To be disapointed in the human race :(

(93 Posts)
HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 09:31:53

I went to an appointment at the women's centre at the hospital yesterday. After booking in I was asked to go round to the waiting room which was packed. I'm currently 4 and a half months pregnant and have a bit of a bump. There were plenty of men in the waiting room along with lots of pregnant women. A few of the men near me looked at my bump but didn't offer me a seat. I was fine with that as im not heavily pregnant, I do faint if I stand up too long but they don't know that.

A little while later I managed to get a seat and was waiting for my name to be called. I then saw the most painfully pregnant looking woman (tiny tiny frame and a bump the size of a planet) walk in and I thought surely someone will offer this woman a seat. Nope, not one of the men stood up. As soon as I realised this I gave her mine and had a chat with her. Turns out she is two weeks from being induced with twins and had just walked to the hospital, no wonder she looked exhausted!!!

I'm really cross that not one person in the room cared enough about another human being to offer this lady a seat, it just makes me so sad sad

Pootles2010 Fri 03-May-13 09:34:06

Um bit mean of them, but hardly the worst the human race has done?! Bit over dramatic of you imho.

cozietoesie Fri 03-May-13 09:34:52

I'd have stood up, waved in her direction, and said 'Gentleman?????' in a pointed tone with a hard look at them.

I think I'm turning into my Grandmother. (Let alone my mother.)

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 03-May-13 09:38:03

Bystander apathy. Everyone else in the room will have been thinking the same as you "Someone should give that lady a seat" but no-one believes it is upto them sad

Once you'd given her your seat if another elderly or pregnant woman came in another person would have offered up their seat.

One of my favourite sayings is "I always thought 'someone should do something about, then I realised I am someone'" I teach my children to live by that. They always offer up their seats to elderly or pregnant women or children younger and less stable than themselves.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 09:39:46

I like that cozie I wish I was gutsy enough to do that! Pootles I don't think
I said it was the worst thing the human race has ever done... :s

Purple2012 Fri 03-May-13 09:41:10

I've told my SD if she is on a bus and it's full if someone elderly gets on she should offer them her seat. It's common decency.

cozietoesie Fri 03-May-13 09:41:21

Well Grandma was fair and well-loved - but blimey, you wouldn't want to cross her.

BabsAndTheRu Fri 03-May-13 09:42:57

Yep I'm with cozie, I would have just said right guys one of you up and let this lady sit down.

phantomhairpuller Fri 03-May-13 09:43:22

I can remember being on a bus when pregnant with DS1, it was fairly busy with a few empty seats right at the back. Fwiw I was happy to stand at the front. After 2mins or so, this dear little old man stood up and said (rather loudly) 'it doesn't look like anyone else is going to offer you their seat my dear, would you like mine?' Cue a lot of people looking rather ashamed of themselves smile
I declined the offer of the seat, I think the old gent needed it more than I did!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 09:44:51

Doinmecleaning that's really good, I'm gna remember that!

I thought it was common decency too purple, that's why it shocked me!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 09:57:13

Phantom that is so sweet, this is gna come out a bit wrong but I love old men lol!! I have a proper soft spot for golden oldies like him!

SundaysGirl Fri 03-May-13 10:02:22

But one person DID care enough to give up their seat smile

This does remind me of a story my sister related about being heavily pregnant on the tube and being exhausted. No-one would meet her eye and in the end someone got up to leave right next to where she was standing. She lowered herself to the seat only to find herself pretty much sitting in the lap of some fella who had sneaked in underneath her! Her colleague shamed the hell out of him and he moved in the end!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Fri 03-May-13 10:04:05

Old men rock. I was in a taxi queue in the rain with dd in the sling when a young bloke taxi-jacked me. An old gent in a tweed suit yanked open the door of the taxi an said " young man!! Where is your chivalry?" Young bloke sheepishly got out and did the walk of shame to the back of the queue.

iheartdusty Fri 03-May-13 10:07:01

I don't disagree with you but I suppose as it was the hospital waiting room it is possible that everyone there was too ill to stand comfortably.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:11:13

I heart dusty... In the women's centre?? I feel that the men may have possibly been there to support wives/ girlfriends etc... As far as I'm aware there are only services for women in the women's centre...

'young man where is your chivalry' cracked me up!! Sounds like something my grandad would say :D

HairyGrotter Fri 03-May-13 10:11:18

I always offer my seat when the situation arises, I'm female. I don't think gender comes into it, just decency and manners.

