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To ask if you pay money for good school reports?

(136 Posts)
whokilleddannylatimer Mon 15-Apr-13 13:27:35

Because three other parents have all expressed shock and that IABU that I do not, the children are in primary school, I have never even thought about it to be honest, I just told and expected the dc to try their hardest and praised them when they have.

Its never crossed my mind to pay them for it!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 15-Apr-13 13:29:29

I have heard of financial rewards for secondary-level dc (GCSEs and so forth) but primary seems a bit... confused

MandragoraWurzelstock Mon 15-Apr-13 13:30:14

no never.

No way will I do this.
A good report should be its own reward.

CantThinkOfAYoniPun Mon 15-Apr-13 13:31:33

I read that twice before I realised you didn't mean paying the teachers to write good reports. I need to get more sleep...

Molehillmountain Mon 15-Apr-13 13:31:58

Oh lord, I read your op as if there was some way of paying teachers to write good school reports! Corruption rife in schools! No, we don't pay. We might have a family treat to celebrate a year of hard work but not individual.

seeker Mon 15-Apr-13 13:32:43

Why not?

Do you go to work for the pleasure of doing a good job? Is the knowledge of a job well done not its own reward?

Molehillmountain Mon 15-Apr-13 13:33:03

Great sleep deprived minds think alike, cantthink!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 15-Apr-13 13:33:09

No I don't. I give lots' of praise and remind my child to be proud of themselves.

ATJabberwocky Mon 15-Apr-13 13:33:14

I don't pay my DCs for good grades, if they need money to make them do their homework and pay attention in school then IMHO they aren't really putting the effort in. I may have brought books as a rewards, brought DS a cookie, but nothing more than that. But then again I expect my DC to earn their pocket money. something which other parents don't seem to do.

seeker Mon 15-Apr-13 13:33:22

(I thought it was going to be a private school thread!!!!!!!!!!)

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 15-Apr-13 13:33:49

Seeker...I work for the pleasure of it...not only for the money. And education is a privilege not a chore.

CantThinkOfAYoniPun Mon 15-Apr-13 13:34:08

grin

I do reward my DC sometimes for good reports. It's not usually money though. Maybe a new book or lunch at McDs.

chicaguapa Mon 15-Apr-13 13:34:43

Yes, we give DC £1 for each 1 for effort (which means always tries their best) and A for attainment. This started because both were quite unmotivated and their effort was dipping, whilst still achieving As for attainment. So we wanted to reward hard work, but then didn't feel we could ignore the attainment.

Thewhingingdefective Mon 15-Apr-13 13:34:47

Bloody heck, no way.

I just tell my kids I am proud of them and say well done. Isn't that enough?

whokilleddannylatimer Mon 15-Apr-13 13:34:55

Sorry crap grammar, definately mean children not teachers!

seeker Mon 15-Apr-13 13:35:48

". And education is a privilege not a chore."

Tell that to the average 11 year old!

nokidshere Mon 15-Apr-13 13:37:10

Some children need more incentives than others. Some parents might think its a good way to help their children concentrate their minds. Some parents might have more money than sense?

Why does it matter? I have been known to treat my children after a particularly good report - I like to reward their efforts sometimes.

My teenager was promised something that he really wanted if he was able to get his grade up by 2 sub levels in a lesson that he hates. He put in a lot of extra effort and achieved it - so he got his item.

quoteunquote Mon 15-Apr-13 13:37:59

No, I impress upon them that it is their achievement for themselves, all that they do is for their own future.

I always congratulation them on putting in effort, It's effort I praise.

and all have done exceptionally well.

I did when the eldest was doing GCSE and As, when he bought up that all of his friends were getting cash rewards, offer to give him cash(£50 to £100) for any he didn't get the grades he wanted on, as he would need the money more in life then, as not so many doors would be open to him, didn't need to pay him any, he got highest marks possible on all of them, because he gets who he is working for.

We go out for a family meal and they get to choose where. We don't reward with money.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 15-Apr-13 13:38:42

Seeker that's irrelevant. They need to know they're lucky to have a good education and to be helped to learn the pleasure in knowledge.

Trills Mon 15-Apr-13 13:39:29

When I read the title I thought you meant pay money to the school or teacher...

nokidshere Mon 15-Apr-13 13:39:46

Seeker...I work for the pleasure of it...not only for the money. And education is a privilege not a chore.

hahahaha thats possibly the funniest thiing I have heard on mn this week!!!!

insanityscratching Mon 15-Apr-13 13:42:08

Yes I treat mine for good reports, I don't see the harm in it tbh. When they are younger I buy them something and give them cash as they get older.

