To be a size 22 and happy with my body

(237 Posts)
Lucyellensmum95 Sat 27-Apr-13 21:58:51

I am a size 22 up top - blessed in the nork department and a size 18 on the bottom.

Sometimes i get irritated because i can't find clothes in my size that i like but when i look at my body in the mirror - i like it.

As i say, my top heaviness is due to an ample bosum, which is, for my age pretty firm still.

I have been slimmer, in fact i was a size 10 when i met DP - but that was 20 years ago. Then after i had DD 7 years ago, due to illness i was a size 12 again - miserable, i hated it, my breasts shrunk and i didn't feel like me.

I do have self esteem issues but not surrounding my body.

When i tell people i am happy being the size i am they make hmm faces at me - i find this insulting.

I am pretty fit, i walk for miles and cycle distances that make the hmm face pullers making shock faces and declaring that they can't do that. I am extremely flexible and can touch the floor next to my toes wth the flats of my hands without bending my knees

I would be happy to be a size 18 on top and a size 16/14 down below but no slimmer, thanks. I would probably prefer that size but for no reasons other than health reasons - i eat a healthy diet but probably drink a little too much wine I also have flabby thighs which need sorting out, but othe than that, when i look in the mirror, i like what i see.

I'm 5'2"

I am a very sexual person and i FEEL sexy and my DP certainly thinks i'm sexy.

As i say, i have self esteem issues but they are no way associated with my body imagine. I don't like my face so much.

AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body.

blackcats73 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:01:54

Good luck to you! The only reservation for me would be the health risks of being overweight.

interalia Sat 27-Apr-13 22:06:30

No YANBU. I think it's very rude of people to pull faces at you when you say you're happy.

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:07:11

That is a fair point blackcats - i recognise this and eat a healthy diet, in fact i don't eat that much at all i have a bastard mirena coil which is what seemed to prompt the weight gain so for that reason i do think i could lose a bit yes, but only for the health reasons and not body image.

StickyFloor Sat 27-Apr-13 22:08:25

Well good for you, but your point is undermined by mentioning that you would actually like to be slimmer and fix your thighs.

Also, I think you are on to a losing battle here:

Thin people are unlikely to ever really believe you, as they won't comprehend the idea of being fat and ok with that.
Former fatties who are now thin certainly won't believe you.
Current fatties who want to lose weight (like me) won't believe you either.

gordyslovesheep Sat 27-Apr-13 22:08:32

Oh NO you are absolutely NOT BU - you are allowed to be happy despite not conforming to the 'desired' size 0 - now just tell me how you reach this happy place because I am fed up with not liking my perfectly nice middle aged body!

Bridgetbidet Sat 27-Apr-13 22:08:46

Nothing wrong with being happy and feeling good about yourself.

Some people are just that build, it's in the genes.

The one thing though, have you seen that show 'Secret Eaters' do you think you might be eating more than you actually realize? Because I would worry about the health aspects if that was the case. Particularly as you have a little girl so obviously you're not going to want to take risks with heart disease/diabetes etc with her being so young.

candyandyoga Sat 27-Apr-13 22:11:38

Sorry I don't believe you. I'm not saying you should be skinny but size 22 is not healthy at all - and I talk from personal experience.

interalia Sat 27-Apr-13 22:11:54

Being in the 'overweight' range is not actually shown to increase the likelihood of health problems. It's only when you get into the obese category that it becomes statistically significant (but not a foregone conclusion that you will have health problems). The one thing I would say is that even if all your organs etc are healthy, extra weight can put pressure on your joints. But you say you exercise etc so hopefully that will be offset.

awkwardsis Sat 27-Apr-13 22:16:14

yanbu. But I'm with stickyfloor- I'm a former fatty and I can't bear the thought of ever being that size again (at a size 18, 5 foot 7 I was 4 if not 5 stone overweight). Life as a size 10 is just much nicer for me. No thighs rubbing in summer is a bloody revelation, I can finally wear skirts. But I never claimed to be happy at the size I was so good luck to you.

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:16:39

If you are that size and only 5ft 2, then you are obese, which is not healthy.

You will be putting a lot of extra strain on your internal organs.

Weeeeeelll ..... I'm not sure being fitter than the average person (if you are is really good enough) - like you I can walk for miles and I gardened for 10 hours straight the other day.

But a proper look at what I just said doesn't mean 'real' fitness - I can walk 20 miles as long as its straight, shove in a hill and I'm fucked grin

I'm the same-ish size as you Lem and while I wholeheartedly agree with being happy with how I look and my sex appeal I would still like to carry a bit less actual weight - I can feel the strain on my back and hips now I've got over 40.

Research proves people are healthier slightly over weight rather than underweight but I'd probably still be healthier a couple of stone less.

saintmerryweather Sat 27-Apr-13 22:23:05

You dont sound convinced that you are happy with your body. Its not healthy to be obese

Samu2 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:23:24

YANBU but I would worry about the health implications. At 5 foot 2 a size 22 is very big and even if you are healthy now it will catch up with you at some point.

Although your OP doesn't make much sense.. you are happy being a size 22 but would like to go down to an 18 on top? if you were genuinely happy then why would you want to lose weight? I am confused.

I have a very heavy friend and she has no desire to lose any weight, she seems very genuinely happy with her body and I admire that greatly but the health issues are very real and worrying.

seriouscakeeater Sat 27-Apr-13 22:24:35

Its very unhealthy for your height.

likeitorlumpit Sat 27-Apr-13 22:28:39

i dont believe people when they say they are happy being overweight. same as i dont believe a smoker when they say they like smoking, i think they are weak willed and cant be bothered to put in the effort to quit their addictions so its easier to say they like it.

Samu2 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:36

I also don't think someone who is genuinely happy with their body would bother starting a thread about it.

And if I am honest, I find it so very hard to understand how someone can be obese and be happy with their body. I am your height and at my heaviest I weighed 13 stone and in a size 16, it was bloody uncomfortable carrying that around on my small frame.

I lost it all now though and back to a size 8-10.

Samu2 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:53

wouldn't

Samu2 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:32:28

would was right the first time

/ dippy moment

blush

LeaveTheBastid Sat 27-Apr-13 22:33:57

As a former fatty (once near 17 stone, now 10) I absolutely don't believe that you are completely happy being overweight. Forgetting about body image for a second, if you cold cut open your body and see what you're doing to it... I absolutely can not understand how you cold ever be okay with that. I'd rather my tits shrink than my organs be suffocated by fat.

I think all to often "I'm happy as I am" translates to "I can't be arsed doing anything about it so I'll just act like I'm okay as I am".

I you really are happy then there's no need to justify your 'fitness' and healthy diet to us or friends, and try to convince others how happy you are, just get on with it.

LeaveTheBastid Sat 27-Apr-13 22:34:53

*could

Fecking ipad!

dogsandcats Sat 27-Apr-13 22:35:03

I believe that you are happy with your body size. hth

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 22:35:30

I wasnt unhappy when I was heavier (I am 5ft 2" as well), very top heavy, and I was wearing size 18 trousers... I could swim 50 lengths, walk for miles, and was healthy, other than getting panic attacks for no reason quite regularly.

but..

after stepping up the exercise by going to the gym, cutting out beer and cutting down on carbs, I am now a size 12/14, still with big boobs, and much much happier.. as well as a lot fitter too. And the panic attacks rarely happen.

BastardDog Sat 27-Apr-13 22:39:53

No yanbu. I have been battling with my weight for 30 years which is all of my adult life. i have been every size from an 8 to a 22. I have lost 3-4 stone on several occasions, only to put in back on again in the blink of an eye. I have PCOS which is one factor and I believe genetic factors are a large part of it too.

I am currently a size 18 top and a 16 bottom. I have decided enough is enough. I am going to stop beating myself up about my weight, stop making myself miserable over it and accept me as I am.

My husband and my family love me whatever size and shape I am.

The only aspect that concerns me is my health and I am still trying to find a way to accept that with the excess weight comes potential health implications. It's hard for me to rationalise that, but decades of yo yo crash dieting is not a cycle I should be perpetuating either.

Maxium12 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:42:17

'I eat a healthy diet'. Unless you have an underlying medical problem you would not be that size unless you are eating the calories to maintain it.

I speak from experience, I'm a hefty lass and I loose weight when I eat less.

Maxium12 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:44:54

Arse, lose weight.

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 22:48:15

YANBU.

I think it's really important to love yourself, and feel happy with and comfortable with your body, whether you're a size 0 or a size 22.

I'm overweight. I have been thinner, I have been fatter. Personally I prefer being thinner than I am now simply because it is physically more comfortable, BUT I always look in the mirror and like what I see. IMHO life's too short to waste time hating the way you look.

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 27-Apr-13 22:51:36

YANBU. I am happy with my size on the whole. I am a good 16 and am 5.6. I could be thinner, but I like eating and drinking. I entirely understand that you can be happy with who you are even though you don't fit the 'ideal'.

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 27-Apr-13 22:55:09

ah likeit I am a smoker and like it. I smoke 3 a day and any more and I hate it, but I really do enjoy my 3 fags a day! Oh god I am fat and a smoker. Oh and I can also run a 5k in 30 mins confused

Isn't it great that we can't all be put in boxes and that an overweight smoker can still be very fit!

Aint no fat old people about. S'all I'm saying.

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 27-Apr-13 23:01:43

bob there are loads of old fat folk about. Most old folk are fat to a degree.

Nah. The really old ones are the little scrawny ladies with their shopping trolleys.

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:07:44

I am beyond the size that is considered normal. I am a size 16-18. If it has buttons then I am a size 20 up top because I have big tits. I am happy with myself. I look good in tight jeans and fitted shirts. I look good in long skirts and tight tees because I have a slim waist. I look horrific in leggings. I look horrific in pencil skirts or cropped or baggy trousers. I am very confident in my own body. I am attractive, I have lovely long thick red hair, and a pretty face. And a pair of norks that just won't quit wink

However, it isn't healthy for me to be as large as I am. I need to lose about 2 stone to just be healthy. So I am trying to do that in a slow and healthy and sustainable way. That won't affect my self confidence. I am just upping my exercise level and dropping off that extra glass of wine or extra slice of cake. End of the world it is not.

Being above the coveted size 10/12 is not the be all and end all but being healthy IS important.

DinosaursLoveUnderpants Sat 27-Apr-13 23:11:35

I would struggle to believe that you truly are happy with your body whilst being an 18-22. I've been there and I know how much better, healthier and happier I am now that I have lost the weight.

For me it wasn't abut how I looked, it was about how unhealthy I was. I honestly had no idea how unhealthy I was, I think most obese people don't realise either because they get there a few pounds at a time it is easy to forget what it is like to live in a healthy, slim body.

I wouldn't make hmm faces at you though, because I am more polite than that, but if I'm being honest, privately I would be thinking 'yeah, right'.

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 27-Apr-13 23:11:44

bob once you get really old you lose interest in food, and eat like a sparrow.

Green well done for saying you have a pretty face and lovely hair. I have a pretty face and very dark thick hair cut into a bob. It's awful how being a bit bigger can overshadow that. I have never admitted to being attractive before, but I know I am. I have huge boobs too and have never worn a shirt!

