WIBU to discuss DH's vasectomy with the kids?!

(33 Posts)
loopyluna Tue 30-Apr-13 21:15:59

DH is getting the snip on Friday. Kids are 13, 11, 7. They will want to know why Dad is going to the hospital -(he has to be there at 7am so I will take the youngest with me to drop him off.)

Is it more reasonable to run the risk of freaking them out totally (ie, the thought of us aged parents having sex shock ), or would it be better to invent some sort of vague check up to cover up?!

If it was just the little one I would tell her Daddy was having an operation so that he wouldn't make any more babies, but given the age of the older ones, I really have no idea whether honesty is the best policy right now!

If left to DH, he would probably say he was going to the dentist!

Whaddya think?

McNewPants2013 Tue 30-Apr-13 21:18:29

I would tell them. At 13 and 11 they should have a basic idea about sex and ways to prevent an suprise pregnancy.

ShowOfHands Tue 30-Apr-13 21:20:57

<shrug> I remember my Dad having a vasectomy. DD knows DH wants one. It's just a fact of life. I wouldn't worry about embarrassment. You could be at it on the kitchen table when your teenage ds brings his girlfriend home just like my inlaws and THAT would be embarrassing.

ChasingSquirrels Tue 30-Apr-13 21:22:11

I would tell them. My dad had one, thinking about it I have no idea when - but I have always known.

CajaDeLaMemoria Tue 30-Apr-13 21:23:30

I wouldn't tell them, but mainly because they don't really need to know, if you see what I mean.

You could make something up end save the embarrassment and he's more likely to get sympathy from them, too!

PandaG Tue 30-Apr-13 21:23:34

DS asked when quite small why I was so sure we weren't going to have any more children. He already knew about the mechanics of sex so explaining contraception - in particular vasectomy was fine. DC are 13 and 11 now, and they are both aware of DH's vasectomy and it is no big deal.

I'd explain to your 7 yo exactly as you suggest, and if the older ones ask you could say something very similar. I think it is positive for children to realise their parents are in a physical loving relationship.

mrsjay Tue 30-Apr-13 21:24:56

would you tell them if it was you being sterelised sp? I think you should tell them My dds know I was done if you dont want your 7yr old knowing the ins and outs say dad is away for an operation so he cant make anymore babies

5madthings Tue 30-Apr-13 21:27:41

I would tell them, i remember my dad having it done and my parents told me and explained why he was uncomfortable and we werent to jump on.him etc.

conorsrockers Tue 30-Apr-13 21:30:11

We told ours. The reaction was similar to what it would have been if we'd told them he was going to the dentist blush just drop it into conversation so they have the option to walk away if they don't want to know anymore!

Whojamaflip Tue 30-Apr-13 21:30:37

DH was "done" about 12 mths ago and we explained to the dcs that dad was having a small operation so that we couldn't make any more babies and that he would be very sore for a few weeks days so no using him as a trampoline grin

They ranged in age from 10 down to 3

WellJustCallHimDave Tue 30-Apr-13 21:32:14

I wouldn't think twice about telling them. Why would you not tell? It's not a crime or a dirty secret, it's a fact of life.

thebody Tue 30-Apr-13 21:34:10

Well it's up to your ds really. His body.

thebody Tue 30-Apr-13 21:34:26

Soz your dh.

We have been pretty open with our dc's about DH's vasectomy. At the time we only explained it to DS 1 who was old enough to understand.

StuntGirl Tue 30-Apr-13 23:05:14

Agree it's up to your husband but there's absolutely no reason for any embarrassment or coyness about it.

anastaisia Tue 30-Apr-13 23:11:25

I'd think it would probably be quite a positive lesson/discussion about avoiding pregnancy being an equal responsibility and a good chance to remind the older ones about the existence/use of contraception. They're (hopefully) young enough that it won't be aimed directly at them so might not be so embarrassing! But old enough that it could be relevant to them in the not so distant future...

We actually had The Conversation last week - a friend's dog is going to be neutered so we had to change school run arrangements, which ended up with us explaining that neutering was fixing it so the dog couldn't have puppies ever. No4 son (age 6) said "so did you get Daddy neutered after you had me?" and I said yes grin
They are 10, 8 and 6, and much giggling ensued because it involved privates and goolies and testicles but they got the gist and none of them seem to have dwelled on it or have mentioned it since. I did say that mummies can have a similar operation but that since I'd done the work of having the babies in my tummy that we decided it was Daddy's turn when it came to preventing any more...

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Tue 30-Apr-13 23:25:50

I would tell them, it is no biggie at all. It is up to your DH though.

