To regret booking this holiday? (intense dread)

(112 Posts)
MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 12:41:46

Basically, we've booked up to go to Florida with some friends for 10 days in September. We booked it last September.

My friends have three DCs, 12, 7 and 3... and since we booked up, the three year old has become really horrible. I know it's bad form to slate kids off on MN but I find him really unbearable. He comes to my house quite often and trashes the place. Crisps stamped into carpets, drinks thrown around, pulling cat's tail, hitting me, hitting his mum, helping himself to food... I know that this could be typical toddler behaviour but my friends just let him do these things. No parenting, no discipline given. They'll happily sit and watch as I am on hands and knees picking up soggy cakes from under sofa or trying to get him to stop tormenting the cat.

I don't think that we are in for a relaxing ten days. I am starting to wish we'd never booked up. Is there a way we can get out of it? AIBU?

5Foot5 Wed 24-Apr-13 12:46:43

Do you have kids youself? If not what on earth possessed you to go on holiday, any holiday, with people who do? grin

Seriously it might not be that bad. When you are away you won't be in your own house so any mess or destruction he will be creating is someone else's problem. Leave your friends to deal with him.

If it starts to get to you then possibly you and your DP could arrange to have some time for just the two of you away from the family so you get a break.

ajandjjmum Wed 24-Apr-13 12:47:20

Will you have independent accommodation, or are you sharing?

redskyatnight Wed 24-Apr-13 12:52:28

1. You'll be in Florida. He'll have lots to keep him busy and be shattered the rest of the time.
2. His behaviour may well have improved before September.

MoaneyMcmoanmoan Wed 24-Apr-13 12:55:00

Put sedatives in his sippy cup.
Only joking. I do hope you have separate rooms in a hotel, and aren't sharing a mahoosive house together?
Maybe all the children will go off and play together and the older ones will keep him in line <hopeful>

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 12:55:18

Yes, I have DC 5foot grin I'm not that mad wink

We are sharing accomodation sad <no escape>

lottieandmia Wed 24-Apr-13 12:57:04

I think it'll be ok as it won't be in your home. And yes, children of this age do go through awful phases and suddenly turn into a little angel for a few months.

SavoyCabbage Wed 24-Apr-13 12:58:41

Just say "we are doing xyz tomorrow, what are you going to do?"

MissSusan Wed 24-Apr-13 12:58:51

September is a way off yet, he might come out the other end by then. You could always go off and do your own thing and just use accommodation as a base.
Gosh the worst bit will probably be the flight - sit well away from them.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:00:00

Oh and he has also taken to doing this screaming/squealing noise when he wants something/can't get his own way. It is a delightful noise.

Hullygully Wed 24-Apr-13 13:00:21

1. Go to the Everglades

2. Feed him accidentally to an alligator

<helpful>

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:06:07

I am considering dipping his beloved "gwapes" into a medised syrup before he starts eating them then spitting them out everywhere...

Hullygully Wed 24-Apr-13 13:06:46

why doesn't his dear mumsy say anything?

ChairmanWow Wed 24-Apr-13 13:08:13

Eeek. Maybe you need to set some ground rules. If his parents won't set boundaries I'd just step in - eg if he hits one of your DC ask him to stop and apologise, ask him to pick up his mess etc.

I have a friend whose toddler (2 yo) is the same. She absolutely trashed my house yesterday including chucking around freshly sterilised bottles and walking all over my 4 week old's baby gym with muddy boots on, getting all of my DS's toys out and throwing some of them across the room, chucking crisps everywhere. I was shock when they left just before I picked DS up from nursery without offering to help tidy up.

I've vowed not to put up with it again. I'll be intervening to stop her messing about and they'll be asked to help tidy before they leave. I don't have any truck with people who think its acceptable to let their kids run riot so I'd suggest the same.

Or dump your kids on them and spend the whole 10 days drunk.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:10:48

CBA, too much effort... who can say?

