Eh? What the jeff does one need a floral field fresh fanjo for?

(99 Posts)
HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 21:38:46

What the hell is that Always panty liner ad on about? Women in lift smells of springy flowered and meadows making her confident and happy to be in a lift? confused

AIBU to think no woman ever has avoided going in a lift because her vaginal secretions may make it smell?

Whilst I see the point of panty liners I do not see the point of a daffodil scented nether region.

Weird.

AnyoneforTurps Tue 16-Apr-13 21:40:14

Mine's hyacinth with a hint of narcissus.

I just stick whatever flower is in season up my fanjo, i prefer to be environmentally friendly.

Icelollycraving Tue 16-Apr-13 21:43:19

I like to entwine freshly picked daisies through my foof.

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 21:43:21

Oh dear.

Is this going to be a mince rinsing/clean skirting boards moment.

Am I going to discover I'm the only slattern that doesn't Zolflra their fanjo daily?

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 16-Apr-13 21:44:05

Surely you can't be serious? For years I've been walking up the stairs instead of taking lifts, or buses, and sitting at the furthest corner of waiting rooms, in case someone might smell me. Now these people have FINALLY saved me from these unnatural odours and I can be feminine and sweet, and you take the piss? YABsoVeryU.

Powerwash daily, nothing else can deep clean it as well as a good powerwash.

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 16-Apr-13 21:45:46

I just douse my pantyliners with air freshener, that way I can vary the fragrance: magnolia Mondays, citrus fruit Tuesdays, etc.

I am very confident when using lifts now, thanks to this simple trick!

AnyaKnowIt Tue 16-Apr-13 21:47:17

Just the thought is making me itch.

Why do they do it? Why???

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 21:47:27

TWinkly. Sorry <<shame face>>

What about escalators? Scented or unscented?

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 16-Apr-13 21:47:34

And I don't care if it's not eco-friendly, my yoni is totally worth it!

I like to entwine freshly picked daisies through my foof

I just read this as "freshly pickled daisies..... grin

Actually, I have resorted to buying value products now, as I find it so difficult to get anything without added "freshness" round here.

Mrsfluff Tue 16-Apr-13 21:52:28

You mean you all leave the house everyday, taking your foofs with you!?! <tiny mind explodes> wink

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 16-Apr-13 21:53:01

London Underground escalators are ok, so long as people stand on the right so I can quickly pass on the left. Of course I could never travel on the rush hour tubes, the horrors. Escalators where people linger, a minefield. In fact tomorrow, panty liner in place, I may go to a shopping centre and ride up and down the escalators for hours.

skippedtheripeoldmango Tue 16-Apr-13 21:53:37

I blame America - sorry any American MNetters - but that country is way too obsessed with nether region cleanliness and the UK always seems to end up following suit with the USA mind boggling crazes at some point...

ChilliJo Tue 16-Apr-13 21:55:10

Scratch 'n' sniff stickers in your gusset are your friend here, folks. A kind of fragrant vajazzle, if you like. You need to make sure there's no-one else in the lift when you have a scratch though.

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 16-Apr-13 21:57:02

chillijo arf!

MooncupGoddess Tue 16-Apr-13 21:57:07

How ridiculous! A quick squirt of citrus-scented Fairy Liquid has always done me fine.

I'm thinking of buying a Glade Sense and Spray, A quick bend over, it gives me a squirt and I can leave the house knowing my fanjo will not offend anyone.

chillijo snurk!

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 22:03:29

Perhaps there should be signs up, for places where it is ok to A&E an unscented fanjo?

montage Tue 16-Apr-13 22:03:47

It's more economical to stick a glade airfresher in your undergarments although you do need reinforced pants.

Bulky but environmentally friendly (you can buy refills)

I use one of those sensor ones that sprays air freshener when it detects movement so other people also get a fragrant jet on their nether regions in the lift.

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 22:04:33

Whaaaaa?

How the Hell does "take" get autocorrected to "A&E"?

elfycat Tue 16-Apr-13 22:06:03

chilljo why should we be coy about scratch and sniff. The amount I've seen men have a good scratch and then a sniff of the offending hand!

It's all about equality. The Equality Act (2012) should be amended to contain a sub-clause.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 16-Apr-13 22:09:32

Magic Tree Vanilla car air freshener for me.

The natural state of our vagina is revolting, don't you know? Like the natural state of our everything, really.

Heavywheezing Tue 16-Apr-13 22:09:51

Febreze is your friend

I always wondered why they didn't make scented tena lady

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 16-Apr-13 22:10:18

I think I prefer A&E an unscented fanjo.

The way some people go on, you'd think it was a medical emergency!

Maat Tue 16-Apr-13 22:10:47

You don't need all that rubbish.

A daily handstand in the shower and you should be good to go.

poorbuthappy Tue 16-Apr-13 22:14:20

I had awful thrush last week which I can only blame on fucking Always and the slightly different ones I had to buy in Val d'Europe France because I came on early and only had 1 normal emergency pad with me.

