DP leaving baby DD in car

(123 Posts)
NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 13:31:47

Me and DP don't agree at all on this and I don't think I'm over acting and I know you ladies will be brutally honest.

DP thinks its okay to leave 6mo DD in the car on her own while he goes in the shop and grabs a paper/drink ect he can't always get parked right outside which I don't think matters but sometimes he has to park 4 or 5 cars away but he doesn't think there's a problem if its locked and I think it's completely wrong and it pisses me of everytime

WIBU me or DP?

MajaBiene Wed 17-Apr-13 13:34:20

If she's asleep/not bothered about it and it is less than 5 minutes, then personally I wouldn't mind.

Doing a big supermarket shop with the car at the other end of the carpark is a different matter.

I don't think either or you is BU, just different preferences.

aldiwhore Wed 17-Apr-13 13:34:46

YANBU.

The only exception I can think of where it's okay, and possibly a safer option is a petrol station, with no queue, but even then it depends on where it is! The advice is also to leave the car unlocked as well in case there's an explosion...

Emsmaman Wed 17-Apr-13 13:35:42

YANBU, my DH told me off when I admitted to leaving DD in the car whilst I paid for petrol!

fairylightsinthespring Wed 17-Apr-13 13:46:22

In the circumstances you describe, YABU. I frequently leave my two (age 3 and 1) in the car if I am stopped within that proximity of the shop and I am only getting one or two items. Today I left DD (1) in the car while I ran in and grabbed DS from pre-school because she was sound asleep. Every specific situation is different in relation to traffic, passers by etc but I think the explosion thing is ridiculous and so unlikely as to be a negligible risk. You are 100% more likely to be injured in a MOVING car than a stationary one, so by that logic, you shouldn't have them in the car in the first place.

FoxyRevenger Wed 17-Apr-13 13:49:15

I do this if I have to, I think it's absolutely fine.

Probably the chances of the car exploding or somesuch is vanishingly small.

They're strapped in, they're locked in, it's two minutes. It's fine.

FarmersGoodWife Wed 17-Apr-13 13:49:29

I think it is one of those questions where each to their own. I have never left DC in the car, at any age, for any reason. If he is asleep I make sure I use pay and pump petrol stations and will always take him into the shop, garage etc with me regardless if he has been sleeping. He has now learnt to stay asleep if he wants to so its not a problem. It was never something I thought about, just my natural instinct. So I don't think you are being unreasonable on this.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Wed 17-Apr-13 13:51:29

This isn't something I would do but I know others have no problem with it.

aldiwhore Wed 17-Apr-13 13:54:03

Foxy the 'exploding' part is more exclusive to petrol stations, not random spontaneous combustion... and unlocked doors to. smile That was the advice I was given, and it sort of makes sense.

MrsBungle Wed 17-Apr-13 13:54:58

I leave my two in the car right outside a shop if I am nipping in for a loaf of bread of such like. I have never seen an exploding car.

KatAndKit Wed 17-Apr-13 14:00:56

This isn't something I would do under any circumstances. I just don't think it is safe and ok, the chance of anything happening is small leaving a baby alone in a car is an unnecessary risk - he should just take her into the shop. Do you have a baby car seat that clips onto the pushchair chassis? I have found this a lifesaver. Also a sling for quick trips into a shop is useful. I use pay at the pump petrol stations whenever possible.
The only exception I make is at my local station there is a cash machine with a parking spot right in front of it. So because I am only going to be 6foot away from my car, I leave him in while I get cash out. I wouldn't leave him alone in the car while i went into the shop though.
I personally think that it is perhaps ok in a petrol station type shop if you absolutely have to as the forecourt is within full view while you are paying. But in most other shops that isn't the case, she would be totally out of his sight. I agree with you that it is completely wrong but that isn't the point. You have told him you are not happy and he is refusing to respect your wishes.

puddock Wed 17-Apr-13 14:04:15

YANBU. It's not just the small risk of something happening to them in the car, what if something happened to you and that few minutes became a longer time, and they're stuck in a car? Not worth risking IMO, for the sake of a quicker pop-in-the-shop.

Nagoo Wed 17-Apr-13 14:06:16

DH did this when DS was old enough to tell me about how he got left in the car while DH went into B&Q! He was old enough to escape from his car seat with a bit of willpower! angry sad

I did NOT like it ONE BIT sad

Some people think it's ok. Some don't. TBH the chances of anything happening to a strapped in 6MO are small, the thing I would worry about is being held up in the shop and the baby getting distressed. It's not an imagined risk of kidnap or explosion I'd focus on here.

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 14:06:37

Hmm so a mixed vote.

