To be pissed off PIL looked after baby while I was at work and left me with upset, screaming child

(215 Posts)
Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:16:57

At work this mornin so was dh but he was with dc most of time. Apparently he thought pil did fab jobplayin with dc and really stimulating him. I came home to a screaming tired underfed baby who needed a full outfit change. This was one of the first times they had dc and I had left instructions which they did seem to attempt to follow. Dh can't seem to understand why I think they are useless AIBU???

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:18:28


usualsuspect Sat 27-Apr-13 22:18:45


gordyslovesheep Sat 27-Apr-13 22:19:03

OMG they looked after him so you could work, played with him but forgot to keep him look like new in a pristine outfit ...the bastards - leave them


Loshad Sat 27-Apr-13 22:19:30



dribbleface Sat 27-Apr-13 22:20:22

Outfit change as in soaking wet/poo covered or just grubby?

AgentZigzag Sat 27-Apr-13 22:20:36

YAB a bit U, if this is their first time that doesn't mean they're useless.

Having them tired out is a good thing isn't it? And a bit of nosh and change of outfit is relatively minor things to fix.

If your DH thought they did a good job of looking after them and he was there, I can understand if he was a bit hmm about you saying his opinion doesn't count.

Could some of it be because it was their first time babysitting and you're a bit on edge about it?

BoundandRebound Sat 27-Apr-13 22:20:52

Yes you are unreasonable

But you'll get over yourself in about 10 years and a couple more kids


picnicbasketcase Sat 27-Apr-13 22:22:34

Bit of both really. Very good of them to look after him obviously. However, it shouldn't be too much to expect that they should any necessary care during that time that you would do, put him down for a nap, feed him, change him etc. It shouldn't be a case of you doing all the same things you would have done during that time, only later.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 22:23:26

Mm, if you'd been at home playing with him and he got overtired and started bawling just before dh got home, would dh have the right to tell you that you were a crap mother and criticize your lovely day?

Holier than fricking thou.

Babies get mucky, hungry, and bawl. They do that whether super mother has been present or not. Lighten up and say thank you, and get over yourself.

DearPrudence Sat 27-Apr-13 22:23:34

YABU. I know it can be a challenge to accept that other people don't look after you child exactly as you would, but it will cause you a whole lot of stress if you insist on every detail being as you want it.

OriginalRoute Sat 27-Apr-13 22:23:35

YABU May I introduce you to the concept of paid child care, and the difference between it and MASSIVE FAVOUR.

OriginalRoute Sat 27-Apr-13 22:23:35

YABU May I introduce you to the concept of paid child care, and the difference between it and MASSIVE FAVOUR.

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 22:24:01

You sound nice hmm

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 22:24:17

Especially as you left instructions which they did their best to follow.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 27-Apr-13 22:25:34


I wish we had had family to provide free childcare, sorry but get over yourself. YOUR child, if it bothers you so much look after your own child. angry

Were they typed instructions, laminated, taped to the fridge?

Seriously. Unclench. Your DH was there, he didn't have a problem. Or isn't he as good a parent as you?

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:28:20

Ok I am a bitch! But my mum normally looks after dc. I thought today the PIL could have him but this afternoon drove me mad after they totally tired dv out. My PIL are coming to babysit one evening this week not my idea but I am dreading what I am going to come back to, I know I am bein horrible but does anyone understand- I'll be the one up thro the night dh does nothing

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:28:52

Erm, so under feeding a baby is alright then ? O kaaaaay hmm

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:06

Oh and more than, op was at work, not off on a jolly!

AgentZigzag Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:19

I'm sure the little mite wasn't a starving wreck when their mum came back Polly grin

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:41

He was soaking wet and I honestly think it is easier paying for childcare- the adoring grandparents are happy to be involved for a few hours but then leave you all the crap

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:33:33

My dh is happy to play super daddy in public but does not in the house that's why he had to have them over today

morethanpotatoprints Sat 27-Apr-13 22:33:57


Hey welcome to the real world, you have your mum and pil to provide childcare for you and you are moaning. You sound the most entitled person I have ever heard of.
Yes, you do have to get up with small children during the night.

Do you ever spend or want to spend time with your dc? Why did you have kids? I think I will hide your thread because you are making my blood pressure rise angry

gorionine Sat 27-Apr-13 22:36:03


ThePskettiIncident Sat 27-Apr-13 22:37:08

So have it out with your should instead of bemoaning his parents who did you a favour. If your dh is a lazy twunt, he needs to pitch in.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:37:18

Charming morethanpotatoprints I spend a lot of time with dc but do work to try to give him a good life

ThePskettiIncident Sat 27-Apr-13 22:37:42

Should = DH! Apologies

ShadowStorm Sat 27-Apr-13 22:38:04

Not sure really - if it's been years since they looked after a small child, it may just be that they're a bit rusty?

