To be sad my friends think my hen do will be 'boring'

(154 Posts)
oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:41:49

I probably am being unreasonable, but anyway....

I'm getting married next year and have been discussing my hen do with a couple of friends and they've both said (in a jokey way, but in a way you can tell they're telling the truth) that it sounds 'boring'.

My plan was to rent a cottage somewhere, with a hot tub, then spend a couple of nights and days just hanging out. There would obviously be lots of wine and champagne involved, and I'm going to organise classes like chocolate tasting and a day at a spa. I was thinking of pub lunches, nice restaurants and just generally a relaxed weekend.

I know the tradition is to do the whole L-plates and drinking in clubs thing, but that so isn't me! Strippers and naked butlers make me cringe! I've been to loads of hen do's where this is what the hen wanted, and have joined in etc. But for my own hen, am I being unreasonable to want to do what I'll enjoy? And what do I do is no-one wants to come?

Just to note, it isn't a money thing that will prevent friends coming. And, also, I'm the last of our group of friends to get married, and the only one without kids, so I think some people are seeing this as a 'last hurrah' type thing.


WorraLiberty Mon 22-Apr-13 09:44:11

Tbh I would find that boring too....far too much 'relaxing' and not enough energetic stuff.

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than to the whole 'L-plate' thing though.

Can you not do something inbetween? Like a few outdoor activities?

WorraLiberty Mon 22-Apr-13 09:44:36


HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand Mon 22-Apr-13 09:45:13

I think it sounds lovely. Its your hen do. Do what you fancy doing

IllegalYoniFarm Mon 22-Apr-13 09:45:49

I think it sounds lovely, ill come!

curiousgeorgie Mon 22-Apr-13 09:45:56

I think that sounds great... I hate the whole hen night madness. One friend had a trip to Vegas, two weeks in a villa and a spa weekend for her 'hens'.

If I was your friend, I would be very happy!!

gordyslovesheep Mon 22-Apr-13 09:46:48

I spent last weekend doing just that OP and we had a lovely time - not a hen do, just mates enjoying time together - sounds lovely

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 22-Apr-13 09:46:50

I think it sounds fabulous.

Not enough 'energetic' stuff...?! That's a good thing in my book.

juneau Mon 22-Apr-13 09:46:53

No, of course YANBU - it's your hen do. However, if your taste in weekends away is vastly different to your friends' I don't think you should be surprised if they don't want to come (the organisation of which, when you have kids, is generally no easy feat).

As a mother of two kids myself it takes a lot to make me go through the military organisation of even a day shopping at the weekend - never mind a weekend away.

Sounds lovely to be honest...I'm not one for the whole naked butler thing either.

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:00

Worra, definitely, had that planned already actually. Meant to mention it in the classes but, but there's paintballing or climbing we could do that I'm definitely up for!

HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:04

You will have a proper laugh without the rotten hangover too.

Callisto Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:05

The chocolate tasting and spa day sound awful, the rest sounds great. But it does depend on the people you will be going with. If your 'friends' don't like the sound of it don't invite them.

HellonHeels Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:06

That sounds lovely! I'd far rather go to your hen do than an L plate and veil one. I didn't have a hen do but if were having one now I'd like a craft day where the bride's friends are helped to make her a quilt or something and you get tea and cake and a glass or two of fizz.

pictish Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:19

Sounds perfect. I'll come!

tabulahrasa Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:28

I think it sounds a bit boring as well tbh - just loads of hanging about.

But if that's what you want, that's what you want.

MrsSpagBol Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:33

Sounds excellent to me!!

StiffyByng Mon 22-Apr-13 09:48:28

I think that sounds brilliant and the nicest hen I've ever been on was similar. I wanted something like that but didn't feel confident enough to ask people to go away for a weekend.

WorraLiberty Mon 22-Apr-13 09:48:52

Oh that's good, I'd definitely be up for the paint balling and climbing grin

But otherwise it's all based around eating/drinking/doing nothing.

wonderingsoul Mon 22-Apr-13 09:49:08

i think its cruel of them to piss on your cornflakes like that!

if they where real friends they would smile and fake excitment!

i'll come. sounds like bliss to me, though id have to have vodka instead of wine wink

do what you want, thouse that dont want to come dont have to.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 22-Apr-13 09:49:39

Hanging about ... with wine though!!

imour Mon 22-Apr-13 09:49:48

depends on the age group really , i would love it , but younger ones want to get dressed up and go clubbing .

HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand Mon 22-Apr-13 09:49:48

Where are you thinking of renting the cottage?

cantspel Mon 22-Apr-13 09:51:06

Doesn't matter if we think we would enjoy something like that as we are not going. If you want your friends to enjoy themselves as well they you must include a few things you know they would enjoy.
A group of women in a cottage getting bored is a argument waiting to happen.

elliejjtiny Mon 22-Apr-13 09:51:49

Sounds great, I'll come too grin. PS my hen night was even more boring. My 14 year old sister was desperate to come to mine so we just went to pizza hut. I had a bride to be rosette and the bridesmaids had badges. I enjoyed it though. You're the bride and you get to choose. If your friends think it's going to be boring don't invite them and invite some random mumsnetters instead wink

StuntGirl Mon 22-Apr-13 09:52:02

It's not really about what the others want though is it? Its like birthdays, you good naturedly do what the birthday person wants even if its not really your cup of tea. I think its mean of your friends to make you feel bad about your choice.

That said, you won't enjoy it if you know they're not enjoyng it iyswim. Is there anything else you'd like to do? There are a lot of options in between relaxing week in a cottage and tacky night out. Or is there anyone in your group who would enjoy it, could you go with them and arrange a night out with the party girls another time?

