AIBU to think things are just not "nice" anymore

(33 Posts)
Havingamadmoment Thu 02-May-13 08:13:28

Dh and I have been lucky the last few years all the talk of financial problems etc just haven't affected us. We live in a sort of bubble really, self employed in a business that hasn't been affected and I know we have been very lucky so I'm putting that disclaimer first since this is AIBU after all!
I also don't know that much about politics , I vote but I don't get heavily involved so this isn't about that.

However, the last year especially it just feels like the world is now unfriendly, I have been verbally abused on buses for having too many children, I have had had terrible service from people on officialdom , there seems to be a undercurrent of unpleasantness which I hadn't noticed before.

Is the world more unfriendly now or am I just getting old?

I agree, in many cases common courtesy seems to have gone out of the window.

MisForMumNotMaid Thu 02-May-13 08:17:31

YANBU. But i don't think its aggression I think its defensiveness. It's as though everyone feels pitted against everyone else.

On the other hand you get to see the best side of humanity with those going the extra mile to set up and donate to things like food banks for those struggling as a result f all this change.

Dolallytats Thu 02-May-13 08:20:50

YANBU-sometimes it feels like everyone is just out for themselves. Basic manners have gone out the window and it just makes everything a bit more unpleasant.

LifeofPo Thu 02-May-13 08:25:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTTMummA Thu 02-May-13 08:27:16

Yes, I agree that it is mostly defensiveness.
I am seeing less patience for people 60+ especially on buses, people are just ignoring them.
Im not sure what it will take to change this feeling though.

LifeofPo Thu 02-May-13 08:28:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MomsNetCurtains Thu 02-May-13 08:36:22

I'm not sure how your lack of financial problems has anything to do with your question. confused

But I don't think YABU. Society has changed in my opinion, and not for the better.

Havingamadmoment Thu 02-May-13 08:38:11

I just put it to say that I know other people have suffered more in the last few years than we have.

YANBU.

People are more judgy. Eyeing up what you spend and what you do. We were on benefits until last week and we bought some furniture for DD1s room (that we saved for) and I could tell some family were judging us for it.

People are under a lot of stress. Even if they have a job they are wondering how long for. Its sad to see.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 08:47:16

I don't see what your finances have to do with other people's behaviour.

YABU anyway, behaviour on buses has always been vile, there have always been rude/drunken yobs ready to give abuse and there have always been rude staff when dealing with companies.

Tailtwister Thu 02-May-13 09:00:22

Well, I do agree that financial pressures are huge and people are likely to be more short tempered because of that. The constant worry can really get you down. Like you say, you're lucky this hasn't affected you.

People are generally less generous towards others nowadays and I suppose that's what you're experiencing. People will always look for others to blame.

Cravingdairy Thu 02-May-13 09:01:46

I can't say I've noticed anything different and I live in a city very badly hit by redundancies. The coalition's policies do seem designed to set us against one another though and perhaps it's working.

melika Thu 02-May-13 11:10:51

I do get what you are saying, just feel like you are doing your best to be pleasant and helpful and no one else bothers. I'm especially pleasant to pensioners because I realise they may have not spoken to anyone that day.

I was at the local hospital after a trip to A&E, waiting for my lift and was directing people to the right buildings. Life does not have to be miserable. Some people thrive on it.
YANBU.

FlowersBlown Thu 02-May-13 11:18:33

Totally agree. This government is trying to justify its economic policy by turning people against each other. More than 2 kids? A drain on the state. No kids? Who's going to look after you when you're old, the state? It's become very personal, and that is leading to people feeling justified in being very critical of other's life choices.

brunette123 Thu 02-May-13 11:22:54

you are def nbu

the biggest thing I notice nowadays is impatience - impatient drivers, impatient people in shops/queues/escalators, impatient people when you are trying to explain a problem to them - everyone wants everything now and wants everyone else to get out of the way. I think many car accidents are caused by people being impatient and driving too fast.

.

aldiwhore Thu 02-May-13 11:23:54

I think it depends where you are. My village is still full of meaningless pleasantaries that do nothing more than allow me to remain cheery yet miserable, a lot of folk here have been affected by the last few years of recession, and more generally the constant BAD NEWS headlines of recent years. I do feel though that actually our villagers put more effort in to be nice, it's like we're in denial to an outsider, we're not, but being nice is all we have to cling to at the moment.

I'm sure that if our village were bigger, and less familiar, clinging onto niceness would be harder.

My other 'home' is the same (not second home you understand, heart hom) so I think I'm lucky.

I have noticed random strangers being less calm, and when accidents happen, more rage and blame is spouted than is necessary.

dogsandcats Thu 02-May-13 11:26:19

Probably people are also scared.
The future seems more uncertain.

Counting your blessings can be a good idea anytime, but especially now.

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 02-May-13 11:27:24

I think it's a direct consequences of negative press in papers like the Mail and the governments attack on benefits.

People are encouraged to eye each other up and judge whether what they are getting from the government is fair - why should you get child benefit, why should you get free bus travel, how come you've got x and I can't afford it...

They use that discontent to push through the policy decisions that they want.

Whether or not you agree with their policies I think it is vile to deliberately try to stock up discontent.