I treat the DC for a good report, but not in a set way.

I did financially reward them for their GCSEs.

Can't see whats wrong with it, plus we've generally had good results and I think thats what matters, pulling it out the bag when it counts.

seeker Mon 15-Apr-13 13:49:50

"Seeker that's irrelevant. They need to know they're lucky to have a good education and to be helped to learn the pleasure in knowledge."

Of course- has anyone said any different?

wigglesrock Mon 15-Apr-13 13:50:59

Yup, on occasion we hit up McDonalds or get something new, and my kids are only in primary school smile. My mum usually buys them some new books, colouring stuff. I work for money, I expect my children are the same. They love school, doesn't mean they haven't earned a treat.

LittleMissBunnyoni Mon 15-Apr-13 13:57:37

I reward mine with a new toy and a we go to the cafe for a treat. They are only in reception and year 2 but they both got good marks for their attitude too, and did well for things like manners etc.

My son who is in year 2 has been struggling in school with his concentration so I was very pleased he had tried so hard as they both know that so long as they try their best I am happy.

I don't see a problem with a reward for something if that's what people choose to do. I hadn't said they would get a reward before hand so they didn't do it just for the reward.

dayshiftdoris Mon 15-Apr-13 20:53:17

Complete sidetrack but I read the OP as you paying the teacher for a good report...

Perhaps says more about the school reports I have received...

Carry on grin

ihearsounds Mon 15-Apr-13 21:02:34

The occasional treat and positive reinforcement and loads of praise, even looking at the positives in the not so good grades. The treats have remained random, and unknown until given.

LiegeAndLief Mon 15-Apr-13 21:05:16

I also thought you meant paying the teacher to produce a good report for your child. Was horrified that most of your friends thought this was normal until the penny dropped...

No. Although have only got to Y2 so far. I think my parents were the only ones in the whole entire world (certainly felt like it) who didn't pay out for good GCSE/A-level results but they knew I would put the effort in regardless. Bastards.

Hulababy Mon 15-Apr-13 21:07:01

No never.

Meglet Mon 15-Apr-13 21:10:52

Yes. Just a £1. His Grandma gets him something too.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 15-Apr-13 21:45:15

A little treat such as trip to a cafe for tea and cake. I wouldn't actually pay her though.

everlong Mon 15-Apr-13 21:47:48

So a bit of a treat is wrong for them trying hard and doing well?

Why??

flaminghoopsaloohlah Mon 15-Apr-13 21:49:02

For a minute there I thought you mean paying the teachers for a good school report... (though the school DC are in does seem to have a high proportion of high fliers who have parents who donate directly to the school's church...)

Part of DC pocket money is awarded each week for them making it through the week at school with no verbal warnings etc...but paying your child for a good school report...I've not considered it. It's kind of like RL performance related pay I suppose...

deleted203 Mon 15-Apr-13 21:53:41

Knackered minds think alike! I read the title (after a loooooong first day back at school) and thought, 'Fucking Hell...some nutter thinks they can offer to pay me to write their DC a good school report' grin.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 15-Apr-13 21:54:12

I really enjoy pretty much any opportunity to celebrate something lovely and positive.

Bunbaker Mon 15-Apr-13 22:09:06

No, never. DD is quiet and fairly bright, so her reports are always positive. I didn't even buy her anything for doing well in her SATS. Some parents bought their kids an iPod touch, which IMO is a bit OTT.

My Dh started doing this when the boys were about 12.
If all the grades at the end of each term were above a set amount (B's I think) he gave them some money something like £5 then if they managed to do that through the whole school year they got something that they wanted, could be a day out or dinner out or and item, not overly expensive. One year Ds 1 wanted a family dinner out and one time he wanted a small camera, one year Ds 2 got a trampoline, and another year a kitten.
He kept this up all the way through high school and there were years where they got end of term £5 and no summer gift due to missing goals for one term and others where they did brilliant. It was all done in a matter of fact way, no punishments of telling offs for any grades.
Both finished High school with really good scores. So it worked

steppemum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:13:40

For us, the most important thing is that they are trying their best and that their behaviour is good. ds has been a bit wobbly on both effort and behaviour at times.

So, if I rewarded, I would sometimes be rewarding one child and not the other, which I am not comfortable with.

We did, at the end of last summer, all go to MacDonalds, (rare treat) because they had both come home with good reports. But I do not make it a regular/promised thing

thebody Mon 15-Apr-13 22:14:47

Think cherriesarelovely put it very well.

