to be annoyed at MIL pronouncing DD's name incorrectly

(89 Posts)
myhousewillneverbetidy Mon 29-Apr-13 13:29:25

We don't see in laws that often, maybe 2/3 times a month and haven't always had the best relationship with them (in fact they stopped speaking to us for several months and we still don't really know why )

Anyway the last time we saw them MIL kept pronouncing dd name incorrectly. DDs name does have 2 ways of pronunciation but she is 2 so would expect grandparents to be able to remember by now!!

I didn't say anything as we have such a fragile relationship with them and they would see it as me picking fault with them. I quietly seethed through the whole visit though


BlingLoving Mon 29-Apr-13 13:30:47


YABU not to have said anything and to be seething after. Doesn't matter how good or bad your relationship is - they're saying her name wrong. Correct them firmly but politely on the spot. They are being passive aggressive and unnecessarily unpleasant and DD's name is her name. Not an optional choice of how to say tomato.

My entire family pronounce my DS' name incorrectly as do my friends and even random strangers that I have just told his name, actually making out as if I am the one pronouncing it wrong. You could talk to them about it but in my experience they will quickly 'forget' the conversation.

NumericalMum Mon 29-Apr-13 13:34:50

Your DC will correct them when older, don't worry!

OHforDUCKScake Mon 29-Apr-13 13:34:51

Correct her, correct her, and correct her again.

Some family members on my side and exdp's side spell DS2's name wrong. I corrected them a few times, but they continued. I stopped for a bit not wanting to sound like a nag.

Then I thought, no its his flippimg name! His grandmother of all people should know how to spell it.

So I started correcting everyone, every, single, bloody, time.

He's two soon and I still need to correct some of them.

In text for example, I will reply "Yes, we'd love to see you in the Easter holidays, we're really looking forward to it! See you soon! P.S its [sons name] with an O.

quesadilla Mon 29-Apr-13 13:35:30

YANBU. It's really disrespectful. I have a child-hating child free friend who routinely (and very obviously on purpose) mispronounces my daughter's name to make an oh-so-subtle point about how uninterested she is in children. It incredibly passive aggressive and I have and will continue to call her on it.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 29-Apr-13 13:36:18

Ach, the time will come soon enough when your dd will turn to her gp with a quizzical/annoyed look on her face and correct them herself. grin Not worth seething about it.

Startail Mon 29-Apr-13 13:41:13

Yes, leave it. Your DD will tell them soon enough or decide the mispronounced one is just her grandparents name for her.

My nan had a shortening of my name no one else used and I let my great aunt and only my great aunt use my full name.

Both are long gone, but I still remember their naming foibles fondly.

Ask her why she says it wrong.

If she is doing it deliberately, she'll either be wrong-footed or come right out and say she doesn't like the name/thinks you say it wrong. If the latter, immediately start calling MIL "Doris", because you prefer it to her real name, and you get to choose, right?

If she is trying hard and can't say it / can't remember it, you can work on it together, and you'll seethe less if you know she is trying.

Ah, re-read your last line.

YABU to keep quiet and then seethe. You need to come right out and talk to them. You can do it politely. If they decide to take offence at this, that is entirely their choice and also their problem, not yours. Life is far too short to pussy-foot around people - especially people who know they can behave how they like cos everyone is too scared to upset them.

coppertop Mon 29-Apr-13 13:49:16

How do you think MIL would react if/when your dd tells her that she's getting her name wrong?

The answer to that question is probably the key to what you should/shouldn't say now.

If she's likely to get angry and stop speaking to you all again because of it, then I would pull MIL up on it now. If she chooses to stop speaking to you then so be it.

If she's likely to get embarrassed but then start using the correct pronunciation then I would leave it for now.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Mon 29-Apr-13 13:50:17

My mum refuses to learn how to spell DD's name correctly. She wanted me to spell it differently but when I went the traditional route she just refused to us it.

When DD got to 3 she started saying at birthdays etc " Nanny this isn't my card - that's not my name " But my mum said it's just her special way of spelling it just between them hmm

It's annoying but 12 years down the line I have no energy to correct her. I wasn't firm enough to begin with though so maybe you should try now and avoid more years of resentment?