Flobbadobs Tue 30-Apr-13 23:49:06

Told them both (DS is 12, DD1 is 7).
DS had a bit of a cross eyed moment when DH explained what was going to happen but that was about it.
YANBU, don't see the problem.

loopyluna Wed 01-May-13 10:44:35

OK, we'll tell them.
Will blame you lot if they are scarred for life wink

FrauMoose Wed 01-May-13 10:49:38

We told my stepchildren - daughter very young at the time. We also mentioned that we'd get fish and chips for tea that night, as by the time I got Spouse back there'd be little time or inclination to cook.

Anyway I got Spouse back, who was in some discomfort as the local was beginning to wear off. To be greeted by my stepdaughter cheerily asking not after her Dad's well being but, 'Did you bring the fish and chips?'

pickledginger Wed 01-May-13 10:53:31

I wouldn't tell them. With a 7 year old it would mean by the end of the day she will have shared it with her teacher, her friends, the dinner lady ... Your DH will have her classmates' parents asking him how his bits are when he goes to get the paper!

pickledginger Wed 01-May-13 10:55:32

Sorry, thought you'd said your youngest was DD blush

aldiwhore Wed 01-May-13 10:56:09

I would tell them at different levels of understanding.

So I'd keep it VERY simple with the 7 year old and base what I say on what knowledge said 7 year old has. For example, at 7 my son knew daddies planted seeds in mummies, but didn't know the exact mechanics.

I'd be more up front with the 13 year old for sure.

I think honesty is a good thing, but age/knowledge appropriate honesty is the best thing!

PiHigh Wed 01-May-13 10:56:48

We told ours, they're a lot younger than yours though. Like you I had to drive Dh there and back and I didn't want the kids bouncing on him because he was home for the afternoon grin. Just yesterday DD1 said "You can't have babies anymore can you Daddy? Cos the doctor chopped them out!" grin

HandMini Wed 01-May-13 11:06:28

If left to DH, he would probably say he was going to the dentist

It's his op and his body so I wouldn't tell your children. I'd ask him to tell them in the way he chooses to. You can let him know that you think its best to tell them the truth but to be honest I think "dads going in for a check up" is fine.

When you want to talk contraception with them you can tell them what your choices are / have been in the past.

I'd tell them. Tell the eldest 2 in more complex language than the little one.

And also stock up on bags of cheap frozen peas for the swelling!

meditrina Wed 01-May-13 11:17:10

What does DH want to do?

There's no reason not to give a basic truthful description if that's what he wants to do. But if he wants it to be private, then his wishes should be respected. Though in that case, ask him to be the one who comes up with an unalarming cover story - which will need to be flexible, as although most men have straightforward procedures and don't need much time off games, there's always the chance he'd be in the unlucky few who do have complications.

FrauMoose Wed 01-May-13 11:41:25

I think while it would be a man's 'right' to tell whatever story he wants, there are drawbacks.

It'd be unusual to take even quite a short time off work after a dental appointment - althought that doesn't matter if the guy is going back to work the next day You would be advised not do any sport afterwards - so if someone routinely goes to the gym etc, that might be noted. There's the business of providing samples afterwards - necessitating more trips to a hospital or clinic. And very occasionally there are complications. So the chances of being caught out one way or the other strike me as reasonably high. And then the message given out to young people is that anything sexual is a matter for deceit, lies and concealment.

Samu2 Wed 01-May-13 12:17:03

I told mine when DH had his, my youngest was 4 at the time. No, that's not true, we had a baby as well but obviously I didn't tell a 4 month old grin

I saw no reason not to tell them and my 4 year old liked jumping on him so I told her that she needed to be careful as daddy has had a minor operation to stop us having any more babies.

I went into a bit more detail with the older ones obviously.

Startail Wed 01-May-13 12:24:16

I'd tell them, my two DDs have always known Mummy takes pills to stop either of them having to share their bedrooms.

It is a long standing joke here that a baby would have to sleep in the bath.

Actually, I've always been very honest that DH and I don't want any more DCs because DD2 is really good with little children and it's always seemed kindest that she never thought of a baby sibling.

loopyluna Wed 01-May-13 21:35:38

The 11 year old and 7 year old know now as they heard me exclaiming in shock when DH told me he was planning on playing footie on Sunday (op on Friday hmm
They asked why he couldn't play so I said because on Friday he was having a little operation at the hospital to stop him being able to make babies. They both grumbled that they'd like a little sister then went back to their game! No concern for dad's state of health though!

My eldest was out so missed the conversation so I'd better remember to mention it to him tomorrow. He's at that horrible self-obsessed age anyway so is unlikely to care in the least!

x2boys Wed 01-May-13 22:32:44

i,m not sure what i would tell a 7 yr old my ds age 6 knows he he and his brother came out of my tummy and that both he and his brother grew into babies from a seed daddy planted in my tummy but i dont think he thinks too much about how daddy planted the seed what most ammuses him is that i have told him just little bits that he was born with a cord around his neck and had to be rushed off but when he asks about his little brothers birth [ventouse] he thinks its hilarious that his brother had to be pulled out with a plunger on his head!

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