To be totally fed up ... No wedding dress 4 weeks before big day.

(93 Posts)

My wedding dress was being made by a friend who is a professional dressmaker, She offered to make it as a wedding present, I didn't ask her as I know she can be a bit flaky but was grateful as she is fab and said I would pay her as it was too much for a gift. Anyway we had a bit of a fall out over another issue and now shes not returning calls, even to let me know if shes still making it or not. I've had several fittings.
WWYD should I take it that I now have no frock, 4 weeks before the wedding and get my ass to BHS to buy a last minute number or wait a bit longer hoping she'll start being more communicative and risk schlepping down the aisle in my onesie with posh hair, make up, shoes, flowers and Jewellery.
I have already apologised even though it was definitely a six of one half a dozen of the other thing- and the row was about politics ffs so not a personal thing.
Right now I am feeling totally stressed with the whole situation, I suffer from depression and anxiety to start off with and am on medication for that. I'm not sleeping. I want to get the situation back under my control but feel like I'm slowly slipping again. WWYD?

fairylightsinthespring Sun 28-Apr-13 17:08:55

No other option but to speak to her (go round if you have to). Be very calm, polite and business like and just ask where she is at with the dress. If she hasn't done it or isn't going to, don't throw a strop, just say right, just needed to know, then go have a nice day getting a lovely dress that isn't a crazily expensive rip-off like most of them with an actual friend. Have a lovely wedding and under no circumstances let this upset you and spoil it. Friend of mine had no dress two days before her wedding due to shop cock-ups and was desperately upset. It turned up and all was well but we were all poised to go on a spree!

StuntGirl Sun 28-Apr-13 17:12:21

She sounds both unprofessional and silly.

Have you already paid her for the dress? Was there any kind of contract signed?

I would definitely start looking for another one, just to have the peace of mind, but I wouldn't be letting it drop with the 'friend' either.

DeepRedBetty Sun 28-Apr-13 17:14:50

First of all, when did the argument happen, and how long has it been from your first attempt to call her? Have you actually sent her a message, either text or email, and has she had time to respond? Is there the faintest chance she could be temporarily unable to respond - away, in hospital, blah blah?

Meanwhile four weeks is plenty of time to choose something lovely, and have any minor alterations done too - maybe have a good browse tomorrow with a friend, give FlakeyFriend until tomorrow evening to get back to you, and if no answer go ahead and buy it.

LadyVoldemort Sun 28-Apr-13 17:15:16

Go round and speak to her, be very very nice to her though!

If she's not doing it then don't worry, there's loads of places you can get wedding dresses off the hanger now. Don't limit yourself to BHS!

No I haven't paid anything yet, At the last fitting she said she'd let me know in a couple of weeks, that was last month, no contract either. It's been about a week since I tried to contact her first. Several FB massages, phone messages and emails. No response, I'm de-friended on FB. I'm pretty sure she's not in hospital as I've seen responses to mutual friends postings from her.
I'll get OH to speak to her DH. They are good friends and do not want to fall out over this. I just need to know Where I am at with it all.

hiddenhome Sun 28-Apr-13 17:26:08

Find another dress. This woman sounds like a flake and she will let you down.

jacks365 Sun 28-Apr-13 17:29:40

Tk maxx do some good dresses too but its the luck of the draw with regards to what they have and sizes. Good luck for the wedding and i hope you find something perfect.

LadyVoldemort Sun 28-Apr-13 17:31:24

Frm what you've just said I'd assume she's no longer doing it.

Tell us your budget and style and we'll help you find a replacement smile

LittleFeileFooFoo Sun 28-Apr-13 17:31:36

I bought my wedding dress the day of my wedding. It looked great!
But I am a bit spontaneous and lazy like that....

MardyBra Sun 28-Apr-13 17:33:01

I would suggest one final message, stating that unless you have a reply within 24 hours you are assuming she is no longer making the dress, and that you will be sourcing elsewhere.

I hope you have a lovely wedding.