TooManyDicksOnTheDancefloor Mon 29-Apr-13 13:51:57

We have this problem with dd2's name, it drives me mad! In-laws say it wrong, strangers who I have just told it to repeat it back wrongly and give me the 'surely you mean...look'.

They all use a more common name that is very similar but spelt and pronounced differently. It's a welsh name but not difficult to pronounce at all. YANBU, tell them every time, dd1 corrects everyone for us and she's five.

Cosydressinggown Mon 29-Apr-13 13:57:26

I wouldn't leave it for the DD to tell them herself - how would you feel as a granddaughter if your own granny didn't say your name right?!

I think it's better if you as her mum (and someone who doesn't have that great a relationship with them anyway) take any flack that comes with correcting them now. You can do it really nicely, I'm sure.

Is the way you pronounce it the most common way? I have a friend with a little girl called Naomi and she pronounces it like NAY-o-me and I keep saying Nay-OH-me because that's the way I know it. I kick myself every time it slips out but find it really hard to say it (what feels like) the 'wrong' way!

Your MIL does need to be corrected though, at least once, because then at least she can be aware of it.

YANBU though, it's really, really annoying.

DP's aunt likes to pronounce DD's name wrong. I say nothing- DP is socially gauche and just flat out goes 'you said it wrong, it's Imo-JEN, not Imo-JEAN.' Every time. He uses his 'explaining things' voice which he uses for Really Silly People, too.

It's the only advice I can give. Correct constantly. As someone with a mispronounced name, you need to start correcting people now, so she knows it's ok to do it, too.

For posterity, DD is Imogen. Not I Imojen. The 'J' was to demonstrate pronunciation.

BobblyGussets Mon 29-Apr-13 14:03:55

Urgh, I hope they aren't pronouncing the lovely name "Esme" (nice pronounced "Esmay") as "Ezmee" (horrid)? You must tell them.

Peevish Mon 29-Apr-13 14:21:04

Oh god, my ILs can't or won't pronounce my baby son's name properly either. Part of it is that neither of them pronounces 'th', and his name begins with that. But to make matters worse, when we went to visit (not UK) several months after he was born, they had told the entire extended family on their side their own version of the name, so everyone was pronouncing it wrong! I should add that it's an ordinary enough Biblical name pronounced phonetically, nothing exotic. It drives me mad, and having to keep correcting them is exhausting, and still doesn't make them get it right. My MIL just acts offended and implies we should have called him something 'more ordinary'. Then again, she mispronounces her own husband and son's name, which is very ordinary. Grr.

I have a nice, simple, easy to spell and pronounce name. I also had an aunt who insisted on spelling/pronouncing it her (totally unique) way. It used to puzzle me as a child, but it was glossed over.

Found out later it was simply because she genuinely didn't like me, and it was her way of taking the piss angry

Not really on topic I suppose but people can be weird about names.

My great aunt can't say or spell any of my DC's or DN's names, but then she is 97 now. (having said that she was the same when she was 67!)

PuppyMonkey Mon 29-Apr-13 14:57:03

I think Esmay is horrid and Esmee is lovely, so ner nergrin

We have an Esme, and people do say it "wrong" or just not the way we like it. DD soon corrects them.

Katnisscupcake Mon 29-Apr-13 15:00:06

Another one here whose family can't seem to spell DD's name properly. It's not difficult.

I have to admit that I put it down to sloppiness and just not caring. DH's family ALWAYS spell it right. Mine don't. DH is starting to get quite cross about it... blush

I've told them, but they just don't take it in...

Jewcy Mon 29-Apr-13 15:00:48

Serves you right for not calling her Anne.

EugenesAxe Mon 29-Apr-13 15:14:39

I have to admit that I also quite like 'Esmee'... The other pronunciation sounds a bit pretentious, but I would still use it if was someone's name.

She should follow your wishes obviously; I'd cop out and get DH to have a quiet word just between them, to find out the reasons. It would be interesting to know the name - there's potential for snobbery if it's a traditional name that you've fiddled with (baffled by CharlieU's DM's attitude), but I also agree it could be a reflection of their attitude to you and your DD. it's quite insulting either way.