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:52:54

Hubba, somewhere in the Peaks (we're based in Sheffield). A little town probably, maybe Matlock. Somewhere a bit sheltered with lots of pubs as it'll be February.

givemeaclue Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:02

How about a yurt in Cornwall, I went to a birthday weekend in one and it would be great for hens, yurts were fab, hot tub, outdoor pool, we did surfing lesson, nice pubs but also near scarlet hotel for smart drinks. near jamie Oliver restaurant, but also surf vibe.

Problem with cottage is driving from the ottage to the spa etc, someone can't drink. AChocolate tasting a bit twee imo.

You don't have to do l plates and stripper but perhaps something a bit More lively?

Google mawgan porth yurt village.

Beach, surfing, hanging out in hot tubs, proximity to surf pubs or smart hotels, I think it has everything you want

HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:22

Lovely. Log fires on in the pubs. Hot chocolates etc etc... Thats definitley up my street! Are your friends single by any chance?

3rdnparty Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:36

not for me either.....but my hen do was a nice meal and a few drinks with friends, not sure about whole weekend things unless you go away a lot together anyway .....and the idea of weeks away biscuit

We went to a much nicer restaurant than usual and a cocktail bar rather than the local curry house and pub.... if I'd thought about it a bit more might have added an activity/spa afternoon .... unless your all loaded would rather spend money on other things....grin

Squitten Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:38

I think it sounds lovely. I also wasn't interested in the stereotypical hen night stuff so me and a small group of close friends went to Athens for the weekend. We did a lot of cultural stuff that I wanted to do but we did also do one night at the most awesome beach-side club.

Perhaps you could include a night out as part of the plans?

Badvoc Mon 22-Apr-13 09:56:16

Sounds lovely.
Ill come!

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:57:35

givemeaclue, Cornwall's a bit far away I think. But sounds lovely. Maybe a bit cold for February though.

Worra, no, they're all married/partnered-up.

Tailtwister Mon 22-Apr-13 09:57:58

I would say that your friends need to learn some manners OP and consider that it's your hen weekend not theirs. They should be doing what makes you happy. I've never understood the requirement to humiliate the bride to be with strippers and have them vomiting in the gutter by 9pm. Surely it's about showing them a good time in whichever way suits them.

cantspel Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:20

In the old days when a hen do was just a night somewhere then yes the friends should just do what the bride fancies but now they last at least a weekend and the guests are expected to shell out ££££ for the event then i do think you should do something that suits everyone.
There is a middle group between strippers and chocolate tasting. You just need to find it.

FortyFacedFuckers Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:31

It sounds perfect to me. One of my friends done similar it was far from boring or relaxing I came home knackered. grin

PassTheCremeEggs Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:34

Sounds great to me! Not a million miles from my own, although we added in a day at Go Ape which made it a bit more energetic. It's your hen do, you should do what you want to do, that's the whole point! smile

Tailtwister Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:36

Your plans sound great btw!

Awwww I love that area! It's so beautiful.

what abut going into Sheffield one night? bit of a compromise? although, I'd love what you suggest.

My friend did very similar with a cottage in Pembroke, it was brilliant!

diddl Mon 22-Apr-13 09:59:55

Sounds fine to be if there are places to go for a walk/bike ride.

I had a BBQ at my parents-call me Queen of the bores - I don't care, I loved it.

Lots of wine, food & gossip-plus all the women who were invited to the wedding came-except MILhmm

givemeaclue Mon 22-Apr-13 10:01:43

Log fire and hot Chocolate on a hen weekend?

YoniYoniNameLeft Mon 22-Apr-13 10:01:59

I think it sounds great. I'm not keen on the thought of a Spa day (but I would use it as an excuse to go swimming or something, I'd maybe get a manicure but I don't like strangers touching me), but chocolate tasting? Yep yep! Hanging out with lots of alcohol? Yes again! Pub lunches? Food, wine, what's not to like?

MarmaladeTwatkins Mon 22-Apr-13 10:03:20

It does sound a bit dull, sorry. blush

Can you not do a city break and fit in some exhibitions/nice restaurants/cocktails/maybe a couple of hours getting eyebrows plucked or whatever if the spa people fancy it?

As much as I love my friends, the idea of being trapped in a cottage with them for a weekend makes me feel a bit apprehensive...

WorraLiberty Mon 22-Apr-13 10:04:30

There is a huge middle ground between the L-plates/stripper thing and what the OP has planned.

I agree with cantspel in the sense that if you're expecting people to shell out all that money and give up their weekends, it's only polite to at least try to include something they'd like to do.

livinginwonderland Mon 22-Apr-13 10:05:48

i'll come! that sounds lovely smile

SarahAndFuck Mon 22-Apr-13 10:06:33

Have you been on their hen do's?

If so, can you remind them, in a jokey way, that you didn't complain about their choices and you are a little hurt that they are complaining about yours.

They should respect that this is your plan for your hen party if you respected theirs and joined in without complaint. Although you should be prepared for them not to come.

Most of it sounds lovely, although I don't think it sounds relaxing at all. You are going for a couple of days and nights and you want pub lunches, nice restaurants, a spa day, paint balling or climbing, a chocolate tasting class and still have time for sitting in a hot tub etc and all over one weekend.

Those are going to be two or three very busy days, not relaxing ones.