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:12:11

ChairmanWow shock It makes your piss boil, don't it?

I do ask him to pick up the shit he drops everywhere and he just goes "NO" before screaming... God, my heart rate is going up just thinking about him...

bigTillyMint Wed 24-Apr-13 13:15:27

Do you think he may have some special needs or do you think he is just going through a phase or do you think he is poorly parented?

everlong Wed 24-Apr-13 13:17:24

Oh lord.

You are going to have to book another accommodation for just your family or suck it up.

Holidays with friends and their kids often end with big fall outs.

But tbh if one of my mates came round with a dc that stamped food in the carpet, threw drinks, pulled the cats tail, hit me etc and the parents didn't say anything I couldn't and wouldn't keep my trap shut.

What were you thinking?

AnonYonimousBird Wed 24-Apr-13 13:18:12

OP - 5 months is a long time, he could be out of this terrible phase.

Also, you have 5 months to work on getting his CBA lazy parents to get a bloody grip!!!!

Without meaning to scare you too much - I went away with kids to Florida - one being 3 you and a total nightmare.
Parents didn't discipline well at all.
It was awful some days and probably one of the worst holidays I've ever had.
But... you live and learn!

TheRealFellatio Wed 24-Apr-13 13:19:58

Oh dear. I assume it's too late to cancel without losing a ton of money? and if you pull it out may mean they can't go either, as the cost of the house will no longer be split.

I think you need to have a rule that you do not spend all day every day together, and that you spend the day apart, you meet up for dinner, or if you spend the morning together you are out of one another's hair after lunch. If you are doing all the theme parks etc, then that is exhausting at the best of times - it will be unbearable if you are having to bite your tongue and pander to a stroppy child who you cannot tell off, every minute of the day.

TheRealFellatio Wed 24-Apr-13 13:21:04

I think I'd be seriously looking at a way to pull out though. sounds like an utter nightmare waiting to happen.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:23:25

bigTilly, hard to say at this age but I suspect it's poor parenting. As much as I do love my friends, they are very passive parents. He is allowed to kick, punch, bite them and they just smile benignly at him. confused

hells, that is my fear! sad

If it all gets too much, I think we will be doing what you said, Fell', and sloping off to look at something else without them...

Gerrof Wed 24-Apr-13 13:24:15

Marmalade you will be near that kid on a plane for 10 hours or so.

CocacolaMum Wed 24-Apr-13 13:24:22

He's 3. There are enough months between now and Sept to be able to retrain him.

My nephews and nieces can be a nightmare for their parents but I have looked after them often enough through these phases for them to know better than to try their shit on with me. One refuses point blank to eat certain foods at home - he has learnt if he tries that here then he gets no treats. So he doesn't bother arguing.

I am in NO way a perfect parent or anything like that but I do think you need to be firm on this, or just suck it up and turn to the drink :p

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:26:45

Gerrof, you are being very helpful. thanks bastard woman

I know, I know September is a way off, time to reset his batteries but no-one is doing any resetting! Harumph.

Yes Cocacola, I am planning on being in a gin-induced coma for much of the time wink

bigTillyMint Wed 24-Apr-13 13:27:30

Oh dear! I fear this will be the end of your friendship with the parents.

Could you volunteer to be in charge of the older children so that his parents can go and do toddler friendly stuff with him? And timetable in time with just your own family.

landofsoapandglory Wed 24-Apr-13 13:30:38

Can you not pre book your seats now and accidentally not tell your friends in the hope they get put up the other end of the plane?

TheRealFellatio Wed 24-Apr-13 13:30:50

We went on holiday with my DSis and her DH and two toddlers when my eldest was 2, and they were 3 and 4. They were a bit out of control and very poorly disciplined, and it all ended up in a massive screaming match between all four adults.

At one point my nephew (4) started playing with another child's toys on the beach (bucket, spade, sand moulds etc) and the other child happily let him, while he sat with his parents.