LeChatRouge Mon 29-Apr-13 15:22:47

This happened to my friend....her revenge was to mispronounce her MIL's name, and say it as often as possible.

A cup of tea DEEanna? That would be lovely.
So, DEEanna, how's the dog?
Right then DEEanna, we don't want to get stuck in rush hour, time to go.

MIL was Diana.

Esmay is horrible and totally affected.

It's Esmeeeeeeee! Unless you are accenting it of course, but why woudl you do that when it is a contraction of Esmerelda?!


LeChatRouge Mon 29-Apr-13 15:31:42

My friend is Esme, she is 39. She s happy with either pronunciation, doesn't mind how people say it.

Another friend is Naomi and gets FED UP when people say NIGH o mi. She says she's got enough vowels as it is, why do people add an extra i? It's phonetic - Nay o me.

notso Mon 29-Apr-13 15:35:23

Ds1's name gets mispronounced so much I wonder if I am the one mispronouncing it confused
I think he will end up being known as his nn.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 29-Apr-13 15:49:28

Just a suggestion.

If people think it will be a problem either pronouncing or spelling a particular name, why not choose another. grin

Saying that it would annoy me if anyone spelt one of my dcs names wrong. Unlikely though as they are all very traditional only one way to spell

SnookyPooky Mon 29-Apr-13 16:09:02

Both my grandad and grandma called me Anne, that is my middle name. They didn't like my first name and refused to use it because it is 'foreign'.

cricketballs Mon 29-Apr-13 16:46:07

is it due to their accent that they don't pronounce it the same as you? It may not be anything other than something as simple as they have friends etc with DD's name and it is pronounced differently and they are so used to this that they struggle to break the habit

Not everything in life has to be 'passive aggressive' Blingloving

fluffyraggies Mon 29-Apr-13 17:00:58

Really wanting to know the names in question in all the posts grin

A girl in the class i used to work with was named Niamh (pronounced 'neeve'). She was 7 and her classmates all pronounced her name fine.

A parent who would come in to help with reading would, without fail, despite being corrected 100 times, call the poor child 'niammer' to rhyme with hammer confused She'd call it out across the class room when it was the girl's turn to read.

The woman said she couldn't get used to it and it was spelt wrong.
Even the 7 year olds were hmm about her constant refusal to get it right!

I wanted to tell the girl to ignore the woman unless she said her name right, but the teacher wouldn't let me, sadly.

5Foot5 Mon 29-Apr-13 17:08:57

I had an aunt who was a bit of a snob and a definite "know-it-all". She would regularly use the wrong name for me. Basically there is a similar version of my name which ends in an -a sound (think Diane/Diana - though it is neither of those). She seemed to think the -a version was "posher" so always used that version when referring to me and on birthday cards etc. But it wasn't my name Grrr!

However, we all knew she was a complete loon and it was no point trying to change her mind on anything so basically we just gave up and ignored it. It's not as if we saw her that often or had much to do with her so it could be fairly easily ignored.

In your shoes I would have to correct them or challenge them. That might be best - just ask, politely, why it is they keep calling him by an incorrect name? It might wrong foot them.

If not then I agree with teaching DD when she gets older to either correct them or simply ignore them when they give her the wrong name

ZolaBuddleia Mon 29-Apr-13 17:17:38

I'm always baffled on these threads as to why people who are normally fully able to communicate cannot repeat a word they have heard and then remember how to spell something they have seen written down. It's not difficult. They'd be struck off my list as too thick difficult to maintain contact with.