DinosaursLoveUnderpants Sat 27-Apr-13 23:13:58

"I am pretty fit, i walk for miles and cycle distances that make the face pullers making faces and declaring that they can't do that. I am extremely flexible and can touch the floor next to my toes wth the flats of my hands without bending my knees"

This is the sort of thing that used to say toconvince myself that I was still pretty fit despite my weight. I used to cycle miles to work and back each day so I must be fit surely? But I really wasn't. I was fit for a fat bird, but I wasn't fit.

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:15:11

I have no issue with being honest about myself. I am too big, far too big. I need to lose some weight and I am doing that. I am not a model and I am not a stunner but I am pretty and I am proud of what I have been given. Why should I not be? I will still be pretty when I am a size 12 and I am still pretty when I am a size 18.

Self confidence is a very attractive attribute.

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 23:15:32

I cant wear anything with buttons on either... not unless its a size 22 or above and hangs on my shoulders like a tent... and also makes me look enormous!

Even when I lost weight and wore size 10 waistbands I had ginormous boobs so looked ridiculous.

Floralnomad Sat 27-Apr-13 23:17:52

bob as a nurse let me assure you there are plenty of very old ,obese people sadly.
I don't believe anybody is happy being overweight ,you are just not unhappy enough about it to do something about it .

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:18:50

grin at squeaky - large norks are not catered for in the buttoned up department! I am a comfortable size 14/16 unless it has buttons and in which case I may as well go into the outdoor shop and buy an attractive tent.

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:20:11

Personally I feel pleased that Floral is here to remind me how shockingly unhappy I am. Now if you will excuse me my prawn balls are ready.

ParmaViolette Sat 27-Apr-13 23:20:57

I'm making the hmm face

Floralnomad Sat 27-Apr-13 23:26:03

I didn't say you were shockingly unhappy actually .

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:27:07

Glad you are happy but what about your health? I'm 5ft2 & look slightly overweight at size 10. size 18 at any height is overweight but at 5ft 2 you must be morbidly obese so yes YABU.

Well I believe you Op. But then I would as I too am a 22.

I realise that this will shake some people's world view but yes it is possible to be fat and NOT miserable.

Can I ask everybody who's wailing ' but think of your health' - what about yours? Do you smoke> Have you ever smoked? How much honestly do you drink?

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:31:23

I am 5 foot 7 not 5 foot 2 but I am still a chunker.

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:32:22

Between the ages of 17-25 I was a size 6-8 because I ate an apple and a cup a soup a day. Boy I was thin but so very unhappy. I'm much happier now.

DinosaursLoveUnderpants Sat 27-Apr-13 23:33:31

Northern I am as fit as I can be I think. I eat a balanced diet, limiting caffeine, sugar and artificial sweetners where I can, I am teetotal, have never smoked, exercise moderately everyday, with higher impact gym sessions 2-3 times a week. So yes, I think my health is pretty good now.

LeaveTheBastid Sat 27-Apr-13 23:33:49

Former fatty who said "think of your health" - Don't smoke, drink every month or so when I break free for a night out.

likeitorlumpit Sat 27-Apr-13 23:35:39

no one is perfect. overweight people get the looks because you can see what its doing to them from the outside.you cant see the lungs or liver.was surprised genetics only got a couple of mentions to be honest.

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:39:35

North I have a bmi of 21, resting heart beat is 59. I exercise, running,spinning & to the gym 3-4 times per week Don't smoke & only drink a small amount.l enjoy my food but eat well ( most of the time)
Awful things can happen to anyone no matter how fit & healthy they are but I'm certainly not going to sit back & wait for it to happen.

plinkyplonks Sat 27-Apr-13 23:43:30

I think I would choose being healthy and alive for my DD rather than being happy but unhealthy.

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:49:24

What plinky said.
I always think this when I see overweight parents sad

GreenPeppercorn Sat 27-Apr-13 23:51:37

Oh well now that you have added a sad face to fully indicate how bad you feel for the children of fat parents I cannot possibly imagine what anyone can say in response.

<<roll eyes>>

BuggedByJake Sat 27-Apr-13 23:56:05

Oh I can, I've heard it all before on here. Carry on as you are if that's how you are truly happy.
Why is it so bad to feel for children whose parents don't care for themselves?

DinosaursLoveUnderpants Sat 27-Apr-13 23:58:16

No need to roll your eyes Northern if that is directed at me . You were hoping to call out some posters about not really being very healthy themselves, but actually some of us try very hard to be as healthy as we can, knowing that you can't take your health and your body for granted.

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 23:59:14

What utter bollocks.

It's possible to be overweight and care about your health and family. The two are not mutually exclusive.

HeySoulSister Sun 28-Apr-13 00:02:04

LEM your kidding yourself.... Question is, why?

HullMum Sun 28-Apr-13 00:04:14

so really you're an 18 but have just got a lot going on in the boob Dept? that's not really that big it at all is it? Yanbu to feel good about your self and give the hmm look right back at the silly fuckers who comment

<<sigh>. Dinosaurs I'm not 'calling anyone out' (Is it High Noon all of a sudden?) I'm rolling my eyes because poor BuggedbyJake feels so sorry for my soon to be orphaned offspring. I was pointing out to the wailing multitudes that there is more to health than weight and whilst you (and I) are teetotal, far too many posters are blind to the amount they are drinking.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 00:11:17

VelvetSpoon - I can't see anyone suggesting its a matter of caring or uncaring?!

Both my parents are overweight as are my partners parents. My DH parents have both had heart scares, his father is type 2 diabetic. Both children are obese and struggled with food issues as a result of their parents attitude to food. My mother has type 2 diabetes and my father had a quadruple bypass and had a heart attack. Now there may people who are very fortunate who are overweight or obese and live a long and happy life. Equally there may be people who are healthy and get seriously ill. But the evidence suggests being overweight and obese makes you much more likely to get diabetes and other health conditions.

If you have children, I think parents should consider the impact of their actions (both directly and indirectly) on their children - not just now but in the long term. I have been overweight and fought hard to get my weight under control and eat healthily. I consider it a responsibility not just for myself but for the burden it could put on my family should I get ill. Of course having bigger x or y was a nice benefit of being overweight, and eating what I like was fantastic. But when you see people you love hooked up to a life support machine, given 5% chance of surival - putting themselves and their children through that pain= I just don't understand why people would be happy taking the risk. Everyone's different, and the OP seems happy with being obese and that's fine. But let's not pretend here that there could be consequences that she or her family may have deal with as a result of her decision.

Rockinhippy Sun 28-Apr-13 00:19:20

YANBU, you sound very healthy & happy in your own skin to me & those disbelieving are doing so because they are projecting their own body image/health worries onto you, so ignore it.

I've worked with plus size models over the years, they where healthy firm, confident bigger woman, that's all, not fat, wobbly & unhealthy as we have pushed down our throat all the time, for some people its just the way they are built, yes they could eat less & ex resize more & probably lose a bit if they chose to, but if they are already healthier than many skinnies & happy in there own skin, why the hell should they have to just to please others

Enjoy your curves & healthy live style & ignore them wink

Callofthefishwife Sun 28-Apr-13 00:23:38

I have been a size 24. Now a 16 battling to get back down to the size 10 i was 2 years ago and I would say that I can actually see where you are coming from.

I hate dieting. My whole life is a battle of guilt and constant planning the next meal, thinking of what will I be able to eat if we go to X for the day etc etc. There was something so simple about my life when I was a size 24 (and oblivious to some extent to my actual size). I was happy and content. Life was so straightforward then.

However, I did reach a point when being that size was not for me, hence my constant battle with my weight now. When I lost my weight (the bulk in a 13 month period) I was initially disgusted and shocked at my new body. Slim and sleek it was not. Saggy aand empty is how I would describe it. Still to this day 4 years on I reckon my skin aged instantly upon the weightloss. I know exactly what you mean. For a long while I hated my new slim body and preferred my curves and pertness I had before. I have now grown to accept that if I am slimmer I will look a saggy mess in the nude but its taken a while.

Sod what anyone else thinks. Be what you want to be for you. You know genuinely deep inside how you feel so stick with that.

People will always judge. Some people cant help but sneer and comment. I have had it when I was bigger and when I have been at my slimmest. It can hurt and annoy but life is too short to worry what others think.

If you are happy with yourself then you have something that loads and loads of people dont. You are a lucky woman - so sod the rude gits that see fit to judge you and doubt you.

wtf1981 Sun 28-Apr-13 00:28:17

How did you do it, callthefishwife? Impressive amount lost, wow!

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 00:33:02

Plinky your experience is obviously coloured by having overweight parents/inlaws, who have also suffered health problems - which health problems of course they might have suffered even if they were thinner.

Having lost 2 non-overweight parents in my early 20s, I honestly don't live my life thinking what might happen. If I did, I wouldn't get up in the morning. Not everyone is able to get to a low weight (I could be a size 12 and my BMI will still be outside the 'normal' range), or to maintain it. I'm not as healthy as some people, but probably more healthy than others. But I am happy with how I look, I don't look in the mirror and hate myself and I never will, whatever size I am. What makes me sad is that people do waste time and energy feeling unhappy about their size, or being made to feel unhappy about it by others.

GreenPeppercorn Sun 28-Apr-13 00:40:37

I don't think I have ever heard such utter bullshit on here in the entire time I have been a member.

It is possible to post here and speak of how you smoke 1400 a day, or how you are unable to stop drinking gin, or how you are incapable of standing up and preventing your partner from abusing your children and the support can be heart breakingly immense; yet, be fat, and from out of the woodwork crawl those who sit and say that all us fat bitches are condemning our children to lives as orphans or lives as children who will be forced to wash themselves with rags on a stick. I haven't actually got the words.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 00:46:43

YANBU

likeit, I think that is a very narrow minded attitude. As an ex-smoker I can wholeheartedly say that I loved smoking. It was probably my only 'bad' habit, and I enjoyed every single cigarette I had every day. I looked forward to the cigarette I'd have with my coffee in the morning, I looked forward to the cigarette I'd have with a glass of wine on Friday night. But, like everyone else, I knew and understood the health risks of smoking, and knew that I should give up for the sake of my longterm health. So I did give up. But that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it. Just that my cost/benefit analysis indicated that I didn't love it enough to outweigh the long term benefits of giving up

I think that what we tend to forget is that our attitudes towards our bodies, our habits and our health aren't simple I love myself/I hate myself binaries. It's not the case that smokers or overweight people all go around secretly hating themselves every minute of every day and denying it because they "can't be arsed" doing something about it. It's just the implications of being arsed are part of the cost benefit analysis we all do from time to time, and some people find that they would prefer to stay just as they are. Some people decide to change. One course of action might (and it obviously depends on the individual) be healthier in the long term than the other, but the decision really doesn't have to be propelled by self-hatred.

Fat people are not all the same! Some do hate their bodies, and have a difficult relationship with food and would love to be a different size. Some are perfectly happy and don't give a toss. Others are somewhere in between. Just because people share a dress-size doesn't mean they share the same attitude.

Jan49 Sun 28-Apr-13 00:48:56

I can believe that you are happy with yourself the way you are, or at least reasonably happy, given that you've actually contradicted yourself by saying you'd prefer to be slimmer for health reasons. You're happy with yourself the way you are but you're also accepting a health risk, just like someone who is happy with themselves but also has an existing risky medical condition. It also sounds like you're trying to blame your bust size for your overall size. I'm not sure how you can walk or cycle for miles, eat a healthy diet and still be that size. I think you must be kidding yourself a bit about your eating habits and possibly also the exercise.