No response, I'm de-friended on FB

The ultimate sanction! She's bolted. New dress, new friend.

maddening Sun 28-Apr-13 17:36:02

Where are you based? There are probably lots of little independent shops that sell off sample dresses etc and the world wide web of mumsnet might know where to go (they're good like that!)

hiddenhome Sun 28-Apr-13 17:36:48

She must realise she's causing you a lot of stress by doing this hmm Take control or the stress will continue.

StuntGirl Sun 28-Apr-13 17:37:42

Well at least you've not lost out financially. If she chooses to due to her weird and unprofessional behaviour then that's her issue.

I would probably cut my losses at this stage, and go and find a new dress. I'm sorry she's added this extra uneccessary stress, but I'm sure you'll find something lovely.

hiddenhome Sun 28-Apr-13 17:40:43

Do it, or you will have bad memories of your wedding day if you've had all this stress during the run up to it. One of my bridesmaids turned out to be a selfish flake and it made for a difficult experience. You should be happy in your preparations and the dress is a big thing to organise, so you need to be on firm ground which you're currently not sad

toomuchtoask Sun 28-Apr-13 17:41:03

Go around and talk to her.

If unsuccessful my sister just found some beautiful dresses with phase 8 (in Debenams). Not a huge choice but they are really lovely dresses. Some nice ones in Monsoon too.

AnnaBegins Sun 28-Apr-13 17:41:17

My dress was a sample dress off the hanger in a sale, it is doable and you will find something beautiful.

I really hope your friend comes around though!

Longdistance Sun 28-Apr-13 17:42:10

Just go shopping for a new dress.

If she's defriended you on fb, then that's more than a hint.

I hope she's uninvited to your wedding now!

kinkyfuckery Sun 28-Apr-13 17:43:08

You need to take back the control.
Contact her and tell her she has 24 hours to get back to you, or you will go elsewhere.

ENormaSnob Sun 28-Apr-13 17:48:27

Get looking for a new dress.

Will you be uninviting her from the wedding?

What was the argument about?

<nosy>

DontmindifIdo Sun 28-Apr-13 17:52:05

right, time for a plan B and start looking at off the peg dresses you can buy this week:
monsoon
coast
samsel in a dress

(put this dilema, your budget and your requirements for a dress/measurements on style and beauty, you'll get lots of suggestions!)

Check their returns policies, but I assume you could order/go buy this week, hopefully if she does turn around and get back in touch re the dress, then you can return the one you've bought - but this just gives you a back up plan so she can't leave you with no dress.

DontmindifIdo Sun 28-Apr-13 17:52:33

(the 3rd one should be Damsel in a dress!)

NinaHeart Sun 28-Apr-13 18:00:23

I had an off the peg Monsoon wedding dress. It was fab!
Where are you and what size are you (it's in my loft)

SweepTheHalls Sun 28-Apr-13 18:01:00

Try here, sample dresses aurabelle.co.uk/

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 18:38:19

OP Sorry to here about the issues you've had with the dress sad Can't believe someone would do that to you sad

Go to some independent wedding shops, TKMaxx, Debenhams, Coast, Monsoon all have lovely wedding dresses. My sister's wedding dress was from Monsoon and it was absolutely beautiful! A month is plenty of time to find a beautiful dress ! Best of luck!

Bridgetbidet Sun 28-Apr-13 18:46:43

Coast has an absolutely beautiful occasion collection which can be worn as a wedding dress.

If money is an issue have you looked on Ebay, a friend of mine got her wedding dress of Ebay for about £100 and it was the most beautiful I have ever seen.

Bridgetbidet Sun 28-Apr-13 18:55:17

Incidentally what a cow. You should never, ever do something so unkind to ruin someone's big day like that. I think you have lucky escape this woman is out of your life!

toomuchtoask Sun 28-Apr-13 19:01:58

If you've had fittings who purchased the material? If you, I'd go and get it back!!

I second damsel in a dress, I was in there last week & they had some beautiful dresses!!!

ENorma
The row was about Mrs T! that bloody woman can still cause trouble from beyond the grave- would you believe it!
I can't uninvite her as her DH (who is lovely) is a childhood friend of my OH and they have been really close for 40+ years. I've known her for 15 years and we've always got on well.
Thanks for the suggestions ladies there are some fab frocks!! I'm a size 14 so Nothing v unusual.
OH is going to ring his friend tomorrow, just to ask what the score is- I'm not ringing as I don't want the row to be reignited.
I feel saner now I've seen all the available stuff.
She bought the fabric and if she doesn't finish the dress I'm not giving her a penny.