WittyMonica Mon 29-Apr-13 17:19:21

I have the same with MIL and our granddaughter. DGD has a quite unusual name, 'Alysia' which is pronounced a-liss-e-a. Her parents spelled it that way to avoid pronounciation confusion with the spelling 'Alicia' which sometimes is pronounced as above and sometimes as a-lee-sha. MIL has never to my knowledge got her name right and it is maddening. First she called her 'Alesha' including telling other relatives that was her name. DH gently corrected her every time and she would always laugh and say 'oh, silly me!'. We call our DGD Lissy for short, which we thought would be easier for MIL to remember, but sadly it was not to be and she insisted on calling her 'Leesy'. hmmThen she started to get nervous about using her name as she admitted she couldn't remember how to pronounce it, and on one memorable occasion called her 'Leesy...Lucy...Leeshy...Lisa'. Nowadays she usually calls her 'the little 'un'. She also spells her name wrong on cards, which DGD very satisfyingly pointed out to her last time she did it. DGD has also turned to us during a rare MIL visit and asked, 'Why is she calling me Leesy?' which was funny but also quite sad, her great grandmother should remember her name. MIL is not that old by the way, she's in her 60s.

Why she doesn't write it down somewhere phonetically I don't understand, and can only put it down to her not caring. She is unbothered about DGD and our DS's in general anyway.

KitchenandJumble Mon 29-Apr-13 17:45:26

Just correct her politely. I think some people just don't pay much attention to names. Obviously, they should make an effort to learn names, especially of close relatives! But if your MIL has repeated the name with the wrong pronuncation many times, it may have become fixed in her mind that way and may take time to relearn.

My name happens to have several pronunciations, so I don't bother to correct people if they pronounce it differently from the way I do. However, my name also happens to be very close (one letter difference) from a completely different name. I do correct people if they call me that since it isn't my name and certainly isn't an alternative pronunciation.

cricketballs Mon 29-Apr-13 17:48:48

Zola - there are many, many educated people who can not say a word no matter how hard they try it does not mean they are thick or difficult.

I for instance can not say the word "specific" first time around, no matter how hard I think about it if I need to say it, I just can't do it! by the way I have numerous qualifications including a degree so don't class myself as thick

ZolaBuddleia Mon 29-Apr-13 18:04:37

But this is someone's name! I don't get why they don't just learn it.

Unless the child is called Specific wink.

greenfolder Mon 29-Apr-13 18:16:36

my grandmother mis-pronouned my name of 4 letters from birth until she died when i was 39. i would just view it as one of those things.

tropicalfish Mon 29-Apr-13 20:24:03

my mum spells my dd's name wrong on her birthday card. My dd is outraged. It doesnt help their relationship perhaps you could suggest that it is better for their relationship.

sunlightonthegrass Mon 29-Apr-13 20:46:13

My name is a variant of a much more common one. Written down there is only one letter difference so I understand people getting it wrong when they just see it in print.

But I don't understand when I say clearly and politely what my name is, people then saying a completely different name, and it shouldn't bother me but to be honest after 33 years - it does!

Jengnr Mon 29-Apr-13 20:49:15

It annoys the tits off me when people read my name and decide to call me Jenny. I'm not fucking Jenny and I never have been. Jennifer or Jen. Just fucking pick one. Grrrr!

Bearmonkeysmum Mon 29-Apr-13 20:52:05

We have the same thing with ds, his name is welsh but there are English & Scottish versions too. His name has a clear a sound to it but because other versions are uh both Mil & stepmum say it incorrectly. This is despite many corrections & me & oh very clearly saying his name in their presence. He's now at the age where he recognises the sound of his name but not when incorrectly pronounced & Mil makes a massive thing about him not responding when she calls him!

TidyDancer Mon 29-Apr-13 21:01:47

My sister has had this all her life. There are two (or three or four, if you're being ridiculous) pronunciations of her name, she has the classic and nice one. She's battled the odd freak who just won't say it right since she was a baby.

OP, the only excuse for someone knowingly doing this is if they were gently trying to tell you that you'd got the name massively wrong and they were actually doing you a favour. But even then I'd think they would just TELL you.

(Really wanting to know what the name is!)

GrendelsMum Mon 29-Apr-13 21:17:10

I have to admit DH and I struggle to spell DN's name - I've only ever known one person with the name before, and either she spelt it differently or I just got the wrong end of the stick then. I'm not entirely sure we're pronouncing it right, either...

2rebecca Mon 29-Apr-13 22:35:20

If there are 2 ways of pronouncing her name and you choose one way and the inlaws another surely both are correct or there would be only one way of pronouncing her name. If you're fussy about pronunciations then go for a name with only 1 way like Helen, Susan or Anne.