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:38:09

No Agent, just screaming, tired and underfed sad.
Mamacj, I think you would need to have a little chat with them, no blame, just go over the basics

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:38:33

No Agent, just screaming, tired and underfed sad.
Mamacj, I think you would need to have a little chat with them, no blame, just go over the basics

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:38:47

You see I don't think of it as a favour as I wanted my mum to do it

MrsBombastic Sat 27-Apr-13 22:40:03

1) They did you a favour, if you don't like it then yes, pay for childcare.
2) If your hubby is a lazy slob, kick him into touch or kick him out.
3) I think you just don't like PIL babysitting and is making a big deal out of nothing.
4) In terms of "leaving you with all the crap", yes, that's what grandparents do.
5) Why don't you tell THEM that and see what they say?

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:40:23

If your husband was there most of the time, why did he not change his childs nappy?

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:40:43

ShadowStorm and Pollydon I think they are a bit clueless and will need to go through things with them

Cravingdairy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:40:47

I'm sure they did their best, looking after someone else's baby is hard and while your DH was there he was the responsible one.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Sat 27-Apr-13 22:40:48

YABU I'm afraid. If my Mum looks after 8 month DS, he normally comes back tired, hungry and cranky. It's got nothing to do with her ability to look after him, just the change in person, routine and environment.

Also, sometimes babies can just have cranky days. I've recently gone back to work and DH stays home. Occasionally I've come home to a blotchy bawling baby, who has been crying for 3 hours despite DH's best efforts, which doesn't make him a shit dad. It's all down to trust. It doesn't sound as if you trust your PIL very much, but hopefully the next time will go much better and reassure you.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:41:53

My dh doesn't do nappy changing- I thought most were the same!

usualsuspect Sat 27-Apr-13 22:42:35

Are you on some sort of wind up?

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:43:11

Thank you that's been the most helpful reply!

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:43:19

Fucking hell morethanpotatoes, get a grip, the op works, you know, to earn money for her family !

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 27-Apr-13 22:43:52

Oh dear.

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 22:44:25

You see I don't think of it as a favour as I wanted my mum to do it

Probably just another example of the woman's parents being seen as more important the Dads I think. And you probably dont like your PILs very much.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 27-Apr-13 22:44:37

That 'oh dear' was to you OP.

Of course men change nappies. Ones who don't are lazy, and think they are more important than you are.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:45:36

True sweetestcup

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 22:45:49

My dh doesn't do nappy changing- I thought most were the same!

Are you for real? Speak for yourself if youve been landed with a useless hands off Dad.

Cravingdairy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:46:15

" My dh doesn't do nappy changing- I thought most were the same!"

Really, really not.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:46:52

Yes seriously he refuses

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Sat 27-Apr-13 22:46:54

He doesn't do nappy changing? That's mostly DH's job here. I do it in the early mornings, but DH does it the rest of the day. Slightly redresses the balance of me doing all the night wakings (breast feeding still).

Most dads I know do nappies. The only ones who don't are rather hands off full stop.

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:47:26

Where are all the teenagers that live with you? Can they not babysit?

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 22:47:36

YABU especially the bit where you said I thought PIL could have him, not how they kindly offered to have him etc. You obviously don't like your PIL and think just you and your mum know best.
They did you a huge favour, stop being so precious.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Apr-13 22:47:43

I think you have bigger problems than not liking your pils if you think men don't change nappy.

CocktailQueen Sat 27-Apr-13 22:47:58

Pollydon, are you actually the op?? Bizarre posting times...

Op, yabu I think. How do u know your baby is ndertand? But, my god, if your dh was there all day and your bb's nappy didn't get changed, then he is a lazy toad.

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:48:10

sorry wrong thread! I was reading two similar threads at the same time!! oops!

Your problem is your DH. And your attitude that it's ok for your mum to have your DC but not your in-laws.

ssd Sat 27-Apr-13 22:49:48

morethan is spot on, the op works and has family running after her so she can work and she's on here bitching about them

op, you said it yourself

"He was soaking wet and I honestly think it is easier paying for childcare- the adoring grandparents are happy to be involved for a few hours but then leave you all the crap"

bet you've never paid for childcare in your life, if you had you wouldnt be so utterly entitled....and as for calling your PIL useless angry, you do know one day you'll be the PIL???

WellJustCallHimDave Sat 27-Apr-13 22:49:58

Mamacj, there are two types of father: The type which change their baby's nappy when required to do so and the type which refuse to.

The first type is called Dad. The second, if the mother has any sense, is called the non resident parent.

