to feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 4 yo?

(78 Posts)
Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 13:13:09

I know I am BU and I can't explain why.
I've always been one of these parents that said she can't wear nail vanish then I let her get her face painted and a local fete.
She is in a dance show on stage and I have to put foundation, eye shadow and lipstick on her. I've told myself its just stage make up and it isn't the same but as my DD puckers up and says I'm like a grown up now I feel rather uncomfortable with it all. Yet don't have a probably with her dressing up as a nurse or a policeman.
I'm BU aren't I.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 13:14:46

Doh too many typos, need more sleep!
*at a local fete
*don't have a problem with her dressing up.

SomethingOnce Sat 27-Apr-13 13:21:36

I wouldn't have a problem with facepaint, but would have a massive problem with foundation, eyeshadow and lipstick.

What show is it? Jailbait - the Musical?

Ewwww, YANBU.

PandaG Sat 27-Apr-13 13:25:54

makeup for on stage is fine on a 4 yo - if you don't wear some sort of makeup you look completely drained under the lights. Ordinary makeup is much easier to get off than old fashioned greasepaint.

My DD is now 11, and I've bought her a cheap set of makeup from Aldi for on stage only I bought some for her so my better stuff didn't get lost in the changing room!

WorriedMummy73 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:26:04

Eurgh, I HATE this. Little girls don't need makeup for shows and it annoys me when they doll them up to the nines. Little girls are beautiful exactly as they are. I've always been of the opinion that I would simply refuse to put the makeup on, were it my daughter, and if the show organisers had an issue I'd say she was allergic to it!

FWIW, my DD (11) is in a production of The Wizard of Oz in June (as a Munchkin) and I'll be interested to see what makeup they come up with for that...

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 13:29:03

The organisers said she'd need it otherwise she'll look white and washed out under the lights.

PandaG Sat 27-Apr-13 13:30:14

dolled up to the nines it not nice I absolutely agree, but just a bit to avoid looking washed out is fine imo.

mrsjay Sat 27-Apr-13 13:30:24

*What show is it? Jailbait - the Musical?

Ewwww, YANBU.*

That is a disgusting thing to say about a young child it is a dance show

OP I think you need to either tone down the make or not put it on her at all she doesn't need it the dance school shouldn't insist ,

WorriedMummy73 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:33:33

She needs eyeshadow and lipstick to avoid looking washed out? Bollocks! And why is it a problem for a 4 year old to look washed out anyway? I would rather that than the child prostitute look. Does anyone remember the tv show Minipops from the 80s? Massive uproar about the makeup on the little girls and how it was paedophile(sp?) heaven, etc.

I'm not a pearl-clutching type, but the reasons for putting makeup on small children really pisses me off. Are there any boys in the show? Will they have foundation, eyeshadow and lipstick? Doubt it.

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:34:36

Its normal for stage make up to be applied for a show due to lights etc. Its just for play basically,I would feel uncomfortable but boys in a play have the same make up applied.

SomethingOnce Sat 27-Apr-13 13:35:55

I didn't say anything about a child, I was making a point about how awful i think it is to put a load of slap on a four-year old.

WorriedMummy73 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:36:57

Ok, but this isn't Broadway and this is a 4 year old girl, not Liza fecking Minelli. She does not NEED makeup, that's the point.

WorriedMummy73 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:37:54

I'm also still not buying that boys wear lipstick and eyeshadow. So why do girls need it? What does that have to do with them looking washed out?

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers Sat 27-Apr-13 13:38:10


SomethingOnce Sat 27-Apr-13 13:38:36

Lol at Liza fecking Minelli

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:38:59

I have been to lots of plays and productions, two of my boys have done stage productions, dancing and yes they wore stage make up.

madonnawhore Sat 27-Apr-13 13:39:40

DSD (5) came back from her mum's the other day with liquid eyeliner swooshes on her eyelids and nail varnish.

Made me feel really uncomfortable.

But then I did a lot of ballet shows when I was 8/9 and I remember we had to wear eyeliner and lipstick to make our faces stand out under the lights.

WorriedMummy73 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:39:41

5madthings - eyeshadow? Lipstick?

