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HELP! Police at my door - apparently I have committed an offence.........

(651 Posts)
TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:20:36

Police just came as they have received a complaint against me.

Yesterday afternoon I nip to Tesco after school pick up. No P&C spaces so I park further down in a row of which is almost all empty spaces. I have a large 7 seater (4 DC) and get fed up of people parking so close that I can't get the toddler into his car seat without a struggle, so I park a quarter way over the next space hoping no one will park in that space as there are plenty more empty spaces next to it. I rush round, get a call from DD as she has forgotten her keys and is waiting outside the front door at home, so go quicker, get outside and find some BUFFOON has parked in the space I have parked over, so close that I can only just about get the door open on the toddler's side. The next space was empty!

As a see this, I hold my hands up and say to the DC, 'For gods sake, why did this idiot have to park so close' not seeing that there is a teenage boy sat in the car. I was not actually talking TO him at that point.

Conversation then goes something like this:
Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along'. He says' you should'nt have parked over the line'. I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it. He says 'well we can park where we like as well'. I tell him it would be common decency for his father to make sure the next car can open their doors. As I am in a rush, I try to squeeze DS through the door, hitting his head in the process. He starts crying. The boy in the next car laughs. I take the trolley back muttering 'tosser' to myself and give him an evil stare as I drive off furious at myself for not parking in the middle of 2 spaces and for even having a dialogue with the boy.

So police just came and said I had committed a public disorder offence as I was 'shouting, screaming and swearing' at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety. The boy wants a written apology from me and if I do that, it will not go any further. Otherwise I will have be interviewed and give a written statement.

I have said that I am not apologising as I have not committed any offence and the boy was mouthing back to me very confidently and did definitely not look anxious to me! I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression and this has completely knocked me for 6.

The police will call me to arrange an interview next week. I can't believe it. I am pretty sure I did not even raise my voice. There was no one else about except my DCs and they are adamant I did not shout or swear (I have even started doubting myself). I am going back to the store on Monday to request the CCTV footage but they are not sure if anything will show up in the car park and it probably won't have picked up my voice anyway to prove I was not shouting.

I cannot understand how the police can tell me that if I write an apology, they will drop it, when they have no proof that I did anything. They were making out I was guilty angry. Does this constitute a public disorder offence? I was just about to go out with the DCs to park before the police came. I am frozen with fear now.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:23:30

I was just about to go out with the DCs to THE park before the police came.

mybelovedmonster Sat 20-Apr-13 16:24:16

Dear god...

PregnantPain Sat 20-Apr-13 16:24:23

Call their bluff don't apologise, you know you did nothing wrong and you should stand your ground. Teenage boy should know not to speak to strangers anyway!

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sat 20-Apr-13 16:24:39

I am amazed that you thought it was ok to park your car like that. The rest of the incident? Just write the note and move on.

PregnantPain Sat 20-Apr-13 16:24:56

Oh and if he was that anxious why did he draw attention to himself by laughing??

Yonionekanobe Sat 20-Apr-13 16:25:11

You may well find his father or mother is a police officer. I can't for my life think why the police would bother spending time on this otherwise.

mybelovedmonster Sat 20-Apr-13 16:25:38

And park on the end of a row or at the back of the carpark in future. You can't park over 2 spaces like that.

If you did not shout or swear then tell the police that.

Any CCTV that may back you up? I know there would be no sound, but your body language and mouth movements could back you up.

LessMissAbs Sat 20-Apr-13 16:27:40

Were there any other witnesses? ...

Loads of people with big cars and DC to get out of them park over two spaces. It's not a big deal - bit annoying close to the shop but hardly crime of the century.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 16:28:08

Essentially you were in the wrong parking in two spaces.
You were in the wrong getting into an argument / discussion with a teenage boy about it
You were wrong to have a go at him about his Dad's parking (even though you caused the problem in the first place by parking over two bays)

I don't think it is a police matter assuming what you say is totally true and assuming he didn't hear you calling him a tosser but for the record - you are the one at fault here not him

magimedi Sat 20-Apr-13 16:28:25

I don't think the police can demand that you send a written apology or it will go further.

I think I'd be so cross that I would be contacting a solicitor - they very often give half an hour's advice for free/very little.

I would repost this on the lgal board here, as well - lots of very knowledgeable people there.

sarahbean123 Sat 20-Apr-13 16:29:50

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:30:09

Whether or not you are amazed at me parking like that, is neither here nor there. There were plenty of other spaces to park in. I was not affecting anybody. I am sure the guy did it on purpose.

I always make sure cars either side can open their doors when I park. It gets on my tits when people park so close you can't open the doors properly.

How old was the lad 13 or 18 or somewhere in between? I'm guessing that although you have anxiety you didn't look particularly anxious to him either.

You were annoyed and mouthed off at the wrong person, I can see why you did it but its not on to be arguing with kids about what their parents have done.

I'd just write the note and be done with it tbh, the cctv won't have sound on it anyway.

It must have been a horrible shock to have the police show up like that though, I would have been shitting myself sad hopefully you still manage to get out for a bit today.

Pendipidy Sat 20-Apr-13 16:30:34

Actually you did do something wrong. You parked over the next space when you shouldn't have. I have a seven seater too and yes it is a pain when people park too close to get child in the car seat but that doesn't give you the right to take up another space or part of one. You should have parked more over the other way if you need more room , that is what i do, but still within my space.

I can't comment on the public disorder thing as i wasn't there, but you cannot expect nor demand people to park somewhere that suits you, not them. And you are in the wrong for getting annoyed at them when they didn't do anything wrong, you did!

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:30:53

I'm with Yoni. The police coming round an demanding you write a letter of apology??? confused Don't you need some witnesses other than the teenager anyway? Sounds very odd.

Lovelygoldboots Sat 20-Apr-13 16:31:14

I would write an extremely apologetic letter begging their forgiveness. I think involving the police was ridiculous but you need to get rid of them. Drink this wine

livinginwonderland Sat 20-Apr-13 16:31:27

don't park across two spaces then.

reelingintheyears Sat 20-Apr-13 16:33:24

Tell the Police to FUCK OFF.

That should do the trick.

MrsMacFarlane Sat 20-Apr-13 16:33:31

You shouldn't have parked over the 2 spaces or got into a dialogue with the boy in the car, however, this has happened. I too am very surprised that the police have followed this up, I would have thought they had far better things to do. They cannot prove that you did what the boy has accused you of. You didn't physically assault him and as far as I can tell, no crime has been committed so I doubt they can MAKE you write a letter of apology. I can't see how they can take the matter further as it's one party's word against another and impossible to prove. I would call their bluff and ignore it.

TidyDancer Sat 20-Apr-13 16:33:47

I'm stunned the police got involved, but I suppose they have to act on good faith that the kid was telling the truth.

I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up being shamed on youparklikeacunt.com/ though. Because....well....yeah....

Tee2072 Sat 20-Apr-13 16:33:49

Sounds like police harassment to me. There is no law requiring a written apology for being an idiot, which is what you were for both parking over the line and speaking to the boy.

Call a solicitor.

EnlightenedOwl Sat 20-Apr-13 16:33:53

This is something which if you're not careful is going to escalate. Make the apology.
also whatever the circs don't park over two spaces. Its not on.

TheFallenNinja Sat 20-Apr-13 16:34:01

Never tell the police fuck all. They are now the extension of every jumped up dickhead with an ace to grind. At best this is he said/she said. Demanding apologies is as pointless as it is demeaning.

I course the child has anxiety.

I repeat. Never tell the police fuck all.

BabyMakesTheYoniGoStretchy Sat 20-Apr-13 16:34:06

Write a note.

Dear Teenage Boy

I am very sorry that your father is an idiot. Please tell your father I am also sorry that his son is lying toad.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 16:34:19

How did the police find you?

Allalonenow Sat 20-Apr-13 16:34:42

The teenager can't have been that shaken, since he was able to think clearly enough to note your registration number.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:34:46

Is parking across 2 spaces an offence then? A bigger offence than making up false allegations to the police? If someone has parked over a line in the car park, would you deliberately park close to them to prove a point when you could have parked in the next empty space?

make sure that you are not accepting a conditional caution by writing an apologu as this will appear on any crb checks in the future

TenBitSailor Sat 20-Apr-13 16:35:02

Tell us the boy's age please

EnlightenedOwl Sat 20-Apr-13 16:35:20

Am wondering if there was CCTV of the incident and on the basis of that, the police have acted. Ok may not have picked up words but proof an incident occurred.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:35:37

They found me from my registration number.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 16:36:09

You don't seem to understand the concept of marked parking bays.
The fact you can't get into your car sometimes isn't other people's fault. The bays are marked and if someone is fully inside their bay, that is fine.
The fact you can't open your door because your car is too wide is annoying but not their problem.
People have to check they are inside the lines not check the person next to them has room to get a toddler in and out.

You had a go (raised voice or not) at a boy who had nothing to do with your bad parking and the problems it caused when his Dad parked next to you. Just apologise and move on.

Do you think it was a scam of some sort?

Maybe they were hoping you would chip their car door with yours and the boy was sat there as a witness so they could claim on their insurance?

Just keep on denying it. No proof, no apology.

CaffeDoppio Sat 20-Apr-13 16:36:49

Incredible! I couldn't even get the Police out to deal with my vandalised car windows a couple of weeks back. Crime number, very sorry, move on, nothing to see here!
Get a solicitor and tell them to fuck the fuck off.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 20-Apr-13 16:37:03

Well, of course you shouldn't have parked across two spaces, but I'm sure you know that.

If someone chooses to park next to someone who has done that, in a half empty car park, then they are always doing it to make some sort of point, which is childish.

I would say to the police that you will not be cooperating as you deny any wrongdoing whatsoever, so if they have proof then they should feel free to charge you and take it to court and prove it in court, because you will not be writing any sort of apology to anyone.

SarahAndFuck Sat 20-Apr-13 16:37:56

OP are you a regular who has name-changed?

You need to take some legal advice before you go to the meeting with the police and before writing any notes to apologise.

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:38:06

But there were plenty of empty spaces, so parking over 2 wasn't a huge deal in this situation.

I don't understand any of this. Usually when you ring the police about anything they don't come out do they?

soverylucky Sat 20-Apr-13 16:38:24

Write the apology if that is the end of the matter. Go over the top in your gushing acceptance of blame. You will never see the lad again - you don't have to mean a word of it.

someone vandalised our car, we had cctv evidence and it still took 6 weeks for an actual pc to come to our house and take a statement.

saulaboutme Sat 20-Apr-13 16:38:40

Reelingintheyears lol!!

Sorry,yabu OP. And you know you are...

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 16:38:42

It is indeed madness that the police bother about such trivia.

I wouldn't write a note of apology. If you have been accused of shouting, screaming and swearing then by writing an apology you are agreeing that you did shout, scream and swear.

If I have to use our very large van, it is amazing how many people decide to park right next to me even though I am at the far end of any car park surrounded by many empty spaces.

I phoned the 101 police number last week to report a car parked for many hours on the zigzags outside the local high school.
They were not in the slightest bit interested - told me to phone the local authority.
I had already phoned the school twice and they weren't interested either, even though it was 99% certain that the car belonged to a pupil.

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:38:49

Yes, post in Legal Matters and see if anyone knows.

pouffepants Sat 20-Apr-13 16:39:18

Be very wary of writing a letter apologising because you will be admitting commiting an offence.

Ds was caught trespassing on the campsite basketball court (playing basketball) behind our house. The previous owners allowed him to play there, and we didn't know there were new owners.

The police were fine when he explained but asked him to write a letter as community resolution anyway, which he did. We were told it wouldn't have any further implications. He then attempted to join the police cadets, and it showed up on his record, and will apparently be there for life. He will fail all further crb checks etc.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 16:39:36

Is there a chance the parent is backing up the boys story as a witness (even though they weren't there)?

Also, it could be the police are giving you an "easy" option if you had admitted the "offence" - and if you say you didn't do it thats when it gets taken further. confused

I suppose they have to investigate it though if its reported - even more so if a minor is involved? And confusedagain...

soverylucky Sat 20-Apr-13 16:39:37

Also - I am annoyed that police think that this is a good use of resources. I know people who have been burgled who had to wait days for a police response.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 16:40:29

I don't think the police are involved due to the parking issue but due to the OP beign accused of having a go (or as he says shouting and swearing at) at a lone child in a car park.

complexnumber Sat 20-Apr-13 16:40:54

What tiggy said.
You are at fault.

(Though I don't know about the written apology bit.)

(tbh, I'm not entirely sure this is for real, it's been a while since we have had a decent parking thread, especially one involving a 7 seater, and the inclusion of a gobby teenage male could be the touch of a real expert)

imour Sat 20-Apr-13 16:40:57

why have you got he right to park where you like just because you are in a rush , same can go for anyone then ,surely its common decency to park properly in the first place , if someone argued with my kid about my parking then they had better hope they were not there when i came back or they would have more than the police to worry about .

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:40:59

pouffe that is so sad. sad

YY to not writing the letter-you could get a criminal record. confused

You might want to check you haven't been posted on here

File a counter complaint about a parent leaving a minor suffering from anxiety alone in a parked car...

MrsMacFarlane Sat 20-Apr-13 16:42:01

No "offence" has been committed though. I've already replied in this thread but am beginning to think it's a trolly wind up.

magimedi Sat 20-Apr-13 16:42:16

Are you sure they were police? I'm not being funny - but it all seems a little odd to me. I wonder if boy's Dad had access to police & found your address that way?

I would seek legal advice before doing anything else - I really would.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sat 20-Apr-13 16:42:16

Well I'm still amazed and think you were wrong on every level.

LineRunner Sat 20-Apr-13 16:42:31

The Police do not get involved in civil matters.

How very odd.

Guitargirl Sat 20-Apr-13 16:42:54

Park your car properly or get a car that you can park properly.

Do food shopping online.

Stop mouthing off at teenagers you don't know in carparks.

If you don't want this to drag on and your anxiety to worsen write the letter of apology.

storytopper Sat 20-Apr-13 16:43:44

I am shocked that the police are asking you to write a letter of apology without even hearing your side of the story first - or are accepting the boy's word as gospel.

I think you should try to get some legal advice on this.

Guitargirl Sat 20-Apr-13 16:44:25

And by the way that space you said was empty next to him might not have been empty when he actually parked there. It always amazes me when drivers fail to realise that.

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read.

People park wrong all the time. Does that mean its ok that someone parks in the next space blocking their doors? I am not sure it does.

Like father like son I say. The father chose that space because he is a pendantic arsehole and the son had the police called because hes his fathers son.

Do not write an apology. Let the police prove that you are guilty. This is so ridiculous.

ivykaty44 Sat 20-Apr-13 16:45:22

I am shocked that they have the time to come to your home when you have not committed an offence to ask you to write a letter of apology. Dp they not have criminals round your way to deal with?

Bays in car parks are often to small and I have parked before now next to someone in a last space in the car park type situation, only to come out and find the cars all around me gone and leaving me looking like a right wally that I can't park

storytopper Sat 20-Apr-13 16:45:22

By the way - I'm not condoning the way you parked - you were out of order with that.

DilysPrice Sat 20-Apr-13 16:45:33

Mumsnetters regularly claim that they deliberately head for the person who has put their bag on a train seat (or who is sitting on an aisle seat to block a window seat) even if there are other seats free, just to make a point. Sounds like the father was playing the same game, and hence had decided you were a twat beforehand. No advice I'm afraid except the usual reminder, which is Never Accept a Caution Without Legal Advice, though I hope it doesn't get that far.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 20-Apr-13 16:45:33

I would not be writing that letter. I can honestly say that I have never parked across two bays (I drive a v small car) but if there were plenty of spaces I cannot see the problem.

The man involved is probably one of those strange people that get a kick out of confrontation.

TenBitSailor Sat 20-Apr-13 16:45:45

I love the way the police are dealing with a playground fracas like a playground fracas.

Write a letter of apology and be done with it or would you prefer a detention and lines?

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 16:46:46

The more I think about this the odder it seems.

If this is real, then my money's on the parent claiming to be a witness. And some embellishment on his and the boys part.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 16:46:50

No "offence" has been committed

Actually words or actions that cause a person alarm or distress is a criminal act not a civil one (public order offence)

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:47:20

See him in court.

