I KNOW i'm not being unreasonable. Just posting here to check. . .

(36 Posts)
TheCunnyFunt Tue 30-Apr-13 18:12:49

I apologise in advance, as this is yet another in laws thread.

DP wants us all to go on holiday with his mum and 2 younger brothers (17 & 20). I don't know what to say. I went on holiday with them when I was 17, 2 weeks of hell in a caravan in Cornwall. I also moved in with them 9 months after the holiday, lived with them for 10 months!! I get on ok with MIL until we live together like that, we're just so different it makes it very difficult to get on after 24 hours.

She's so clean and efficient and I'm just a slattern! She cleans constantly, I'm a late riser in the mornings and when I lived with them I'd get up around 9 and find that tea for that night had already been cooked and was sat on the hob cooling down. She never stops and she gets mad at me for not cleaning enough in my own home.

I just can't go on holiday with them. If it were a hotel then I would. I'd be there like a shot! But the 2 options are a static caravan in Cornwall, or a Villa in Spain. I just don't see how going away to cook and clean can be a holiday either! And we have a toddler now, DD will be 2 when the holiday is taking place.

The BILs are always fighting too, not play fighting, actual fighting! MIL has a scar on her forearm where she waded in the middle of one of their fights last year to break it up. The 20yo is a twat, he will kick off at the slightest thing if he doesn't get what he wants right there and then. He recently caused a few hundred pounds worth of damage by smashing MILs kitchen sink because the clutch went on his car when FIL was driving it.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? Please say I'm not!

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged Tue 30-Apr-13 18:14:37

Sounds like a free holiday with entertainment to me. I'll go.

thebody Tue 30-Apr-13 18:18:05

You would be mad to take children anywhere near violent men.

Can't understand why you would even consider it.

Yrnbu.

GettingObsessive Tue 30-Apr-13 18:19:47

No I don't think YABU, but you are going to have to find a way of telling your DH and, more importantly, MIL this without upsetting the Applecart.

Euphemia Tue 30-Apr-13 18:21:23

Tell DP to take DD, and you stay home. smile

lottiegarbanzo Tue 30-Apr-13 18:21:52

They sound like the subjects of a reality show, or a soap!

Anyway, if DP wants to go, he needs to know what your terms are (lie-ins when possible, no cleaning except at the end of the week, everyone taking turns cooking, a couple of nights with others baby-sitting so you two can go out for dinner, absolutely NO diaplays of aggression in front of your DD (that's really in a whole other category to the rest) etc) and enforce them.

Or, you really don't ant togo, so you don't go. Would you be paying your own way, or is this an invitation to join them? If you can afford a holiday, obviously you want to choose what it is.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 30-Apr-13 18:25:19

Btw how does your DP rationalise your DD being around a violent man? What sort of example does he think this is setting about acceptable behaviour and what one should tolerate from others?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Tue 30-Apr-13 18:27:26

Could you get next door caravans? Say its so your child has their own space and routine. It just has the added advantage your away from each other

lottiegarbanzo Tue 30-Apr-13 18:28:00

...oh and even if you can't afford a holiday and they'd be paying, if it wouldn't be a pleasure for you, you don't go (obviously) - so that's your gold-plated YANBU.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 30-Apr-13 18:30:50

If this is your only chance of a holiday this year, that's a shame, but what is the attraction? If your MIL finds fault with your domestic skills at home she won't be easy-going on holiday. If your DP's brother sees a red mist at the drop of a hat I'd not want to be around him with a young DC either abroad or in a confined space in the UK. Let DP go if he wants.

quoteunquote Tue 30-Apr-13 18:33:21

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Feel free to use any or all of those, if anyone mentions it again. (if you run out I have more.

Holiday - A break from your normal life, in which you relax, and enjoy. from which you reluctantly return home, happy and de stressed.