Why not have a small gift or a meal out. Lovely family celebration of positive achievement.

pointythings Mon 15-Apr-13 22:19:25

We go out for a nice meal and the DDs get a mahoosive dessert of their choice. That's it. I'm not sure I'll even offer financial rewards for GCSEs, I didn't get any.

steppemum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:46:24

interesting squinkies, I wonder if their grades would have been any different if they hadn't been rewarded?

I don't think their grades would have been any different if they hadn't been paid, they were happy students, liked school and friends and weren't greedy about what gift they wanted.
Rewarding one without the other didn't seem to faze them. No big productions were made about gifts. It helped that they have a big age gap so there was a few years where the older one got the money alone, and the younger one was told once you are 12 you can do this, or have that and he seemed happy about waiting.

ratbagcatbag Tue 16-Apr-13 05:41:28

Hmmm we've just gone through an incentive bribery chat with DSS. He's in year 10 and had an awful report, he's coasting, not interested, dropping into d grades for everything. He's had a huge rollicking and a fairly boring Easter break. But we've now along with his mum done a chart with various amounts for each grade. Depends on subject depends on amount too. If he gets top in everything it will earn him enough to buy a decent car and insure it outright at 17. If this doesnt work, we give up.

ratbagcatbag Tue 16-Apr-13 05:42:54

Should clarify, grades achieved at gcse, not just assessments through the year.

seeker Tue 16-Apr-13 06:09:13

Bloody hell- a car!

I thought I was being generous by buying dd's Isle of Wight festival ticket and tell inner she had to give me 10 quid back for every A she didn't get!

nooka Tue 16-Apr-13 06:34:31

We do something nice (go out for a treat usually) if the children get good reports, but it's always been a bit of a problem in the past as dd always gets good reports, and ds very rarely does. dd loves school, loves to please her teachers, finds concentrating easy and is very bright. She is also a bit of a perfectionist and drives herself too hard. ds is also very bright, but dyslexic, poorly organised (a dyslexic trait), internally motivated (works hard at things that interest him and not at those that don't) and unmotivated by either punishment or reward.

So if we paid them for performance dd would be even more stressed and ds wouldn't care. We've had the conversation about other children getting paid and neither child thought it would incentivise them. On the other hand they both understand that good grades are important for them to be able to fulfill their dreams - I think it's more important to work for real long term goals, although I can totally understand bribing an uncooperative teenager through the last year or two of school if I thought it would work.

Mrsrobertduvall Tue 16-Apr-13 06:42:20

Mine always have excellent reports with top marks for effort, though ds gets higher grades as dd struggles with maths and English.
At secondary school they have always been rewarded for that with £20.

However should dd manage a c in maths gcse this summer she will have a supermarket sweep type trip to Top Shop grin

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 07:40:25

Nope.
It is a given that school reports will be good ie high effort, no issues with behaviour etc

However, there have been celebrations following certain successes, but these were never negotiated beforehand. They were never part of the incentive.

TBH I'd consider myself a bit of a failure if I had to pay my DC to essentially do their best and not be a PITA to their teachers shock.

ratbagcatbag Tue 16-Apr-13 07:48:03

Nooks - that's the point were at unfortunately, He's very laid back and definitely doesn't see the bigger picture. Were at literal last resort, you get these and stick to a daily revision timetable we've all agreed and when you get your grades well pay on what you get. Were all terrified he's going to get rubbish grades and close so many doors.

Word / I can see your point, he's not a pita though, teachers cite him as helpful, polite etc, just uninterested in lessons and does bare minimum school wise, we've tried everything over the years, praise for tiny improvements, tellings off,, confiscations, groundings, smaller scale rewards. We just need something that is significant enough to work for.

PearlyWhites Tue 16-Apr-13 07:54:52

Yes £5 primary £10 for secondary hard work pays cash in the adult world so why not?

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 08:06:34

But ratbag where will you go with this approach?

How far will you take it? A levels? University? First job?

And when will DC learn that certain basic levels of effort are simply expected in life? And that sadly, no, hard work is not always valued (financially or otherwise) in adult life. Constant rewards are not a given...

cory Tue 16-Apr-13 08:10:06

Would be almost impossible to do fairly in my case. I have a dd who is very gifted but who also has the kind of manner that convinces teachers that she is working her fingers to the bone even when I know for a fact that she is hardly doing anything. (Have just spent some time trying to convince CAHMS that however serious her other problems she is not in danger of dropping dead from overwork). So her marks for both achievement and attitude will always be higher than ds', who is less gifted and never manages to give that earnest impression.