To answer some Q it doesn't matter if she's awake screaming or asleep if he wants to go to the shop he'll go and leave her regardless.

We have a car seat that clips into a base and it can attach to the pram so it's not like he has to do belts all the time you literally drop it into te base and press one button to pull it out.

I never leave her in the car alone. I use pay at pump or ill go into the garage if someone else is in the car

squeakytoy Wed 17-Apr-13 14:08:56

At six months old she isnt going to climb out of her seat, get out of the car, or take a handbrake off.. the chances of her being kidnapped are exceptionally miniscule..

The chances of the car bursting into flames, being abducted by aliens or any other incident again are extremely unlikely..

YABU in my opinion.

undercoverSAHM Wed 17-Apr-13 14:09:17

You have to be sure he doesn't ever do this in the summer. A car can heat up dramatically in a very short period of time, and he might for some reason be longer than he anticipates in the shop. On a winter's day for 2 mins, fine(ish) but there are dreadful stories of parents leaving children in hot cars from the States....37 babies/toddlers a year die this way.

What is his attitude going to be when the weather gets warmer? Cars heat up very fast and will he leave a window cracked open? Tbh, I think that it's laziness and I wouldn't put my child in a potentially dangerous situation, through laziness, but that depends on where you live and where he is parking. I live in a rough area, were car windows get smashed and there is shootings\car chasers etc.

Phineyj Wed 17-Apr-13 14:10:41

I'd do this if I was in sight of the car and then going straight back to the car (e.g. going to get a parking ticket when the machine is a few cars down), before wrangling DD into sling or buggy, but I did it today and discovered that the car alarm goes off! I guess I can conclude the Germans would think YANBU (car is VW...)

YoniRaver Wed 17-Apr-13 14:11:04

It is not something I would ever do, and would be furious if someone else did this with my DC.

However if people want to do this with their DC's then thats their choice personally think its lazy ass

I would point out to him that if he does leave a baby in the car he takes the risk of someone calling the police

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 14:11:38

I know the risks of kidnapping and explosions are very low but I just don't see the point of taking a risk that something could happen, it would take an extra 30seconds to get her out and put her back in again

Alwayscheerful Wed 17-Apr-13 14:11:56

what undercover said. better to tolerate it in the winter and insist never in the summer.

I think its fine, I've done this with all 5 of my DC and never had an issue.

If you said he was doing a big shop I would think that a bit mean, but popping in for a few bits is to me the equivalent of popping to the loo at home or popping into the garden to hang out the washing.

There has been thread after thread on this and you will get probably around a 50:50 split on those who think its ok and those who don't. Its a personal decision. I think if your DP is in charge of the baby at that time you need to let him make the decisions and trust that he can risk assess.

Jan49 Wed 17-Apr-13 14:13:35

The biggest risk is probably that someone will steal the car without knowing there's a baby in it, which seems to happen several times a year in the UK. Also the risk of him being delayed and not getting back to her.

I would call the police if I saw a baby alone in a car with no adult around.

Phineyj Wed 17-Apr-13 14:13:47

Hmm on reflection I think YANBU as it sounds like your DH doesn't take safety quite seriously enough so maybe it would be better for him to get in the habit now, no exception, before your DD does get to the age when she can wriggle out of the seat. Mind you, will he leave the seat in the corner of the shop and go wandering off round the supermarket?

McKayz Wed 17-Apr-13 14:13:54

I'd never ever do this. Even if the chances of something happening are tiny, they do happen occasionally.

Not worth the risk.

squeakytoy Wed 17-Apr-13 14:17:02

McKayz.. there is a risk the shop may get held up at gunpoint.. there is a risk the person carrying the baby may trip and drop the baby...

In other words there is a risk associated with every move you make, all the time.

If we all stopped doing anything because of a "risk no matter how tiny".. we wouldnt get very much done..

valiumredhead Wed 17-Apr-13 14:18:50

No, under no circumstances would I leave a child in the car.

McKayz Wed 17-Apr-13 14:18:56

That's true. But leaving my DC in the car is not a risk I would take and neither would DH

fairylightsinthespring Wed 17-Apr-13 14:20:08

Its not about laziness, its being practical and rational about risks. Anything CAN happen anytime, you just have to weigh up the likelihood of it and act accordingly which is why this particular issue is so dependent on exact cirumstances. If DD is asleep, getting her out WILL wake her. If she's been asleep for 20 mins, she'll not go back again, so that's it for the day and she will be a whingy whiney-arse all afternoon and have no fun. If I leave her in the car for a two minute nip in somewhere and she sleeps the rest of a journey, gets an hour, everyone's happy. Incidentally, I fell down the stairs the other day, home alone, not carrying one of the kids but I could have been, I could have been knocked out cold, or bleeding from the head, I could have left the iron on just before this, or the tap running. I think its laziness to have a hard and fast rule that you never think about breaking depending on the situation and the OPs husband is entitled to his view - why is she not BU for not respecting HIS views? Why does he automatically have to defer to her judgement on this one?