NumTumDeDum Sat 20-Apr-13 16:47:54

If you make the apology you are essentially admitting the offence. You have no guarantee it will be dropped and could end up with a caution. It would be worth a quick call to a local solicitor.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:47:59

What exactly is the problem with parking over the line into another bay if there are plenty of other empty ones? Yes, I have a larger car and a large toddler to get into a car seat. If the spaces are not wide enough, why should'nt I park over if there are plenty of spaces left? Please explain?

No it's not anyone's else's problem if I can't get my toddler into my car and it's not mine if someone has to park 5ft over hmm. Absolute ignorance.

Anyway as I writing out this post, the police have just called and said the boy is not prepared to make a statement so they are not taking it any further. So they knock on my door and accuse me of an offence completely shitting me up, then just drop it angry. Why complain if they are going to see it through? Unbelievable.

He is 15 apparently.

MadBusLady Sat 20-Apr-13 16:48:23

the boy was mouthing back to me very confidently and did definitely not look anxious to me! I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression and this has completely knocked me for 6.

Well whatever you decide to do/say, don't say shitty things like this.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 20-Apr-13 16:48:46

Yy, write a note saying "I'm very sorry you've felt the need to lie to the police over this matter"

PaddingtonBearsDuffleCoat Sat 20-Apr-13 16:49:01

Parking issues aside,it sounds to me like the police want to deal with this by way of a caution. This can only be done if the person accepts that they were guilty of an offence. There are a variety of Public Order offences which include causing a person to feel 'harassment, alarm or distress' and using 'threatening words and/or behaviour.They may try and charge you with one of these after the interview. If you do not feel that your conduct was out of order then deny any wrongdoing. If you attend the police station DO have a solicitor with you. If you don't contact one yourself you should be offered the services of one at the police station but the standard of solicitor varies so you would be best finding your own. You need one who specialises in criminal law.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 16:49:34

Yes, the OP states that the police said she had committed a public order offence.

Oh well, try and put it behind you smile

LadyKinbote Sat 20-Apr-13 16:50:16

The CPS would throw this out. The only way I could see the police pursuing this is as restorative justice or something. It's your word against his. YY to legal advice.

CabbageLeaves Sat 20-Apr-13 16:50:35

What a waste of police time. I would probably politely go higher up and request a meeting to discuss harassment. The onus is surely on them to prove an offence occurred ot,herwise I could pop into the station and say a man shrieked piss off at me because he didn't like the fact I didn't concede right of way to him yesterday. (my right of way btw) and they'd spend their life going around to people's houses. Sounds like abuse of position to me

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:50:38

Can I just reiterate that I did not say anything to this boy and had no intention to until he spoke to me.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 16:51:19

Well if the boy won't make a statement then the police have to drop it!

And now you're annoyed about that too? confused

fallon8 Sat 20-Apr-13 16:51:23

If you can't park the bloody thing,,you shouldn't be driving it,,why in gods name do you need a seven sweater?next time,"park" in those spaces far away from the shop.you don't actually need to park at the first check out..

MrsMacFarlane Sat 20-Apr-13 16:51:42

My apologies, I didn't realise that a public order offence had been committed (or not according to the OP). However, looks like it's coming to nothing if the boy isn't making a statement, they can't take it any further without one.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:52:22

Er, I was in no way threatening and harrassing hmm.

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:52:55

Bizarre. confused

"If you can't park the bloody thing,,you shouldn't be driving it"

^
This.

landofsoapandglory Sat 20-Apr-13 16:53:27

There is something in the law that says that you can be made to write an apology or it can be escalated.

DS1 was involved in an incident a couple of years ago (the victim) and the police asked us if we'd be happy for the accused to write the letter to avoid it being escalated. We were, they did and it ended there.

I think the OP should write the letter, TBH. She shouldn't have parked like that and shouldn't have had ago at the kid. It's ironic to say he didn't look anxious when he was talking to her, when she was doing the same thing but says she suffers from anxiety too.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 16:53:58

If they're not taking it any further then problem solved.

But I really would stop parking over two bays even if there are other bays free at the precise moment you park (they fill up pretty quickly in supermarkets).
Plenty of people have big cars and toddlers. They don't all take up 2 bays - it just isn't on and it will cause you a lot of grief because it is one of those things that really annoys other drivers.

You obviously don't see you've done anything wrong but you parked badly, had a go at a boy who was not at fault, called him a tosser and won't accept you are in anyway to blame for creating this whole mess in the first place.
Just park properly and don't have a go at kids if their parents park badly.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 16:54:38

But the boy obviously claimed you were though.

And I bet his dad milked it.

TenBitSailor Sat 20-Apr-13 16:54:40

Isn't there every chance that a few cars all arrive at once, meaning there won't be enough spaces? Or was the car park almost completely empty?

pickledginger Sat 20-Apr-13 16:54:55

If this is real:

1) Learn to park. The lines are there for a reason.

2) Admit nothing. To give a caution they need you to admit fault.

MadBusLady Sat 20-Apr-13 16:55:18

<applauds Tiggy>

TenBitSailor Sat 20-Apr-13 16:55:40

and what tiggy said.

I'd ignore it, as said up thread, the police have no powers to make you write a letter. I'd say let them charge you and give it due process. They won't.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:55:56

I can drive and park very well. I am not an asshole who deliberately parks so close people can't open the door. I take it a lot of you are. I even check to see if there are child car seats in cars and reverse to make sure they have room. Must be just me then?

LividDil Sat 20-Apr-13 16:56:01

pouffe there have been a couple of court decisions very recently that held that an individual's youthful misdemeanours should not be held against them forever (in terms of CRB checks). I'm hazy on the details but it may be that it is wrong for adverse info to be held against your son. Especially so I would think given that your son's "crime" was to trespass on private land, which is a civil matter, not a criminal offence. I'd definitely recommend your son takes advice on this.

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 16:56:38

Fallon: the OP has 4 children, so has a 7 seater car.
She parked part way down an empty row of spaces - not as close to the shop as possible.

You are quite rude implying that she cannot drive properly.

CloudsAndTrees Sat 20-Apr-13 16:56:44

Sounds like you were very much in the wrong to me. Both for speaking to a child like that, and parking so selfishly.

My first thought on reading this is that the boy is related to a police officer. I can think of no other reason why the police would be involved. I am pretty sure they wouldn't be making out like you were guilty if they had just received a complaint from an ordinary person on the street. They may investigate is somebody made a complaint but they wouldn't be going in assuming that you were in the wrong no matter what. It is all very strange. If I had been the boy in the car, I would have kept quiet and looked sheepish, not start a fight about it.

The OP hasn't done anything wrong wft her parking. There is no law that says you have to park within the line of a car park, certainly not a free one where the car park owner isn't losing any money by somebody else not using the space. She parked out of the way in an area where there were lots of free spaces so nobody was missing out on a space. Besides, it happens all the time in supermarket car parks where larger vehicles, trucks and vans can't fit into the space. The OP was justified on this occasion in parking as she did. It certainly wasn't up to some other self proclaimed car park attendant to take the law into his own hands and park close to make a point. A bit pathetic is you ask me.

I am with the call their bluff brigade on this one. Refuse to write the letter. What are they going to do? If they take you to court they need evidence and they don't have any.

this will not end well.....

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 16:57:01

I never park next to cars with car seats in. grin

Chandon Sat 20-Apr-13 16:57:15

if the car park was so empty, why was it necessary to park over 2 spaces? You could have just parked between 2 empty bays and opened your doors as wide as you can?

Anyway, I hope this is a wind up thread and did not really happen.

TentativeWhistleBlower Sat 20-Apr-13 16:57:34

Tbh, I think you were out of order for parking over the line. I also think you were out of order by having a go at the boy

HOWEVER...

I really don't think the police have dealt with this well, if you feel they were trying to force, or trick you into admitting fault, I would put in a complaint. It was a very small incident that should have been dealt with appropriately, and I don't think coming to yor door and intimidating you was an appropriate way.

pleasestoptalking Sat 20-Apr-13 16:57:46

It sounds like you were in the wrong.

Depends how strongly you feel about it. Either don't write the letter and see what happens or write the letter and move on.

In future park more considerately and don't put yourself in that position.

RhondaJean Sat 20-Apr-13 16:57:53

I'd have looked fucking sweet apologising.

I thought you were going to say you had keyed the other car or banged your door into it and caused damage.

Really, this is all my our local police force have to worry about?

I'd be lodging a complaint about the way the police officer handled it tbh. Formally. Especially if the supposed complainant aghast even given a statement.

CloudsAndTrees Sat 20-Apr-13 16:58:06

And what makes you so sure that this guy was thinking about pissing you off when he parked and left his child in the car? You certainly must think a lot of yourself if you think a complete stranger would bother giving you and your toddler that much thought.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 16:58:19

Actually, someone parked right on the line next to me at work yesterday (after I had parked up).

I had to slither into the car.

Very annoying BUT I didn't call her a tosser.

That would have caused frosty work relationships.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 16:58:33

I did not have a 'go' at the bloody kid. How did you deduce that? Or can adults not speak to kids without it being deemed at 'having a go' at them. I was replying to him.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:00:12

Nobody deliberately parks so close people can't open the door.
It is just the way the bays are marked.
Don't take it so personally.

If someone parks 6 inches from your door, it is because of where the lines are painted on the floor not because they are trying to annoy you and make your life hard.
Blame the supermarkets who paint the bays so small they assume we're all driving minis.
Find a child parking bay or park at the end of a row. You can't go over 2 bays.

pickledginger Sat 20-Apr-13 17:00:22

You don't get to park over the lines of a space. Even if the car park is empty. Even if you drive a tank.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:00:24

Still don't get how I am in the wrong hmm. Yes in future I shall park right in the middle of 2 bays don't worry.

MrsMacFarlane Sat 20-Apr-13 17:00:25

OP I think you just need to let it go now. You got a fright, but the fact that the boy won't make a statement is a tacit admission that he made the whole thing up as he cannot stand by what he said. For your mental health's sake, draw a line under it and move on.

RhondaJean Sat 20-Apr-13 17:00:37

Oh, you may want to reconsider your parking in future though. I do get your frustrations, the other night it was really really windy here and the supermarket car park was quiet so I deliberately parked miles from anyone else, even though I had to walk further. Whe n I got back, someone had parked right tight next to me in the next space even though there were loads of spaces in the car park with no one next to them - resulting in me struggling with the door in the wind to make sure it didn't damage their car, the exact reason I parked miles away from anyone in the first place.

A little common sense in parking sometimes!

Moominsarehippos Sat 20-Apr-13 17:01:37

What a waste of police time (unless the OP keyed the other car and threatened to kill the teenager).

We have a monster car too but don't go over two spaces. We're in London so would probably have the paintwork keyed if we did.

I'm not sure if I'd ignore, demand a letter from the teen to my son for laughing at him smacking his head, or write the bloody letter. Sorry that's no help whatsoever but I am crap at making decisions. Last time I have to write an apology (to a teacher) was when I used a mild expletive when I fell in the mud during a PE lesson and gouged my knee.

Ashoething Sat 20-Apr-13 17:01:44

IF this is true then get yourself a solicitor,go to the interview and say no comment to every question they ask you. They will drop it like a hot potato.

eminemmerdale Sat 20-Apr-13 17:02:04

I was parking in a car park once - a pay machine one and a trafiic warden said to me that parking over the line is an offence (shit parker, me) so there you go. Still completey OTT of the police, the boy and the father though.

SarahAndFuck Sat 20-Apr-13 17:03:05

So are you a name-changing regular OP?

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:03:13

I know in this case the other driver did park close on purpose because of the 2 bay issue (which even so wasn't his son's fault)
But generally you can't blame people who park close in a normal car parking situation.
You have a wide car. The bays are narrow. Wherever you park, the neighbouring car will be really close to yours so you can't open the doors easily. That isn't the fault of other drivers.

Guitargirl Sat 20-Apr-13 17:03:27

What would happen if everyone decided to take up 2 spaces when they went food shopping? The lines are there for a reason. Yes, there were spaces when you arrived but by the time you had got down the first aisle of the supermarket that car park could have been full.

Think about it from the other driver's perspective for a moment. He/she drove to the supermarket, found a spot to park (just about), nipped in to shop and when returned to the car discovered that the driver of the car next door who had parked badly had been verbally abusive to his (anxious) son who was sitting in the car.

Swears at a child and then posts about it on a parenting forum and expects to get support. Why? Because she has a large car which she can't park properly.

Can't you see that this is how it might appear?

fallon8 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:03:36

Far better now..she does not need a seven sweater car,it's obvious...go and get parking /driving lessons...that's not being rude,that's common sense and shows respect for the rest of us.
I would meet with the family,but put the teenager/me situation to my advantage,which he won't be expecting

sherazade Sat 20-Apr-13 17:03:45

You parked selfishly and then you asked a minor who had nothing to do with the car to pass on a a message to his dad and then got into a petty argument with the said minor. which I think is quite mean.
But way out of proportion for police to turn up, that is beyond outrageous.

ChunkyPickle Sat 20-Apr-13 17:03:47

I am in STITCHES at how incensed people are that someone parked over a car-parking line next to a load of empty spaces. - they're guidelines, not some life and death rule that must be obeyed

Seriously - none of you should ever move abroad to some of the places I've lived, you'd die of a heart attack your first trip to town!

OP, you did nothing wrong, I'm shocked the police bothered (perhaps because he was a minor), laugh about it and move on

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:04:50

Still don't get how I am in the wrong hmm. Yes in future I shall park right in the middle of 2 bays don't worry.

I really wouldn't (or if you do don't drive in London)
People will key your car.

Me too, ChunkyPickle.

It's annoying in a busy car park when you're looking for a space and you think "You sod, i could have parked there!"

But that's all. Some spaces are teeny and if you have a big car... <shrug>

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 17:05:52

But if the boy and his dad told the police that the OP was screaming and swearing at the boy then you would expect the police to do something wouldn't you?

If it was your child who told you some random woman had done that?

We don't know how much the boy embellished the truth - so the police would act on it.

magimedi Sat 20-Apr-13 17:06:27

To my mind the whole question of the police wasting time & possible harassment is far more important than the bloody parking.

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 17:09:04

Fallon: So most normal cars have two front seats and three back seats, giving a total of FIVE seats.
The OP has four children and presumably a DP/DH (or maybe not).
Four add two equals six.
Six people in a five seater car isn't legal.#
Therefore the OP does need a seven seater car.

ChunkyPickle Sat 20-Apr-13 17:09:27

Exactly BeerTricks.

Keying a car now, that would be properly illegal and totally out of proportion to the offense of annoying. I actually think that the police should be stamping down on that kind of offense (much like bumping into someone and driving away)

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:09:49

I was verbally abusive. I swore at the boy. FFS I am sure people on here deliberately pretend they can't read. I muttered 'tosser' to myself. I did not call him it and is tosser a swear word?

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 17:10:13

Cars with sliding rear doors are the way to go......

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:10:13

magimedi - the police acted on a report that a woman had shouted and sworn at a child in a car park to the extent that he had become anxious and distressed. If that was a true account of what had happened (OP says not at all) then it is a criminal offence and it is right they investigate it.

You cannot kick off at someone in public to the point of scaring them witless - even if you don't lay a finger on them - it is public order offence.

If the boy had gone to the police and told them that he and the OP had a bit of exchange of words, they'd not have acted upon it but obvioulsy the boy told the police that OP went mad at him.

MummaBubba123 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:10:30

Right... I would write the damn letter even though you are not in the wrong.
Something along the lines of:
Following our chat yesterday, I understand that it made you anxious to be spoken to by an adult about the car parking situation. I was not aware that you were sensitive as you were speaking to me with such confidence. Well done! you little shit bag
I am sorry if I spoke to you in a way that made you nervous and upset. I'd never do this intentionally. Had I known that you seemed confident you f.ing little shit, I'd have waited to speak to your inconsiderate father.
Yours sincerely,
fucked off mumma

All I can say is that by the tone of replys on here I can quite imagine you shouting at him.

I hate people who park as you o and probably would have said something if you had parked like tht near me it's very inconsiderate.