I'm sorry to hear of your predicament. I have a wedding dress wanting a new home. It's Alfred sung to fit a tall size 12 can be adjusted of course, I case you are a similar size. Free to a lady in need smile

Inbox me if you wish.

Bobyan Sun 28-Apr-13 20:36:48

I got mine from Monsoon, tried it on in the shop and then ordered it online so I got one that was nice and "fresh". £100 and 100% silk.

Don't know if you've ever seen the show don't tell the bride but they organise a whole wedding including dress in 3 Weeks. So you'll be fine. I see your dh is speaking to his mate tomorrow but I'd also send her a message saying that if you don't hear from her by tomorrow evening then you'll make other plans. You don't need this stress and actually I think there isn't anything you could have argued about mrs t that could possibly justify this response from her - if she felt that strongly she should just tell you that she is not doing it rather than just ignore you.

Actually I think I might actually tell her that given that she hasn't been in touch then you're making other plans regardless, because what's to stop her from pulling this stunt with a week to go?

I'd also be uninviting her - her dh can still come but unless the 2 of you can sort this out you don't want someone that spiteful there on your wedding day do you?

EuroShaggleton Sun 28-Apr-13 21:24:56

Some wedding dresses shops have lots of off the peg dresses to buy there and then. I recall when I was looking I found one in Eltham, South London, if that is anywhere near you? I also looked at Coast and Monsoon, and have a look at evening wear sections in big dept stores if you are not set on anything completely traditional.

IDoTakeTwo Sun 28-Apr-13 21:32:06

Just wanted to say what a lovely offer pearls. You must be a very kind person.

Otherwise OP, sort your frock and move on!

MrsLettuce Sun 28-Apr-13 21:33:17

I'm up north, Manchester , the dress wasn't at all traditional. But at this stage so long as it fits and it's not a pineapple or a palm tree I'd settle for anything.

BumPotato Sun 28-Apr-13 21:40:24

You know, even if your "friend" does adjust her attitude and does want to finish the dress for you, I'd be tempted to tell her to go fuck herself.

Leaving you hanging on for a week so close to your wedding is crap.

Try your local wedding shops who at this time of the year may have sales and have dresses available off the peg. I used to work in a wedding dress shop and their was always a smalll selection available off the peg, for example, sample dresses. Oh and haggle. The mark up on wedding dresses is vast.

I must say it is a few years since I worked with wedding dresses but I'm shocked at the prices of the off the peg dresses from Monsoon/Coast etc. Shocked, I tell you! They used to be a cheaper alternative, obviously no longer the case.

MrsLettuce Sun 28-Apr-13 21:42:29

What BumPotato said^

WHat sort of dress would you like? Budget?

MrsLettuce Sun 28-Apr-13 21:45:29
jacks365 Sun 28-Apr-13 21:48:18

There is or at least was a wedding dress shop in todmorden just north of Manchester which has a fantastic choice of dresses mostly samples. I'll double check its still there for you tomorrow it may be worth a trip for you.

TheSecondComing Sun 28-Apr-13 21:51:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BumPotato Sun 28-Apr-13 21:54:55

shite there obv.

Thanks Pearls that is really kind xxx Mrs Lettuce a bit too dear for my purse x
My Bridesmaid is in Altrincham. I'll get there during the week X

Thank you so much ladies for all the fab advise and offers flowers wine for all. In fact come to the Hen do next weekend grin

Jellyhandsandfingers Sun 28-Apr-13 21:57:56

So sorry you have all this stress. I know a brilliant shop but it is down south called SWOON. It stands for sample, worn once or new. They literally have dresses in every size, loads of the,. I have got mine from there and it was one that someone had paid the deposit but never picked up so was in my size, in perfect condition. Anyway that store would be a hell of a trek for you but there must be one close that is similar. Maybe ask around or Google.