I was the same as dd: my teachers were convinced that I was a good little girl who worked as hard as hard. In actual fact, I was a daydreamer with plenty of natural ability and a convincing cast of features. But if my parents had been paying for results or attitude, I would have got far more money than my brother who was of an earnest and hardworking disposition but less able and less convincing.

I am not paying good money for the kind of pseudo-attentiveness I remember so well from my own childhood, let alone for natural quickness of mind.

Also, dd has a tendency to freak out under stress: letting her know that there will be financial incentives is more likely to bring on a panic attack on her way into the exam room.

Theas18 Tue 16-Apr-13 08:20:07

Nope! Again it's a given that you will do your best at school.

We have a treat for putting in lots of work sometimes- a family meal out or what ever. the big kids have had a short holiday abroad post GCSE with just me (at the end of exam leave a sort of building memories before they don't want to come away with their boring parent thing) which is all kids of fabulous for both of us, but we have thought about this and it's never been dependent of the results of the exams.

I'm with cory re adding to stressors in an unnecessary way. My youngest is already beating herself up that she might not be as " good " as her siblings (she will be !) and loosing a reward might really set her off.

it's particularly unfair to reward academic achievement that some kids might find just comes easily to them and another sibling may have to work like the blazes to get half as good grades. DD1 mate got money for GCSEs/ A levels and got great grades. Her brother is in a special school and might get a couple of D/E grades. I do hope they reward him just as well. It's a far far bigger achievement for him to get those grades than his sis to get As

ratbagcatbag Tue 16-Apr-13 08:21:11

Gcse s is it. He chooses afterwards what to do, but for now that's his incentive. smile

ratbagcatbag Tue 16-Apr-13 08:22:46

Only sibling to worry about is my four week old dd so there won't be any conflict there.

Moominsarehippos Tue 16-Apr-13 08:27:31

I thought this was a thread on bribing the school!

Nope. If he gets a particularly glowing report (maybe he's tried really hard at something he's had a problem with) then maybe a book or toy.

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 08:31:39

ratcat well you know your DS best...but it's not something I would ever do

Interestingly, I have had a number of conversations recently with parents about how far a parent will, or indeed should go to incentivise a young adult.

One mother told me that she'd do pretty much anyhting to save her DS from himself. She is (trying) to provide a host of motivations for him to do what, frankly, she should do himeslf.

Theas18 Tue 16-Apr-13 08:42:56

wordfactory I agree with your last statement which I think should say " motivations to do what, frankly, HE should do himself"

I guess some kids get the point of working hard at school sooner, or later than others though. Mine are grafters and always have been. I'd like to think that's down to me, but to be honest my strategy has (at least since yr 7) been that they should regulate their work effort themselves (and take any consequences at school if they don't).

ivanapoo Tue 16-Apr-13 09:18:28

I don't think I would do this with younger children as it teaches them to work hard and make an effort for money rather than pleasure or desire to do well.

It also potentially punishes children who may be struggling with problems in the classroom like bullying, shyness or a lack of aptitude in a specific subject.

ratbagcatbag Tue 16-Apr-13 09:20:52

Theas - we all kicked ass at school, DSS doesn't seem to get it, his mum, dad, step mum and step dad all work in good skilled jobs, we have nice things and he knows we get it through hard work, doesn't go in. We tried this year letting him get on with it, he's had plenty of detentions for none completion of homework which then triggers a week long ps3 and phone van, still doesn't go in.

No because ds1 has SN so his report is never great so it would be unfair to pay dd but not him when he can't help it.

I don't even let them know what the other's says, I tell them privately how they did... It would totally demotivate ds1 if he knew about dds glowing reports when he tries just as hard, if not harder, and his are mediocre.

My dad used pay me for exam results in secondary and I'll probably do that too as ds1s work is excellent. Primary reports are 80% behaviour though which is why ds1 will never manage an excellent one.

teacherwith2kids Tue 16-Apr-13 09:49:42

I think that there is a difference between an unannounced treat because the DC have gained good rewards (spontaneous meal out, or something frivolous bought on a trip into town 'because your report made us all feel happy') and a planned and pre-discussed incentive, conditional on doing well ('if you get an A in your report next term i will give you....').

I think that the first is always fine, as long as it is not excessively large or so ritualised that it becomes 'expected'. However, I feel uncomfortable with the second - I appreciate that it is sometimes necessary in older children, where the long-term consequences of not doing well are very visible to an adult and so there may beed to be something tangible to focus a child in the face of short term pain for longer term gain. However I don't think it's necessary for primary, nor routinely at secondary, maybe just for a sepcific set of qualifications or to get over a specific issue or dip.

