely. She sounds like a loon. Good job she didn't call him jack or she would be having a go at people everyday for copying her!

LemonsLimes Sat 04-May-13 23:57:50

I thought it was going to be Raphael

squoosh Sun 05-May-13 00:02:36

How weird that you both stuck to the name you favoured when you were 9 years old!

squoosh Sun 05-May-13 00:02:55

weird as unusual.

BeyonceCastle Sun 05-May-13 00:30:56

ooh Dante is lovely - can I use it as a middle name please? wink
Inferno aside always makes me think of Clerks.

Not that surprising you both used it - tis a bit like inception...I once told an ex's best man of a fairly rare girl's name who I was teaching who had the same surname as my ex...and how whenever I saw her name I thought of ex fleetingly.

Ex ended up calling his DD1 exact same name (not common) a year or so later.

Your friend sounds unhinged.

mamaggie Sun 05-May-13 13:05:39

I remember telling a random woman at an antenatal class my choice of name - and to my horror (complete over-reaction on my part) her daughter was born before mine, and she STOLE my name!!! shock

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 05-May-13 13:15:53

I had Dante on my list-DH said absolutely no way, I think it's a lovely name & yes your friend sounds batshit crazy.

Cravey Sun 05-May-13 13:17:01

She's mental stay away from her haha. On anger note though its not that unusual we have 7 of them in our extended family and I also know another 5 or 6. Make sure you tell her that if you see her again haha.

PoppyAmex Sun 05-May-13 13:26:18

True story: my clients' sister in Australia was 6 months pregnant and about to call her daughter Sunday Rose (everyone knew this), when Nicole Kidman (her mate) stole it!

Now that's shitty, because you can't really get away with TWO Sunday Roses, especially when the other mother is on every magazine!

WafflyVersatile Sun 05-May-13 13:35:51

I can imagine being a teeny tiny bit put out that my unusually named child suddenly wasn't the only one. But I would have smiled through gritted teeth and got myself over it in a few hours. Like NORMAL people.

She's being a nobber and everyone knows it so a big ole WHATEVS to her.

ben5 Sun 05-May-13 13:44:19

BrianCoxandTheTmpleofDOOM I'm till laughing about your frogs on speed!!!!

I think your ex friend is mad to!

FatherSpodoKomodo Sun 05-May-13 13:46:20

olivertheoctopus I have a Barnaby too! I also chose quite unusual names and my kids love it when they meet someone else with the same name.

I know a Dante, I like the name. If it had been me I would have laughed at both having the same name.

Your "friend" is obviously a bit loopy!

diddl Sun 05-May-13 13:56:13

She sounds odd!

The name was her suggestion & you said you'd use it as well, so I suppose you di "copy" in that way.

But you're obviously not good friends/close as you didn't keep in touch!

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 05-May-13 14:04:44

Wow. So she owns the name?confused

She is nuts. Avoid her, you're lucky to find out so soon after meeting her again, saves time.

NynaevesSister Sun 05-May-13 14:09:41

You need to head to South East London then. There are a lot of boys around here called Dante.

SoleSource Sun 05-May-13 14:24:36

Stone wash denim lol!

Is your name Wendy, OP?

expatinscotland Sun 05-May-13 14:29:51

Dante?! Beautiful and unusual? I'm speechless at both of you.

But YANBU with regards to this old mate's reaction.

gobbledegook1 Sun 05-May-13 14:51:52

Also know a Dante.

I think she over reacted, just a tad!

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