My sis wanted to take her her DCs back to the apartment for lunch and a sleep (about 5 minute walk away) and my nephew kicked up a stink about having to leave the toys behind, so my DSis LET HIM TAKE THE TOYS WITH HIM.shock

shock Yes! she just muttered, 'Oh ok then, but we must bring them back later - they don't belong to us.' Anything to avoid having to deal with her tantrumming child.

We stayed on the beach for a bit, and had the lovely job of explaining to the other family who came looking for their toys when they wanted to leave, that my nephew had actually been allowed to take them home. blushhmm I was mortified. My DH was FURIOUS.

That was just one of the antics they pulled. It was the longest fucking week of my life.

We had a horrendous falling out with the family we were holidaying with once. It ended when our family stormed out early one morning half way through the three weeks that we had stupidly committed ourselves to.

Live and learn.

But we didn't get annoyed with their horrible kids . I think you can cope with kid mess and noise if it isn't your own home. Plus, you can disappear off for the day/evening if it gets too much. Which you can' t do if he is trashing your own living room.

Chin up - he'll have probably outgrown some of this messy crap behaviour by then.

TheRealFellatio Wed 24-Apr-13 13:32:34

Is the holiday insured? Can you feign some illness at the last minute and not go?

everlong Wed 24-Apr-13 13:32:49

If your dc are similar ages they will start to copy him.

Then you will end up blowing.

I have an acquaintance that has two dc brats they come over occasionally. They are rude, snatch, shout and disobey their mother.

All the while ds is watching.
I get down on their level and very calmly but firmly tell them that they cannot behave like this at my house. Seems to work.

Speak to your friend.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:37:41

"Can you not pre book your seats now and accidentally not tell your friends in the hope they get put up the other end of the plane?"

That is an amazing idea. I am going to look into that now. It will be money well-spent!

Fell', sounds a fahking nightmare, mate. At least when it's fahmily, you can vent off a bit. It's harder with friends, do you think? Not that I am minimising what you went through. The beach thing sounds like something that Cake Crusher would do tbh. He is such a little bell-end. Flame me, I don't care.

Thankfully, mine is older and doesn't have any truck with petulant tantrummers.

Doha Wed 24-Apr-13 13:41:09

We went on holiday once to Malta with friends. It was awful, their Ds was a 4 year old spoiled brat who had been given no boundries and the other DH was drunk picking fight with other people every night. My DH had to put him to bed on one or 2 occasions, l did not go near him as hir temper was dreadful.
we lasted the holiday (just) and that was the end of the friendship. I don't think we spoke again.
PS The other DH is currently serving a 12 year stretch for assault/attempted murder shock

noneshallsleep2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:41:44

We've done a number of trips away with groups of families, and each family is somewhere different on the strictness spectrum (there are some families that are much stricter than us, and others who are much less so). When you are on holiday (as opposed to in your own house) you just have to take the attitude that (unless he is hitting you!) it is not your problem - in the shared accommodation, if he drops something, it is not for you to pick it up. It's harder if you have children around the same age as they realise they are being treated differently ("Why can X get down from the table if I can't?") but you just have to remind yourself it's only 10 days, and you will be in the sunshine!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:42:55

Doha, WTF?! shock

Did you holiday with Frank Gallagher?!

Doha Wed 24-Apr-13 13:49:19

His DW went into hiding with DS, we moved house to get away from him and his family after he attempted to drive his car up our path to ram our front door ( his wife had fled to us). We had refused to have anything to do with him after the holiday but felt sorry for my DF who was married to him. So we took her in overnight but he guessed where she was.
He appeared to all intents and purposes a really nice guy but behind this facade he was an evil bastard.

Cerisier Wed 24-Apr-13 13:49:47

What happened Laura? You can't leave us all in suspense!