I'm very tall and used to be a size 10 but am a lot bigger now. I felt skinny and uncomfortable at size 10 and although people often complimented me on being slim, I think I heard "Aren't you slim?" as "Yuck!" and it was only years later I realised it was a compliment. So I actually feel more comfortable with not being at my slimmest.

GreenPeppercorn Sun 28-Apr-13 00:49:23

I think Unami has perhaps just said everything I wanted to say but didn't have the smarts to articulate.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 00:54:14

GreenPeppercorn - no-one's condemning anyone to anything. Actions do however have consequences and we shouldn't pretend that those potential consequences don't exist. Obviously there are people who are posting here that are overweight and happy and there is nothing wrong with that. They have taken the adult decision to be the weight they are and that's fine. The OP has posted on here asking people for their opinion (otherwise, why post?) and some you are going to agree with and some you are not. Calling other people's opinions "bullshit" however, is not respectful or necessary - people aren't "crawling out of the woodwork" they are providing their opinions! I don't see anyone here saying the OP is a horrible, nasty person who is going to orphan her children. But I am not going to argue that there aren't health risks (backed up by medical professionals) to being overweight.

When I have had to visit my family in hospital - the vast majority of people in for heart bypasses and diabeties related illnesses were overweight. My family have been told their conditions were caused as a result of being overweight and their diet. They did not have a family genetic / or other history that can explain the illnesses they have. It's something I feel very passionate about because I have seen one of my family members hooked up to a life support machine as a direct result of their poor choices. I have seen my family members struggling with their weight due to their parents poor attitude towards food. I'm sorry if this offends people who genuinely struggle with their weight and would do anything to change their position in life.

Some people are happy in life being overweight and obese and there is nothing wrong with that. I respect the OP and those who have a different opinion to me despite me disagreeing with their opinions and actions in the strongest terms. But coming on here calling over people's opinions bullshit is deeply offensive and unnecessary.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 01:04:33

unamias i said its what i think.its my opinion. you dont have to say its narrow minded just because it doesnt match yours. that is being narrow minded. so you really enjoyed them even though like everyone else you knew the health risks every time you had one. really okay good for you i believe you smile

hopkinette Sun 28-Apr-13 01:09:24

I think it's interesting how people are posting about overweight people as if it would be physically impossible for them ever to be overweight themselves. I'm not overweight but I can easily imagine it happening. Just because I'm thin now doesn't necessarily mean I'll be thin forever.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 01:16:24

I'm sorry if I offended you likeit. Perhaps narrow minded is too loaded a term. If you find it difficult to imagine that other people might genuinely enjoy doing things you wouldn't enjoy or being a way you wouldn't like to be, then shall we say - unimaginative?

I think that I explained my attitude to smoking, including my enjoyment of it and my decision to quit pretty clearly. If your only response is to be supercilious then I guess there was no point.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 01:26:11

unami i apologise if you think im being supercilious .i had to look that word up blush im really not trying to be. im an ex smoker i told everyone i loved it .defended it . but underneath i hated myself for doing it . my oh smokes he hates it but cant stop .tells people he likes it .tells me he hates it really and wishes he could quit.i was just saying what i thought from our experience.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 01:42:31

Oh, now it's my turn to be sorry again, likeit

I am sure that you are speaking truthfully from your own experience. And I do appreciate that lots of smokers, or overweight people, genuinely dislike their habits and bodies. It's just that some others don't.

DinosaursLoveUnderpants Sun 28-Apr-13 07:04:33

Actually I think it is interesting how many people have posted that have said they used to be overweight.

Like quite a few others, I don't honestly believe an overweight person when they say they are totally happy and healthy because I have been there myself and I work hard to no longer be.

dogsandcats Sun 28-Apr-13 07:14:47

The op has not come back to this thread.
op, if you are finding this thread hard to take, it may be best to hide it [which you may already be doing].

dollywashers Sun 28-Apr-13 07:23:27

I'm a bit jealous really. Whatever I eat I still seem to struggle with my weight/the way I look. I think accepting yourself as you are in the way to happiness. Well done you.

givemeaclue Sun 28-Apr-13 07:26:51

He you eat a healthy diet and take lots of exercise something is wrong that you are so big, I would see gp may be underlying medical issue

LtEveDallas Sun 28-Apr-13 07:34:26

What about "I am overweight but just DON'T CARE"?

After my accident it got harder and harder for me to retain my healthy weight. I'd gone from training (running and gym) at least 2 hours a day, every day, to nothing. My appetite remained the same, I eat generally healthy foods (not all the time, no) but a lot of them . I think I fucked up my metabolism in my teens, but that is probably an excuse.

The first few years following my accident were depressing. I steadily put on weight, so I ate less and less to try and maintain. I was miserable. I'd watch my friends eat and drink what they wanted because they could exercise it off but I was stuck saying "oh no, I'm happy not drinking" or "no more thankyou I'm full" and "Oh no, I couldn't possible fit a desert in". We'd go out and instead of the lovely steak and chips or creamy chicken tikka massala I'd have the steamed fish or dry as a bone tandoori chicken. Bleaugh.

Fuck I was sad. It didn't help that DH would only eat one (large) meal a day because he didn't have time to fit in 3 (and had a six pack to die for)

Anyway. Eventually I had an epiphany. Eating made me happy, not eating made me miserable. I still don't eat as much as I want, but more than I did, and I just DON'T CARE what size I am. In fact I have no idea how much I weigh, or what my BMI is. I'm a size 14/16 but I know that in some shops I need a size 18 as I have large boobs and arms. So yes, I'm a porker.

I don't care any more. Looking good doesn't bother me, I don't care what people think about me. I dress smartly when I need to and think I look OK, but I'm probably a right minger in my uniform or my scruffs.

But honestly. I don't care. So I can be happy. I am surrounded by women who are constantly on diets. All the "oh no I mustn't" if someone (me) brings a cake in, "Go on then, just a small slice...no, smaller". You know what I do? I cut myself a HUGE slice and savour every bite grin

We've just had a new girl join our team. She is probably a size 6, she's tiny. She's a fitness instructor part time. I see her eat a bowl of porridge in the morning and a slim a soup for lunch. She often talks about being 'too tired' or 'too busy' to eat in the evening (she runs a class every night) and exclaims her horror at my lunch of Chinese takeaway leftovers and I all I think is "fuck me you're boring" whilst I enjoy my sweet and sour grin

I'm fat and I'm happy, so sue me grin

pippitysqueakity Sun 28-Apr-13 07:39:40

Nothing to say on overweight issue but I do find it odd that people feel it is ok to deny others to the right to their own feelings.
Just because you cannot contemplate ever feeling the way someone else states they feel, does not make it untrue, and to say you do not believe their feelings is demeaning. (and it has a certain arrogance about it.)

Sh1ney Sun 28-Apr-13 07:41:53

I couldn't care less what size or weight other women choose to be- or are indeed happy with. I'm 9 stone 5 and size 8/10. This is the weight that suits me. I do all I can to maintain a healthy weight because I want to improve my chances of living a long life. I'm aware that this gives no guarantees but it certainly helps! Oh and I love clothes to the point of addiction and feel better wearing a smaller size.

Do I think you can be happy in general and size 22? Of course. Do I think you can feel happy with your body at size 22? No, I don't believe that I'm afraid. Size 22 at 5 ft 2 is very overweight and asking for problems, health wise. You'd be better off pouring some energy into a weight loss plan - there's loads of support on here in the weight loss topic and loads of threads you could join.

aurynne Sun 28-Apr-13 07:55:23

Lucyellensmum95, many people, especially women for some reason, have huge problems in accepting that others may not feel the same way they feel. I have lost count on the number of times I have told someone I don't have children, never wanted them and I am really happy and these people (mostly women) have given me "the face", or even worse, told me openly that I would change my mind and life without kids was not worth living. Some people get a rush telling others that they are not really as happy as they say they are, and usually it's people who have no idea at all about who you are or about your lifestyle. And in my personal experience, it's people who are not very happy themselves the ones who go out of their way to "prove" to yourself that you must not be very happy either.

So I definitely believe you when you say you're happy with your weight and the way you look. I am a size 8-10 and I am happy with my weight and the way I look... and know what? I NEVER exercise and eat heaps of chocolate. And don't have children. And I don't give a flying fuck whether or not I get to be very old, because I'd much rather enjoy these years when I am still young(ish) and able to enjoy life and do all things I like doing. You may not get to 95 if you're overweight... well, big deal, who wants to be 95, frail and living in a lonely home for old people after a long, healthy and boring life?

Now, of course people like you and I do not expect everyone to believe us, because you know, for some people believing people can be happy with such different lifestyles will feel like an attack on their own lifestyles. Let them give you "the stare" and tut-tut to themselves. And then go home and be happy!

Branleuse Sun 28-Apr-13 08:00:54

you're not overweight. you're a heart attack waiting to happen, whether you're happy with the way you look or not. I think you owe it to your family to try and slim down a bit and take some of the strain off your heart.

I think fat women can look bloody gorgeous but healthy it ain't.

YoniRanger Sun 28-Apr-13 08:04:12

Just so we are all clear there is absolutely not a shred of genuine scientific evidence that size is an indicator of health.

Healthy lifestyles are an indicator of health.

Follow all the 'scientific' references to weight and health conditions and you will find they are unscientific ally small studies with monster variables.

Eating shit and doing no exercise will kill you, some people that behave like this will be fat but many will be thin and resting on their genetics.

DinoSnores Sun 28-Apr-13 08:19:28

That's nonsense, Yoni. There is lots of evidence based on lots of people.

First one I could think of off the top of my head this morning:

jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=200731

36000 people in 3 cohort studies
Increased death rates for those groups with BMI<18.5 and BMI>35.

Yes, 'obese' (as defined by BMI) people can be healthy, but as a group, death rates are higher at a younger age. (By the time you are over 70, being underweight is more dangerous than being normal or overweight interestingly.)

DontmindifIdo Sun 28-Apr-13 08:22:22

well, I believe that some woman genuinely like their bodies a little bigger.

However, at 5'2", you aren't much taller than me, and a size 22 is very big for someone that short, it can't be healthy weight - are you sure you are eating a healthy diet? Because that must be like someone like me walking around carrying a lot of weights every day, you must be burning more calories than a thin person everytime you walk up stairs etc, so in order to maintain a size 22 you must be eating a lot or not doing anywhere as much exercise as you think...

I think you can both like your appearance and be aware it's not healthy - it works both ways too, I have been very underweight in the past when I was ill (I was a size 00 at one point) - looking back at those photos of myself, I look fabulous - but I was ill, as I got healthier, I gained weight and got back to a size 6 (then crept up as I got older so now normally a size 8-10 when not pregnant) - I know how I look at a size 8-10 is not as nice looking to me, but it is much healthier.

Could you look at your overall health, and see if you could be healthier, that might be thinner, but it does'nt mean you have to change your body for a clothes number, however a clothes number is a good indication of you not being a healthy size.

I believe you when you say you're happy with the way you look. I'm 5'4" and a size 16, and I look good in clothes. Clothes fit me well. I'm blessed with 'good' proportions.

However, I am trying to lose weight (or I was until I got pregnant! just trying to keep the weight from creeping up really), because even though I like how I look, I know it isn't healthy. I'm on the borderline for obesity.