wineandroses Wed 17-Apr-13 14:22:43

Never have, never will. Things that could happen (and I realise that the chances of most happening are negligible, though not impossible):

- Something happens in the shop/garage/to me and I can't get back to car quickly, so DD is left alone;
- DD awakes and is distressed;
- DD is awake, undoes car seat, gets out of car and wanders off (depends on age, obvs);
- DD, awake, undoes car seat, lifts off hand-brake and car rolls down road (this actually happened to us shock whilst we were standing by the car talking to neighbour);
- Another vehicle hits the car and injures DD, or starts a fire;
- At garage, some sort of accident involving fire;
- Car left open (so alarm doesn't activate) and someone kidnaps DD.

Each to their own, but all of these risks are in my mind and it is so easy to just take the child with you. Your DH should respect your concerns and stop being so bloody lazy.

Saski Wed 17-Apr-13 14:24:08

I agree it's about weighing up risks. I'd definitely leave a baby alone in a locked car for 2 minutes if she was asleep or happily engaged, I can't see the problem.

If it were fumey or the locks were not great, no.

Saski Wed 17-Apr-13 14:27:40

Leaving a kid strapped in car so you can do a 2 minute task much more easily is not lazy. I don't understand the use of this word here.

The only real risk here is that she'd wake and become distressed. I don't see how this is any different than a number of circumstances that one would avoid, but find themselves in at some points. A well-adjusted baby will survive being left alone for 2-3 minutes in a secure environment.

pleasestoptalking Wed 17-Apr-13 14:30:28

YANBU - I never leave my children in the car on their own under any circumstances. It's not the same as popping to the loo or into the garden. You can't hear the children, you may not be able to see the children and they cannot let you know if they need you.

Either pop to the shops at a more convenient time when the baby is awake or take the baby / children with you.

Quenelle Wed 17-Apr-13 14:32:56

I have always left DS in the car at petrol stations. There are no pay at pumps available locally and I think there is more risk to DC crossing busy petrol forecourts than sitting in the car.

Fakebook Wed 17-Apr-13 14:40:07

"YANBU, my DH told me off when I admitted to leaving DD in the car whilst I paid for petrol!"

Did you tell him to fuck off? Honestly, who doesn't leave their children in the car when paying for petrol? I'd rather lock them in and run in and pay than faff around 10 hours removing them from car seats and then putting them back in.

OP, YABU. If he's running in to get the paper then I don't see the problem.

sarahtigh Wed 17-Apr-13 14:40:50

there was a thread about a week ago about leaving children in cars

your DD is a baby so no possibility of undoing seatbelt etc

there is no such thing as risk free,

i tend to agree with your DH but you are both parents and your opinion does not trump his or vice versa

personally i think the risks mentioned are so miniscule as to be quite safely ignored

the police/ SS are not remote;y interested in a child left in car for 2 minutes while buying paper/ milk/ paying for petrol they would be interested in a child left outside ASDA for instance

no child will over- heat in a car in 2 minutes even if 35C outside they might in 20-30 minutes

nothing is risk free , baby waking while Dh in shops no problem igf only 2-3 minutes, it is like if child cries when you are driving not always safe to stop and sometimes not legal if on motorway you have to go to next junction service station to stop however much they are crying

SilverSky Wed 17-Apr-13 14:47:30

I would never forgive myself if something happened to the car or the child(ren) whilst I'd been in a shop. It's not worth it. We are not magicians. We won't be able to turn back the clock.

Getting petrol is different as you can see the car at all times. As is the cash point, I park on top- right next to it.

sparechange Wed 17-Apr-13 15:04:31

SilverSky, would you be able to forgive yourself if something happened to them while they were in the shop with you?
What about if they were in the car with you and you crashed?

For what it is worth, I've seen two cars blow up/catch fire.
Both were being driven on a motorway at the time.