ParmaViolette Sat 27-Apr-13 13:41:29

If there is lights- you need make up.

I've did am-dram throughout my youth and was surrounded by orange foundationed and pink lipsticked girls AND boys all around show dates.

Usually I hate make up on little girls- but you do need it, or you have no face under the lights.

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:42:38

Use eye shadow and lipstick, mad data and foundation for a proper theater stage production.

We went to see James and the giant peach recently and all the men and boys had stage make up on as well, its not at all unusual.

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:42:50

Yes not use..

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:43:43

Exactly parma its the lighting for a stage production, not the same as a play in a school hall etc.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 13:44:47

Yes there are boys in the show and yes boys wear the same: foundation and lipstick not sure about eye shadow, didn't look too closely.
Surprised by responses, I thought you'd all tell me I'm being an idiot and a hypocrit letting her wear face paints but feeling uncomfortable at stage make up.

ParmaViolette Sat 27-Apr-13 13:44:53

WorriedMummy73- the boys all had to wear foundation, lipstick, blusher, eyeliner and mascara at all of my shows I did.

Otherwise you look like someone has taken a picture with flash on right up close to your face under professional lighting

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:46:49

So the boys are wearing the same then? Standard for a stage show, yanbu to feel unco for table about it but it is part and parcel of stage performance.

I hope your dd has a great time smile

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 13:46:59

I used number 7 tinted moisturiser and my clinique lippy (didnt want to buy one especially) I didn't put eye shadow on but she was supposed to have lilac eye shadow too.
Dress rehearsal today then 3 evening shows next wk.

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 13:48:29

DD is loving it, at 4 yo she loves anything girly despite my disapproval!

WorriedMummy73 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:48:38

Good Lord! Can't believe all the shit they put on kids! Dreading DD's 'run' now. I love her gorgeous little face exactly as it it. Don't want it caked in makeup.

PandaG Sat 27-Apr-13 13:50:18

yes, makeup including lipstick and eyeshadow on boys and men as well as girls and women. NOT to look as though makeup is being worn, (for the girls, boys and men), but to look not washed out.

May also be to alter appearance - ie wrinkle lines or facial hair to look older which could be greasepaint or eyeliner.

I totally agree PPs who don't like the overmade up mini miss world style look, but greasepaint or ordinary makeup used to give a bit of colour under the lights is fine.

JustFoofy Sat 27-Apr-13 13:52:41

Its a dance show. My DS and DD have both been in them and they both wear stage make up. It certainly hasn't compelled my DS (11) to walk around a la Grayson Perry neither has my DD (4) ever asked to wear make up at any other point apart from a bit of chapstick.

It's harmless and you're overthinking it.

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 13:53:55

I love my boys just the way they are as well but for a stage production under lights they do all need the make up regardless if gender.

We used stuff for sensitive skin and it was wiped off as soon as they had finished. It was for a couple of hours and they had a great time smile

Pageants etc are a totally separate issue and I don't agree with them at all.

BinksToEnlightenment Sat 27-Apr-13 14:17:16

It's only stage makeup. I don't think it's a big deal.

mrsjay Sat 27-Apr-13 14:38:45

* didn't say anything about a child, I was making a point about how awful i think it is to put a load of slap on a four-year old.*

you said jailbait the musical that is a disgusting thing to think never mind say these are little kids, dance shows and make up go hand in hand doesn't make it right but there was no need to use such disgusting language about 4 yr olds being on stage with make up on,

mrsjay Sat 27-Apr-13 14:40:00

child actors dancers wear make up to perform it is no big deal imo, kids on tv wear make up and they do for stage as well

Millais Sat 27-Apr-13 15:01:49

My dcs could be very late coming home from performances and I often opted to drive them home straight away and let them take off makeup in the car with baby wipes. Too many mornings were then spent trying to remove the rest of it before they went off to school. DD didn't mind but the dss always objected to the heavy eye liner.grin

LimitedEditionLady Sat 27-Apr-13 15:02:52

Sorry but its just for a show so i dont think its bad.if it was everyday or to parties then id say no its not nice because she would think her regular appearance isnt sure she will see it as just being in a costume and know its not needed.