I think it's worth losing any confidence you might have about being large to gain your health back. You'll still be confident when you're at a healthier weight.

YoniRanger Sun 28-Apr-13 08:33:53

Sorry should have been clearer, until you get into the morbidly obese category.

I would be very surprised if the OP's BMI was anywhere near 35.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 28-Apr-13 08:40:30

I hope the OP's great self esteem is not affected by those queuing up to bring her down.

chrome100 Sun 28-Apr-13 08:40:46

I think it's great if you (genuinely) like how you look. I am slim but have body image issues, funding fault everywhere and not at all happy with how I look. Whilst suze 22 might not be the healthiest, it's not the end of the world and a happy life is better than anything.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 08:48:44

YoniRanger BMI chart here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5297790.stm

Sh1ney Sun 28-Apr-13 09:17:39

I don't think anyone is bringing her down?

Shes posted in AIBU and as a long standing poster she knows full well that the responses to her will be robust.

She put it out there for opinions . People have given them

StuffezLaYoni Sun 28-Apr-13 09:31:34

I am a size 22 and have been for five years or so.
I'm currently changing this because I want my old body back. In the time I've been big I've never had trouble finding sexual partners and that kind of thing, but I don't feel I can show off my body and be 100% comfortable with anyone.

What I can't cope with is well-meaning but hurtful relatives making comments (or in my grandmas case posting me weightwatchers articles and pictures of actresses who looked like me with an annotation about how I could look like her if I werent fat.)

I do believe that you're happy with how you are, and it's crashingly rude of people to say "yeah but you're not REALLY". As an intelligent adult you know the impact of your weight on your health, as do I. But it's nobody's business but yours.

amessagetoyouYoni Sun 28-Apr-13 09:35:37

I applaud you, OP.

Life is tough. I think its somethng to be celebrated when a woman is happy and comfortable in her own skin and feels sexual and desirable. Bloody hell, people can be miserable sometimes!

Ashoething Sun 28-Apr-13 09:45:27

I am 5'6 wear size 16 clothes and although I never weigh myself I think I must be about 13 stone-ish. I don't give a flying fuck! I love clothes-particularly 50's style and I dress very well. Yes I probably eat too much-portion sizes are an issue to me-but I exercise a couple of times a week and I walk a lot.

I am trying to cut down on the amount of vino I drink as I believe too much alcohol is aging but seriously I really do like the way I look!

MrsMelons Sun 28-Apr-13 09:52:43

I don't really think anyone who is happy with their weight would start a thread about it or mention they are in fact unhappy with certain parts of themselves.

As someone who is bulimic I of course find it hard to believe you are happy at that size but I also envy anyone who is happy with how they look.

It is not healthy at all to be that size and they are many health problems that are linked to obesity (as well as people who are too underweight of course).

To the poster who mentioned smoking and being overweight - it is silly to try and justify being overweight and smoking by saying you can run 5k in 30 minutes, thats not actually being THAT fit, its not very far and most people could do that with a small amount of training, lots of overweight people are good runners but it doesn't eliminate the risks (although obviously its good you exercise etc and I am not belittling that) but you can't deny the health problems that are potentially caused by smoking and obesity.

Mamafratelli Sun 28-Apr-13 09:57:55

Size 22 and 5ft2 is very big. I'm 5ft1 and the biggest I have ever been is a large 14 after dd. I looked horrendous. More importantly I felt unhealthy. I couldn't run, struggled with high impact exercise and was tired.

I believe you are happy with how you look but all of your organs will be surrounded by fat and your heart will be working overtime to carry the extra weight. If you are happy with that keep going. If not try slimming world or weight watchers. The weight will fall off you.

Ashoething Sun 28-Apr-13 10:11:22

Yep the weight will fall off-then you will pile it all back on again and will be a diet bore to everyone around you. If weight watchers or any of these other things worked then women wouldn't constantly have to go back to them! Its all a huge con designed to get your money!

YoniRanger Sun 28-Apr-13 10:12:29

Did OP state her weight? Because size/ weight ratios can be misleading.

I am a size 12-14,5'5 and 12st6.

I don't look obese but I am, apparently.

I would like to be a size 10-12 but I would still be over 11st.

BMI charts are funny things.

Ashoething Sun 28-Apr-13 10:13:17

I also love the assumption on here that thin equals healthyhmm My sister is a size 8 and favours the light up another fag if you are hungry diet. She smokes 30 a day,drinks even more than me and doesn't exercise a jot! Yet because she is a size 8 you would all assume she is healthier than me at a size 16. My arse she is!

Ashoething Sun 28-Apr-13 10:14:39

Bmi charts are a load of bollocks and don't take build or genetics into account. They are not the gospel despite what many posters on here would have you believe.

WinterWinds Sun 28-Apr-13 10:19:07

I do believe that larger people can be happy with their body/size/weight but have found that people trying to justify it usually aren't 100% happy.

As LtEveDallas stated in her post, she doesn't know what she weighs or what her BMI is and I do believe she is genuinely happy as she is not getting hung up on what other people think and she isn't trying to justify what she does or doesn't eat (Good on you LED!!)

"In fact I don't eat that much at all"

This is the statement that stands out for me. Quite often you will hear this from an overweight person. So it is hard for someone else looking in to comprehend. If you don't really eat that much, then how are you the size you are and maintaining that weight with very little to eat?
You cant blame people for questioning it

In fact my DH (who is trying to lose some weight) is like this. The amount of times he has said I haven't eaten anything since breakfast or I have hardly eaten anything at all today, then he will reel off a list of what he has actually eaten, is far more than what registers in his head. Then he wonders why the weight isn't coming off.

If you are genuinely happy OP, then good for you. But why are you trying to justify it?

kjrv81 Sun 28-Apr-13 10:25:38

If you are happy then that is all that counts.

I am a size 22 well sort of in between sizes as I have just lost a stone and absolutely hate my body. I feel so much fitter when I'm thinner, have more confidence sitting round a pool. I hate chaffing legs in the summer, there are no advantages to being big for me what so ever.

Ideally I would love to be a size 14, but I have always been on the larger size so would be happy to settle for a 16.

ExcuseTypos Sun 28-Apr-13 10:37:40

I can believe that someone can be happy as a size 22.

However everyone I've every known who was on the large side (including my DH) and have lost weight, then say they are happier with their new weight.

hackmum Sun 28-Apr-13 10:59:49

Wondering why you told us your size rather than your weight, OP?

Mumsyblouse Sun 28-Apr-13 11:19:18

*That's nonsense, Yoni. There is lots of evidence based on lots of people.

First one I could think of off the top of my head this morning:

jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=200731

36000 people in 3 cohort studies
Increased death rates for those groups with BMI<18.5 and BMI>35*

It is far from clear that being slightly overweight (e.g.a stone or so ) is harmful for your health. This evidence shows that people who are very thin or very obese are at the most risk.

In the case of breast cancer and other female cancers, being slightly overweight seems to be somewhat protective, although eating a poor diet is a bad thing in general in relation to cancer, so if you don't eat fibre/roughage.

It's much more complex than: a bit overweigh= destined for early death.

Being extremely obese for sure increases your risk of death.

Most old ladies, the long-livers, are slightly overweight, even my gran who is 90, is a tiny bit podgy round the middle although extremely normal looking by most people's standards. The nurse she went to see for her BP measure suggested she try to lose half a kilo. I laughed at this ridiculousness, a lot of health professionals have a very poor understanding of how healthy lifestyles contribute to longevity and telling a 90 year old not to have a biscuit with their coffee just exemplifies it.

I am not saying this to make myself feel better, I am overweight in a not worrying from a health perspective way, but I would still love to be thinner from a looks point of view and to fit in all my old clothes.

But some of the judgement of overweight people on here is misguided, most people who have a bit of a tummy won't be dropping dead in their 50's from a heart attack, and plenty of thinner people also have heart attacks, you are by no means immune if your BMI is in the normal range whatsoever.

specialsubject Sun 28-Apr-13 11:26:36

you don't give your weight and dress sizes aren't exact, but you do sound almost wider than you are tall.

there's a difference between a bit flabby in places and extremely obese.

happy is good. Risking health is not. It would be wiser to drink less booze and look at what you are eating.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sun 28-Apr-13 11:42:59

I'm 5'4 and a size 16 - and I know I look a lot bigger than taller people who are the same dress size. Unfortunately the shorter you are the more every single extra lb shows up. It's very rude of people to pull faces when you say you're happy, but I suspect that you do look very big thanks to your height and not everyone will understand that you are OK with that.

tazzle Sun 28-Apr-13 11:47:18

I think that if you say there are still aspects of your body you would like to change... that are within your control to do so... then you are still not yet truly happy. Maybe you will be happy when you get to a weight or dress that society / medicine decrees is still fat or health threatening but that to you looks and feels good. If you then don't weigh yourself or look at the size of the clothes but just find what fits.... then you will probably be truly happy with your body.

What I find frustrating about " facts " about eating /diets/health risks is that much of it is opinion (not individuals necessarily but medical often ) and is changeable and can often be disputed scientifically or be not suited for some people.

The official nhs dietary advice for example. It is now disputed that a low fat diet is necessarily the "healthiest " as many low fat products are high in sugars and carbs. I followed a low fat diet when trying to lose weight and found it incredibly difficult to do so. I rarely ate anything fried, ate wholemeal cereals/ bread/pasta, ate my five a day of fruit and veg and things like crisps, cake and chocolate were indeed treats not part of my everyday diet

After finding out some family medical history I tested my blood sugar levels and found they were high !!! Since then altered diet by looking far more at carb levels and although calorific level stayed much the same I have lost over 2.5 stone. Testing my bg told me that the "healthy" recommended level of carbohydrates would actually push me to be properly diabetic and be even more obese. There are loads of scientific studies now to dispute/ redefine what us healthy.

It may not be quite as simple either that overweight people as so because they "eat unhealthily" (no dispute that we eat too many calories on an individual basis or that some very overweight peple...like some thinner people. ..eat way too much junk) but to generalise that its a simple and generally accepted fact that one will lose weight on an undefined healthy diet might be simplistic.

As has been pointed out disease is nkt just caused by being overweight. .. my dm was obsessed by weight through supposed fear of heart disease so was slim all her life...yet smoked even when diagnosed with it !!!! She just died of it. I am older than she was when diagnosed and have perfect blood pressure and heart...maybe because I have exercised more and not ever smoked...dunno, go figure.lol

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 11:53:59

I will still be pretty when I am a size 12 and I am still pretty when I am a size 18.

Peppercorn, at what size would you suggest that fat becomes decidedly un-pretty?

awkwardsis Sun 28-Apr-13 11:58:54

There are some people who are genuinely pretty being fat though, dawn French is always the name that gets bandied about. Very pretty. But when I was a size 20 I looked like a very grey potato. Very few lucky people will be pretty whatever their size I think. I personally now know that when I lose sight of my collarbone and jawline it's time to lose a few pounds. Literally for me now 2 or 3 pounds makes a difference to how I look.

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 11:59:17

...see, I am not going to be the one to tell you, OP, that you don't have an admirable rack or that your husband does not love your body, but can I ask you whether you dread hot summers? How do you look on a beach? Do your thighs chaff painfully when you walk distances? Are you comfortable taking up all that room on an aeroplane/bus/train?