Re the police no idea but as you already think YANBU I'm not sure why you posted

TheAccused - You aren't in the wrong but you made the mistake of posting in AIBU? This thread was more about getting advice than asking if you were being unreasonable anyway.

It was inevitable that there are those who don't read the OP, don't get that you parked where there were lots of spaces and nobody was missing out on a space. I am still puzzled why people think it is OK to park so close to another car that they can't actually get into it when there is no need. I also can't work out how the boy and his father can have been in their space and not over the line which makes them just as bad as the OP. They could have parked properly elsewhere given all the space.

GreenEggsAndNichts Sat 20-Apr-13 17:10:55

If you want to park like you own the place, then park at an angle across both spaces. This will keep people from attempting to park next to you. I've not done it myself but I see it from time to time, presumably people who need wheelchair access (I hope, anyway!)

As for the police thing, what a waste of police resources and time.

digerd Sat 20-Apr-13 17:12:52

I can't believe this was a police matter. There was no physical assault or threatening/intimidating behaviour.

When were words treated as a criminal offence.?

And where was the proof, anyway? <shakes head with disbelief>

MummaBubba123 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:13:11

Newish to Mumsnet. Not figured out the crossing out. Lol

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 17:14:27

New to MN and posting in AIBU Mumma. Respect! grin

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:14:30

You can't park over 2 bays even if there are empty spaces. Car parks fill up in minutes. By the time the OP had finished shopping, there may have been none left. That's the whole point of marked bays - 1 bay per car so more people can fit in.

And people don't park close on purpose. Marked bays are often so narrow you have to hold your breath and move your wing mirror to even get out of the car (or that may be a London thing too - if you wear a thicker coat in Winter you risk becoming permanently wedged between you own car and the one next door!)

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:15:07

When were words treated as a criminal offence.?

When they are used to cause someone alarm or distress.

MummaBubba123 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:15:51

Would you have been upset if one of your children was spoken to alone like that? If not, write a letter and forget it.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 20-Apr-13 17:16:21

I haven't read the thread through,but personally if I was accused of committing a Public Order offence I would have my day in court,if I thought I was not guilty.

calypso2008 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:16:25

People on this thread, in the main, have been really helpful and sympathetic.

You have come back with agressive responses. I am wondering if you were actually more agressive in real life than you imagine. I can't imagine responding to the nice answers and helpful answers you have had on here, by swearing, saying 'people on here can't read' etc...

I am glad I didn't park next to you TBH.

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 17:16:29

Lucky it was a Tesco car park though. The car park in town issues £60 fines if you aren't parked within the lines of a space.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:16:31

No I don't want to park like I own the place hmm. Just to be able to open my doors. Is that really so hard to understand?

BigBoobiedBertha Thanks and I know but I wanted high traffic. I was frantic for a while there. Phew.

DeepRedBetty Sat 20-Apr-13 17:16:58

Since I'd tell dtds off if they said it, yes, 'tosser' is a swear word.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 17:17:54

The boy may well have told the police that he was threatened and intimidated though!
That is an offence that the police have to act on digerd

everlong Sat 20-Apr-13 17:17:55

Weird.

Do you think the father is Police?

But anyway your attitude is piss poor regarding where you left your car.

Guitargirl Sat 20-Apr-13 17:19:02

digerd - 'When were words treated as a criminal offence?'

Er...you are kidding right?

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 17:19:12

I wonder if they are phoning Claims Direct for injury to feelings caused.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 17:19:36

Oops.

I see tiggytape already said that.

I'm so slow at typing sad

duchesse Sat 20-Apr-13 17:19:54

Oh FGS, OP was parking in a supermarket car park in a row with plenty of spaces, because there were no P & C spaces (wider for this precise reason) available. Why on earth shouldn't she park in a way that makes it possible to take her DC out of the car without barking next door cars? What is wrong with people that this is suddenly crime of the century?? It was a pragmatic decision in a suboptimal situation.

OP my guess is that tosser dad parked there deliberately because he felt in some way slighted, and left his equally obnoxious spawn in the car to have a good laugh when you came back and tried to move it. The apple does not fall far from the tree, as we say in France.

I would state the truth calmly to the police, reiterate that in no way did you cause an affray and let them deal with it. The tosser dad is trying to humiliate you. Your parking, even badly by necessity, is not an offence on private land. Don't let the bastards grind you down. The police will take it no further as there is zero evidence if all happened as you say.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sat 20-Apr-13 17:20:37

I am guessing that the parent (possibly a police officer) of the lad worked himself up into a lather. When the lad saw his dad making out that the understandably annoyed woman had frightened him then I would guess that his personal pride wouldnt let him make a statement.

Despite the parking hysterics on this thread YWNBU. I hope that your nerves calm down a bit now.

Are you the owner of the car in the picture on my profile?! shock

Jinsei Sat 20-Apr-13 17:20:43

It's one of my pet hates when people park across two spaces. Incredibly selfish behaviour. If you had parked properly in the first place, he wouldn't have parked so close.

I can't believe that you then got into an argument with a teenage boy when you were so obviously in the wrong. Very poor judgement OP. Just write the letter of apology, learn from your mistakes and move on...

SirChenjin Sat 20-Apr-13 17:20:59

Serves you right OP. There is no excuse to take up 2 spaces when you park - if everyone did this then car parks would be half the size they should be. I had a big 7 seater until recently and managed to park it properly. If you can't then you should take a few more driving lessons.

Write the letter and learn from it.

niceguy2 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:21:00

Waste of police time. it's op's word against the boy's. Unless he recorded it, there's no evidence. Go make the statement and it'll get dropped if that was really all that happened.

calypso2008 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:21:01

Calling someone a 'tosser' is just not, well, very classy OP.

You need to be a bit nicer perhaps, consider other people. Maybe?

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 17:21:07

They aren't taking it further anyway - the OP has already told us that!

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:21:12

Please show me my aggressive replies. Short and to the point as I am trying to do stuff as well and yes, some people have been deliberately provocative and obviously can't read.

If my DCs started mouthing off to a stranger and laughing when a toddler hurt himself, they would deserve much more than the boy got which was in no way abuse. Besides I would'nt block someone's car doors so they would'nt be in that position.

SirChenjin Sat 20-Apr-13 17:23:18

I suspect that the other driver was probably just pissed off with drivers like you OP and decided not to park as badly as you.

digerd Sat 20-Apr-13 17:23:24

tiggytape
In that case I could have called the police lots of times in my life. But sure I would have been told I was being oversensitive and should grow a thicker skin.

duchesse Sat 20-Apr-13 17:26:47

FFS, is there so little space in this world that we all need to turn on each other like rats in a hole?

Parking spaces are narrow, far too narrow for MPVs. Even if you don't have a hoik a toddler or two out, most spaces are barely wide enough to squeeze out of by yourself as a thinnish person. Would people rather their cars were damaged? Is it really worth getting so hacked off about that you would pick on a woman going shopping with 4 children to make your point? Really? Shabby behaviour. Have some bloody compassion.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:27:37

Exactly why do people get so pissed of when people take up 2 parking spaces when there are plenty more free? I can understand in a fee parking car park but not a FREE Tesco one. Totally irrational IMO. I genuinely want to understand. I parked away from the entrance so loads of spaces. Explain why wanting to be able to open your car doors is 'piss poor' parking.

Was it a Tesco in the South West, OP?

BookFairy Sat 20-Apr-13 17:28:54

In this part of the SE it's amazing if anyone is actually parked correctly in one bay and not across two. What an arse of a situation. I suspect they deliberately parked next to you to piss you off and are "professionally offended" by the situation. Repost in Legal and take advantage of the free 30mins most solicitors have. Keep very calm when you give your side of the story. If possible return to the car park and photograph where you parked to help explain why you were parked there etc.

CloudSurfer Sat 20-Apr-13 17:29:26

Ignore ignore ignore. They have. no proof, the letter is probably so they have proof to give you a caution. Most likely a PO's kid.

SoniaGluck Sat 20-Apr-13 17:29:59

God love us all, some people on here are sanctimonious, never-bloody-do-a-thing-wrong, po-faced, humourless and plain rude.

There are people in this world who routinely threaten to / do actually call the police for any silly thing they happen not to like.

We have one on our street. He regularly threatens to call the "bobbies" for people parking on the road outside his house, playing too loudly within 500 yards of his house and other daft stuff.

Perhaps the OP was in the wrong, initially - although if the car park wasn't particularly busy I don't actually see the harm - but she wasn't abusive so the boy lied. His father obviously backed him up to the extent of calling the police but then had to back down because the kid wouldn't make a statement because it wasn't true.

I think the OP was pretty shaken up, I would be if it happened to me, and then comes on here to get a bit of sympathy and just gets abuse from some.

There are people who in an empty car park will park right up next to another car. My DH does it. I ask him why and get him to move. He generally does because he's not a complete knob. Some people, unfortunately, are complete knobs.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:30:26

digerd - that may be the case but it is an offence all the same (had it happened the way the boy described it i.e. OP shouting and swearing which she says is untrue).

Perhaps OP the responses here (and the website links) will show you that 2 bay parking really annoys other drivers even though you don't personally see it as a problem.
If you do park in 2 bays you are likely to get negative responses from others which in turn puts you in the position of potentialy having heated exchanges in carparks. It isn't something that you want to risk when you've got small children with you. You don't want them seeing you get shouted at or complained to either.

KitchenandJumble Sat 20-Apr-13 17:30:52

Of course you were in the wrong. You can't possibly predict how many cars will enter the car park while you are in the supermarket (assuming you do not possess the gift of parking clairvoyance). So your car should take up only one space. And you should not have engaged in a verbal confrontation with a child.

No idea about the legalities of the situation but YWBU.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 20-Apr-13 17:31:10

Use this as your reason OP to find out a little more about the law.
Find out what can and can't be done.
Find out what you do should you be arrested.

You would have felt a lot less anxious if you knew where you stood on this one - so now make sure you have that knowledge.

Rosesforrosie Sat 20-Apr-13 17:31:18

You sound charming OP hmm

If you want my tuppence which you don't

You were in the wrong. Teen also in the wrong. Whole thing unpleasant but not really a police matter.

To avoid this type of thing happening again, stop parking so badly, your excuse for it doesn't hold water.

everlong Sat 20-Apr-13 17:31:18

Duchesse if someone need to park over two spaces that's fine. But do it at the other end of the car park where it's dead.

VelvetSpoon Sat 20-Apr-13 17:31:27

If you can't open the door of your car you park on the end of a row.

I don't even drive and I know well enough not to park occupying 2 spaces! If it was a pay and display car park you would have been ticketed.

Possibly the other spaces that were vacant when you came out were occupied when the boy's father parked his car, and yours was the first vacant one he could find.

As for it being a waste of police time, I wouldn't like some random shouting at my teenager in a car park for something his father had done especially when she was the one in the wrong. If he was alarmed/distressed by it then it is a public order offence. AFAIK, it doesn't even need to be swearing. The OP is lucky not to have been cautioned, people have been for far less.

lljkk Sat 20-Apr-13 17:33:57

Oh well, you've discovered how nasty it is to be falsely accused of something. Keep that in mind next raging thread on here about "Better safe than sorry" when it comes to accusing folk of anything involving vulnerable people.

If you parked that much over 2 spaces I don't quite get why you couldn't have got your DS in from the other side (side not next to the car that was squeezed up too close for your liking). That's the idea, if you park across 2 spaces you are doing it to make sure you've got extra space on both sides.

Sliding doors is the way to go in future. Even with sliding doors I have to be very careful about where I park my beast/7 seater, and I dread DC banging a door into next car if they ever ride in front.

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 17:34:04

SoniaGluck: you are a fantastic voice of reason.
Sanctimonious is a really good description.

Footface Sat 20-Apr-13 17:34:24

Yanbu to park over two spaces but for different readons. although I think I'm the minority.

I park over two spaces now when ever I can. I have a tiny car ( corsa) and people with massive cars (think ranger rovers) or those massive things with wheels the size of a child park next to mine because there's more room as my car is so small. But it means I can't get the toodler in. I've got fed up with climbing across seats I now park like a cunt

duchesse Sat 20-Apr-13 17:34:27

I'd be amazed if it were in the SW- nobody would care here!

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:34:50

VelvetSpoon I did not shout. Repeat. I did not shout. Repeat. I did not shout.

See what I mean about people lacking in reading skills?

There were no free slots at the end of a row closer to the entrance which is why I parked further down where there were loads of spaces.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 17:37:27

Not nice to question people's reading skills OP. hmm

SirChenjin Sat 20-Apr-13 17:37:34

No-one needs to park over 2 spaces, unless you are disabled, have difficulty getting in and out of your car and all the disabled spaces have been taken. Seriously, if you can't park a 7 seater in one space then you need lessons to learn how to park. Incidentally, it's easier to reverse that size of car into a space.

ilovecolinfirth Sat 20-Apr-13 17:38:33

I think you sound really rude. You cannot decide that rules that apply to everyone else don't apply to you. Also, what on earth makes you think you can start speaking to ANYONE like that, never mind a child. You need to learn some manners.

BookFairy Sat 20-Apr-13 17:38:34

Footface (great name!) everyone parks like a cunt in this part of Surrey - it's a requirement of the postcode!

CloudSurfer Sat 20-Apr-13 17:39:10

If the only way to get your toddler in is using 2 spaces, and if all the child's ones are taken, then use 2. Park right in the middle to avoid this happening again. Your toddler shouldn't have to be squashed in and bump his head just for someone to use a specific space next to you when there are plenty of others.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 17:39:30

I actually started parking over the bays after the time I was left with no option but to climb through the boot, carrying the then baby with me so I could get him in his seat and then reverse out (I did not want to leave him alone in his pram in a car park while I reversed). I literally could not get in either side as twunts had blocked me on both sides. Lucky the car boot was large and easy to crawl through! Don't know what I'd have done if it was a saloon!

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:41:51

If the car park is much busier do you still park in 2 bays?

NandH Sat 20-Apr-13 17:42:22

by your own admission the Car pack was pretty empty so why take up 2 spaces?

learn to park or get a smaller car if you can't park the one you've got!!!

it's people like you I secretly show my middle finger to behind my steering wheel grin

mum1979100 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:43:11

Seems hard to believe the police would get involved unless the boy is related to police as others have said.
Could it have been someone pretending to be police?
I'd be wary about writing letter that admits all fault.

timidviper Sat 20-Apr-13 17:44:38

It sounds like the driver was a knobhead who would have parked right next to you even if you were smack in the middle of 2 bays, seems like he did it deliberately. Sadly I think you will just have to count this as a learning experience and move on.

Doha Sat 20-Apr-13 17:46:16

I can see no problem with OP taking up 2 spaces if there were plenty of free spaces and l can understand her reasons for doing so.
As for the alleged offence - l think l would ask Tesco if they has CCTV coverage and if so armed with the evidence, go to the police station. I would demand a written apology for the boy/parent.
But then l like a fight!!!

VerySmallSqueak Sat 20-Apr-13 17:46:51

I am a bit confused here.
It seems to me like some of the inferences on here are that the OP should have taken it all on the chin because you disagree with the way she parked.

The offence the Police were talking about was a Public Order Offence.
Not a Naughty Parking Offence.

The OP says she did nothing that would have contravened the Public Order Act.The other party isn't making a statement.If the Police had any other reason to pursue this they would,but they are not.

digerd Sat 20-Apr-13 17:47:19

OP

Some men sneer at women's ability to park, and when his DS told him it was a woman who critised HIS parking, he was probably furious. Hence the very OTT complaint to the police, who were probably of the same calibre and paid you that OTT threatening visit.
He is teaching his son bad traits towards women.

That he laughed when your little one banged his head as not enough room to get him in the doorway, is disgusting.

I get my shopping home delivered, saves a lot of hassle.

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 17:47:41

Samontrutta: Reading skills:
1. the Op has been told she doesn't need a 7 seater car, even though she has stated that she has 4 children.

2. the Op has been told she shouldn't have parked so close to the checkout - she didn't.

3. The OP has been told she shouldn't have shouted - she didn't.

holidaysarenice Sat 20-Apr-13 17:48:44

There is no way I would be writing the note. Except if it contained guidelines on parking, oh and polite children.

