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To feel a bit upset about friend's wedding?

(69 Posts)
slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 12:55:01

Longstanding friend of several years, I started a thread at Easter about how she and her DP were starting to be continually late (sometimes by hours) and it was really starting to hurt my feelings.

Anyway, I left it for a few weeks and then she texted me to say she wanted to meet, really exciting news. She's getting married in August in Barbados! And she really wanted us to be there.

Unfortunately, it was going to cost something like £5K for us to be there, and as we already had a holiday booked, it would've meant coming up with the money in 8 weeks; something we're just not in a position to do at the moment. She was understandably disappointed, but the whole thing made me feel like a rubbish friend, like I can't be there for her on her special day because they simply didn't give us enough notice.

I asked if she fancied going out for a meal, or if I could organise her a Hen do, or a party when they got back, but she was really non committal and 'meh' about it.

I'm really upset. She came to my wedding, and I want to do something nice for her to wish her well, but it's like because we're not coming to the wedding, it doesn't matter so just forget it.

I know I'm over reacting, but I'm really upset about it. I'm left feeling like rubbish again (although I'd never tell her) and it's like she more or less wants to brush the whole thing under the carpet?

AIBU?

YANBU!

I'd like to see most people be able or willing to come up with that sort of money for a friends wedding in a hurry. even if it had been a close family member i couldnt have gone!

i'd just not bother with her again as she is clearly very out of step with you

firesidechat Thu 25-Apr-13 13:00:38

You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.

It is a huge, huge ask to expect anyone to go to Barbados for a wedding, especially at such short notice. Please don't feel guilty.

So she was disappointed that you can't magic the money for a familty trip to Barbados and is now having a huff with you for trying to be nice?

YANBU. Your friendship sounds a little way TBH.

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 13:01:14

fairy I'm starting to feel the same way sad

I don't know if I've just taken it a bit hard and I need to get over it, or whether we're just really out of step.

I find her shockingly thoughtless sometimes; we once had to go to a mutual friend's baby shower (and this girl really needed a break and a bit of friend love), and she called me 20 minutes before I was due to pick her up and left a message on my answerphone to cancel. She didn't see the problem confused

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 13:02:26

She's not in a huff with me jammy sorry if I made it sound like that, she's just obviously not into me trying to share in her joy and organise a little party for her or something. I'd have paid for it, as well. sad

Nicolaeus Thu 25-Apr-13 13:03:01

Yanbu thats a horrendous amount of money to go to someone elses wedding!

SIL was bridesmaid for an abroad wedding. All paid for. Then they discovered that DB wasn't included in the package and would need to find 1000 pounds. They didn't go (they dont ever go on holiday as they dont have enough money). The bride sulked for a few months but got over it. Still friends 10 years later.

DiscoDonkey Thu 25-Apr-13 13:03:47

Tbh it doesn't sound like much of a friendship. Time to step back a bit and down grade her to casual acquaintance maybe?

OK, it's still very nice of you trying to make an alternative effort for her.

thefirstmrsrochester Thu 25-Apr-13 13:04:59

I think you need to drop her for the sake of your own happiness.
Utterly ridiculous to expect you up stump up 5k full stop, never mind at short notice.
I suspect she will find friends thin on the ground come her wedding day (and beyond).
Put her out your mind and enjoy your holiday.

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 13:05:19

I would never have asked for her to pay for us to go. Never. And I don't think it's selfish to want to get married abroad. It's probably simpler, in a lot of ways. But to not involve ANYONE else at all, or have a bit of a get together for the people who couldn't make it, or at least pop out for a meal makes me feel like I'm totally left out and not worthy.

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 13:06:17

thefirst no one else can afford to go. They don't hang out with many people other than us.

I feel bad dropping her without explaining, but it makes me look like a bit of an idiot tbh, doesn't it?

People change and its natural to sometimes end up not that friendly with some people. It can literally feel like a grief process tho if they were a good friend previously!

Weddings abroad are out of the reach of lots of people so you arent alone there. I think it was pretty mean of her to dismiss your other efforts to be part of her wedding experience.

Some brides seem to forget that not everybody is massively into their day tho!

EldritchCleavage Thu 25-Apr-13 13:09:54

Well, when my friend got married in Barbados (so all her relatives there could attend), it cost nowhere near £5k because she got a group deal on flights with Virgin and had booked out a couple of cheap hotels for everyone.