Perhaps they think there's not going to be enough time to hang about and relax if they think they are going to be paint balling then to the pub for lunch then out to chocolate class then to the hot tub then out for a meal in the evening then off for a day at the spa the next day followed by another meal out in the evening, then a final day in the hot tub and out for another pub lunch before home.

If they are complaining, can you scale things down to one or two like-minded friends who you know would enjoy it, then just go out for a meal one evening with the complainers?

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 22-Apr-13 10:06:36

I'd love that.

milkymocha Mon 22-Apr-13 10:07:12

Can i come? Sounds like utter bliss!

specialsubject Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:20

your party and you do what you find fun - but people stuck in an office all week probably don't want to be stuck in a spa at the weekend. Or guzzling chocolate. Or drinking. Or in a shared bath.

the l plate stuff is also horrible, fair enough not wanting to do that.

to say it is 'boring' is a bit undiplomatic, but be prepared for people not to want to give up a whole weekend for this stuff, which I would also make excuses for.

my ideal weekend in a different place would be walking and sightseeing, but that's just me.

melbie Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:26

That sounds like my perfect weekend and if I was ever going to get married it is probably the kind of hen do I would arrange...

HeathRobinson Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:28

Are they trying to tell you that a weekend is too long, do you think?

Greenkit Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:34

Sounds ace and exactly the sort of thing you will enjoy.

One of the ACF Adults did this for her hen do, it was in the new forest had a hot tub, got there friday night and had Chinese, then sat we did a 'high climb' thing which was brilliant, then paint ball for the afternoon a BBQ Sat night with drinks in the Hot tub and Sunday was just relaxing.

It was my first 'girly' holiday ever (and im 42, I have a sad and lonely thread going) I thought it was amazing.

Scoobyblue Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:44

It sounds like bliss to me. This is your hen do - do what you want to do.

FoundAChopinLizt Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:01

Haven't read the whole thread, but your hen idea sounds perfect to me. Ignore everyone and just do it.

ATJabberwocky Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:10

That sounds lovely, do what you want to do smile

diddl Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:27

I do think that for a weekend you're going to be hard pushed to please everyone for all of the time though.

It maybe does depend somewhat on who is paying.

Lancrehotpot Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:47

Ah that sounds amazing; I am very envious. They really are being rude! My hen do was organised by my single, party-loving MOH and it was very boozy and silly. I really don't like Blackpool and would have much preferred a quieter one, though it's my own fault for not speaking up.
You should have what you want; it's your celebration. Just call it your 'pre-wedding pampering weekend' and never refer to a hen-do againgrin

TheSecondComing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:12:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoniYoniNameLeft Mon 22-Apr-13 10:13:42

Actually, a city break sounds good! Cocktails, restaurants etc that's my kind of thing - I would resign myself to getting my eyebrows plucked or something if you really wanted the spa thingy.

<<reminds self that she's not actually going>>

My mum and sister tried to get me into the whole L plates thing on my Hen night. It was cringeworthy! I hate that kind of thing and refused but they made me wear a tiara with a veil (which I wore begrudgingly for a couple of photos and then took off) and they bought willy straws! Willy straws, FFS!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 22-Apr-13 10:13:44

I've been on plenty of hen weekends where a cottage has been hired somewhere pretty and we've spent the weekend having a spa day (love a spa day), go karting, afternoon tea, shopping, doing a dance class and playing drinking games. It's great. I thought that was normal for a hen weekend. One of the nights has always involved dinner and clubbing, mind.

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 10:13:56

Thanks so much all! Will take your advice and make sure it's affordable, make sure there's a nice mix of activities and chilling out, and make sure everyone knows what to expect beforehand.

And make sure no-one arranges for a stripper to come to the house, AAARGH! grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 22-Apr-13 10:16:39

I forgot to say, I hate the L plate and veil thing, I refused to have one on my hen. Your hen weekend sounds great.

MyDarlingClementine Mon 22-Apr-13 10:16:40

If your in Matlock would be lots of lovely walks and stuff in the Peak District you could do, it sounds GREAT to me btw, I loathe L plate things.

To be honest, it does sound exceedingly boring.

February is cold and uncomfortable for the outdoors. You need good boots, thermal base-layers and wind/water proofs. Lots of different clothing to pack. I usually spend both October and February half term hill walking, so know the drill.

The hot tub is a cliche, and that in itself would make me decline. Why should 5-6 girls sit in a hot tub together and drink champagne? Bleurgh.
Spa? Yes, fine, great for one day. Chocolate tasting, come on, what am I, 7?

I am sorry, but it seems like you have built the hen around an idea of a cottage, and then desperately tried to work out what you could possibly do. It sounds forced to me.

I rather go to on a capital break with museums and fine dining. Whether it is London, Lisbon, or Seville, or Dublin.

JedwardScissorhands Mon 22-Apr-13 10:20:23

You might think money isn't an issue, but just because they could afford to pay doesn't mean they are prepared to waste money, and a whole weekend, on something they won't enjoy.

I think the 'bride's choice' argument is fine for a night out, but not for something as big as a weekend away. It's a little self-absorbed, really.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Mon 22-Apr-13 10:21:10

I would prefer just one night, and I wouldn't like organised activities at all. confused
I would like the cottage and the wine/champagne. smile
A big walk or bike ride then a long boozy pub meal sounds really nice.

OP, put me down if they're not up for it smile

ben5 Mon 22-Apr-13 10:24:43

so if your friends don't want to come can I join you? Sounds lovely sitting around chatting and you also mentioned chocolatesmile.

birdofthenorth Mon 22-Apr-13 10:25:05

What you describe is almost exactly what my friend has planned for her hen next month, although she dies have an outdoor activity on the Sunday. Her dad died recently and she's in no mood for karaoke and strippers and tbh I think all guests are relieved and really looking forward to it (not least me as I just gave birth & can dip in and out if this sedate hen between feeds!).