Attend the police station. With a signed statement from ur children concerning this. Also a document about the effect on ur mental health. I wud be almost guaranteeing no more will come of it.

Anything more...ring the paper. Amazing story about ur police force wasting time!

Do not let it worry you.

ivykaty44 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:49:30
tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 17:50:17

The police matter has been dropped.

SirChenjin Sat 20-Apr-13 17:50:32

The OP has been told she shouldn't have parked over 2 spaces - she did

The OP has been told she shouldn't have got into an argument with a child or called him a tosser - she did

Borntobeamum Sat 20-Apr-13 17:54:34

Sounds like a young twat and an old enough to know better twat being twats together!

SoupDragon Sat 20-Apr-13 17:54:46

"Is parking across 2 spaces an offence then"

Yes. You have to park within a marked bay. If your reading skills are up to it, there was most likely a sign explaining this.

Guitargirl Sat 20-Apr-13 17:54:50

OP - you respond to posters questioning your parking skills with accusations of not being able to read! Charming. Honestly, you have had a fright, the whole thing sounds very unpleasant. But now you just need to calm down a bit. If your response to a whole load of posters explaining how annoying the parking across two spaces thing is 'Yes in future I shall park right in the middle of 2 bays don't worry' then why post in AIBU?

Actually, you know what, am not wasting any more of my time with this crap. Next time, park wherever you like, speak to whomever you like however you like. <shrugs> It's your DCs who have witnessed their mother being visited by a police officer not mine.

LookingThroughTheFog Sat 20-Apr-13 17:55:31

If there were so many free parking spaces, why didn't you park between two empty ones, rather than at the end of the row? That way, even if one car turned up on one side, you'd still be likely to have a whole free space at the other side.

Presumably, you wanted to park closer to the shop, which was presumably why the other driver parked in the next one too.

I also don't understand how your anxiety and depression didn't render you unable to respond if you think that his should have muted him.

If the other driver had come out, and started having a go at your DC because of your parking, wouldn't you be a touch ticked off?

Finally, how can you still not know what you've done wrong, when many people have told you that you a) parked so badly as to make the next space unusable and b) you had a go at an innocent 15 year old because of it.

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 17:56:17

A lot knickers in a twist this afternoon.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 20-Apr-13 17:57:11

Parking across two bays in a carpark may offend but it is not a criminal offence.

Footface Sat 20-Apr-13 17:57:20

I also started parking over two spaces when I could not get either my newborn or two year old in the car, because I couldn't open their doors because two people had parked too close.

I had to leave my 2 year old and baby behind another car while I reversed out so I could open the door. I was very worried that the 2 year old might wander off, but he didn't.

It was in Kingston. And I left really shitty note in the cars.

Yanbu

digerd Sat 20-Apr-13 17:57:24

OP did not tell him he was a tosser. She said it quietly to herself as she walked away putting her empty trolly back.

nenevomito Sat 20-Apr-13 17:58:27

Wow. I never knew sticking your wheel over the white line was such a kickable offense.

Where is it in the hierarchy of parking related levels of hell? Before or after parking in a P&C space without a kid in tow?

Footface Sat 20-Apr-13 17:58:27

Next time don't bother just whack your doors into the cars next to you, it's what other people seem to do.!

complexnumber Sat 20-Apr-13 17:59:17

You were blocked on both sides!

You must have seriously pissed off some drivers.

What I cannot understand is why, if you knew you were going to take more than one space for your car, you did not park bang in the middle like you 'threatened' to do some posts ago.

If you are going to take two spaces, do it properly!

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 18:01:15

And I left really shitty note in the cars

Saying what exactly?
"Don't park next to me in a totally legal way inside a parking bay in one of the busiest shopping areas outside London where parking spaces are at a premium?"

What do you think they did wrong?
Bays are narrow - even if they parked as far from your doors as possible whilst staying inside their own bay, they'd still be blocking you doors from opening much. Why not write a shitty note to the company that painted the bays instead?

shewhowines Sat 20-Apr-13 18:03:05

i'm not sure why the op is getting such a hard time. If she is telling the truth, then she acted with annoyance but with restraint, which is understandable in the circumstances described. And we have no evidence that she is not telling the truth.

I can understand people being upset if she had parked across two spaces in the busy part of the car park but she showed consideration to others by parking much further away, where she felt she wouldn't inconvenience others. What's wrong with that?

YANBU

calypso2008 Sat 20-Apr-13 18:03:33

I repeat: the OP has been told by most people that she was NBU, but, the few who questioned her behaviour she got agressive with. IMHO.

This is AIBU, she was told she was NBU, then a FEW people, who gave their opinions, she took offense to. This made me think she was BU.

I just think she was ruder than she says. Judging from her responses to those who slightly disagreed with her. I don't drive, I don't give a damn how she parks, but she sounds difficult.

Anyway, it is all over now, so that is that. But maybe she could be nicer to people in future. To have the police called, she must have been rude - sorry. Her responses on this thread have been rude. I'm off.

BOF Sat 20-Apr-13 18:05:43

Where do you live that the police have time to bother with shit- Trumpton?

crashdoll Sat 20-Apr-13 18:06:53

OP you need one of those slidey door cars.

"No-one needs to park over 2 spaces, unless you are disabled, have difficulty getting in and out of your car and all the disabled spaces have been taken."

But the OP has had difficult getting her children in and out of the car safely. Her DS banged his head today and it sounds like it isn't the first time others have been inconsiderate. That is the whole point of parking the way she did to avoid exactly the situation where she can't even open her doors. Unfortunately, she had to contend with a jumped-up little twerp who decided that it was his job to police other people's parking and to park as close to her as he could. I still maintain that if she was a quarter of the way into his space he can't have been parking within the line either so really he was as bad as her.

The OP didn't break any rules or laws. She didn't stop anybody else parking as there were plenty of other spaces.

She wasn't even wrong in talking to the boy. He engaged her first. If it had been me and my father had played stupid games like that I would have kept quiet and kept my head down, I wouldn't have gone looking for a fight. My bet is that one of the parents were police officers and had sent out some mates to make a point but they got a telling off from the boss for wasting police time and were told to drop it. Good job too as this wouldn't have made them look good if the OP had decided to let them take her to court.

VodkaJelly Sat 20-Apr-13 18:07:12

I would deny everything, say that he started it by mouthing off to you and you only stated the facts that his father parks like a twunt.

No way would I put anything in writing, no way.

I am suprised the police turned up over a he said she said situation. And your DC's are witnesses that you did nothing wrong.

As for parking over 2 bays - meh, bigger crimes in life to get worked up about.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 18:09:31

calypso2008 examples of my 'aggressiveness' please before you pop off. That's the 2nd time you've accused me of that. Or are you confusing aggressiveness with correcting people who have misread my posts and standing up for myself. There is a big difference as I well know!

Footface Sat 20-Apr-13 18:09:48

TiggOh my note said, learn to park in a f*****g straight line, and on the other I just wrote seriously! As I didn't have much paper left.

But you are quite right about the size of spaces being narrow, and cars are wide these days. My car is little so seems to be parked next to a lot.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 20-Apr-13 18:10:07

In this country you are innocent until proven guilty.

OP, you have done nothing illegal here,and you've had a real shock with the Police being involved in the matter.

Don't let this prey on your mind. Have a nice brew and try to get your mind off it.

everlong Sat 20-Apr-13 18:11:01

<snorts at trumpton>

Euclase Sat 20-Apr-13 18:11:10

He sounds like a buffoon, I wouldn't write a letter of apology.

Yes it was annoying having to park over another bay but surely common sense dictates you wouldn't park in a parking bay that is taken up partially by another vehicle, especially if there were spare bays ?!

Weirdo confused

TheChaoGoesMu Sat 20-Apr-13 18:13:09

The driver sounds like a knobhead. Don't apologise. The parking over two spaces is a side issue. You had a perfectly valid reason to park as you did, well away from the door. If he parked in that space rather than the empty one he probably did it on purpose (assuming of course that the space was empty when he arrived.)

krasnayaploshad Sat 20-Apr-13 18:13:37

This thread has gotten ridiculous.
Salmorutta - maybe it isn't nice of the OP questioning people's reading skills, but then again, it's not nice for the OP to have all sorts of accusations thrown at her because people haven't read the thread properly!

Fallon for some reason must think the OP's 4 children drive the 7 seater car themselves, why else would Fallon think a 7 seater car for a family of 6 is too big confused
Telling the OP to next time sensibly park in 1 bay at the end of the car park away from all the cars is no guarantee if there are customers like my DH who think nothing of parking next to a lone car, as he did today.
If the OP wants to guarantee she can get her toddler in & out of the car, only option really is to park in the middle of 2 bays (assuming the family bays are all full)

OP - YANBU to think the police visit is overkill. It's quite clear the boy exaggerated his story given he's not prepared to take it further. FWIW I wouldn't have written the apology & would've been prepared to call the boy's bluff.
Have a wine & forget about the whole thing.

thebeastandbeauty Sat 20-Apr-13 18:18:58

You both have very bad manners, but you don't see the irony in what you've posted.

YOU park over the line (bad mannered) and repeat over and over that it's not illegal.

He parks near your door. Also not illegal. And you do one over it!

Look at your OWN double standards.

What on earth gave you the right to get so worked up and pick a fight over it???? YOU were bad mannered FIRST. YOU got a taste of your OWN medicine.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 18:19:50

I didn't accuse the OP krasnay - I was pointing out that the boy maybe embellished his version of events.

And I still think its rude to accuse people of " lacking reading skills" . Even though it wasn't directed at me. Is that okay?

Lottashakingoinon Sat 20-Apr-13 18:21:02

VelvetSpoon I did not shout. Repeat. I did not shout. Repeat. I did not shout.

See what I mean about people lacking in reading skills?

I can drive and park very well. I am not an asshole who deliberately parks so close people can't open the door. I take it a lot of you are

some people have been deliberately provocative and obviously can't read.

In case Calypso doesn't come back, and since you have chosen to ignore what Guitargirl said I've just highlighted some of your little gems. Not aggressive maybe, but certainly highly ballsy. Bloody hell you scared me and I wasn't even there, and I'm a lot older than 15. grin

FWIW on the face of it, it seemed to me like a massive over-reaction on the part of the police, which in turn makes me think that you were a lot more aggressive to the lad than you realised. That certainly seems to be the case here!

crashdoll Sat 20-Apr-13 18:22:21

Seriously, slidey doors are the way forward.....

ouryve Sat 20-Apr-13 18:22:34

I lost track of that halfway through, but are the police under-worked where you live?

thebeastandbeauty Sat 20-Apr-13 18:23:51

"I am not an asshole who deliberately parks so close people can't open the door"

Nope. You're just an asshole who takes up two spaces when you only need one.

complexnumber Sat 20-Apr-13 18:26:57

"I was ... at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety."

"I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression"

So you expect us to dismiss his claims, but accept yours... because you said the word 'actually' implying he must have been making things up.

fascicle Sat 20-Apr-13 18:28:49

I don't understand how the police can decide you have committed a public order offence, 'shouting screaming and swearing' etc, if they haven't yet taken a statement from you. How can they reach conclusions based on (presumably) just the boy's account? I would go ahead with the interview and statement and not panic. If it's just the boy's word against yours, it's hard to imagine there's anything for them to pursue.

Salmotrutta Sat 20-Apr-13 18:31:36

The police are not taking it any further

<head desk>

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 18:32:45

I think my teenage son would have been a bit upset and embarrassed if I'd left him in the car and some rude women had a go at him.
It wasn't him that actually parked the car, he was just a helpless passenger.
What was he supposed to say or do?
You should have been brave enough for his parent to come back and argue the odds with them. You both parked thoughtlessly, but it was no more the teenager's fault than your childrens.

Fenton Sat 20-Apr-13 18:33:19

This is nothing, my nephew has a VW van, which he loves btw, and he parks it horizontally across two spaces, admittedly in the far far corner of a car park which is always empty. Seems to me that's an obvious message, 'don't park next to me a dent my car, you tossers ok?'

I used to find it a bit cheeky but if seems to work for him.

IntheFrame Sat 20-Apr-13 18:37:39

Sorry but it's a sad world when parking incorrectly when there was plenty of spaces is considered offensive. There are always threads about "herd" mentality" when people sit next to you on trains or at the beach or park next to you despite being loads of room elsewhere.

Hope all you indignant lot park properly when you are in a deserted car late at night. Surely common sense is still available in some parts of this country.

VinegarDrinker Sat 20-Apr-13 18:53:08

Calling a teenager a tosser (under your breath or not) is seriously classy behaviour. Way to go OP. Great example to your own DC.

Jinsei Sat 20-Apr-13 19:03:10

If the car park was really as empty as you say it was, why didn't you park on the end of a row somewhere. Can't believe that the middle of each row was empty and all of the ends were full! hmm Or why didn't you just wait until one of the P&C spaces was available? If the shop wasn't busy, you wouldn't have had to wait long?

Or was the car park not actually so empty after all? Thing is, I can't imagine why someone would deliberately park in a space that had been hijacked by someone else unless the car park was really busy, or unless they wanted to be nearer to the shop. Perhaps the empty space on the other side of this driver wasn't empty when he pulled in.

I saw it happen in tesco today. Busy car park, arsehole with a big car taking up more than one space and forcing little old ladies to park over at the other end of the car park. I just think it's really selfish.

Fleecyslippers Sat 20-Apr-13 19:04:58

Why didn't you put your son in on the other side of the car ?

landofsoapandglory Sat 20-Apr-13 19:07:12

I think that you were ruder than you are admitting TBH.

I am disabled and have an MPV. I did have a 7 seater and when there are no disabled spaces, or P&C spaces, I still park between the lines and can manage to open the door wide enough to get out with my sticks. It has never occurred to me to take up 2 spaces. I think it is really rude and very inconsiderate.

TheEmptyChild Sat 20-Apr-13 19:12:44

YABVU This has nothing to do with parking and everything to do with your attitude when, as an adult, you got into an argument in a public place with a teenager about something that was outwith his control.

For future notice (since you do seem genuinely confused about the law)
* Causing someone alarm in a public place can be deemed a public order offence (like breach of the peace). You don't have to shout. The volume isn't the decider on whether it's a public order offence or not.I know because a friend of mine was distressed because of an incident in a carpark that only involved speaking. The perpetrator didn't scream and shout but they did cause alarm. You did the same.

* Our local police would have responded immediately (as they did in the instance above). Response time was not influenced by being friends with a police officer or related to one hmm . It's actually something that a lot of forces prioritise.

* If you park over the lines in our area (not a private supermarket carpark but actually in the street) then you will receive a fine or your car will be towed. Bearing in mind that can be the outcome, perhaps you should practise parking between the lines wherever you are so you don't get confused and try supermarket parking on the main street and find your car has disappeared.

MmeThenardier Sat 20-Apr-13 19:16:37

A 15 year old spoke to the OP, she replied. A short dialogue followed in which it sounds like no one was lost for words.

How has this become "having a go at a child"?

FFS this has become one of those ludicrous threads on so many levels.

Anyway glad to hear the police aren't wasting any more time or money on this. power hungry bullies

skaen Sat 20-Apr-13 19:17:05

You were in a private carpark so you were not committing a criminal offence by your parking. It was inconsiderate and the supermarket may attempt to fine you if they have their act together (which they probably don't). Parking on the street is enforceable by the council usually which is a completely different issue. Private carparks cannot tow, clamp and have to make the arrangements for fines very clear before they are allowed to enforce.

Anyway, it's MN and a parking thread so you're bound to be wrong. As the boy has already dropped it, have some wine or chocolate and don't worry. If he hadn't dropped it (and for future reference) don't write any letters without getting some legal advice.

Mawgatron Sat 20-Apr-13 19:18:10

<pokes head round the door> calling someone a tosser is swearing op, it is the same as wanker.

cornydash Sat 20-Apr-13 19:20:39

I am hmm at the OP questioning the boy's anxiety and suggesting that he was 'mouthing back' to her.

cornydash Sat 20-Apr-13 19:21:09

...and perhaps he was sat in the car because of his anxiety

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 19:23:11

My ds is very respectful of adults.
At 15 I think he'd have been a bit alarmed at Op's rage.
It wasn't his fault how his dad parked.

thebeastandbeauty Sat 20-Apr-13 19:23:46

"Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along' "

The kids is 15, he didn't park the car. You know that, you know it isn't fault. Why 'should' he tell his Dad where to park????