So I presume the logical conclusion is that none of the OPs who are worried about cars blowing up will ever, ever drive on a motorway again? hmm

SquirrelNuts Wed 17-Apr-13 15:10:54

YANBU i dont care how low the risk of anything happening is, its not worth taking that chance just because youre too lazy to get them out the car

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 15:12:34

Seems like a 50/50 split then

livinginwonderland Wed 17-Apr-13 15:20:37

my parents did this with me all the time. i always asked to sit in the car from the age of about 5/6 if my mum had to go into the shop quickly, because it meant i got to control the radio!

if it's literally only for a few minutes, i don't see the problem.

undercoverSAHM Wed 17-Apr-13 15:52:24

sarahtigh

"no child will over- heat in a car in 2 minutes even if 35C outside they might in 20-30 minutes"

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (USA), 'the temperatures in a locked car in the summer sun can climb from 78 degrees to 100 degrees in just three minutes, to 125 degrees in 6-8 minutes.'

How long does it take for a car to get hot if not in direct sun?

Outside temperatureTemperature in carTime it takes to reach
75 100 10 minutes
75 120 30 minutes
85 90 5 minutes
85 100 7 - 10 minutes
85 120 30 minutes
100 140 15 minutes

Sorry the chart is not in centigrade but if the temp outside is about 35C (well above 85F) , as you say, then even 7 minutes would make the car dangerously hot. Please don't give people the impression that 20-30 mins would be acceptable in those circumstances. That could cost a life in a very horrific fashion.

So it's not 50:50 on a hot day.

GirlOutNumbered Wed 17-Apr-13 17:12:08

Mine are left in car when going in for two or three items. I can't carry child seat and hold hand of 3 year old in shop.
It happens rarely, but I don't have problem with it.

i will leave my 4 and 6yo in the car if i'm just popping into our corner shop as the spaces are right outside.

but i wouldnt have left them in there when they were babies.

sarahtigh Wed 17-Apr-13 18:12:10

but my point was that 2-3 minutes will not overheat a child in UK temperature is not often above 20 (68F)

I would never leave child 20-30 minutes but was just suggesting that you would not be seriously ill from heat in 2-3 minutes you could be seated in car with engine off for that length of time at traffic lights

OP was asking about leaving child for 2-3 minutes, my DD is 3 and would leave her in locked car while paid for petrol went to post office/ village shop while car was parked outside, we live in sleepy village where everyone knows everyone I might think differently in central london

i would never take her out of car at petrol station

with older children i think there is bigger risk as they can undo seat belts release hand brake activate alarm get out of car

my other point is that people were exaggerating the risks of leaving child in car

BlueberryHill Wed 17-Apr-13 18:29:44

Similar situation to sarahtigh, small village shop, park outside and I watch the car, leave them in the car whilst getting petrol. I judge the risks of going across a forecourt much higher than leaving them in the car.

Its not laziness, I have toddler twins, its about safety. Mind you, I did the same with DS1, still not laziness, its assessing risk and acting accordingly.

ohshutup Wed 17-Apr-13 18:33:42

yanbu anything can happen , car might get hit , nicked or catch alight ,yes very rare but can happen !

BallerinaZeena Wed 17-Apr-13 18:36:54

YABU. Stupidly excluded etx (boiling hot day etc etc) I can't see the problem.

They are probably safer in a parked and locked car than they are when it's being driven.

formicaqueen Wed 17-Apr-13 18:38:40

If I am parking next to the shop and can see the kids all the time whilst in the shop I don't mind.

formicaqueen Wed 17-Apr-13 18:38:52

but only for two or three mins

Viviennemary Wed 17-Apr-13 18:44:53

No I don't think this is OK even if the chances of anything happening are unlikely. Because you do hear of the odd time a car gets stolen with a baby in it. I've heard of this on the news at least once in the last year. The baby was found safe but that's not the point. Nothing is worth the risk where small children are concerned.

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 18:45:54

Okay so each to there own but to me it's wrong. It wasn't a shop in a quite little village either it was a main busy road and you can't see the car on the shop

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 18:47:32

That's my point Vivienne.

Tailtwister Wed 17-Apr-13 18:48:51

No, I wouldn't leave a child in the car to go into a shop. I always try to pay at the pump in petrol stations, but got caught out once. I figured it was more dangerous to get 2 kids out of the car and across the forecourt than it was to leave them in the car. If I'd had one small baby in a car seat I would have taken them in with me though.

ChippingInLovesSpring Wed 17-Apr-13 18:48:52

YABU

It's something I happily do - I can't see the problem. It's not lazy it's sensible.

As others have pointed out - there are risks in everything we do, there is as much risk taking her into the shop with you as there is leaving her in the car. It's a couple of minutes, not a Friday night while he's at the pub with his mates or at tesco while he does a full shop.

ChippingInLovesSpring Wed 17-Apr-13 18:51:25

I honestly don't see why people get so het up by it, realistically what is going to happen?

BallerinaZeena Wed 17-Apr-13 18:53:42

Like I said, more chance of the kids dying in a car crash than being in the back when it gets stolen etc

However OP is clearly not going to change her mind, so... Whatever.