Do it your way and enjoy!

Jins Mon 22-Apr-13 10:25:20

I agree that it's up to you what you do but I do sympathise with your friends a bit. I would be finding excuses to avoid a spa day which I hate and 'classes' aren't my thing either.

I don't think it sounds boring. It does sound a bit pre planned. I've been on corporate get to know each other days along those lines

It doesn't matter what we think - can't you talk to them?

It will play on your mind unless you do. It might be your friends are worried you will regret not doing something else (which it sounds like you won't!). Or it might be that a weekend is a very long time and they wish you'd gone with an evening, or whatever. But just get back to the people who've said it sounded boring and ask them to tell you honestly if they have reservations about it and what they are. I'm not suggesting you cancel plans, I just think it will continue to bug you unless you ask them.

hairtearing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:35:14

Are you having a few nights out in between? you can have a night out without it being a stripfest!

VelvetSpoon Mon 22-Apr-13 10:35:56

I had a massive falling out with a friend over her hen do, so much so that (apart from a brief convo at her wedding) we haven't spoken since. She decided (influenced by her DH to be's friends) that she would go for a meal (to a horrible themed restaurant in the arse end of nowhere) and a spa day also somewhere miles away. The restaurant sounded crap and would have cost me well over £100 to get there and back, the spa day was £150 pp, plus my travel again would have been another £60. I couldn't justify the cost for something that (restaurant) I would have loathed and (spa) that is not my cup of tea at all, because I can't swim and hate people touching me!

She said I was ruining it because I wouldn't go (despite the fact another 20 girls would be there) and if I was a real friend I would have sucked it up.

What I should have said was if she was a real friend she wouldn't have expected me to dance to her tune, but I didn't. She later told another friend that she wasn't surprised I refused to come because my only interests were getting drunk, snogging randoms and generally behaving like a slut hmm. You can see now why I don't speak to her any more!!

OP, I am SURE you won't be like that. You should do what you want, it's your hen do but accept that not everyone will want to do the same thing, and some people might not come - tbh that will be the case whatever you do, you can't please everyone!

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 22-Apr-13 10:37:04

I'd tell them never mind and go somewhere nice and hot for a weekend with OH, like a really posh hotel in Spain or Italy.

hairtearing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:37:54

Aw you old grumps I like sashes and tiaras, I am having one night of a meal early evening and then hit the clubs for a good time, sometimes I think a weekend is too long.

DeWe Mon 22-Apr-13 10:43:02

Sounds lovely. I'll come grin

Wallace Mon 22-Apr-13 10:48:27

I'll come as long as we can play board games too smile

Sunnymeg Mon 22-Apr-13 10:50:03

Firstly it is your hen do so you should above all be comfortable with what goes on. You could always book something like an hour driving off road vehicles to add something to the weekend and incorporate the L plate theme into that. If I was going I would love the hot tub and champagne but after a day doing something energetic or different.

I went to London for mine, posh cocktails and a show on the Saturday, Petticoat Lane market and train home on the Sunday. smile smile

DeskPlanner Mon 22-Apr-13 10:50:42

It does sound nice, I'm not a L plate and striper type of person either. But if you where my friend, I wouldn't be going. Never liked the idea of holidays away from my family and I'd rather spend the money on my family rather than someone else's hen weekend. When did all this weekend away thing come about anyway ? What's wrong with a meal out ? Maybe your friends are just trying to tell you its all way to expensive.

toodaloo Mon 22-Apr-13 10:53:13

It sounds great! I'll come!

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Mon 22-Apr-13 10:56:04

If they've got kids then giving up a weekend for your hen do is a big thing. An afternoon and evening far less so. From your perspective this is naturally the biggest event this year but as they're already going to be dedicating a weekend to your wedding, adding another one on for the hen do (plus query a third if their partner will be going away for a stag do) is quite a lot.

bigTillyMint Mon 22-Apr-13 11:00:25

It sounds great to me, but I'm old!

Could you get them to suggest what they think would make it more fun and then see if you can incorporate their ideas and reach a compromise?

cjbk1 Mon 22-Apr-13 11:12:12

sounds lovely...I didn't have a hen anything coz I cldnt afford it plus I knew my 'friends' wld let me down which they did by not turning up to the wedding page in wedding album for photos with friends is empty hmm

AngelsWithSilverWings Mon 22-Apr-13 11:15:10

Sounds like bliss!

I hate hen parties and usually find a way to get out of them but I'd be right up for your weekend.

googlenut Mon 22-Apr-13 11:16:01

I think a weekend away is too long - especially for those who have kids. And all the activities you mention - except perhaps the walking - could be done at home. I too would probably decline this.
How far is the cottage from where you all live? Perhaps a select few go for whole weekend and then invite rest down for the Saturday and focus all your energy into maki g this a fun day.
Otherwise it all sounds a bit too long and open ended.

mrsjay Mon 22-Apr-13 11:16:43

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than to the whole 'L-plate' thing though.

I always laugh when you say that worra grin

tbh OP i think the cottage idea isn't that great the rest sounds fine but maybe a hotel would be better and you can all go out and do your thing I wouldn't go in a hot tub anyway but maybe ask your friends what they fancy doing, except the L plate garter get up I would take on board what they want to do

ArtyFartyQueen Mon 22-Apr-13 11:21:31

This sounds very similar to what I organised for my best friend's hen except we went to Center Parcs which worked really well as there were so many activities on site that people could go off and do something adventurous or just go to the spa and there were plenty of places to eat and even a mini nightclub to have a boogie for an hour!