You should have kept your mouth shut. It was quite clear from his approach that he wasn't defending the parking, merely explaining that he wasn't responsible.

If anyone is playing mumsnet bingo, then here you go - you sound like an entitled bully, OP.

mercibucket Sat 20-Apr-13 19:25:59

I would imagine he is related to a police officer and on that basis I would complain to the police. Do you know the details of the police officer who you spoke to?
This once happened to an elderly relative of mine over her dog. We found out it was the policeman son of one of the neighbours who called round, but as if it was official.

doyouwantfrieswiththat Sat 20-Apr-13 19:26:36

...but the boy laughed when her ds banged his head and started crying....he deserves the wrath of mumsnet.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 19:27:27

"I can park where ever I like"

"Yes in future I shall park right in the middle of 2 bays don't worry."

Entitled much.

You are second only to those that block people's drives on the school run.

ZZZenagain Sat 20-Apr-13 19:30:28

I wouldn't worry about it, nothing will come of it. It is your word against the boy's word. I certainly would not write an apology.

cleoowen Sat 20-Apr-13 19:32:14

very unreasonable of you yes. You can't expect people to not park next to you and how are they meant to know you need to get a toddler in and out? Very unreasonable to take up two spaces too.

It is annoying when people park so close you can't get car seat in and out but not the next cars problem. I have this problem and try and park where lots of spaces are, on the end or close to the other car on the other side. Or in the parents and child spaces,(which is rare if any are free)

AuntieMaggie Sat 20-Apr-13 19:33:10

You assume that the dad parked close to you on purpose and that the space the other side of him was empty when he parked there.

I think you were wrong to talk to the boy like that and should've kept your mouth shut. Even if you didn't shout or swear you were wrong to say those things to him. I suspect someone else may have witnessed it...

cleoowen Sat 20-Apr-13 19:33:46

Oops, too soon pressing ths button. I would just apologise for an easy life. Although it does sound like they are trying it,on an exaggerating. What a waste of police time IMO.

FarBetterNow Sat 20-Apr-13 19:34:01

The EmptyChild: An example of a very slow police response:
my friend's son had a disagreement with a man who was sitting in his high powered sports car in a supermarket car park.

The man drove directly at the my friend's son, breaking his leg and causing a split open head.
The driver then drove off.
The victim was taken to hospital by ambulance.
It was 14 days before the police contacted the driver to arrange an interview.

Oh yes and the driver is an outstanding Pillar of the Community.

nipersvest Sat 20-Apr-13 19:37:47

have only skimmed the thread so this may have already been asked, but if the 2 cars were parked so close it was difficult to get in, why didn't you just go round the other side and get via those doors instead?

duchesse Sat 20-Apr-13 19:39:52

A serious lot of you are confusing your own irritation at straddling parkers with the OP's situation of making the best of a abd job.

Madratlady Sat 20-Apr-13 19:41:19

YABU to take up 2 parking spaces.

Would you think someone else taking up 2 spaces was BU if you couldn't get a space?

duchesse Sat 20-Apr-13 19:42:04

But there were plenty of other spaces, the OP has stated that again and again and again.

nipersvest Sat 20-Apr-13 19:42:34

we have a range rover, it takes me ages to painstakingly park it within the space lines, but i make sure i do since my mum and stepdad got a parking ticket in b&q car park for being slightly over the line.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 19:45:00

TBH duchesse IMO there are too many strange points in the OP's opening post and subsequent posts.

YoniMaroney Sat 20-Apr-13 19:46:39

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

jollygoose Sat 20-Apr-13 19:46:52

Im suprised at the amount of spiteful judging going on with this thread, the poor accused was shocked to have the police call. The fact that she had parked badly was not the issue here, why do some of you feel the need to be so unpleasant?

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 19:47:53

LadyBeagleEyes what rage are you talking about exactly? I did not say it was his fault at any point. In fact when I asked him to pass it on to his father, it was in an exasperated tone.

I am of the opinion that the boy was in the car because he could not get out of the door. He started talking to me and continued talking. He seemed to find it a big joke.

I don't know why I bothered to post any details on this thread as you all seem to making them up as you go along!

I am actually most pissed off that when the police knocked on the door and asked my name, they then very sombrely asked to come in. As my DD had recently been picked up by a friend's mum to be driven to theatre school and DH was at work (he has a high risk job), I immediately thought the worst as there was no other reason IMO that they would have come to my door. I was trembling and ready to break down and later on burst into tears when they said that I would have to be interviewed all this in front of my other DC. I feel extremely humiliated actually. The police man and woman stood there deadpan. DCs asked if I was going to prison.

I probably asked for it as I parked over the line of the bay and engaged with a boy hmm. I actually thought he was about 18. He had on a jumper with our local college's name. No school uniform.

Totally unnecessary and malicious as far as I am concerned.

Madratlady Sat 20-Apr-13 19:47:59

It's still not fair though. In the same way you wouldn't just take more than your share of anything else that was on offer for everyone. In this case the other person could have parked elsewhere but it's still not on to straddle 2 spaces. It's greedy. Having children doesn't automatically give you the right to park inconsiderately.

Madratlady Sat 20-Apr-13 19:49:19

It's sounds like a waste of police time to come round demanding apologies if the exchange between you an the boy wet as you say it did though.

Jinsei Sat 20-Apr-13 19:49:38

The bad parking wasn't the issue, no, but for the OP to lay into some poor teenager when she was in the wrong was unreasonable.

TheEmptyChild Sat 20-Apr-13 19:50:51

FarBetterNow I'm sorry your friend's son experienced a very slow response. I was making the point that I only know about two breach of the peace/public order offences and for both of them (despite being in different police jurisdictions) the police response was immediate despite the victim having no connection to the local police or holding public office or being upstanding members of the community.
Sometimes they just do respond quickly and it doesn't have an ulterior or sinister motive.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 19:50:52

It has been pointed out that there is something on pistonheads about why people park next to other people in empty carparks.

I have seen the same thing myself as I always park in the furthest corner away from the supermarket and almost always come back to someone parked next to me.

longingforsomesleep Sat 20-Apr-13 19:51:28

car parks generally have ridiculously narrow spaces - presumably to maximise profit. It really annoys me as I have a bad back and find it difficult to get out unless I can open the door fully. I regularly park over the line for this reason - but only when there are plenty spaces. Same as the OP I can't see any problem with this. I just have an ordinary sized car by the way.

Re the police, something similar happened to a teacher friend of mine. Not car related, but she was grabbed and screeched at by an angry parent at school. My friend notified the police who said that the woman was claiming my friend had assaulted her! The police were very aggressive with my friend and accused her of lying. They only backed down when shown cctv footage which backed her up.

I'm glad the police have told you that charges are being dropped OP. If they hadn't it would have been your word against the boy's and with no witnesses you definitely should have called their bluff.

BumBiscuits Sat 20-Apr-13 19:52:14

http://youparklikeacunt.com/

nuff said

BumBiscuits Sat 20-Apr-13 19:52:43
Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Apr-13 19:56:11

That website was linked to at 16.41 Bum.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 19:57:31

OP - I think most people are sympathetic about having the police called.
Remember though, the police will have been told that you went ape at a lone child in a car park so they have to act on that.
They can't just ignore people who claim to be victims of a crime (the alleged crime being that you shouted and swore at the boy and upset him which is a crime were it true).
The police matter is now dropped which is good.

However people have tried to point out to you (not that you'll listen) that if you park in 2 bays it will create hassle for you because it annoys people. If you don't want car park confrontations in front of your children, avoid doing it.
Even if you think it is fine and other people shouldn't mind - they do and it probably won't be the last time you end up in a row over it.

And if another car is parked 3 inches from your door, don't comment to the child passengers in that car about how unreasonable this is. It is nothing to do with them and not their fault. You can't ask him to have a go at his Dad on your behalf.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 19:57:51

BumBiscuits so the creator of that website goes around taking pictures of how people park their cars and posts them on a website. I think the website name more aptly describes him then anyone else.

YoniiidsAreGreaterThanMine Sat 20-Apr-13 19:59:07

A parking thread running to 12 pages...( shakes head)

Only on MN. In fact, only in the UK. I think our tiny island is to blame for all this road rage and parking angst. I can imagine they have acres and acres of parking spaces in bigger countries, maybe Canada or Australia or Brazil.

(Wistful)

Lizzabadger Sat 20-Apr-13 19:59:44

You shouldn't have parked like that.
Just write the apology with your fingers crossed behind your back and be done with it.

MrsClown1 Sat 20-Apr-13 20:00:59

OP - we all get stressed etc etc so Im sorry you have been flamed for being a human being with faults. As far as the police are concerned do not apologise. This kid sounds a cocky twat, as are most teenagers at some point. I agree with a previous poster - when I was a teenager I would have kept my head down and said nothing - my dad would have been more annoyed with me for arguing with an adult! Sadly, that time is long gone.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 20:04:12

Nah Yoniids, people are people the world over.
Driving in major European cities means taking your life in your hands.
I'm sure there's just as many arguments in Oz, Canada and Brazil.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 20:05:37

My teenager has never been a cocky twat MrsClown1.
Speak for yourself hmm.

BumBiscuits Sat 20-Apr-13 20:06:05

Didn't you read it properly? People send them in.

Still applies grin

cleoowen Sat 20-Apr-13 20:06:27

OP, sorry but you sound quite horrible. It is frustrating when people park close but you started it by calling the Parker an idiot in the ear shot of the boy. I also think it was unreasonable to call him a tosser too even if it was under your breath. You sound very me,me demanding that you would park over two spaces next time.

Plus, it may have been empty when you parked but how do you know it was empty when the man next,to you parked? Maybe that space was one of the lady ones.

ilovecolinfirth Sat 20-Apr-13 20:08:39

Mrsclown1... Most teenagers are cocky twats? Errrrrrr.... Don't think so. The cocky teenagers I meet often have cocky parents. Do you happen to have a teenager by chance?

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 20:09:31

TheAccused

1/ have you looked at the website?

2/ (pendant alert) he takes pictures of people parking like a cunt, how does the website's name describe him when he does not infact park like a cunt?

RhondaJean Sat 20-Apr-13 20:11:02

Pendant alert boney?

(bit of a fail) grin

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 20:13:52

epic fail.

But still the name doesn't fit.

landofsoapandglory Sat 20-Apr-13 20:22:09

MrsClown My teenagers aren't cocky twats, thanks very much, never have been TBH. They wouldn't have argued with the OP either, but then DS1 drives and parks his own car so would probably have commented on her inconsiderate parking as he drove past!

RhondaJean Sat 20-Apr-13 20:22:15

No you are absolutely right, but it gave me my best laugh of the day. Sorry!

millymae Sat 20-Apr-13 20:23:44

My first thought was haven't the police anything better to do, but as someone one who only drives a small car I do get fed up with owners of vehicles like yours who seem to think that they have the right to park inconsiderately. In my view I think that this particular incident was half a dozen of one and six of the other in that although you had your reasons for parking as you did, you shouldn't have done so, and he could have easily chosen to park in another space rather than right close to you. I can't help but wonder what type of person goes to the police about a minor issue like this and how traumatised the lad actually was about the exchange of words if he had the presence of mind to get your car registration number. It all seems a bit odd to me,
It may well turn out as another poster suggested that the owner of the vehicle has connections to the police (did the policeman who called leave his name) and is trying to frighten you but in your shoes apart from keeping a detailed written note of what happened just in case you hear further I wouldn't do anything more for now.Have a glass of wine and put it to the back of your mind.

Abra1d Sat 20-Apr-13 20:25:42

IF you called him a tosser than you did swear at him, didn't you?

Abra1d Sat 20-Apr-13 20:25:57

'then' not 'than'.

ilovesooty Sat 20-Apr-13 20:28:01

I agree with cleowen except that I'm not going to apologise for finding the OP unpleasant. Her insistance on parking over two bays in future sounds disgustingly entitled.

Oh, and the drip feeding for sympathy at 19:47 - way to go, OP.

marjproops Sat 20-Apr-13 20:28:25

not read all posts so someone might have said this.

incident or not, why were you visited by the police when everfy single day there are the ***that park in disabled bays/p&c spaces etc etc and they always always ALWAYS get away with it, regardless of how many times they do it?

and maybe you couldt park on a p&c space as there were those ***who parked there. maybe you should tell poilce THAT.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 20:28:53

RhondaJean

Made me chuckle as well smile

YoniiidsAreGreaterThanMine Sat 20-Apr-13 20:29:19

Pendant alert. Heh, heh, snort.... (Serious face) yes, um parking. Police. Tosser. Please continue...

[giggling in corner]

HollyBerryBush Sat 20-Apr-13 20:35:32

If the whole exchange in the OP were between a couple, there would be hell to pay because one of them is really quite aggressive and abusive.

Worth mentioning I thought

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 20-Apr-13 20:35:36

I'm claiming too much wine

apostropheuse Sat 20-Apr-13 20:52:43

It's entirely possible that someone in the car park witnessed what happened between the OP and the boy in the car. It can't be presumed that there were no witnesses. It may well be that the police felt that there was good cause to go and speak to the OP about what had been reported. I just wonder what an independent witness would report about this. Of course I realise this isn't possible in a forum where you only get one side of the story.

I'm frankly astonished that so many people on this thread believe the police were out of order. I'm sure they have plenty to do without tracing the OP and driving to her home to speak to her without having a justifiable reason.

FreyaSnow Sat 20-Apr-13 20:56:35

How either of the drivers parked is neither here nor there. The OP got into an argument with a 15 year old who had done nothing wrong. In the process of doing so she managed to hit her own child's head and swear at somebody else's child.

Certainly swearing at people and harassing them is a public order offence. I don't see how arguing with a 15 year old about something they did not do, are not responsible for and can do nothing whatsoever about is not harassment.

We all do things we're not proud of, but hopefully we acknowledge afterwards that we shouldn't have behaved like that. I think the police were being pretty decent to offer the option of the OP apologising rather than taking further action.

crashdoll Sat 20-Apr-13 20:58:58

GUYS, PENDANT ALERT, PENDANT ALERT!! grin

<cough-slideydoors-cough>

VinegarDrinker Sat 20-Apr-13 21:03:46

You swore at a child and you still don't think you have anything to be ashamed about? Seriously?

Ilovefluffysheep Sat 20-Apr-13 21:07:17

Great, another bash the police thread.

I am not even going to comment on the parking side of the matter.

Someone has reported a crime. Rightly or wrongly, as soon as its reported that's it, it has to be looked into. You would be the amazed at the crap that has to be investigated due to this.

The job will be given out to an officer who will then need need to speak to the complainant. They will give their side of the story. The officer then has to make a judgement call based on what they've been told, but this will nearly always involve speaking to the other party and this can be done in several different ways.

Sounds to me like the officer has dealt with it as best they can with the information available.

For those of you saying what a waste of police I've - yes I agree. However, once reported, it has to be investigated. All reports of crime are treated as truthful until evidence comes to light suggesting otherwise. Whether it be something minor like this or the other extreme of a rape allegation. Imagine the outcry if a report of a rape was made and the call handler decided it sounded like a load of rubbish and binned it off there and then.

Rightly or wrongly, the police were just doing their job, following up a report of a crime. I am sure the officer was so pleased to have to deal with this on a Saturday afternoon when there was probably lots of other worthwhile jobs coming in.

lougle Sat 20-Apr-13 21:07:40

Sometimes, just sometimes, people can be so used to speaking aggressively, that they don't even realise they are doing it. OP, do you think that may apply here? From where I'm sitting, your responses to people have been quite hostile...

YABU, btw. Line markers are there to mark spaces. You are allowed one space. You took 2, deliberately. You then got into a confrontation with a boy. Even if you did initially mutter to yourself and he responded, why couldn't you just say 'oops, sorry....'

Anyhow, you have a 7 seater. They have flat bottomed floors. That means you can climb in one side and strap your toddler in the other. In fact, in my Galaxy, I've even been known to climb in the boot and strap the children in. Inconvenient, yes. Impossible, no.

difficultpickle Sat 20-Apr-13 21:12:04

I'm amazed you live in an area where the police actually have the time to follow up on this. I wouldn't be apologising either.

redskyatnight Sat 20-Apr-13 21:31:07

I'm thinking of this from the boy's pov tbh.