I'm not trying to be mean; I really would like to know how you view the downsides to being so fat.

squeakytoy Sun 28-Apr-13 12:16:06

"I would be very surprised if the OP's BMI was anywhere near 35"

I would be amazed if it was under 35.

Mine was around 35 when I was at my largest which was 13 stone and the same height as the OP but wearing 16/18 clothes.

My bmi is still probably much higher than it should be, but my blood pressure is perfect and I am healthy, so I am not going to worry about being a bit overweight.

For anyone who says that there are no health problems caused by being overweight, that is such nonsense. Carrying too much weight affects your joints, puts strain on your heart, and increases the risk of many other illnesses too. Maybe not when you are under 40, but certainly as you get older.

DinoSnores Sun 28-Apr-13 12:36:25

mumsyblouse, you have (deliberately?) not quoted my whole post. Indeed you seem to be arguing with me about things we agree on, so I can only guess that you didn't quite understand it.

I said:

"Increased death rates for those groups with BMI<18.5 and BMI>35 [i.e the very thin and the very overweight]

Yes, 'obese' (as defined by BMI) people can be healthy, but as a group, death rates are higher at a younger age. (By the time you are over 70, being underweight is more dangerous than being normal or overweight interestingly.)"

You have gone for the classic MN understanding of statistics though. "Oh, but young thin people can have heart attacks, so that's all nonsense."

Everyone has a risk of a heart attack, but being male, overweight, older, having high cholesterol etc all puts that risk up.

Being obese DOES increase the risk. It doesn't guarantee an early death, just as being a young slim female doesn't guarantee not having a heart attack.

Statistics speak to populations, not to individuals, but as we can't predict the future very reliably, we've got to base risk on those known to increase risk in similar populations.

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 12:39:09

BMI isn't a good indicator though. When I lost weight and was a size 12-14 I was still within the obese range on BMI. Despite people saying I looked fab and not to lose any more weight.

I honestly do think that being happy with yourself, whatever your size is the most important thing. And it sounds as though the OP is. I have lost count of the number of friends I have who are not particularly overweight yet won't wear a short skirt, or a sleeveless top or whatever, because they are convinced they look disgusting, or that they are 'too fat' for certain clothes, or whatever. I wish they felt better about themselves.

DinoSnores Sun 28-Apr-13 12:46:14

As for ashoething saying, "Bmi charts are a load of bollocks and don't take build or genetics into account. They are not the gospel despite what many posters on here would have you believe."

Again, there is a misunderstanding of statistics here.

No one suggests they are gospel, but they are descriptions of POPULATIONS. You are just throwing the baby out with the bathwater because of a very few exceptions.

We all know the tale of the rugby player who is obese by BMI calculation, but that doesn't mean that BMI charts "are a load of bollocks". They also don't account for different genetic populations, so people of SE Asian descent have a lower target BMI range.

It is useful though for making POPULATION based guidelines about what appears to be a healthy weight in populations. (Part of the problem is that we as a society now have a skewed view of what is a normal weight and size, both at the very thin range as we can see in the media but also at the overweight end, when people can't accurately assess their own or their children's weight.)

Take measuring the height of children as they grow. Some people are just genetically very short, there's nothing wrong with them. Some people, however, are very short because of medical problems that might require medical intervention.

Just because some people are naturally very short, it doesn't mean that measuring height is entirely useless. It is one measurement, one part of the puzzle, based on POPULATION data that allows assessment of an INDIVIDUAL.

The OP asked 'AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body' and the answer is absolutely yanbu because people don't believe this. This thread is full of disbelieving people and every single one of them is invested in the myth which dominates our society, that thin is good and fat is bad.

DontmindifIdo Sun 28-Apr-13 13:50:32

As i said earlier, you can be happy with your body but it not be a healthy size - I wasn't healthy at 5'0" and a size 00 even though I looked great, I'm healthy at size 6-8, although pre-pregnancy I was borderline 8-10 and looked like I was carrying excess weight - the OP is only 2" taller, but a lot larger.

Extreames of thin and fat both might be found attractive by the person who's body it is and by their DPs, but that doesn't make them healthy. At size 22 and short, the OP isn't just a couple of kgs overweight, but must be very large for her frame. That doesn't mean she doesn't look good, ooze confidence and be very sexy (sexiness doesn't have anything to do with body shape IMO anyway), but that doesn't change the fact it's unlikely she's healthy.

Branleuse Sun 28-Apr-13 13:53:44

its not about being good or bad.

If someone came on here and said how happy they are with their BMI of 15 and how theyre really happy like that, then people wouldnt be "YOU GO GIRL" either

Its one thing being quite sure theyre happy with their aesthetics. Its another thing to assume that just because someone is happy being morbidly obese, that its actually safe or healthy.

DontmindifIdo Sun 28-Apr-13 13:57:25

BTW - you will find that if you are at either end of thin or fat, people notice more what you eat and how much of it, if you walk or drive places, thin people also feel the judgement. I certainly had what i ate or left scrutinised when I was very thin, I found it harder to turn down a slice of cake or some biscuits without people giving me a look like "aha, you're starving yourself" irrispective if I'd just eaten a full roast dinner - I find myself doing it with thin friends now, I notice more when they say "no thanks" to a biscuit than average sized friends.

Similarly, when a thin person does have a second helping of cake, they get comments about where do they put it, others will speculate that they are about to go off and throw it up.

It you are outside of the norm, people will judge and make assumptions about your mental health.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 16:38:36

NorthernLurker - The OP's expressed doubt themselves... and if they were truly happy, why post on AIBU? Best of luck to OP whatever they decide.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 16:51:28

I don't think the OP was looking for advice on whether or not to lose weight, or expressing doubt about her own attitude to her body.

I think she wanted to know exactly what she asked - if she was being unreasonable to be irritated by the fact that people don't believe that she is happy with her body.

And I think it is irritating when people don't believe you! Especially if their judgement on whether or not what you are saying is true is based on how they would feel if you were in your shoes.

People are all different, and we all feel differently about our bodies and our health. Mind you, if people can't genuinely imagine that you might have different opinions and feelings to them, then I guess there's no point in getting irritated by that. I guess you just have to accept that some people won't believe you, OP. Kind of annoying though.

ItsYonliMe Sun 28-Apr-13 16:59:49

You sound like you are trying too hard to convince us (and you) that you are happy being fat. Don't know what being able to touch the ground with your flats of your hands proves apart from that you have long arms confused.

Why do you think size 22 is being "blessed in the nork dept"?

StuffezLaYoni Sun 28-Apr-13 17:16:44

I am a 22 on top and have G cup breasts. I struggle to find decent tops as size 22 accommodates my boobs but bags around my tummy. A smaller size might fit comfortably on my tummy but stretch over my boobs, or just look obscene.
I think that's what she meant by being blessed in the nork department.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 17:22:07

when you lose weight the boobs are the first to go .

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 17:29:15

That's not always true re boobs/weight loss. It depends where you store most fat I think, mine is mainly around stomach/hips/top of legs. When I lost 4.5 stone my bra size went from a 38 to a 36, but cup size (F) didn't change at all.

Yanbu if that is truly how you feel, infact I'm envy as I'm a size 18 and quite recently realised how huge i am and i feel really crap about it sad
My 7yo has even called me a fat cow when having a tantrum and that to me is a wake up call.

I can see why you would love being a size 22 if everything is in its right place and you are a nice shape overall whereas i am not. My legs are like trunks, my breasts are tiny for my size (C cup), my bum is big, my tummy overhangs and basically i don't feel i look good in anything.
Just recently found out im pregnant, so im going to research what diets i can go on that wont harm baby but will keep me the size i am. Thinking of trying slimming world as i managed to lose a good couple of stone on it many years ago.

Trying to focus on my little bean for now, as i had a miscarriage in feb and nothing is more important than my baby but at the same time i want to be healthy.

I can believe that someone can be happy as a size 22

I can too, particularly someone who has dieted down from a size 40.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 28-Apr-13 17:46:02

Wow - the responses go from head tilty to nasty - i think it makes my point quite nicely then!

Firstly - I said i was happy with my body shape - I made no indication that i think I am a healthy weight. For that reason and that reason ALONE I would consider losing weight. It has nothing to do with my OP whatsoever - so no, i don't need reminding that I am obese.

Whoever said, "aren't you bothered about taking up all that extra room on the bus???" REALLY???? As i explained, most of my size up top is due to my boobs - 38FF. My clothes size ranges from 18 for trousers, some jeans 16 and 16 for skirts. So no, thankyou very much i don't need extra room on the bus!! hmm StuffezlaYoni thankyou - that is exactly what i mean - i tend to wear quite tight fitting tops because they show off my cleavage and don't flap around like a tent around my tummy.

As for what i weigh - i really wouldn't know

I don't like my thighs - they are flabby - urrgghhh, but i think they would be flabby if i were a size 12, a few weeks cycling will sort that out. So the people who talked about incendary thighs, yeah, you have a point. I don't wear skirts though because I am top heavy and i have never looked good in a skirt because of this, even at size ten.

Do i dread hot summers??? Errr, no, why would i? i go swimming in the sea in my cossie just like "normal" people - i hope it doesn't offend you

Interestingly, people, in the past have often made me feel shit about my weight - always women.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sun 28-Apr-13 18:15:34

OP, I have to ask, what were you hoping to get out of this thread? You're a seasoned poster, you know what AIBU is all about. You must surely know that you were going to get quite a mixed response to your post?

WileyRoadRunner Sun 28-Apr-13 18:16:55

Haven't read all the comments.

YANBU to be happy with your body shape. I am a size 8 but not happy with the way I look. I have awful self esteem issues despite apparently being pretty.

I would love to be happy with the way I look/my body shape as it pretty much rules my day to day life.

As for the health issue, well, my mum was active, fit, always ate healthily but got cancer and died 6 weeks after diagnosis at the age of 60. Therefore logically I can see why being overweight is a health risk, but nowadays I tend to veer towards being happy as more important.

Good luck to you.

StuffezLaYoni Sun 28-Apr-13 18:42:12

Don't think it could have been put any better, wiley
Sorry to hear about your mum

LessMissAbs Sun 28-Apr-13 18:48:08

To be honest OP, the fact that you posted about this at all makes me wonder if you are body dysmorphic and/or narcisstic. Your comments below, to pick just two, are rather telling:-

I don't like my thighs - they are flabby - a few weeks cycling will sort that out

Interestingly, people, in the past have often made me feel shit about my weight - always women

Wow - and the award for absurd conclusion drawn from nothing goes to lessmissabs.

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 19:09:15

I think we're ignoring the elephant in the room here...(no offence) grin

StuffezLaYoni Sun 28-Apr-13 19:12:14

Sorry, Jewcy, what is the elephant in the room? Or did you mean the OP? Because she's a larger woman?
How nice.

aurynne Sun 28-Apr-13 20:58:36

This thread proves exactly what the OP was trying to prove... women are nasty and judgemental to other women. I am truly disgusted about the way we treat people who are overweight or obese. Look at all the vipers trying to put down the op... "she looks happy, let's pull her down to the gutter, where her fat ass belongs"... I hope you all are ashamed of yourselves.

Next time a single mum comes to the forum saying that her husband has left her and she has to raise 4 kids on her own but she is happy, will you charge all together to tell her she is deluding herself, and her children will be miserable and it is all her fault? Are you lot the kind of people to go to others (esp. women) in McDonald's and start ranting about why they shouldn't be there and how they are going to die young of a heart attack? Did you enjoy putting other girls down in the playground while in high school?