PlasticLentilWeaver Wed 17-Apr-13 18:58:15

Assuming the OP is in the UK, exactly how many days have we had in the last couple of years when it has got anywhere close to 35C? This is a complete red herring here.

I think fairylights is spot on here. Why does OP's opinion trump her DH's?

The risk of being involved in a crash while moving is far greater than that of the car being stolen or exploding in those couple of minutes. So if that risk is too great for you, then you shouldn't even have the child in the car. And that would be unreasonable for most rational peopke.

NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 19:07:26

Plastic I've never said that my opinion trumps DPs just that we disagree and I wanted to know what is normal for other people. It's something I don't agree with and he does so I don't do it and he does, nothing I can say to him will stop him from doing it but today it pissed me off that he left her screaming in the car to go and get a bottle of bloody pop

fudgeit Wed 17-Apr-13 19:15:18

a few years back i noticed two toddlers waiting in a car at supermarket car park for their mum to return, their car was a people carrier and so their seats were elevated and they were clearly visible. i decided i had to wait until their mum returned not to tell her off but for my own peace of mind. now that i have kids of my own, i don't leave them in the car unless i can see the car at all times, eg returning a trolley. it's almost like you need to assess each situation as it happens, and when my gut tells me it's not safe they're coming with me!

eccentrica Wed 17-Apr-13 19:28:35

ChippingInLovesSpring I think people get worked up because it just feels very wrong to leave a young baby on its own, out of sight, in public. I absolutely couldn't do it and if someone did it to my child I would never ask them to babysit again.

EasilyBored Wed 17-Apr-13 20:03:02

Do people really take their children out of the car the pay for petrol? That seems far more dangerous to me, what if they run off across the petrol station etc? I leave DS in the car to pay for petrol and if I'm within sight of the car, getting cash out for example.

SilverSky Wed 17-Apr-13 21:17:48

sparechange - if I came back to the car and found it empty or came back to find the car missing then what? That is my biggest fear. If I take them into the shop they are in the buggy strapped in. I know where they are and what they are up to. Out of sight out of mind.

I'm the same with the dog.

If an accident happened whilst I was in the car, of course, I'd feel guilty, regardless of who is at fault but it is not the same as leaving children/babies in the car unattended.

It's all entirely personal. The OP is asking for opinions therefore I am giving mine and mine is I choose not to. I am not slagging of those that do. I am giving the OP the justification for my decision.

MajaBiene Wed 17-Apr-13 22:41:08

People who say "you must never take the risk", have you considered the risk of taking them in to the shop?

You could trip over and fall on the baby
You could get mugged
The shop could get held up at knife/gunpoint
A car might mount the pavement and run you over

I know, all unlikely - but is it worth taking the risk?

SilverSky Thu 18-Apr-13 20:39:51

But it's all personal choice isn't it? There is risk everywhere. Everyone has different levels of risk that they are prepared to expose themselves to. For me leaving children/babies unaccompanied in cars is a no go for me.

farewellfarewell Thu 18-Apr-13 20:51:48

what about when you have 3/4 children with you? is it safer to unload baby, toddler and young children to run in and pay for petrol etc? it doesn't feel like a safer option tol me.

SilverSky Thu 18-Apr-13 22:35:36

If I can see the car whilst I pay for petrol, use the cashpoint then I'm fine with that as they are not out of my sight.

I agree having to unload several kids to run a short errand is a PITA so for me, and I can only speak for me, I'd run that errand when they are not with me.

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 18-Apr-13 22:42:52

YANBU.

You don't leave a tiny baby alone in a car. FFS.

Angelico Thu 18-Apr-13 23:09:24

I have left DD in car (baby) to run into the petrol station to pay for petrol or grab a loaf of bread. I can park at door and see car. For any other shop I lift her out and either carry her in arms or sling - or put in buggy if I'll be a while.

I think it's whatever you feel comfortable with. I wouldn't feel comfortable for 5 mins but am okay with up to a minute if I can see the car.

So I guess neither you nor DP are being totally unreasonable - unless he is in shop for ages. <unhelpful>

FattyMcChubster Thu 18-Apr-13 23:11:54

Vivienne- 'nothing is worth the risk' that's ridiculous. That would mean never leaving the house, never cooking, making a cup of tea, getting out of bed etc. life is full of risks, we just need to be sensible about how much we're willing to accept.

sashh Fri 19-Apr-13 04:01:19

This is one of the many reasons that when I rule the world there will be drive through small shops.

Just like you get at macdonalds with the exception of an automated ordering system so you can send an SMS (obviously not if driving) with your registration number and what you want. The automatic registration device will recognise your car when you arrive and a bag containing your goods will be handed to you.