EggsEggSplat Tue 16-Apr-13 09:51:04

No rewards here - I think I have a similar approach to wordfactory: excellent results are celebrated, but no actual cash rewards or gifts, because that then comes to be expected.

There have been a lot of psychological studies showing that offering incentives for performance at school or university can actually be counterproductive, eg this one - The Risks of Rewards.

louisianablue2000 Tue 16-Apr-13 10:19:55

Neither DH nor I were rewarded for good grades and I certainly would never consider it at primary school. So YANBU but if others do then that's up to them but it's no-ones business what you do. I'd be tempted to go passive aggressive if someone criticizes you for not promising rewards and just say 'oh, we've never felt the need, the DC are doing well enough as it is'.

I had a friend whose father gave her and her brother a cash reward for failing exams after they complained that all their friends got cash for passing exams, he said if he did that it would bankrupt him!

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 10:29:26

I know someone who 'motivated' her DS through GCSE, then through A levels (despite being adamant the former was the 'last time'). He's now at uni doing decidedly averagely. Frankly, I'm not sure what has been gained.

Hullygully Tue 16-Apr-13 10:35:12

Mine are expected to do as well as they can and congratulated when they do. They don't get any financial rewards directly, but occasionally I might surprise them with something as a general well done keep it up type thing. It's all a bit random tho.

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 10:44:41

Same here Hully. There might be treats and what have you, but nothing particular. One thing I like to do during exam season is, providing everyone is grafting, to call a moaratorium on all revision and go out for the day. It really lifts spirits and is related most obviously to effort.

Hullygully Tue 16-Apr-13 10:45:46

GO OUT FOR THE DAY DURING EXAM SEASON?

<faints>

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 10:57:37

Lol! I mean in the revision stage, not the exam stage. When the DC are working hard and a bit stir crazy I announce a day out. Thorpe park last year!

Hullygully Tue 16-Apr-13 11:00:15

I was talking to someone the other day who said that she thought all books should be put down three days before the exam actual because if you didn't know it then you never would.

Imagine...

TomArchersSausage Tue 16-Apr-13 11:06:57

We dont. But there's lots of praise for doing well and personal triumphs. All I expect is that they do their best.

I'm not against a treat or surprise for doing well, but it would be just that; a surprise after the event as recognition, rather than an incentive in itself.

I also don't 'pay' dc for helping out at home or doing chores. They're part of the family and it's expected they help out. But again if someone has been exceptionally helpful we might recognise that with a little treat.

iseenodust Tue 16-Apr-13 11:07:32

DS is in primary and we offer no monetary rewards. We have a couple of times gone to the pub for tea as he has 'tried hard and the teachers are pleased with him for that'.

TomArchersSausage Tue 16-Apr-13 11:10:48

Going to the pub is def a treat for me grin

threesypeesy Tue 16-Apr-13 11:14:49

Yes they are in p4&5 and get a treat around £20 for good report cards

We have also offered the £100for every A they get at secondary as an isentive to keep up the good work.

I thought all kids got a treat for doing well blush

TerrysNo2 Tue 16-Apr-13 11:15:52

I will pay my children for good school results when they get to 12/13, children can't understand how getting good results now will help them later in life so they need an immediate incentive.

I only go to work because they pay me, that's life. School is mandatory, not optional so why not give them an incentive they actually appreciate and understand?

Toasttoppers Tue 16-Apr-13 11:19:10

There is the balance of the joy of learning which most people would like their dc to naturally do. Then there is the world we live in which includes payment for work. We do reward for good results, we also give pocket money in return for chores.

RussiansOnTheSpree Tue 16-Apr-13 11:21:09

No. I have organised some treats post GCSE for DD1 but they are already bought and paid for, they aren't an incentive, more an acknowledgement that she has been working very hard all year and whatever happens in the exams, I know she has had a huge amount to contend with and she deserves something nice to look forward to. So, she shall go to the ball (well. The theatre).

Granny (DM) might give them something for various achievements. I'd just say well done and give them a hug, and tell them I was proud of them smile

Best of both worlds !

thanksamillion Tue 16-Apr-13 11:47:41

I totally read it as bribing teachers too. Unfortunately it's pretty common where I am (not in the UK) sad

valiumredhead Tue 16-Apr-13 11:49:19

I always reward ds with a treat, present or extra pocket money - he works hard and puts in the effort. I don't really care about good grades but I will always reward good effort.

Surely it would be the DC bribing the teachers, not the parents? grin

DS(4) had a glowing parents' evening last time. DH came home practically in tears. DS was rewarded with iirc a Mars Bar, lots of slightly damp praise and hugs, and a certificate we knocked up on the computer. 4yos are easily pleased; long may it last!