Please don't feel pressurised to have a hen do that you don't want - it's meant to be about you and preparing you for your big day!

GirlOutNumbered Mon 22-Apr-13 11:22:30

Dump your friends, it's your weekend. It sounds perfect.
Rude friends to suggest boring.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Mon 22-Apr-13 11:29:07

I think it depends who's going. The cottage weekends work well when it's a tight knit group of friends who maybe don't see one another as often as they like, so just mooching around chatting and drinking, with the odd walk to the pub thrown in is great. If the group is more fragmented, with people who only know the bride, it can be more difficult.

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 11:30:00

Your description of the weekend sounds nice but two days and nights of 'chilling out' would bore me senseless especially when I've gone to the trouble and expense of arranging to be there. And I say this as another who hates tacky L plate/stripper type hen nights too.

Why don't you rent a cottage in or near a town/village so you can have one big fun boozy night out at the local pub. I adore night's out in country pubs.

WorraLiberty Mon 22-Apr-13 11:42:22

Dump your friends, it's your weekend. It sounds perfect.
Rude friends to suggest boring.

And do what? Go alone? confused

It's not rude to suggest you'd be bored on a weekend that involves no activities that you'd be interested's honesty.

I'd prefer my friends to be honest than to make excuses to not go.

lynniep Mon 22-Apr-13 11:43:17

I think it sounds lovely however I do think as others have said that whilst its not 'boring' your friends may be hoping for an actual night out. If they all have family, then they probably were looking forward to getting dressed up. Also can all of them make it for a whole weekend? I'd be reluctant to do two nights away, and my lot arent babies (3 and 6)
If you are determined to do this (and why not - its your hen night!) then how about finding somewhere that is close enough for everyone to have a night out and then retired to the cottage for all night chatting and drinking? Dont expect them to do two nights though.

I found a place for my friends belated 40th last year (she was busy having a baby on her actual 40th so delayed by a year!) called Coppid Beech. Quite cheesy, BUT everyone absolutely loved it. The package was about £85. Room, meal, club entry included.
Stay in the hotel (lovely twin rooms). Does have a pool and hot tub and sauna (not best quality but fine) And restaurants/bars/clubs on site. If you don't want the tackly L-plate style, you choose the 'refined' restaurant for your meal which is what we did. Then we had a boogie later on. Part of the fun was hanging around in the rooms getting ready to go 'out'.

fluffyraggies Mon 22-Apr-13 11:44:47

Personally I would join in with anything i'd been invited to without complaint grin i'd do the wine and chocolate spa day, or i'd do the night on the town pissed as farts. I'd just be grateful to be included in a hen do!


In your case OP, i'm wondering if indeed it's the length of the arrangement that your friends have issues with - 'specially if they have kids. Even though i would be happy to take part in any activity i would struggle with a whole weekend of it because of the logistics.

Branleuse Mon 22-Apr-13 11:48:08

a whole hen weekend???

Sounds expensive

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 22-Apr-13 11:50:28

I have a DS and am going away for a hen weekend, staying in a cottage. It's perfectly doable. My friends with kids came on my hen weekend away.

You might need to check that people can come for a whole weekend as maybe not everyone can afford it or get babysitters. Maybe some can go for one night.

Your plans sound like most of the hen weekends I've been on.

McNewPants2013 Mon 22-Apr-13 11:51:32

It sound like a very expensive weekend

WordUpG Mon 22-Apr-13 11:53:07

I always thought the hen do was none of the brides business. grin Unclench and let your friends organise something. You have the honeymoon and eternity to relax.

mrsjay Mon 22-Apr-13 11:55:48

fwiw it isn't the weekend that i would be unhappy with just all the 'chilling out' would bore me, I have been on hen weekends mine included and although not wild or anything just quite busy and drunken

OohMrDarcy Mon 22-Apr-13 12:03:22

I had a similar hen do - and LOVED every minute!

Mine was an all day / overnight job - with this rough plan

Meet up at X pub for lunch
Go on to activity centre where we did quad biking and Dirt buggies (where I set the course record grin )
There was a bar there and though you weren't meant to the guy dealing with us let us have a beer in between <classy> it was great fun, everyone enjoyed it

we then went back to my sisters house (I wanted local and didn't want a piss up night out) where she had hired a hot tub, set up a cocktail fountain, dance mats, a beautician for the evening and pizzas ordered

It was a really good giggle, got rather drunk and spent my time either laughing in the hot tub or making an arse of myself on the dance mat

we broke up the day so people could come to some or all of it depending on what they wanted, worked really well as family types came to just the evening and friends from a particular hobby did the pub / activities

I slept there with my oldest mate, talking into the night, then DH dropped DD over in the morning and she had a swim in the hot tub too!

ahhhhh twas a fab day grin

elQuintoConyo Mon 22-Apr-13 12:28:16

That sound like my idea of hell, sorry op. I'm shy and the thought of spending a weekend 'relaxing' with people I don't know freezes my blood.
I'm also one for the i-hate-spas camp sad
I don't want to shit on your weekend, but I'd decline the invite on some fake pretext. I definitely wouldn't say anything like your friends did, that's just mean.