Your friend doesn't sound very considerate of you, to be honest.

thefirstmrsrochester Thu 25-Apr-13 13:10:36

Friends make each other feel good. She makes you feel bad. You have tried hard to compromise and it isn't good enough for her. You, in fact, are too good for her.
5k, I'm staggered tbh.

NothingsLeft Thu 25-Apr-13 13:11:06

YANBU. 5k is shed loads of cash.

Weddings abroad are great but the downside is a lot of people won't be able to afford it or want to go. I'm sure you're not the only ones not going.

A party sounds like a great idea smile

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 13:11:32

It does fairy I've been really down with it the past few days or so. It's so upsetting, I really thought we were good friends. sad

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 13:13:21

But nothings I suggested a party and she was very 'mmm yes, we'll sort out a date later' and is very non committal and just unbothered, really.

Which upsets me, because I don't think it's unreasonable to want to be a part of it.

Pandemoniaa Thu 25-Apr-13 13:15:13

YANBU. Unfortunately, it is always going to be difficult to expect all your friends to travel to a wedding in Barbados. Of course she is free to choose where and when she gets married but far-flung and expensive destinations will have a negative effect on attendance. Unless the bride and groom can afford to fly all their guests out there, of course.

DiscoDonkey Thu 25-Apr-13 13:16:07

You don't have to drop her completely just step back, let her make the effort and be less available. One of two things will happen. She will not notice or make any effort or she will maybe pull her head out her arse and realise what a good friend you are.

EldritchCleavage Thu 25-Apr-13 13:17:19

She's not that bothered about the friendship any more but hoped you'd go to bump up the numbers so they have a good crowd/audience there and aren't looking like Nick and Norma No Mates on the beach on their own with a bored local minster conducting the ceremony?

MooncupGoddess Thu 25-Apr-13 13:17:33

YANBU but she sounds quite self-absorbed (and planning a wedding tends to make people more self-absorbed rather than less).

If you still enjoy her company then I wouldn't ditch her, but do reduce your expectations or you will get hurt over and over again.

Its really not nice to feel 'dropped' by a friend. especially if you placed a high value on the relationship. but that may mean that you were the one who possibly tried to please her in the past?!

i dont mean that negatively but i've been that person and it took me a while to realise that some of my friends were getting far more out of me while i got nothing back!

quesadilla Thu 25-Apr-13 13:26:58

YANBU. By any stretch of the imagination. She sounds very immature and selfish - as has already been said, what kind of person thinks all their friends can find that kind of money at the drop of a hat?
I had a friend who organized a wedding some years ago in a lavish hotel in Cornwall which required the guests to stay for the preceding week at the hotel for an extended stag/hen. It came about a month after another friend got married in Italy and I said I couldn't afford it. He then sent me a snippy email saying how disappointed he was. I never replied and haven't spoken to him since. People who make no attempt to consider whether others are going to be ruined financially stretched by their weddings don't deserve their friends.

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 14:19:13

I just feel really left out. She said she understood we couldn't go etc, and was disappointed but nice enough about it.

I just feel that by not sharing in any way with us their day, it's a bit selfish and undermines years of friendship.

Like I said, I've offered a party or a night out (I'll organise and fund!) so that everyone can say congratulations. But no, she's just really non committal and uninterested. sad

fluffiphlox Thu 25-Apr-13 14:27:48

This is a bit off-piste, but the West Indies is very humid in August. So I'm not sure you're missing much. Also the hurricane season I think, too.

EmmaBemma Thu 25-Apr-13 14:28:56

I can understand why you're upset. It really sounds like she doesn't value your friendship very much or perhaps she is just a bit thoughtless in general.

MooncupGoddess Thu 25-Apr-13 14:31:18

Maybe, for whatever reason, she just doesn't want a party or night out? She is allowed to say no, you know.

YANBU. But do remember that, in the run up to weddings, some brides/grooms get totally blinkered and forgot that there's anyone else to consider for their 'special day.' This really, really bugs me.

None of my friends can afford to stump up huge lumps of cash for other folks' weddings. I certainly can't. A friend of mine got married last year in the Highlands (not as much of a trek as Barbados, I know wink but a day long car journey either side and very remote) and it ended up costing me and my other friends so much - several nights' accommodation, car hire, petrol, not to mention present, outfit, food and drinks etc. Bride was adamant that they would never get married anywhere else because it was her and her DH's favourite place in the country. Fair dos, but my favourite place is Paris and if I was going to get married there, I wouldn't expect guests to want to pay for it. When me and DH got married last year, we did it in the city centre, so it was in easy reach of all our guests.