CocacolaMum Wed 24-Apr-13 13:50:24

woah, he sounds like a charmer Doha! Glad the animal is locked up

Doha Wed 24-Apr-13 13:50:28

Thereafter we vowed never to go on holiday again with friends!!

TheRealFellatio Wed 24-Apr-13 13:54:12

My God, if I had to be on holiday with someone that wanted to fight everyone I'd have to pack up and go home. The shame!

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 13:56:05

God Doha, that sounds terrible! sad shock brew

FWIW, my friends themselves are actually lovely. Real do anything for you types and I am really close to the woman. I'm not worried about them ram-raiding my house or owt grin

I've done holidays with other friends before and everything has gone nicely.

monsterchild Wed 24-Apr-13 13:58:50

OP, I think you need to set some ground rules now with your friends, so that you aren't discussing this in Florida. Decide how you're going to deal with these issues now, so that when the vacation comes everyone is (hopefully) on the same page or at least knows what to expect!

Start disciplining the terror when he comes to your house so that he begins to at least respect you and what you say, that may help his behavior on the trip.

ScrambledSmegs Wed 24-Apr-13 14:05:08

What are their older children like?

You could try banging on about 1-2-3 Magic or similar to your mates, and how it's helped you. But I suspect that may be too PA. So I can only suggest the last resort

trikken Wed 24-Apr-13 14:07:16

Sounds like it might b a tough holiday. I will b having a horrible holiday that mil booked for the whole family with alcohol bil coming along who becomes agressive when he has been drinking, so am realky hoping he doesnt start a fight/get arrested during our holiday. I dont know why she wants the whole family as dh and bil rarely get along and bil and step-fil actively dislike eachother. Two rooms between three couples and our kids will be very interesting.

trikken Wed 24-Apr-13 14:08:51

Alcoholic* bil even

TSSDNCOP Wed 24-Apr-13 14:22:54

The plane part is easy outbound, but you'll need to think about inbound too Marmalade. Make sure you priority book both ways!

If it helps DS was a horror at 3, he got his 2's late. Probably be a sweetheart by September.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 14:30:10

grin at Scarmbled and the restraints. The older DCs are boisterous but don't really have the malevolent streak that the little one seems to have. You can at least reason with the elder ones but they will not be an ally of me.

ChairmanWow Wed 24-Apr-13 14:39:37

I like monster's idea. Start letting the little fecker ( and his wet parents) that he doesn't get to arse around when he's at your place. But really the only thing that will help you keep your sanity and your friendships is to stay out of their way as much as possible.

It really is making my piss boil reading about all these lazy parents (and attempted murderers shock). Still, you reap what you sow. I've seen the results with a friend's teenage 'D'S. He is a horrible, spoilt little bastard. He treats his parents like shit and has no respect for them, down to graffiting '[mum's name] is a bitch' on their front wall.

BellaVita Wed 24-Apr-13 14:46:44

Rather you than me Marmalade <helpful> grin

God, that plane journey IS going to be a bloody nightmare. If you are flying Virgin, you can book your seats 90 days in advance so I would diarise it now and they also provide free drinks which I would make the most of....

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 14:54:58

"down to graffiting '[mum's name] is a bitch' on their front wall."

Sorry that is awful but it did make me do a shocked guffaw shock grin What a rotter! Like a little David Platt with a spraycan!

ENormaSnob Wed 24-Apr-13 15:16:56

Can't you buy a taser gun in America?

ChairmanWow Wed 24-Apr-13 15:25:32

Like a little David Platt with a spraycan!. I just LOLed!

Twatkins whilst you have my deepest sympathies at what you have to face I am loving this thread. It's giving me a great place to vent about one of my pet hates. There are loads of lazy parents round here who are just too wet to challenge their hideous little darlings but hide behind middle class parenting bollocks about them being little people and having rights. Those rights being focused around hitting, answering back and generally getting on the rest of the world's tits. Boundaries please people. Better for all concerned, including your little precious.