She said she was HAPPY being fat. And here you all go, telling her "well, yeah right, I am sure you're not happy, and even if you were, you are unhealthy and are going to die young". Well done, MumsNet.

Excuse me now, I'm going to be sick.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 21:02:18

I completely agree, aurynne

I was especially shocked by the person who said "I don't believe anybody is happy being overweight ,you are just not unhappy enough about it to do something about it."

So,that's the problem with overweight people, they're just not unhappy enough... Nice

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 21:14:57

aurynne the op contradicts herself thats why no one believes her.

dogsandcats Sun 28-Apr-13 21:20:32

Was hoping this thread would end.

I dont think the op is going to be back anytime soon.
It would be nice [to her I think] if posts stopped.
Though no, I am not the thread police, so obviously it is up to an individual.

The OP does not contadict herself. She asked was she unreasonable to be irritated. She never said she thought she was perfect. She said she's happy and that's not believed and this thread bears her out.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 22:07:20

she said she was happy with her body then said she had flabby thighs that need sorting. contradictory in my book.

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 22:11:58

The entire post by the OP sounds desperate to me. In all honestly she - as with most people who are morbidly obese yet feel the need to express their 'delight' in their bodies - doth protesteth too much..

Floralnomad Sun 28-Apr-13 22:14:02

Just to clarify unami it should have said bothered not unhappy ,which proves I should proof read my posts . I'm staggered that you are more shocked by what I said though than all the posters who said that fat people are a heart attack waiting to happen and that they obviously don't care about their children because they will leave them orphaned ! I would say that's infinitely more shocking but each to their own .

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 22:24:19

Jewcy how unpleasantly patronising you sound. I doubt very much you are model thin yourself, but even if your body is (notionally) attractive, your personality certainly isn't judging by that post.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 22:26:01

Ok Floral, you are right really, other posters saying that the OP didn't care about her children and so on is much harsher.

It did seem pretty odd to suggest that fat people aren't unhappy enough with their bodies. If you mean to say bothered than that makes more sense. I can see that a lot of people aren't just that bothered one way to another (and that doesn't count as unhappy or happy in my book)

In fact, I feel like a lot of venom (and confusion) is a result of the fact that we might all have different ideas of what it is to be unhappy with their bodies.

I disagree with likeit when they say that if you think you have flabby thighs that need sorting then you are unhappy with your body. There is a difference between recognising a problem, or something that you would like to change or improve, and being unhappy about it.

To me, being happy with your body doesn't necessarily mean believing that every aspect of your body is great, and getting a rush of delight every time you look in the mirror. To me, being happy with your body means - just being fairly happy with your body, maybe recognising that it's not the most amazing body in the world, but appreciating what's good about it, and not spending a lot of time thinking about/worrying about how you look.

Similarly, if someone said they were unhappy about their body, I would imagine that they spent a lot of time thinking about how they look, getting upset about it and dwelling on it - perhaps to the extent that it interfered with other aspects of their life.

But, really, "being happy with" and "being unhappy with" can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 22:31:45

<shrugs> I'm fit, me.

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 22:35:10

I am struggling to see how someone can be happy with their body when they don't fit comfortably into aeroplane seats, they spill over onto the next seat on a bus or train and would seriously keel over if they had to sprint for a bus. To say you have 'great norks' as a size 22 is, quite, simply, disingenuous.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 22:35:48

hmm ive got thunder thighs but hey im as happy as larry . yep can see what you mean smile

TheSecondComing Sun 28-Apr-13 22:38:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 22:40:02

Have any of you actually read through this thread? Seriously, I honestly do not think the majority of posters have been harsh to you.

If you don't want to hear what people have to say, why post on AIBU? Were you only after flattery or affirmation from other posters?

Going through your original post

"Sometimes i get irritated because i can't find clothes in my size that i like but when i look at my body in the mirror - i like it.

"I am pretty fit..."

"I would be happy to be a size 18 on top and a size 16/14 down below but no slimmer, thanks. I would probably prefer that size but for no reasons other than health reasons - i eat a healthy diet but probably drink a little too much I also have flabby thighs which need sorting out, but othe than that, when i look in the mirror, i like what i see."

"As i say, i have self esteem issues but they are no way associated with my body imagine. I don't like my face so much.

AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body."

So just to clarify, your so happy with your body but you get irritated when you can't get clothes your size, you acknowledge that you could be slimmer for health reasons, you eat a healthy diet and exercise yet you are size 22 and 5'2, you don't have esteem issues yet you drink too much, post on AIBU asking for reassurance, you dislike your face and say that are parts of your body you need to fix.

Then when people point of the contradictions in your post, and give you reasons why people might find it difficult to believe you are unhappy (which is what your original post implied you wanted- you replied back all offended. I'm sorry I don't buy the victim mentality - you asked for people's opinions, people have taken the time out of their lives to respond to you and then you come back all defensive when very, very few people here have made derogatory comments about you.

Ashoething Sun 28-Apr-13 22:47:09

JEwsy-are you this nasty in rl or merely a keyboard warrior? please share if you have issues that are causing you to be so vile. As i said in a previous post i am a chubster-i like how i look.i am attractive and i make an effort.why would i feel the need to lie about this to a bunch of strangers on the net?

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 22:48:40

I've been a size 22. When I was, I used to run for the train most mornings and never keeled over. I also never had any problem fitting on a plane seat, or a seat on public transport. You would have to be a LOT bigger (I'd say above a size 30) to have those sort of problems.

LessMissAbs Sun 28-Apr-13 22:48:55

Its just the sheer level of self-obsession and attention-seeking, excused because the OP is over a certain size, and anyone who points this out must be attacking women. But of course if a size 10 woman was writing similar about how sexy she was and firm and flexible, she would be attacked for being vain.

Its best I think not to pay too much attention to what you look like, but how well your body functions. I'm that keen on anyone who tells you how wonderful they are, but I do admire women who achieve things, whether that be being healthy and fit, having children, surviving serious disease, running a fast marathon, etc, but to be acclaim for simply existing is a tad irritating I find.

currentbuns Sun 28-Apr-13 22:49:10

Personally, I couldn't feel happy or comfortable being that size, I had an insight into what it's like to be larger post-dc and found it very unsettling. Perhaps others feel similarly and simply cannot imagine being happy about carrying that much extra weight.
Each to their own, however. If op is genuinely happy as she is, good for her. I don't think it's necessarily possible to disprove her contentions by reading between the lines of her posts.

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 22:49:59

good post plinkyplonks cant argue with that ...... well im sure someone will smile

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 28-Apr-13 22:55:09

"Blessed in the nork department" doesn't sweeten the deal for me.

One of the things I like best about being slim is having (relatively; C-cup) small, in proportion norks.

I don't understand why anyone would want ponderous breasts.

IntheFrame Sun 28-Apr-13 22:55:38

I have a friend who is a size 22 and she was unsure of her body although not unhappy generally. She has joined a website for larger ladies and got an overwhelming response from really fit men who like her type. She now feels much better about herself.
Half of the battle about what makes you happy is how others see you. If you meet lots of people who really like you, being "over"weight isn't an issue truly.

Floralnomad Sun 28-Apr-13 23:04:03

intheframe that is seriously sad that your friend can only feel good about herself because some bloke fancies her . Did feminism pass her by ?

Pancakeflipper Sun 28-Apr-13 23:04:07

I envy you OP with your positive body image. I am a size 12 and I hate my body image.

I feel enormous and it won't bloody turn into the body With huge amounts of exercise.

My only concern at a size 22 is for health.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 23:05:57

Um, good for you Don confused

Jewcy Sun 28-Apr-13 23:08:59

This thread is about the OP's claim that she is happy being 5'2" and a size 22 and the fact that some of us don't believe her. What's so vile about that? Am I not allowed an opinion because I am a size 12? We don't believe she is happy because her post is riddled with disgruntled remarks about things she would like to change about herself.

I'm beginning to see, however, that being a size 12 immediately negates any discussion about obesity with someone who is corpulent.

So I shall say goodnight.

blueshoes Sun 28-Apr-13 23:14:15

How can a mirena coil cause a person who eats healthily to gain so much weight. Surely the coil should be banned for that reason alone.

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 23:21:45

Again, I have to say that I think we probably all have very different ideas of what it means to 'feel happy' with our bodies. It's not necessarily being delighted and thinking we are perfect.

I don't think anyone is really in a position to tell someone else how they actually feel.

I also think that many posters here have the impression that size 18-22 is much bigger than it actually is. You won't have much fun in Topshop at that size, but it is nowhere near the sort of size where you would be uncomfortable on planes or trains, or have difficulty running for a bus, or doing normal exercise.

Lots of ladies who are above 40 (and I'm guess the OP is as she met her partner over 20 years ago) are a similar size, and no one gives it a second thought. How many people over 40 are delighted with their bodies anyway, no matter what they weigh.

I don't think the OP was trying to say that she looks like a 19 year old supermodel, just that she, personally, is not miserable about her own body. What's so controversial about that?

MrsWolowitz Sun 28-Apr-13 23:23:12

It's good that you are so confident.

Being size 22 is not healthy. You will be eating more than you think and you are not as healthy as you think. If you eat more than you burn off you put weight on. If you burn more fat than you eat you lose weight. It's really that simple (unless of course you have an under-lying medical condition).

Your health is a concern as your organs are under so much extra stress by carrying around all that extra weight.

Sh1ney Sun 28-Apr-13 23:26:46

Unami - I'm one of those really old bastards of 41 and I promise you , we don't all lay down and give up.. I'm size 8/10 and mostly wear top shop clothes. 40 isn't 80 y'know

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 23:32:37

Sorry, Sh1ney but I thought that would get people's hackles up.

I'm sure that you, at 41, are perfectly happy with the way you look. But there are other people who will think, "Ooh...how can she possibly be happy looking like that? She's just kidding herself on. She might be able to get into a size 8 pair of jeans, but imagine what she looks like when she take takes them off shock She can't pretend she wishes she was 20 years younger...." And so on.

Whereas you know that you are perfectly happy with your body, and where you are with it now.

Maybe it's the same for the OP?

Sh1ney Sun 28-Apr-13 23:34:27

Oh and pumpkin sweetie - your 7 year old calling you a fat cow is certainly a wake up call. To dish out a punishment to him of such proportions that he doesn't do it again ...

Sh1ney Sun 28-Apr-13 23:35:56

Oh women are never happy with their bodies! I hate my tummy for example and I'm not very toned. But - meh - I'm happy with the size and weight I am so that's something

I'm dead touchy about my age though grin

likeitorlumpit Sun 28-Apr-13 23:37:34

lol at jewcy love the word corpulent. i dont think you have said anything vile nobody has. every one is allowed an opinion in an ideal world just not on mumsnet it seems.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 23:37:49

Except the OP has reservations about their body Unami

The OP was asking why she thinks other people don't believe her when she says she is happy - despite her contradictory statements and feelings about her own body in her opening post. And she wonders why people don't believe her :/

Unami Sun 28-Apr-13 23:44:07

I don't see what's so contradictory about her OP.

There are aspects of her body and being her size that she doesn't seem to like, but overall she says she's not unhappy with her body. Maybe there are things she would like to change, but that doesn't mean that she is miserable about they way she looks.