In fact I had to buy 2 packets. Oh no not because I needed them, but because dt1 insisted on carrying the bag in which packet number 1 was situated, and since we were at the wrong end of the shopping centre, bounced/ran/fell/walked the whole length of the bloody place, only for her to give me a fucking empty carrier bag.
So yes, I had to walk all the way back to the pharmacy (it was Easter Saturday so the queues in the supermarket were horrific) to buy another fucking pack.
And then they gave me thrush.
Bastardsangry

BriansBrain Tue 16-Apr-13 22:14:32

I use a dangly car air fresher. I hang it on my clit.

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 16-Apr-13 22:14:42

How about a bikini wax using a scented candle? Might that work?

Buzzardbird Tue 16-Apr-13 22:17:26

Mine is naturally clitrus fruit scented <proud>

apostropheuse Tue 16-Apr-13 22:20:03

Eh? What the jeff does one need a floral field fresh fanjo for?

Well in case someone wants to tiptoe through the tulips.

Obviously.

MooncupGoddess Tue 16-Apr-13 22:20:29

What we really need here is scented mooncups.

Minimammoth Tue 16-Apr-13 22:20:52

Pot pourri is the answer.

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 22:21:11

::Sings::
Do the Shake N Vag to put the freshness back
Do the Shake N Vag to put the freshness back
When the room smells fresh so do you
next time you vacuum you know what to do.......

Suddenly that advert makes more sense.

Minimammoth Tue 16-Apr-13 22:21:12

Or pant pourri

Minimammoth Tue 16-Apr-13 22:22:13

'Shake an vag' ahahaharkh

BriansBrain Tue 16-Apr-13 22:22:16

Shake n vag vac

It puts the freshness back

BriansBrain Tue 16-Apr-13 22:22:45

Bugger x post grin

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 22:22:51

Aposttropheuse grin

Couldn't you just put a fresh, hand-picked posy in the mooncup each time you change it?

thebody Tue 16-Apr-13 22:24:25

Sweet pea scented in the morning and more fish bake by evening.

Sidge Tue 16-Apr-13 22:24:29

I like Cillit Bang

BriansBrain Tue 16-Apr-13 22:25:20

Or a pomander?

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 16-Apr-13 22:25:53

sidge grin

Clit bang, surely?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 16-Apr-13 22:26:37

And strangely the term 'Lady Garden' came way before floral scented pantyliners...

I don't get it at all though. I mean - if you're getting your knickers close enough for someone to sniff you're probably past the point of shyness when it comes to the smell?

ShanksYoni Tue 16-Apr-13 22:27:17

Those sort of things make me end up with eau de thrush.

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 22:27:56

Charlie

How close to you get to people in lifts exactly? shock

elQuintoConyo Tue 16-Apr-13 22:29:46

I wipe my two lips with tulips before entering a lift - sometimes during, if needs must.

WireCatWhore Tue 16-Apr-13 22:32:02

Well of anyone tried to sniff my fanjo in a lift, they wouldn't leave the lift alive.

BOF Tue 16-Apr-13 22:32:30

I run a cloth dipped in fabric softener lightly over the area, and let my body heat gently suffuse the fragrance. I learned that on mumsnet smile.

thebody Tue 16-Apr-13 22:33:39

The tenna lady in red has a massive arse.

fengirl1 Tue 16-Apr-13 22:33:43

Along the same lines, if anyone gets the connection between washing your hair and thrush, (as per the Canestan ad) perhaps they could let me know as I'm mystified smile!

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 16-Apr-13 22:34:01

Well exactly Honey. I mean, I don't personally get that close to people full stop antisocial.

Let alone close enough for them to sniff me draws shock

BlastAndDalmatians Tue 16-Apr-13 22:37:05

I use a steam cleaner on mine. Revolutionised my life it did. Will never go back.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 16-Apr-13 22:38:37

fengirl - surely it's because all women do all day is wash their hair, get in lifts, shop/lunch with girlfriends etc?

They have to show us fickle girls using the product in connection with our daily activities or we just can't imagine ourselves using it.

Personally I never even considered buying sanitary towels until I was rollerblading down the promanade one day...

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Tue 16-Apr-13 22:40:10

Well I didn't want to brag about getting one of those dysons in the product trial but.... it being wireless is a wonderful thing grin

FreudiansSlipper Tue 16-Apr-13 22:40:10

I have been using scented loo roll and now have an itchy foof sad

Goldmandra Tue 16-Apr-13 22:40:49

Thanks for this thread ladies. Laughing so much I need to find an inhaler now and DH wants to know what's so funny. Should I tell him?

WildThongIWannaKnowForSure Tue 16-Apr-13 22:42:18

I use freshly mown grass as it's also environmentally friendly.
and it tickles my fancy

YohedYoshoulderYonisandYotoes Tue 16-Apr-13 22:42:23

It make me laugh to think that women are more likely to smell offensive - has no-one been in a CEX store recently.. <gip>

MrsEdinburgh Tue 16-Apr-13 22:43:39

I do like to air mine on the washing line.
You can't beat that fresh air feeling!

