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to think that my dh wouldn't be so laid back about bedtimes if he was the one who had to get them up for school in the morning

(62 Posts)
chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 21:30:39

dh obviously can't take them to school because he has to leave for work at 630. The dc are a nightmare to get up in the morning and to get ready. I therefore want them to go to bed at a reasonable time. However every night dh is the same. Saying its only 7 or 730 or 745 or whatever. aaah its so frustrating! angry

redskyatnight Sun 21-Apr-13 21:44:24

Well ... it sort of depends. How old are the DC and how much sleep do you think they need? 7/7.30/7.45 not particularly unreasonable depending on both of these.

I know with my DC, DS will be jumping out of bed pretty much regardless of what time he goes to bed, whereas DD is much harder.

McNewPants2013 Sun 21-Apr-13 21:45:33

what time does he get home.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 21-Apr-13 21:48:29

dp is like this, they can take an age to get into bed. but since I'm the one who does all the hollering in the morning when I've asked seven times why Noone is having breakfast at 8am they go to bed when I say and he has to accept it. if he let's them stay up then in the morning its up to him to chivvy along sleepy grumpy small folk

chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 21:50:45

they are 5 and 7. They are tired in the evening and if they go to bed late they are very difficult to get up in the morning. Even when they go to bed they don't go to sleep straight away as they have stories etc but that's fine by me. They go to sleep and settle quite quickly after that though so not being tired etc is not an issue

chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 21:53:31

yes it should be up to me when they go to bed. I just know that tomorrow morning I will be dragging them out of bed with cries of I'm so tired and I don't want to go to school etc etcsad

BlackeyedSusan Sun 21-Apr-13 21:53:46

ah yes. I shall have the same problem in the morning, when dad has left and buggered off home. one to get to school and a poorly one to take along for the ride. small boy will not be happy going to school when big sister is at home ill.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 21-Apr-13 21:55:23

I hate it when they go to bed late the next morning I have to say the same things ten times over and they bicker more too

chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 21:58:21

exactly but dh won't be there though to witness all this will he? sad

Snazzynewyear Sun 21-Apr-13 21:59:55

If they're saying they're tired in the mornings, then they need to go to bed earlier. That's even without considering what you need to make life manageable in the mornings. Tell your DH that since they tell you every morning they are tired, they need more sleep. Early bedtime it is.

McNewPants2013 Sun 21-Apr-13 22:01:42

i would get him to book a week off work and do the school runs.

chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 22:04:29

I've tried telling him but he has this attitude of out of sight out of mind for a lot of things. They are so hard to get out of bed and especially to wake up. They really are tired in the mornings

chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 22:06:04

hmm a week off work? Tempting but I would rather he saved his leave for the holidays

PoppyWearer Sun 21-Apr-13 22:07:56

BlackEyedSusan sympathies, I have a poorly one too. I put my foot down and have insisted DH go to work late tomorrow, so he can take DC1 to school and poorly DC2 doesn't have to be dragged out.

Funnily enough, DH got quite insistent on early bedtime once we had agreed that! He is also normally quite relaxed about it....

MintyyAeroEgg Sun 21-Apr-13 22:10:08

What time do you want them to get up?

My dc have never gone to bed before 8pm and have never got up before 7am (except when they were toddlers) but that suits me fine as we don't have to leave for school run until 8.45. Dh very rarely leaves the house for work before 9am.

I prefer later get ups to later go-to-beds, tbh.

Jinsei Sun 21-Apr-13 22:11:38

What time do you need to get them up, OP?

chocoholic05 Sun 21-Apr-13 22:14:40

we have to leave the house by 815 at the very latest. They are so slow getting ready as they are so tired. I need to have woken them up by 730 at the absolute latest and really that is pushing it imo 715 is better.

Doubtitsomehow Sun 21-Apr-13 22:21:00

It sounds as if you need to get the message home to your DH, op.

What does he say when you discuss it? Can you agree a time and stick to it?

It sounds unfair on the children as well as on you; it must be miserable getting up and going to school,when feeling so tired.

Jinsei Sun 21-Apr-13 22:24:24

It seems odd that they're both so tired at that time if they're sleeping at the times you mention. Or are they actually going to sleep a lot later because your DH let's them stay up? How much sleep do you think they actually need? Yanbu to enforce an early bedtime if they clearly aren't getting enough, but they don't get up particularly early so I'm surprised.

Snazzynewyear Sun 21-Apr-13 22:50:51

This NHS advice page suggests that 5 yos need 11 hours a night and 7 yos need 10.5 hours. Of course this will vary from one chid to another. My DS loves his sleep and will sleep easily for 11 hours or more, but he is bouncy then when he gets up. These DC aren't which suggests however much sleep they're getting atm it's not enough.

SpanishFly Sun 21-Apr-13 23:07:27

I'm surprised that they tell you they're tired. My ds1 would never admit he's tired as he knows it'd be early to bed that night.