There are some lovely ones on the high street as well in the places that others have suggested. I hope you get it all sorted.

specialsubject Sun 28-Apr-13 22:07:34

send her a recorded delivery LETTER (remember those) saying that you don't want the dress and won't be paying for it.

go shopping. Get on ebay, etc etc. No reason for it to take months to get right, no other outfit does.

otherwise you risk ending up with two dresses, or no dress.

I found a dress that needed some alterations. The week before the wedding we went to try it on and it was awful. My mum and I walked out of the shop and looked at each other in close to despair but rallied and went back to a shop which had a sample dress in that I'd tried on previously. They still had it, was a good fit. Job done.

Don't panic OP.

TheSecondComing Sun 28-Apr-13 22:22:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itchywoolyjumper Sun 28-Apr-13 22:28:06

If she's defriended you on FB (what a sign of the times) and isn't communicating in other ways I think I'd abandon her as dress maker. She must know how anxious this would make you, its quite a nasty thing to do.
I've just had a look and there's nearly 1700 wedding dresses on Ebay in your size under £100 available as a buy it now. You could have a gorgeous dress by the end of the week and still have plenty of time for fittings.

Scheherezade Sun 28-Apr-13 22:29:14

If you can get to Liverpool there's a big discount warehouse of sample wedding dresses in the centre.

Ruprekt Sun 28-Apr-13 22:30:34

Dan Kerr bridal shop in Preston has a massive sale on atm.

Am sure you will find something.

I would not have her there though! Cow!angryangry

Db, as a seamstress I am pissed off on your behalf. (I was already pissed off before this, but never mind). Give me an idea of what you want and I'll make it for you.

Fleecyslippers Sun 28-Apr-13 22:41:42

That's really horrible of her. I'd also be tempted to ask DP to relay the message that you realise she is no longer making your wedding dress.

I 'LOVE' wedding dress shopping - when shall we meet ? grin

CSIJanner Sun 28-Apr-13 22:47:53

Debenhams have a 20% off sale at the mo, with another 10% with code JR32 plus free delivery. Hope you find something soon! If preloved, it could be your something old or even borrowed grin

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sun 28-Apr-13 22:48:39

There's a charity wedding dress shop in Cheadle - is that far from you? I think it's St Anne's hospice. my cousin got her bridesmaids dresses from there.

YANBU to be fed up. Ditch your 'friend'.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 28-Apr-13 23:02:00

I got my size 14 dress from Berketex (in Chester), I bought it and took it away on the day, it fitted just fine. Years ago so you should check their current locations and if they all do that.

Or stick a thread up with your size, location and general preferences on S&B and I bet you get more lovely offers like the ones here.

PrivateBenjamin Mon 29-Apr-13 10:34:51

Everybody is so lovely on threads like these. Nest of vipers indeed!

OP i wouldn't rely on this woman even if she does agree to make your dress, she'd probably just pull the same trick with a few days to go, just like a previous poster said, and then you'd really be up poo creek without a paddle.

Good luck!

cfc Mon 29-Apr-13 10:40:14

OP i also have an alfred sung dress that you can use if you like, it's totes nice. It needs a dry clean though so let me know and i'llget that done - i've been looking for a reason to get it out! I'm in the SW and it would fit a nsize 14 i reckon.

What a shame to fall out like this xx

cfc Mon 29-Apr-13 10:43:22

oh, i see you're in manc, i could give it to my mum to bring home with her after our hols next weekend - she lives in liverpool you could try it there x

LippiPongstocking Mon 29-Apr-13 10:46:32

I bought my wedding dress from eBay (£50!), and got it adjusted locally for £50, a week or so before my wedding. It can be done! Don't let this woman ruin your day.

iseenodust Mon 29-Apr-13 10:54:56

Another one who bought from Monsoon with only 3 weeks to go. I saw what I liked, they ordered my size in so could see if liked it when zip fastened !!!

sashh Mon 29-Apr-13 11:50:36

Get another dress.

Even if she finishes this one you will be thinking about her and the argument walking down the aisle.

If you can get to Liverpool there's a big discount warehouse of sample wedding dresses in the centre.

Also somewhere you could get a pineapple and a palm tree.