In other words, don't take it personally. You won't be the only one who's been inconvenienced by her decision. Re: organising a party, again don't take that personally. You might have been the third person that day to tell her you couldn't make the wedding and she was feeling a bit crappy as a result. Why not chat with your mutual friends to see what you can do, and then approach her? But if she continues to be non-commital, just leave it - you'll have tried your best.

SpanishFly Thu 25-Apr-13 14:51:59

similar thing happened with my friend - her DH was asked to be best man at a wedding in Vegas, but HE was expected to pay to go. He had no desire to go to Vegas, and since they didnt have much cash at that time, he wasnt prepared to spend the only savings they had to go. His friend was not impressed about this, but they are still friends today. This was 9 yrs ago. But to this day I have no idea why people getting married abroad expect their best man to pay to go too.
I get similarly annoyed about people who have hen parties in Paris etc, expecting everyone to stump up cash to celebrate with them

SpanishFly Thu 25-Apr-13 14:54:03

why not offer to have them over for dinner, and make them a special meal, have nice wine etc, and tell her how disappointing it is for you not to be there.
Give her "something borrowed" or buy her something blue, and tell her you hope she wears it so you feel part of things, as she's such a dear friend etc etc.
If she's still weird after that, then she's not worth it.

ENormaSnob Thu 25-Apr-13 14:58:24

Yanbu in not going to Barbados

Yabu to put the pressure on re organising her a hen do and party.

Maybe she's getting married abroad to avoid all that shit.

AThingInYourLife Thu 25-Apr-13 14:59:39

What ENorma said

lightrain Thu 25-Apr-13 15:05:00

In the nicest possible way, I think yabu. It's her wedding day, she should get to chose what she wants to do. If that's a wedding abroad, as long as she's not being grumpy/ off with you because you can't make it (which you've said she's not - disappointed but nice about the fact you can't make it you say) then I think you just have to accept that that's the wedding she wants. It is her wedding after all - so you might feel left out but it is about her and her husband to be, not you (sorry - I don't mean to sound rude but it is).

I didn't read the previous thread so maybe there's previous stuff that's tainting your view now, but thinking about the wedding thing in isolation, I think she is entitled to do what she wants for her wedding, provided she's not then going to go all bridezilla at you when you say you can't come.

It's really hard organising a wedding - everyone seems to get offended whatever you chose (I didn't have a destination wedding by the way, but 2 of my close friends did and whilst its sad that I couldn't be there on their days, they understood why i couldn't make it and I never felt that they were trying to exclude me in any way at all, they were just doing what they wanted to do and so they should, on their wedding day). In my experience, its incredibly stressful and actually impossible to try to keep everyone happy. For example, I remember one elderly relative complaining loudly at my wedding about the type of tea that was offered after the meal! As thought it was a criminal act to have pg tips instead of typhoo (or whatever, you get the idea).....

Cherriesarelovely Thu 25-Apr-13 15:05:25

Sorry Slatternly, don't have time to read whole thread but just wanted to say that of course YANBU!!!! Fwiw nobody I know would have 5k to spend on a holiday at that short notice or in fact at any sort of notice. It is a huge amount of money. Fair enough, she and her DP want to get married there, good for them but I honestly couldn't do that knowing that none of my friends could actually afford to come. Sorry she is being a bit meh with you, that must hurt.

MrsSchadenfreude Thu 25-Apr-13 15:06:46

Getting married in Barbados and expects you to schlep your tuchas all the way over there? YANBU, she is taking the fucking piss.

Floralnomad Thu 25-Apr-13 15:10:18

TBH it sounds like you value her as a friend a lot more than she values you . Indeed from your posts it sounds like she's the same with other friends as well ( re the friend with the baby) . I think you should stop worrying about it and her ,stay friendly but on your terms . And maybe I'm odd but I don't have any friends where I'd spend that kind of money to go to their wedding

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 25-Apr-13 15:39:51

Gosh even with tons of notice I think being expected to stump up £5K would be a huge ask.

Whatever you do don't run yourself ragged trying to 'make up' for the fact you don't have that sort of money lying around handy.