TheSecondComing Mon 22-Apr-13 13:36:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 13:38:04

I like decent cocktails, something quite tart, nothing Sex on the Beach-y of course. Cannot drink red wine on a night out. Carnage will occur.

persimmon Mon 22-Apr-13 13:38:14

It's your do, have what you like. The L Plates and butler thing would make me want to stick pins in my eyes.

zukiecat Mon 22-Apr-13 13:48:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shockers Mon 22-Apr-13 14:05:56

We're doing something similar for a friend's hen, but going clay pigeon shooting, pony trekking and walking during the days.

I'm really looking forward to it!

PortHills Mon 22-Apr-13 14:20:11

we did v boozy wine tasting rather than chocolate tasting at mine. Company called 30-50 or something like that. They came out to us (Cotswolds) from London. And then we also chose the wine for the wedding - I brought the sample bottles along, and we all voted for our favourite. It was brilliant, and I liked having their input since I knew they'd be drinking most

We did also have the night out inthe local town too though, and then a bit of swimming and walking to deal with the hangovers.

Altinkum Mon 22-Apr-13 14:30:17

I've been to a similar hen party, and it was fab, on the night time we made our own entertainment, we had to take a musical icon and do a rendition ad everyone had to guess who we all were.

I was prince, smile horrendous singin voice, but singing and dancing away like a kid overdosed on sweets.

Mouseyinmyhousey Mon 22-Apr-13 14:36:40

If it's any consolation I think that your hen do sounds fab.

I think that there's nothing worse than a load of grown women running round town dressed as nurses with L plates, leering at every bloke they see.

I would love to do what you've suggested, it sounds so relaxing but you'll still have chance to chat and have a laugh, I'll come!

Snoopingforsoup Mon 22-Apr-13 15:04:11

I think your mates need to remember their manners.
For what it's worth, my most hell raising friend did just what you're proposing for her hen and everyone had a great time. Far from boring, and we were all relieved to not have to fly to some crap place on Ryanair.
Honestly, you do what you want, your mates will come and they'll have a laugh. You've thought out different things for them to do over the duration, it's hardly the Big Brother House.

bugsyburge Mon 22-Apr-13 15:09:21

I'm bias because this is what I did for mine but I don't think any of my friends found it boring.... particularly as they didn't all know each other so it gave everyone chance to get to know each other before the wedding... now some of them are really good friends

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 15:13:23

I only do weekend long hens if they involve my pre existing friends. Can't be bothered risking an expensive weekend on people I might not like.

Toasttoppers Mon 22-Apr-13 15:32:32

I must admit neither appeal to me, too long and not keen on spa days being mauled by beauty therapists. The hen do L plate thing sounds horrific but at least not a whole weekend.

I just had a dinner and then drinks and a club and let my friends know they could come along for all or part of it.

Mehrida Mon 22-Apr-13 15:48:48

I've just come back from a weekend like that (not a hen do tho) and we had an awesome time. I've also been to a hen night like that and we had a good laugh then too.

I am 'the organiser' amongst my friends so I've organised loads of non-city hen dos and we usually do activities during the day, this has included everything from a verniculour railway trip to pottery classes to pole dancing lessons.

Not everyone (me included!) would necessarily enjoy everything but the point is that they should pretend make the effort to enjoy it if that's what the hen wants.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 22-Apr-13 16:06:35

God, your friends are rude. Manners?

Personally I would love a weekend in a cottage with my close friends - we don't get to see enough of each other now. I suppose it does depend on the mixture of people coming, and how confident the 'outsiders' are. Still, if you have, for example, a group of close friends, then a few other friends who don't know the rest, it's not as though you/your group would exclude the others, is it? You'd all try to make them feel welcome and make friends.

Fwiw, my hen do was v low-key as we were all 23 and no one had much money. My close friends came and stayed in my flat, slept on the floor like a big sleepover, and we got trashed there the first night. The second night they had booked a room in a bar and we got v dressed up (burlesque theme, corsets and feather boas - no L plates!), but tbh we were all so wrecked from the previous night that we were home by 1am!

Elderwand Mon 22-Apr-13 16:14:19

That sounds lovely! Go for it!

For my hen do we stayed at my place and had a pamper evening, dvd's etc the following day we all did the race for life! smile

Good luck op! grin

Crinkle77 Mon 22-Apr-13 16:21:42

YANBU. I would much rather do that than spend the night traipsing round a load of bars. I can't be bothered with all that anymore.

ouryve Mon 22-Apr-13 16:22:54

If they don't fancy it, I'd consider them uninvited and treat yourself to a spa day, instead.

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 16:23:22

Oh God, if someone suggested I do the Race for Life ad a hen weekend activity I would definitely politely decline.

Charleymouse Mon 22-Apr-13 16:25:39

Personally a couple of nights/days is something I would rather spend my money/time on with my family.

I don't know why "hen night/stag night " turned into overnighters never mind weekends and weeks in some cases.

I agree with you with regard to the traditional do, I didnt want too much of a fuss and deffo no strippers/lurid pink t-shirts and kiss me quick hats.

I didn't even have a "hen night" DH and I had a slap up meal with all the members of our wedding party (plus a few extras) followed by a drink in a pub (with some more extras). We took over a restaurant and all had a great laugh and it made the wedding nicer that all of the people who had some sort of role on the day knew other people.

Check if childcare is an issue, as I am going on a hen overnighter in May and DH is already flapping as our youngest is 3 and still BF morning and night. Not many people in real life are aware of that.

The Spa 1877 on West Street is available for private hire on Saturday nights, we considered doing something active in the day (climbing wall at The Edge) then booking the spa just for us, (it worked out at £20 per person if 20 went) followed by a meal out at BBs or somewhere round West One then a late nighter at the Comedy Club in the City Hall. This would allow people with different commitments to drop into the bits of the day/evening that appealed to their tastes and budgets.

