Please flame me, I've been a bitch!

(55 Posts)
HerrenaHarridan Mon 22-Apr-13 12:44:50

I just asked someone if she was pregnant and she said no! I would never normally do this but she was fairly skinny with a well formed and fairly pronounced bump. It just came out!

She is the waitress in the cafe so now I have to sit her and squirm until I can leave.

It is a lovely local cafe and I am never coming back!

blush

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 22-Apr-13 12:46:32

Silly comment to make. A woman at a bus stop once asked me the same and I had to say "I had her last week." She had the grace to look devastated. My niece said "You still look pregnant!" ONE DAY after a c section. Little cow. She was old enough to know better too.

ElectricSoftParade Mon 22-Apr-13 12:46:37

Oh poor woman and poor you!

I have asked once and learned my lesson not to ask again. Mind you, that doesn't stop it happening to me. <bitter and quite porky>

Hamishbear Mon 22-Apr-13 12:49:50

It happens to me & I'm not overweight - in fact I often think you have to l

I once ushered a patient into the consultation room and asked if his wife would be coming in with him, it was his mum.

She looked delighted at being mistaken for a young wife, he looked horrified.
I still cringe when I think about it now and I always refer to accompanying people as 'the person with you'. grin

Hamishbear Mon 22-Apr-13 12:51:53

It happens to me & I'm not overweight - in fact I often think you have to look fairly slim - generally speaking - to be mistaken for pregnant. As you get older you start to think it's a compliment someone might think you're expecting smile. Don't beat yourself up.

Avondale Mon 22-Apr-13 12:52:05

Oops! When I was pregnant with twins, this was one of my favourite games. When people asked when I was due, I'd put on a confused face and tell them I wasn't pregnant! Things you do to amuse yourself when you can't have a drink eh?

Madlizzy Mon 22-Apr-13 12:53:21

Never ask a woman when's it due unless she's gripping your hand and demanding pethadine. grin

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Mon 22-Apr-13 12:55:15

A member of staff in Burtons thought I was a man once.

hmm

DontSHOUTTTTTT Mon 22-Apr-13 12:55:45

If it makes you feel better... I went to M&S yesterday and said to my DD 'God, those are spectacularly ugly shoes'. they were I turned around and someone was trying them on blush. Then I tried to apologise and say that they we were looking for shoes for my DD and that the truly, spectacularly ugly shoes wouldn't have looked nice on her (my DD) but that they were, of course, nice shoes.

The fumbled apology did not go down that well blush much to my DD's amusement.

OP faux pax was worse though (sorry)

Live 'n learn.....

TheCountessOlenska Mon 22-Apr-13 12:57:11

Ha ha AlexReid, me and DH were referred to as "you and your brother" once, we newlyweds and were holding hands confused

hatgirl Mon 22-Apr-13 12:57:27

HerrenaHarridan maybe you are right and she is just in denial

I was asked that question too when not pg, by a young man at the till in the co-op. I was so flabbergasted that I gaily said "oh yes, five months" paid and left.

I haven't been to the co-op for a year. blush

Dahlen Mon 22-Apr-13 13:01:35

I have a strange fear of this and resolutely avoid commenting on anyone's baby bump even when it is blatantly obvious that they are about to drop at any moment. I probably get thought of as being rude and uninterested but I'd rather that than find myself in the OP's predicament.

ENormaSnob Mon 22-Apr-13 13:01:37

I bet she spits in your latte wink

VitoCorleone Mon 22-Apr-13 13:04:36

A few days after i had DS2 my neighbour saw me at the back door and shouted "you still not had that baby yet?!" when i said "yeah i had him sunday" she looked me up and down and said "no you havent!"

I was so upset

mildred37 Mon 22-Apr-13 13:15:16

Don't feel too bad. I work in a hospital and asked a couple if they were there to see their grandchild - they said "no, we're actually her parents". Cringe........

Itchywoolyjumper Mon 22-Apr-13 13:15:25

Oh dear OP, its always a minefield.
If it makes you feel any better me and little DS (2)were on a longish bus journey into the Highlands last week. DS started playing up really early into the journey and was kicking the seat back in front of us. I stopped him and then spent quite a long time explaining why he shouldn't do it an why it wasn't very nice for the lady sitting in front of us. DS was asking questions and it was all getting a bit loud as it does with 2 year olds. I'd said "lady" about 5 times when the passenger in question turned round and said "I'm a man!". We had to sit there for 2 and half hours and walk past him on the way off blush

ShadowStorm Mon 22-Apr-13 13:18:42

Oops.