Sounds like this friendship has run its course, she may just be integrating with her fiancé's group of friends or wholly intent on carving out a new social life. Are you just noticing the change in tone this year or has it actually been developing over time, have you had as much in common the past couple of years as you used to?

I'd say you've offered to hold a party etc and she doesn't want that so don't offer anything more.

Maybe it's not her cup of tea so don't beat yourself up about it!

Snazzynewyear Thu 25-Apr-13 16:29:05

YANBU of course not to have £5K lying around to spend on going to Barbados at short notice, regardless of whose wedding it is.

YAB a bit U about the 'she is not bothered about me offering to organise a party' stuff. I actually think this is consistent with the rest of her behaviour because it's basically another event where, if she isn't totally in the driving seat, she doesn't want to know. I think you're then frustrated that you don't get to demonstrate to her (and everyone else) what a good friend you really are. But tbh I'd just be grateful that you've got out of doing it, as I'm sure it would have been annoying in itself. Just back off now completely, send her a nice card and modest gift, and let her come back to you if she wants to have any more wedding-related discussions/nights out. You are going to be better off in the long-term backing off from this friendship and, as others have said, lowering your expectations.

Pandemoniaa Thu 25-Apr-13 17:12:24

I'd not get upset about her not wanting you to organise a party. Only this really might be one of the factors involved in deciding to get married in Barbados. Not everyone wants parties back home or hen nights (and I can understand why) but her disinterest in this doesn't mean she's rejecting your friendship.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Apr-13 17:16:34

My money's on her having to change her plans. Barbados - that's insane.

teacher123 Thu 25-Apr-13 17:16:42

You are basically upset that she is not more upset that you can't come to her wedding.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Apr-13 17:21:34

And yes, at that time of the year - Hurricanes. Frankly, it's probably cheap for HER at that time of the year, even though it's going to cost everyone else loads.

justmyview Thu 25-Apr-13 17:28:18

I think YABitU - she's not complaining that you're not going to Barbados. It's kind of you to offer to host a party for her, but she's under no obligation to take you up on that

specialsubject Thu 25-Apr-13 17:31:40

nothing wrong with a destination wedding - but don't expect many people there unless you pay for them to go.

she needs to grow up and use her brains, sounds a total airhead. Lose her and don't spend any more time or effort on her.

mrspaddy Thu 25-Apr-13 17:40:34

I am totally going to be honest here.. she doesn't want people at her wedding. It is her right of course but if she truly wanted her closest friends at her wedding, she would have some kind of little celebration at home too (doesn't have to be expensive at all). The fact that she is getting married in a big hurry hundreds of miles away and refuses to let you have a little hen for her says a lot. I would love a friend like you but I think you are overthinking it. Leave her be.. give her a token gift and card. Wish her well. But don't beat yourself up about it. I really wanted a foreign intimate wedding but stayed at a local venue because it meant more to have the people I wanted there.

pippop1 Thu 25-Apr-13 17:41:05

To cheer yourself up (and if you like shopping), buy her an extra nice wedding gift. As you won't have to buy new clothes or travel to the wedding you can feel that you've done your very best.

I thought that part of the idea of getting married abroad was to save money on the catering /venue as many less people will come!

Maybe I'm just old and cynical.

ButternutSquish Thu 25-Apr-13 17:49:28

YANBU to not to able to make it over to Barbados. I recently got married and we were lucky enough to honeymoon in St Lucia. There were lots of people getting married & nearly every couple were either there on their own or just had a couple of people with them. I would be very surprised to hear they had lots of people join them.

YANBU to be disappointed that she's not that interested in having a party but in the run up to a wedding things all go a bit crazy. Everyone wants a piece of you and some (family) people seem to completely lose all common sense and brain power (do you think I'll need a jacket? Will the weather be good? When will the cake be served...ahhhhhh!!!) She may be silently pulling her hair out, or she might just not be as good a friend as you thought she was. Weddings do have a tendency to bring all these things out.

Wish her well & send her a nice card with a gift. When she comes back from honeymoon offer again and maybe she'll be more receptive smile

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 25-Apr-13 17:51:04

I remember your other thread and she doesn't sound like a very good friend to you unfortunately.

That aside - you absolutely cannot be annoyed if a friend doesn't come to your wedding abroad! She is crazy! I'd think it was cheeky to ask people to pay for a trip to Europe, let alone farther afield!