<and relax>

FWIW OP been on loads more holidays with the family and had brilliant times. Their DC are fantastic now!!!

bigTillyMint Wed 24-Apr-13 15:28:13

I think the 10hour flight will be the least of your problemswink

Crinkle77 Wed 24-Apr-13 15:31:13

It's not really the child's fault if the parents have not disciplined him

magimedi Wed 24-Apr-13 15:34:06

This thread has made me laugh but seriously you are going to have to do/say something before September or you are just going to have a miserable time. You say that the mum is lovely & a good friend, if so why not just tell her (gently) that you & your DH find little 3yr old a little shit somewhat challenging with his tantrums etc & ask her what she is doing about it. Frankly, one way or the other I suspect that this could be the end of a friendship, either before or after the holiday.

mrsjay Wed 24-Apr-13 15:35:33

rent seperate(sp) cars if you dont pick up after the 3 yr old and do your own thing some days if they are going out stay at the villa or wherever by the pool to avoid spending every minute with them your own children will have a ball you wont notice the 3 yr old just do things alongside them and not with them ,

mrsjay Wed 24-Apr-13 15:36:09

if you can*

quoteunquote Wed 24-Apr-13 15:37:15

Up grade, so you do not arrive frazzled, at either end.

As suggested up thread, "We are doing this tomorrow, what are you doing?"

If you are heading to the same place, say "We will meet you there",

'Shall we meet for lunch,ring us when you start thinking about it" then everyone can then go at their own pace.

buy local pay as you sims, when they arrive (some hours later) then you can all meet up.

book a days air boating (find a decent company, that will show you the amazing bird and wildlife), no one silly enough to take a three year old on an air boat,

The parks you will be on different rides,

It will be hot, so he may nap in the afternoons,

Make sure you have separate hire cars,

the beaches are huge,

it's really cheap to eat out, cheaper than cooking at home, so hopefully by the time you are back in the evening he will be in bed, drink lots of wine, leave early in the morning so as to make the best of attractions, if you arrive at the parks really early you beat the traffic and get to park by the entrance not a mile away and have to get the transport.

make sure you discuss before you go, how you expect to be passing ships as obviously trying to do everything together will never work, and it would be unfair on them having to make a three year old keep up.

hopefully you will be able to sit and enjoy a glass of wine in the evening by the pool and swap stories.

take ear plugs, and eye masks, Florida architecture is usually generous, so you should't get disturbed in the mornings.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 24-Apr-13 15:46:32

fab post by quote I might hire you for knowledge if I ever got to Florida. grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 15:55:14

"Can't you buy a taser gun in America?"

grin

Thanks for the helpful post, quote smile

Branleuse Wed 24-Apr-13 15:56:46

I think you need to book separate accommodation but nearby/ next door. More expensive but to go all the way to Florida and stay with them is a hell of a risk. it's crazy and you'll regret it.

just tell them you still want to go on holiday with them but you've decided that you'll need your own space too for the sake of the kids etc. best of both worlds and then don't back down

bigTillyMint Wed 24-Apr-13 15:57:23

I agree - great advice quote

Are you very good friends? I fell out with a friend I used to holiday with as her dd was a gigantic pain in the arse, and I wear my feelings writ large on my face.

He may have improved by September.

You have a couple of months to work on your death stare. And I agree, make sure they come round to yours a couple of times before the holiday so you can make your ground rules clear.

JenaiMorris Wed 24-Apr-13 16:09:25

Fellatio's beach toy tale is the most shocking thing I have EVER read on MN.

My face is literally shock

Marm, what are the older two like? What were they like when they were 3?

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 16:13:53

Jenai, they've always been, erm, challenging but they don't seem to have the dead-behind-the-eyes thing going on the the littlest does. I used to look after the middle one a fair bit and I could reason with him and get him to pick up mushed-up food without too much of a struggle. I actually like the eldest two, but yeah, they've always been a handful.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 16:16:08

"Fellatio's beach toy tale is the most shocking thing I have EVER read on MN."