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 16-Apr-13 22:44:46

MrsEdinburgh What do you air on the line? Do you peg your Yoni? shock <-- pain

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 22:48:33

Moonlight grin

maddening Tue 16-Apr-13 22:48:35

glam it up with some glitter hair spray for a 70s/80s look.

and we all want to be fragrant for brian smile

BriansBrain Tue 16-Apr-13 22:49:28

Mrs may I suggest lying on the grass naked - same result but less peggage?

Fallenangle Tue 16-Apr-13 22:49:48

Flowery yonis are nothing new. Its the 1950s. Friends sit drinking gin tea in front room on Friday afternoon. Husband of hostess walks up garden path carrying flowers.
'oh no,' says she. 'He has brought flowers, he will want me on my back all weekend!'
'My dear,' says her friend, 'why don't you get a vase?'

WildThongIWannaKnowForSure Tue 16-Apr-13 22:50:39

That solves the puzzle of what Terry had in his pants!
Airwick

BobblyGussets Tue 16-Apr-13 22:52:55

I pack mine with charcoal dog biscuits to absorb any trace of my natural womanly musk.

<Gives HoneyDragon prize pack of dog biscuits for some smashing alliteration in the thread title>

whethergirl Tue 16-Apr-13 23:18:13

At last, flowery scented pantyliners! Saves me having to fart to cover up my fanjo whiff next time I use the lift.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Tue 16-Apr-13 23:23:27

Just Fabreez the Foof. grin

HoneyDragon Tue 16-Apr-13 23:25:57

Fabreeze your foof. No that's a slogan.

Do you think they'll have adverts getting people to sniff one sprayed 7 days ago to admire its freshness?

Sunnywithshowers Tue 16-Apr-13 23:32:28

I'm going to design a lemon-scented cockring so men can hide their stinky eau-de-ballbag smell.

Pandemoniaa Tue 16-Apr-13 23:34:15

Well in case someone wants to tiptoe through the tulips

<arf>

MartyrStewart Tue 16-Apr-13 23:37:30

There is no 'O' in country fresh in this house.

SilveryMoon Tue 16-Apr-13 23:39:15

There I was thinking all these women I see taking the stairs is them trying to be fit and active but now I know it's all about wiffy fanny

Buzzardbird Tue 16-Apr-13 23:54:46

Eeeew stench trench!

BobblyGussets Tue 16-Apr-13 23:57:17

grin at Martyr, giz a spray of your cuntry fresh.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 16-Apr-13 23:58:16

What the jeff does one need a floral field fresh fanjo for?
Grazing cattle? confused grin

DameFanny Wed 17-Apr-13 00:16:57

ROAR at fallen grin

Machli Wed 17-Apr-13 01:01:37

I had to trim mine today ready for hols next week. A machete wouldn't have gone a miss, it's been a while...................

kickassangel Wed 17-Apr-13 01:16:25

As someone who lives in the US, I have never heard of such a thing.

But I will pay more attention next time I'm buying. Perhaps they're a behind the counter thing. Shall I ask at the pharmacy?

MissFredi Wed 17-Apr-13 01:27:19

"We need more lemon pledge...no, no, you buy...you buy..." Comes to mind. wink

ripsishere Wed 17-Apr-13 01:39:41

They are here in Malaysia too. DD is almost 12 and has gopping discharge. She has made holes in the gussets of her knickers from scratching/scooping it out.
She tends to wear a drip tray daily. Last week we were in the supermarket, she got a packet and I made her take them back. They were fragrenced. She is convinced that a fragrent foof will make all the difference to her social life.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 17-Apr-13 06:32:48
ripsishere Wed 17-Apr-13 07:18:57
ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 17-Apr-13 07:21:52

yuk. That's even worse!

HoneyDragon Wed 17-Apr-13 07:30:03

Can I just point out that I am NOT Honey21, and have no interest in tightening any of your foofs.
Thankyou.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 17-Apr-13 07:42:48

Well of course you would say that...

bettycocker Wed 17-Apr-13 07:59:56

It sounds like a recipe for thrush if you ask me? Are they bringing out scented jockstraps for men, so people can't smell their sweaty sacks?

What's wrong with a bit of febreeze?

LaMaga Wed 17-Apr-13 15:21:23

Febreeze

Just use a pack of extra strong mints, insert the lot for minty freshness with added tingle.

Goldmandra Wed 17-Apr-13 16:57:57

Just use a pack of extra strong mints, insert the lot for minty freshness with added tingle.

YOOOUUCCHH!!! shock

BobblyGussets Wed 17-Apr-13 17:08:18

Trebor mints are a minty bit stronger, stick them up your cunt and they last a bit longerrrrrr......

HoneyDragon Wed 17-Apr-13 18:40:14

Bobbly

grin. I'll never sing the original again now grin

badbride Wed 17-Apr-13 18:50:32

If I strap an Always "fresh" pad to the dog's backside, will it make his wretch-inducing flatulence smell nicer?

Always. Have a happy fart grin

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