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 02-May-13 11:29:44

I actually find everyone where I live very pleasant, but there are UKIP posters everywhere! I find it quite odd.

KoreRenati Thu 02-May-13 11:30:45

YANBU People seem to be more segregated nowadays. And I don't mean just race, sexist gender stereotypes seem more prevalent than I remember them being, different groups seem to be at each others throats for perceived imbalances

Bobyan Thu 02-May-13 11:37:58

Stealth brag?

MomsNetCurtains Thu 02-May-13 13:37:10

the biggest thing I notice nowadays is impatience - impatient drivers, impatient people in shops/queues/escalators, impatient people when you are trying to explain a problem to them - everyone wants everything now and wants everyone else to get out of the way. I think many car accidents are caused by people being impatient and driving too fast.

^ This and...

I have noticed random strangers being less calm, and when accidents happen, more rage and blame is spouted than is necessary.

^ this. Spot on!

LessMissAbs Thu 02-May-13 13:50:46

I've noticed how abusive many people can be, often people you wouldn't think would resort to verbal abuse. Intolerant of other people's political views when really quite mainstream (because no political opposition would be a dictatorship, right?). The vitriol around Margaret Thatcher's death was just awful.

In the last year, I've had two drivers of cars behind me making throat slitting and guns to the head gestures, I've had someone trying to drive into me deliberately in a car and someone try to mow me down in a car park when I was walking across it - all traffic incidents, but probably the most I interact with strangers. I'm wondering if its where I live - drove across Germany and Holland last year and had not one single incident, went to Turkey (known for its poor driving) on holiday and hired a car and found the drivers calmer and more considerate than here.

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad Thu 02-May-13 14:01:31

YABU. There have been rude, violent, unpleasant people in every generation. Just read Juvenal (born around 100AD) who complains about 'the rude youth of today' and corrupt politicians and impatient people who cut him off in the street.

But it's possible that the recession has led to more stress and shorter tempers, perhaps?

averywoomummy Thu 02-May-13 14:05:33

I think you are right. I was only thinking about this the other day. I think people have generally become much less "giving" not just financially but also their time, patience etc.

I volunteer for a local playgroup and 6 years ago when I joined everyone took it in turns to help set up/tidy etc. Now we really struggle for volunteers and all the mums just leave at the end. They can't even be bothered to throw away their coffee cups - just leave them lying around. The same with our NCT - everyone was always really keen to help and now it's a struggle.

I think that when things are going well (as they were before 2008) you feel like you want to give something back and maybe if people are not worrying about jobs/finances they have the time and energy to do so - but now things are bleaker people seem to not be so bothered or maybe they can't face it. It's really sad.

I would say yes you are right but my faith in humanity was restored just lately thanks to two lovely girls from London.
Was on the tube and the doors closed before my dh & dc could get on, i don't live in London and it was a very frightening experience for me. But these two girls calmed to down and got of the train with me and helped me contact my dh.
But overall the above isn't an overall description of the public of late, unfortunetly.

People have watched me struggle folding my pram with shopping on the bus whilst tutting at me and whilst the driver started to speed off.
People don't hold doors open much anymore.
Please and thankyou seems to have gone out the window, especially at the school gates when i have let others past.

I think the best thing we can do as people is be polite and kind ourselves and hope to gain the same in return.

WilsonFrickett Thu 02-May-13 14:20:19

Set up a media culture where people are encouraged to think that the old, the disabled, the forrin, the benefits claimants, the poor, the ones with more than 1 kid have more than 'you' have - and this is what happens. YANBU

TigerseyeMum Thu 02-May-13 16:02:02

Exactly ^^

Hate crime against any type of disability is at record levels. Lead by a culture of negative stereotyping and pitting social 'groups' against one another. People are resorting to that last retreat of Toryism, making sure you're alright and trampling over others to get what you need. Saw it under Thatcher, her policies influence today's policies and the attitude is back.

Isiolo Thu 02-May-13 16:04:25

'There is no such thing as society'

forevergreek Thu 02-May-13 16:11:27

I can't say I have noticed an increase in particular.

We are in c London, every day cars stop for us, bus drivers wait, people on tubes give up seat for toddlers. Old folk comment on good behaviour, or laugh and reminis about bad. Doors are held open, and children welcomed into restaurants.

Sure te occasional person, but hasn't there always been

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Thu 02-May-13 16:17:20

It's the Mail and the Cutz, I tell you...... hmm

needaholidaynow Thu 02-May-13 16:21:40

There are some nasty, intolerant, rude, selfish and unpleasant people out there, you're right. There is absolutely no need for it at all.

I find the school playground bitchiness unnecessary. I actually look forward to my children's school days and won't let anyone ruin it for me. I just cannot understand the need to be so nasty to other parents.

There was a woman on the bus the other day, in her late 50s early 60s I would say, and she sat down across the aisle from a youngish woman sat at the front. The young woman sat at the side of her was sat on the outside seat and window seat next to her was free. When another lady got on the bus, the older woman snapped at the younger woman and told her to move for the lady getting on the bus. Didn't even give her a chance. Her attitude was appalling and she was glaring at me the whole time we were on the bus (probably because I dared to go on a bus with the pram) grin

So yeah, a lot of unprovoked, chip on your shoulder type snappiness from some people that there really is no need for.

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