If they want a knees up party night get them to organise one. You do what you want to do on your hen night, just don't expect everyone else to have the same tastes/budgets etc.

LynetteScavo Mon 22-Apr-13 16:27:35

Will your fiends want to/be able to spend a couple of nights away if they have DC?

I wouldn't mind sitting around drinking and chatting, but a chocolate tasting day? That sounds painful. I'd rather just stuff a load of choclates in my mouth while I was sitting in the hot tub. I wouldn't drop any, honest!

cardamomginger Mon 22-Apr-13 16:40:44

Sounds lovely. Can I come too?

cheeseandchive Mon 22-Apr-13 16:44:45

Really sorry your friends seem to be being a bit too honest, it's your weekend - YANBU!

FWIW, my hen weekend was similar and had loads of girls say it was their favourite ever! We went on a canal cruise with lunch, pottered round the shops, dinner in with games and champagne and breakfast out the next day. actually wasn't very expensive either, though my parents did subsidise some of the food/wine, as people were coming from a distance and I wanted to make it affordable.

Maybe you could tell your friends you'd like a low-key weekend, but see if they have any suggestions of other activities you could also do if you wanted. Maybe a mix of activity in the day followed by night in (with games tournament/mr+mrs games/film etc?) and maybe a wander/coffee/local tourist attraction on the Sunday?

Hopefully you will be able to find that happy medium!

PipkinsPal Mon 22-Apr-13 16:49:22

Sounds great. Even though I am in my mid 40's I would have hated, L Plates, Strippers, t-shirts emblazoned "Girls on Tour" or whatever when I was younger. It's your hen party. If your friends don't appreciate it that it's your choice then I'm afraid they don't appear to be friends who are given the honour of being your hens.

FreudiansSlipper Mon 22-Apr-13 16:53:07

my friends hen night is a meal at a really really nice restaurant then off to a really nice cocktail bar then home

that is enough for me a whole weekend would be too much, too much pressure enjoy myself i am a grumpy bitch when i have a hangover

Cerisier Mon 22-Apr-13 16:53:14

I am another who would decline. I don't like spas and I don't like hot tubs. A weekend of walking in the hills, with evenings in the pub would be good. I prefer one evening out rather than a whole weekend away though for this sort of thing. Women en masse can be hard work to me after a few hours unless we are very close friends.

Cerisier Mon 22-Apr-13 16:54:03

Freudian- that sounds perfect.

fallon8 Mon 22-Apr-13 16:54:13

Sounds great,especially for the mums...who wants "energetic" and you would have to wear all that awful Lyrca gear and look a thanks

wherearemysocka Mon 22-Apr-13 17:02:05

I think it sounds great - and people can always dip in and out for whichever bits they fancy - if childcare means they can only do a bit of it, then that's no problem, unlike a weekend in Barcelona! I've been on city ones and have never been keen, too much traisping around in a big group, not able to see anything you want to because nobody will make a decision.

To be honest I hate all the activities on a hen do - 'first we're going to go waterskiing and then off road driving and then in the afternoon we're going to do a dance class and after that a cocktail making session! Woohooo!' Sounds like a school trip to me, all too overorganised and forced. Your idea sounds relaxed and nice. If it's in the country you can always plan some walks if the weather's OK.

Fleecyslippers Mon 22-Apr-13 17:05:01

I wouldn't consider a hen do in the Peak district in February - sorry. The weather is usually grim and the risk of snow/blocked dangerous roads is too great.

I tend to think that if the friends are having to pay for it they do get some say, it does sounds as though it is going to cost a fortune and possibly need time off work, in top of spending money to come to the wedding.

How about cut it back to Friday night start, nice meal out, Saturday some sort of activity (whatever sounds most popular, outdoors would win my vote over spa), pub lunch or maybe lazy morning, brunch, activity and afternoon tea, go home Sunday morning. Also give people the option to arrive Saturday morning.

Inertia Mon 22-Apr-13 17:29:10

Fleecy is right - Peak District in February is too risky in terms of weather.

Having said that, the plans for the weekend sound lovely. Nice meals, spa, pubs, bit of countryside, champagne, lovely cottage- and I would love chocolate tasting as an activity!

Anyway, it's a bit rude of your friends- unless they'd happily accept a response along the lines of 'at least it's not tacky / stupidly expensive/ brain-numbing/ excruciatingly embarrassing like yours'.

To be honest, most people wouldn't choose most hen weekend activities if they could possibly avoid it- you go along with it for the sake of the bride, which is why it's important that the bride is happy with it.

For me, the key thing is that it's well-organised. I'll put up with a tacky nightclub playing shite music, or battling through the crush in a bar, or even karaoke- but the thing that drives me insane about a hen night is 20 people standing about failing to make any bloody decisions about what to eat/ where to go/ how to get there/ how to get back/ who goes with who/ who contributes what to the bill. Can't be doing with clueless dithering and fart-arsing about.

VenusRising Mon 22-Apr-13 17:34:22

I think it sounds lovely!

So what your friends don't like it : it's your hen, not theirs!

I presume you sat thought the strippers for them?
Now it's their turn smile

Seriously, I'd just have a spa treatment and a meal out locally with these gals, and save the money for a trip to the fjords / safari for yourself and your soon to be DH.

Just think, you could be in a hot tub with your man, looking up at the northern lights, or watching lions from the top of a jeep, and your gal pals can get a lovely postcard!!!!!