He sounds a shoe-in for a future Hitler...

Dubjackeen Wed 24-Apr-13 16:18:27

No real advice to offer that hasn't already been given. It may be worthwhile starting now to address his behaviour in your home, making it clear that you don't tolerate certain things. Maybe that would open your friend's eyes a little? The holiday could well be the end of your friendship unless ground rules are set down beforehand. Ten days of that would be very wearing indeed. I feel sorry for kids who aren't given boundaries. It really sets them up for a hard time when they move into a world where others don't tolerate bad behaviour, or find it entertaining, e.g. when they start school.
Best of luck OP. Hopefully he may have improved by September.

piratecat Wed 24-Apr-13 16:25:29

can you cancel it?

how old are your dc's?

can you get some sort of imaginary letter form the holiday company, saying they have over booked and placed you in different accomadation to your friends, or are you going SC? If you could change that, you could do it now and not tell them till the last min so they can't change to be with you.

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 16:27:47

We are going SC, in a privately-rented house sad

cantspel Wed 24-Apr-13 16:28:18

Tell the mum a few home truths about how awful her precious child is. You will then have a giant falling out and she will cancel the holiday herself.

Win Win situation as not only will you get out of the holiday but he wont be around to trash your house any more.

Toasttoppers Wed 24-Apr-13 17:09:43

Get a cattle prod.

Actually best not, I am quite amazed that people go on hols with friends. I am a curmudgeon so have never even contemplated it though people have asked me. I am perfectly good company for an afternoon or evening.

BellaVita Wed 24-Apr-13 17:17:34

On dear Marmalade sc in a private house sad no escape at all then...

ENormaSnob Wed 24-Apr-13 17:23:47

I would be looking at ways to fracture my own femur tbh.

Bobyan Wed 24-Apr-13 17:27:57

I have a friend who's DS age five, tantrums, spits, kicks and is a total pain.
However I have over time taught him to behave for me, by never giving in. I've been very clear to my friend that in my house its my rules or don't bother coming over. He's an angel at my house because he knows the punishment if he isn't. You need to start "training" him when he visits you house now

BellaVita Wed 24-Apr-13 17:31:10

ENorma - I snorted at your suggestion grin

specialsubject Wed 24-Apr-13 17:32:41

tell them that sorry, but he's not welcome in your house until this 'phase' is over.

kids behave like kids, not animals.

Toasttoppers Wed 24-Apr-13 18:06:29

Deliberate femur breaking is clearly shown on that great film Escape to Victory if you need a tutorial.

UnscentedStillRomantic Wed 24-Apr-13 18:23:23

I think you'll have to say anything to get out of this one. Maybe you could develop a terrible allergy to Mickey Mouse?

Don't worry about upsetting them. It's a case of getting on the wrong side of them now by bailing out or deferring it for the holiday where you'll inevitably fall out anyway over the awful kid.

At least the cat will get a break from himgrin

(Omg imagine the long flight, encased in a plane with himshock)

mrsjay Wed 24-Apr-13 18:33:47

what is SC ?

mrsjay Wed 24-Apr-13 18:34:31

oh self catering it just clicked grin you can eat out it is really cheap plan to do things alone -asmuch as you can

MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 19:09:00

Am snorting at femur breaking, Escape to Victory and allergy to Mickey Mouse grin

mrsjay Wed 24-Apr-13 19:59:48

just wanted to say my parents and little sister and aunt and uncle went when sister was 13 they didnt speak for 2 months when they got back apparently my uncle hated disney world and huffed all the time they were there shock

EricIsMine Wed 24-Apr-13 21:25:14

Is there no way you can swap the big villa for two smaller ones (and two hire cars!) ... Possibly fabricating some story about "double booking"? Florida is not a chill out holiday, we have no kids and with just the two of us it was go go go! Overtiredness from theme park overload would not be helped by a pain in the ass child I would suspect wink

Also, depending where you are staying it may be in a remote housing estate so nowhere to escape to without a car per family! Maybe you can book separate accommodation in the next town helpful

SugarPasteGreyhound Wed 24-Apr-13 21:38:51

Eating out will be your lifeline here.