Oh, and you're being unreasonable.

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:51:10

No cocktail, I popped my last baby out a good 14 years ago.
Not sure where your going with the posting times, I type, then I post, like every other fucker on here.

ssd Sat 27-Apr-13 22:51:20

op are you and you dh 16? you sound it

Smudging Sat 27-Apr-13 22:51:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:51:49

I've never left dc with dh for longer than an hour or so and he's a year! Am I being a bit possessive I just thought this would be normal with mums as well as wanting to do all the looking after at the weekend while dc is in childcare all week

5318008 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:52:04

your DH is a knob then

refusing to change his baby's nappy is appalling

you've got bigger problems than loving grandparents I'm afraid


rocketeer Sat 27-Apr-13 22:52:22

YABU, and your DH is def being U. Why won't he change a nappy?

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 22:53:11

OP you are a fool. If you want to be a mug to your DH fine, but don't take it out on your PIL when they are just trying to help. Seriously, its women like you that create these lazy bastard men, he's supposed to be your equal partner, how utterly ridiculous that you think its ok that he doesn't change nappies.
Book yourself a weekend away with a mate and leave DH with the childcare, he'll soon learn how to change nappies and to be grateful for everything you do.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:53:37

Ssd I pay for full time nursery since dc was 4 months

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 22:54:03

He refuses. Ffs.

Leave him with the baby for the weekend in entirety and fuck off somewhere else.

You need to get that sort of sheer stupidity sorted out now.

Adults change nappies, wipe up sick and vomit, and look after their children.

If they don't, they shouldn't have shagged you and got you up the duff in the first place.

He is a father.

Tell him to act like one, and leave him with the baby until they understand they each other.

What a prize load of cock. And you, op, are buying into it.

That's if you haven't just popped on to wind up the wimmin.

Fathers change nappies. And they feed babies in the night too. And they are just as capable of it as the mother, with the exception that she has had to express the milk in the first place.

Just because he has a penis doesn't mean it stops him parenting.

You need to tell him to shape up, now.

And you need to tell him to fuck off for a vasectomy if he thinks he's impregnating you again, unless he starts accepting some bog standard ordinary parenting.

Unless you have time travelled from 1952. Obv.

Doesn't change nappies. Ffs.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 22:54:33

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Did we time travel back to 1956 and I missed it?

Of course a father is capable of changing a nappy and looking after his own child.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:55:26

Flojobunny I don't think I could leave my little one for a weekend is that wrong?

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 22:56:00

've never left dc with dh for longer than an hour or so and he's a year! Am I being a bit possessive I just thought this would be normal with mums as well as wanting to do all the looking after at the weekend while dc is in childcare all week

So you think its not normal for Dads to get involved then to? Does your DH really refuse to change a nappy or is it you just take over everything? Seriously - your DH has never been alone with his own child for longer than an hour??

ShadowStorm Sat 27-Apr-13 22:56:38

My dh doesn't do nappy changing- I thought most were the same!

No, I don't think so. DH doesn't like changing nappies, but if I'm not there and he's in charge of DS, he gets on with it and changes nappies when needed. As do most fathers.

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 22:56:53

Ok, so I get the inlaws thing because I have been blessed cursed with a mil who will go against any guidance I'll give about my son because she thinks she knows better despite the fact she lives 12000 miles away and has met him twice.

However, a husband who won't change nappies?!? Are you for real? What is it, the 1950s house round your's?

Speaking of which, morethan? Love. Some women a lot of us parent and work. Having a child does not involve a choice between work or family for a lot of women. Food is quite important when you have kids. And unless you have a farm in your back garden, and if as a couple both your incomes are important, that tends to involve work.

But you're right. She should follow her natural role. She is a disgrace you need to wind your neck in

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 22:57:25

Seriously sweetestcup again I thought that was normal

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:57:26

from your other thread op:

"My ds is 8 months and has been at nursery since he was 4 months- he is a really sociable little boy. My mum has been so good since he was born and I she has looked after him when we have been away"

You managed to leave him with your mum... now try leaving him with your husband..

I seriously suggest you find a tardis. To get you to the current century.

Oh and a backbone would be handy too.

pigletmania Sat 27-Apr-13 22:58:25

Yabvvu, and ungrateful. Why did your dh not feed your ds then as he was there.

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 22:58:41

Seriously sweetestcup again I thought that was normal

Ok...why did you think this was normal?

ssd Sat 27-Apr-13 22:58:46

she needs more than a bloody tardis

Pollydon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:58:54

Sorry op, but the dh not changing nappies is bonkers.