I know I always go on about Indian material shops (love my local one), but one advantage with a sari is that they are all 5 metres and fit everyone - you just need to get a blouse made.

www.cbazaarsarees.co.uk/saree/white-color/c-sb.html

This could be an unconventional wedding dress, and made to your size for less than £100

www.cbazaarsarees.co.uk/salwar-kameez/party-wear-salwars/exquisite-off-white-churidhar-suit-p-slsfcj7248a.html

And I love this one

www.cbazaarsarees.co.uk/readymade-salwars/wedding-salwars/pleasing-white-anarkali-suit-p-sl20g184469.html

Damn I've got to find someone to marry

Wickedgirl Mon 29-Apr-13 12:07:21

eBay have some stunning dresses

LemonsLimes Mon 29-Apr-13 12:13:51

I was going to ask if your wrote "Ding Dong the Witch is dead" on FB and then saw that the argument was indeed about Mrs T! grin Is that what happened?

I don't think you can rely on this woman any more as what if she said she would do it and then still let you down. Has she already bought the material?

Good luck finding a new dress. I get it from somewhere you can try it on if i were you, rather than ordering online

AutumnMadness Mon 29-Apr-13 12:17:47

Sounds like you need a new dress. Try this Guardian article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/fashion/2013/apr/21/lauren-laverne-fashion-wedding-dresses?INTCMP=SRCH

It's all about affordable and quirky wedding dresses. I'd love one of them if I was getting married again.

newgirl Mon 29-Apr-13 12:18:36

My friend had the most beautiful vintage dress from a pop up sale she saw online £125 it was so fab - she had bit taken in at local dry cleaner

She's wealthy - it was simply a fab find

TheTiger Mon 29-Apr-13 12:29:48

If you can get to Bury, Esme's sell wedding dresses that they have in stock straight to you, and do your alterations. Good luck!

angelos02 Mon 29-Apr-13 12:33:12

She's not seriously going to turn up at your wedding having done this to you? shock

SavoyCabbage Mon 29-Apr-13 12:33:23

I bet you end up with a fabulous dress. I got my dress just a couple of weeks before my wedding and I loved it. You'll find one you love too.

Scheherezade Mon 29-Apr-13 12:44:03
MrsLettuce Mon 29-Apr-13 12:44:19

did you see this one?

SarahAndFuck Mon 29-Apr-13 12:45:04

You definitely need to get another dress.

It doesn't sound like she's finishing yours.

The worst that can happen if you buy another dress now is that she does finish the first one and you will have the choice of two on your wedding day.

That's got to be better than not buying another one and going to your wedding in your pyjama's like the Vicar of Dibley.

And Manchester is probably one of the better places to be if you need to find something non-traditional but still lovely for a wedding in a hurry.

How on earth are your (ex) friend and her partner going to be at the wedding though? Surely they will be embarrassed, especially as she has made it pretty clear she's finished with you as a friend? She's behaving like a child, she's let your down over your wedding dress, she's not actually speaking to the bride, yet she still my come to the wedding itself as a guest? I'd be too embarrassed to show my face it that was me.

And I hope it won't affect your DH's friendship, but petty things have a way of blowing up and dragging everyone in.

Has he spoken to his friend about the dress yet?

Shylepite Mon 29-Apr-13 12:49:26

What a cow! I think she will try to keep you hanging on for as long as possible so that she can enjoy the power and cause you lots of stress. I would just assume she's not doing it and make other arrangements, take back control and really piss her off! What size are you? I have a beautiful size 8 dress in storage which you are very welcome to smile

slug Mon 29-Apr-13 14:36:21

I second and third telling her in writing that she has broken your contract by not being in contact. Then, the awesome, cheap, unique dress you find will be a 'funny' story for the wedding.

anklebitersmum Mon 29-Apr-13 14:45:08

these

Fantastic service. Couldn't have been better and I had just given birth with no dress 4 weeks before too. Give them a ring? Manchester about an hr or so away & I kid you not if they can help they will.

ChaoticTranquility Mon 29-Apr-13 14:52:36

Go and buy a new dress and forget about this one. You can't trust this woman she's proven that by her spiteful and immature behaviour. Even if she did contact you and agree to make the dress you cannot trust her not to either pull the same stunt again if you have another argument. Personally I wouldn't trust her not to sabotage the dress either if she did make it.