MagratOfStolat Fri 03-May-13 10:12:36

Even when pregnant, I was first to offer a seat and the last to accept one, because my mother DRILLED it into me "first to offer, last to accept". My DP jokes that it must be tattooed into my skull.

Thing is, it suits all manner of situations - holding the door, sharing food/taxi/the bill, seats on a bus...

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 10:16:19

what's this got to do with the human race? was the entire human race in the waiting room?

RedPencils Fri 03-May-13 10:16:28

I would have stood up and so would my DH. I'd be giving it loads of tutting and eye rolling to everyone else as well.

I don't let my DCs take up a seat if there's another adult waiting either.

Can I be excuses from your shaming if the human race.

Growlithe Fri 03-May-13 10:18:00

There are plenty of people who do give their seat though. A couple of years ago we went for the weekend to London with our DDs (one was in a buggy) and my late FIL - who didn't consider himself 'old' (early sixties) but had snow white hair.

LOADS of people offered him their seat on the tube. And when we had to carry the buggy up and down steps at tube stations, we would often get offers of help from people, even city chaps (I worried about the dirty wheels on their smart suits).

Showed a lovely caring attitude from Londoners you seldom hear about. smile

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:20:51

Haha red pencils you are excused!! Booyhoo wow you are very literal! It was simply a saddening indication of how society no longer feels an obligation to care for others in my opinion. Using the phrase 'human race' was easier than saying 'every single selfish person in that waiting room' I am of course aware that there are many out there who would not act like that.

delboysfileofax Fri 03-May-13 10:21:46

Got to be honest, after the last time I offered my seat to a pregnant lady and got massively snapped at " I'm pregnant not fucking disabled" I wouldn't have stood up either!

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 10:21:59

I'm pregnant at the moment and I've found people (mainly women) have been pretty good at giving seats on public transport.

When me and my dad went to the FA cup semi final tubes were obvs v busy, and people could not always see the bump. Dad kept asking people to give me a seat. I was embarrassed but grateful.

delboysfileofax Fri 03-May-13 10:23:09

And cozietosie; "gentlemen?" why couldn't a woman offer a seat?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Fri 03-May-13 10:25:35

My experience of being heavily pregnant was very different. On a visit to London people fell over themselves offering me a seat.

When pushing a buggy round loads of people helped me with the stairs (mostly blokes in suits). I think the human race is just fine, maybe the blokes in that one waiting room were rude but most people aren't like that.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 10:26:18

heffa you need to state or at least indicate taht you are joking otehrwise people take what say as umm, what you mean!

and BTW i dont know about your society but the one where i live definitely feels an obligation to care for others. your title and your latest post about 'society' are making massive generalisations based on teh behaviour of what 6? 7 people?

dont do that if you dont want to be picked up on it.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:27:20

I think the only reason I mentioned the men in my original post was because the room was full of pregnant ladies and with it beings the women's centre, the men were more likely to be in good health and able to offer a seat. I'm not sure if cozie meant the same?

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:28:06

Booyhoo try closer to 30 people :/

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 10:28:38

Booyhoo - I agree that you are taking the title pretty literally!

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 03-May-13 10:29:35

I've noticed men can actually be more considerate to ladies with buggies etc than women.

My dad used to make my mother walk to hospital when she was pg with me as revenge for getting pg, they used to admit her when they saw the state she was in. Some people are just cunts through and through.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 10:29:53

oh 30? yeah you're right- that's the human race then. my apologies hmm

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:30:18

Thank u binkybix, I do feel I made it clear in the post that my issue was with the people in the waiting room. The title was just a title lol!

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 10:31:09

binky you are missing my point.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 10:32:19

oh fuck. you lol? never mind. you wont get it.

mumsneedwine Fri 03-May-13 10:32:21

I used to travel on the tube and was huge with first baby. I would stand right in front of the seat which had sticker saying reserved for pregnant people (always loved that !) & make sure my bump nudged their newspaper every second. Usually the person would take the hint by the next stop !!!!

Crinkle77 Fri 03-May-13 10:39:50

I was in a similar situation yesterday on the bus but not with a pregnant lady. The bus was chocca and this lady got on in her 70's. I was the only one to get up and offer my seat although she declined. When other pensioners got on after that no one else thought to get up and offer their seats. I thought my actions may have prompted others but it didn't.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:40:25

Wow booyhoo because i used lol you are writing me off as unable to understand your point? Seems a tad unfair! Although truthfully I'm not quite sure at this point in time what your problem with my actual post is? I unreservedly apologise for my use of the phrase 'human race' in the title, and my comment about society made it clear this (IMO) was an indication about society, not saying that the whole of society was in the waiting room?