LimitedEditionLady Sat 27-Apr-13 15:09:50

A child prostitute worriedmummy?
Would you like that said about your child?i know its not aimed at that child but thats not if a child tales part in dance shows dressed as a swan or suchlike if they wear make up youd think that they look like a red light worker.great stuff.

taxi4ballet Sat 27-Apr-13 15:14:12

I wouldn't have let my daughter wear make-up either at that age, unless it was for a dance show.

What other posters say about make-up being needed for the theatre are quite right. Stage lighting makes you look like a ghost if you don't wear it, especially if everyone else has it on and you don't!

I chaperoned some boys once for a ballet production (yes - boys DO do ballet!!!) and none of them wanted to wear make-up until I pointed out that the blokes off Top Gear and Match of the Day wear it for tv.

PickledLiver Sat 27-Apr-13 17:03:35

Just because 'professional' kids on TV & stage use make up doesn't make it ok. Worried is right, they aren't Liza fecking Minnelli.

OH worked in cinematography and having to be caked in make up in order to not appear washed out under the lights is a bit of a myth. It's certainly not the make-up used for tarting up by grown ups, anyway.

therumoursaretrue Sat 27-Apr-13 17:14:59

Don't think there's anything wrong with makeup on children for a stage show.
In my experience its used to put definition in so that eyes and lips can be seen properly and don't disappear under harsh lighting and and so skin doesn't look washed out.

I have photos from ballet performances I did as a child and it doesn't even look like I had makeup on when under the lights.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Sat 27-Apr-13 17:19:41

For a show, I do think it's necessary (although at the dance school I was at, the very little ones would have face paint done, swirly patterns, flowers etc depending on the character, rather than proper stage make-up), if the lights are harsh it does make a big difference (I learned this the hard way, I looked ill).

I think you just have to treat it as part of her costume, rather than as 'make up' if that makes sense?

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 27-Apr-13 17:23:03

Yabu. Under bright stage lights without sine make up she will looked washed out and you won't be able to make out her facial features

I am ultra conservative and very anti make up but dd has worn it for ballet shows from a young age

I do dislike some of the make up some dance schools use. Her ballet school like natural foundation and rise coloured blusher and lipstick with natural eyeshadow. The first year I applied it very very lightly and realised when I watched the show that unfortunately dd looked a bit ghostlike

She's older now and did a twilight themed dance recently. For that we did the opposite and for once dusted white powder over very light foundation to create a deathly pale look!!! Coupled with purpely vampire lipstick!

squeakytoy Sat 27-Apr-13 17:23:50

It is stage makeup for a show.. I used to be in pantomimes when I was a child, run buy our church, and we all had to wear stage make up..

There is nothing sinister or unusual about it.

Startail Sat 27-Apr-13 18:18:22


Stage make up, is fun, it's dressing up, it's make believe.

I just don't get what the fuss is about. wearing make up for a dance show, a play or raiding Mum's make up scrap to play doesn't make you an orange panda teen.

Quite the reverse the over sexualised, over painted teens are the sort of girls who became embarrassed at doing doing anything like that, don't do fun and grow up to fast.

Being able to get in a stage made up and dressed up as someone your not and perform is a great confidence builder, because one day in a music exam or an interview you will have to be yourself and that really is hard.

Samnella Sat 27-Apr-13 18:47:26

I think you are conflating issues:

Facepaint = childhood fun.

Stage make up = Fine. Its for a good reason and all are partaking. If it were just the girls I would say no.

Make up on little girls in general =Is up there with 'bras' for 6 year old and t-shirts saying 'If you think I'm a bitch you should meet my mum' IMO.

These are three completely separate scenarios. For me, I dislike make up on young girls as it is about the promotion of sexualising girls at a young age and enforcing the idea they need to promote their looks in some way.

I would be happy with the other two scenarios.

Remotecontrolduck Sat 27-Apr-13 19:18:15

They need it as under the lights she'll look completely washed out and you wont be able to see her features properly

Fuss over nothing i'm afraid, I doubt they're wearing it to be pretty only, it's for a purpose.

My DD is 5 and also in a dance show in July.