Get MiL to send your BiLs on a tall ships course(any outward bounds type thing), and book herself a get away with a friend,

and your family should find a nice relaxing beach holiday to have fun on.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 30-Apr-13 18:35:32

I agree with quote.

very well said indeed, quote grin

CaptainSweatPants Tue 30-Apr-13 18:37:30

Go to Spain
Get an adjacent villa for the 3 of you
Lie by the pool while mil cleans & cooks & looks after dd

ChaoticTranquility Tue 30-Apr-13 18:40:40

What quote said grin

TheCunnyFunt Tue 30-Apr-13 18:41:46

Forgot to add, this will be our only chance of a holiday this year, it'll cost us money but if we chip in with this one it won't be as much as if we were going alone.

TheCunnyFunt Tue 30-Apr-13 18:44:11

Quote your post wasn't very clear, was that a yes or a no? wink grin

WandaDoff Tue 30-Apr-13 18:45:07

I agree with quote too.

SofaKing Tue 30-Apr-13 18:46:58

Don't go. I've committed to a week in neighbouring caravans with my in laws and I am already regretting it. Mil is demanding we send her a shopping list NOW of things we might need, as we are getting the train and they are driving. It is helpful to offer, but does she need to know 8 weeks in advance? She has literally mentioned it every time she has phoned.

Alcohol will be top of the list when I get round to composing the bloody thing.

Dollylucy Tue 30-Apr-13 18:47:13

It's great when you go on a villa holiday with someone that likes to clean and do the cooking. They are the only negatives about a villa holiday I think
NOt sure about the violent brothers though?

YANBU, sounds like hell on earth.

NO is a complete sentence.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 30-Apr-13 18:52:17

YANBU but tell me...how on earth do you get up at 9.00am when you've a baby?

DontmindifIdo Tue 30-Apr-13 18:56:00

don't go.

You can use the excuse of them being violent round a child to be your excuse.

TheseFoolishThings Tue 30-Apr-13 18:59:25

What are the odds of you being able to get through to DH just exactly how much of a bad idea this is? Does he get how you feel about it? Or is he dead set no matter what?

Jengnr Tue 30-Apr-13 19:02:54

More to the point, why does your husband think it's a good idea?

TheCunnyFunt Tue 30-Apr-13 19:03:23

It's more like 8 nowadays sad occasionally get 9 though! DD wakes up around 7, sometimes she'll happily play in her cot until 8ish, sometimes she'll go back to sleep around 7.30 for an hour or so, and sometimes she'll just stand in her cot and yell so I'll bring her into our bed, stick Cbeebies on and have another half hour of light snoozing grin

TheCunnyFunt Tue 30-Apr-13 19:10:01

He thinks it's a good idea because he doesn't remember the hell it was going on holiday with them and me living with them all. He knows what they can be like, but as far as he's concerned it's better than no holiday at all!

singingsoprano Tue 30-Apr-13 19:35:58

What Quote said smile

Is there any way that you can have a caravan on the same site but not share one? Your own space but still lots of contact (and a babysitter grin) There is no way that I could share a caravan with any of my own family or in-laws, and I get on very well with my own family at least. I need my own space and my children (and theirs) need their own routines.

TheCunnyFunt Tue 30-Apr-13 21:02:34

No, we wouldn't be able to afford it sad if we could afford it we would!

DontmindifIdo Tue 30-Apr-13 21:44:32

It's got to be a no. There's no way you can call that a holiday.

Andro Tue 30-Apr-13 22:37:36

TheCunnyFunt - does he have any concerns about you and his DD being around a volatile, violent adult?

cheesesarnie Tue 30-Apr-13 22:43:30

holiday with two violent men and a lady that you do not like v no holiday?

no holiday imo! it's not a holiday!

thezebrawearspurple Tue 30-Apr-13 22:48:41

yanbu, sounds like a nightmare, keep saying no.

oohaveabanana Tue 30-Apr-13 22:52:23

What quote said. With bells on.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Tue 30-Apr-13 22:59:10

What Quote said. grin

What quote said.

I like my in laws and get on well with them but going on holiday with them was a miserable experience. I can't imagine doing it again let alone putting myself and a child into a potentially violent situation

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