You will just have to pay, unless you have pre registered and your account will be paid automatically.

These shops will also offer pre ordered nutritionally balanced meals so you can pick up your children's lunch during the school run.

Springforward Fri 19-Apr-13 04:09:35

I don't personally. Apart from safety/ security type concerns, DS might be really upset to wake up alone in the car. I remember being left in the car while my DF went into shops as a young kid, just school age I guess, and it being really quite scary if he took a while.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 19-Apr-13 04:17:08

Whether we or you or he think it is reasonable or not, I can say from experience that the police might take a dim view of this.

378 Fri 19-Apr-13 04:29:41

I am sure I have read of babies fatally overheating when outside temp is 15 degrees but sunny, and in a v short spaceof ttime.V good article im Washington Post about it though no time to look it up now.

Here (not in UK) you would absolutely be prosecuted (though tbf not sure if that would apply after just 5 mins).

It's a bit like the bath - sure 1560 times you might be fine but why take a risk that you don't actually need to as one time may be the awful one.

Also could be a slippery slope - 2 mins eventually becomes 5 then 10
...

Annoyed101 Fri 19-Apr-13 07:30:30

Sash you could rule with that idea! Brilliant

YANBU

he leaves her even if screaming? What a horrid thing. (I have 2, yes I can't comfort them all the time but I take them with me)

I've never done this. I don't just pop anywhere in the car though - I walk for short trips to the shop. Appreciate not everyone can though.

GrowSomeCress Fri 19-Apr-13 08:03:46

I wouldn't be surprised if it was more likely that something bad would happen if a baby was in a shop with you than if simply locked in a car

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 08:12:43

But surely the point isnt really how likely it is that "something could happen" but more that if something happened she'd be all alone.
If something happened to my child and I'd left him/her completely on their own and out of my sight, I wouldn't feel great about that.

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 08:15:37

PS yanbu. He should respect your wishes regarding this, as he's got no good argument as to why it's fine (except sheer laziness).
If he's only getting a couple of items, why can't he take her in? Or go to the shop when he doesn't have her with him?

CheeseToasty Fri 19-Apr-13 08:22:14

I did this once when my children were 4 and 6. It was the only time I had done it as we were really late. The car was right outside and I was probably only away from them for 30 seconds. Anyway a teacher from their school saw and said she should report it to ss and that if she saw it again she would.

AmberLeaf Fri 19-Apr-13 08:29:49

YANBU

Anyone that does this is fucking stupid IMO.

Remember Ames Glover?

AmberLeaf Fri 19-Apr-13 08:30:59

Regardless of potential [rare] kidnap, it is still a stupid thing to do.

I know of two cases local to me where cars were stolen with babies in them.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 19-Apr-13 08:33:48

My baby has chickenpox. I have no choice!

wiltingfast Fri 19-Apr-13 08:42:46

Yawn, of course this is not an unreasonable thing to do in the circs described by the op. Not sure what people think the risk is exactly. Surely no more than what could happen when you take baby with you. You can't live a life without risk. Who knows what you are exposing you baby too in a shop full of strangers?

DeepRedBetty Fri 19-Apr-13 08:45:07

When dtds were little I'd leave them if I was going in to pay for petrol etc. I'm in the 'balancing of risks' camp.

Of all the little trips to Minor Injuries, and bigger trips to A+E, the causes were never anything to do with being in the car or out and about, they all took place in our home or garden.

EasilyBored Fri 19-Apr-13 09:04:46

People have very odd perceptions of risk. We put our children in plenty of avoidable risky situations every day. While I wouldn't leave a crying baby in a car, I just don't understand the hysteria. I wonder what the statistics say about the number of children left in cars v's those who come to harm, and the numbers injured in car accidents where walking was a completely acceptable option.

It just seems like a totally over the top response to me.

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 09:17:23

Have you read my post? I think it's more a maternal/paternal instinct issue - leaving a baby unattended and out of sight doesn't make us comfortable

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 09:18:27

And I still think the dh is being an arse. Regardless of whether it's ok or not, sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do.

PassTheCremeEggs Fri 19-Apr-13 09:20:52

The thing that stops me doing this is the thought of something happening to me, and no one knowing my baby is locked in the car alone, particularly if it is down the street. (we have tinted back windows so she wouldn't be visible) Might be a big hypothetical but it's enough to stop me at the moment.

DontmindifIdo Fri 19-Apr-13 09:29:51

I tend to think "would this sound bad when explaining to social services/police?" and as others have said, you might plan for it to be 2 minutes, but what if something happens to you?

sashh Fri 19-Apr-13 09:35:24

Annoyed101

I know, but I don't have the finance to build one.

