To not want to sit in the bastard DARK!?

(45 Posts)
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 19-Apr-13 22:25:06

DH always puts the fucking light off....in the sitting room. He does it when we're watching a film or he is.

I think it's selfish and I've had a paddy and left him in there. This was meant to be our night together and he's HAD to do it even though he knows I hate it.

If you want darkness GO TO SLEEP! AIBU to think it's hugely selfish?

HeySoulSister Fri 19-Apr-13 22:26:47

my parents used to do that!

AgentZigzag Fri 19-Apr-13 22:28:39

Do you mean the main ceiling light or all the lights?

I wouldn't want the big light glaring all night, but dark is too...dark grin

How did it get to the level of you going off in a strop though? Is he really that intent on having it off? (the light! wink)

Why would he do something he knows fucks you off?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 19-Apr-13 22:34:06

All of them Agent! He insists...I insist and then I storm off because he keeps insisting which pisses me off as there's no inbetween!

PseudoBadger Fri 19-Apr-13 22:36:52

Men don't believe in lamps IME. Or cushions.

AgentZigzag Fri 19-Apr-13 22:38:56

I can't imagine why you'd want to sit in the dark, it makes it much harder to watch the telly because it's so stark, and like you say, stay awake.

We've got a little lamp in a corner which just gives enough light to see stuff without blinding us.

I can see how it'd fuck you off if he's doing something he knows you won't like and you thought you were having a night in just the two of you, it's like he's excluding you from the room.

Is he watching something he knows you wouldn't want to watch?

ratspeaker Fri 19-Apr-13 22:40:15

Get a torch
or several toches
and one of those camping lights
and a head torch
and lots of candles

AgentZigzag Fri 19-Apr-13 22:45:56

It's your room too, how come he thinks he can manipulate you into stropping off gets to dictate?

deleted203 Fri 19-Apr-13 22:49:00

It would fuck me off. I probably don't want to watch the film. I want to read - so leave the bloody light on for me, please. Even if I do want to watch the film I hate watching it in a pitch dark room - it hurts my eyes.

Anyway...anyone who insists on doing something that you have repeatedly said you don't like is BVVU in my book.

qualitytoffee Fri 19-Apr-13 22:52:09

right, whenever he wants to do a crap in the loo, keep the light off, lets see how he copes then. But, its YOUR space too. so its not up to him actually, (does he have night blindness) ....

rumbelina Fri 19-Apr-13 22:53:34

I nearly posted this thread tonight - at Pil's house, telly on light off. I mean we're sat In. The. Dark.

I couldn't actually think of a decent argument other than its fucking weird, and I love pil to bits so just feebly said the dark might send me to sleep - they said don't worry we'll put you to bed.

YAsoooooooNBU

AgentZigzag Fri 19-Apr-13 22:55:54

Sitting in the total darkness apart from the telly totally shuts off doing anything else but focus on the box, you can't even look at the other person!

WMittens Fri 19-Apr-13 22:56:41

DH always puts the fucking light off....in the sitting room. He does it when we're watching a film or he is.

I think it's selfish and I've had a paddy and left him in there. This was meant to be our night together and he's HAD to do it even though he knows I hate it.

So you may hate watching a film like that, but he likes watching a film like that - why are you right and he is wrong? I would usually have the light on, but having the light off can help you pick up detail in dark areas of the screen which might otherwise be missed, and can also give a cinematic feel.

It sounds like you both need to do some growing up.

RobotLover68 Fri 19-Apr-13 22:58:29

OP I can't bear it either YANBU

sandyballs Fri 19-Apr-13 23:02:06

I sometimes worry that my DDs would grow up like this if I died suddenly, although I realise that might possibly not be high up on their list of worries.

But DH goes for either bright ceiling lights everywhere or darkness! WTF turn some lamps on. It funking bugs me.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 19-Apr-13 23:02:30

WMittens he could have ASKED first and also it's about compromise. A lamp for instance.