She has got to have shadow, mascara, hair scraped back the lot! hmm

Its not something I'm completely happy with, but its two nights and not the end of the world wink

Flojobunny Sat 27-Apr-13 22:37:50

Thankyou. Maybe I should have bought her some seperate makeup and said "this is stage makeup" rather than slap some off mums old makeup on! I wish the show had provided 'stage makeup' rather than just said they all have to wear foundation, lipstick and eye shadow, leaving me wondering what foundation to use.

mrsjay Sun 28-Apr-13 10:52:13

Quite the reverse the over sexualised, over painted teens are the sort of girls who became embarrassed at doing doing anything like that, don't do fun and grow up to fast.

This is really interesting and I agree with you that these girls think they are too cool to have fun,

mrsjay Sun 28-Apr-13 10:53:01

flojo why dont you get her her own little make up kit just for dancing then you might feel better about it,

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Sun 28-Apr-13 11:05:05

yes get her a set as 'stage make up' only. I agree if I had a dd I would be uncomfortable with the grown up bit of make up but do understand that some little girls do like all the 'girly stuff' and want to experiment and copy mum. I know when I was little we loved wearing mums heels and dressing up and used those liquorice torpedo sweets as lipsticks grin as a plaything I don't really see the harm as long as its seen as play and not 'being grown up' or linked to body image eg: oh how pretty you look <in all that slap> etc etc

SirBoobAlot Sun 28-Apr-13 11:16:53

If it's for performance, then it's understandable. The lights make you look terrible otherwise. Still have some interesting photos of us back stage with our make up on.

I think when she says ''I look like a grown up'', I'd be tempted to say something along the lines of "You look like a star!" or whatever, rather than confirming to her that all adults wear make up.

soverylucky Sun 28-Apr-13 11:35:21

My dd's have never had to wear make up for there stage shows at a proper theatre with professional lighting. I would just not put it on. They won't be so cruel to stop her going on stage.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 12:01:24

No they won't stop her going in stage - but shell look awful. Believe me. I've been there.

SomethingOnce Sun 28-Apr-13 12:34:26

A little girl will never look awful.

mrsjay upbraided me for what I wrote earlier, but IMO saying a little girl will look awful is far worse. You might've said something about her features not standing out or something...

mrsjay Sun 28-Apr-13 12:36:02

mrsjay upbraided me for what I wrote earlier,

Im not sure what I said ?

mrsjay Sun 28-Apr-13 12:37:22

oh jailbait the musical i still stand by that I think it was awful

Mumsyblouse Sun 28-Apr-13 12:40:52

Mine have both worn full-stage make-up for ballet shows and it is disconcerting but they loved it, just as they loved the hideous sparkling tutus the dance teacher chose. One of mine has allergies though and didn't wear any make-up one year and yes, she looked very pale and odd next to the made-up children but so what? If you really don't want to do it, just don't.

SomethingOnce Sun 28-Apr-13 12:42:18

It was meant to be darkly humorous but I respect your view.

I still think it's worse to say a little girl will look awful.

Mumsyblouse Sun 28-Apr-13 12:44:10

And, I have a stage make-up kit for mine which is all my old tat/garish colours/cheap pink blusher, and it ONLY comes out two days every two years for the show. I don't find it hard to say no to a 7 and 9 year old wearing make-up normally, it's clear it is for shows only (just as face painting like butterflies can 'enhance' features but is only for parties or events).

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 12:44:32

Well dd did look awful. She looked ill. The next night I made sure I did the make up correctly.

Apart from the time she was supposed to look like a dying child (her character died at the interval) sndcthectime she was supposed to look like a vampire.

squeakytoy Sun 28-Apr-13 12:45:21

I really dont get the big deal about it.. it is just make up.. for theatrical purposes. Completely and utterly different to a child going to school wearing fake lashes and lip gloss... there is just no comparison at all.

Why would you force your child to NOT wear it, when all the rest of the show are.. making your child look and feel different to their peers. Oh yes, your kid will stand out on the photos, but not for the right reasons, and they wont thank you for it either.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 12:45:28

Incidentally dd has allergies. She can't wear face paint.