One of my colleagues is intolerant to gluten - she's very slim, but if she eats food with gluten in, her tummy swells right up and does make her look pregnant. But this doesn't happen very often because she normally manages to avoid gluten!

shockers Mon 22-Apr-13 13:21:30

I was in Italy with my 24 yr old son, in a taxi, on the way to a wedding. Because we didn't know the way to the venue, we showed the driver the invitation.
"Ah, you are getting married today... you are a very handsome pair!" remarked the taxi driver.
My son was horrified grin.

PicardyThird Mon 22-Apr-13 13:22:44

I'm small and slim with a flat chest and a bit of a tummy. I get asked if I'm pg every few months. Sometimes it's upsetting, because I've had miscarriages. Otherwise, <shrug>. Having a tummy is no shame, and I wish we wouldn't feel like it is.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Mon 22-Apr-13 13:24:43

A friend of mine did this..but worse...

Said...OMG you're pregnant, when's it due..whilst rubbing the ladies 'bump'

Now. That would be embarrassing!

HeadFairy Mon 22-Apr-13 13:25:05

You weren't a bitch OP, you weren't being malicious (I assume!)

I've always followed the rule that you never asked someone if they're pregnant unless you were the person to impregnate her (unlikely in my case, what with me being female 'n' all grin) or she's actually giving birth in front of you grin

yaimee Mon 22-Apr-13 13:30:33

I was very overweight before I got pregnant and not a single person ever commented on my bump even when I was 9 months, I'm pretty sure that this was because everyone was worried that I'd just got even fatter! Most people know not to ask now don't they hmm

Floggingmolly Mon 22-Apr-13 13:30:42

Serves him right for bringing his mum with him to the doctors, AlexReid. Don't know why he looked horrified, the truth was far more humiliating...

OhTheConfusion Mon 22-Apr-13 13:32:53

These things happen, don't beat yourself up.

My aunt once asked an old school friend if she was pregnant... she wasn't. She then met the same woman a year later, heavily pregnant with twins, and felt too embarrassed to comment blush.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 22-Apr-13 13:34:10

I used to commute on the train to work: the train was always packed and horrid. I had to have quite a lot of surgery, and had been off for a while. In my first week back, the train was once again a nightmare, and I was packed like a sardine in the 'vestibule area', and was really feeling dreadful and in a lot of pain.

Ticket lady pushed through and said 'if you're pregnant, you can sit in 1st class'. I replied shamefacedly 'I'm not pregnant, I've just had a kidney out so I'm all swollen'.

She GLARED at me, and said 'Well, you can't sit in 1st Class then, can you?', and swanned off.

Readers: I cried.

HeffalumpTheFlump Mon 22-Apr-13 13:36:50

I'm 4 months pregnant and my friend who's not looks far more pregnant than me when she eats cheese. It's quite funny really she looks about 6months ish and we call it her cheese baby. I wouldn't blame someone for asking her!! Don't feel so bad OP it was just a mistake... Just don't do it again lol :p

Snowfedup Mon 22-Apr-13 13:38:40

My dh was chatting to an old friend at antenatal clinic so you would think safe ground - when I was finished I came out to find him quite red on the face and rushing to leave - it was November and he commented that it would be lovely for her to have a Christmas baby - she replied actually I am not due for another 6 months to which he replied is it twins then ? No

thebestpossibletaste Mon 22-Apr-13 13:40:06

Someone once asked me this and I'd just had a miscarriage a few weeks before, can't describe how sad I felt. People really should think before saying that to anyone. I would never, never say that, even if I was sure she was pregnant.

ChairOfTheBored Mon 22-Apr-13 13:40:20

My step dad is a wee bit younger than my mum. They were down to visit, and we went to church on Sunday morning.

The vicar was utterly horrified by the awkward silence which followed his welcome to my Mum and brother...

StuntGirl Mon 22-Apr-13 13:43:25

My neighbour asked if I was pregnant. I am not, just fat sad

This is why I never, ever ask someone else if they're pregnant!

Brunocat Mon 22-Apr-13 13:46:58

I was asked last week if I was pregnant, I do have a tummy but am otherwise fairly slim. Luckily it was a student that said it to me in class and I was able to make him wish he had never been born. I think I taught him a valuable life lesson and all the girls in the class said that he will never ask anyone the same question again!

roofio87 Mon 22-Apr-13 13:47:19

Alexreid a nurse once asked my dad, 'will your mother being coming in with you?' it was not his mother, but my mum and his wife. she was mortified. that way round is far worse!!

Lucyellensmum95 Mon 22-Apr-13 13:52:21

Oh i did similar to this, i asked one of the girls in my old department when her baby was due, even said, "you must be due anytime now" shock she had him THREE months ago she said!! THREE MONTHS FFS!! To be fair she was wearing a really tight fitting dress for some mad reason but she looked 9 months pregnant - i could have died on the spot!