Smudging Sat 27-Apr-13 22:58:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 22:59:39


Interesting. Am a bit drunk and may have missed the nuances skimmed

Present your evidence to the bar whywhywhywhy?

BegoniaBampot Sat 27-Apr-13 23:00:09

well if you find a man who physically neglects his baby attractive then go for it. My husband was the first person to change our firstborn's nappy as i couldn't. he didn't have a clue but got on with it as it had to be done.

musicposy Sat 27-Apr-13 23:01:12

Your DH doesn't change nappies? Why not? Is it not his child? Does he think they arrive potty trained? If he wouldn't do it you can hardly blame PIL!

You left instructions? FFS, why? Surely they brought up your DH?

Your DH is being a prize twat and you are being unkind to PIL.

A few years down the line and you will look back in shame. I promise you.

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 23:01:18

Part of it could be that he can't do anything right in my eyes!!

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 23:01:59

So has he tried to change nappies but you have not allowed him to?

Mamacj Sat 27-Apr-13 23:02:49

He definately hasn't tried to do the nappy changing !

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:03:03

Ok, the more I read, the less I want to stick up for you.

I see what yo up mean, always

Either you are a doormat and to be honest coming across as incredibly naive and a bit thick

Or ..... something else.

ssd Sat 27-Apr-13 23:03:42

if my ds's marry a woman like the op I'm topping myself

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:04:18

<knowing I will regret being dragged into this>

Why the fuck didn't you tell him to get involved? What exactly do you think dads do?

<pushes SSD off cliff and jumps off after her>

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:05:09

He's 8 months and he hasn't changed a happy shock I thought he was a couple of months old. OP you infuriate me. Why do you let a man behave this way. Either leave DS with him and stop being a control freak and allow him to step up or leave DH because he'll never be good enough.

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:05:40

SSD - your DS will hopefully be a decent man who is interested in caring for his child.

YoniMontana Sat 27-Apr-13 23:05:50

Really? YABU and ungrateful!

i'd be more pissed off with fucking useless husband and father than his parents.

he refuses to change his child's nappy?

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:07:32

Actually I think we are being a bit mean to her DH. I think DH probably tried to put the nappy on once but OP is such a control freak she flipped on him and told him it was all wrong so DH decided to leave her to it since she knew best. DH and his parents probably don't get a look in with DS. It's all about OP and her DM.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:07:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

He'd be doing every fucking nappy change from now on if I had anything to do with it.

Actually. No. He wouldn't. Because his arse would be on the sunny side of the latch. Permanently.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:09:26

<adds codicil about not being woman-blaming, but important to lay equal blame on penis-wielder>

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 23:09:36

I am thinking that he may not be useless.. just not actually allowed to do anything without his wifes permission, or he faces her wrath for fucking it up... confused

Clearly this extends to his family too.. but not her own.

Send him to me for a fortnight. I'd soon train him. grin

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:10:39

arse would be on the sunny side of the latch I love it, I am going to use that from now on!

LadyIsabellaWrotham Sat 27-Apr-13 23:11:21

Is your DH Gordon Ramsay OP? Because he's the only man I can think of in the last 20 years who refused to do nappies. And the reason that I know it about him is because it gets mentioned in articles because it's really fucking unusual in a resident father.

If you are married to Gordon Ramsay then LTB cos he's a hideous unfaithful shouty POS. If not, then just get a grip.

Actually, on a technicality, it would be the "freezing and pishing down" side of the latch grin

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:13:00

Oh Gordon. Mmm, I dunno. He's my secret crush, really. Not exactly father material, but he tries hard with the candid shots of kids n pigs running about on the lawn....

If he's Gordon Ramsey, I volunteer to train him. <eyes Freddie>

ssd Sat 27-Apr-13 23:13:16

why is the dh getting an arse kicking? he's probably tried but gets told off by the op as only she and her mum are good enough

stop all the man hating shite and read the thread people

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:13:33

Gordon Ramsay is unfaithful? shock you mean he managed to find someone else willing to shagging him? Who would be that stupid? was you OP wasn't it? You are the mistress.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:14:33

Ha Freddie I was thinking much the same, still love it tho!

balia Sat 27-Apr-13 23:14:36

The thing is, one of my friends said things like this about her DH, and I thought he was a total dick...until I was actually there with both of them, and watched my mate utterly undermine him, non-stop criticism, snatching the baby back and redoing whatever he had tried to do. she was so controlling it was scary - but she was desparate to do things right (abusive childhood) and I think she thought if he gained in confidence and learned how to settle the baby/change nappies/feed, he would see she was rubbish (she wasn't, just her perception).

So things aren't always straightforward.

How do you feel about going back to work when your baby was 4 months old, OP?

True SSD.