My only query would be the £5000 figure - where is this from? That's a hell of a lot for economy, low season flights. I think you could go for a lot less.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 25-Apr-13 17:55:06

Just checked BA's website and it's approx £600 return for flights May - October, so £1200 for you and a partner. If I were you, I probably wouldn't want to go now anyway, but I think the £5000 was a gross overestimation and if cost is what's putting you off, here's a cheaper way to go. Good luck, whatever you decide.

expatinscotland Thu 25-Apr-13 18:03:23

She takes the piss out of your time by being continually late, expects you to magic up over a thousand pounds for her wedding and then takes the huff with you when you try to be nice?

She's no friend, OP.

Find a real one!

TheCraicDealer Thu 25-Apr-13 18:04:37

You only get married (for the first time, anyway) once, but people have to be guests over and over again. It's unreasonable to expect other people to care as much as you do about your day.

She's can be pissy all she likes. If you drop her she'd be losing a good mate; you'd be losing an emotional millstone.

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 19:12:57

wibbly we also have a DC and though I didn't check BA's flights, it was around £2400 alone for flights, then plus a hotel and any expenses, plus DC needs passport... I'm not making excuses, I have checked it out and it's just so much money.

I do appreciate what you're saying though thanks

fluffiphlox Thu 25-Apr-13 19:14:27

We went on holiday to St Lucia about 25 years ago. I thought the weddings on the beach were the naffest things going. The wedding party (all pink and sweaty) were gawped at by people in swimsuits. I don't know if things have changed but as I said in my earlier post, you're not missing anything. It's very unreasonable to expect people to fly thousands of miles at their own expense. But maybe she's just going through the motions and doesn't actually want many guests hence the trip..

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 25-Apr-13 19:19:43

Find some new friends that are real friends.

Getting married abroad is selfish unless you are paying for the guests in full. Annual leave is also very precious to some people so thats another big ask.

I wouldnt pay £5k to attend a wedding of a friend, simply not worth it.

slatternlymother Thu 25-Apr-13 19:20:49

Maybe fluffi, I don't know...

It was all really sudden and I just wish they'd said they were thinking of it so we could've put some money aside sad

I will be nice, and send a card and modest gift, but I will be investing time in my other friends, who heard how down I was feeling and came round last night with a big bunch of my favourite flowers, wine and chocolates grin

So I am valued and wanted, just not really by this other friend. I hate quietly dropping people. I do. sad

expatinscotland Thu 25-Apr-13 21:06:18

'I will be nice, and send a card and modest gift, but I will be investing time in my other friends, who heard how down I was feeling and came round last night with a big bunch of my favourite flowers, wine and chocolates '

Why bother? Treat yourself and your family to a little something instead.

teacher123 Thu 25-Apr-13 21:14:54

I am going to get flamed probably for this, but why on earth do you need flowers and chocolates from other friends to make up for not being able to go to a wedding?!

Unless there is a whole load of back story I don't understand what you're so upset about. Friend has arranged last minute expensive wedding abroad, you've said you can't go. She's said that's fine. I honestly truly really truly don't get why you're so upset not to be sharing in her day. Weddings are quite boring. She doesn't want a big fuss/hen do in England, that's probably why she's getting married abroad. If she'd been insisting you stump up thousands of pounds you couldn't afford to attend, THAT would be unreasonable. I am sorry you're feeling upset about it, but in the nicest possible way, her wedding isn't about you.

Springdiva Thu 25-Apr-13 21:30:34

You have a whole lifetime of married life ahead of her to make up.

Just have her round for a nice meal and champagne when they come back.

Or a posh meal out or whatever.

You must feel much more emotionally involved in the wedding process than I am.

MummytoKatie Thu 25-Apr-13 21:30:54

She generally sounds a nightmare but I do have a suggestion about why she doesn't't want a hen do etc. could it be that she just doesn't like fuss.

Personally I hate fuss and I'm 8 months pregnant and have some lovely lovely friends who really really want make it big fuss of me. We have compromised. I'm not having a work leaving do (finished today, worked late, got the bus home quietly) but we did have a meal out last night (as we do quite regularly).

I've agreed to the baby shower but it is going to just be a very quiet one at one of my friend's houses involving sitting on the sofa drinking wine (or elderflower cordial in my case) and gossiping as we also do regularly. (Although apparently there will be blue cake - I'm having a boy.)