ImNotCute Mon 29-Apr-13 14:55:11

I hope you get a lovely dress sorted out soon. My wedding dress was from debenhams at the Trafford centre, it took next to no time to get it sorted. The Trafford centre monsoon usually has some nice wedding dresses too.

DontmindifIdo Mon 29-Apr-13 15:33:04

Just to point out as well, as it's less than 4 weeks to the wedding, most of these places you'd still be within you time to return a dress you bought from them, so I'd get one now, don't say anything to her, if she comes back to you in a decent time and you get the dress you really want, then fine with her, pay her for it and return the other one ASAP, if not, you have a back up dress.

I bet she'll be expecting frantic phonecalls and you begging her to finish the dress, you going radio silence, particularly if she's spent a lot of money on material you've not paid her for, will start to make her nervious... Right now she feels like she's in control. Another week without you acting the way she expects might make her reassess that...

DontmindifIdo Mon 29-Apr-13 15:34:06

oh and don't return the shop one you pick until you have the dress from ex-friend in your possession and are confident it's not been ruined/deliberately made too short/too tight etc.

Flosshilde Mon 29-Apr-13 15:47:45

My friend organised her entire wedding in just 5 weeks and got a dress from one of the bridal shops in Altrincham. Think it was the one opposite the Town Hall. It was gorgeous.

I got mine from here. Don't be put off by the Alderley Edge location; they have dresses to suit all budgets. And they were lovely.

Good luck OP.

KenAdams Mon 29-Apr-13 15:48:52

TK Maxx size 14 dresses loving the Hollywood Dreams

Monsoon

nevergoogle Mon 29-Apr-13 15:50:50

Tell me you are uninviting her to the wedding! How on earth could she show her face! shock

Ruprekt Mon 29-Apr-13 20:47:40

any news OP?

IF she does insist on coming to your wedding you should wearca onesie then explain to everyone why you've no dress grin

TheProw Mon 29-Apr-13 21:05:39

New York Bride in Eckington, Derbyshire. Says on website. 'Our stunning variety of Wedding Gowns are sourced from designers excess stock, ex-samples and end of ranges, and all gowns are available immediately'. I got my wedding dress from there, end of range designer, one of the more expensive ones at £400. Lots are £200-£300. Mine was beautiful.

Hiya sorry to me out of communication.
She's been intouch, today- I'm wondering if she's a mumsnetter and recognised her behaviour- several other mutual friends have also mysteriously been in touch and casually asked if she's been in touch. I think the arm may reach long grin
Any way she's doing it, no problems, she apparently thought she'd messaged me, DOH! hmm So all is seemingly rosie-however i'm taking the advise and going for a back up at weekend- probably the Wedding charity shop in Cheadle someone mentioned- so even if I just donate it back I can just view it as passing on a donation.
OH never needed to phone- I think the mumsnet massive, in the form of my friends sorted her out already.

Thank you so much ladies!! You are all amazing and a wonderful generous supportive group of Women. flowers

sashh Tue 30-Apr-13 04:24:03

Glad it's turning out well, have a fantastic day.

Getting late to the party,

But I'm in Bolton and have a dress you could use as a back up? I'm 5'4 and it was tea length. I can't find a picture of it on my phone, but if you need it/want a picture I can sort that out. I orgnaised my wedding in 4 weeks, and the dress was lovely.

Good news Beanz, think the idea of a back up dress is a good one.

Mumsnet Massive in da house <sucks teeth> innit. That took it out of me, too many years away from South Laandon.

Good news on the dress. I think the charity shop back-up is an excellent idea. BTW after defriending you on FB, there is no way in the world she thought she had contacted you and forgot.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 30-Apr-13 16:43:44

I'm glad she's doing it - would a shame not to as she's started it. Would also be a shame to throw away a good friendship over politics.

On a practical note I would order a dress say from Monsoon as a back up. As long as you keep the labels on it you'll have 28 days to return it. So if she does go flakey on you you've got a back up but you won't be out of pocket.

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