I absolutely agree with rewarding effort and engagement rather than raw attainment in most cases. Effort is easier for children to control and repeat, and they should be encouraged to go for subjects that challenge them, not necessarily the subjects they can coast.

As for days off, I took a couple of days off (went away without books) during my Finals. I would have gone utterly insane otherwise. It also meant I returned to the library more focused and motivated for the second set of exams.

steppemum Tue 16-Apr-13 15:00:28

I totally agree with the person who said that an unannounced celebration when everyone has worked hard (note I say worked hard, not achieved high results) is great and why not?

But that is very different from a negotiated payment before hand which I am uncomfortable with. (but my kids are all still primary)

I think the thing that I don't get in all of this is that it is such a tenuous link. On any given monday evening with a moody 13 year old, I cannot imagine that the fact that they might get £10 for an A in 5 months time is going to motivate them to knuckle down and do their homework, and surely good results come from the consistent knuckling down and doing the homework etc over the whole year?

At primary I think it is often more reflective of the teacher than the child. Obviously not totally, but a good teacher will inspire kids to do their best.

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 15:50:36

terry what makes you think DC don't underdtand the importance?

They understand why they have to brush their teeth, why they have to check the road before crossing as little ones. The importance of effort is simply another manifestation of things we need to prioritise. Kids can most certainly understand that!

LaQueen Tue 16-Apr-13 17:15:17

Er...no.

Traditonally, we take the Dds out for a nice tea, on the day they get their school reports. But, that's it.

Doing their very best at school is just a given in this house, and it's what they've been brought up to expect, and to do.

kilmuir Tue 16-Apr-13 17:17:42

no way. they need to see that not all hard work is rewarded in monetary terms

AnonYonimousBird Tue 16-Apr-13 17:21:09

Also primary level here, no money given, but their GP's gave them some sweets!!!!

wordfactory Tue 16-Apr-13 18:47:00

Well exactly kilmuir.

I suspect a nurse in intensive care earns waaaaaay less than me, but I suspect he or she works a damn sight harder.

Plus what about all the stuff one has to do for free in life? Particularly as a parent.

Are we seriously saying we won't do stuff unless we get paid?

ihearsounds Tue 16-Apr-13 19:03:12

Exactly. Also what about volunteers? They give up their free time because they want to, not because they are paid. Not all efforts in life have a financial gain. Helping friends and family, is done for free. Sometimes the only payment should be the satisfaction of a job well done, and knowing you tried your best.

Am slightly shocked at £100 a gsce A.. 3 dc's that would have already cost me so far over 3k. Not like they do one or two.

Is that just a little bit of a stealth boast ihear ? wink

bigTillyMint Tue 16-Apr-13 19:17:22

As Hully said Mine are expected to do as well as they can and congratulated when they do. They don't get any financial rewards directly, but occasionally I might surprise them with something as a general well done keep it up type thing. It's all a bit random tho. Exactly!

armagh Tue 16-Apr-13 19:25:40

I too thought you were bribing the teachers!!!!grin

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 16-Apr-13 20:43:54

We agreed to pay for Reading Festival ticket the year of the GCSE's or whatever he did. It was either a few days away to take his mind off disappointing results or a fantastic few days away in the light of fantastic results.

Upper 6th now and he will get his IB results in early July. There are plans, regardless of the results. He is our son.

Also, our dd is top average and it would be exceptionally inequitable to reward exceptional results for him when hers will never be as high. And that is not to say we are not exceptionally proud of her. But we have had to be very very careful to safeguard dd's self esteem.

I know you are very proud of them both married - as I am of mine.
It's a fundamentally unconditional thing isn't it ?

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 16-Apr-13 20:54:50

Totally. smile. It's what love is all about - they are my greatest achievement whatever they might achieve themselves.

smile I feel the same

nooka Wed 17-Apr-13 01:48:55

I have a 12 and a 13 year old and they both understand that working hard now will pay off later, so there is an intrinsic award built in. In the same way I know if I work hard I will build my CV and be able to apply for a better job. Plus we live somewhere where if you don't pass the grade you have to repeat the year, which is a serious disincentive to slacking off.

tarajupp Wed 17-Apr-13 02:20:10

Well my DS is only 2 so not cropped up yet, but at risk of outing myself after a decent set of GCSEs as a skint 16y old I desperately casually mentioned my peers getting financial rewards to be told
"Virtue is its own reward"!!!

wordfactory Wed 17-Apr-13 07:42:20

That reminds me of the Horrid Henry story where his parents bribe him to eat his vegetables for a week with a slap up junk food restaurant feast. 'But I alway eat my vegetables' says Perfect Peter. 'What do I get?' 'Health' snaps his Mum.

ivanapoo Wed 17-Apr-13 09:30:59

Another reason I don't like this practice is that many parents simply could not afford to do this. So if little Johnny finds out Tom and Dick will get £20 for every A and he'll get nothing, that could be a) demotivating for him and b) make his parents feel bad.