Annoyed101 Fri 19-Apr-13 09:46:41

Shame sash but you have my vote grin

LimitedEditionLady Fri 19-Apr-13 09:46:44

No i would never leave mine in the car anywhere.he gets out to just walk into the shop to pay for petrol even though hes going right back in again.no imagine the guilt and pain if something happened like a car hit the parked or baby got distressed.no,i actually woule be mad too.

Startail Fri 19-Apr-13 09:55:36

I've left DD2 asleep in a quiet residential dead end and grabed her sister from nursery or school and I never in strapped them at petrol stations. They knew to stay put.

They were in far more danger of being run over wandering across the forecourt. (Pay at pump is a new fangled idea and even now is rare here).

livinginwonderland Fri 19-Apr-13 10:03:24

And I still think the dh is being an arse. Regardless of whether it's ok or not, sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do.

question - why does mums preference trump dads?

MooMooSkit Fri 19-Apr-13 10:16:13

YANBU. I only leave lo in the car if I can see him (ie cash points, petrol stations) and he is 3!

SarahBumBarer Fri 19-Apr-13 10:42:18

why is it a "bottle of bloody pop"? It's a drink. He was thirsty - it's a basic human need. Now if he had popped into the betting shop I could perhaps understand the venom but for pop to result in such anger is petty.

YABU by the way. When he is in charge it is pretty much his decision how to parent. If he was doing a big shop or popping into a large store then it might be worth the argument but this is just diff'rent folks/strokes and all and he can chose as much as you can.

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 10:44:59

living I didn't say that it does.
But I explained clearly why it does in this instance (you even quoted me, so I'm unsure what you're confused about) -
sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do. Cos that's the only justification he has against carrying out her wishes, regardless of whether he thinks she being unreasonable or not.

Angelico Fri 19-Apr-13 10:51:29

Amber the only times babies have been stolen in cars here are if a) the car was hijacked when parent was in the car or b) the parent left the car open and keys in the car - highly unlikely at a shop unless the parent is indeed fucking stupid.

I do get the impression when I see these hysterical threads on MN that it depends a lot on where you live. E.g. Cheesetoasty if a teacher had said that around here they would be laughed at or told to go and fuck themselves (and I'm a teacher). But then I live in a small town with exceptionally low crime and a very strong community feeling. So I feel quite happy leaving DD in car at local petrol station for a minute if I can see car, whereas if it was a big city I probably wouldn't.

Angelico Fri 19-Apr-13 10:52:32

But for the record Sash awesome idea grin

EasilyBored Fri 19-Apr-13 10:55:13

No, the justification is that he doesn't view the risk in the same way as her.

livinginwonderland Fri 19-Apr-13 11:00:04

sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do. Cos that's the only justification he has against carrying out her wishes, regardless of whether he thinks she being unreasonable or not.

no, it's not laziness. he doesn't see the risk that she sees. he thinks leaving a 6 month old baby in a car is not dangerous. she thinks it is dangerous. it's not that he's lazy, they just have a different opinion on what's acceptable.

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 11:06:28

Every so often we get these threads, 'should I leave baby in car/play outside/stay at home alone' etc. It seems to me the ultra safe parents who have to have their child with them are actually looking to protect themselves more than the child. In that 'I could never live with myself if something happened' even if apparently avoiding risk actually puts the child at greater danger, crossing a busy petrol station forecourt with a couple of toddlers, for example, mmr is another.

Life has dangers, and while I don't think they should just be ignored, I don't think tiny risks (cars exploding!) are should be avoided at all costs.

I let my DD, 7, go to post a letter for the first time the other day, I was (quietly) panicking about it, but I knew it wasn't about me. it was about her, and so I should let her do it.

I would just try to relax a bit if I were you.

AmberLeaf Fri 19-Apr-13 11:25:08

Yes what DontmindifIdo said too.

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 11:42:20

Im not sure why I'm being picked out as saying something weird!?
If I asked dh to stop doing something cos I thought it was a bit risky/didnt like it, and his answer was "I think it's fine so I'll keep on doing it" I'd be pretty pissed ofc at him.
And when the easy solution is to lift her out the car, then it's laziness not to do as mum asks

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 11:43:58

Just coming back to these exploding cars...if a car is in danger of exploding it seems to me (although I have never heard of it and know nothing about it) that a car is more likely to explode while the engine is running not when it's parked with the electrics all switched off?

If people worry about cars exploding, why would they let their children in them at all?

ukatlast Fri 19-Apr-13 11:54:37

YANBU LTB he is being totally irresponsible. Seriously you are the Mum and if you say you think this is a risk too far, he should respect that.