Andro Mon 29-Apr-13 23:15:38

I really think you should correct it, I hate it when people put the wrong vowel at the end of my name (it's fairly unusual and is another e/a ending name in the Diane/Diana genre). Worse still is when people take it upon themselves to chop it in half...annoying to say the least!

BlackeyedSusan Tue 30-Apr-13 00:15:04

yeah and some people would still come up with ellen, susie or anna, rebekah rebecca

ZebraOwl Tue 30-Apr-13 00:28:45

I think you need to raise it with them: if they're so bonkers they'd kick off over that they'll do it soon enough over something else anyway. Break the habit sooner rather than later.

I have an incredibly unusual given name (though have encountered two small girls called it in the last couple of years) & was told by a (deeply DEEPLY unpleasant) member of staff at my nursery that it couldn't be my name, there was no such name, it didn't exist & it was very naughty of me to lie about my name. She continued to insist I was lying when I spelled my name for her & repeated the pronunciation & told her what it meant. Sadly this whole business (esp being made to apologise to me by Head of Nursery) made her very hostile towards me & she was Asked To Leave after she washed my mouth out with soap after a girl went to her claiming I'd said "the F word" (which I'd never even heard of referred to thus let alone the actual word!) when I declined to leave the game I was playing to go & play house with her. This would've been Spring/Summer 1987 as I started Nursery age 3, so not a punishment that was par for the course. But I digress...

Have spent my life correcting weird & wonderful mispronunciations & misspellings of my name & if your DD's at risk of having to do the same you should try to ensure that family, at least, are getting it right!

AngryGnome Tue 30-Apr-13 06:50:02

I have a friend whose dd's name I find very hard to pronounce - I wish she would correct me sometimes as I am sure I am constantly mangling a lovely name!

Booboostoo Tue 30-Apr-13 07:41:36

I am sure some people mispronounce on purpose to be mean, but to be fair some people have problems pronouncing some words and once you get something wrong it can get stuck and make you feel flustered which just makes things worse.

I have a difficult to pronounce name "Nafsika". In the original Greek the accent is on the last syllable which makes it even worse. I am often called "Athina" in Greece, and "Natasha" in the UK. Some English speakers also can't seem to be able to say the "fs" sound, so I also get called "Nassika", "Nasfika" and "Nafiska". By comparison most people in France can pronounce it - yay! I have come across a lot of people who are visibly embarassed that they can't remember my name or try to avoid using it because they can't pronounce it; I do feel bad for them and generally respond to any version of my name people manage to come out with apart from "Naf".

I named my DD "Lily" to avoid any possible confusion...and of course no one, not even DP and I, can decide whether the accent is on the first syllable (as per more usual english pronounciation) or the last one (as per more usual French pronounciation).

Pennybubbly Tue 30-Apr-13 08:33:11

My f-in-law chose a name for my DS when I was pregnant. Not liking the name, DH and I gave him a different name when he was born.
F-in-law decided he didn't like it, so for the past 5 years, has called DS by a different name (and not the one he originally chose).

OhTheConfusion Tue 30-Apr-13 08:48:47

I would speak up now. My MIL mis-pronounces my name and no matter how many times I said in the first few years she still does it... im sure it is to pee me off!

My name has two (possibly three at a push) pronunciations and she insists on using 'ae' instead of 'E'.

BiddyPop Tue 30-Apr-13 09:00:32

DD is 7. My DM and FIL both pronounce her name wrong (using the same pronunciation though).

What is particularly funny is that her 3 yr old cousin recently commented on how "(DM) is so silly as she always says (DD's) name wrong - it's "DD" not "DDwrongname", isn;t that silly mummy." Out of the mouth of babes!!! grin

I've given up trying, DD answers to it, but most people do get it right.

(My DM recently had to ring me to know what name to use on a cheque to me - I haven't changed my name since I was born and she knows the trouble I've had in the past with cheques made out to my "married" name until we got a joint account a few years back - we're married 13 years!!)

oldwomaninashoe Tue 30-Apr-13 09:03:25

We has several names on the "list" for DS2. I told MIL that we were going to call the baby Alexander which she insisted pronouncing Alexandra, at 3 days old we re-named him Sean!

hackmum Tue 30-Apr-13 09:17:44

It's very hard with names. If you find a name that's easy to pronounce, it's almost bound to be a name that has several alternative spellings (Anne, Catherine, Linda...)