Not saying your friend is like that but she may be. I really appreciate that my friends are so lovely and want to do such lovely things for me but I would much rather it be someone else we made a big fuss about.

(Incidentally my hen do was carefully arranged for a like-minded friends 21st birthday on the grounds that we could then each deflect the attention to a certain extent!)

Snazzynewyear Thu 25-Apr-13 21:41:44

I think you need to reflect on why you feel so guilty (unnecessarily) about anything you do which is less than completely indulgent towards this particular 'friend'. It may be a history you have with her, or with other people that has made you feel that if you ever say 'no' or 'that's not doable' you feel terrible about it and feel you have to go to some trouble to make it up to her. But it is something in you that needs addressing IMO. She doesn't sound like a good friend to me, but something about her clearly hits a nerve that makes you feel guilty and 'not good enough' and I think it would help you to understand that and work on getting over it.

MissLurkalot Thu 25-Apr-13 21:43:24

I understand why you're upset, especially at her 'meh' reaction to you organising something.

I wouldn't walk away yet..

I think it's worth trying again...

I don't what exactly, but I've let friendships drift in the past, and, although this friend is all a bit 'her', especially with wedding fever. I would give her another chance.

Maybe your friendship has changed, that's life... But, it doesn't mean you should let it drift.

In this case, I don't think she deserves you walking away from her, especially on the build up to her wedding.

I think you need to toughen up to be honest. And think, 'ooh, she's a bit bridezilla, but hey... aren't/weren't we all?'

expatinscotland Thu 25-Apr-13 21:45:31

It's far from just the wedding, though. The friend doesn't give much about a fart about the OP from the sound of it in the past.

NoelHeadbands Thu 25-Apr-13 21:52:48

I'm with teacher. Don't get it, sorry

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 25-Apr-13 22:01:01

YANBU to not go to the wedding. Definitely. And the constant lateness sounds intensely irritating. Maybe you just don't need her in your life.

But YABU to feel so upset just because she wasn't frothing with excitement about your meal/party idea.

It's her celebration and she can do what she likes. Its sounds like she was pretty calm about you not going to Barbados. Why should she then immediately placate you by embracing your idea?!

And - another friend rushing around with wine and chocolates to soothe you because your friend wasn't enthusiastic about something you wanted to do for her wedding? That portrays you as as self-absorbed as she is I'm afraid.

zipzap Thu 25-Apr-13 22:04:07

Does she have some sort of fear of being in crowds or with lots of people around? Maybe she chose barbados so she could avoid having even a relatively small event that she would maybe felt pressured into having if she got married at home...

which would also explain why she is not good at going out - maybe she always thinks that this time she will manage to do it but when the time comes she really struggles and as such is either late or a no show.

which makes it all about her rather than you...

DeepRedBetty Thu 25-Apr-13 22:10:03

I'm seeing the friend who rushed round with wine and choccies as being one of us, delighted that slatternly has finally had the balls to say 'no' to SelfAbsorbedBitch 'friend'.

Callthemidlife Fri 26-Apr-13 05:13:03

You may enjoy pointing out to her that it usually pisses with rain, for days on end during the wet season. The flash floods can make the pavements knee deep within minutes. Sometimes August can be nice, but often you will hear the rain start around 3am, hit a crescendo around 11am then ease of to a constant drizzle until it picks up again at around 4pm. Most of the hotels on the west coast (the nice bit, where the A- listers go) close completely leaving only the hotels on the south coast open (around st Lawrence gap/Hastings/Brighton). If you friend is going t one of these she may find her Caribbean trip feeling remarkably like torremelinos. The beaches are beautiful,, but if its raining and the hotel is doing 'buffet' every night (because too quiet to open the main restaurant) it won't be fun.

The hurricane risk is actually minimal, but perhaps once a month all the shops and businesses close down whilst a storm passes, just in case.

Don get me wrong, Barbados is great. I love going there. But I only go in August if I have renovating or decorating to do. If you absolutely must go to the Caribbean in August then an island with more Caribbean flavour would be better, because Barbados is only really knock-your-socks-off kicking when it is busy, whereas some of the other islands are still oozing with charm even when they're quiet. But f course the hurricane risk is higher on other islands.

5k by the way is a reasonable budget for 4 flights plus spending, hotel. You won't come in much cheaper.

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