Oh and Gordon fucking Ramsay. You can keep him. I'm having James Martin, OKAY? <narrows eyes>

Fluffymonster Sat 27-Apr-13 23:15:23

Tbh I can sort of relate to the OP - but I think it's more to do with family dynamics, and not being quite as comfortable giving instructions and saying exactly what you want - as they're not your own parents.

It used to drive me nuts after PILs had been babysitting to find baby still awake, being bounced on knees at 10pm, the moses basket in the middle of the lounge instead of staying upstairs as requested (because we were trying to sleep train). Oh and the stinking nappies that were mysteriously full to overflowing even though "Oh, I did change her...[but I thought I'd leave that one for when you got back]" Other times Dd1 being dressed in layers of woolly clothes when everyone else was in t-shirts and shorts, stuffed with sugary biscuits at every opportunity...hmm

After a while it just became obvious that some of it was down to my insecurities as a first time parent (is baby your first?) - desperate to 'prove' I was doing a great job, and seeing every difference in approach as an affront to my ability to parent. They were doting grandparents who had been through it twice (albeit decades ago) and much more relaxed about various details. Took it all less seriously - but it felt like they were taking me less seriously, as a mother. Also it bugged me that every time they babysat, it was like the first time - i.e. I had to explain everything again, like they'd never done it before - but actually it was just that babies do change even in the space of a few weeks, so things you take for granted, they really aren't that familiar with.

But...that was with the first baby, by the time our second came along - I was so much more relaxed - and grateful! Dispensed with neurotic, control-freakery instructions and took the attitude of 'when you're in charge, you do it your way' and it was much better all round.

Neither dcs have been harmed - they love their grands.

So YANBU for being a bit pissed off, but YABU to expect them to do everything the same way, and make the same choices you would.

YABVU to think men don't change nappies - what decade are you in lol.! That is not the norm.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:17:24

James Martin oh I bet he changes nappies .... (in my mind, in his apron and nothing else)

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:17:48

<hears flojo's remark and whistles innocently>

I'd only do it once. Just to see.

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 23:18:17

He probably has tried to change a nappy in the early days and you made him feel such a useless twat he hasnt again.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:19:25

Just to see what exactly <joins in the innocent whistle>

olgaga Sat 27-Apr-13 23:20:16


If people ignore the kind of routine your baby is used to, then you need to make the kind of childcare arrangements which will.

I never could understand this "tiring babies/toddlers out" philosophy. I guess it must work for some children but it certainly never worked for my DD. It would be painful to watch, and to deal with the aftermath.

Some children need routine and the kind of "stimulation" they get from some people is entirely counter-productive.

However, I don't rate your chances of persuading your DH - he sounds like a bit of a knob.

Hopefully he'll learn - the PIL won't always be there to help him out.

I have SEARCHED and SEARCHED for the red nose day clip where James Martin was about 18 and stripped to the buff.

Can anyone please find it for me? <wheedles>

<off topic>

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:22:12

Oh yes please, let have a nice distracting link of James Martin. Don't think OP is coming back...

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:22:28

I kind of see the Gordon Ramsey thing, but the compulsive yessing would shut my ladyland down like a security shutter.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 27-Apr-13 23:27:42

OP is not a troll.

There is an AIBU to not want her 8 month old looked after overnight by her pils.

OP, perhaps if you feel your ds will need to be looked after during the night you could call your overnight nanny. Rather than upset your beauty sleep.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:27:49

I bet his pillow talk is very slutty tho.

Right. I have discovered it was in 1998 that James got his kit off.

I have not yet discovered any footage hope the kids never look at the search history on this laptop

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:28:48

James Martin? James Martin? Yes, he'd change nappies. Am strangely weirded out by the idea of him nekkid in a pinny, though. confused

I may have to google, just to remind meself.

Do you not know any other families?

I don't understand how your baby can have reached a year and you haven't ever noticed another father changing a nappy.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:32:11

Oh potato. Overnight nanny?

There's not a lot of actual parenting going on at all in that scenario, then, is there? But I guess if you can pay for it, you may as well outsource.

I'm wondering why it was necessary to bother the grandparents or dh at all...

Compulsive yessing? Good lord, what have you been watching?

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:32:15

Found this tho

But Jason Donovan? Bleughh, I need brain bleach now.

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:32:36

James "fat face bad shirt sloppy lover" Martin?


Fuck. Give me a slice of Tom Aitchison any day of the week. He is as dirty as Ramsey without the pockmarked hate face.

Why have I given chef shagging so much thought?!

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:33:25

He doesn't trim does he!

sweetestcup Sat 27-Apr-13 23:33:58

olga if you read the thread then you will probably have the same opinion as me that he isnt allowed a chance to learn!