When people consistently mispronounce a name, it sounds to me like an act of passive aggression. They're doing it deliberately as a way of having a go at you. You can train DD not to answer to anything other than her given name.

GrendelsMum Tue 30-Apr-13 12:21:35

For what it's worth, my mum saddled me with rather an unusual name. The result is that quite a lot of people forget what it is, and randomly attempt to call me names beginning with the same letter.

Think phone calls starting, "Hello, is that Iris?" and me saying "Yes, this is Irene, how can I help?"

Booboostoo Tue 30-Apr-13 13:07:26

That rings so true GrendelsMum!! I get phone calls that go "Hello is this Na...erh? Narf...erh?Massfr?" and I reply "Yes that's me!".

GrendelsMum Tue 30-Apr-13 15:00:27

Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me!

myhousewillneverbetidy Wed 01-May-13 01:19:04

thanks for all the responses. Think I will get DH to mention it to them casually next time he sees them. That way I won't be seen as picking fault.
The name in question is Evelyn (not Eve-lyn but Eh veh lyn) Not a particularly unusual name so shouldnt be too difficult to remember. In my opinion the other pronunciation is a completely different name and is not the name of DD. argh still annoying me thinking about it angry

b4bunnies Wed 01-May-13 06:32:11

try having a 'sian' in lancashire. welsh purists go for 'shann', that'll do but we're not welsh and we wanted an 'ah' sound.
oh, the years of 'shawn', 'shaaaarrrrn' 'shoarn' etc. no, i didn't name my daughter 'sean'. or 'see-ann'.

it wasn't hard to say. it isn't.

and i hadn't realised i'd chosen a pretentious name until now. there i was, reading the thread, wondering why people just didn't stick to normal names like 'jane' (not jayne, or jaynee, or 'jane pronounced jenny to make her different from her grandma') when i remembered my own baby has a middle name no-one could cope with.

could have called her jane. didn't. she doesn't use her middle name now. and her baby has a name that is easy to say.

zebraowl, what's your name?

ZolaBuddleia Wed 01-May-13 08:04:09

OP, maybe your DH needs to give your MIL a way of remembering it (failing that beat it in with a wet fish). Perhaps tell her it's Ever Lynne?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Wed 01-May-13 08:12:58

b4bunnies - my SIL used Sian as a middle name for my niece but she wanted the pronunciation to be si-ann. I don't think she'd fare well with an AIBU about people getting that one wrong grin

My dad gave me a made up name for my middle name so if I need to write it I'm forever having to say it to people as they always question it.

I named both my children 'known' names but the do have tricky spellings. Think two vowels together that get changed around alot. But DD understands that and corrects people if they ask her. DS is still at the stage of saying every word with his initial is his name so he doesn't care yet.

With his name there has only ever been one women who never said it right despite me repeating it back correctly every time.

GrendelsMum Wed 01-May-13 17:00:32

It's quite an unusual pronunciation that you've chosen, isn't it? I think I can see why your DMiL is getting confused.

Yes, I think you'd better get your DH to come straight out and say that you're not pronouncing it as she might expect, and that it's like 'ever-lynn'.

PrincessScrumpy Wed 01-May-13 17:13:18

My dad never remembers dd1s name. I love him but do think he should be able to remember it. He only had 3gc(another on the way) and she was the first. Not unusual name either. Id let dc tell her when old enough and in the mean time, when she says the name make a point of using DC name straight after in conversation!

greenformica Wed 01-May-13 17:49:26

use her name in lots of sentences very clearly so they can hear?

MummyPig24 Wed 01-May-13 18:35:02

Booboostoo my dd is also Lily, easy yes? No! No bloody person can spell it right. She is 3 so family have had plenty of time to learn the correct spelling but there are still some repeat offenders!

alcibiades Wed 01-May-13 19:11:40

Apparently, Evelyn Waugh insisted that the correct pronunciation of his name was "Eve-lyn". So, perhaps you could tell your MiL that she's using the boy's pronunciation rather than the girl's. (No idea whether that's true, but it might help.)