"I was sitting in the car in the supermarket car park, waiting for my dad to come back with the shopping. The lady in the next car came back with her shopping and made a sarcastic remark in my direction about idiots and bad parking. It's true we had parked quite close to her, but that's because SHE had parked well across the parking lines. I didn't appreciate her having a go at me, so I told her that it wasn't my fault but my dad's. Rather than just accepting this she carried on talking to me in a patronising tone about how inconsiderate he was. I felt I had to stick up for my dad so I tried to respond to what she was saying. She obviously was getting angry because she then managed to bang her own child's head when she was trying to put him in the car. I unfortunately ended up laughing nervously - not that I thought it was funny that her kid was hurt but I didn't know how to diffuse the situation. She gave me a really dirty look and called me a tosser before driving up. I was really shaken up by the whole thing, but don't know how I should have behaved differently."

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 21:39:09

Yes, redsky, I like that.smile.
Teenagers are just kids too, and he didn't give the Op a mouthful and wasn't aggressive in any way. I bet it was nervous laughter too.
There's too many people out there who probably don't have teens that are ready to blame them for everything because, of course, they're all cocky hmm.
Anyway Op, yours will also be teenagers one day,I bet you change your tune then.

thebeastandbeauty Sat 20-Apr-13 21:44:17

It's all a moot point, anyway. He didn't park too close to your car door - you parked your car door to close to another parking space.

She didn't make a sarcastic remark in the boy's direction though, did she? She didn't know he was there and she was talking to her DC not to him. He was the one who chose to speak to her and let her know he was listening. If he hadn't, if he had kept his head down and his mouth shut she wouldn't have answered him.

I wouldn't have started up a conversation with her at that age and I think he was very foolish to do so.

MadBusLady Sat 20-Apr-13 21:57:21

I think lougle's hit the nail on the head. If OP's stroppy responses here are anything to go by, it's quite possible people feel a bit aggressed by her in real life. Maybe take up a martial art?

ilovesooty Sat 20-Apr-13 22:10:53

I suspect that lougle is right too. I wouldn't ne surprised from her responses to find that the OP is defensive/confrontational as a default.

cornydash Sat 20-Apr-13 22:14:53

the boy didn't 'strike up a conversation' with the OP - the OP was throwing insults in his direction and he defended himself.

MyDarlingClementine Sat 20-Apr-13 22:16:13

I feel for you accused, esp that you thought the worst when the police came to your door, def sounds like related to a police officer....

Its been dropped, try and forget it now.

MyDarlingClementine Sat 20-Apr-13 22:17:37

I disagree Redsky,

I think it was more the dad slagging off the poor parking...seemingly chose to park right next to her even with other spaces free....all a bit of a crack...shit woman driver....and boy carried that on....laughing etc...

JerseySpud Sat 20-Apr-13 22:17:57

Buy a car you can actually drive and park.

Don't expect everyone else to fit in around you.

imaginethat Sat 20-Apr-13 22:18:43

OP you come across as aggressive and you were very foolish to engage in conversation with the boy. But I believe that the police involvement was absurd and a waste of public resources.

I iimagine that there is a police officer in the boy's family. If you wanted to thrash it out, you could get legal advice and possibly complain about police conduct as I doubt very much they should have visited you in the basis of what you've told us.

However, probably your best way forward is to be more aware of how antagonistic you are, from your parking to your conversations with strangers to your posting in forums. You are exactly the sort of person who ends up with problems that could have v easily been avoided. Park politely, avoid confrontation and, when you do need to speak, choose your words carefully.

cornydash Sat 20-Apr-13 22:19:14

if the teenager had been a 15 year old girl with anxiety, I expect the OP would have had different responses. There's a lot of prejudice here about teenage boys being 'cocky '

horrible.

Gingerodgers Sat 20-Apr-13 22:24:10

Well the anxiety you suffer from will get a whole lot worse as a direct result of you refusing to back down , because if what? Pride? You are a nutter op, a little bit of humility from you and this would be over, but no, you've got to make a point, and risk getting a police record.

MrsDeVere Sat 20-Apr-13 22:28:18

Ilove my neighbours hate me because I had the nerve to object to them building a house in their backgarden and then renting out their main house to a constant stream of lodgers.

So for a bit of fun they called the police last week and told them that we were encouraging our son to throw rocks at their windows because we were jealous of them.

So of course they had to come round.

Within a few minute the threats of criminal damage had turned to annoyance at the neighbours for making up things about a little boy with ASD and learning difficulties. The police could see it was malicious nonsense and hugely upsetting for me and my son.

But they had to investigate. I understand that. I was just grateful for their understanding and the way they talked to us and listened to all we had been through.

But what a monumental waste of time for them. How much bloody paperwork has that generated?

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 22:28:39

It's still a fact that the boy just responded to the aggressive Op.
And the worse he did as far as I can see is laugh. I think probably from nerves.
He was blameless as were your kids.
Maybe when his dad came back he was feeling a bit attacked and dad called the police.
Not something I'd have done TBF, but if I'd been the parent and you'd had verbalyl attacked my teen son, over something that was my fault or yours, depends how you look at it I'd have been raging.
Teens have feelings too wink.

CelticPixie Sat 20-Apr-13 22:44:13

I don't have anything to add other than I fucking hate it when people park over two parking spaces. It's very selfish and arrogant.

Chocoflump Sat 20-Apr-13 22:44:15

Parking across 2 spaces is selfish! You aren't the only person with a big car! Alot of people with big cars seem to think they own the bloody roads and car parks! If you can't park it- you shouldn't be driving it!!

Fwiw I drive a Citroen C8, an 8 seater car shock and I fit perfectly well in a standard space. If there's a P&C one free then it's great because they have more room, but if not then I make do with a normal space, and am able to get my toddler and baby into their car seats! hmm

MidniteScribbler Sat 20-Apr-13 22:54:56

I know who the tosser in this story really is.

nenevomito Sat 20-Apr-13 22:54:58

I've been wondering about this thread and you know what? It's inspired me to action for tomorrow!

To indulge my evil side, I'm going to drive to the supermarket 5 mins from where I live, park my car across two lines in the car park then walk home. As I do this, I'll be cackling in the knowledge, that this is akin to kicking puppies in unreasonableness.

For maximum effect, I may take the kids seats out of the back and do it in the parent and child bays.

MmeThenardier Sat 20-Apr-13 22:59:34

And for the crime of parking across two parking bays babyheave the mumsnet jury will duly sentence you to a visit from two police officers and whatever else you get cos you'll deserve it.

watches out for pendant

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 23:02:01

Is that still going on Mrs DV?

VinegarDrinker Sat 20-Apr-13 23:04:05

You only get the coppers if you find a random teenager to swear at while you're there.

Personall speaking I wouldn't park next to someone who went across two spaces because I'd assume they were so bad at parking that they'd bump my car.And as I'd chosen to park next to them, then it would be partly my responibilty.
I had a huge 4x4 park so close to me last week (shopping mall, loads of spaces, not anywhere near the enterances) and I was in my 'lines'.
I couldn't get my door open wider than 6" and I had to go through the passenger door.
And they had folded in my wing mirror (should be grateful, huh) but in doing so, they'd have to look at the space between the two cars. Didn't think obviously "Ooh, biy close there"

MyDarlingClementine Sat 20-Apr-13 23:07:59

The teen in question could have also used his eyes and common sense to deduce that another human was struggling with her DS, and maybe even offered to help.

I do not think that laughing when a small childs head is bumped is the sign of a timid sensitive teen.

I would like to think an interpretation of a sensitive teen would have been to have offered an apology, " I am so sorry, it seems we have parked rather close to you, can I help you in any way? "

I think a timid sensitive teen may have looked away and been embarrassed that his dad had caused this problem.

nenevomito Sat 20-Apr-13 23:08:51

Indeed Mme. I'll act all contrite if they do.

Don't worry Vinegar - I'll stick a sign in the window that says "Tosser" to get the maximum effect.

grin

VinegarDrinker Sat 20-Apr-13 23:09:03

And btw, I am no saint, but I wouldn't have made angry remarks about selfish idiots out loud to my young DC in the first place. It hardly sets a great example to them. Sounds like you have some anger management issues tbh OP.

We sold our only car a few years ago, and it was only a tiny 3 door Micra anyway so excuse my ignorance, but surely if the worst comes to the worst surely you could leave your DC in the trolley/buggy/whatever you have used to transport them safely to one side and then back out of th space to open the doors. Or is there some reason that isn't pssible.?

DrHolmes Sat 20-Apr-13 23:09:40

Do not apologise!

"I am of the opinion that the boy was in the car because he could not get out of the door."

Maybe that was on purpose?

schobe Sat 20-Apr-13 23:11:26

There are many people so obsessed with 'rules' and raging about slight infractions like parking over lines that I can well believe they would park right up close to make their point. It doesn't seem to matter to them whether the infraction actually causes anyone any inconvenience, just that it could in some possible world.

I just wonder what else they have to occupy them to get so upset about minor rulebreakers tbh.

Plomino Sat 20-Apr-13 23:12:29

I happen to be a police officer. I can tell you categorically now , that it wouldn't have made a teeny tiny blind bit of difference if the kid's dad had been the Met. Commissioner . In this day and age , other police officers are MORE likely to get fobbed off when it comes to reporting offences , not less . Someone tried to car jack me on the way to work , I foiled him , reported it , and it got 'no crimed' ( not classed as an offence ) because no one could say what the suspects intentions were when he tried to open he door whilst screaming 'get out the fucking car ' . Yes really . I couldn't even make a complaint as you can't complain against your own force .

The scenario above apart from the original incident has probably been along the lines of kid tells parent , parent reports it on the not necessarily true account of what kid has said . Report gets taken for sec 5 public order ( harassment alarm or distress ) . Home office and national crime reporting standards state that if on the balance of probability a crime has occurred then a crime report must be made . So there goes any hope of discretion . We are duty bound to record every CRIME. Not traffic accident , which comes under road traffic offences , which is a whole different set of rules . Enquiries then get made , like going and seeing OP to get their side of the story . Officer then goes back to the original victim and starts talking about getting a formal written statement . At this point the 'victim' sees his possibly exaggerated allegation becoming official , gets a touch of the seconds , and declines to make a statement . Everything gets discontinued .

I could do this all day every day . Often I do . Threats to kill via Facebook ? Oh yes . Name calling in playgrounds ? Absolutely . Parking rage ? Yes indeed . But. And let me emphasise this , there is NO SUCH thing as discretion . I certainly don't get to pick and choose what offences I get to investigate . We investigate everything that has a viable chance of catching someone . Now yes I agree that some things could be seen as a waste of police resources . But , when we get blamed for such tragedies as Fiona Pilkington ( although I agree that was a complete fuck up on our part , and I have to admit they do happen ) is it any wonder that police forces are going the other way and investigating EVERY incident , no matter how allegedly minor it may be ?

Make a choice . Either you want us to investigate these sorts of offences , and accept that yes , people are going to get spoken to that wouldn't normally come into contact with us , or you don't , but then don't complain when something minor happens to you yet police 'did nothing' .

MyDarlingClementine Sat 20-Apr-13 23:13:42

bronteparsonage.blogspot.co.uk/2007/05/haworth-clampers.html

A lot of posters would do really well to work here.

LadyBeagleEyes, it is not a fact that the boy responded to the 'aggressive' OP though is it? For him to respond she would have to have addressed him first. She didn't because she didn't know he was there. She wasn't aggressive either, she had a moan to her DC about the other driver's shoddy parking as anybody would in that situation, whatever the rights and wrongs of her parking. The boy had nothing to do with it. He should have kept quiet instead starting a conversation with the OP. What did he hope to achieve? His father's parking was just as indefensible as the OP's. If you deem her selfish then so is he. Why park so close to another car when you have the option to park elsewhere unless you want to make a point? A bit pathetic really made worse by moaning about it to the police and wasting their time.

KeepYerTitsIn Sat 20-Apr-13 23:15:24

So you've decided the 15 year old boy doesn't, in fact, suffer from anxiety because he didn't look anxious to you? The child you struck up an argument with over something his father had done? When you had parked selfishly? Have one of these biscuit. You sound lovely.

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 23:16:22

I guess many people here aren't used to being in carparks that can be relied upon to remain empty for the whole time it takes to shop. If you take 2 spaces when you park, how do you know it won't fill up within half an hour?

Also when you park in a bay next to a car with toddler seats, you don't do it to annoy anyone (in a full car park)
Yes it is obvious that once you park there, they will nolonger be able to fully open their doors but when there are limited spaces, what else can you do?
You stay in the lines as far from their car as you can get (about 6 inches in many car parks!) and that's as much as you can do in terms of being considerate. But then I don't recognise these car parks with vast expanses of empty spaces. Everywhere I park requires driving around for 20 minutes and grabbing a space as soon as it comes free whether it is next to a toddler-laden 7 seater or a mini makes no difference - if it is empty I grab it quick.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 23:21:58

I think that's what I said upthread BigBoobied, that both adults were in the wrong about the parking.
But taking it out on the teenage boy was out of order.
Which she did, unless I'm reading a different thread.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 23:22:11

Honestly, an utter load of shrieking harpies on here tonight hmm.

I have a teenager of my own actually so yes, I know what they are like. I also suffer terribly from anxiety/OCD and panic attacks and I normally keep my eyes down and avoid talking to people. This boy was quite happy to converse with me. I did not approach him. I am pretty sure, as has been said earlier, that the father deliberately parked close to me leaving adjoining spaces empty to piss me off as I had the audacity to park over the line. Son told him I'd spoken to him when he came back and that probably infuriated him some more so he decided to make up this allegation. Unbelievable how they immediately withdrew the complaint when I refused to apologise. Probably realised that they may have been in trouble for wasting police time.

Please, please, please tell me where I have been aggressive, either in my OP where I detailed my conversation with boy, or on this thread.

The dictionary definition of 'aggressive' is as follows:

1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.
2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive: an aggressive basketball player.
3. vigorously energetic, especially in the use of initiative and forcefulness: an aggressive salesperson.
4. boldly assertive and forward; pushy: an aggressive driver.
5. emphasizing maximum growth and capital gains over quality, security, and income: an aggressive mutual fund.

Yes, I suppose I invaded part of a neighboring parking bay, could that have been construed as 'aggressive' to the twunt who deliberately blocked my doors. I have posted replies under deliberate provocation regarding the fact that I did not verbally abuse or intimidate the boy nor am I a crap driver or parker. I don't see parking into a neighboring bay as being 'entitled' FFS! Most of you have jumped on that fact alone it seems, the fact that someone can make false allegations about someone and have the police banging on their door seems to be immaterial. I am sure if there were any witnesses, I would have been told. I wish there had been and the boy and his father could then have shown to be the lying weasels they are.

VinegarDrinker Sat 20-Apr-13 23:25:30

You don't see swearing at a teenager as aggressive or verbally abusive, then?

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 23:27:46

Aggressive: "Honestly,an utter load of shrieking harpies on here tonight"
Or do you call that reasoned debate wink?

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 23:33:02

You were in the wrong about the parking. Plenty of people have tried to explain this to you but you won't have it.
The other driver was in the wrong if he parked so close just to make a point and if it wasn't the only / nearest space left

The boy did nothing wrong.
You moaned out loud about his father and he rightly said it wasn't his fault.
At which point you should have agreed or said nothing and walked off (preferably not calling him a tosser as you did so).

You come across as a very angry person in your persistent inability to accept any other point of view (for example that people who use 2 bays annoy others and are seen as selfish).
If you gave that impression to the boy, maybe he was genuinely upset that some random woman had a go at him for no reason.
You seem to think that he is somehow to blame in all of this which obviously he isn’t. He was a passenger in a badly parked car next to another badly parked car and got told by a random woman to have a go at his Dad for parking as badly as she did!

notsoyoniface Sat 20-Apr-13 23:35:19

*cough cough bullshit cough cough*

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 23:35:49

Er, no that's not aggressive. It's definitely not unprovoked either.