Not making a visible effort or getting poor results does not make you a bad person. Just as getting great results and putting in effort doesn't make you a good one.

LaQueen Thu 18-Apr-13 09:46:23

Even our DDs, who are still at primary, are astute enough to understand that working hard at school, and getting good grades/passing exams well will bring very nice material benefits anyway - in the guise of better universities, better jobs, professional careers etc.

It's just that there is a delay in getting the rewards. And, that's no bad thing, in my book.

I hate to see overly entitled teenagers demanding instant gratification from their hapless parents, and they clearly have no concept of happy anticipation.

I would punish for a bad school report. Well, only if it were bad in behaviour and effort. I wouldn't punish for low marks if he's trying; but I withdraw videogame privileges for behavioural problems or lack of effort.

Mrsrobertduvall Thu 18-Apr-13 09:58:52

Have just found out that dd has passed her GCSE maths...a subject she has always struggled with . She has had maths tuition for 2 years every Sunday at 9 am, worked so hard and has achieved a C. She suffers from severe ocd and anxiety and had a panic attack before the exam.
So we are ridiculously proud of her. She will be getting £100 tonight.

OddBoots Thu 18-Apr-13 10:04:50

Mine get rewards for sustained effort, they each have a task to do for 15 mins a day (one is learning various programming languages, the other is practising viola) and if they do that 15 mins a day for 6 weeks they get a pre-agreed treat. The level they get to is by the by, the reward is for the effort.

If they are working hard on their studies then they get a slightly later bed time, we've discussed this with them in the context of not having enough sleep having an impact on ability to study so we would take a lack of study to be a sign that they aren't getting enough sleep.

bleedingheart Thu 18-Apr-13 10:17:49

Mine get small gifts. Life is shit, generally, a little gift to say 'well done, we're proud of you' does little harm in the long run surely?

wordfactory Thu 18-Apr-13 10:34:20

life is shit ... surely not!

Hey congratulations to MrsRD and her daughter thanks

That is a fabulous achievement that will help her so much in life !
I got a C too - many years ago !

Just think too, no more maths ?! Just make sure you take a calculator around with you !

seeker Thu 18-Apr-13 10:40:18

"Life is shit" sad

I reward for good reports- but then we would celebrate the opening of an envelope in this house if there wasn't anything else to celebrate!

Can be lots of good things inside an envelope seeker ?!

< ignores pile of un-opened bills and unsolicited mail in corridor >

wordfactory Thu 18-Apr-13 10:43:31

Same here seeker.

We like to make an occasion of the new series of Dr Who starting grin.

seeker Thu 18-Apr-13 10:47:05

Our "pre new series of The Voice" event was epic!

LaQueen Thu 18-Apr-13 10:52:54

I really don't think Life Is Shit at all, certainly not for our DDs.

I reward for good reports/good grades, yes.

If I work hard and hit my ridiculous targets at work, then I get a bonus at the end of the month.

Why is it different to reward DC's in the same way?

Well personally I think it is different because they are children Tequila

Personally I prefer to preserve more of the innocence of childhood and not bring money into their endeavours so much. Plenty of time for that in adult life plus we're too broke to splash out much

But it's obviously something people have different approaches too.
I think by teens it's probably a good thing to begin introducing DC's to more of how things work in adult life/ the world of work.

wordfactory Thu 18-Apr-13 11:44:03

But tequila what about all the other targets in your life that have no financial reward?

The htings that are just intrinsically worth doing?

Aren't those things actually more akin to what our DC do at school?

Hullygully Thu 18-Apr-13 12:09:01

I wonder if there really is much difference?

Some of us say we don't reward, but expect effort and then offer praise etc and the odd treat indirectly related to them staying on track, others are direct and directly link effort and reward.

It would be interesting to see what if any real difference it made.

ratbagcatbag Thu 18-Apr-13 13:28:44

Ill happily report back next year hully, because if the opportunity to earn a car doesn't motivate him I don't know what would have worked anyway. confused

norfolknic Thu 18-Apr-13 13:34:56

No I wouldn't pay for good school reports.