It's a no brainer for me I'm afraid!

GreenShadow Mon 22-Apr-13 17:35:17

Sounds like an absolutely wonderful weekend - don't change your plans to suit others (apart from maybe the dodgy Peak District in Feb bit)

VenusRising Mon 22-Apr-13 17:35:48

Sorry about all the exclamation marks smile

GrowSomeCress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:42:00

Horrible friends sad sounds lovely!

All the L-plates and drinking things are just very cringey and tacky

lljkk Mon 22-Apr-13 17:45:58

It's a lot of time to commit to OP. I could imagine a local spa day as a sub for a hen-do, maybe with a nice bottle of wine, but not a whole weekend of hot-tubbing far drive away.

I thought I had a boring hen-do (NB I have never been on any other hen-do and until recently had no idea they were supposed to involve raucous behaviour & copious consumption of alcohol). We just had a meal in a restaurant, some nice drink, long chat. Silly me thought that was plenty!

BornInACrossFireHurricane Mon 22-Apr-13 17:46:06

It sounds gorgeous. I think you should forget the friends and invite some of us lot instead grin

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 17:47:18

I don't think the friends are 'horrible'. If it was just a night out in town well then yes, go along with whatever the hen wants. But once you ask people to spend two days and two nights celebrating your upcoming nuptials well then I think they're entitled to have some input into what you do.

I'd really enjoy the cottage aspect of it, and some bracing walks, perhaps a quaint pub or two to stop in at. I'd probably not do the spa day.

I'd leave it loosey goosey and not organise anything, make sure you take some music, a lot of fine wine and food, a few board games, poker perhaps, and leave everyone to enjoy as they want.

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 17:51:39

One of the key things to a successful hen weekend is not to expect all people to join in all activities.

I didn't want to learn how to pole dance so I said no to that. No one cared.

DisneyDiva87 Mon 22-Apr-13 17:51:43

That is pretty much what a bunch of us are doing for my pals hen do. It's way more fun to get slightly drunk together with mates, have a laugh, confess secrets and such like that to go to a club where you can't speak to each other, drink to oblivion and not remember any of it the next day. Just because your pals can't get out anymore because they have kids, that is their problem not yours so just do what you want. They'll probably enjoy it once they get there anyway.

featherbag Mon 22-Apr-13 17:53:15

If your mates aren't up for it I'll come, sounds like heaven! I was railroaded into a pub-crawl in a well-know Northern party town, not my cup of tea at all!

squoosh Mon 22-Apr-13 17:55:15

Try and arrange to have some sexy single farmers in the locale for the weekend. A potential roll in a hay loft would certainly encourage me to attend.

Viviennemary Mon 22-Apr-13 17:56:18

I suppose younger people would find that boring as it seems to be the thing to go clubbing and live it up. I don't think a weekend in a cottage with a bunch of women is very appealing to even older people!

MrsClown1 Mon 22-Apr-13 17:59:57

OP - sounds great, can I come!

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 18:15:39

Wow all, I had no idea this discussion was still going!

Thanks so much for all the great feedback.

I'll take all your comments on board and make sure it's affordable, that people don't have to come for the whole weekend if they don't want, that we have a snow backup plan, and that the 'activities' are both varied and non-compulsory. Phew, this is almost as complicated as the wedding to organise! smile

thistlelicker Mon 22-Apr-13 18:19:28

I think it sounds lovey for a weekend away with girls. But IMO lacks something thrilling or exciting to make it memorable! Isn't that the basis of hen nights! The last night of freedom before marriage! Hen nights vary but primarily it's your decision but I think u need to look at bigger picture

That's one of the reasons I didn't have one, the organising aspect, it was bad enough doing the wedding! I didn't really see the point as we were all going to see each other at the wedding anyway. Entire weekends away didn't seem to be the thing when my friends and I all got married 15-20 years ago though, it was usually just a meal out.

Anyway, it's not about me. You sounds as though you are being very considerate towards your friends and I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Bogeyface Mon 22-Apr-13 18:49:42

I live just down the road from Matlock and I wouldnt stay there tbh. I also wouldnt touch the peaks in Feburary, there is no "snow back up plan" if it snows like it did this year there will be no hen weekend as you wont be able to get there!

I agree too that a whole weekend is a lot to ask of people with children, especially if their other halves will be going to your Fiances stag do, and then they will be going to your wedding. Also, what you consider to be affordable, with your double income and no children, may be vastly different to what they consider affordable.

What would you consider to be a reasonable amount to spend per person for the weekend before extras such as drinks, meals out etc?

Roseformeplease Mon 22-Apr-13 19:00:56

Cottage to me sounds like arguing over the washing up. Like the sound of the other activities. Why not one night in a hotel where they can turn up just for the evening / night or for the weekend for spa activities. You should get some good deals in Feb, people can choose whether to share rooms or not and can dip in and out with a core meal / drinking.

MysteriousHamster Mon 22-Apr-13 19:03:03

It sounds lovely, I just would make it one night instead of two and then people won't see it as a holiday away from their family. But go for it!

CaptainSweatPants Mon 22-Apr-13 19:05:46

maybe they can only afford a night out?

are you paying for the cottage, chocolate thing and spa?

sounds like £££s to me

CaptainSweatPants Mon 22-Apr-13 19:06:12

I doubt you can rent a cottage just for a night can you??

spanky2 Mon 22-Apr-13 19:13:04

I had a meal out with friends and a couple of glasses of wine and a stripper (at my request ) !! Why are hen and stag do's so long nowadays ? I think your friends are abit rude tbh .

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