What time do they ACTUALLY go to sleep? Kids shouldn't be "so tired" that they go on about it every morning and take forever to get dressed as a result (every morning).

What time do they sleep until on days off?

StuntGirl Sun 21-Apr-13 23:36:54

Quite frankly I'd simply put my foot down and tell him he needs to get on side with me on this, and that it's non-negotiable. His opinion on it is utterly irrelevant when he does not see or deal with it at all. If you say they are too tired to function in the mornings because you are the one who sees them and deals with the fall out of that tiredness, then you get to call the shots.

You say he works early. Does he come home late too? Could it be that he wants to be able to spend more time with them and that's why he's being so lax about bedtimes?

Kungfutea Mon 22-Apr-13 01:51:17

Oooh, I have a similar problem. DH is a great dad but a bit of a pushover and not very organized with kids. He leaves for work early (before 6) and is home to pick kids up from school. I work regular hours plus commute plus rarely manage to leave at 5 on the dot so usually home too late to sort out the evening. My heart sinks when I walk in at 8 and they're still doing homework.

We all have to be up at 6.15 and they're a nightmare to wake up so clearly need more sleep as they end up with dark circles around their eyes by the end of the week.

DH agrees and agrees but doesn't manage to do it!!! There's always a reason why not.

You have my sympathies OP!!!

Sugarice Mon 22-Apr-13 06:19:15

What time are they going to bed?

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 07:11:35

this'll be quick as I should be getting ready. Dh quite often works long hours. He varies what time he gets home usually by 630. But yesterday was Sunday and he's always off weekends. it's not always its always its only 730 etc for the bedtime sometimes it's regarding bath time or its only 730 let them watch half an hour of tv first etc etc. Anyway got to go I'm going in to wake them up! !!

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 07:12:31

by 630 latest. Tonight should be home by 5 etc

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:01:19

sorry if my last posts made no sense. Meant my dh varies in the time he gets home but usually by 630 but sometimes later and often earlier. He does do long hours and it's a long drive to work.

SpanishFly Mon 22-Apr-13 09:03:03

When do they actually go to bed and when do they go to sleep?

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Mon 22-Apr-13 09:04:14

We only have to leave the house at 8.40 and we get up at 7.00!

What time do they go up and what time do they usually fall asleep by? My dd's ( almost 3 and almost 6) go up by 7 or just after, getting them changed and stories takes about 30 minutes and they're usually asleep by 7.45 latest. Both up at six (sigh).

MortifiedAdams Mon 22-Apr-13 09:17:01

Bath at 6.30, stay upstairs after it, stories and bed by 7.15. DH can do all of that, so he gets the time with them.

jester68 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:39:53

My 2 are aged 7 and nearly 3.

They have bath at 6.
Then after being dressed for bed they come down for supper.

Back upstairs by 7 for brushing teeth and a story.
Youngest is asleep for 7.30. Eldest between 7.30-8.

They get up between 7-7.30 (wake themselves- only ever use the alarm just in case).

We leave the house for school/preschool run at 8.40 am

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:43:59

jester 68 apart from the supper bit thats a similar routine I want for my dc. I used to have it too but since dh has been in this job its all gone out the Window!

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:45:14

so bath for 630 unfortunately the bathroom is downstairs which doesn't help!

RenterNomad Mon 22-Apr-13 09:47:34

No tv in the mornings or after supper here, as I find it too open ended.

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:49:09

mine rarely wake themselves. Ds1 was permanently attached to my waist this morning complaining of being tired and refusing to get dressed. We just about made it on time! And my stress levels were sky high not a good morning! sad

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:51:42

i would love to enforce a no tv after tea rule but dh just refuses and says its only this time etc but you're right it's too open ended in my opinion.

Squitten Mon 22-Apr-13 09:52:49

So take some control OP!

Why are you allowing this to continue when your DC's sleep is evidently suffering? Just tell your kids it's bedtime and get them upstairs! If your DH argues about it, tell him you'll discuss it after the kids are in bed and have the row later on. Assert yourself!

Sugarice Mon 22-Apr-13 09:53:56

What time do they go to bed?

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:56:37

since my dh started this job it varies for reasons i have already said. I'm not only battling against my boys reluctance to go to bed but I'm also battling against my dh and my boys no it and pick up on it!

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:55

meant my boys know it obviously! I'm on the phone!

fgs, take some control woman.

turn the damn telly off, take them to bed.. never mind what your DH thinks. You TELL him THIS is how its going to be and you DO it.

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 09:59:40

I often feel ganged up on!

StuntGirl Mon 22-Apr-13 09:59:52

Does sound to me like its because he rarely gets to see them. That said is he actually doing anything with them or are they just 'there' while he is?

He's playing the 'fun dad' card and thats not fair on you. I agree with mortified, he does the bedtime routine from now on to allow him to spend some quality time with the kids and the kids to get a decent bed time!

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 10:00:54

ok I need to be more assertive! starting tonight! smile

livinginwonderland Mon 22-Apr-13 10:04:39

it seems to be like he wants it to be later so he can see his kids. it must be hard to be a parent and be at work all day, and to see your kids for thirty minutes when you get home and are still probably in "work mode".