Again, I don't see what's so controversial about that.

Maybe you think that she shouldn't be happy at size 18-22, and that's your perspective and up to you, but I don't see why you don't believe her when she says she feels the way she feels, even if that's not how you would feel at that size.

plinkyplonks Sun 28-Apr-13 23:51:41

Unami - I am not judging the OP and it's up to her how she feels about her size. If you can't see how her opening post is contradictory, then we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. I don't think anyone apart from yourself have brought up her views or anyone else's views for that matter being controversial either. I'll leave it there, the OP isn't happy with the responses she's received.

TheRainbowsEnd Mon 29-Apr-13 00:49:15

How many people over 40 are delighted with their bodies anyway, no matter what they weigh

Woah. Super bitchy much?

I'm in my late 20s and found that offensive.

WildlingPrincess Mon 29-Apr-13 00:55:24

YANBU! I'm a size 18 and happy! I've been a size 10 and just didn't feel confident or sexy then. I'm more comfortable with my size now. I exercise more too.

Unami Mon 29-Apr-13 01:03:35

I didn't mean that seriously Rainbow

I was trying to point out (albiet clumsily) that lots of us are perfectly happy with our bodies, even if we don't look like 19 year old supermodels. Similarly, lots of us just get on with life while recognising that we don't look amazing - it doesn't bother us.

If the OP says she is happy with her body, then I believe that she is happy. I wouldn't presume that she is lying to others, or to herself, and is secretly desperately wishing to be slimmer.

MrsWolowitz Mon 29-Apr-13 07:01:52

Wilding you must have done zero exercise when you were a size 10.

I understand that it's a personal and individual thing to feel sexy and more attractive at different sizes but health is factual rather than a feeling.

Being a size 18 is not healthy.

It just isn't.

MrsMorton Mon 29-Apr-13 07:39:15

I don't believe you that you can touch the floor from standing. Do your boobs not get in the way?

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 29-Apr-13 10:03:56

You can't say that a size 18 isn't healthy.

If you're 5'11" or taller and a size 18, you're hardly obese. And I say this as a 5'10" size 10er.

Size 22, yes, is unhealthy. But you simply cannot blanket say that a size 18 is unhealthy.

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 10:16:07

Sorry your thread has gone this way LEM. Should have expected it really, it's a damn shame.

I believe you when you say you are happy with your size. Happiness is a state of mind after all and no-one on this thread has the right to decided whether you are happy or not. How YOU feel is what is important. It's a bit ridiculous of people to think they can judge your happiness better than you can - how arrogant.

I also believe you when you say you can walk and cycle for miles, and your flexibility. Being fat doesn't mean you cannot be fit, just as being thin doesn't mean you are healthy.

I am limited as to what I can do exercise wise, but I swim a mile a day when the pool is open, walk the dogs 3 times a day for never less than 3 miles and not only can I place my palms on the floor from standing, but I can still do the splits and a backwards walkover!

No, your size may not be healthy - but that wasn't what your thread was about. It's a pity some posters feel the need to sit in judgement of you and make awful comments, but it seems that's what some women do, well, the inadequate ones anyway.

Thank fuck I mainly work with men.

SamuelWestsMistress Mon 29-Apr-13 10:21:54

People are so utterly obsessed with weight and size! This thread just proves it. If someone is happy with their size be it 10 stone or 20 stone then that's fine isn't it? Why do the people who seem to think its a crime to be large and happy seem so obsessed with trying to tell them they don't? Very weird indeed.

Life it too short to give any form of fuckage what other people think about you. If you are happy then that is all that matters. OP, I think you are DNBU.

Life it too short

Particularly if you are morbidly obese

bicyclebuiltforfour Mon 29-Apr-13 10:29:38

What's your BP? What's your resting HR? Are they are in the 'healthy' range?

At the risk of scaremongering, being your size is linked with an increased risk in heart disease, diabetes and certain cancers (something I'd be particularly concerned about if you drink as much as you suggest). I'm sure you think it doesn't apply to you, but statistics suggest otherwise (and I'm sure nobody would believe an anorexic who claimed she wasn't at risk: AFAIK you're the same, just the other end of the ahem scale).

Are you going to continue to get bigger as you get older? Where's it going to stop? You're clearly doing something wrong if you're eating and exercising as well as you claim: your body wouldn't be that size if you were. It might never be a size 10, but it wouldn't be so large.

Are you eating enough to lose weight?? If you're really restricting, your body will be clinging onto fat for dear life, meaning that any exercise you do is nigh pointless from a fat burning perspective...

Just because you're happy with your body doesn't make it healthy.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 29-Apr-13 10:37:34

I know you can feel happy and beautiful whatever your weight but it is unhealthy to be very overweight. Yes, there will be a million 'examples' of Great Aunt Bess who lived to 100, was fit as a fiddle and was very overweight but, statistically, it is life limiting and unhealthy.
Loosing weight is bloody hard work but, along with stopping smoking it is something everyone should do if they want to lead a long and healthy life.

Jewcy Mon 29-Apr-13 10:39:16

If someone is happy with their size be it 10 stone or 20 stone then that's fine isn't it?

Er, no. Not if your heaving rolls of lard are spilling over onto my seat on an aeroplane.

WildlingPrincess Mon 29-Apr-13 10:47:43

MrsWolowitz The only exercise I ever did was partying!

OhLori Mon 29-Apr-13 11:00:33

Am loving the GP-health-lectures on BMI etc! (BMI has recently been shown to be a mathematically incorrect model - something I have always thought instinctively being big-boned and curvy myself, but hehho I'm not a government scientist/diet guru/militant, so obviously I know jack?)

Seriously, if OP is happy with her body, that's a major achievement in itself. She sounds healthy, happy and energetic smile.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 29-Apr-13 11:07:45

Being significantly overweight is a huge health issue. That is not an opinion it is a undeniable fact.

LessMissAbs Mon 29-Apr-13 11:22:58

I also believe you when you say you can walk and cycle for miles, and your flexibility. Being fat doesn't mean you cannot be fit, just as being thin doesn't mean you are healthy

I would be surprised at that. Sport and fitness is all about power to weight ratio. Any excess adipose tissue is always a drawback. You don't get many Olympic athletes who are overweight. Excess weight also puts strain on your joints and makes you more injury prone.

It also tends to raise heart rate, blood pressure and perspiration levels, none of which help movement.

Why does it always have to "fat" or "thin"? Some people are just slim.

The worst comment I ever had when out running was from a largish woman, perhaps a size 20 or above. She shouted something abusive about the size of my backside as I ran past. I'm the same height as the OP and a size 8 and 52-53kg, and if I put weight on, it slows my 10k time right down, its very accurate. Sadly, at 5 feet 2, no-one could ever describe me as thin, thought I suspect if I were, my running times would be even faster.

OhLori Mon 29-Apr-13 11:25:01

The OP never gave her weight. She is a size 22 top/18 bottom and how "healthy" that is will depend on a person's frame, build e.g. curvy, height, and general health, diet and level of activity/exercise.

I think some people are missing the point anyway. Certainly, looking at all the patronising, bossy and negative comments she is getting here I can see how annoying it must be for OP to get the same in real life, still, they say happiness is best revenge smile.

Mominatrix Mon 29-Apr-13 11:29:28

Gaining weight in your 40s is not an absolute gospel truth of the law of nature. I am in my 40s, 5'2" (like the OP) and am still a size 4-6, and still can wear clothes from my late teenage years. My body is not exactly the same as then, but I am still pert and toned (still sporting a 6 pack). I don't starve myself and eat and drink what I want (although my tastes do tend to be moderate). I am definitely not skeletal, so I can only image what I would look like at a size 22. However, YANBU to have a positive sense of self, which really should have little to do with what our bodies look like and more on having a positive attitude towards life.

blueshoes Mon 29-Apr-13 11:37:45

Shouldn't the OP just remove the mirena coil and use a different form of contraception? <lone voice in wilderness>

iclaudius Mon 29-Apr-13 11:44:09

Unami !!! You obviously think over 40 is 'other worldly' my un pregnant body at 45 ish is size 10 and although not delighted with it I am still in a bikini and quite proud!!

JennyMackers Mon 29-Apr-13 11:48:59

I'm in my forties and I'm actually happier with my body than I've ever been! I have given myself permission to be 5'2" and I have realised that I'm not obliged to be taller, I'm not contractually expected to fulfil the role of being taller. but but but and this is the bit I want you to talk me through LEM95, HOW do you tune out those messages from the media, from society, from personal experiences. Because it has taken me 20+ years to get to this point. I'm not fat, I'm in the middle of the bmi range and exercise a lot so presumably some of that weight is muscle and I think I am heavier than I look like I am, and yet, even intellectualising it all, the world around me, and the genes I inherited, and the age I am, and the body I got - and the fact that it has NEVER let me down, it conceived, bore, delivered, breastfed, became fit again - even with that knowledge it is still an ongoing process I think, fighting to make sure that those messages from the outside world don't become internalised. I know that when I do hear critical voices in my head they are interanalised messages from the criticism of any woman in society that is not like a model. Over the years it is an enslaught. How do you tune out those voices? this is a serious question.

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 11:58:12

Sport and fitness is all about power to weight ratio

...don't forget CV, which impacts moreso on BP and heart rate.

My CV fitness is excellent, therefore so is my resting heart rate. If I was able to run (which I'm not any more) I would probably not be as fast as I was, but would be able to go further thanks to my CV fitness. OP states "i walk for miles and cycle distances that make the face pullers making faces and declaring that they can't do that" - That is probably what she means.

Determination is also a factor. Some people just give up when they are knackered, some push through.

LessMissAbs Mon 29-Apr-13 12:24:24

LtEveDallas more weight makes your heart rate go up when you move, or exercise. Your body has to work harder to propel itself into motion.

I don't know what kind of training you do, but as a competitive runner, we train to enable our heart rates to go high during competition. In an endurance race, you would want your heart rate to be lower than in a 3000m for example.

If your heart rate is high just to propel yourself forwards, you are going to tire sooner no matter how low your resting heart rate is.

I always got told by a fellow runner something very useful - do a paced run carrying a small 5kg weight in each hand, and see what effect is has on you. That's the effect that carrying an extra 10kg in weight has on the effort your body requires to move.

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 29-Apr-13 12:31:09

To answer the OP's question - no of course you are not being unreasonable to be happy with your size. I think some of the comments on here are pretty harsh. If you have good self esteem and feel happy and confident at a larger size - bloody good on you.

I would like to have the same amount of self esteem - however I am caught in the trap of never being quite thin enough. Even when I have dieted down to a target weight I think I could be a bit thinner. Which is a shameful thing to have to admit to - i am a supposedly intelligent person.

On a lighter note how the HELL does anyone manage to touch their palms to the floor? I can just about touch my shins. And I have great big long orangutan arms and am pretty fit. Just not bendy evidently. grin

34DD Mon 29-Apr-13 12:41:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LazyMonkeyButler Mon 29-Apr-13 12:53:48

Going back to your OP, no of course YANBU. Your life, your body, your choices. To be happy & comfortable in your own body is a great thing - whether you are a size 8 or a size 22.