It is not just abduction that is the issue, it is the car catching fire, the baby being sick and choking....he is a fool.

ukatlast Fri 19-Apr-13 11:55:42

I always took kids in with me at petrol station or structured life so I wasn't the one filling the car up, OH did it instead.

sarahtigh Fri 19-Apr-13 18:22:11

he is not irresponsible it just sees it moreorless like I do that it is not a real risk and it is his child as much as the mothers so his opinion counts as much as hers

it is not laziness leaving child for a minute or two in most cases i see it as common sense or in some cases like at petrol station actually the safer option, why should he respect her opinion when she clearly does not respect his opinion, differences in parenting need to be discussed not "I am the mother what i say goes"

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 19:02:51

It's not laziness to leave them but it is laziness if there's no justification for him doing it against your wishes

sarahtigh Fri 19-Apr-13 22:58:36

but why do her wishes trump his wishes? why is his action called laziness? it is not; it is a difference of opinion, his justification is that it is not necessary and she is possibly being PFB and paranoid about a risk which is perhaps as great as being struck by lightning

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 23:21:31

But if you were really pissed off at dh cos he did something you REALLY weren't comfortable with, but there was no GOOD reason for him to ignore your wishes, except that its "easier than getting her out the car", then why is that a GOOD reason TO IGNORE what you want him to do?
To reiterate, if I was really uncomfortable with my dh doing something- even if he thought it was fine- I'd be mighty annoyed if his BEST JUSTIFICATION was "but its easier than getting her out the car" It's my opinion and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has it. AT NO POINT HAVE I SAID MUM'S WISHES TRUMP DAD'S

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 23:25:07

In other words, is it IMPOSSIBLE to discuss what they'd like to do in this sort of situation rather than it being turned into a "someone winning* scenario

LittleYellowBall Fri 19-Apr-13 23:29:14

I'm with your DH. YABU.

SimLondon Fri 19-Apr-13 23:47:37

Car is not likely to explode - however i've read of at least two reports this year of cars in England being stolen with unattended toddlers inside. WTF, if you need to pop into a shop or pay for petrol, what's wrong with taking the child with you, carrying the baby car seat if baby is asleep.

LauraPashley Fri 19-Apr-13 23:57:26

I don't think it's about how small the risk is necessarily - leave them in potentially exploding car or take them into potentially accident- ridden shop/forecourt situation. For me it is about not leaving them- if my car explodes I want to be in it with them (and yes I am exaggerating!). I just don't want something to happen and me not to be there with them!

Ouchmyhead Sat 20-Apr-13 01:41:29

I had this issue the other week with my nephew! I had him for the day but had to go and get diseasl. He's 4 months old, the petrol station is past his house, but I got myself in such a panic deciding whether it was ok to leave him in the car whilst I paid I decided just to drive past his house, get the diseasl and come back again! Still have no clue what would be the 'right' thing to do!

fairylightsinthespring Sat 20-Apr-13 08:04:02

But if the OPs husband is saying its easier, presumably if and when they had a longer conversation he would reiterate the various arguments on here about negligible risk etc and then really, as this thread has shown, there can be no real agreement, so I think the OP might just have to live with the fact that he will do it, but she won't. Someone upthread DID say "she's the mum, what she says goes" and I have no idea why that should be the case assuming the dad is a fully capable and committed parent.

Angelico Sat 20-Apr-13 10:13:08

FFS cars do not get stolen with kids inside unless they are a) hijacked - in which case parent is forced out of the car or b) the parents have left their baby in an unlocked car with a key conveniently inside. Common sense people, common sense!

The exploding thing - I have no idea how unlikely this is but I'm guessing if I had to use one word I'd say 'vanishingly'.

SpanishFly Sat 20-Apr-13 13:57:38

Angelico um, you are wrong, cars HAVE been stolen with kids/babies inside. So you cant take back your "FFS" comment.

PigletJohn Sat 20-Apr-13 14:55:56

I would have thought anyone dozy enough to leave their unattended cars not locked, with the keys inside and sometimes the engine running, and a sign saying "please steal me" might also sometimes leave small children inside

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TiredFeet Sat 20-Apr-13 17:40:14

I wouldn't ever do this again. Left ds asleep while I nipped to pharmacy to get his medicines, but them in boot of car and unfortunately somehow dropped keys and locked them in boot. I hadn't even left window open a chink as I was only going to be a matter of seconds. It was a sunny day and the locksmith said he couldn't get there for 45 minutes, it was awful. Luckily some lovely men came from the local garage came and showed how easy it was to break into the car, but it was an awful moment.

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