We find Grimas, Kryolan & Boots No 7 are good.

themaltesecat Sun 28-Apr-13 12:47:36

For a dance show, it's necessary.

The organisers are right, the pearl clutchers are wrong.

If you want her facial features to be discernible on the video, she needs makeup.

SomethingOnce Sun 28-Apr-13 12:55:06

As I interpreted it, the question was not whether or not the OP would BBU not to apply the makeup, but rather whether her feelings of discomfort about the issue were unreasonable.

I maintain that her feelings are not unreasonable, especially since there seems to be an idea in her DD's mind that a facefull of slap is a signifier of female adulthood.

SomethingOnce Sun 28-Apr-13 12:57:53

Lol at the idea that any deviation from agreement with the stage mothers is pearl clutching.

DowntonTrout Sun 28-Apr-13 13:03:29

My goodness, some of the replays are MN at its over zealous, pc, worst.

It's stage make up. Theatre is also completely different to tv or cinematography. You are seeing the performers at a distance, not close up as in film. The make up required is different.

Yes orange foundation, red lips and blue eyeshadow is horrid. But under stage lighting features disappear so it is normal to exaggerate features with make up. They don't need to look like that Jon Benet child.

Good idea to get a little set from Claire's or somewhere. She knows it's her stage makeup, not everyday, real life.

By the way, has anyone seen Dance Moms? That is when you need to worry.

Flojobunny Sun 28-Apr-13 13:05:02

firelight shock she had to play a dying child? Think that would be a step too far for me.
somethingonce yes I will apply it but it doesn't feel comfortable to me seeing her like that but she loves it, so you're right it was AIBU to be such a hypocrit about make up when I approve face paint.

DowntonTrout Sun 28-Apr-13 13:06:56

Replays? Replies!

By the way you are not BU to feel uncomfortable seeing her like that close up and not wanting to glamorise her. Her face won't look like that on stage though.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 13:07:24

It was in a semi professional performance of a musical called Her Benny. It tells the story of two children growing up on the streets of Victorian Liverpool. The little girl is weak and in ill health and dies despite being taken in by a kindly night watchman

My username is the song dd had to sing. Her death was a big emotional chorus number.

I was so proud.

mrspolkadotty Sun 28-Apr-13 13:08:00

DD has been dancing since she was 2, wore nothing on her face for the first 2 years as her skin was very sensitive but from age 4 she has worn stage makeup for all performances and i have no problem with that. She is now 11 and the only actual 'makeup' she wears day to day is a tinted chapstick (and thinks she is so grown up lol). Stage makeup is just that, for the stage.

DowntonTrout Sun 28-Apr-13 13:08:16

That's lovely pictures.

soverylucky Sun 28-Apr-13 13:09:23

picturesinthefirelight I can assure my dd's looked lovely as did all the children in their show. Perspectiveis needed. Are we talking about LLoyd Webber's new musical in the West End or are we talking about a local ballet school performing in the town centre theatre to an audience predominantly made up of parents, grandparents and friends.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 13:10:37

Oh and I love my weekly dose if car crash Dance Moms TV. Those mothers are do awful.

Think its why we don't do comps!

DowntonTrout Sun 28-Apr-13 13:12:18

It's not so much the mothers who are awful, well they are but that dance teacher is a monster!!!

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 13:13:03

It all depends on what lighting is used. The dance schools in our area make their shows as professional looking as ossicle

In drama however performances are much simpler using more natural lighting and minimalist staging.

SomethingOnce Sun 28-Apr-13 13:14:09

I'm sure this will come up with my own DD at some point; I won't stop her doing it but I won't like seeing it.

Facepaint is different - a pirate or a puppy design won't enforce a sense that adult women are not quite beautiful enough without an eyepatch or whiskers.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 28-Apr-13 13:17:03

I actually quite admire the teacher if you see the show in the contextcthatvthey are the elite comp kids aiming for professional careers - not the once a week for fun & friendship kids

She sticks. To her guns about hair tied back and appropriate dance wear (socks and a t shirt is dangerous for acro/gymnastics.

However I wouldn't have let dd wear that wild child costume.

The mums apart from I think the teacher one (Nia's mum) are awful especially Cathy.

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