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:34:33

You know, always. It's like a verbal tic.

"Three veal, yes? Salad of scallop, yes? Your restaurant is fucking shit, yes?"

Vagina sealant, each and every one.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:36:24

It's the food link, sheshe. Very sensual.

<although am still guffawing in an unladylike manner at 'pockmarked hate face'>

Yeah. There's something not quite right about a James Martin fantasy. On so many levels.

At least with Gordon, you know you're supposed to feel guilty about it. I mean, you could introduce James Martin to your mother. That's not fantasy territory.

I have no clue who Tom Aitchison is...

Ditching the useless husband would enable the OP to get shot of the sub-standard grandparents too.

Flojo - wouldn't you end up with chest hair in your risotto? Surely chefs cooking topless need to wear the chest equivalent of those catering hairnets.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:39:21

Topless? Scroll further down, its the other hair I was worried about find in my risotto <getting stuck between my teeth>

YoniMontana Sat 27-Apr-13 23:40:39

James Martin from Top Gear?

I could post a rude comment but I'm not that sort of girl oh no I'm not open wide


Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:42:12

<puts beer down>

Aitkens! Aitkens! He's the one I would do. There is no such chef as Tom Aitchison.

God, I need to stop drinking.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:42:18

That's James May in Top Gear
Ewww ewww eww

Oh I quite like Tom

LadyIsabellaWrotham Sat 27-Apr-13 23:46:22

No, that's James May Yoni. James Martin is a Sleb Chef off of Saturday Kitchen and Strictly Come Dancing.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 27-Apr-13 23:47:22


I don't think the overnight nanny is constant but obviously available. Its each to their own but a bit hypocritical to come on here saying your dh does nothing, pil are useless and the OP will have to get up with her own dc during the night, especially when she obviously has so much support.

Oh well, the naked men sound much more fun! Although I did misread one and thought somebody said that Gordon Ramsey wore nappies grin

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:49:20

Bwahahahahaha! James may! Sorry, sorry, as you were. Have now made the acquaintance of the Tom Aiken of which you speak, and, erm, yes.

I also availed myself of the linky, and am still trying to get the image of the naked Jason Donovan (I will never drink again after seeing him wrapped round that bottle) out of my head. Blee indeed.

And that James has moobs. <gavel>

But, if we were going to head over to Top Gear, I'd keep the Hamster in a cage if no one else wants him. It's more of a pity thing, I think, with the badly thought out wardrobe and whatnot, but he shares the whole head injury thing with dh, so I do feel some sort of deep psychological kinship thing.

I had never noticed Gordon's yessing. Dear lord, where has my mind been when he's on the box? You've ruined him for me now, sheshe. Ruined.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:49:32

Oh no it was bad enough having a mental image of James May naked let alone Gordon in an over sized nappy!

foreverondiet Sat 27-Apr-13 23:50:36

Yabu - they were doing you a favour. They aren't used to looking after small babies. Your DH was there most of the time. I realised very early on (dc1 now 9.5 years) that free childcare = on their terms, paid childcare = on your terms. You decide what's best for you.

If my mil look after (little) DC then they sleep in the day so aren't tired at bedtime (he fell asleep in car couldn't bear to wake him) older dc eat too many biscuits and don't eat dinner. But it's free childcare and I really appreciate it.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:50:46

Sheshe, you have a look at that Jason Donovan link again, love. That'll stop you drinking.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:52:00

I never noticed the yessing either, goes to find hells kitchen on Dave or wherever it'll be.
You can keep the master but then if its a choice out of him and James may then fair enough.

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:52:36

Oh goodness. Compulsive yessing and nappies. I really am cured now.

I'll have to return to my stand-by crush, Sean Bean. Sorry, Gordon.

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:53:53

"You like it, yes? You're a dirty girl, yes? Harder, yes?"

<vomits into a soufflé>

I'd do Clarko just to see him cry. Then I'd laugh in his face.

Fuck. I have to stop drinking.

Am I getting James Martin <confused> ?

alwayslateforwork Sat 27-Apr-13 23:54:14

Freddie, I keep trying to watch that link. 4 minutes is a long time!! I hope it's worth the wait. Corrie Oliver is as far as I've got so far...

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:54:51

Sean Bean mmmm I remember him flashing his bits in lady chatterley.....

foreverondiet Sat 27-Apr-13 23:55:10

Actually on reading rest of thread I think you are U to stay married to a man who won't change his babies nappy it look after him. Yes of course fair enough to want to spend time with your child at weekend but surely your DH also would want to spend time with his child....

Move the wee slider thingy at the bottom and zoom through the boring bits always

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 23:56:15

Sheshe you meant to say you f-ing like it? Yes? You f-king dirty girl. Yes? ....