HerrenaHarridan Mon 22-Apr-13 13:57:11

I know I shouldn't of said it, I have explained to people before why they shouldn't do it!

It just slipped past quality control and now I feel like the biggest arse in the world, to be honest I thought she was very attractive so this may if had something to do with the primal urge to put my foot in it.

Now I don't feel like I can ever go back to the only nice cafe in our little village with the pretty waitress.

Is there ever any way back from here, is it possible to make amends?

I'm such an idiot! blush

HerrenaHarridan Mon 22-Apr-13 13:58:27

Thank you so much for sharing your faux pas, I may be an idiot but at least I'm not alone smile

butterflyexperience Mon 22-Apr-13 14:09:04

Don't worry
I've made that mistake once too...
Never again though shock

DeskPlanner Mon 22-Apr-13 14:17:51

This is why I never say anything, even if someone looks like they are about to drop. I just wait until they mention being preg first.

toffeelolly Mon 22-Apr-13 14:45:55

This is the reason why i would never ask anybody this, do feel for you!

Madlizzy Mon 22-Apr-13 16:33:17

And today I was asked if I was. I said no, I'm just fat and asked her if she wanted a shovel.

floatyfloni Mon 22-Apr-13 16:53:10

Twice, on seperate occasions, people have thought I was his mum. He is 25 and I am 23.

First occasion though I was only 18! dp was rushed to A'n'E one night. After about 3 hours they moved him from emergency onto a different ward so I had to go, was 4am! I sat in the bustop until about 7am so could catch a bus home (25 miles or so), got home, packed him a bag and caught another bus straight back over for visiting hours. When I got there, a nurse said how lovely it was for his mum to come visit! I could've cut her head off...

floatyfloni Mon 22-Apr-13 16:53:48

Dp's mum just to clarify!

lustybusty Mon 22-Apr-13 17:02:56

I've always found "how's things?" Works quite well in many situations- weight loss/weight gain/preg/haircut. If they want to comment on it, it's an opener, if they don't, they won't...! grin

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad Mon 22-Apr-13 17:04:51

My lovely friend was asked by her colleague if she was pregnant. My friend said no and was a bit upset.

About six months later the same colleague asked her the same question. She wasn't then, either!

OHforDUCKScake Mon 22-Apr-13 17:08:10

Ive had people I know-ish eye up my stomach and I know what they're thinking.

I do get a rounded sticky out 4 month looking stomach when Im due on or eaten loads of bread. I think it becomes even more obvious if you're not overwheight.

My son asked if there was a baby in there again recently. Little bugger.
I cant deny it though, for a few days each month I look pregnant.

Wannabestepfordwife Mon 22-Apr-13 17:14:46

avondale that reminds me of dp daring me to buy a pregnancy test at 37 weeks. The look on the woman's face it was priceless.

hazel that's awful you should have been allowed in 1st class for your kidney

McPheelingTheSpring Mon 22-Apr-13 17:16:39

Maybe she needed a poo

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 22-Apr-13 17:17:18

It's nearly as bad when you don't notice someone is 7 months pregnant.

HerrenaHarridan Mon 22-Apr-13 17:35:17

shock Fuck Jamie!

If we are also rude not to notice wtf are we supposed to do?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 22-Apr-13 17:52:17

I know! It's a minefield!

McNewPants2013 Mon 22-Apr-13 18:00:17

I stuck my foot in it on the bus, I offered a lady a seat because she looked pregnant only for her not to be.

DragonMamma Mon 22-Apr-13 18:12:18

One of the school mums is a bit round all over and a couple of months back at a party we were chatting and I asked her if she was planning a second dc and she replied 'well, this one is due in 4 weeks' and I was mortified as she clearly knew I thought she was a bit round pre preg.

Pontouf Mon 22-Apr-13 18:13:37

This happened to me today! I went to see my GP for some more pain killers following my c-section last Wednesday. As I walked into the too
She looked at me and said "shouldn't you have had it by now?!" and I had to say "I have." she was mortified and said "oh no! It was just the way you were walking!" I was hobbling in agony clutching my stomach to be fair but I was MASSIVELY pregnant (40+4) the last time I'd seen her and although obviously I still look about 5 months gone, it is still a fairly significant difference! I'm well over a stone lighter. I was really upset and haven't told anyone except you lot sad

DewDr0p Mon 22-Apr-13 22:47:42

This happened to me in the butchers. The young assistant said "haven't you had that baby yet?" - I didn't answer, just pointed at the newborn lying in the pram!! (to be fair, ds was only 3 days old and yes I did prob look a bit pg but not half as pg as on my previous visit the week before!)

Every single time I went in after that his colleagues sniggered and started taking the mick out of him about it. Was quite a relief when he got another job elsewhere grin

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