Education is a privilege. I would consider a nice treat, like a family day out if their choice but never cash. It seems like a bribe and children should realise education has its own rewards.

bigTillyMint Thu 18-Apr-13 14:00:16

I think the whole concept of paying for certain results is really difficult. I am not necessarily dead against it, but there are lots of what ifs.

What if they revise hard and try their best but still don't reach their predicted grades? (think English GCSE fiasco)
What if they look like they are revising but are not focusing and then they get poor grades (but what is predicted because they have never put much effort in)?
What if their predicted grades are too low and they get them without much effort?
What to do when there is a big difference in ability and application between siblings?

acebaby Thu 18-Apr-13 14:12:11

:-) Another who opened the thread thinking that this was about £20 notes stuffed in the reading record book.

My DS's are still young (7 and 4), and I only read the the Headmaster's report with them. I don't generally go for rewards, but I did buy DS1 a new dinosaur book when he was named 'sports player of the week' for scoring a goal in hockey. He finds academic work easy, and doesn't need to try to stay top of the class - but he finds sport very difficult and is very small for his age, so this was a real achievement for him.

And we do go out for a celebratory trip to the toy shop at the end of term, whatever the reports say!

valiumredhead Thu 18-Apr-13 15:11:26

Cash is cheaper than a family day out ime wink

marriedinwhiteagain Thu 18-Apr-13 19:47:19

bigtillymint* makes exceptionally good points. Looks at lazy git of a pfb who brought home 10 A*s who has been exceptionally demanding since the day he was born and at dd who will pull down a mixture but who works her cotton socks off and aims, at all times, to please.

bigTillyMint Thu 18-Apr-13 20:18:30

Can you tell I have one of each?grin

We have never bribed/rewarded DD, but I think it might be something that could work on DS (unless he naturally improves as he gets older) which would then be a whole other can of wormsconfused

marriedinwhiteagain Thu 18-Apr-13 20:26:50

Indeedy!!!!!

LynetteScavo Thu 18-Apr-13 20:40:07

No way! If the school can't motivate my DC to try hard, then I'd be looking for another school. (Well, DS1 try's hard for him, but not compared to some really keen girls.)

The academic bit should follow. If they've tried hard, they will do as well as they can. There is no way I'm going to reward DS1 for achieving well academically with not that much effort, when another of my DC will achieve nowhere near his levels at the same age, but will have worked really hard.

I go to work because I need the money...my DC go to school because I drop them off there every morning.

I do reward my DC if they've had a difficult teacher....usually a meal out at the end of the year, to say well done for surviving that! (The teacher is probably in a different restaurant drinking wine and congratulating themselves on surviving a year with my DC grin)

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 18-Apr-13 21:33:04

DC go to school because they need an education Lynette...not because you drop them off....of course, if it weren't for you, they'd probably not bother....but that's besides the point.

The point is that you work for money because you've done your time...got an education and DC have not. They must learn work ethics before they learn that hard work begets money.

LynetteScavo Thu 18-Apr-13 21:42:02

Judging by the grammar of my last post, I didn't get a very good education, though. grin

And my DC don't go to school because they need an education, they go because I need free childcare.

(That was a joke, btw)

bedmonster Thu 18-Apr-13 21:46:21

We treat for good reports. Well as they are only 7 and 8, they have always had good reports, so we usually have a fun trip out somewhere as a family, or go out for a meal of their choosing etc. Family time is not exactly rare, but DP works weekdays and saturdays and sometimes sundays too so we like to make the most of it when we can. We just had school reports out and they were both great, and DP gave them both some money to buy themselves a book (they thought this was a fabulous treat as they are both bookworms), and we took them to the seaside for a nice family evening to say a big well done to them. I think they really valued it and felt proud.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 18-Apr-13 22:11:50

Lynette! grin

KatyDid02 Thu 18-Apr-13 22:15:14

My DCs get a new book (as they both love reading) if they have got good marks for effort on their school reports. I think that's reasonable, I wouldn't be comfortable with rewarding achievement though as I think effort is what matters.

Actually we rewarded DS1 for getting (unexpected) 5s in his Y6 SATs. Not because it mattered or anything but because it did wonders for his confidence (and confidence is an issue) and we wanted to bolster that.

KatyDid02 Fri 19-Apr-13 07:00:52

Well done to your DS Arbitary, I'd have rewarded that too smile

hollyisalovelyname Sun 21-Apr-13 12:00:00

Yeah i paid the teacher a thousand pounds. DS still got an E- in Maths.
THIS IS A JOKE by the waygrin

JamieOliveOil Sun 21-Apr-13 12:54:55

We had Parents Evening this week and the feedback for DC was great - their treat was a chinese on Friday night, which they very much appreciated and enjoyed.

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