Flojo shock blush. With that height of work surface you'd have to hope he didn't do any chopping.

Sheshelob Sat 27-Apr-13 23:59:57


"Peel my fucking carrot, yes? Stir my fucking gravy, yes? Sieve my fucking 00 flour to make some delightful fucking ravioli, yes?"

Who's the 5th chef?

olgaga Sun 28-Apr-13 00:01:56

sweetest I have read the whole thread and I still think DH is a knob.

Flojobunny Sun 28-Apr-13 00:02:25


alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:04:04

I tried Freddie. Fricking iPad is beyond me and it doesn't seem to work.

Phil Vickery?

Sheshelob Sun 28-Apr-13 00:08:13

I think Jason Donovan looks sexy I that picture. Sexy.

That is how drunk I must be.

Pint of water and paracetamol before bed Shes

<nods wisely>

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:11:14

Sheshe, you are beyond help. You need kinship. <goes to get another bottle>

That said, I didn't scroll down far enough before, and I can see why you'd not notice the moobs with the entire picture.

He is wearing eyeliner though. Perhaps he's not as vanilla as I first suspected, that James.

YoniMontana Sun 28-Apr-13 00:12:08

Sorry! I did wonder why everyone thought that would be hot!

<gets out magnifying glass>

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:15:43

We need a suitable phil vickery linky, Freddie. Anyone that routinely appears on breakfast tv can't be all that hot, really, can they? <willing to be converted>

I did find Gino di what'shisface naked on This Morning....

candyandyoga Sun 28-Apr-13 00:17:48

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Sheshelob Sun 28-Apr-13 00:18:08

<grabs for water, tripping over the dog and falls into vat of wine>


See, I'd got for a reformed crackhead over that mum-friendly doughfest any time. But I'll have to review said Donovan photo tomorrow to see just how wrong it is. At the moment if just looks secksi. Real secksi.

<stares into the middle distance wondering what the fuck happened>

I have a date tomorrow <kills thread>

YoniMontana Sun 28-Apr-13 00:20:21
b4bunnies Sun 28-Apr-13 00:21:19

novel idea for you .... stop working and look after your own child. otherwise, stop moaning. you won't do it so you take your chances with those who will.

I love that thing James May did in the car mag. Hang on ...


alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:22:51

Sheshe, this wine stuff gives you the gift of the gab, for sure. Mum-friendly dough fest is what I wanted to say about James Martin, but I just didn't have the words. Or enough wine.

But that Jason Donovan pic is just wrong. Wrong. And once you can focus again, you read the 'pop his cork' paragraph next to it and see if it doesn't bring on that hangover full force. Bad girl.

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:25:00

What did James may do in the car mag? <aghast> I just get second hand autos with that linky...

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:35:30

Ha! Oh, I see! I didn't notice before! That's kinda funny, but I'm mostly relieved that he didn't get his kit off... Is that wrong?

Sheshelob Sun 28-Apr-13 00:36:42

See, the bad pun makes it that much sexier. I love a bad pun. And a naked second-rate former soap star with a look of clawing desperation in his pranged-out eyes. He had me at pop.

Oh, Jason. Out your tears on my pillow.

Sheshelob Sun 28-Apr-13 00:37:37

Or put. You could put them there, too.

<curses drunk thumbs>

OMG I just found the Cosmo naked centrefold pic of James Martin.

Damn that man can cook in my kitchen anytime.

Now, about this date I'm having ......

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:42:37

Good lord, yoni. You have dug up a James may picture that actually makes me wonder - that red carpet one!

Date, you say, Freddie? Does he cook?

Sadly no. He's a crap cook. He has promised take away

TheFallenNinja Sun 28-Apr-13 00:45:45

Don't leave "instructions". He's your husband, show some respect.

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:46:43

Hmm, what other naked second rate former soap stars can we dig up? Most of them doing clawing desperation quite well (although I suspect that wasn't the look he was going for)...

Having missed the oz and James thing entirely - what in the heck was going on in that pic of oz in the tub with James shrugging off a robe? I fear that I have missed a gem!

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:47:15

Not the first date, then?! grin

grin no the second

(we went out before, it's kind of a part 2)

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 00:57:18

Does he look good nekkid in a pinny?

Or is that part 3? grin

grin I haven't decided yet if I'm staying over tomorrow or coming home What kind of girl do you think I am wink I'll be gutted if I come home

YoniMontana Sun 28-Apr-13 00:58:49

I aim to please grin
That magazine thing was clever. I like it!