Squitten Mon 22-Apr-13 10:20:56

Good for you OP - good luck and be strong!

It sucks being the working parent who doesn't get to spend much time with the kids but the kids can't be allowed to suffer just so the working parent can feel better. Make sure your DH is fully involved with the bedtime routine and does the baths and the stories, etc.

Sugarice Mon 22-Apr-13 12:10:35

You still haven't said what time they go to bed if your H lets them stay up, just curious.

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 12:25:49

well it varies immensely so no consistency really but a good night nearer 8 asleep by 830 or ay worse 830 asleep by 9. Bear in mind that my reception child is finding school very tiring. He often won't eat his tea because he is so tired however my dh often doesn't see that either especially as on days like that I trut to give him his tea early. It's strange he perks up as soon as dh walks in!

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 12:27:23

oh and he is still my dh! He may irritate me sometimes but I love him really! smile

Doubtitsomehow Mon 22-Apr-13 12:32:08

You are just going to have to set some rules and stick to them. It's not just about what your DH wants. It's about your kids' well being.

I'm not surprised your reception aged child is knackered. Going to bed at 9 and getting up at 7.15 is late for a child of that age.

Get it sorted, op. put your kids first and tell your DH this is how it's going to be. Ask him to work with you to ensure that your kids have the sleep they need to be healthy, to have sufficient energy for school and to be able to learn.

RenterNomad Mon 22-Apr-13 14:57:20

Your H is being a twat, then. It would be great if he had to drag the kids out of bed at HIS getting-up time: isn't there an important pre-school errand coming up...? wink

He may be their parent, too, but that doesn't entitle him to undermine you about the tv and bedtime business, especially if the kids are tired.

Have you got a parents' evening coming up, at which the teachers could be primed to speak up on this subject?

PeterParkerSays Mon 22-Apr-13 15:13:39

My DH leave for work at 6.25. DS (3) used to sit on the landing and cry quietly to himself that his dad had gone out of the house whilst he was still asleep, so if DS hasn't woken up by 6.15, i'll get him up to see his dad before he goes to work.

You could do the same - everyone up at 6.15 to have breakfast with dad... grin

If you asked DH what time the children should be asleep, what would he say? Work back from that time together: Neville reads for 15 minutes, Lucas needs 2 stories, which takes 20 minutes, bath takes 20 minutes etc. to an agreed start time for getting ready for bed.

Snazzynewyear Mon 22-Apr-13 16:38:34

Can he try and alternate nights working till 'normal' time and nights where he gets away on the dot so that he can get home earlier and have a bit more time with them? Or even agree that one night only every week they can stay up a bit later (pref. Friday...) but the other nights they have to be earlier to bed? One late night would not trouble them as much if they were regularly getting good nights of sleep.

PeterParker's suggestion is also worth considering - switch the day around so they get their dad time at the start.

9 is definitely too late for a reception age child who has to get up at that time, and even 8 is on the late side compared to my DS. The DC must feel wretchedly tired, and it must be affecting their school performance and moods - remind your DH of all this.

Doubtitsomehow Mon 22-Apr-13 16:49:41

let us know how you get on tonight OP...

YoniRaver Mon 22-Apr-13 17:00:37

When we were struggling with DS getting ready in the morning (just dawdling and getting waylaid) we found it helped to do a time chart. Get them to help you make it something simple like

Bath x time

Story x time

Bed x time

Etc

So it was there in black and white what happened at what time

If this fails use it to batter your DH

chocoholic05 Mon 22-Apr-13 19:48:09

well ds2 asleep by 730 maybe earlier and ds1 asleep by 745! smile result I think!

chocoholic05 Tue 23-Apr-13 09:45:37

The boys got up so much earlier this morning 655 and 7 and willingly too! They got dressed with no stress and arguments no grumpiness because of tiredness. They were ready on time we left on time and we got to school on time! All without the usual stress hassle and nagging that I normally have to do every morning! I didn't think such a morning was even possible long may it continue! !!grin smile

SpanishFly Tue 23-Apr-13 10:43:14

isnt it interesting how JUST the right amount of sleep completely changes their moods?
Glad you had an easier - sounds easier than most of my mornings smile

chocoholic05 Tue 23-Apr-13 10:45:23

although I do think that the fact that ds1 was doing something at school today that he was really excited about probably helped a lot!

StuntGirl Tue 23-Apr-13 11:35:19

Oh lovely chocoholic, I'm glad. It will benefit your boys loads, which is the main thing! How did you get your husband onside?

chocoholic05 Tue 23-Apr-13 11:42:21

well last night was really not a typical evening as he wasn't feeling too good after dental treatment so I think he would have agreed to anything tbh! I also think he was only too happy to get them off to bed. In the nicest possible way! Also I explained to him what they were like yesterday morning and I was just more assertive and firm than usual! grin Especially regarding no tv after bath time.

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