It is lovely that so many of you have positive experiences to share about others, I was starting to lose hope!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:42:21

Mumsneedwine - that is so funny!! I have an image of you basically rubbing your bump on complete strangers.. Made me giggle!!

Crinkle - it makes you cross doesn't it!!

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 10:47:23

no, i already suspected you wouldn't understand my point. your 'lol' just confirmed it.

my problem with your title is that it implied something that the human race should be ashamed of. on reading your OP i realise you actually on meant the people in the waiting room. so why attribute the behaviours of those 30 people to the rest of the human race (7 billion on last count wink )? that isn't a worldwide issue, it was a waiting room issue involving only the people in that room. dont lump the rest of humanity (including yourself btw) in with them.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:58:34

Booyhoo you are so hostile! As far as I'm aware I gave you no reason to believe I am unable to understand your point. I have appologised about my use of the phrase 'human race' in the title. My post and resulting comments made it clear my issue was with the 30 or so people in the waiting room. My personal opinion is that there are many in society who no longer feel an obligation to care for others and this (again in my opinion) was an indication of this that made me sad. I feel that we has hashed this out as much as is necessary, I feel I understand your point and have explained mine. Are we done?

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 10:59:20


cozietoesie Fri 03-May-13 11:20:46

Well, dellboys. If I was in a Women's Centre, I would think it likelier that the men would be waiting - and more hale and hearty than any women present.

Besides which, it's what Granny would have said. wink

StuntGirl Fri 03-May-13 11:25:01

I wouldn't have apologised for your use of the human race to be honest heffalump, its a phrase that is widely used and understood, binky is clearly just looking for a fight over nothing.

delboy I assume she said "gentlemen" as the women in the room were clearly the ones either pregnant or ill, what with it being the women's health centre and all.

I agree wth you OP, I travel by train a lot and am horrified almost daily at people's selfish behaviour. I see more crappy behviour than caring behaviour.

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 11:27:45

Booyhoo I too understand the point you are trying to make, I just think it's an odd one that has taken the title pretty seriously. It's a way of phrasing something to explain a wider feeling that the actions of the 30 people have given the OP, which other people seem to have understood.

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 11:28:32

I'm not looking for a fight! I'm supporting the OP's use of the phrase.

andubelievedthat Fri 03-May-13 11:30:40

me ,on a bus out of London ,heading to Heathrow ,woman gets on with 5 kids ,I stood ,offered my seat she declined and said to her approx. 7 year old son ,"you sit there " ,and he did ! now I am not usually speechless ,but on that occasion,i nearly fainted in disbelief.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 11:30:55

Stuntgirl - just incase it upsets her it was booyhoo who had a problem not binky! Binky was completely reasonable smile I really try to see the best in people but like you constantly see examples of selfish, unkind behaviour and rarely see people helping each other or treating each other with respect and kindness. It's a shame sad but I will continue to give my seat up until my belly looks like a planet or is weighing me down so much I can't. And if no one offers me a seat I will sit on them grin

anklebitersmum Fri 03-May-13 11:34:23

*Heffalump YANBU.

I would be mortified if my DH had just sat there in that situation. Manners, as my Nan used to say, cost nothing.

Maybe that's the problem in todays society though they cost nothing so they're percieved by many as worth nothing hmm

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 11:40:25

"As far as I'm aware I gave you no reason to believe I am unable to understand your point."

the fact that you clearly didn't understand my point was enough reason for me to believe you didn't understand my point.

i'm not looking for a fight. i called you on something i had an issue with. does doing that mean looking for a fight? because in that case then you were looking for a fight by raising an issue you had with people in a waiting room. no? anyone raising an issue = looking for a fight?

binky- again, you are missing my point.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 11:41:42

"she declined and said to her approx. 7 year old son ,"you sit there " ,and he did ! now I am not usually speechless ,but on that occasion,i nearly fainted in disbelief."

umm, why?

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 11:42:29

Maybe you should try to explain it in a different way if you think I'm still missing it (which I'm not FYI).

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 11:44:14

Ooh very nice point anklebitersmum! Both myself and my DH were raised to understand the value of politeness and manners. In my experience, as well as helping others as in this situation, manners open doors and help you to succeed in life. I personally will be teaching my little'un to be the importance of these virtues and I hope they will see like I have that although they are free, they most certainly are not worthless.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 11:47:29

Booyhoo iv really had enough of this. Your problem is with my title not my post. You decided to try and insult me and my ability to understand. I'm done. Feel free to carry on picking a fight with binky if shes up for it but I would rather chat with the other ladies.