Booboostoo Thu 02-May-13 08:43:42

OP your MIL may be doing this on purpose in which case that is no excuse, but I could see me mispronouncing Evelyn as well, feeling really bad about it, then getting all stressed and forgetting which way was which! I have a good friend whose daughter is called Deanne - lovely name, I had no wish to rename her DD for her...but nonetheless I always called her Diane and even when I knew it was wrong, I knew I was going to get it wrong, the wrong thing popped out of my mouth! In the end I tried to avoid referring to her DD by name as I was totally stressed by getting it wrong and I could tell she was beginning to think I was an annoying idiot!

MummyPig24 we went for "Lily" as the easiest but I suppose there is Lilly, Lili, Lillie.

storynanny Thu 02-May-13 09:17:13

It's incredibly rude not to get a name right after you have been told how to say it. As a supply teacher I come across a wide range of... Interesting and unusual ......names. I always say "how would you like me to say your name?" It's basic good manners.

Slavetothechild Thu 02-May-13 09:29:34

We have 5 children and my in laws seem to have problems with most of their names ! They decided they didn't like dd1s name so chose to call her something completely different ! It worked until she was about 2 1/2 or 3 when she told them that unless they used her real name she would ignore them !! I was so proud of her ds2 grins and bears te fact that they can say his name right or spell it correctly ( neither can my parents !) his name only has THREE letters . Finally ds3 is known to them by a completely different name ! But he's laid back and doesn't care smile . So only 2 children escaped having their names changed by my mad in laws

Wow I am really shocked and surprised at the amount of stories on here of people pronouncing/spelling names wrong!
I find that so rude! A mis-pronounciation or mis spelling one or twice would be excusable (though I would be embarrassed about that) but I think its a lack of common courtesy to not learn/continually forget/do it on purpose!

We had two Claires at our wedding - one was Claire and one was Clare - I was mortified when I realised I'd mixed up the place cards! blush
Also had a Fiona who is referred to as Fi. How was I to know she spells it Fee? But I've never made the same mistake again.

I can't understand how a child's grandparent would purposely call them something other than their name, that shows such a lack of respect to the parents and their choice of name.
I would have to be really firm and quite rude personally so they got the message. If that still didn't work, I would purposely start calling MIL something else.

Good luck, OP. (Love the name Evelyn by the way, but I prefer your pronunciation!)

storynanny Thu 02-May-13 10:29:40

Ah the spelling thing! I've taught a girl called Dayzzeee and a boy called Louise, both as written on a birth certificate.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 02-May-13 10:38:31

Evelyn always has three syllables, that is in no way unusual!

it can be Eee of Eh at the beginning (the first like Eva-lynn, second Ever-lynn or as OP writes) and I think OP's version is far more popular but I have NEVER heard of 'Eve-Lynn' with two syllables.

Have they never come across the name before? Do they, on some level, think you've got it wrong and are trying to correct you? Perhaps you could throw snippets about famous Evelyns into conversation - Waugh, Glennie um, research needed.

I'd definitely suggest DH asks them why they're doing it and raessures them you really do have it right (and other people will think they're really odd!). They need to explain themselves!

Xmasbaby11 Thu 02-May-13 10:38:50

YANBU .. although there's not a huge difference between the two pronunciations as the middle syllable is not stressed and so very short. I would imagine a lot of people could not hear the difference, depending on your accent.

My name has always been mispronounced and misspelt. It doesn't bother me. I still like having a less common name.

Xmasbaby11 Thu 02-May-13 10:42:47

Sorry, scratch that last post. the two pronunciations are completely different! I was half asleep.

I imagine that will be a common error as she grows up. I wouldn't know which one was more popular.

YANBU. They should be corrected and they should want to say her name correctly.