YoniMontana Sun 28-Apr-13 00:59:38

Hope your date goes well Freddie ;)

I'd do James May and the Hamster in that red carpet pic Yoni

I'm nervous blush we went for coffee last week and it was soooo nice and I got a snog

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 01:08:57

You know I'm going to have to come back tomorrow night and see if you got home? You can't post tomorrow, that way we'll still be on tenterhooks...

Coffee to takeaway at his is a pretty big leap! I'd say he wasn't planning on you making it home...

blush I know. But he's sweet and he's kind and the sex is amazing I treated him like crap the last time blush

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 01:21:41

Ah, a re-run. Have fun x

WellJustCallHimDave Sun 28-Apr-13 09:12:10

Did someone mention Sean Bean?

* Eyes light up *

Freddiem, I told you I'd stalk you. wink

Sheshelob Sun 28-Apr-13 09:44:38

<wakes up with driest mouth and loudest child known to mankind>

Daren't look at Jason Donovan this morning. I feel like he's the end of night snog I need to forget.

Good morning all grin

Well Hellooooooo Dave

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 28-Apr-13 11:00:51

YABVU, PIL did you a favour and you are still moaning despite having childcare on tap so you can go out and away without your child.

Your DH should be doing far more but its hard to tell if he is lazy or you dont let him. Or perhaps given the amount of time your child is with others there simply arent many opportunities for him to do one to one care.

DukeSilver Sun 28-Apr-13 11:07:20

WTF?? Doesn't do nappy changing and you thought that was normal?! confused

It is so utterly and completely not normal.

minniemagoo Sun 28-Apr-13 11:29:51

Tbh I think you are doing your DC a disservice in the long run. I get the impression you have limited the time your Dh and his parents have had with your dc. They need to learn his routine, habits too. Of course your mum is going to be better in your eyes if she has had more contact. Its a learning curve. The GP/GC relationship can be as fantastic one and aI do feel it is a patents responsibility to try to build the best one possible. Give them a break, you may come to appreciate the extra break. Don't react to this setback, put effort into making it better next time. Maybe less rules, focus on one part of dcs routine for therm tho stick to.

Awks Sun 28-Apr-13 11:42:24

James Martin is a bit of a player, that I DO know smile

alwayslateforwork Sun 28-Apr-13 23:47:51

<sneaks back to see if Freddie comes home, and if sheshe plucks up enough courage to get an eyeful of the Jason in the cold light of day>

Sheshelob Sun 28-Apr-13 23:57:05

I did. Still would.

I may need help.

<sobs quietly to self while repeated checking Donovan picture>

<Staggers in. >

Realises she has to be up for work in 3 ours.

Damn. It. Was. Worth. It.

Happy sigh.

Goodnight ladies.

alwayslateforwork Mon 29-Apr-13 07:33:08

You two are terrible. For entirely different reasons. grin

YoniMeKateMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 29-Apr-13 10:14:45

Morning all,

We'd like to remind you that troll hunting is against our talk guidelines. We'll be going through the thread and deleting any posts that breaks the GL.

CoffeeChocolateWine Mon 29-Apr-13 10:25:50

YABU, but I do remember with my PFB it would get to me a bit when my DS was perfect and happy all day when his routine was right (ie. when he was with me!) and damn hard work, crying and irritable and not knowing what to do with himself when it was wrong (ie. when not with me).

But it was probably you not being there that threw everything out the window, not something your PIL did wrong so it's very unfair to say they are useless. And it was their first time and they did their best and tried to follow your instructions, but you not being there unsettled him so he didn't sleep as long as he usually does and he didn't eat as well as he usually does. I do understand it's frustrating when you are the person who has to deal with the overtired and irritable baby but you just have to accept that that's going to happen sometimes if you leave him with someone else.

So yes, YABU but a part of me understands your frustration because I've felt it too in the past.

Re your DH, nappies aside is he a good dad in other ways or is all of it left to you? Or are you the type of mum that just does everything herself? My brother refuses to do his DC's nappies too but in every other way he is an amazing dad and an amazing uncle to my DC. But he doesn't do nappies!

mrsjay Mon 29-Apr-13 10:40:17

his was one of the first times they had dc and I had left instructions which they did seem to attempt to follow. Dh can't seem to understand why I think they are useless AIBU???

they are grandparents not flipping robots are you taking the piss, seriously

alwayslateforwork Mon 29-Apr-13 14:08:26

Blimey, Kate. You took your time!

Footface Mon 29-Apr-13 15:21:09

I think you have control issues, rather than a lazy dh. He doesn't change nappies, I wonder if that's because in your eyes he can't do it right.

You lucky your pil/ mum are interested in your ds. In 20tears time you will be the position of you pil. Imaging how involved you would like to be, snd treat them that way

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