VinegarDrinker just for you from the dictionary:

*tosser
slang ( Brit ) a stupid or despicable person*

and I did'nt say it to him. I muttered it to myself and I an 'entitled' to mutter to myself whatever I damn well please.

TheAccused Sat 20-Apr-13 23:37:33

Please define 'having a go' tiggytape.hmm

sweetestcup Sat 20-Apr-13 23:40:27

Never ceases to amaze me how selfish and entitled people can be, it doesn't matter if there are no other spaces used in the car park, cars can come quickly. And then someone cant get parked because someone else either cant park their car or park it deliberately like that.

OP you arent coming across very well at all.

larks35 Sat 20-Apr-13 23:40:37

Going purely from OP and not bothering with the rest of replies:
YWU in the first place by taking up more than one parking space, then again with arguing with the boy when as he said himself he didn't choose where to park and finally by refusing to write a simple letter of apology. Do you really think it is reasonable to argue with a youngster about something they had no responsibility for? It is very likely he felt anxious after this dispute, he was on his own but probably felt it was his duty to defend his parent's parking.
You were out of order, but by all means refuse the write the letter, I just hope you end up paying for it down the line.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Apr-13 23:40:47

Oh Op, the last paragraph of your last post is so not aggressive at all.
I'm catching your cough now notsoyoniface grin angry
Can you please not spread your germs around?

tiggytape Sat 20-Apr-13 23:42:11

Please define 'having a go' tiggytape

"For gods sake, why did this idiot have to park so close" (which you said not realising the boy was sat there but loud enough for him to hear and respond to)

Then when you said to him "well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't,"

And "I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it"

And "I tell him it would be common decency for his father to make sure the next car can open their doors."

You made numerous moaning remarks at him about his Dad's crap parking and your own crap parking. That's how I define 'having a go at him'

apostropheuse Sat 20-Apr-13 23:45:26

OP you do come across as rather an angry person.

ilovesooty Sun 21-Apr-13 00:11:32

I don't see parking into a neighboring bay as being 'entitled' FFS!

No, I still hold the same opinion of you. You still sound unpleasant.

lisbethsopposite Sun 21-Apr-13 00:32:53

I have a 2.5yo and a 6 month old. One toddler car seat and an isofix baby one. I have in the past, had to wiggle baby out of car sideways due to insufficient room to open the door wide enough. I have also had to leave pram outside car while I reversed to get enough room to open doors. I am always afraid of scratching other cars. So what I do is park at the end of a lane if possible, forward or reverse to let isofix seat be to open area or <whispers> park on a line taking up two spots.... Never imagined I was -borderline criminal.
When the police spoke with you first op, it sounds like they had come to a conclusion before hearing your side.
I think they were BU. I think that you were NBU.
And I think that parking web site is a foul mouthed load of crap and I hate the C word. Yeuch

spiritedaway Sun 21-Apr-13 00:41:00

In my experience the police can do nothing for the reason you said. I had someone stalking and harassing me under a restraint order and each occasion i reported nothing could be done because i gave my version..he gave his. In domestic the police seem to refer to it as "he said, she said" and even under those circumstances, with many previous arrests and charges, they could not proceed with anything other than a warning without an independent witness.

sashh Sun 21-Apr-13 04:28:47

Don't appologise.

Don't be suprised if they arrest you. It's not nice but it is actually a good thing in that then you can insist on a lawyer and you get legal aid.

Take at least one small child with you, they can't lock the child in a cell which they can with you.

Just in case take a good book.

mateinthree Sun 21-Apr-13 07:53:24

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FarBetterNow Sun 21-Apr-13 08:05:27

The following is posted on an AV forum:

^until recently i always had a company car so a small dent or scratch didn't bother me so if i parked next to someone who'd parked badly i would make a point of getting as close to them as i could, even if that meant scooting over to the passenger seat to get out of the car.
Petty but fun^

kungfupannda Sun 21-Apr-13 08:18:02

I am a criminal lawyer. If I'd been called in to the police station for your interview -if it hadn't been dropped - and you gave me the account you have set out here, I would have been on the fence about whether to advise you to answer questions or make no comment. Your account of the exchange wouldn't amount to a S.5 POA offence. Even calling the teenager a tosser shouldn't amount to an offence.

BUT I have seen people charged with S.5 offences for telling other people to "fuck off" in public. So I wouldn't have been terribly happy for you to give an account, given that the account would include an admission of calling a 15 year-old - who wasn't aggressive or shouting - a tosser. I would be concerned about you finishing up charged or offered a caution because I don't think the police would take a particularly sympathetic view.

I would also have been advising you that it was highly unlikely that the boy was related to a police officer - just that a juvenile had made an allegation of an adult woman shouting and swearing at him because she disagreed with his father's parking - and that the police have a duty to investigate.

I think you need to have a bit of a think about how the same rules apply to you as to everyone else. If you want to park in a bit of a twatty way, you lose the moral highground when someone else parks in a twatty way. If you suffer from anxiety but are capable of conducting a robust exchange of views, someone else who suffers from anxiety deserves the courtesy of you believing that they too are capable of a robust exchange of views.

It seems a bit one-sided. "I'm justified in parking however I like but no-one else is. I suffer from anxiety, but don't believe someone else is."

It's up to you, obviously, but you're likely to get yourself into all sorts of confrontations if you carry on parking a big car across two spaces. People don't like it. People will think you're a bit twatty and responsd accordingly. I'm not saying that's right, but that's how it is.

I've driven a small car, a medium sized car and occasionally a big car. I've parked regularly in some tiny carparks. In all the years I've been driving there have been precisely two occasions when I haven't been able to get into the car. I'd just park properly and take the risk of the very rare occasion when there's a problem.

sweetmelissa Sun 21-Apr-13 08:20:20

My mum got a parking ticket for using one and a half spaces in a supermarket carpark, even although the carpark was almost empty. She appealed but was told it was an offence, and did have to pay the fine.

lisbethsopposite Sun 21-Apr-13 08:20:24

mate she didn't double park. She parked outside the lines. Hardly unclassy.

I think the OP gave an honest account of an incident where she included her own contribution to the mess. She finished by saying she was frozen with fear. She is at home without her DP but with her small DCs. I think the police were at best heavy handed when they responded to a verbal complaint by calling to her door. (I had a similar experience many yrs ago with a traffic complaint). I think the police should have acted only with a written complaint.
The OP reached out to MN for advice and support, and there was more obsession with her parking than constructive help. hmm

Nishky Sun 21-Apr-13 08:23:18

I saw a car being clamped for parking across two spaces.

everlong Sun 21-Apr-13 08:24:36

If the owner of. Range Rover had parked over two spaces would you still be saying he/she wasn't an entitled fucker?

Would you balls.

lisbethsopposite Sun 21-Apr-13 08:31:55

kungfu Is a verbal complaint sufficient for the police to act or would it need to be written?

MrsBungle Sun 21-Apr-13 08:32:16

I think kung fu panda's advice is excellent. You can't expect to be the only one who is allowed to park in a twatty manner. If you can, so can others. And why disbelieve the teenager had anxiety issues?

I have two kids in car seats. It is very annoying when you can't get the kids in and out of the car, especially when you're on your own. I always try and get a p and c space or park on the end of a ow. I've never once parked over 2 spaces.

That said, I honestly think the police should have better things to do than go round to someone's house about this minor incident. It must be a very low crime area, surely!

ll31 Sun 21-Apr-13 08:33:11

Op you were bu to park the way you did. If you can't manage big car why not get a smaller one. They may have been unreasonable to make complaint but we don't know how much son was upset by what you said.

LAlady Sun 21-Apr-13 08:35:19

My DH parked in the way you did, at the Rugby Club. There was about 5 cars in the car park (and it remained that way). Clearly he was in the wrong as he was issued a parking ticket.

NotMostPeople Sun 21-Apr-13 08:39:09

All of these parking difficulties can be easily resolved by having a car with a sliding door. Mine has changed my parking life for the better.

toffeelolly Sun 21-Apr-13 08:42:42

You were in the wrong parking over 2 space's , you were in the wrong to have a go at this boy , you are the growin up. look's like you will have to write the note. also i really hate when people park like this just becase you drive large.car and have children does not give you the right. also i think someone must have been watching so may well be witness's .

HintofBream Sun 21-Apr-13 08:43:19

Couldn't you have wangled the toddler in from the opposite, unobstructed, side? Obviously it would have involved a bit of scrambling across the other seats, but surely better than trying to squash him in past the door on the 'proper' side and banging his head in the process.

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 21-Apr-13 08:44:06

I was just going to re-iterate (sp) pp when they say don't admit fault, Dh's ex was guilty of forging his cheques but wouldn't plead guilty and take the caution.

It went to court at which point the cps dropped it due to lack of funds. She admitted it on tape too, but said dh told her forge the chqs hmm.

So, no criminal record etc.

VinegarDrinker Sun 21-Apr-13 08:49:48

I am well aware of what tosser means thanks, OP and you're doing a very nice impression of one

digerd Sun 21-Apr-13 08:49:54

Surely moaning and muttering to yourself isn't a crime , fgs!
How about killer looks and sticking a finger up at someone, tutting and shaking their head?

OP did not swear or shout at the boy, she has repeated that several times, and is understandably getting frustrated with people not reading her post thoroughly.

Snugglepiggy Sun 21-Apr-13 08:51:42

Sorry am I being a bit dense Lisbeth? OP parked a quarter over the next space.That to me is double parking and whatever the car size, how ever quiet the car park smacks of entitlement and stupid parking.My DCs are grown up now but had 3 under 5 at one point and had a big MPV and this we pre P and C spaces existed and never would have parked like this.
Also am I missing something? presumably OP parking this way meant there was loads of room down the other side of the vehicle and climbing in and strapping your child in its seat from the other side in a 7 seater is easy - done it many times.But OP has a ' toddler side' to her vehicle and obviously expects everyone shopping to be aware of that!
Maybe,and not saying it right, the guy in the other car parked the way he did to make OP think about her own attitudes.
Can't believe Police have got involved but as OP is so convinced there's nothing wrong with her way of parking maybe she can't see/ admit there was a way of putting her child in the car without mouthing off and being confrontational - and then she could have driven away and tutted to herself and said 'tosser' in the privacy of her car for only her toddler to hear.
Re-reading the post seems to me OP was in a bad mood having to rush her shopping because her DD was hassling her for keys to the house and she took it out on the lad in the car next door.

toffeelolly Sun 21-Apr-13 08:52:53

Would say you may well hear from police again!

VinegarDrinker Sun 21-Apr-13 08:55:41

digerd I, and several others on this thread, consider tosser a swear word. So yes, she did swear at a child, whether she thinks she did it under her breath or not, he obviously heard.

Lottashakingoinon Sun 21-Apr-13 08:59:18

and is understandably getting frustrated with people not reading her post thoroughly.

I think that cuts both way Digerd She has asked people to point out how she has been aggressive and provocative; they have and she has metaphorically stuck her fingers in her ears and sung lalalalala

Her dictionary defintions of 'agressive' whilst accurate are selective and non exhaustive. The last few words of each are just examples..there can be loads of others a lot of which would embrace her behaviour (as described by herself) .

And by her own quoting, number 4

boldly assertive and forward; pushy

seems to describe her posts here pretty accurately.

And like many others here, I am quite admiring of her double think: I have anxiety but he's making it up; I parked badly but no-one else may.

Someone else has said they think this may be a wind up....probably bang on the money. Doh!!!!

EasilyBored Sun 21-Apr-13 09:01:41

You need to develop a kind of zen calm, so that when some idiot parks so close you have to get in via the passenger side, you can save your energy by not getting worked up, but just quietly hope a whole flock of pigeons shit on their car.

That wasn't very helpful, obviously.

Plomino Sun 21-Apr-13 09:03:18

Lisbeth .

Absolutely a verbal complaint is enough for police to act on . Every time you get burgled ? You ring up and report it . That's a verbal complaint . Do you think we should wait until an officer has had the time to sit down and write the victims formal statement , which sometimes can take at least an hour , before going out to search for the suspect you disturbed going over your back fence ?

You might also want to go back a page for a comprehensive explanation of why police turn up , because frankly I cba to type it all over again . People think this kind of stuff is 'petty ' - right up until the point that they're on the receiving end . Then they want the offender hauled to the station in shame and handcuffs . Well make a choice .

Lottashakingoinon Sun 21-Apr-13 09:04:26

That wasn't very helpful, obviously.

No, but it made me laugh Easily grin

ok completley of topic as such .but occasionally we found no space in disabled carparking so had to park our van in normal space and since these designed for cars our van goes over the lines ( long wheel adapted Renault master).would we still get a ticket or be something could appeal ? .as just no other option with vehicle that size if disabled parking full

VinegarDrinker Sun 21-Apr-13 09:09:19

Yes, as I said earlier, I think the OP has anger management issues. Without sounding too prissy, imho you should be able to deal with minor irritations in life without having to "mouth off" in front of your young kids, regardless of whether the other kid was there or not.

Do the rest of you not have the kind of toddlers that repeat everything they hear? I don't want mine going around calling people selfish idiots or tossers.

totally failed in the not sounding prissy part there

Abra1d Sun 21-Apr-13 09:10:11

OP, tosser means someone who tosses off, who masturbates.

VinegarDrinker Sun 21-Apr-13 09:10:34

Also I am genuinely interested in the question I asked earlier with no response - why is leaving them in the trolley/buggy for a few seconds and reversing out of space not an option?

ajandjjmum Sun 21-Apr-13 09:15:54

I genuinely can't see the problem in taking up two places in an empty carpark. I think it would be thoughtless in the extreme in a busy carpark.
(I don't need to do this - have a small car)

I am totally hacked off that Police have the time to take up an issue like this, but don't have the time to retrieve CCTV footage from a local store after we'd been burgled by five men, one of whom had used our credit cards in the store. Priorities.

Vinegar - that would depend where you were parked - if there was a walkway alongside, fair enough, but I wouldn't want to leave a pram at the back of another vehicle even for a short time - there are some idiots about grin

It isn't just that the police investigated the complaint and visited the OP - I get why they did that and had to do that - but the fact that she felt they had decided without taking her statement or having an interview that she was guilty and what she would have to do as 'punishment'.

EasilyBored Sun 21-Apr-13 09:24:58

There are so many day to day things that piss me off, I would be in a permanent state of seething fury if I didn't make a conscious effort to not be bothered about the things I can't change.

I'm not sure where you stand legally, but agree you wet BU to get into a verbal confrontation about his dads parking. Also, I do think YABU to park over two spaces like that. It's just untidy and annoying.

VinegarDrinker Sun 21-Apr-13 09:26:55

ajand surely it takes about 10 seconds to back out? Do you really think someone could/would get back to an empty car, get in and drive off into your DC in that time?! All without you seeing from the next parking space along?

GirlOutNumbered Sun 21-Apr-13 09:28:37

When I first read this I was with you OP,I would never had apologised. HOWEVER, I just re read and the boy was well within his rights to point out he didn't park and you should have just backed down at that point.

You are the adult.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Sun 21-Apr-13 09:31:55

I'm not sure if this point has been made already but why couldn't you just use the door on the other side of the car ? confused

NotYoMomma Sun 21-Apr-13 09:34:33

For someone who seemingly has anxiety...

You don't seem to know muh about anxiety...

someone who had a row at work with a bully and then signed off with anxiety disorder, despite having tried to stand up for myself

It was a bloody stupid comment though 'I can park where I like' while disputing that the other guy could park where he like. I actually had a chuckle

LittleFrieda Sun 21-Apr-13 09:36:43

It's hopefully all on CCTV. wink

You sound rude and aggressive, OP.

Christelle2207 Sun 21-Apr-13 09:37:47

I'm surprised by police reaction but you were wrong to park over two bays. Appreciate it's annoying but surely you take annoyances like this on board if you buy a very large car.
We have a medium sized car and it really annoys us that those in bigger cars think they get a separate set of rules.

EmmaBemma Sun 21-Apr-13 09:41:41

You were wrong to park over two bays. It's hard to know exactly how you behaved with only your side of the story to go on. Perhaps you were more aggressive and intimidating than your post suggests - but saying that, calling the police is a massive overreaction on the teenager's part.