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 13:42:04

I always got told by a fellow runner something very useful - do a paced run carrying a small 5kg weight in each hand, and see what effect is has on you. That's the effect that carrying an extra 10kg in weight has on the effort your body requires to move

As a soldier we do squadded boot runs carrying between 15 and 32 Kgs in extra weight, including helment and weapon. We have to travel 8 miles in under 1 hrs 50 minutes. I didn't have a problem when I wasn't overweight, so I don't envisage that I would have a problem now smile. A lot of it is dependant on CV fitness and determination - something I have in spades.

Weightloss or maintenance running tends to be a lot slower but over greater distances.

theworldaccordingtome Mon 29-Apr-13 13:46:12

You are absolutely not being unreasonable to be content with your body, and yes it is rude for others to pull faces or comment. However, like previous posters my concern would be your long term health if you are 5ft 2 and this size.

youmaycallmeSSP Mon 29-Apr-13 13:57:35

YANBU to be pleased with how you look, that's great. I suspect that later down the line you will wish that you had shifted the weight now to avoid the increased risk of a multitude of health problems.

Personally, I find it morally repugnant that there were 925 million hungry people in the world in 2010 (a number which has no doubt increased by now) while I eat so much rubbish that I have several kilos of excess weight wobbling around. I'm not happy with that.

LessMissAbs Mon 29-Apr-13 14:01:52

Sorry LtEveDallas but that's just not correct. 8 miles in 1 hr 50 mins is very slow, and a fast walking pace for some. Fair enough if you're carrying extra weight, but I've done the SAS weekend training (for an adventure show selection) and done the running up and down mountains carrying sand in a rucksack and it does really slow you down. Of course I could still do it because I was Ironman and sub 40 minute 10k fit at the time, but I was much slower than I would normally be, and would undoubtedly have tired faster.

Interval training is probably a far more effective way of losing weight because to burn fat you would have to go for over an hour or more, which is unsustainable every day, particularly for someone who needed to lose a lot of weight due to the strain on their joints. You would lose more weight combining interval training with longer distance cycling.

Then theres also motor skills. Efficient motor skills mean a person can move more easily, with less effort. Excess weight doesn't exactly assist in the execution of good motor skills.

OP - I don't mean to be rude, but if you are a size 22 and eating healthily, have you asked your GP to test your thyroid levels?

GlassofRose Mon 29-Apr-13 14:11:58

YANBU to be happy with your body. Everybody should love themselves for what they are.

However, your posts doesn't scream I love my body, it seems like you're trying to convince us that you're happy and healthy.

If you eat a healthy diet in the correct portions (even too much of the good stuff can make you put on weight) and do exercise, then do you have any medical conditions/issues that have caused you to gain extra weight? If you don't then I'd be questioning what it is (for health reasons) that caused your weight gain.

If I've read your post right, it would seem your main reason for staying overweight is to have a large chest confused. I was 12stone last August and a size 36G. I've always been large chested, I was a DD cup at 12. However when I gain weight my breasts aren't actually getting bigger, they're getting fatter, which is why when I switched to a healthy lifestyle I'm now 9stone8 with a 32Ecup. Don't sacrifice your health to have "big boobs".

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 14:32:15

Sorry LtEveDallas but that's just not correct

Umm, I've been doing it for the last 22 years, so I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about confused grin

A CFT 'tab' is walking, marching and running and 1 hr 50 is the slowest you are allowed to be. It also takes place in full uniform, helmet, carrying an automatic rifle and wearing boots.

'Slow' or not, it's rather harder than running in shorts wearing fabby trainers. Which is something we also do of course, but I didn't think running was relevant to the OP.

I don't like all this obsession with weight and size amongst women.
I think it's great you seem pretty happy in your own skin.
I wish more people were !
I think it's really rude to make comments about people's weight/size.
My friend asked me the other day "Have you put on weight ?"
I was really taken aback that she'd just come right out and say that ...
Flipping cheek !
IMO It's not a subject up for general conversation, unless the person themselves starts talking about how well their diet's going or whatever, and then I'd just be nice and encouraging.
Anyhow, plenty of other more interesting stuff to talk about smile

hairtearing Mon 29-Apr-13 14:51:58

Being overweight increases risk of poor health, of course ...but it being overweight does not mean you are unhealthy, I'll etc. The only health problem I Have ever had have been to do with, hypermobilty, born with it, and contraception playing havoc with hormones, the thinnest person I know is the most unhealthy, not anorexic just skinny.I have gone through 2 pregnancies 2 haemorrages not so much as a wavering blood pressure, so no its not healthy, but it doesn't, mean we are going to drop down dead, and leave our kids orphans either.

Oh and SSP, I think you're right that it's "morally repugnant" (if that's how you want to put it ... though I'd probably just stick with "immoral") that there are so many hungry people in the world, and collectively we in the west don't do more to address that pressing concern. But I don't think it's massively related to the other problem of people in the west being over-weight, though there may be some links I guess. But mainly I see them as fairly separate issues, that both need addressing in different ways for the sake of everyone's well-being.

Jewcy Mon 29-Apr-13 15:12:42

Bit pedantic, Juggling? confused

Not really Jewcy - I just don't see the point in trying to make one particular individual feel guilty about the problem of world hunger just because they are personally a bit over-weight. I think we're all just as responsible for the problem of world hunger whatever size we are.
And the word "repugnant" is a bit loaded isn't it ?

likeitorlumpit Mon 29-Apr-13 15:22:54

this is how i see it ,
op says shes happy
then lists things she aint happy with
we all eye roll
back to square one

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 29-Apr-13 15:44:37

"heaving rolls of lard "

How nasty, Jewcy

youmaycallmeSSP Mon 29-Apr-13 15:46:13

It's not about making individuals feel guilty, it's about seeing my weight problem as symbolic of a market failure that costs people their lives every day. It might seem a bit odd but that's really motivated me to lose weight, be less wasteful with food and to think more carefully about what I consume.

I really don't buy into the 'big is beautiful' psyche. In my view being seriously overweight (all SN etc. exceptions apply...) is wrong on several levels, which is why I'm shifting my own excess fat.

Jewcy Mon 29-Apr-13 16:06:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jewcy Mon 29-Apr-13 16:09:08

I have asked for my last post to be removed as it is unkind. Sorry, OP.

Ashoething Mon 29-Apr-13 16:11:35

That's not being brave jewcy-its just being nasty. Do you hate all women or merely fat ones? Your insecurity is actually quite sad

I am attractive at a size 16-have been told so by numerous people. Attractiveness is not the size of clothes you wear-it comes from self confidence. I have lotsgrin

pinkyredrose Mon 29-Apr-13 16:13:57

Dawn French anyone?

Come back OP, you sound awesome!

FasterStronger Mon 29-Apr-13 16:24:16

^Personally, I find it morally repugnant that there were 925 million hungry people in the world in 2010 (a number which has no doubt increased by now) while I eat so much rubbish that I have several kilos of excess weight wobbling around. I'm not happy with that.

I agree with this sentiment. the problem we face as a planet is not only that there are more people but that the people are heavier so the total number of calories required to keep us is much greater than it would be if we were all a healthy weight.

(I say this as someone who is carrying extra weight)

FasterStronger Mon 29-Apr-13 16:26:29

I don't like big boobs = feeling/looking sexy.

that's just another stick to bash women with.

TheRainbowsEnd Mon 29-Apr-13 16:28:40

I was out on Saturday evening and whilst washing my hands I couldn't help but overhear the two women next to me talking.

One was quite large and she said "I've never felt so frumpy before, I really need to actually stick to a diet"

It was obviously that by being overweight it had put a downer on a night out for her.

So if you're happy with your size then good for you, I know I would be more like that woman though - so well done for having more confidence than I ever could.

Dahlen Mon 29-Apr-13 16:34:08

I think it's great that you're happy with your size in terms of your appearance. smile

However, at 5'2" your size puts you at significantly increased risk of health problems in future years. I would look into losing a bit of weight for that reason alone, not appearance.

It's perfectly possible to be overweight and fit. In fact it is better to be a little overweight than underweight, as this helps boost the immune system when it comes under fire.

A healthy lifestyle is far more influential than weight for most people. However, beyond a certain weight the excess is probably going to cancel out all that good work.

When I was a smoker, I still ran marathons. My lung capacity was certainly far superior to most smokers and probably better than many non-smokers who took no exercise whatsoever. However, none of that altered the fact that I was still damaging my lungs and ran the risk of all sorts of smoking-related diseases in the future.

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 29-Apr-13 16:40:52

SSP, it is very sad you find yourself "morally repugnant", that is no way to live your life.

ubik Mon 29-Apr-13 16:41:30

Working fr the NHS has convinced me to lose enough weight to go from overweight to 'healthy' range and I want to get further down the healthy range too.

There are so many people with gout, type 2 diabetes and associated health problems requiring many different types of medication all with its own side effects.

I would like to avoid this if possible, I would like a healthy active retirement- I know I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and I know being a healthy weight doesn't preclude me from ill health, but it sure helps.

youmaycallmeSSP Mon 29-Apr-13 16:58:49

Fanjo I don't most of the time. I do think that the market failure that allows me to become obese while millions starve is disgusting though. I'm a commie at heart grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 29-Apr-13 17:12:03

oh me too smile Glad you don't hate on yourself all the time, never would be good though grin

MrsMelons Mon 29-Apr-13 18:03:38

My mum is 5ft0 and has been diagnosed with schlerosis of the liver, the only factor they have told her they can find that is causing it is her weight. She weights 9st 13 so is roughly a stone overweight that is all. She is a size 12.

She is not allowed to drink at all (which she barely did) but has been told she MUST lose weight. I know it is unfortunate and maybe just one of those things but it just goes to show how controlling your weight is so important.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mon 29-Apr-13 18:16:12

jewsy
I think the wrong post got removed by MNHQ. I thought it was the rolls of lard comment you wanted removed

(at least I hope it was confused )

MrsMorton Mon 29-Apr-13 18:48:43

The CFT is one of a number of fitness tests in the army and it's shocking how many people can pass that test and not their PFT or whatever it's called this week at PFT, as far as I understand it, soldiers have their BMI and waist measurement taken and are put on a weight loss program if necessary.

Seeing fat soldiers makes me think of dad's army...

Thought about this some more. I don't know of, and have never heard of ANYONE losing a tonne of weight and then saying god this is horrid I need to pile it back on again asap. I was so much happier before.

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 19:02:16

You are right about the CFT MrsMorton, and how soldiers can pass that but not their PFT. Although I have to say, IMO the CFT is a far more useful and accurate test - how likely is it on a battlefield that a soldier would leave all his kit behind, slip on his trainers and run away? grin. I want my soldiers to be able to carry all the kit they need to fight.

(Seeing fat soldiers makes me wonder what combat injury they got, whether they have prothetic limbs or internal injuries, and be very thankful that the Army is willing to retain and rehabilitate them rather than throw them on the scrapheap)

MrsMorton Mon 29-Apr-13 19:14:31

Yes, those combat HR specialists are the right in the line of fire hmm

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 19:17:14

Yes, those combat HR specialists are the right in the line of fire

Indeed, that's how I got my life changing injury smile

MrsMorton Mon 29-Apr-13 19:22:22

Yes, I'm sure every overweight service person/police officer has been injured in the line of duty also.

LtEveDallas Mon 29-Apr-13 19:28:15

Is there a reason you are posting in that way MrsMorton? Are you aware of how it makes you sound?

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