GrendelsMum Thu 02-May-13 13:18:27

No, Evelyn Waugh was definitely Eve-linn, and I'm pretty sure that Evelyn Glennie is too.

thebestnamesaregone Thu 02-May-13 13:35:29

I had an Auntie Ev-lynn spelled Evelynn. Two syllables.

cece Thu 02-May-13 13:50:17

FWIW I would say they same way as your MIL says it OP. My mum's cousin has this name and that is how she says it.

Patchouli Thu 02-May-13 14:00:28

I know ladies with it both ways.
I guess that Eve / Evie is a popular name and if you'd wanted either as a nickname then you'd maybe pronounce it Eeeev - lin, so perhaps that's more common.

You're MIL will have known an Evelyn here and there and it has probably influenced the way she thinks it's said. And no matter how much you try and correct her, she'll probably think 'oh yes right' try and clock it, but then get it wrong again the next time.

It's just something your DD is going to have to live with, from lots of people.

gillywillywoo Thu 02-May-13 14:42:28

I've known 2 Evelyn's in my life!

One pronounced eev-lyn

The other pronounced ev-lyn

Both 2 syllable names.

It's nice pronounced ev-ah-lyn as well... I like it... And can't believe your MIL continues to say it wrong! So rude.

...and for the record it should be pronounced "Ismay" grin

bassingtonffrench Thu 02-May-13 14:57:50

There are certain names I get confused about how to say

They are


I also have problems with major/mayor

I know people with these names and even though I know there is a 'correct' way for these specific individuals, I go into panic mode and just avoid using their names altogether.

I think it is some sort of naming dyslexia.

I'm not being passive agressive, its just if a word/name is filed in a particular way in your brain it is hard to relearn it.

I think if it was my own granddaughter I'd sort it out though

mrsyattering Thu 02-May-13 15:14:23

Keep correcting them, SIL continually called DD by a shortened verison of her name, until DD shouted "MY NAME IS NOT XXXX! It's xxxx!!!!" She stopped after that wink

Drquin Thu 02-May-13 16:14:31

I guess it boils back to whether you think there's any malice in the mispronunciation!

My given name is a reasonable one from the 1970s - I'd say my pronunciation is correct (well, I would - its my name!!) but the other pronunciation I'd say isn't so much "wrong" as just a different emphasis on one syllable over the other. As a sweeping generalisation, I'd say my Scottish friends pronounce it the way I would (emphasising the second syllable) - but my English friends would emphasis the first.

In exactly the same way as I would with "Evelyn" ...... Evelyn Glennie is from my neck of the woods originally and I'd say local pronunciation would be "Ev - Lynn". Second-most common in that area would be "Ev-Ih-Lynn", then "Eve Lynn". I put 99.9% of that down to a combination of local accents / emphasis (and previous exposure to the name) over malice.

So how much fuss to make with ILs I guess depends on whether you think they're "wrong" as opposed to just being "different".

lottiegarbanzo Thu 02-May-13 21:24:01

Interesting, sounds like there's some regional variation going on but you're certainly not wrong OP, or to my ears, unusual.

On radio etc. I've always heard 'Eve-e-lin Waugh and 'Ehv-a-lin Glennie'. No idea if the Eve / Ehv pr. is to do with gender, time, place, class, personal preference or none of the above.

Pity her name isn't Evelyn Waugh really, as then you could annoy them back with a 'mis'pronunciation of their surname, given the Wok / Woff / Waar variations.

Anyway, it is all about intent. Surely though, most people would have said 'oh, do you mean...' or, 'that's an unusual pronunciation, I'd have said...' some time before now, wouldn't they? (They do sound odd!).

b4bunnies Thu 02-May-13 22:48:05

evelyn is ev-lyn
esme is esmi or possibly esmay but never esmeee
faustine is fawsteen not fow-rhymes-with-cow-steen.
so sez me. so there.

GrendelsMum Wed 08-May-13 14:41:38

Maybe Lottie is right and it's down to regional variation, then? Or could it be class variation, or something that's changed over the last century? I'm wondering if Evelyn is one of these names like Ralph / Rafe, where Ralph Vaughan-Williams pronounced it Rafe. Perhaps it's moving from 'Eeevelin' to 'Everlin'? As I'd put the OP's pronunciation down as 'wrong'.

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