Don't theory have poison ivy or oak or something there? There is always the prospect of an accidental shove into said plant. That suggestion probably makes me an evil person, but desperate times call for desperate measures...

If he stamps cake into the carpets and otherwise trashes the place - you will all lose the security deposits for cleaning.

Might be worth telling your friends?

Frankly I'd be livid. Can't stand it when children are allowed to trash other people's property.

TheRealFellatio Thu 25-Apr-13 04:14:28

Yes I was going to say be careful about any damage to the house - make sure if he does anything you point out immediately to the mother that if there is a loss to the deposit it is her problem, not yours! Don't sit back and say nothing or she'll try to say 'how do you know it was my boy and not yours?'

Dubjackeen Thu 25-Apr-13 08:49:53

Agree re damages/ deposit.That is another reason why I think it is better to start making it clear now that you don't tolerate his behaviour. Better to have this sorted before the holiday.

mrsjay Thu 25-Apr-13 08:57:42

It is ok to tell him off you know his mum might be really miffed about it but you can say stop or no to him

firesidechat Thu 25-Apr-13 09:03:26

My daughter and her husband went on holiday to Florida with friends. My daughter has no children and the other couple had one. Lets just say that they are no longer friends.

sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 09:18:42

God what a nightmare, lets hope he changes a bit by then!

We went away with friends with similar aged kids to ours a few years ago. It was stressful to say the least just due to different expectations and ways of parenting. Their kids were hugely embarrassing in restaurants, allowed to get up and down from the table, charge about, occasionally running back to grab a handful of food hmm. Then they'd sit under the table, these weren't tiny kids either, prob about 7 or 8. Their parents just used to smile and say what a lovely time their kids were having, implying mine weren't because I made them stay sitting at the table.

Never again, we are still friends but have never been away again.

sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 09:22:50

God what a nightmare, lets hope he changes a bit by then!

We went away with friends with similar aged kids to ours a few years ago. It was stressful to say the least just due to different expectations and ways of parenting. Their kids were hugely embarrassing in restaurants, allowed to get up and down from the table, charge about, occasionally running back to grab a handful of food hmm. Then they'd sit under the table, these weren't tiny kids either, prob about 7 or 8. Their parents just used to smile and say what a lovely time their kids were having, implying mine weren't because I made them stay sitting at the table.

Never again, we are still friends but have never been away again.

sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 09:23:23

Whoops

You have my sympathies, I second the separate cars. DP and I went SC in a villa 3 years ago with another couple before any of us had kids. Having one car and being out in the sticks meant that when they argued all day every fucking day we couldn't escape as they'd come with us and argue in the confined space of the car. Never ever again

mrsjay Thu 25-Apr-13 09:49:37

oh god will that must have been a tad awkward shock

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 25-Apr-13 10:00:40

Good old Marmalade let's go to her house I can relax whilst the kids can trash the place while we sit back and watch.

Good old Marmalade let's go with her on holiday I can relax whilst the kids can trash the place while we sit back and watch.

Some parents just have a convenient parenting off switch whether it's visiting family or friends or actually on holiday. Someone else will see to their bratty kids. Romping unchecked through the airport or ferry terminal, haring across busy roads, running beside the pool when they can't swim, leaning out of moving car windows unfettered by seatbelts, nothing's going to happen, we're on holiday, wheeee!

I second trying to establish some kind of new rules before you go away and do your utmost to sit elsewhere on the plane. Wave goodbye to the accommodation deposit because you won't see it again. Prepare your liver for the anaesthetising barrage of alcohol.