AgentZigzag Fri 19-Apr-13 23:04:55

'It sounds like you both need to do some growing up.'

Whether you prefer the light on or off during the evening/watching telly, is hardly an indicator of how mature you are.

What is it about the OP wanting the light on that makes you think she needs to 'grow up'?

WMittens Fri 19-Apr-13 23:07:30

NeoMaxi

You're right, which is why I said you both need to grow up.

This sounds like (the two of you) engineering an argument so both of you can get a negative pay off rather than trying to solve the problem and reach a compromise.

WMittens Fri 19-Apr-13 23:10:05

What is it about the OP wanting the light on that makes you think she needs to 'grow up'?

Nothing - "I've had a paddy and left him in there" makes me think she needs to do some growing up.

'Growing up' was a bit harsh and judgemental - what I really mean is to approach the matter in a reasoned manner to avoid entering into a psychological game; if he continues to try and invite the OP into such a game, it is best to identify it out loud for what it is, refuse to enter into it and keep up the reasoned approach.

I do like the idea of a passive aggressive donning of the head lamp whenever he turns it off grin

notsoyoniface Fri 19-Apr-13 23:25:01

Eh? I may have taken this the wrong way... but you are both watching a film or the telly, and he has turned the light off so you can watch said film or TV programme without distraction. And that's wrong?

It's your night together... in the dark... have some fun in the dark, don't post here... grin

yonisparechangemr Fri 19-Apr-13 23:30:21

So it's not just mines then! grin

Op I share your pain thanks

VerySmallSqueak Fri 19-Apr-13 23:32:53

Mine turns all the lights in the house off when we watch films like '28 weeks later.'
As we are rural there is little light filtering in from outside so it's pitch black.

He then wonders why I'm too scared to go to the loo alone!

YANBU.

isn't that bad for your eyes?

Apileofballyhoo Fri 19-Apr-13 23:53:08

DH does this too. So annoying. YANBU. But mainly NBU because it's supposed to be your shared time together and he knows you hate it. Hurtful.

thistlelicker Fri 19-Apr-13 23:54:14

I hate the ceiling light on!!! I'd rather sit in dark than have it on!!!

notso Fri 19-Apr-13 23:56:13

DH does this, he gets it from PIL you need farking night vision goggles in their house once the sun goes down.

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Apr-13 00:04:20

'"I've had a paddy and left him in there" makes me think she needs to do some growing up.'

Some might see it as storming off in an immature huff, others that the OP did the 'mature' thing by removing herself from the situation before she clocked her DH with the nearest lamp.

Personally, I'd sit there switching the light on while he was switching it off grin but the head lamp thing would be just as acceptable.

Brittabot Sat 20-Apr-13 00:13:23

I do this! I prefer to watch films that way, it recreates a cinema environment and discourages anyone from talking to me. I'm happy to talk at other times, but not during films or good telly.

FairPhyllis Sat 20-Apr-13 04:33:01

YANBU. I hate watching TV like this. I can't see it properly if there's no background light - the light of the TV goes all flared for me if it's the only light source in the room.

CSIJanner Sat 20-Apr-13 04:50:32

Neo - do you like nighttime driving or do you find that the headlights are too much? I do and had my eyes checked and apparently a certain% if the population cannot deal with lights in darkness as their eyes cannot 'scatter' (my opticians words not mine) the light beam so that it doesn't hurt their eyes.

If this is what you're finding, then your HIBU as sitting in the complete darkness to watch the box in the corner can hurt your eyes and potentially do them harm if if keeps happening. Sit him down and explain, and possibly get your optician to have a word with him if you can. HTH

NewAtThisMalarky Sat 20-Apr-13 05:58:38

In order to watch some films (and Doctor Who), the room needs to be darker so you can see what is on the screen. It's very rare that it needs to be in total darkness though (although I have seen one or two films that I've needed to be in darkness in order to see the detail).

We have a floor lamp that can you can adjust the brightness of which we use when watching films etc. maybe you should get something like that?