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 11:49:56

No, I'm not up for it. It's odd.

fromparistoberlin Fri 03-May-13 11:51:26

OP, you need to woman up! next time stand there and say


shame them , I do this fpor pregnant women all the time on the tube

people are thoughtless

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 11:53:29

Fair play binky, it's not really my idea of fun either!

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 11:54:01


fromparistoberlin Fri 03-May-13 11:54:49

so OP, next time, say something

I got very annoyed by the Dads, the non pregnant mums and the bloody interpretors taking seats!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 11:55:26

Fromparistoberlin I really did think about it! Right next time I'll put my big girl knickers on and make a stand! grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 11:56:25

Make a stand by funnily enough keeping my seat hehe

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 11:56:56

op i was responding to your comment. did you expect me not to? you asked me a question so i'm guessing you wanted me to reply. why are you now saying you've had enough when i replied to you?

i'm not picking a fight with anyone. i'm responding to posts adressed to me. that's how threads work.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 12:01:37


my point is not that i thought OP meant the whole human race was in the waiting room hmm. my point is that she was attributing teh behaviour of 30 people in 1 specific incident to all of the human race in her title. in reality of course she was just being a drama queen using that in her title. she could have easily said she was disappointed in some people's lack of manners and not pissed off anyone else in doing so. she chose to lump all people in together implying that all people would be so rude as to not offer a seat to a pregnant woman.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 12:03:03

Ok I have nothing further to say to you. I will not be addressing any further posts to you please can you give it a rest!!

Binkybix Fri 03-May-13 12:06:24

So it turns out I did understand your point perfectly after all. Great, we can drop it now.

quoteunquote Fri 03-May-13 12:08:25

Next time just say loudly, "Could anyone not pregnant or disabled stand up', (best paddington hard stare) "then take your pick"

It always works.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 12:08:43

give what a rest? i'm only addressing points on a thread- like i said that's how it works here! of course i'm not going to reply if you dont address anything further to me- why would i? confused

recall Fri 03-May-13 12:12:31

I bought 2 coffees and some other stuff at the garage recently, there was a queue of men behind me that went right back to the door. The door was a heavy one, and I stood in front of it working out how to open it with my hands full of hot coffee etc. The lady on the till actually asked "Could someone help the Lady please?" and eventually one of the men opened the door for me. I felt really humiliated and embarrassed by this.
It is sad that no one helps sad

ElectricSheep Fri 03-May-13 12:18:53

Booyhoo Are you familiar with the saying 'If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all'?

You are being rude, overbearing and repetitive. STFU dear.

Booyhoo Fri 03-May-13 12:21:33

electric sheep re-read your post. you either agree with that saying or you dont. dear.

Takver Fri 03-May-13 12:23:22

I've seen badges that say 'baby on board' - its a wee bit twee, but an easy way to make the point that you would be grateful for a seat / a bit of extra help, and also to make it clear you won't be offended.

I have to say my experience in general is that people in general are very ready to be helpful when I have heavy luggage / hands full etc, and that includes in London on public transport. Maybe you were just unlucky with those 30, or else they were all too focussed on their appointments etc.? Mind you, when I was pregnant & struggled to stand I would have either sat on the floor (most likely), or asked if anyone was able to give up a seat. But then I have no shame grin

anklebitersmum Fri 03-May-13 12:28:35

It really is indicative of society though, I love 24hrs A&E but I end up shouting at the telly about people's ungrateful, self important & entitled attitude almost every episode.

I may be turning into a grumpus in my middle age

I remember getting on the bus, heavily pregnant with twins, and having to stand for most of the way then getting a seat. An elderly man walking with two sticks got on - and I was the only one that got up to offer him my seat.

I did say loudly something to the tune of, 'here, have my seat, as everyone else clearly has more of a need of theirs'.

(PS - he was very embarrassed but couldn't physically stand. Everyone else just looked away hmm)

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 12:37:38

I think there should be some sort of campaign. Bring back manners!! I really like hearing the nice examples, but it does seem there are far too many bad ones!

TerrysAllGold Fri 03-May-13 12:37:56

"When me and my dad went to the FA cup semi final tubes were obvs v busy, and people could not always see the bump."