BIWI Sun 21-Apr-13 09:43:10

So anxious, and 'frozen with fear' but you still had time to go through the process of changing your name in order to post.

I don't believe any of this.

But it's entertaining reading for a Sunday morning I suppose grin

MummaBubba123 Sun 21-Apr-13 09:49:12

Who hasn't parked badly before? It's easy to do accidentally - and I understand the reasoning behind purposely parking over 2 so that you can open the doors for children. Sounds like the other driver purposely blocked you in. But that's irrelevant. I hope the police-related stuff is quickly resolved!

pipsqueakz Sun 21-Apr-13 09:50:37

Ok this is interesting but what are your views on people who DON'T have kids parking in parent and kids parking bay???

JenaiMorris Sun 21-Apr-13 09:52:36

This has nothing to do with parking!

OP verbally abused a minor. Thankfully the police consider this worthy of their attention, as do I.

Do you often react like this OP? Because one day someone will turn around and twat you. For your own good you need to be less confrontational.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sun 21-Apr-13 09:53:51

Selfish parker, bullied a teenager and doesn't think that's wrong, aggressive posts.

You need a serious attitude change. IMO you weren't a good role model to your children at all on this occasion. I'd be v embarrassed if I was such a bully in front of my DC.

Police involvement was wrong, and I'm very glad it's been dropped! I hope your fright wore off, I know the feeling of dread of an officer at the door.

Honestly, I do think you've embellished his words and minimised yours, but that isn't my business and either here nor there. If you did minimise your words though, I'd be thinking about ways to reduce your anger issues for your DC.

If the boy was just a cheeky liar, I hope the police scared him into behaving and not wasting police time.

However you really shouldn't park that way. It sounds like you can control your vehicle, so use one space. Using more than one will course trouble, so even if you don't mind how annoying it is, I wouldn't want your car keyed or damaged in some way.

My post tries to be neutral and see both sides. I do hope you learn from this, as well as he.

GrassIsntGreener Sun 21-Apr-13 10:01:15

Why did you allow yourself to engage in that argument with a teenager anyway? I don't understand that I'd have just let that slide.

Not worthy of police time, however.

everlong Sun 21-Apr-13 10:06:49

I don't think this is even real on reading the OP again.

Timetoask Sun 21-Apr-13 10:16:50

I really despise people that think they can park however they want because they have a large car.
You were in the wrong
You should not insult anyone, even when angry
I would appologize the move on

Sallyingforth Sun 21-Apr-13 10:17:26

Don't blame the police. They won't like doing this either, but if they have received a serious complaint they have to deal with it.
You sound very entitled OP. You can park how you like but others can't.
And learn to control your anger.

MissLurkalot Sun 21-Apr-13 10:22:35

Spot on Kungfupannda....

OP, I'm glad things are sorted now. But, I have to say, you are in the wrong parking over the line. It's pure selfishness to knowingly take up two parking spaces, when the rest of us park more considerately.

We've recently got a large 7 seater, and it takes me loads longer to find car spaces in car parks now, unlike the previous car.
I would never be happy leaving the car parked over the line, as I woul worry about being blocked in, car door hit by another car, someone leaving a sarcy note or an actual parking ticket. I would drive around trying to find a space more suitable.

I think you're a bit 'you' on this subject. Everyone is telling you that you're in the wrong for parking badly. This whole bloody drama wouldn't have actually started if you had parked more considerately. You were in the wrong, and to have a go at someone else, teenager or adult, even though it was YOU who'd cocked up... Is completely bonkers. You are weirdly blaming the teenagers Dad!!! I just don't get your attitude!

JenaiMorris Sun 21-Apr-13 10:43:40

Every bayed car park I know has a sign that makes it crystal clear that taking more than one space attracts a parking ticket.

JenaiMorris Sun 21-Apr-13 10:45:55

Although of course the police wouldn't give a stuff - it has nothing to do with them.

moonstorm Sun 21-Apr-13 10:47:46

I think there are a few people on here baiting the OP. trying to wind her up so that then they can say 'I told you so'...

GoblinGranny Sun 21-Apr-13 10:49:46

So, OP. Considering all the events that have occurred as a consequence of your actions, will you handle things differently next time?

Plus3 Sun 21-Apr-13 11:04:32

I think that if you can't park a car correctly, you shouldn't be driving it.

I also think that if you o something wrong, you shouldn't be surprised when other people do things wrong.

Hope that helps smile

landofsoapandglory Sun 21-Apr-13 11:09:10

I don't think the OP needs any winding up, she's done a damn fine job of winding herself up!

BerylStreep Sun 21-Apr-13 11:31:11

last week I inadvertently parked in a reserved bay in work (each department has a certain amount of reserved bays, which are numbered). When I came to leave work, a person from the department whose bay it was had parked their Range Rover across my car, blocking me in. It was clearly to make a point as there were loads of other spaces available. By the time the Range Rover owner had been located and asked to move, I was 1/2 an hour late picking up my child from school.

I honestly hadn't realised that I was in the wrong space - the spaces only have numbers on them. Anyway, I thought that the guy was being a dick making his point, but I popped a note on his windscreen explaining my mistake and apologising for any inconvenience.

It was annoying that I was late to pick up my DD, but at the end of the day, I had to accept the fact that I was in the wrong for parking in the wrong place (unwittingly) and shit happens. I certainly wouldn't have got into a confrontation with the driver.

OP, you do sound very entitled. I can understand how upsetting it was for the police to call round, but I really do think that you have been the author of your own misfortune, and you just don't seem to have the capacity to realise it.

kungfupannda Sun 21-Apr-13 11:39:57

To answer the earlier question - yes, a verbal complaint is enough for investigations to begin. Quite often someone is arrested on the basis of a verbal complaint and then the statement is obtained while they are in custody.

It looks like the complaint was made, the police acted upon it and would have requested that the OP attend the police station as a volunteer in order to avoid having to arrest someone with small children to find care for. In the interim, it transpired that the complainant wasn't willing to proceed - probably calmed down and thought better of it - so it was dropped.

ComposHat Sun 21-Apr-13 11:49:36

Regardless of whether the Police needed to get involved- your are solely the author of your own misfortune.

You caused the situation, parked like a dick and gobbed off at a child, when you caused the situation in the forst place.

Didn't cover yourself in glory did you?

"If someone has parked over a line in the car park, would you deliberately park close to them to prove a point when you could have parked in the next empty space?"

Yes.

It gives me great satisfaction. Especially when the idiot managers with the big shiny Mercs do it at work where there is limited parking.

janey68 Sun 21-Apr-13 12:02:58

Learn to park properly. If you choose to have lots of children and drive around in a huge tank, then you may just find that in certain car parks, you're limited in where you can park. A couple of the car parks in my town have quite narrow spaces. Parking space is at a premium in many towns and cities nowadays so you just have to suck it up. It may mean having to inconvenience yourself slightly and park further away, or on street somewhere. And don't come back and moan that that's inconvenient because you have 4 children. That was your choice. You are obviously very entitled OP, and frankly you've brought this on yourself.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 21-Apr-13 12:15:13

Don't engage with a teen would be my advice.

VerySmallSqueak Sun 21-Apr-13 12:21:30

I agree with kungfu in that this situation may have resulted in a charge or a caution being offered.

Being charged is not the same as being found guilty in a court of law and I really don't think the OP would be found guilty in a court for this.I can't see it would make it to court.

I would certainly be willing to take my chances over that being the case rather than write an apology or accept a caution,in this situation.

But the Police obviously believed that there was no case to answer too as they have dropped it.It was,imo, clearly all based on what the other party said,and they cannot have been telling the full truth or they would have made a statement.

I don't blame the Police for responding to this btw,based on what they were told.

5Foot5 Sun 21-Apr-13 13:01:52

Hi OP - how are you today?

I didn't necessarily want to make this long thread much longer but just wanted to come on and say that I think you were given a hard time by a lot of posters on here and I sympathise with your situation.

I drive a small car and have frequently been irritated in the past by large cars parking over the line. However, having read your description of the circumstances you were in and the experiences you have had in the past I can quite see why you did it. If there were lots of empty spaces it is not as if you wre inconveniencing anyone else.

I cam also understand your irritation at some people not reading the thread properly. I can't belive the number of people who have posted variations of "If you can't park a 7 seater properly..." wheny you have explained clearly and fully why you did what you did.

Anyway - glad it is going no further. I cannot imagine what sort of a twunt would have called the police over something like this in the first place.

theodorakisses Sun 21-Apr-13 13:15:13

I am soooo glad I don't have to pay tax to fund this lunacy. Hire a decent lawyer and tell them to get lost, twatty ambulance chasers.

longingforsomesleep Sun 21-Apr-13 13:25:35

I think some of the posters who are accusing the OP of aggression and needing to improve her anger management ought perhaps to go back and read what they have written!!!!!

lisbethsopposite Sun 21-Apr-13 13:28:57

snuggly I googled double parking - this wasn't double parking. I feel like a right anorak! blush
plomino I read both your posts carefully. What I wondered was if the police had safeguards against being used to 'shame' a person when no crime exists.
Thank you for your explanation kungfu
humancatapult no answer to your question... I'd be fine with it but I seem to have low standards
accused namechanging was wise. I felt bad for you last night. I hope you are better today. I agree with 5

Thank goodness. Some reasonable people who think the OP was given an unnecessarily hard time by those who apparently failed to read the thread properly.

I don't think the OP has been aggressive at all. I think she is clearly frustrated that people are making stuff up as they go along or that some can't see past the bad parking (from both parties too) to the issue of whether or not she actually committed a public order offence and she could be punished without any proof.

I too think that the boy or his parents realised that in order to make a statement to justify the apology they would have to lie and so it got dropped and as such I am more inclined to believe the OP's version events than the boy's. If he was so sure that he had been verbally abused and assaulted and that he could have an apology without him even having to face the OP again, surely he would have been happy to put his statement in writing and to make sure he got the apology. He couldn't actually commit to that statement though, could he?

mayorquimby Sun 21-Apr-13 13:45:21

Fantastic thread. Particulalry enjoyed the hypocrisy and astonishing lack of self-awareness displayed by invoking the following:

"I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it."

"common decency"

VerySmallSqueak Sun 21-Apr-13 13:49:02

Pisses me off that the OP can be put through this because of an allegation of behaviour likely to cause alarm/distress/whatever to the person who made the complaint,but they can drop it all without so much as a murmur,without being judged as to how much alarm and distress was caused to the OP.

If they truly felt so distressed by it all that they needed to make a complaint to the Police,surely they would have followed it through.

I can't blame the Police for responding but I think they took the wrong action.They should have established firstly whether this seemed to have any real basis rather than try to get the OP to admit guilt,by way of writing a letter of apology.

fascicle Sun 21-Apr-13 14:06:21

Very much agree with your last paragraph, VerySmallSqueak. The way the police operated in this case seems to be at odd with the principles of natural justice.

mirry2 Sun 21-Apr-13 14:32:24

I'm surprised that shouting at someone in public is a criminal offence. I'm sure been shouted at once or twice in my lifetime, probably by someone suffering with road rage. It never occurred to me that I could make an offical complaint.

SarahAndFuck Sun 21-Apr-13 14:34:14

If the OP parked over the line into a second space, there would have been plenty of room at the other side of her car for her to put her children into her car.

She didn't need to squeeze in through the side nearest the other car.

And how was the boy supposed to know if she was talking to him or to her DC, as she says she was, when she started to complain about how closely they were parked?

And OP can you tell me if you are a regular who has name-changed or not.

Pigsmummy Sun 21-Apr-13 14:45:37

If the boy suffers from anxiety why was he left in the car on his own? I think to make this go away just write a very short note to the family.

Next time park in an end space (like I just did in a car park) so that no one can block your door.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sun 21-Apr-13 14:46:29

It's an offence if it's deemed threatening behaviour, particularly with a minor. If it involves screeching abuse and a minor? Deff criminal offence.

I don't think this was worth the coppers time, but OP's refusal to accept she was deeply in the wrong too makes me uncomfortable.

MmeThenardier Sun 21-Apr-13 14:49:06

If you are still reading OP I would probably stop now. There are people on here who are so enraged that you parked across two spaces that they would be perfectly happy for you to thrown in prison. Based on this, further discussionon what ensued isn't terribly balanced...

giveitago Sun 21-Apr-13 14:55:58

Well, you parked how you liked and obviously he's a much better parker than you as he managed to find a space next to you and got in inspite of you hogging some of it. Really don't see the issue.

Sounds like you don't like other people's children though. If it were my son who talked back to you after bathmouthing me having successfully parked in a spot even though you were hogging it, I'd be proud of my son.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 21-Apr-13 15:00:34

MmeThenardier

Most people are annyed becasue of the OP's Entitled attitude and that she seems ok to believe that its ok to verbally abuse a teenager that suffers from anxiety.

Pigsmummy

Because his anxiety is about being in a supermarket?

happyyonisleepyyoni Sun 21-Apr-13 15:07:29

Well I agree with the OP that the other driver is a tosser.

She had a fair enough reason for her twatty parking. he on the other hand has clearly appointed himself as car park attendant and set out to punish her for her bad parking by parking too close to her. And then calling the police on her for getting annoyed about it! What a needle dick.

giveitago Sun 21-Apr-13 15:19:22

how come happy. If OP can park twattishly, why can't other driver park at all near her. He managed it fine. It was a space, albeit a small space because OP decided it was her enitlement to park across the two spaces, but her mistake was to leave enough space for the other to park. That person did so. What is her issue? She's the one who starts to bad mouth a person who has parked well but unfortanately comes across a teenager who doesn't like his parent being bad mouthed for parking in a parking space. Sounds like this teenager is a family orientated kid and good on him for making comments back.

Just bonkers that police are involved. But also bonkers that op parks across 2 places but not well enough for someone else to park.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 21-Apr-13 15:21:31

I like the idea that this poor, anxious and yet gobby teenager was terrorised by the mother of small children! If any of my teenagers whined that they had been called a tosser then after checking circs I would probably reply 'quite right too'.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 21-Apr-13 15:27:19

Sounds like this teenager is a family orientated kid and good on him for making comments back.

ha ha ha ha ha ha <wipes eyes> ha ha ha ha ha

I would guess that currently this teenager is mortally embarrassed by his pompous parent making out that he is a poor anxious little baby who has to be protected at all costs!

giveitago Sun 21-Apr-13 15:33:20

Oh get a grip.

One entitled person decides to thwart the attempts of another to park in a parking space by overparking. Didn't do it well so attempt fails and good parker parks in parking space. Op then imparts their highly honed sense of entitlement to their kids (nice one - endemic in our society) but didn't realise that their a)overparking wasn't very well executed, and b) there is a kid in that car who is hearing their parent criticized for their parking skills in PUBLIC parking, then I'd say good on that kid on answering back.

Clever kid - not clever OP. She pushed it - kid pushed back and won.

Gobsmacked at police taking it seriously. In fact walking down my street the other day police had stopped a car for causing and obstruction (trying to pull out into the street not very well) and I overheard police saying if you can't park to get your kid to school, why don't you just pull into one of the drives. Erm, what, park in someone's driveway? What?

BerylStreep Sun 21-Apr-13 15:38:55

I do think the other driver was making a twattish point by parking so close to her, as the OP does say that there were loads of empty spaces.

But having noted that he was making a twattish point, why on earth would you give him the satisfaction of letting him see (via the son) that it had annoyed you?

Parking across 2 spaces is inevitably likely to result in this sort of confrontation. If the OP had just parked within the lines, the guy probably wouldn't have parked anywhere near her.

The OP still hasn't explained if she was able to get in on the other side of the car.

giveitago Sun 21-Apr-13 15:48:04

Do we know the other driver was trying to make a twattish point or merely just seeing a space and parking in it. I'm a crap parker (but never park across two spaces) and then my dh is a parker of his country and hance a fabulous parker and will park as near to his destination as he can and squeeze into tiny places.

OP has been taught a really nasty lesson here in that her bad parking didn't work and she was caught out badmouthing the parent of someone who is clearly a good parker and doing nothing wrong. It's all got so out of hand. However, if someone was badmouthing me to her young kids who haven't got a clue and my ds overheard I'd be more than chuffed that he answered her back.