I don't see any difference in selfishness between insisting the light is on and insisting the light is off to be honest. You did say you were both watching the film, and havd different preferences.

Maybe take up knitting or crochet so you can legitimately say you need the light on?

I don't do TV in the dark either OP. My Dh knows not to turn out all the lights unless he wants to get up around 3am and get me some migraine meds. I does a number on my eyes and drives me nuts.
I never got the attraction of the pitch dark to watch TV at a minimum lamps are needed, the more the better in my opinion.

Iaintdunnuffink Sat 20-Apr-13 08:01:45

Get a small side light?

BenjaminButton172 Sat 20-Apr-13 08:57:26

When you go to the cinema you sit amd watch the film with the light off.

Maybe your dh likes to think hes at the cinema.

WMittens Sat 20-Apr-13 09:43:26

AgentZigzag

"Some might see it as storming off in an immature huff, others that the OP did the 'mature' thing by removing herself from the situation before she clocked her DH with the nearest lamp."

It's perfectly possible (and ultimately preferable) to remove oneself from that situation without the huff; the huff made it immature, and overall counterproductive (in my limited opinion).

freddiefrog Sat 20-Apr-13 09:52:27

I hate watching tv in the dark, it makes my eyes feel grotty and I get a shocking headache. The cinema does the same.

I hate to have lights on at home. We have a friend who comes round and starts turning all the lights off, drives me nuts.

And yes to not having the main ceiling might on, DH always turns it on, but lamps all the way for me

Jestrin Sat 20-Apr-13 09:56:12

My DH does this too! It used to be annoying but I've got used to it. He puts up with much more annoying stuff from me and the DC that I've let him have this one. grin

ChippingInLovesSpring Sat 20-Apr-13 09:59:52

Obviously it's an ongoing issue where neither of you are right and neither of you are wrong... so why haven't you discussed this and come up with a compromise before now - why keep arguing about it? Seems daft to me.

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Apr-13 10:38:35

But it's difficult to walk out of a room when you're angry without displaying the body language you're having a bit of a flounce WM.

And why waste the opportunity to non-aggressively get your point across?

Walking out as though nothing was wrong when he was clearly being an arse would be a bit doormat passive to me.

WMittens Sat 20-Apr-13 10:49:00

But it's difficult to walk out of a room when you're angry without displaying the body language you're having a bit of a flounce WM.

That's where the growing comes in - don't be angry.

And why waste the opportunity to non-aggressively get your point across?

Flouncing out is aggressive - it's the opposite of calm; it's just no violent (which seemed to be a (tongue in cheek) alternative you suggested).

Walking out as though nothing was wrong when he was clearly being an arse would be a bit doormat passive to me.

I'm only basing my views on your posts obviously, but you seem to have a very "win-lose" view of this situation (and maybe others?). Your posts and suggestions indicate an extremely competitive 'one-up' and aggressive attitude; I'm advocating side-stepping the conflict between OP and husband, rather than reinforcing it.

Hulababy Sat 20-Apr-13 10:52:12

You both need to compromise.
A small table/floor lamp or some candles. If you don't want the hassle of wax then there are lots of battery operated candles about with the same kind of flickering effect.

ScrambledSmegs Sat 20-Apr-13 13:01:59

I'd buy one of those head-lamp things and whip it out whenever he turns out the lights.

I am very childish though.

HerrenaHarridan Sat 20-Apr-13 14:46:16

Thank you op, everyone had always told me that having all lights off improves the viewing experience but it just makes me unable to look at the only source of light.

Now I know I am not alone.

Get a lamp, sit next to it smile

SoniaGluck Sat 20-Apr-13 16:24:02

YANBU. I hate watching telly in the dark. It's just not something I've ever been used to.

Years ago DH's (French) nieces came to stay with us for the Summer. Apparently it is impossible to watch telly unless the lights were turned off. Drove me scatty.

They also seemed to think that if there was a film on - any old film - it was going to be good and a definite must see. hmm

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