Yep it was indeed MrsJay DP and I plastered on smiles for a fortnight and talked incessantly to try to stop them arguing. They couldn't let a single thing go and constantly point scored. They get married this year confused

mrsjay Thu 25-Apr-13 10:17:17

they are getting married jeez hmm

OhLori Thu 25-Apr-13 12:16:54

I hope you can extricate yourself from this one OP, another vote for cancelling or re-arranging things.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Apr-13 12:21:40

We went on holiday when DD1 was about six mo with friends whose son was 6 wk younger...our DD was treated like she was 18 mo older, expected to be 'quiet' while they did their Gina Ford routine. We didn't drive then so shared a car...everything geared round the sleep routine, we couldn't get away...I still break out in hives thinking about that holiday...they wonder why we won't commit to a long week with them now. We go away for short breaks but it's still substantially driven around their kids needs...

OP I would not judge you for trying to extract...

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 25-Apr-13 13:26:13

Oh God, Donkeys. The times I have had to stop that child from running into roads because one of them is looking at their 'phone, I've lost count...

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 26-Apr-13 21:51:29

marmalade you need to get out of this NOW, you will be left to parent, feed, look after and generally left to get on with it, while THEY holiday and you skivvy.

Cherriesarelovely Fri 26-Apr-13 22:12:04

Heartfelt sympathies to you Marmalde. Love your name btw! Can you actually get out of it and not lose your money? If so I really would. I honestly cannot standto be around horribly behaved kids and ineffectual parents like that, I used to be all understanding and tolerant but after suffering many years of it with some(now ex) friends I snapped!!

The thing is even though the grown up thing would be to talk about it with your friend people don't tend to take things like that very well do they?

Hissy Fri 26-Apr-13 22:20:45

do you happen to have any friends you don't like very much, and don't mind losing? Offload the holiday to them?

Dubjackeen Sat 27-Apr-13 00:16:37

Any update OP?

MarmaladeTwatkins Sat 27-Apr-13 11:38:29

No, no update.

Am just letting the dread consume me sad

<wonders how easy it would be to conceal 50 litres of gin in suitcase>

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sat 27-Apr-13 12:53:53

marm - you need to take action or it will be the biggest waste of money and holiday ever. And it should be FUN, not dreaded.

Maybe invite them over for coffee to discuss holiday plans - and make it clear that you will be doing your own thing some days, that their kids are their responsibility. Be assertive, not passive, you have a choice here - shit family holiday or fun holiday.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 27-Apr-13 13:44:50

I am not under-estimating the power of a toddler to disrupt and bug everyone but am now thinking he will be out-numbered. Does your DH normally see that child 'in action'? I often found a few stern firm words from an adult they weren't familiar with often brought an unruly guest to heel.

Plus enforcing a few house-rules every time he and his mum visit might sink in by the time you go.

Seems a shame to dread a vacation. I'd also lay it on thick about how massively independent and mature your DCs are and prepare for separate activities occasionally so you're not compelled to always go places en masse.

whosiwhatsit Sat 27-Apr-13 14:46:26

Save up, look for a bargain rate, and go for a weeks cruise out of Miami or Ft Lauderdale in the middle of the holiday to break things up. Best of all if you ave the nerve you could ask your friends to look after your dc during that time and just go with your DH shock. To be honest they would probably then be the ones telling stories about the awful friends they went on holiday with!

L8tlyK8tly Sat 27-Apr-13 15:10:18

In my experience this is the third child syndrome! Any of my friends with three children seem to have put all their energies into producing two lovely, well behaved children and then number three comes along and they let them away with murder (I am one of three - not the third - and it was true of my family too). Not that that is much consolation to you: I have been on holiday with friends who do not discipline their DC -it is a tough exercise in maintaining an impassive facade - I found the trick was to try to spend a certain amount of the day OUT of the holy terrors company. Wine worked too. wine

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now