Are you sure it wasn't because you were wearing the wrong colour scarf, Binkybix? grin

I'm another of the "first to offer, last to accept" type. It's just the way I was brought up. My children are the same and have always been quick to offer an adult their seat on a full bus even when small. It's about courtesy, not gender.

neunundneunzigluftballons Fri 03-May-13 12:38:28

The midwives/nurses at our clinics often put their heads out the door and said seats are for patients only (it was not just a maternity clinic) and regularly told young men to move. Personally if I was heavily pregnant I would have asked for a seat, I often did and nobody ever refused. Sometimes people just don't think.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 12:41:36

Anklebitersmum, I agree. 24 hours in a&e makes me cross too. You see the nurses and doctors giving their everything to help people and barely even getting a thank you. I also hate it when people complain about waiting. I have always said if you have to wait it means you will probably be ok, it's the ones who get rushed through that you should feel sorry for. I would rather wait I think!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 12:43:19

neunundneunzigluftballons - it's shocking that it needs to be said!!

ubik Fri 03-May-13 13:16:45

Years ago I was sitting on the tube on the Central line when a very smartly dressed lady got in and announced to the carriage:"I am pregnant with twins and I need a seat please," and lo and behold someone got up and offered seat!

Takver Fri 03-May-13 13:28:59

ubik - simple answer.

I think its very easy to stand and suffer & think 'society is terrible', which not only means you are uncomfortable, but also makes your life more unhappy.

In contrast thinking 'these people are distracted and not paying attention, I'll ask someone to help' generally means that you get the seat, and IMO taking that kind of attitude leads to a happier state of mind overall.

Of course, if they all then ignore you or say no, you are then quite justified in being peed off!

anklebitersmum Fri 03-May-13 13:37:31

Oh Heffalump don't get me started...the i-phone tapping, eye rolling tutters giving it "Should be me by now innit" attitude in Accident and Emergency with a suspected splinter or a sore toe where they fell over wellied.

The clue as regards priority is in the title knobheads

I think the best example of manners under duress was the big guy who's dislocated shoulder got stuck in his ribs. Now there was a man who'd offer up his seat I'll bet.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 13:50:19

Ubik - I see your point, but my issue is that it doesn't seem to occur to many people to offer without being asked. It takes quite a bit of guts to boldly ask if someone will give up their seat. I didn't feel confident enough to ask yesterday, even once i started to feel a bit wobbly. I was just grateful when someone went into their appointment and a seat became available.

Anklebitersmum - you've got it spot on. However I do play on my iPhone when waiting in a&e (my DH is v accident prone, been there a lot!) but I don't complain promise!!

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 13:51:27

Sorry that bit was to takver not ubik sorry!!

boxershorts Fri 03-May-13 13:54:02

We have nothing to compare the human race so its illogical to be disappointed.

What we can say is we humans are survivors. Big time.

anklebitersmum Fri 03-May-13 14:07:05

Heffalump i-phone use is forgivable as you are not the patient. grin

Takver Fri 03-May-13 14:37:22

Sorry to be dense, but why are you not allowed to use an i-phone in A&E confused - dd has been twice with broken arms (obviously + us too!), and read a book while waiting both times, surely if she had been a few years older a phone/ipad would have been acceptable?

anklebitersmum Fri 03-May-13 14:46:19

it was a reference to an earlier comment Takver grin

Takver Fri 03-May-13 14:50:17

Ah, did look but failed to find it

I am safe as my phone is a museum piece grin

StuntGirl Fri 03-May-13 18:35:01

Sorry binky, didn't mean to say you earlier, just got confused! A thousand apologies grin

wigglesrock Fri 03-May-13 18:45:34

Are you sure you definitely look pregnant? Four and a half months can be a bit of a pregnant or portly question? Of course that makes no difference to the woman who came in after you but maybe you don't look as pregnant as you think grin I know I never did, I just looked like I enjoyed lots of cake.

SplitHeadGirl Fri 03-May-13 20:07:04

My sister when heavily pregnant at the maternity outpatients couldn't get a seat, along with a few other women. The place was packed with men and women - eventually one of the nurses came out and said 'Would one of the pregnant men mind giving up their seat?' My sis said then and only then a few of the men got up.

Growlithe Fri 03-May-13 20:56:52

Being the devil's advocate on this, I think some men in that environment feel very out of place and even embarrassed, kind of cling to their partner and avoid eye contact with anyone else, especially God forbid another pregnant woman. shock

Or they might just be ignorant sods.

HeffalumpTheFlump Fri 03-May-13 21:08:17

Wiggles rock, I'm well aware I'm in the is she fat or pregnant zone but I have to say I was pretty bloated yesterday and looked bigger than usual and was wearing a snug vest top so I think i did look pregnant. However I completely get that some might not notice and so I wasn't that fussed that I didn't get offered a seat. It was the poor lady who came along after me I was outraged for smile

petitfiloser Fri 03-May-13 21:11:44


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